This popped up on my YouTube feed and oh my god I’m laughing so hard. This girl says her mom never supported her dreams of being a pop star since childhood because it wasn’t a “legitimate” career (typical Boomer mindset of wanting an ivy league graduate) but then when she was 19 out of nowhere her mom had a midlife crisis and decided that SHE was gonna be a pop star and then proceeded to make a whole album and shove it in her face. 😭 Mind you, she’s a terrible singer with no actual talent and the daughter is the one who was clearly naturally gifted at singing and made the mother jealous. Wow! And I thought my mom was crazy! 🤣 Lmfao. I’m glad she’s telling her story though. I’m all for shitty parents being exposed!

I've been sick for the past few days and my mom has been getting mad at me for not doing much in the way if chores and said that I'm being dramatic when I'm in pain. Yes she's not feeling well either but that doesn’t mean she has the right to be rude. I feel bad for posting this but it's not my fault that I'm sick

I'm not sure how to feel atp

I'm going to try to make this is short as I can. My mom is obsessed with money. We used to have it, my dad passed in 06, we lost everything (due to her being with a man who took her for almost everything she had, including my inheritance from my dad). She still has plenty though, idk how bc she's never been honest with me about it. I have a husband and we have an eleven yr old son, her only grandchild. Even as I reread that, I feel so petty and awful about what I'm going to say. We only have 1 car that works between me and my husband. Mine is currently broke down, molded inside and has no air in it. It's sitting at my moms house bc she let me borrow her oldest car to get my son back and forth to his new charter school he started for 6th grade this yr, which in our rural area, is the best school for highly intelligent kids. I have to take him and pick him up bc they don't have buses, which I am good with bc me and him have some of our best conversations during those times! She wants it back. She told me today that she didn't "want me putting so many miles on it and using it so much". Mind you she has a brand new car sitting in her driveway that she got two weeks ago but it's not an SUV so she's not happy with it. She's been driving that new car since I have been borrowing her other one for the past two weeks. I know it's not her responsibility to take care of us or to provide me with anything or her grandson with anything and I tell her everyday either in a phone call or through text how grateful I am that she is allowing me to use this car to get him to and from school. I also use it to get myself to and from work. Point being, do I have the right to feel upset at all that she is giving me a day to get it back to her knowing that I have no other options right now and just started working again after being a SAHM for 2 years? Am I just being an entitled brat by thinking that she should help us? Again, I know it's not her responsibility, but I am her only daughter and he is her only grandchild. My husband works 6 days a week for a lawn care company and we do our best. I am mad at myself for not being in a better position in my life right now, but we're trying. My son is thriving at his new school and I am going to have to pull him so he can ride the bus to the middle school, which isn't a bad school, but still....I'll walk to work, IDC, but I can't walk him 10 miles to school in the morning. (My husband has to be at work at 6 or he would take our son and school gets out at 2:30 but his dad doesn't get off until 3) . I just don't know what to say to her, if anything.

She recently underwent major surgery. Although it was elective, like any procedure involving general anaesthesia and surgery, it came with risks. Naturally, she would be weak afterward and need help being taken care of.

She sent me the hospital location the night before. I saw it and ignored it. I did not want to go—not out of spite; I just couldn't fake being worried about her. The truth is, I'm not. After everything she has done to me, I no longer feel the same empathy toward her that I would normally feel toward another person.

I texted the neighbour who went with her and asked her to let me know if my mother woke up and was okay. That was it. I went about my day.

I had cancer as a child, so I know what it feels like to wake up after surgery feeling vulnerable, in pain, and in need of someone. When I heard that nobody had come to visit her—not even her "flying monkey," my brother—I started to cry. The image of her waking up with nobody by her side was incredibly painful for me to think about.

Later that day, I decided to stop by before she was discharged. I could tell that her ego had taken a big hit because she had not expected six of her children not to show up. For the first time, I felt strange about the boundaries I had put in place with my mother and started questioning myself.

I'm 26 years old, and it took years and years of abuse for me to reach this point. My mother physically abused me as a child and emotionally abused me as an adult. She has also turned my father against me several times. I have financially supported her despite the abuse, yet she still damaged my relationships with my father, my siblings, and even myself.

First time posting here because I don't know where else to put this. The toxicity in my house is getting completely unbearable, and being trapped here is putting me in serious mental distress. I still have a few years before I can realistically move out and support myself, and right now that stretch feels suffocating.

