r/asexuality

I've seen some of posts recently about it being "crazy" most people need/value sex. My main issue honestly is the fact this is something we need to discuss in this sub at all. This is a sub about asexuality. We don't need to discuss what other people do outside of the community if it's not hurting anyone. It's normal to need sex in a relationship, just that it is normal to not need it, to be repulsed by it, triggered by it, feel neutral about it, etc.. At a certain point it sounds a lot like moral superiority, like some religious "not giving into a sin" bs. For a lot of people it's more than just getting off, it's intimacy with another human being and it's not objectively "gross". We can talk about feeling disgusted or uncomfortable, but we shouldn't shame those who don't feel that way.

Don't judge people who aren't judging you.

Sincerely,
An asexual

Like why do people say that asexual people write smut and romance well?

TW YEARNING TENSION KISSES BUT NO SEX (I don’t want to write sex lol) banter, biting, original characters

Dahlia shoved Aurelio against the wall, hard enough that his head bounced on the bricks. He winced, but didn’t look truly harmed. She gritted her teeth at him. “You lied to me. You deceived me. You tricked me.”

“Aren’t those all the same thing? If you want more synonyms, I’ll gladly give them to you.” He grinned at her, and her blood boiled.

“Shut your damn mouth before I break your teeth.” Dahlia growled, keeping her palm to his chest and forcing him to stay there. She knew they matched each other in abilities. Some might even say she was stronger. That was a discussion for another time, though. “I’m so tired of your games.” She glared at him, the pulse in her wrist pounding.

“Don’t pretend that you don’t like my games, darling.” His eyes began to glow a golden hue, and she couldn’t look away from them. They called to her very being, their depths drowning and all encompassing. She blinked away the momentary distraction, going right back to anger.

She drew her other hand up to his hair, wrapping her fingers in his soft blue strands. For just a second, his gaze softened on her, before quickly changing to his lazy, carefree expression.

She tightened her grip on his hair, forcing his head down to look at her. He bit down on his lip piercing, teeth grasping it in a tantalizing gesture. He knew what he was doing, and she couldn’t look away from him. She looked at his lips, and had the sudden urge to grasp his piercing in her mouth and pull hard enough to draw blood. His tongue flicked out to swirl around the metal stud, and she shifted on her feet, suddenly feeling off balance.

Her grip on his hair tightened, and he let out a quick breath at the painful feeling. She also saw how that affected him. His pupils dilated whenever she did that. She grinned, blinking up at him in victory.
He scoffed, and that only made her hold his hair harder. He quietly groaned at that, closing his eyes and trying to rest his head against the wall.

“Am I bothering you, Elio?” Dahlia asked him, all the while a taunting smile played on her lips.

“You have no idea how much.” His eyelids flitted open to reveal eyes that were almost completely covered by his black pupils. He played with that damned piercing again.

“I never took you for a guy that liked pain.” She tilted her head, studying his intriguing reaction. That was a lie. She had imagined doing this or very similar, if not far worse, things to him.

“Now we know you’re not telling the truth. You forget: I invented warping the truth.” He smirked at her, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer.

She glared. “You forget: I’m the one in control right now.”

Aurelio smiled even wider. “I couldn’t forget such an important detail.” His fingers dug into her hips for a second, and then he let go, his hands dropping to his sides.

His annoying smirk made her want to claw it off.
Angrily, she realized her nails were torn off so short that they couldn’t do the job. As if he knew what she was thinking, he glanced down at her nails, a knowing stare on his face.

Dahlia grabbed his face with the hand that had been holding his hair. “Are you going to apologize?”

“You know my answer.” His eyes were heavy as he looked at her, landing on her lips.

A fire lit in her, and she forced herself to focus. “You completely tricked me. And you won’t apologize?”

“Not in the way you need, but in the way you want.” Tension filled the air as they looked at one another. His skin felt warm from her touch.

“And what, pray tell, is the way I want?” Anticipation for his response dragged across her skin, as she challenged him.

