r/asexuality

So I've come to the realisation that I might not actually be straight. My body responds to sexual stimuli, sure. But I never wanted to get it on with someone else. The idea doesn't go through my mind and if someone else puts the idea in my head I just don't like it. I like girls. Telling me "oh you gotta have sex with your girlfriend man" is like telling me to go fuck a man. I don't wanna do that! I thought I was just scared but I just thought about this. So, can I sit at your table?

I understand perhaps some sex repulsed asexuals are curious but I see this question everyday. It feels really invalidating. If you just search in the sub you will find hundreds of posts on this.

Simply, asexuality is about sexual attraction, not physical sensation or whether someone can enjoy sex.

For me, I don’t really experience sexual attraction to people, but I can still enjoy sex because I like the closeness, intimacy, and sensation. Libido is biological and separate from attraction, so being ace doesn’t automatically mean having no sex drive.

It’s similar to how someone can enjoy eating even if they aren’t specifically craving a certain food. The enjoyment of the activity and attraction toward someone aren’t the same thing.

The same applies to kinks. Kinks are usually about sensations and dynamics or even the act itself, not necessarily sexual attraction to a person.

That’s why some asexual people are sex repulsed, some are sex indifferent, and some sex favourable. Asexuality is a spectrum, but the common factor is the lack of typical sexual attraction.

I really wish some sex repulsed people would understand it’s okay to be curious but these questions on the daily feels exhausting and invalidating.

I know this might sound like a stupid question but I'd rather get answers on reddit than any ai summary.

I'm 7 years into a romantic relationship, and open to my family and my mom is as supportive as she can be as a late boomer. She tends to question it however, and has asked me this question multiple times:

"You do know that if you want to marry [bf] you HAVE to have sex with him, right?"

I think it's crazy for her to think but she's the only one in my life who's ever had an opinion like this so now I gotta ask the Internet; is sex required for marriage?

Also, yes my bf is very aware of my asexuality and respects it despite his drive. I didn't bring up my mom's opinion to him though.

Some of my friends and I are working on a master list of shows and movies with queer/LGBT+ representation and maybe eventually publish it to the public. I wanted to add some shows that have good Ace and Aro representation to that list. Feel free to leave some suggestions in the comments

This is probably obvious, but I feel as though no matter what, romantic relationships will always be prioritized over platonic ones. Maybe I was too hopeful in thinking that it wouldn’t (within my own relationships), but they do.

I feel it every time my friends get their partners gifts, homemade or bought, yet on my birthday I get two shirts that don’t fit me a couple months after my birthday. The last gift was apparently cancelled and they never bothered to say anything. I feel it every time we hang out, their partner is also there and I feel like I should just leave. I feel it every time I’m expected to put headphones on immediately when I wake up or for hours at night because they’re in the next room. I feel it when they sit next to each other at gatherings but I’m suggested to sit next to others I’m not as familiar with. And more.

I hate feeling this way because I do like their partner. Of course they apologize everytime I can hear them. We get along really well, but sometimes I miss what my relationship with my best friend was before they got into a romantic one. We’ve been best friends for nearly two decades. They say they’re self aware about how they spend time with their friends now after getting into a relationship, but I think it’s just the nature of being in one to forget about it. I don’t ever express towards them in person, so I’m coming on here because I think I’m going to drown lol. I’m not getting into too many details about it, so this may seem not like a huge deal but who knows.

I am extremely proud to be aroace, but being aroace is also kind of isolating sometimes

I've been meaning to read something romantic after reading Babel. Any good recommendations? As long as they have some asexual representation with at least one character? No polyamory thx. Can be closed door, open door or devoid of sex

Hi there

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, but sex has been somewhat of an issue throughout our relationship. And now it’s starting to snowball I fear. 

For some context, I have an incredibly low sex drive, while his is well… normal. 

All my life I’ve kinda just been waiting for the part where sex actually lives up to all the hype and it finally clicks with me and I want to have it on a normal basis, but that hasn’t really happened. To add some background, I also have pelvic floor dysfunction, so anything penetrative is extremely painful for me. 

I’m not sure if it’s the correlation of pain whenever I think of sex is the reason I’m so sex-averse, or if it’s asexuality, but this has been an issue with ALL of my partners. Maybe at the first moments in my relationships I’ve been more open to being intimate and having (non-penatrative?) sex, but after awhile any semblance of a sex drive is just completely obliterated. I just don’t see the point in it. It’s messy and a hassle and honestly it just isn’t worth all the trouble for a few moments of pleasure. 

I tell my boyfriend I could go my entire life without having sex, and I would be perfectly fine. But he of course doesn’t have that perspective. 

It’s frustrating. I WANT to have the desire to have sex. But it’s not there. I WANT to be able to experience this thing that everyone around me seems to swear by, but I just can’t. My partner is extremely respectful of my boundaries, which I’m grateful for. But I can see how our lack of a sex-life is waining on him, and I’m starting to feel guilty about it. It’s just such a frustrating situation and I don’t know what to do. 

Does anyone know any good songs on Spotify that aren’t overly sexualized? Preferably not talk about sex at all?

I'm a Lesbian in the Asexual spectrum, this isn't meant to be invasive but I don't exactly feel completely understood in the Lesbian community so I'm just looking around here. I seek out casual, sexual encounters occasionally. To me, it's like having something sweet once in a while, but I don't need it --- and I can have a meal instead, but I'll eat what I want cause I can.