​My mom acts like the ultimate victim 24/7, and no matter what happens, I'm always cast as the villain. She runs around talking shit about me to anyone who will listen my dad, neighbors, and especially extended family like my buas (aunts). She feeds them twisted, one-sided stories so they can all make stereotypes about me and look down on me.

​Her favorite weapon right now is her gallbladder surgery. She constantly tells relatives "they didn't even call me for 15 days" just to milk pity and make me look cold-hearted. But she completely wipes out reality: last year, whenever she was away, I would literally cry and call her all the time, while she barely even bothered to pick up. Now she rewrites history so she stays the saint.

​She constantly compares me to random, unrelated things and completely refuses to acknowledge my actual capabilities or strengths. The goalposts never stop moving, so no matter what I do, I'm always wrong.

​The hardest part to admit is that the house is only peaceful when she isn't in it. The second she walks out the door, the air clears and I can finally breathe. The second she walks back in, it's straight back into a minefield.

​Being stuck at an age where you see right through the manipulation but don't have the freedom to just pack your bags and leave today feels like psychological torture.

​For anyone who was the family scapegoat, how did you survive the remaining stretch before getting out without completely losing your sanity?

​

Has anyone else followed her story? Read her book, I am so saddened to learn about her death and have to wonder if what she went through with her mother and family is what pushed her to the edge.
They say it was an overdose, and when I watched one of her interviews, she seemed very much still in it, like she hadn’t gotten through the healing stage yet. I know it, that moment where you feel you may never surmount what was harmed and taken from you.
Just wanted to discuss it and if anyone else had thoughts about this

My mother was a boomer mother that didn't truly want kids. She did everything that was expected from her and did it only so people around her would admire her. She was a horrible mother that put mine and my siblings life in danger. Multiple times. She was a pediatrician - the irony. Both my sister and I were anorexic because of her pressure to be skinny and she never once took us to the emergency care when we were severely unwell due to undernutrition. When I once asked if she would give me money to buy pizza she told me that my ass and boobs are so big that I look like a whore and better stop eating and start dieting. I was 13. She didn't really care about my overall wellbeing she only cared about what other people say about me and my sister. She was estranged by her parents and brother and left without any inheritance. I was blaming them for not helping us when we were struggling financially but as the time went by I realised that they wanted to escape her. She was a master of emotional manipulation and guilt tripping. I even felt personally responsible for her getting cancer. She basically said to us that we were worrying her so much that cancer is the result of that. My father was also a narcissist that was abusive to her and almost killed her. However she refused to leave him even when I bagged her to do so. I have almost no interaction with him. When I do it's me screaming at him for everything he did to us as kids with his behaviour towards her. And that is so therapeutic and healing for me. Seeing him embarrassed and guilty really felt good for me. All I want is to do the same with my mom. I was 19 when she died. I spent decades and thousands of dollars on therapy trying to find some peace. Accepting that I shouldn't and couldn't save her took almost 10 years. Whenever I have these memories of her doing horrible things to us I get crazy mad and want to explode. I would give everything in this world to just scream at her face. To tell her how wrong she was. It intensified when I became a mother. I wanted to understand her so badly, to justify her wrongdoing, to see her as a beautiful and loving person but that couldn't happen. I was even feeling guilty for being angry at the dead person. Every single session I have at the therapist ends with talking about her. I'm almost 40 and drained. I just want to finally put her behind and find some peace. If anyone has a similar experience and can share some insights on how to finally get on with my life it would be much appreciated.

