u/Liquidshoelace

Something I’ve noticed in lots of mainstream media is that sex / sexual things are almost never portrayed as soft, slow, gentle, emotional, loving, caring, etc. I’ve almost always seen it portrayed so harshly. Quick, intense, aggressive, and rough. I have to wonder why that is? I’m sex indifferent myself so, sexual scenes in shows don’t bother me but, I do feel a bit confused when media always portrays sex in this one specific way. To my understanding, sexual experiences for allosexual people (or others who experience any sexual attraction to others) is somewhat about an individual’s own pleasure but, I assumed there should (at bare minimum) still be some regard and concern for the involved partner/(s)? I am autistic so, maybe I’m overthinking this, or misunderstanding? If it was solely something for one’s own pleasure, why involve someone else, if you aren’t going to treat them with love and care? (unless they’re into being treated more roughly, I’m not here to kink shame, of course).

I just personally can’t imagine the appeal of being treated so harshly. It’d make me feel unsafe and unwanted, unloved, and definitely uncomfortable. I’m a partnering aroace so, I’m open to sex in the future, if I had a partner that made me feel safe, and they wanted to do it. Otherwise, I really don’t care, one way or another. Maybe it’s just down to preferences but, I can’t imagine that the majority of people genuinely have a preference for rough / harsh sexual experiences. Thinking statistically, there’s just no way, right? So then, why is this the most common and popular portrayal of sex in media? (Heated rivalry, Bridgerton, young royals, and other books, films, movies, etc.)

Again, I’m not judging anyone (allosexual, or asexual). I’m more so thinking about the portrayal of sex in media.

Hello! I am a white person and, I’ve been writing a wholesome / slice of life short story for a few years now, about a college student (main character) named Mia. She is around 22 years old, and she is black. Anyway, I’ve been watching a lot of videos by black content creators giving their opinions on well written black characters in media vs poorly written black characters in media. Something multiple creators mention is the “unlovable black friend” trope / “unlovable black girl” trope. I’m worried my character might unintentionally fall into this trope.

I am aromantic and asexual / aroace myself and, I rarely (if ever) see aroace main characters in media. Because of this, I thought it’d be cool to have the main character in my story be aroace, too. However, I don’t want to come across as playing into racial tropes or racist stereotypes so, any opinions on this would be greatly appreciated. The character has many friends and supportive people in her life, I just didn’t plan on her having a romantic partner in the story, since she’s aroace, and the story is centered around other things (finding herself, finding community in friends, and getting used to her new life, after moving away from home). However, a side character (Hispanic/ non-black poc) is married, and another side character does have a romantic love interest throughout the story. Those are just small aspects of the story though, and won’t be explored in-depth, since the focus is on the main character, Mia.

TLDR; I’m writing a black woman character who is also aroace (aromantic and asexual) but, I’m worried that might fall into the “unlovable black girl” trope, seen in certain media.

Like many neurodivergent people, I struggle immensely to make eye contact. If I force myself to do it, I can't focus on what the speaker is saying. Since I need somewhere else to look, I automatically default to looking down at the speaker's shirt (they often have patterns or colors that catch my eye). This is fine sometimes but, when I'm talking to a woman or girl or someone with body image issues, I look and then I don't consider how it may come across until it's already too late. 😭

I promise I'm not a pervert (I'm literally aroace, there is no lustful intent behind where my eyes naturally go to), it's just my default instinct. Anyway, no one has called me out for it before, but I'm trying really hard to work on it because I never want to make others uncomfortable. Had anyone else experienced something similar?

So, I came across a video about a mother who took her baby with her to world springs (a place which doesn’t allow children afaik, it is 16+). It got me thinking about parents with babies, going to places that don’t allow children. Why do people assume that babies aren’t included in the category of ‘children’? Why do CF people have to make our own spaces, whereas babies are for some reason, universally accepted at all places, even those which are age-restricted? It kinda bothers me that people seem to view babies as the exception because, imo, babies are usually louder, messier, etc. than most older children. I don’t quite understand why parents take their babies to all these places when, they won’t remember or likely even enjoy it, and will just be noisy and bother others present. Surely parents could leave the baby in someone else’s care (paying them, of course) or, if not, just stay home, no?

It got me thinking and I’m very curious to hear other’s thoughts on this.

