I got a call from my niece who ghosted me after she turned 18. Shes 25 now. She sent me a text today saying hello aunt. I found it weird she would text me and she has never called me aunt. I told her it's weird for you to text me so what's up. She said it wasn't serious she just wanted to wish my happy 4th. I just found it weird that's all because I never gotten on well with my living siblings because they hated the fact I was different than them. Even as adults they still don't like me and I don't talk to anybody on my late dad side of the family. And I moved to another state to get away from them. So she texted me from another phone saying I'm the weirdo and that's why nobody on my dad side fuck with me. She said my kids hate me. I know that part isn't true. See I always knew my dad side don't like me and don't talk to me. And I don't talk to them either I don't even claim them. But my niece confirmed that nobody on my dad side like me. It was a little hurtful but I'm not surprised because I knew all of this since I was 12 and I'm 51 now. But it's kinda different when you know something but another story when someone else confirms it. And she would know because she's close to her granddad side of the family. So have y'all ever not been close to family members and someone else in the family confirmed the reason why.

hello

im f24 and have been planning on leaving my toxic parents household in secret for like a few months now. childhood abuse and neglect being the few reasons but the main trigger was them trying to marry me off to someone they had picked so i can stop being with my boyfriend (who is not of a similar background to mine)

i was previously living alone for my studies, convinced that ut was the reason behind me getting a boyfriend they somewhat waited for me to move my stuff back to their hoise after i had graduated and lock me in the house saying i will not pursue post grad studies anywhere but my home town (which was my plan anyway but they made it coercive which made this year very depressing). they tried isolating me from my friends, controlling my movements, they go regularly through my belongings, my dad even went through my phone and threw a tantrum over me still being in contact w my partner ?

i have undergone physical and emotional abuse at their hands so i planned secret to move out a few days before the yearly family trip. They will completely lose jt when they will find me gone. I have blocked them everywhere and plan on changing my number. I am freaking out mostly because this is clashing with my identity of being a "considerate good person".

i also an scared of missing my mother... which is weird because she can be evil when she wants. I already miss her as im typing this, crazy.

i guess i want my cake and to eat it too, i want their support but theyd never give it. I stayed in this house and was withering away, and the very people that witnessed me going through this had turned their back on me last minute saying that it might be a bad idea.

it is very rough when you go through abuse on your own, no matter what you do or say the blame is always, always shifted towards you.

i want some grace too. it is bittersweet to leave at this age, with the very same desire i have had for as long as i could remember "oh how i wish they could understand me just a little bit"

it is unfair to go through all this turmoil of feelings when it could have been so easy. For everyone

**Lettuce (let us) begin. 🥬**

First things first: I'm not wondering if I'm overreacting or if I'm the asshole. This isn't that kind of post. I'm mostly here to entertain and maybe get a little validation that going no-contact wasn't exactly an overreaction.

I'm a 35yo female and recently cut my mother out of my life after, well, a Costco-sized variety pack of reasons. Honestly, the fact that she's made it this far in life without being launched into the sun by natural consequences remains one of humanity's greatest mysteries.

The story that finally iced the cake happened at a wedding in Hawaii in 2024—but trust me, this is just one episode in a 35-season series.

I'd be here until next Tuesday if I told every story. Let's just say my mother was emotionally and physically abusive, incredibly manipulative, and possessed an Olympic-level inability to take accountability. She was never formally diagnosed with anything (although my therapist would probably volunteer as tribute), so these are simply my experiences living with her.

In my mother's universe, she is never the problem. Everyone else is.

After 35 years, I finally went no-contact, but I wish I'd done it sooner.

Now to the story.

For simplicity's sake:

* My mother's boyfriend's daughter = **Stepsister**

* Mother's boyfriend = **Stepdad** (they never actually got married)

My mother and Stepdad had been together for somewhere around 10–12 years. Maybe longer. I honestly stopped counting.

Notice I said **boyfriend**. That detail will become important later. Let's just say there was probably a reason the relationship never graduated to fiancé.

**The Bridal Shower Debacle**

The drama started before we even got to Hawaii.

Since we're Filipino, our family tree is less of a tree and more of an entire national forest. Stepsister only invited close friends and family to Hawaii. So she decided to have a bridal shower back home for everyone who wasn't making the trip.

Reasonable, right?

