u/_kenzo__tenma

Growing up, anything I would do would make my parents angry. Sometimes, they would just get mad at me, and say "you are doing this on purpose" "you treat us like dogs", while never pointing out WHICH thing i was doing wrong. Sometimes, they would blame me for their own shortcomings "you broke my vape". Sometimes, it was a vague accusation "you dont love us". Or just normal things that would be offending "you woke up earlier today bc youre accusing us to make too much noise in the morning".

The repercussion was very strong every time, they were physically and psychologically abusive.

For completeness, I never was a troublesome child. I was lowkey a child prodigy and i always got great grades (I am a researcher now), I never smoked, never partied or drinked, didnt have a partner, I did my piano, violin and mandarin lessons... But somehow I was always doing everything wrong, and making them lash out at me.

Can anyone relate?

my landlord who is not european and lives outside of europe registered his entire family at my address, they did not live here, they received pension and other subsidies despite being extremely rich and not living here. they got deregistered in less than 5 weeks by the gemeente

I feel like a failure and I struggle because i dont fit in this society.

Everyone has a family and i dont. I left my very abusive family after my father died less than a uear ago. I rly feel unworthy of respect and dignity, because my family never gave it to me.

I am a high achiever, professionally, personally, and academically. But I know I will never fit in, and no matter my achievements, I will always be reduced to what I cant do

Hi, I am very depressed in the Netherlands since i moved from belgium.

The work is the best opportunity in my life. I have a good salary, an amazing network, good supervisors, great colleagues. They are pushing me to do my best and they are giving me all the necessary ressources. I do a lot of business trips, they are fun and I can always learn a lot.

I have friends here, and I am very socially active, my weekends are always full, my evenings too, it can even be too much to be honest. I also discovered some very nice hobbies, i went to holidays in the mountains (not in the Netherlands), I was hiking and biking a lot, it was really fun!

And despite all of this... I just feel so unfulfilled. I dont feel at home. I dont feel like i have a community. I feel so miserable here. Its hard and lonely. I feel like I am an outlier, when I see that I eat 3 times as much as my colleagues, and that we dont have many things in common. I have started learning dutch but its not helping me.

I am seeing some physical signs of my mental state. I have lost 10% of my weight in 10 months, unintentionally. I decided to move back to belgium in a bit more than half a year, and do a 1.5 hour commute. A few colleagues do the same so ik its common. I only need to do it twice per week.

However, this is many months. Does anyone know what to do to cope? I already travel a lot, and I spend a lot of time socializing and doing sports. I also do therapy.

Hello, sometimes, i get contacted by people who rent, and sublet their accommodation for more expensive than they rent themselves. Is this legal?

Trying to figure out which number I should actually be putting on rental applications.

I'm an employee. My employer's letter states €42,691.40/year, and it explicitly says that includes the 8% holiday allowance and the year-end bonus. My base salary is about €3,059/month gross. From 1 October it goes up to €3,546 base, €49,487.98/year.

So: when a listing says "income must be 3.5x the rent," is that measured against base monthly salary, or against annual gross divided by 12 (so including vakantiegeld and eindejaarsuitkering)?

Does it differ between the big institutional landlords and smaller private agents? And if I state the annual figure but my payslip only shows base, does that cause problems?

Anyone who's been through this recently? what did you put down, and did it get questioned?

Hello,

I felt lucky today, so here's my introduction.

My name is Thomas, Im 24, Im a trans guy, and I am a PhD student in economics. I am very passionate about my studies, and I consider myself to be a big nerd. I currently am studying in the Netherlands.

My hobbies: I enjoy travelling, climbing, and hiking. Nature helps me stay sane while doing my PhD.

My type: nerds.

What I am looking for: genuine connection. I am both happy with making a friend or a queerplatonic partner. Romance has never been my thing, I think that it is made up to sell more chocolate on valentines, and I can only imagine myself long term with a platonic partner. My ideal date is playing stardew valley or a cosy game with someone I like to be around

Hello,

I felt lucky today, so here's my introduction.