If I say, "Oh, it looks like it might rain today," I get told I'm being a downer. My mom showed me a picture of my baby cousin, and I said, "He's cute. He has a big head." She lectured me and told me that's rude to say. I'm an adult, and I was embarrassed to be lectured in front of others like a kid.

This happens somewhat often. It feels like I can't even speak without offending the neurotypical people around me.

Edit: I’d also like to mention that my mom quite literally takes pictures of people in public when they have a visible wedgie or, when their butt is “weirdly shaped” in her opinion. So…I don’t know how that isn’t considered rude? 🤨

[Tagged for aphobia, advice is appreciated but not required]

When I came out as aroace 4-5 years ago, my mom kept pitying me and downplaying my identity. Saying things like "Well that could change in the future" (like she wanted me to not be aroace) and "you're still young" (I'm an adult) or "You'll be so lonely". When I built up the courage to tell her that I may want a QPR one day, she dismissed it and equated it to a romantic partner (I've never even felt romantic attraction before). Anyway, she was, overall, just not very accepting. She thought it was a phase. She hoped it was a phase. She told me I couldn't get into the highest kingdom of heaven unless I married (I was raised mormon).

Then yesterday, out of nowhere, she casually went "oh I think I might be demiromantic." She married my dad two months after meeting him. Now, I'm just feeling kind of confused and hurt and upset. She has a tendency to try and make common experiences seem unique and different and she likes to stand out. Maybe it's just that, I don't know for sure.

[Tagged for aphobia, advice is appreciated but not required].

When I came out as aroace 4-5 years ago, my mom kept pitying me and downplaying my identity. Saying things like "Well that could change in the future" (like she wanted me to not be aroace) and "you're still young" (I'm an adult) or "You'll be so lonely". When I built up the courage to tell her that I may want a QPR one day, she dismissed it and equated it to a romantic partner (I've never even felt romantic attraction before). Anyway, she was, overall, just not very accepting. She thought it was a phase. She hoped it was a phase. She told me I couldn't get into the highest kingdom of heaven unless I married (I was raised mormon).

Then yesterday, out of nowhere, she casually went "oh I think I might be demiromantic." She married my dad two months after meeting him. Now, I'm just feeling kind of confused and hurt and upset. She has a tendency to try and make common experiences seem unique and different and she likes to stand out. Maybe it's just that, I don't know for sure.

1.) How long have you medicated for?

2.) How many different medications have you been on? 3 3.) Have any worked for you?

I am diagnosed with ADHD and on a waitlist for an autism diagnosis. I've medicated my adhd for about 4 years, and I've gone through 7 different medications. I've realized that's not really very common for people who have ADHD without autism. Anyway, I understand that having both ADHD and autism can make you treatment resistant and more sensitive to the side effects, so I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced this? I feel like my medications work for a while, but I have to change to a different dose or medication after 3-5 months because I feel like it doesn't work anymore or the side effects worsen and I can't handle it.

Despite being an adult now, my mom gets irritated when I change medications and she says that I'm not being realistic. meanwhile, she only medicated her ADHD once and it was too much for her to handle so now she doesn't medicate at all.

I was telling my friends (also fanfic readers) about a fanfic that I liked because it had a rare pair ship and I thought the story was cute. I had not read it in like a year but, I remember liking it.

They asked me to send them the link so, when I got back home, I looked for it, and discovered that it was actually a smut fic and literally 85% smut and 15% story. I can't let them know I read this. 😭

I don't think that I'm angled, oriented, etc. aroace, (as I don't experience significant tertiary forms of attraction towards a specific gender). However, I do want a queerplatonic relationship, and I seem to have gender preferences in relation to that. The gender preference seems to just be whatever my gender is, though? I'm transgender ftm, and before I realized I always thought, "I'm a woman, so I'd like to be in a relationship with another woman." Now that I've transitioned, it's shifted, and I feel that I'd prefer a relationship with another trans man.

All that to say, I'm just wondering if there's a microlabel or a term for this?

I so badly want consistency and routine because when I’m able to have it (even just a little bit), things feel more grounded and I feel less anxious when I know what to expect. However, due to adhd, I’m unable to maintain that routine and consistency.

I usually just end up forgetting or tiring out. I really like the idea of doing specific tasks on specific days or at specific times to (hopefully) help me feel less overwhelmed but, it never works. I like the idea of having/using specific systems in my daily life for tasks and chores but, again, it never works out because I forget or just stop doing it.

I’m trying really hard to figure this out but, I’m lost. Any advice?