Enter Stepsister's biological mother.

Naturally, Stepsister's bio mom offered to help plan it.

Because...

she's...

her...

mother.

Shocking concept.

Stepsister thought that sounded perfectly reasonable, so off they went.

My mother absolutely lost her mind.

To be clear, my mom did **not** raise Stepsister. Bio Mom was never absent. She and Stepdad divorced when Stepsister was younger (I think early teens), but Bio Mom was always involved. She remarried, Stepsister lived with her dad while her brother stayed with Bio Mom, but they still celebrated birthdays, holidays, family events—you know, normal co-parenting stuff. Bio Mom also lived maybe two hours away, max.

She wasn't some long-lost parent suddenly crawling out of the woodwork.

Yet somehow my mother acted like she'd been personally betrayed.

Eventually, my mom and Bio Mom got into a huge argument. My mother dramatically announced she was "relieved" of any responsibility for planning the shower, and it ended up being hosted at Bio Mom's house. What I didn't know at the time was that this was the beginning of the end.

**Welcome to Hawaii**

We arrive in Hawaii.

The guest dress code was champagne. Not sparkly champagne. Not elegant champagne.

More like...the exact shade of every department-store shapewear bra.

Listen—it wasn't my wedding. I smiled, wore the dress, and kept my opinions to myself. (The dress itself is actually gorgeous—I liked it enough to buy it in other colors and have worn those again. The champagne version, however, now lives in the back of my closet where she can think about what she did.)

The ceremony itself was beautiful. I cried. The ocean was the backdrop. It was perfect.

A bird pooped on me before it even started.

It landed in my hair and narrowly missed ruining both my makeup and hairstyle. Honestly, even the local wildlife was getting involved in the drama.

Stepsister and her groom had purple leis reserved for the parents and white leis for everyone else. Parents sat in the front row.

My mother received...*dramatic pause*.

...a white lei.

Apparently, this was the emotional equivalent of declaring war.

She took it as a personal insult, and apparently decided that if she wasn't happy, then the bride and Stepdad weren't allowed to be happy either.

After the ceremony, the bride and groom stayed behind for portraits while everyone else was shuttled to the reception.

We stayed behind for family photos.

My mother somehow interpreted that as: *be in every photo.*

She wasn’t even posing—she just kept wandering into the background of practically every shot.

The photographer spent what felt like twenty minutes politely asking her to move.

Again.

And again.

And again.

At one point, I genuinely wondered if she thought she was part of the wedding décor.

**The Reception**

By the reception, my mother was still pouting.

Still sulking. Still radiating the energy of a toddler who'd been told they couldn't lick the grocery store floor.

Meanwhile, I was trying my best not to let her ruin the evening.

I don’t usually dress up. I’m not someone who wears a full face of makeup or gets her hair professionally done, so I really didn’t feel like myself. I spent most of the day hoping I hadn’t accidentally ruined my makeup by, you know, existing.

But eventually, I settled in, and I actually started having a great time.

Great food. A beautiful ocean view. The sun setting over the beach. A caricature artist. And my very first Mai Tai.

Life was good...

Then...came the speeches.

Best man.

Maid of honor.

Groom's parents.

Bride's parents.

Everything was going according to plan.

At one point, we even thought it was over. People started relaxing. Conversations picked back up. The room loosened. Attention moved elsewhere.

And then...

*tap tap tap*

A spoon hit a glass. My stomach dropped.

My mother decided she wanted to give a speech. This was not scheduled. No one had asked.

You know that feeling when everyone's having fun and suddenly you hear someone say, "Uh-oh..."?

That.

I remember Stepdad looking over at me with pure panic in his eyes. She had gone rogue. She simply stood up and chose chaos. After everything earlier that day, we had quietly hoped she was done. No such luck.

At this point, I was already two or three Mai Tais deep, which suddenly didn't feel like nearly enough.

I honestly blacked out for most of the speech from secondhand embarrassment, but one sentence is permanently burned into my brain.

She proudly announced how happy she was that her "**only daughter had gotten married.**"

...

There was a beat of silence. A very noticeable, very uncomfortable beat of silence.

Time stopped. Somewhere, a fork hit a plate. Someone coughed (probably choked on their drink with that line.) I could feel the room shift before I even fully processed what she had said.

Every. Single. Head. Turned. Slowly.