My name is Thomas, Im 24, Im a trans guy, and I am a PhD student in economics. I am very passionate about my studies, and I consider myself to be a big nerd. I currently am studying in the Netherlands.

My hobbies: I enjoy travelling, climbing, and hiking. Nature helps me stay sane while doing my PhD.

My type: nerds.

What I am looking for: genuine connection. I am both happy with making a friend or a queerplatonic partner. Romance has never been my thing, I think that it is made up to sell more chocolate on valentines, and I can only imagine myself long term with a platonic partner. My ideal date is playing stardew valley or a cosy game with someone I like.

Hello,

I am currently considering buying and I am also looking into insurance for my mortgage. I saw there are options for furniture, death or sickness. I think sickness might be worth it. However, death? I am single with no kids. I do not have a will because I am young and healthy. Do I need this option?

Hello, I am a phd student, an immigrant, and a trans man, and renting right now is extremely difficult. I pass as male but my id says female. I earn 3100 euros gross, so I cant really afford a studio by myself, because of the 3 to 4 times gross income requirement most landlords have. I have been looking extensively and i cant even get viewings. I have been looking everywhere in the randstad area.

So the solution is: rooms. However, I have messaged landlords and they have insulted me, and I have messaged tenants, and most of the times they tell me straight up that they are uncomfortable living with a trans person. I dont know what to do, I have a room right now but my landlord is threatening to evict me, he is also charging 900 euros for 9sqm, and my flatmate is hostile. I am currently changing my id in my country of origin but its taking a long time bc the administration is slow. I have a lot of savings, but landlords do not care. What should i do? How do other trans ppl find housing?

Hello, I am a phd student, an immigrant, and a trans man, and renting right now is extremely difficult. I earn 3100 euros gross, so I cant really afford a studio by myself, because of the 3 to 4 times gross income requirement most landlords have. I have been looking extensively and i cant even get viewings.

So the solution is: rooms. However, I have messaged landlords and they have insulted me, and I have messaged tenants, and most of the times they tell me straight up that they are uncomfortable living with a trans person. I dont know what to do, I have a room right now but my landlord is threatening to evict me, he is also charging 900 euros for 9sqm, and my flatmate is hostile. I am currently changing my id in my country of origin but its taking a long time bc the administration is slow. I have a lot of savings, but landlords do not care. What should i do? How do other trans ppl find housing?

Hello,

I am currently a first year phd student in the Netherlands. I earn 3000 euros gross. I am currently renting a room of 9sqm for 900 euros per month, with a landlord threatening to evict me because i asked him to repair the fridge, and a hostile flatmate who makes noise late every night among other concerns. I started looking for housing, very broadly (within an hour and half of commute). I never even get viewings because it is difficult to get anything with my budget of 1000 euros.

Edit: Landlords require u to earn 3 to 4 times the rent in gross income. i wish i could spend more in rent but it isnt an option.

It sucks because the phd is the best opportunity ive ever had, and even then, I cant live decently. I love my job and I love the research. The network is great, supervision is great, the project is fantastic, the funding is amazing. I just cant live decently. I feel quite hopeless and cornered.

Hi, I dont think it makes sense for me to buy in the Netherlands bc I might not get a new job here in three years.

However i still need to find a place where to live. I earn about 3.500k gross. I have a comfortable amount of savings. Is there any way I could get a room/studio more easily, for example, asking to pay 6 months rent in advance? Im also fine with temporary contracts of a year or more.

What i wouldnt be fine with is the very expensive furnished services rentals.

Hi,

I am estranged from my family. I have been wondering if i am allowed and legitimate enough to call my experience sexual abuse. I will describe it below.

My mom has always disregarded my boundaries, and she considers my body "her body" (in her words).

