Mom and sister both cut me off.
I’m a 27‑year‑old woman with CPTSD, and my family is fully aware of it. I’m about to start grad school for clinical mental health counseling, and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more aware of just how dysfunctional my family dynamic has always been. I’ve been the scapegoat for as long as I can remember. When I was 3, my mom started entering me into singing competitions and never stopped. Performing became the only way she valued me. When I was 15, I messed up one line during an audition for The Voice and didn’t make it past the first round. My mom looked at me and said she had “given up on me.” From that moment on, I don’t think she ever saw me the same unless I was performing.
She’s diabetic and sometimes gets very sick, and my dad and sister bend over backwards to take care of her. Despite that, she constantly calls us “unempathetic.” Her favorite words for me and my dad are “selfish,” “manipulative,” and “unempathetic.” A few nights ago, she was on speakerphone with her sister and said we had all been “unempathetic” while she was sick even though my sister had been doing everything for her and my dad had taken days off work to help. Hearing that word triggered something in me. I broke down crying because it’s been used against me my entire life. It felt like my brain finally hit a breaking point.
I told her I was tired of being called names like that. After I left, she stopped contacting me. My sister also disappeared. When I finally called her, she immediately attacked me, saying she would “never talk to her parents like that” and that she’s “never been like me.” She said she won’t speak to me until I apologize. I told her I’m done apologizing for how they make me feel. This isn’t new whenever my mom is mad at me, my sister follows her lead. It hurts, but I’m starting to accept that distancing myself might be the healthiest choice I can make after years of being the family scapegoat.
EDIT: To add more context my sister also struggles with her own mental health. She’s diagnosed with anorexia and has always been the one who goes above and beyond to keep my parents happy. I’ve always been the more defiant kid, so our roles in the family ended up very different.
I’m assuming part of why she still lives with my parents is because she feels safer staying close to them and keeping the peace. And with her eating disorder, I’ve noticed she tends to use control over food as the one area in her life where she feels she has autonomy. It’s like her way of coping in a family dynamic where she’s constantly trying to meet expectations.