Some lesbians do misunderstand and see this as me having no interest deep down or being insecure. I don't balme them, I get their view but I have no reason to conform to social norms, especially as a Butch Lesbian, I'm practically built to get judged so I might as well be myself. I use to view this side of me as robotic, I'll have sex if the other person's cool with it or if they want it, but I won't enjoy getting touched, stripped, or dominated by someone I'm not into romantically.

I might feel embarrassed, flattered, have fun with it, but in my head I'll look forward to taking care of them way more before we part ways. Unfortunately I think I'm like a dead fish with my expressions but it's not that I'm not enjoying anything that's just how I've always been, flat-faced, monotone, and lost looking but not devoid of every emotion. I imagine this might seem sad to some, but people go up to me anyway and I don't need reassurance, I'm not a upset about it. Causal sex is like having a deep conversation with a stranger to me. Boobs are pretty nice, but I also just have my own so, you know. I feel like I see sex from some weird structured view I can't properly describe. Not sure if anyone feels this way as well.

I’m not sure if this counts as ace, but it’s at least ace adjacent…

I have zero desire to have sex with my husband but I do it to make him happy and it makes me miserable. Here’s the weird part: I’ve had sexual attraction in the past but once I form an attachment to someone I lose all sexual attraction to them. I enjoyed sex with my husband the first couple times and haven’t since. I can count on one hand the number of enjoyable sexual encounters I’ve had in my life and I’m 34. I *want* to want to have sex. I have major FOMO bc i don’t. I also want to please my husband who is always horny but like I said, forcing myself to have sex makes me unhappy. I want to make him happy but I know sex is a need for him . I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for 10 years and have a baby. I know he won’t want to leave me if I tell him but he will be unhappy.

Can anyone relate? Any advice or words of encouragement?

There’s talk about sex in this post click off if you don’t want to read it

I’m so confused. I just ended a 4 year long relationship with a cis man today , we’re both 19 I’m a afab woman(questioning this and sexuality too so yk)
I didn’t mind having sex here and there. sometimes I just wanted to please him orally and not have it in me since it was uncomfortable, sometimes but very rarely I did want it but halfway through I got bored and hated it. I would much rather watch YouTube while he took care of himself with little to no effort to me. In the beginning of our relationship we were younger 16ish and yea we both enjoyed it. Like rabbits you might say, but since the end of our relationship I wasn’t interested. With anyone really, I participate in self pleasure and prefer it over sex a lot but that make me feel confused. Very rarely would I feel like I can have sex with someone. Is it maybe just that I could be having mixed feelings with the person I’m with or that I might be ace. I wish there was some genetic testing to do like bloodwork so I didn’t have to figure this out myself 🫩

So this is something that's been bugging me for a few days, I think I might be some sort of asexual but I'm not entirely sure because I haven't seen anyone with the same thoughts I have. Like when it it comes to a partner I feel like I wouldn't be adverse to the idea of having sex with them but it's more of a "I want to make them happy" then me actually wanting it it just seems so unimportant to me but I don't hate the idea yknow. I really don't know what that makes me because again I don't hate the idea of having sex with someone. Does anyone else feel the same way??

I am a masc woman, I do like both feminine women and masculine women romantically, but I less likely to be attracted to look at them, and I like seeing handsome men more, both for inspiration for me to copy or to just see it as aesthetically pleasing.

I prefer BL much more than GL. It's so rare for me to read lesbian romance or porn, while I always read BL romance or video edits everyday. For me romance and sex between two guys are so much cute and romantic.

However, I sometimes fantasizing myself having sex with some woman that have certain personality and look. I can be both top or bottom. I also have imaginary girlfriends.

I only like men if I am the top or the dominan, both in sex and life, and I am the bigger and taller one (which almost impossible if he doesn't have some type of dwarfism, and I can't increase my height anymore). I always fantazising myself being the top/seme man when it comes to gay relationship.

But I also realize real life sex by yourself and your partner can be disgusting as f*ck.

Gay penetration and me doing penetration may feels great if it's really like in manhwa and I want to be the one who penetrate, but I know in real life it's really disgusting if the bottom don't douche meticulously.

Lesbian sex is more tolerable, but imagining doing real life scissoring is still disgusting.

What orientation actually am I?

Hey.. So I saw a post here from seven years ago with this same title so I assume it's okay to ask here?

I'm just very not interested in the sexual aspect of masochism/sadism etc.. I myself am a masochist (F24) and find it very hard to find people who don't take it sexually. I've done a few of these posts here and there, wanting to find likeminded people but the message requests I've gotten have been very sexual.

Like even if there's a potential someone, as soon as they take it to the "daddy" or "master" etc level I'm just out. Or any sort of petnames.. At most I could do "sir" probably. Like idk I just immediately feel weirded out and uncomfortable when they make it sexual which is why I can't really seem to find anyone who can relate to this. Other than the post from 7 years ago...

Like for me it's more about the psychological aspect. Being intimidated by someone, manhandled, yelled at etc.. Especially by an authority figure or just someone who can make me feel small and "helpless" in a way... I know it's weird but maybe someone can relate?

speaking as a girl, it’s frustrating how often people make assumptions based on how you dress and then use that to question your identity or honesty. even when someone clearly says they are ace and not interested in anything sexual or “kinky”, their clothing style is used as a reason to doubt them. clothes are just personal style and comfort, not a signal of identity or boundaries. why is it so hard for people to believe what someone says instead of judging them based on appearance?