u/Amberllynn

I would love some advice on a situation I’m in with my mother. I went to my mothers house a couple of months ago, my mother is a very manipulative person and victimizes herself constantly. I asked her if we could have a sit down conversation on boundaries and for her to allow me to get what I had to say out before she got upset and wouldn’t allow me to speak. So I laid out boundaries, and I simply asked her if she would consider going to therapy so that she could learn to work through her feelings better and communicate with me and to not lie about everything the way she does and to get better about talking through things in a healthy manner. She said she would look into it. And I left with that.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago she texted me on Memorial Day and said she had her first therapy session, to which I was pleased with thinking that my mom and I were gonna start getting better till I started thinking about the details of the story she had just given me.
Memorial Day - the office is closed unless it’s a emergency.
-She couldn’t tell me the doctors name, cause she didn’t know.
-She said she walked right in to a random therapist and sat down and had an had an automatic appointment without previously scheduling one.
-then there was the location issue, she pointed out she went to the old locations office (but they moved to a completely different building on the other side of town) and she didn’t know I knew that. So I called my mom and asked her, can I ask you something without you yelling at me or lying to me and she said yes. I asked did you actually go to therapy to which she claimed yes. So I started pointing out the pieces together and how I knew that she was lying to me again so I asked her once more “did you actually go to therapy “ and she said no then she blew up at me, saying “why do you think you need to check up on me” to which I responded with because you never tell me the truth about anything. She then said that if she told me the truth our relationship would never get better and that lying about therapy was the better option for her. And now she keeps making mean posts on Facebook towards me saying I’m the toxic one and how she’s so happy she’s so close to my sister. And it really hurts. I’ve put some distance between us and haven’t spoken to her but when we’re in a public setting she wants to hug me and gush about her love for me in front of other people and it’s just too much. I’ll fully admit that I’m not perfect by all means, but the way I was raised I grew to learn I wanted to be nothing like my family. it hurts to not have anyone anymore. The only thing I ever asked for from my mom was to not lie to me. That’s all she does! Then blames me for having trust issues and not believing her when she’s actually telling the truth about something. But who lies about a therapy session. She went into so many details in her lie that she said the therapist made her realize I had a bad childhood and how she felt bad for that. Yet she still keeps repeating the cycles of behavior. And now I don’t feel like the apology was real. She stopped texting me unless she needs something. But when she does need something and I can’t do it due to her lack of communication as far as timing and waiting for last minute she gets mad at me as if it’s my fault and in turn makes me feel like a bad daughter. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s to the point that if I’m going to anything related to having to see my mother or my sister for that matter I break down in a panic attack to my husband. Am I the toxic one? For asking my mom to seek therapy? When I truly believe it’ll help.

If you need further context I have other posts regarding my family issues.

With that being said, I fully went no contact with my sister, which made my mother grow that much closer to her.

I used to try to build a healthy relationship with my mother however within the last month or two, I have gone no contact with her as well.
She moved in with my sister which put a bigger strain on our relationship and she blames me for it.

We had a heated argument and I pointed out lies I’ve caught her in, set boundaries on how we could potentially rebuild a relationship and she refused. which is what lead me to the decision to step away and go no contact.

Honestly? I feel so much relief not having to deal with the manipulation and guilting tactics on a day to day basis.

Yesterday was my birthday, my mother broke the no contact and sent me a birthday text and when I didn’t respond she lashed out.
She told me I’m ridiculous and I’m selfish and that I should be happy for her with how her life is going. She said how she is my mother, she’s the reason I have a birthday.
She even called my phone and left a voicemail stating that she knows I’m not talking to her and she still loves me even though I’m acting like this and at that moment I hear the voices of my nieces and nephew telling me happy birthday. She acted this way in front of them as well. Placing blame on me cause it’s my fault for not speaking to her.

I used to try so hard with her, I used to give so many options on how we could fix our relationship.
I have begged her to seek therapy and all she has ever done is lie and make up scenarios that she thinks suits her character better.

I know it’s a manipulation tactic the way she talks to me, I know that she’s trying to get a response from me.
I know her goal is to make me feel guilty for choosing me.
The little girl in me just wants a mom. Even though I know that going no contact is what is best for my well being.
I just so badly wish it was different.

If you need further context I have other posts regarding my family issues.

With that being said, I fully went no contact with my sister, which made my mother grow that much closer to her.

I used to try to build a healthy relationship with my mother however within the last month or two, I have gone no contact with her as well.
She moved in with my sister which put a bigger strain on our relationship and she blames me for it.

We had a heated argument and I pointed out lies I’ve caught her in, set boundaries on how we could potentially rebuild a relationship and she refused. which is what lead me to the decision to step away and go no contact.

Honestly? I feel so much relief not having to deal with the manipulation and guilting tactics on a day to day basis.

Yesterday was my birthday, my mother broke the no contact and sent me a birthday text and when I didn’t respond she lashed out.
She told me I’m ridiculous and I’m selfish and that I should be happy for her with how her life is going. She said how she is my mother, she’s the reason I have a birthday.
She even called my phone and left a voicemail stating that she knows I’m not talking to her and she still loves me even though I’m acting like this and at that moment I hear the voices of my nieces and nephew telling me happy birthday. She acted this way in front of them as well. Placing blame on me cause it’s my fault for not speaking to her.

I used to try so hard with her, I used to give so many options on how we could fix our relationship.
I have begged her to seek therapy and all she has ever done is lie and make up scenarios that she thinks suits her character better.

I know it’s a manipulation tactic the way she talks to me, I know that she’s trying to get a response from me.
I know her goal is to make me feel guilty for choosing me.
The little girl in me just wants a mom. Even though I know that going no contact is what is best for my well being.
I just so badly wish it was different.

If you need further context I have other posts regarding my family issues.

With that being said, I fully went no contact with my sister, which made my mother grow that much closer to her.

I used to try to build a healthy relationship with my mother however within the last month or two, I have gone no contact with her as well.
She moved in with my sister which put a bigger strain on our relationship and she blames me for it.

We had a heated argument and I pointed out lies I’ve caught her in, set boundaries on how we could potentially rebuild a relationship and she refused. which is what lead me to the decision to step away and go no contact.

Honestly? I feel so much relief not having to deal with the manipulation and guilting tactics on a day to day basis.

Yesterday was my birthday, my mother broke the no contact and sent me a birthday text and when I didn’t respond she lashed out.
She told me I’m ridiculous and I’m selfish and that I should be happy for her with how her life is going. She said how she is my mother, she’s the reason I have a birthday.
She even called my phone and left a voicemail stating that she knows I’m not talking to her and she still loves me even though I’m acting like this and at that moment I hear the voices of my nieces and nephew telling me happy birthday. She acted this way in front of them as well. Placing blame on me cause it’s my fault for not speaking to her.

I used to try so hard with her, I used to give so many options on how we could fix our relationship.
I have begged her to seek therapy and all she has ever done is lie and make up scenarios that she thinks suits her character better.

I know it’s a manipulation tactic the way she talks to me, I know that she’s trying to get a response from me.
I know her goal is to make me feel guilty for choosing me.
The little girl in me just wants a mom. Even though I know that going no contact is what is best for my well being.
I just so badly wish it was different.