“Can I?” Aurelio asked in a somewhat even tone, his black eyes with a hint of gold now were verging on desperate.

“Can you what?” Dahlia knew she was driving him crazy, and yet…

He huffed, leaning back against the wall, running a hand through his hair. “Can I apologize?” His voice was laced with need, and her hand dropped from his face. He looked torn at the loss of contact, and she smirked.

“Only if you listen.” She stepped back from him, crossing her arms.

He nodded. She shrugged. “Fine.”
Elio took a step closer to her, his hot breath on her neck. She smelled his cologne. Its scent reminded her of dark chocolate and a hint of rain soaked meadows.

She took in a breath as his lips kissed her throat. She grabbed onto his hair as rough, if not rougher, than she had before. He trailed kisses down her throat and to her collarbone. She pulled on his hair, and he groaned again.

“If that’s your apology, then I don’t accept it.” She said in a hushed breath, trying to control herself.

“I can hear your heart beating like a jackhammer, darling. Don’t lie to me.” He got on his knees, and she stared at the sight of him before her, completely at her mercy. She put both hands in his hair as his lips worked along her stomach, and then her hip bones. She let out a quick gasp at that, gripping his hair with even more ferocity. Alice felt his lips turning upwards at her reaction, and she gritted her teeth at the feeling.

She felt his lip piercing’s cold metal drag along her skin, her breathing hitching at that, her head tilting up to the sky and her eyes closing. She felt him trail his fingers along the waistband of her pants, and

Alice grabbed his hands. He looked up at her, expression heady with desire. She smiled at his reaction. “You want more, do you?”

Elio swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. “If you’ll give it to me, that is.” He looked so desperate, on his knees, staring up at her like she was single-handedly the most important thing in his world at that moment. She enjoyed that feeling.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Dahlia leaned down to him, her lips ghosting his. She saw him working hard to restrain himself, and laughed. “Poor you. You don’t like being tricked, do you? Well neither do I.” She crouched down before him and kissed him on his neck. Keeping her mouth there, she felt his pulse pick up speed.

“Dahlia…” His voice came out ragged and rushed. “Please. Stop this torture.”

She tsked, pulling back to look at him. Aurelio’s blue hair was messy around his face. His eyes were wild. His hands were clenched into fists and his teeth were gritted.

“Are you sorry now?” Dahlia whispered, her voice lilting at the end of the question.

“I-“ Her fingers brushed over his lips. “No.” He choked out, looking annoyed.

“You’re not?” She sucked on his neck, her teeth digging into his skin just enough to hurt but not enough to bleed.
He panted, grabbing onto her hair with a ferocity that didn’t surprise her. She marked his skin with her teeth, moving on to another area on his neck.

It happened about two years ago for me. I was always uncomfortable with the idea of sex, if not outright disgusted. When I went through puberty, I started getting curious, and unfortunately found my way onto WATTPAD at 14 (bad idea looking back on it lol). I questioned whether I wanted it or not. Getting older, my hormones calmed down and I don’t really have a sex drive. Sure, I think about it sometimes, have those feelings. Never for another person. Anyways, I realized two years ago that the term asexual was extremely fitting for me. I don’t want sex. I don’t want to date really. I don’t like the concept for myself. I’m fine reading or watching tv with smut, and I don’t care what others do. It’s just not for me!

Whoa

To explain, what is one thing that makes you horrified about sex? I’ll go first: HOW DO PEOPLE DO THE DEED IN MOVIES AND THEN NOT SCRUB THEMSELVES IN THE SHOWER? YOUR HANDS WERE PLACES I DONT WANT TO KNOWWWW

Something I’ve noticed in lots of mainstream media is that sex / sexual things are almost never portrayed as soft, slow, gentle, emotional, loving, caring, etc. I’ve almost always seen it portrayed so harshly. Quick, intense, aggressive, and rough. I have to wonder why that is? I’m sex indifferent myself so, sexual scenes in shows don’t bother me but, I do feel a bit confused when media always portrays sex in this one specific way. To my understanding, sexual experiences for allosexual people (or others who experience any sexual attraction to others) is somewhat about an individual’s own pleasure but, I assumed there should (at bare minimum) still be some regard and concern for the involved partner/(s)? I am autistic so, maybe I’m overthinking this, or misunderstanding? If it was solely something for one’s own pleasure, why involve someone else, if you aren’t going to treat them with love and care? (unless they’re into being treated more roughly, I’m not here to kink shame, of course).