Toward me. Sitting directly behind her.

Very much alive.

Very much not married.

Just wishing I could evaporate on the spot.

For context, I was there with my boyfriend at the time (now my husband), and we were very much attending someone else’s wedding—not starring in a surprise mother-daughter delusion.

I immediately leaned over to my boyfriend and whispered, "Can you please get me another Mai Tai? A stronger one."

**The Grand Finale**

The evening ended exactly the way you’d expect.

Back at the hotel, my mother and Stepdad had a full-blown screaming match.

Not a disagreement. Not a tense conversation. A full-volume, objects-being-thrown situation.

My boyfriend and I just sat there for a moment like… *so this is our life now.* Then we made a very mutual, very silent decision: We were done for the night.

The next morning, Stepdad offered us the rental car and said we should go enjoy Hawaii, so at least someone would have a good time on this trip.

We immediately accepted. No hesitation.

We quietly took it and spent the day exploring Hawaii on our own while they… dealt with whatever that relationship had become.

No schedule.

No chaos.

No surprise speeches.

Just peace.

The best souvenir from that trip?

They broke up. Finally. Honestly...Hawaii deserved better than being the backdrop for whatever that was.

Maybe I'll write some stories about the other crazy manipulative antics my mother has managed to pull off over the years. Love y'all.

I just moved apartments, and I cried while calling my dad for help.

my mother would always denigrate me and make sure I knew she thought I was expensive, burdensome filth if I didn't know anything, and she would never teach me. just would grab the keyboard or book or pen and say "let me do it". she would talk about how much money I cost at kohls and the supermarket while she spent hundreds on designer handbags, all on credit.

my dad is the stark opposite, and wouldn't enable her. he would get after her for spending so much on credit and dragging his score down on shared cards. so she divorced him AND got an annulment, coaching my brother and I to lie and exaggerate things about dad during legal battles so she would get more child support and custody. she would also get mad when I lied to HER, despite me trying to make her promise that she wouldnt punish me for telling the truth (which lasted a week at most).

I called him for help the other day, and I could barely speak. I was overwhelmed with dread and fear, and I only asked him what I do from there, wanting advice to do it myself instead. but what I got from him was a "how much do you need, do you need it right now?", no questions, judgement, or expectations of gratitude beyond "you're lucky your dad loves ya", and he trusts me unwaveringly to repay him some very important cash that he willingly gave me, despite my mother still taking a big chunk of child support out of his paycheck for my brother. he even told me not to be nervous, that he would always do whatever he could for me and that everyone makes dumb mistakes that don't match up with their intelligence sometimes.

it hadn't really clicked before now how much damage mom had done not just to me and my psyche, but to my relationship with him. she made me expect the worst out of everyone, because she kept showing and telling me that I deserve it, and that everyone would react the same way. it's baffling now to realize that there are actually people out there who care about me, trust me, and are willing to go out on a limb just to make sure I'm happy and safe.

the mismatch in my expectations vs. what my dad actually did is exactly why my mother is still blocked and doesn't know where I live, and my father has already been visited twice, gets cards on every holiday including his birthday, and is receiving a VERY nice bottle of his favorite liquor when I can afford it next.

feel free to reflair this if it's more of a vent or needs a cw, but I figured it's pretty happy (or at least bittersweet, more emphasis on the sweet).

Since i moved out ive attempted to cut off my parents a few times, but always fell for the “were so sorry, we promise we will be better” message.

I finally committed to it, after not seeing any improvement from them, and after noticing that visiting to my childhood “home” for Christmas caused me so severe panic attacks that i couldn’t even hide it from my extended family anymore.

Now already 3 months after explicitly telling them to leave me alone and not message/call or expect me to show up to family events, they message me.

I really do not want this to escalate, and i really do not want my extended family to begin pressuring me to resume contact again. I left their number unblocked in case of emergencies, and it feels extreme for me to block them.

They will always act very sweet on text, saying that they are sorry for the harm theyve done, just for the same shit to happen after a week.

How do yall respond/not respond, without feeling guilty? How do yall keep your extended family from prying? Should i just block them since they cant seem to respect the no contact barrier? I feel harsh and terrible, but every time i let them back in they hurt me.

Im 22f living with my bf for context.

