u/mb1210

My Mother & Father divorced ~ 10-12years ago. Mother has always been apart of my life & is a great support network.

However my Father & I haven't spoke in ~5years. He fell out with me over my wedding and essentially disappeared. A lot has happened in that time, getting married, having a child, he hasn't been apart of any of it. All of a sudden he decided to show up at my workplace, out of nowhere. Lot of mixed emotions of shock/anger thinking he can just walk back into my life (and my workplace - embarrassing) like nothing has happened.

We arranged to meetup (reluctantly on my part) and 2days before he cancelled. Honestly I was relieved. He has since tried texting to meetup again. Part of the problem is that I didn't want to meet in a bar. His idea of bonding is having lots of pints, playing pool, and watching football. Then once he has 5-6pints his really feelings come out. This is how we used to meetup before the whole falling out.

My stipulation for the first meetup was that it was based solely around lunch & maybe a coffee. I imagine that didn't suit him for the first meetup, so he cancelled, and now he wants to reschedule on his terms for a location, the usual routine as you can guess. Maybe that was ok in my early 20s, but I've grown and moved on from all that since then.

I feel conflicted. I feel like I should meetup almost of out sympathy, and because he is making whatever effort this is to try meet. However I can't possibly think of any reason to have him back in my life, why would I invite any of this stress/drama back? It doesn't add value and only causes problems. I'm happy with my life, and not exactly missing him in anyway. He has his own life with a new woman and that's great, I'm not looking to build a relationship & play happy families anymore, especially with a child of my own. I can't seem to shake whatever guilt this is that I feel hanging over me, simply because he is my father.

Thanks for any advice that you can offer!