I just personally can’t imagine the appeal of being treated so harshly. It’d make me feel unsafe and unwanted, unloved, and definitely uncomfortable. I’m a partnering aroace so, I’m open to sex in the future, if I had a partner that made me feel safe, and they wanted to do it. Otherwise, I really don’t care, one way or another. Maybe it’s just down to preferences but, I can’t imagine that the majority of people genuinely have a preference for rough / harsh sexual experiences. Thinking statistically, there’s just no way, right? So then, why is this the most common and popular portrayal of sex in media? (Heated rivalry, Bridgerton, young royals, and other books, films, movies, etc.)

Again, I’m not judging anyone (allosexual, or asexual). I’m more so thinking about the portrayal of sex in media.

I've been struck by the muses explaining what I am to a coworker:

"I don't get it" "so you're straight, right?" "Yeah?" "The way you feel, when looking at another man, even an attractive one, that is how I feel about everyone. Like, I register that someone looks good,but it doesn't make me want to do anything with them."

Mileage depends on them not being in the closet without realizing it, lol.

I'm not saying an apothi can't be puritan, but we should be careful around calling aces in general that in the same way we need to be careful calling trans people crossdressers or transvestites.
I see it way too acceptable to call me a puritan for saying I hate sex. I mean for myself, that is.
I don't like watching, reading it, thinking about it, having it myself but I am so so fine if someone else wants to have it. That is their business, and I feel like I never say anything anti sex to people who like it.

But I recently saw someone saying sex repulsion from asexuals is unhealthy and others saying it's puritan.
I am not for anti sexuality, but I just don't like this acephobic line being sprayed around like it's nothing more than verbal water.
I just feel kind of hurt by my own side. I am pro sexual liberation, which includes all feelings for your sex life.
I've been told this by the right my whole life as an asexual, but instead in the words of "You just need to grow up and learn how to like it" and now I'm seeing it in the left, too, but with wokewashed language.

I mean no harm to sex likers out there, I just think we need to be more wary how we speak.

Keep in mind she is a bigot

She keeps telling me stuff like

"you'll meet the right girl eventually"

"I was nervous the first time I had sex too"

"I was a virgin at your age"

(did you seriously need to tell me these? I feel disgusted even knowing now, i'm 19M btw)

"asexual is just afraid of pussy" (bigotry)

My best friend/sister-from-another-mister (f, 26) and I (f, 30) are looking for an apartment to share as roommates and my family is having a homophobic freakout about it. Im laughing, so I don't wander into the woods to become one with the soil.

Religious grandma was always suspicious of me, apparently. She couldn't comprehend that I never had any trouble staying """"pure"""". Apparently, not being interested in a relationship is more suspicious, than badly hiding some teenage escapades.

Dad has been trying to set me up with a guy whose name I don't even know, but apparently was at the last two holiday barbecues? Wild NPC energy.

Miss "you just haven't found the right person yet" stepmom is being very quiet in the group chat. Funny that.

My sister is very carefully asking me about her. She might be thinking about getting her a "welcome to the family" gift. Knowing her, it will be a Lowe's gift card, a set of carabineers or something equally stereotyped but well meaning.

I don't talk to my mother anymore, so sadly I won't get to see her have an aneurysm about this. Oh well.

…I noticed you wearing a plain black ring on your middle finger. I know it could be just a coincidence, but in a small town with rarely any Ace representation/spaces, I see you and hope you are also one of us.

Signed,

A fellow aspec🖤🩶🤍💜

In my early 30s and the loneliness is hitting me like a brick wall now that everyone starts to focus on their families. I need proof that there's still hope for me.