r/AutisticWithADHD

For me I have the "arrive early everywhere" time blindness. I get so anxious about being late

In my head I constantly think "I don't want to be inconvenience, I don't want to be rude, what if there is traffic, how long will it take me to get ready?" So on..

I have to set so many alarms, my brain is always calculating when to leave and all the time I always leave early and arrive early sit in my car and wait. It also gives me anxiety when others around me cause me to be late when I am in a rush.

So that's the time blindness I have how about rest of you?

Hello I’m a 24 year old guy with Audhd, and OCD. This is my first time posting; I’m seeking help from others who may have some tips for me. I’ve been smoking for about 4 years and looking back, I haven’t noticed any good or noticeable benefits on productivity. There were times where I’d smoke with my friends and we’d have good laughs but times where I felt really unmotivated and lazy. It’s to the point now where I don’t get high anymore and it just feels like I’m on repeat every day. Nothing accomplished, room is dirty, I eat junk/fast food often, not working on/setting goals, clothes need washed; I don’t have a sense of urgency or drive to be better most days.

I can be on top of everything for a week or so, a week or 2 goes by and I’m back to being lazy. I’ve had discipline/consistency issues in the past all the way through leading up to this point in my life and smoking didn’t help with that at all. I make excuses to not do things and weed just fortifies those thoughts. It’s almost like I need to completely re-do the way I was living mentally and physically. I’ve never personally worked toward anything unless I was forced to do it (like high school work/projects).

Show me some of your work!

What are you currently working on? What's your favourite thing you made? Even if you're just starting out, I'm interested!

(To everyone commenting, please refrain from unsolicited feedback/criticism. Positivity only!)

TLDR: meds most active 1 - 3 hours after taking, people want me to do things at that time, feel like it ruins the best part of my day and the entire span of the medication.

I’m on 50mg Vyvanse and from one hour after taking it and to about three hours after taking it I feel like it’s ‘working’ the most. And so those hours are by far the most important hours of my day, not just for doing things (although thats when I get alot done), but also for just generally enjoying life.

It’s so nice to feel occupied, focused and energized, and so even if I’m just baking or watching something or playing a game, those hours are what I centre my entire day around and I look forward to them quite alot.

But those hours are also the times when people want me to do things for or with them the most, whether it’s tagging along for a walk or getting groceries or assisting with X or Y task, and these things aren’t time dependant, it would be totally fine if these things were left for a few hours, but no, they have to always be placed right when I am the most happiest in my day, and it ruins the entire effect of the medication, since I’m more irritable on it, it always puts me in a terrible mood and by the time I’m done with the task it’s like atleast four hours after taking my Vyvanse so now I feel essentially nothing.

Is this bad? I feel shitty when I get annoyed by it but like, why do you need me right now? why can’t you just wait? why does everything HAVE to occur at the most optimal time to completely fuck me over >:(

(PS yes I know vyvanse should last longer, I have tried different meds and dosages, this is the best I've gotten, I think alot of people don't mimic the ideal timeline, me included I guess...)

47 and wondering if I've built a career that's completely wrong for my AuDHD brain

I'm 47, AuDHD, and increasingly wondering whether I need a different job or a completely different career.

I'm a Senior User Researcher in tech/consultancy. I've got a Master's degree and have had a successful career, but since Covid my work has become almost entirely remote and I feel like I'm getting progressively worse at coping with it.

I'm alone at a laptop doing work that's often ambiguous and self-directed — research, analysis, planning, figuring out what to do next. Starting tasks can feel ridiculously difficult, I struggle to focus without external structure, and I really miss actually being around people.

I've realised I'm craving work with tangible outcomes: there's a thing that needs doing → I do it → it's done.

I've genuinely found myself considering everything from forestry, distillery work and delivery driving to social work or even cleaning. Not because I think those jobs are easy, but because something physical, practical or people-facing sounds enormously appealing. I'm also considering something like content design as a less drastic change.

The problem is that I'm 47 with financial commitments, so starting again at the bottom on an entry-level wage isn't particularly realistic.