I will give some examples of events that crossed boundaries:

- When I was in middle school (i was between 12 and 14yo) she insisted to shower me once (because my hair was greasy). I told her, because its my hair, i would like to wear a swimsuit while she showers me. She said no, and she forced me to be naked in front of her, and she didnt step back even if i was crying the entire time. She kept saying "I am your mom, its not sexual".

- When I was older (maybe between 21 and 22), she assaulted me once. She thought i was hiding a tattoo, so she jumped on me, and she tried to remove my tshirt by force, and I had to fight her back to escape.

- When I was 24, she became worse, and she forced me to hold her hand in public, but she was not satisfied with normal hand holding, she forced her fingers to be intertwined with mine.

- Also when I was older, she insisted a lot to sleep in the same bed with me. My dad was very sick, so I understand she didnt want to be alone, but I was very uncomfortable.

I want to call it incest, but I feel like it doesnt fit the common narrative of dads being the offenders, and offenders having a sexual motive. In the eyes of everyone, my mom is helpless and a victim, and I am a bad son for cutting contact.

i hate networking

Hello,

I rent a room in a flat in the NL, and i keep getting mail for the landlord and his family who live abroad, they are all chinese and live in the UK. They are all registered here. In total 5 people are registered in a small appartment (3 of which are the landlord and friends/family) and 2 ppl (me and my flatmate) actually live here. I send back the letters when i receive them, but my flatmate gets the letters and he opens them. I am honestly unhappy with the situation. Can I tell postNL to stop sending me their mail?

Hi,

I reported several defects of the property i rent today to my landlord, he replied that:

- he doesnt have to provide me for a lock for my bedroom door (even if i only rent a bedroom)

- he doesnt have to install a fire alarm in the shared flat

- the fact i reported that the fridge is broken is a proof i broke it, and i must buy a new one

Honestly its a bit on me for not noticing the broken fridge when i moved in... the fridge is not new tho. What can i do? The landlord is in bad faith and he threatened to evict me many times because I have noticed that a lot of the terms in my contract are illegal.

I will file a huurcommissie claim for the major defects in 6 weeks, but i am scared that he doesnt give me back my deposit

Hi, I am a phd student, and i am wondering if i should find a new place to rent. I am currently paying 900 euros for a 9sqm room and i am honestly sick of it. I struggled a lot to land this shitty deal0

However, my gross income isnt high (3500) and i do not have someone else to rent with. My colleagues with the same salary have been told they can borrow up to 250k.

I do have a comfortable amount of savings (20 to 30k i could allocate for a down payment). I am wondering if buying a small studio or appartment would be easier and a better investment than trying to rent, id probably end up in another shitty room for around 1000 per month.

Hello,

I am currently on a room rental contract, and I have one flatmate. There are 2 bedrooms in the flat, and we each have a room. Today, I have called the gemeente to denounce landlord intimidation, however the employee has informed me 4 people (including my landlord) are registered at this place. I have never heard of the 4rth person. In my 8 months of renting, my landlord has only visited us ONCE. He came for 15 minutes one day to check if everything was still ok/not broken. He actually lives abroad.

He doesnt have stuff there, no shoes, nothing..

will i run into legal trouble if i denounce this fraud? i have been staying there for 8 months, and I have registered dutifully at the geemente. Also does anyone know who to call to make the situation regular?

Hello,

I am currently on an indefinite rental contract, and I have one flatmate. There are 2 bedrooms in the flat, and we each have a room. Today, I have called the gemeente to denounce landlord intimidation, however the employee has informed me 4 people (including my landlord) are registered at this place. I have never heard of the 4rth person. In my 8 months of renting, my landlord has only visited us ONCE. He came for 15 minutes one day to check if everything was still ok/not broken. He actually leaves abroad.

He doesnt have stuff there, no shoes, nothing..

will i run into trouble regarding my rental contract if i denounce this fraud? i have been staying there for 8 months, on indefinite contract, and I have registered dutifully at the geemente. Also does anyone know who to call to make the situation regular?

update: the gemeente has been informed. thanks everyone for the kind comments and advice ☺️