Sorry for the rambly diary entry below…

I just got married to the love of my life in a small, intimate, micro wedding. Immediate family and our two best friends.
My father wasnt invited, and to be quite honest has no idea I was even engaged.

He responds when I message him with an emergency- when I was in an abusive relationship and was stranded overseas.
When I was recovering from emergency surgery due to life threatening internal bleeding.

He doesn’t reach out, doesn’t call. Doesn’t visit. Im not even sure he knows my husbands name.

It was the right choice not telling him, not inviting him… but it still feels like a hollow win.
He’s still my father. And as far as I can tell an incredible father to my half brothers.
But he hasn’t tried with me since I was 14 years old and Im now 30.

Guess I’m just looking for some understanding in this conflicting state

So, my relationship with my mother came to a head physically yesterday. I reacted physically first and I feel like shit. But I’m done, can’t do it anymore. I sent her this letter to express everything I feel.

She responded with that text.

What would you do next?

Hey,
What happened yesterday should not have happened. I crossed the line by becoming physically aggressive towards you. I should have never run up to you and pushed you like that. Your reaction was valid and fair enough. I’m sorry I did that, and I’m sorry this has gotten out of control.
This has cemented in my mind that I never want to live with you again, and after this tenancy runs out, I will be moving. I’m too old to be interacting with you in this way.
I’ve tried counseling, I’ve tried going out, moving, new people, and I’m healing my wounds from growing up with you. Healing isn’t linear, so moments like last night happen, but never to that extent. This has solidified that we need to separate. When I left your house in 2017 and moved on my own, it was the best thing for me, and after a while, our relationship improved. It would be nice to see you occasionally, and I would like to go back to that.
Our relationship has always been difficult because we do not understand each other. I’m resentful and annoyed at you whenever we spend too much time together. Being around you makes me unhealthy and insular.
I sit and think about your story. You have been through a lot. It genuinely makes me so emotional thinking about your life. Whenever you act any way, I always think about your story, and it makes me empathise with you. I want you to see how I see your life from my POV, experiencing life with you, growing with you, and walking alongside you throughout all of it.
To me, you’ve been in survival mode since you were born. Your mum died early, then Grandma died, leaving you alone to figure out womanhood on your own. You got caught up in a teen pregnancy and got judged and ostracised by the entire family. You’ve been the black sheep, disappointment, and underdog your entire life. You managed to make it out, meet a man, move to England, and pull everyone else up despite how they treated you. You extended a hand on your come-up, and they withdrew theirs as soon as they were able to stand on their own.
I’ve seen how hurtful this has been to you. I’ve seen how this lives rent-free in your head to the point of causing you to be stuck, waiting for them to acknowledge how you’ve helped them, give you community support, and stop judging you as the girl that got pregnant early and is still struggling. This may never happen, and I see how much it makes you navigate life through your ego. This has led to choosing the wrong partners, not asking for help out of pride, and self-isolation.
The thing is, you are resilient, caring, and giving. You are such a bleeding-heart person. You will always help someone out, always overextend. Though these are great traits, I suspect it comes from a place of self-abandonment because that’s all you’ve ever known. There’s an expectation that everyone should operate this way, but that’s just not how the world works.
Raising two kids with limited resources in many areas money, community support, educational background is hard work. Seeing it now from a grown-up lens, you did your absolute best. It is not easy. I respect you for pushing through because it could have been much worse.
That being said, it hasn’t been easy. Since moving to England to come live with you, I counted us moving from place to place more than 10 times. There was so much instability, eggshells, wondering if you’d be happy or sad, trying to predict your moods. So much rage, so much judgement. You made sure there was a roof over our heads and we had food. Thank you. I want you to know I’m grateful for that, but you would also have had to do that regardless of whether I was around.
You have never been a place of emotional safety for me. Because you’ve always been so judgmental and harsh, I don’t find you to be a safe space, and that feeling has only ever grown since I was a teenager into adulthood. I was worried about bills and housing and all sorts of things when I should have been worrying about school and having a decent childhood. Now, in my adulthood, where I’m going places, meeting new people, and enjoying my life, I feel like I’m finally finding some peace.
Before moving into this place with you, I could feel how it was going to be from the Christmas where you barked at me because I had a different opinion on something and completely ruined the mood. Then we were in that small studio space trying to live together. It just exaggerated things. How you’re living now, it’s like you want me to clean up your mess, and I’m just learning to live. If I put up any boundary, then I’m being selfish, and I hate you for not holding you down.