I'm also currently dealing with pretty extreme fatigue — sleeping a full night and sometimes several hours during the day as well — which is being looked into medically. So I'm struggling to separate AuDHD burnout, physical health, working remotely and simply being in the wrong career.

The odd thing is that while the thought of carrying on like this makes me miserable, the thought of changing my life actually makes me feel quite excited.

Has anyone here reached a similar point, particularly in their 40s or later? What did you do? And have you found work that gives you structure, tangible outcomes and enough stimulation without eventually burning you out?

Trying to fit in with the "regular" world can be so needlessly annoying.

I just got a new job, and everyone I talk to says something along the lines of, "they're a big company, so you can probably move up."

A little background, first:

I have been a stay-at-home-dad for the last 13 years, and worked a part-time closing shift in a supermarket deli for the last 11. Now that both of my kids are in middle school and can get themselves there and back on their own, I decided to get a full-time day job.

After about a year of searching, applying, interviewing and rejections, I finally found a new job, and I love it. It has the perfect hours, great pay and benefits, it's super laid-back, and I actually enjoy doing it. I'm driving a Non-Emergency Medical Transport (NEMT) van for an eldercare program. It's so refreshing to work someplace where everyone *wants* to be here.

I've only been here a few weeks, but I'm really quite content now, and yet everyone I talk to about it says something along the lines of, "they're a big company, so you can probably move up," and I'm just like, why is everyone so obsessed with advancement like this? First of all, I literally *just* started this job, and second, why can't I just be happy where I am?

Normies are so weird.

Hi everyone. M, 56 in Perth, WA. Just joined this group..... Also just found out (about 18m ago) that I am AuDHD. Like most, it's been a journey! 😁😃. Currently in a battle with depression and anxiety from ND burnout 3 years ago.

Anyway, I am on my road to recovery etc and look forward to hopefully meeting some other warriors along the way 😃.

I'm also really keen to hopefully connect with some Perth people and also find out ways I can get my life going again properly👍.

Love to all

Sorry, two random things out of nowhere.

Does anyone else make major life decisions that feel right at the time, and then a year or so goes by and you realize that you were acting on impulse, and immensely regret your decisions and start to feel shame for rushing into things, making decisions, and potentially hurting others?

Also, food lately has become nearly impossible for me. I'm basically down to things I can drink, or otherwise I can't do food at all. The concept of needing to prepare food is too much, and I just can't. Even going out to order to get something, I just can't. I can't explain why.

Hey all, I was just diagnosed with ADHD just two months ago and got my Autism diagnosis about three ish weeks ago now. It’s been rough to say the least. the day of leading up to my appointment for the ADHD diagnosis I started to get the worst anxiety but brushed it off thinking its just nerves and would go away once the appointment was over. it didn’t. I was on the verge of a panic attack almost every day and I constantly felt short of breath and air hungry. My wife or kids couldn’t even lay on me in any way or I would absolutely panic. I started eating less because my stomach was constantly upset. it took a great toll on my wife and our relationship (my executive dysfunction has been a problem for us for years and was the initial reason I decided to seek a formal diagnosis to hopefully help as I love her to death and know I need to improve). Initially I was terrified of stimulant medication. my family history isn’t the best when it comes to addiction and I have always tried to avoid things I know are addictive (I know stimulant medication when used correctly doesn’t work like that but logic usually lost to fear) after a month of non-stimulant medication that did absolutely nothing and a month of feeling paralyzed by anxiety I decided to take the leap for myself and my wife and try a stimulant. Day one was incredible, I got a ton of work done at work I was hardly distracted like I usually was it was like putting on glasses for the first time i could mostly see everything but then around 6ish in the evening it all started to creep back. the best way I can describe it is the “noise” or constant thought and distractibility was like a setting on my brain slowly second by second was getting turned back up to max settings. it was very overwhelming and I felt bad because I kept running away to the bathroom just to be alone (told everyone I had stomach issues so it didn’t seem weird at the frequency) but I felt awful because why am I running from my family who loves and supports me?