When I was 22 I got pregnant, once my daughter was born i developed severe PPD. It was so bad I literally didn’t think I was going to make it. During the whole ordeal my mom would make it worse and not acknowledge it. She’d leave me alone with my daughter when I was begging for help and refused to get me medication help. It got to the point where I was hospitalized two times. The second one was pretty bad. I finally recovered. Once I recovered and was on medication ironically that’s when my mother decided to step it. She then gave me an ultimatum and said you need to give me full custody of your daughter or you’re out of my house with your daughter on the street. I didn’t have much leverage I was scared so I obviously gave her custody. I then received a settlement for 200 thousand dollars in which I helped her by giving her 30k and she bought a new car. By this time I started dating someone else and we partied a lot had fun with the money but I was living with my mom. Kinda getting into trouble but no drugs, never stole or anything crazy. Once she ran out of money she basically kicked me to the curb went and moved with my grandmother and her husband (not my actual grandfather) who on multiple occasions my grandmother has told me her husband stares at me sexually. So I was homeless because I couldn’t live with them and my partner at the times mother didn’t like me so I couldn’t live with him. Eventually my mom met me move in i got a job. I started working and got pregnant with my partner at the time. That caused him to step up and be a man and we got an apartment together. I still stayed in communication with my daughter and there was some problems where the father of my kid and I would fight. And I’d have to go back with my mom but finally made it work because I was pregnant. I gave birth to my son and again I had PPD really bad this time worse. My mom refused to help me I’d cut myself in front of my mom and she would say snap out of it. She would make a big fuss about helping. Then again I started taking meds got better. Around that time I started to have problems with the father of my son. And my mom got involved and said come live with us. So that’s what I did because my baby’s father was just acting a mess. When I moved in with my mom her mom (my grandma) and my grandmas husband. I started working as an exotic dancer due to constant pressure on my grandmas husband end because he didn’t want me there. (Because my grandmother told me she caught him at 3:am looking at pictures of me) so eventually my mother found out where I was working and got CPS involved all three ganged up on my grandma my step grandfather and mother. Next thing you know I wake up one morning and CPS is serving me with an order to leave and they removed my son and gave my son to my mom. I was out on the street. It’s been 4 years and I’m finally doing something about it before I didn’t because my mom was always telling me she’ll get everyone against me and she did. So that I don’t get rights over my daughter my son after a year was handed over to his dad and I see him all the time. But my daughter is still in my moms care and my mom used her to manipulate me I won’t hear from my daughter in months when my mom is mad. My daughter can’t be alone with me because my mom says she doesn’t feel my daughter would be safe. One thing that is starting to concern me is my daughter is starting to develop anxiety at the same age I did. Because my grandmas husband would abuse me mentally and physically sometimes I wonder is he doing the same to her? But it’s so hard to do anything when your fighting against your own family. I don’t do drugs I don’t drink I don’t steal hell I don’t even take stuff when I’m anxious. And this battle feels so tough but I know I need to do it before my daughter comes out worse… Any advice?

I'm new to reddit and to my whole healing journey. I've been to therapy a couple of times, but mostly when I was younger for some things my mother wanted me to change, the most notable being when I used the cloth dish towel to wipe up peanut butter instead of paper towels when I was 9. She completely broke down, said I wasn't respecting her etc etc and put me in therapy. Anyway I need advice on how to deal with a narcissistic/toxic mother.

Some things she has done over the years in no particular order:

1. She read my diary, took pictures of it, sent it to my dad who then downloaded it to the family computer. I later found out when I saw pictures of it in 4k. When confronted she said that I wanted her to read my diary because it was left out

2. She would "see red" when she perceived that I was lying to her growing up. Not a real lie, what she perceived to be a lie. She would scream obscenities about how I was a piece of crap and a stupid blank of a daughter 3 inches away from my face when I was between 0-9 years old.

3. She has routinely come into my room without knocking and she has thrown away many possessions of mine over the years and rearranged my room to her liking and then expected me to praise her for doing that.

4. When we (unfortunately) have to share a hotel room she uses the excuse that she "has to go to the bathroom" while I'm in the shower and then pulls back the shower curtain and insults me saying things like "you really haven't lost weight" or something to that effect.

5. I had a dog growing up from age 8-19 and at night we had one of those feeders that you put dog food in and the dog rolls it around. It was hard plastic and a cube. Well when the dog rolled it around on the wood flooring it would make this really loud noise and that didn't work well with my mother watching TV so one night she grabbed the toy, screamed at the dog and threw her toy right in the garbage. I brought this up to her and my father recently when we got a new dog and she said "I guess I was really a sh\*\*ty person then." (My father was out of town at the time this incident initially happened.)

These are a few of the examples, certainly not all, but when I bring them up she of course has absolutely no memory of any of this happening. I'm an only child, 26F, I'm still living under her roof, she has isolated me from the rest of the family on both sides, my father has bvftd and is getting worse, and I'm still in school for my master's degree (for now). The issue is I don't make enough money to support myself through working for the university and a part time gig. Any advice on boundary setting that's not generic gray rock or "just go no contact" I understand that is a viable option for many but unfortunately I still live under her roof at this time. I'm working on an exit strategy but every time I bring it up to either parent I'm talked down into staying and continuing to live with them.