This makes me so sad, angry, and concerned. Sometimes it feels like you’re not planning for the future and I’m the retirement plan. In a way, it’s an anchoring feeling. You’re unstable, and I can’t leave you. There’s nobody else to help. It’s like you’ve said to yourself, "It’s my turn now to support you." This is so wrong. I’m unwilling to pour from an empty cup. I don’t want to repeat the same cycle. One thing I’m glad I’m not doing is having kids because we would be suffering in the exact same way.
I hate how you project onto me. I hate how, if I don’t smile and laugh, I have a problem. I like being in my room. Actually, being in my room was my place of safety and retreat from you when we lived together. You would constantly berate me. You’d stand at my door arguing for hours. I only felt safe with my door locked. That way I wouldn’t retaliate and prolong any arguments. This unfortunately still follows me. Now, in this new house, I don’t like being around you too long. I start feeling those feelings, and I need to retreat. You don’t understand this, and I’ve never explained it… again, because you’re not an emotionally safe person for me. So you get insulted and lash out. The cycle continues.
I don’t think you know me as a person, and that’s sad. I really hate how you assume things about me as facts and then try to use them to insult me. You’ve recently gotten extremely religious and constantly use your religiosity to act like you’re above it all. You’re always talking about how I don’t believe in God and that’s why I’m like this. It’s so hard to listen to. I think Christianity is flawed. I would rather be anywhere than in a church with a bunch of people lying to themselves. What I love about church is the community it provides. I wish you would take advantage of that aspect, but you won’t because having like-minded friends would be good for you, to get you out of your own head and give you a social life. For the record, I have never once told you I don’t believe in God. I just don’t subscribe to Christianity. You’ll never catch me praying to "him" when we both witness with our own eyes life emerging from a woman.
You’re constantly judging me for being single and talking about how my character is preventing me from being in a relationship. Let me be clear. I am single. I am not lonely. I have community. I have friends that nurture my soul. The thing I want for myself that I’ve never gotten is stability, a stable home, a great income, and the ability to move around in the world untethered.
A relationship with a man is the furthest thing from my mind. I couldn’t care less if I was single for my whole life. I’m enjoying life much, much more without any attachment. If that comes along, sure, fine, but it’s whatever. For some reason, you find this concept so hard.
I find you extremely male-centred. How you look to people and to men literally dictates how you move around the world as an adult woman. I think that’s sad, and I don’t want any advice from you in this area. I’ve seen you fail at choosing yourself too many times. I used to have nightmares thinking Neil would kill you, the amount of physical abuse I witnessed. I thought you had it in the bag with Ockee, but he was emotionally abusive to you too. And we won’t even mention John. He wasted 10 years of your life. His character was bad from the start, but you walked into that with your eyes wide open and still stayed. Everything you do is from a survival-mode approach, even picking a partner, so please stop projecting your fear of being alone onto me.
I’m worried that you don’t see the seriousness of the stage you are at in life. You’re not thinking in reality and planning factually about how your life will look. in about 15 years when you’ll be retirement age and it seems you’re looking to me to figure it out for you. You get angry about me not wanting to do your business plans and constantly blaming me and everyone in the family for not going along with whatever get-rich-quick plan you come up with at the time. I’ve accepted that I will be your retirement plan, or Shauna. So I’m going to focus on being successful so I can support you from afar.
I think this is getting rambly, but ultimately, being around you. Imagine being around my mother is extremely unhealthy for me, and it makes me become the lowest version of myself. In all honesty, I don’t have the energy to keep doing this and living this way. If I search my heart and I’m honest, I don’t really want to be around you. It’s too painful.
I’m sick of being told I’m a narcissist for trying to protect myself from someone who is always hurting me, even when you think you’re joking. Everything feels like a jab. I’m sick of trying to predict and protect your feelings. I’m sick of hearing you say some of the most ignorant stuff and expecting me to laugh when I don’t want to. I don’t even like it when you hug me because it’s so uncommon and rare it feels uncomfortable. I find it so strange that you raised us in this survival-mode way, with hardly any softness, but you’re expecting us to give you something. We’re trying to develop on our own, and you act like it wasn’t that bad because we didn’t turn out crazy or wayward.
I don’t know what will happen, but I’m waiting out this tenancy to get my final citizenship, then I’m going to start to think about my options. I might move countries. England has been a hellscape. That passport will be the only reward. I’m sorry how this reads, but I’m thinking it as I type, and it may be a mumbled mess, but I’m sat here with my jaw aching from the punch you gave me. I can no longer do this with you. Our relationship will only work if we live apart.  

