u/Repulsive-Break-7971

I'm new to reddit and to my whole healing journey. I've been to therapy a couple of times, but mostly when I was younger for some things my mother wanted me to change, the most notable being when I used the cloth dish towel to wipe up peanut butter instead of paper towels when I was 9. She completely broke down, said I wasn't respecting her etc etc and put me in therapy. Anyway I need advice on how to deal with a narcissistic/toxic mother.

Some things she has done over the years in no particular order:

1. She read my diary, took pictures of it, sent it to my dad who then downloaded it to the family computer. I later found out when I saw pictures of it in 4k. When confronted she said that I wanted her to read my diary because it was left out

2. She would "see red" when she perceived that I was lying to her growing up. Not a real lie, what she perceived to be a lie. She would scream obscenities about how I was a piece of crap and a stupid blank of a daughter 3 inches away from my face when I was between 0-9 years old.

3. She has routinely come into my room without knocking and she has thrown away many possessions of mine over the years and rearranged my room to her liking and then expected me to praise her for doing that.

4. When we (unfortunately) have to share a hotel room she uses the excuse that she "has to go to the bathroom" while I'm in the shower and then pulls back the shower curtain and insults me saying things like "you really haven't lost weight" or something to that effect.

5. I had a dog growing up from age 8-19 and at night we had one of those feeders that you put dog food in and the dog rolls it around. It was hard plastic and a cube. Well when the dog rolled it around on the wood flooring it would make this really loud noise and that didn't work well with my mother watching TV so one night she grabbed the toy, screamed at the dog and threw her toy right in the garbage. I brought this up to her and my father recently when we got a new dog and she said "I guess I was really a sh\*\*ty person then." (My father was out of town at the time this incident initially happened.)

These are a few of the examples, certainly not all, but when I bring them up she of course has absolutely no memory of any of this happening. I'm an only child, 26F, I'm still living under her roof, she has isolated me from the rest of the family on both sides, my father has bvftd and is getting worse, and I'm still in school for my master's degree (for now). The issue is I don't make enough money to support myself through working for the university and a part time gig. Any advice on boundary setting that's not generic gray rock or "just go no contact" I understand that is a viable option for many but unfortunately I still live under her roof at this time. I'm working on an exit strategy but every time I bring it up to either parent I'm talked down into staying and continuing to live with them.

My dad is getting really bad. He used to be a very fair, reasonable, mild-mannered guy. He used to be willing to look at things from a different perspective too. He's 56 years old and his symptoms starting becoming noticeable about 6 years ago. Recently he's become incredibly hostile, verbally abusive, one track minded, completely paranoid, and keeps forgetting the names of actors on TV.

Another thing he's doing is suing every contractor that does work on the house. The most recent one is a plumber who came out to fix an outdoor spigot. The plumber explained to him that he put a non freeze proof spigot outside and to prevent cracked pipes, he was to turn off the nozzle inside the house to let the water drain out. Anyways the point is my dad agreed and said that sounded great! The plumber did the work and left. After about 3 days, my dad starts doing "research" (talking to Google AI) and said that was catastrophically bad and could break all the pipes underneath the house and started getting worked up as if that had actually happened. Before that it was the termite guy, before that it was a different plumber, before that it was someone else and on and on for about 6 years.

I still live at home (26F), I'm getting a masters and working for the university and another part time job. My parents adopted a rescue pit bull about 2 months ago. She came from a bad situation and wasn't properly socialized. However, she's very sweet and has been his new pride and joy until about a week ago. She broke out in hives and had to be put on a steroid pack which has caused some behavioral changes like wanting to be alone, lethargy, not playing with her toys, and things like that. This has now caused him to go into a spiral about how all shelters are bad, they lied about the dogs personality , and he wants to get rid of her. I told him gently like hey here's an article about psycho-behaviotal changes in dogs on steroids and he basically ignored it. Said this was her true personality and he shouldn't be stuck with her and doesn't want to take her back to the shelter either. He mentioned that maybe we should just euthanize her, the dog is 4 years old for reference.

He's just getting really bad and verbally abusive to/about anyone and everything so any support is greatly appreciated.