She has tortured, beat, ignored, neglected, demonised and backbitched about me so long that it’s affecting my relationship with my girlfriend and woman overall. I’m cooked bro

Mother problem

My mother text me out of the blue today, She needs a place to stay. We have not really been close for sometime. My childhood with her was a mess. At one time her gay friend tried to molest me, i ran him out of the house with a aseball bat. I was afraid i would get in trouble if i used my shotgun. She would not even wake up to talk to me about it that night. We never brought it up again. She was married 14 times, and i moved 22 times while i was in school. As a result i had very few friends. When i was 5 she let me start smoking pot with her. At 7 i can remember her giving me Quaaludes. All through high school she gave me Valium and Xanex, Let me start drinking when i was 13. At the time i was ok with it, but now i look back in disgust. I see how much that ruined my academic ability, my abilty to make friends. At 14 i got my first job. She never had time for me, i lived with Uncles and grandparents, sometimes for a year at a time. These were some of the best times, stability, honor roll. In 1984 we moved to Florida, as her father gave her a million dollar, 26 unit apartment building, which i became the caretaker of at 14. Painting , tiling, moving appliances. I managed it for year after that, as she moved from place to place, husband to husband. I received free rent but there were some long hours. I also worked my own job 40 hours a week, She received a check for rents every month and was quick to tell me if i was not doing enough. We grew more apart as time passed. Eventully she inherited a 440 acre farm in Mo, which she rented out. I had my rent for working there, but she did noting else for me. Eventully i stopped doing all drugs and drinking, But it was hard it was pretty much all i knew. I eventully got a house and moved, but still took care of Apt building, i was getting 1500 a month to do everything at that point. After a while she became more erratic, developed a meth problem and sold both the Apt building for 1 million, and the farm for just over. SHe did nothing for me when she got this money, except bought me a used 400 dollar motorcycle. So within 5 years she blew every penny she had. At one point she was living on a corner in Clearwater Fl. I felt bad and tried to help her, got her a travel trailer in Arkansas where she knew people. i probably gave her 5000 a year for 2 years but it was never enough. One day she called needing money. We had just had a hurricane here and i had been out of work for 2 weeks, just prior to that i had scrapped up money to buy myself a hot rod. Not knowing i was going to be out of work. I also had a setback where my dog had a thousand dollar vet bill. Anyways she calls and says she needs money, i tell her i don't have it. She proceeds to tell me what a living POS i am, how she wished she never had me, well that about did it for me. I helped her a few times after that when she said she was starving. Now she calls and thinks it's my duty to provide her a place to live, or allow her to move in with me,which would ruin my life. I only have a SMALL 2 bedroom 1 bath house. I feel like she should have planned for this. AITAH for not wanting to provide for her? Any comments/suggestions would be welcomed. Thank you

i can tell she loves me
like she buys me stuff, cooks me dinner, makes me tea and whatever.
but she can get so angry and say the most horrible things to me..???
i don’t feel comfortable around her at all, im not myself at all, half the time it’s her talking and me just going yeah.. yeah…
but i feel bad for her because i know she’s lonely ?
if i criticise something that she does she can get so angry that she will talk for 40 minutes after even after the arguments finished and just babble
she calls me a gaslighter and manipulator and im evil and im trying to make her life hard and that i should move out (im 17) and she screams at me and sometimes cries and im always the one who apologises not her even if she’s done something wrong
i remebeee as a child id all her the best mum ever but i dont think i could ever label her that again since i was 9
i dont know whats wrong with her really sometimes i think shes neurodivergent maybe autistic.
She always argues with our landlords and random people and people she calls
like i asked her to call my gp the other day (i know i should he in control of that from 16+ but she insists she does it cuz shes scared of my health) and she hung up the phone and called her a cunt because apparently the lady couldn’t hear her.
i’m embarrassed of her my girlfriend has never been over there, and none of my friends since i became aware of her maybe when i was 9??
she can be real mean but it’s so confusing because she can be so nice
i really become envious of my girlfriend and her mums relationship because it’s so nice?
i wish i had something like that but i have never told her anything about myself really
and i’m worried im like her and im going to become as mean and narcissistic as she is

she’s told me some really horrible stuff before and everytime we argue she leaves the house at like 1AM and goes ona. walk she’s done it since i was like 7 she does it to scare us and txt her to come back i already know that for sure
idk man i just need someone to tell me if this is normal