Her reply via WhatsApp

Yes I get it let’s put these to the test your prediction versus GOD .. only time will tell.. I STILL TRUST GOD.. your unbelief in me will not define me.. this pull down that you’re joining hands with Satan to do and say will not manifest in my life.. I don’t hate.. but I have to stop liking you.. so kool

Backstory;
Highschool was difficult for me because I moved around so much after my single father's death at 15. I moved into my aunts house and after a year adapted into my friend groups.

Sophomore year a new girl moved into our grade and she was sweet and really pretty. I noticed she didn't talk to a lot of people so I introduced myself to her and my friends. She got along great with us and made friends fast. We started to hang out a lot after school and got really close.

We was best friends for about two years, spending most of every day together and going everywhere. Most people knew you couldn't have one without the other. After awhile our friends started to drift apart but me and her stayed close and even got closer because we were the last two.

One summer we didn't have any friends after shit hit the fan, I dropped out, and we just did things at the house or went swimming at the YMCA. School was starting up and she asked me if I'd go back and re enroll since she didn't have anyone but me. I said yes and went back the next month with her.

I was sick to my stomach because she wasn't picking up her phone and life360 was off. I figured her parents grounded her because they was a little on the strict side, but no. I walked up to her in the hallway and she looked like she'd seen a ghost. She looked right at me and walked away and started talking to girls that specifically didn't like me.

I went to class and tried texting again but no luck. She sat across the hall on another wall with the same girls for lunch and would get up and follow where they went so I couldn't come talk to her. I waited all day to get home and call her to only find out she blocked me. I was hurt and confused and called our mutual friend, unknown, and they told me she started a rumor I was on Me** and that's why i'm so skinny and have so much energy.

She also was telling people I was screwing my uncle, and obviously that's not true either. He graped me and she knew that.

What should I do:
That all said:: I been making amends and I'm trying to cope on if I want to let this eat at me my whole life or just text her and find out why.

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I’m now 17 years old and my mother kept her word and kicked me out. I thought she wouldn’t do it or maybe I hoped she wouldn’t because I’m her daughter but she hates all her children so I’m not surprised. She let me take a few things like my clothes and toiletries among a few other things. Yet wouldn’t let me take my birth control pills or my medicine for my mental illness not surprised on that because she takes them every time she’s mad at me. I’m not going to call her and beg to go back because I’m too tired of her bull crap. I’m staying with a friend I met online till I turn eighteen. He’s a good guy and is willing to help me get on my feet I’m glad to have a place to stay for a while. I haven’t tried to get in touch with my dad’s side of the family because they want nothing to do with my mother and plus they don’t know that he had children with her plus I don’t want to be the one to tell them that their son is dead. I don’t feel that’s my place because I don’t know these people and I don’t want to get to know them.

I just sent this to my dad. I mean every word of it. I hope I wasn't too harsh. I burnt the house down and there's no going back.

I was fortunate to spend the day with one of my brothers today. Always lovely to see them, but reminiscing is difficult. 

I understand that your wife had an illness that made life hell for us. But. There was nothing wrong with you. No illness, no bad upbringing.

Just a man who was too fucking afraid of his own wife to stand up for his children. You let your eldest son be homeless at 15. You can claim to have forgotten it all or that it was not true. I was there. I was a witness. I will NEVER forget it.

I know you love God. I know that you believe that you'll be taken to heaven. There's a life review there. You will have to watch what your inaction did to your children. And god bless your soul while that reel plays. 

Good luck explaining to God or Jesus how you stood by and let that happen to us. 

I used to idolize you. Because you didn't beat or berate us. Or throw things at us. Now I understand that you were the more evil of the two of you because you allowed it to happen. You only cared about yourself. 

May you be granted all the peace in heaven that we were granted here on earth. 

Do not send cards here anymore. They have all the sincerity of a man who fucked his children over. May your mother kick your ass in heaven. 

Good luck with that life review thing. It's gonna be a rough one. 

You cannot hide behind illness. You can only live in the shame that is deserved of a person who let their children be abused. 

You'll probably have forgotten about this, but your wife sold your son to a farmer for a whole summer. At the end of the summer, he made $75.00. How much did your wife make for his labor?

How could you let this happen to us? You have made a mockery of everything that your ancestors stood for. 

There's no forgiveness for someone who allowed such cruelty to their children. You should have maned the FUCK up. 

How does it feel to have three of four children who want nothing to do with you? Did God give you really bad children or did God give your children really bad parents?

Do you have other friends who have the same problem? I seriously doubt it. 

You deserve every lonely minute you have coming. 

Like how do you guys deal with that? The politicians I see in media have the same psychopath-eyes like my father. I'm autistic and haven't been able to work since covid and our country's (not US) chancellor is scapegoating the sick and poor, waging a culture war, triangulation, while having the only function of extracting money from society into the hands of billionaires. And I bet that is his narcissistic supply.

Does anyone else see this? It's the same techniques, the same disordered narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths dictating everyone's life, just like in our fucked up families. Doesn't this like trigger anyone else into oblivion?

Don't wanna start a political debate, just wanna know how to cope

Me and my partner were destroyed dealing with the narc in laws over a 8 year period as my partner was the scapegoat. For my partner it was 30 years+ of abuse. We went NC 1 year ago. After NC we began being educated on NPD. My partner saw their relative's post where their siblings (GC and flying monkey) are getting married to rich lawyer husband and tech worker in US. The malignant narc mother and father always used to be poor and scam my partner's money growing up. But they recently just purchased a rental property.

Meanwhile me and my partner have had health issues since we went NC and I am having heart issues in my 30's. It's demoralizing. For all the suffering we went through seems like there's no justice.

Hi everyone,

I’m in the middle of an escape plan from my parents (covert narc mother, ocpd father).

I was just given an opportunity to potentially get way further away from them than I initially thought possible by someone incredibly kind. The problem is that it is going to cost me a lot more money to be in that location vs my original destination, plus if I want to bring any amount of my stuff it’s an extra amount.

My mother has access to my main account (I have a hidden account now). She has about $5000 of my money in one of her accounts to “help balance it”. She took it without me knowing and told me very nonchalantly after the fact. “It’s all family money anyway.” I’m on disability. It takes me years to save any sort of amount.

Is there a way for me to go about getting that money back? They absolutely cannot know I’m leaving, and I don’t know what I would say to explain why I need it. To justify why it can’t just sit in her account and help her out.

I could get my dad involved but it’s risky. I don’t know whose side he will take.

This money could be life changing for me. But if it tips them off then I’m toast, it’s over. So I’m not sure it’s worth it. And I have no actual evidence that it’s mine, so she could just say I’m remembering wrong, that she never said that.

Reading about leaving someone with ocpd (how determined they can become to drag you back) makes me feel distance would be a great thing, and this location would have other benefits. But getting there without extra money will be near impossible.

Open to any thoughts, especially if you’re someone who had to escape in secret.

Thank you everyone!

It says it right in the heading.

My dad is in his 80s and is dying. I have not seen or spoke to him for about 5 years. It’s a tale as old as time. Some good times with overwhelming emotional abuse and neglect by him and my mom. As an adult his attitude towards me and my kiddos were piss poor. I do well for myself inspire of his treatment of me and he’d constantly shit talk me to my aunt and remained on good terms with my abusive ex husband.

A few days ago I got word from my aunt my dad was in the hospital for sepsis. In spite of good treatment he has continued to decline and may require surgery. Add to this additional drama surrounding my estranged sister getting a DUI and leading the cops on a high speed chase with my 7 year old nephew in the car.

I am surprised at the sorrow I feel at the prospect of my dad dying. I have the strong urge to say good bye but I only know I’m grieving the dad I wished he was and not the man who treated me badly. Who wished for my downfall and talked bad about me to anyone who would listen.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Exactly a month ago, I wrote this about my mother showing up at my door: https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/s/KykhJl5eFa

If you commented and I didn’t answer, I apologize; I was in shock for quite a while after that and couldn’t process talking about it. But I did read every response, and each one made me feel seen and supported. So thank you for caring 💙

In the days following this incident, we installed cameras and blocked some more of the flying monkeys, which made us feel a little safer. I also spoke to a lawyer who pretty much dismissed me, which made me feel quite defeated. He said it’s complicated, it could backfire, basically gave me 0 chance. I kind of stopped trying, which I learned today was a huge mistake.

She came back. Middle of the day, entered the gated building once again, lurked at the door for a long time. She tried calling my partner, whom she pretended didn’t exist for the entire estrangement period so far. When he didn’t answer, she left a voicemail about just wanting to see us and called my MIL, whom she tried to order to get us/me to talk to her. MIL must think we’re all insane by this point. She also told her she checked that our car was there, so she knew we were home.

She lurked, then eventually left. My partner went out to make sure she was gone, and found a note that subtly accused him of hiding me or hurting me or something. It’s subtle enough that only someone who knows her could read the poison between the lines.

Perhaps the weirdest thing is that, a while after she left, my angel of a cat started howling and scratching at the door still imbued with her perfume. She has no beef with anyone, so it’s pretty clear she could sense something off with this particular person.

We’re terrified and seriously considering moving from the home we love. Thank you for reading.

I am the only child of divorced parents (father 76, mother 63, me 33). They divorced when I was 21 but were severely dysfunctional for at least the last 6 years I lived there so it was a relief when they did. They weren't abusive to me. They provided everything I needed physically.

My mother's confidence tanked after the divorce and she needed support I couldn't provide as she navigated the dating and newly single scene. She became quite frustrated/aggressive with me. Never physical but alot of negativity towards me and how bad of a daughter I was. On a few occasions she'd call me last minute to tell me she wasn't paying my tuition that month. Or she'd insist we go out shopping together to bond where sometimes she'd make a big deal over her paying and others she'd lead me up to the till and say 'I don't know why you think I'd be paying for that.' It was very stressful for me because I never knew which I was going to get even if I asked. And then if I thought she wasn't going to pay and just go window shopping shed accuse me of trying to 'make a point' by not buying anything. No matter what I did I left feeling like an entitled brat aha. It also meant I had a lot of financial insecurity because I never knew when they were going to pull my funds. I couldn't get any help because on paper my parents were paying for me. I ended up working 2 jobs to try to get some security but I was competing with students at a top 15 school who didn't work 40 hours a week and could study and that made my life pretty hard

The last time I spoke to her she was trying to get me to drive 4 hours to meet her boyfriend and his family for mothers day in the mountains. I had told her I didn't want to meet her boyfriends until we were on better terms and this always caused significant friction. On this occasion I physically couldnt drive because I was uninsured and had just severely sprained my ankle so was trying to figure out how to get and pay for an x-ray. She chewed me out pretty bad and then blocked me when I said I couldn't come. Since then I haven't tried to contact her. In the last few years shes started sending me emails saying she wanted to reconnect but she very rarely responds to my replies.

On my dad's side were essentially another victim of politics. He's a big trump supporter. I'm not. I asked him for 6 years to not talk to me about politics but as he got more and more isolated after the divorce all he would talk about was our great bond as father and daughter and trump. I have a lot of anger for how absent my dad was growing up and how he chose not to support me after I was 18 even when I asked for help. It's just difficult for me to hear him talk about the amazing childhood he gave me(I was lonely and self harming for a lot of it) and our great bond while also trying to get into fights with me about politics which I've asked him repeatedly to not bring up. We had a big blow up one day and now he sends me about 2-3 emails a year outlining all the great things trump has done and that he misses me. Sometimes I respond re-iterating the no politics band. Sometimes I don't because I'm too tired

I have my first child on the way and it has me re-evaluating whether I'm being too sensitive with my parents. I've lurked here for awhile and everyone else's stories seem a lot more obvious that they should be no contact. I haven't read one like mine that's more in a gray zone. My parents aren't bad people but they're a product of their very human flaws. I don't mean to go no contact to punish them but just because I've never felt able to take on those flaws. For some reason they feel personally aimed at me. But again as an only child in a country I wasn't born in I recognise that my child won't have as much family as other people. It seems selfish to turn anyone away at this point.

Does anyone have any advice for how to re-evaluate this? I'm just afraid if I let them and find my parents haven't changed then it will only be bad news. I know from another source that my mom's sole reason for contacting me in the last few years is because she wants access to any of her grandchildren and that makes me a bit hesitant

Thanks very much in advance!