day 2 and effects are noticeably worse. no side effects but it’s definitely not working like it did previously. like a tiny bit of haze is gone but feels like it isn’t helping much. same issue around evening time but this time I force myself to stay out with the family but I focus on dishes and cleaning to try and make the bad feelings relax if I can just fixate on something which I found I wasn’t doing but in fact cleaning very slowly and was stuck in my head talking myself down the majority of the time only snapping out of it when asked a question by the kids or my wife but then falling back into my head shortly after. I was very quiet and didn’t talk much but used the excuse it was a busy day so I’m just a little fried.

day 3 until current (day 10) it’s barely there in positive effects. like taking Motrin for a broken femur. And the brain settings being turned up at the end of the day seems to be mostly gone but I believe that’s because they were never turned down. I’m sleeping like absolute garbage. some nights I get 6ish hours others maybe 2.

I feel like I’m trying really hard but getting nowhere. like I may have waited too long and my wife is at her wits end with me because I’m supposed to be getting better and making things easier and if anything I have only made them more difficult. I can see and feel her frustration with me and it only seems to be growing. She’s told me herself she’s tired of the “I’m sorry” and the “im trying” and I get it I see it too it’s like despite my efforts theres a little evil me that sabotages everything. idk what exactly im looking for at this point but i know i need to find it or eventually she will leave, not to be mean but because at the end of the day i keep failing her. maybe that’s too much information and I’m rambling and I can’t actually expect anyone to actually read all this, I just feel lost and scared and don’t know what to do anymore.

TLDR: feels like I’m spinning my wheels trying to be/get better for my wife and family but keep fucking it up

I’m autistic and have ADHD, and I recently got a prescription for medical cannabis. I’m also on ADHD meds and a mood stabilizer.
What’s surprised me is how much it seems to turn down the noise in my head. Instead of having a million things going on at once, I can actually be present—watch a movie, focus on one thing, and channel my energy into actually getting stuff done instead of avoiding it.

A good analogy is my mind is running on multiple channel simultaneously, but it kind of reduces it to a single channel. So my thoughts are slowed down, but that’s actually a good thing as it allows me to more effectively focus on one thing at a time.

I also feel like I can read people and subtle social cues better, which normally doesn’t come naturally to me.
I’ve been using it daily and, so far, I actually feel more productive and present, not less. I’m not really interested in getting recreationally high. If something is genuinely improving my quality of life, I’m comfortable treating it like medicine.
Curious if any other autistic/ADHD people have had a similar experience? Especially anyone who has used it longer term—did it continue to help?

My dad is undiagnosed ADHD, and I went no contact with him during my autism diagnosis journey because of how he reacted and treated me during that difficult time. We reconciled this year.

I'm currently in severe burnout since at least fall of 2024. I haven't had a steady job since July last year. As I try to talk to my dad about burnout and why I can't just go get a fast food or retail job, he responds as if it's a matter of trying harder.

I tried to explain that forcing myself into even deeper stress (adding a nightmare job on top of the current work I'm trying to succeed at, financial/existential stress, etc. makes me literally pray that each day will be my last. I'm not suicidal, I just constantly wish for death.

How can I explain it in a way he might understand? Is it possible?

Providing info graphics and articles are not effective.

M 31, got autism diagnosis last week, ADHD 3 years ago. After three years of trying to be stable in the job market I just don’t see the point of trying anything anymore.
I’ve got an bachelors degree in web development and worked in the field for 3 years, then the market went nuts with layoffs and I didn’t went to compete in a field I might not be interested in competing in due to demands. Then I tried working as an assistent social worker at a special needs school, which was fun for a while, but got really rough and I’m on sick leave currently.

I think I easily externalize stuff no matter what I do because of RSD. I don’t even know what I like or don’t like anymore, and I don’t know if it’s RSD or the novelty wears off because of ADHD. I simply don’t bother to try anymore, because why should I go through the loop once more if the outcome is always the same? What’s even worth suffering for?

I’m definetly in a high anxiety and even higher depression period. On Friday I’ll switch from Dexamfetamine to Atomoxetine, but I don’t high hopes. I hope that somebody here has been through the same problem I’ve been through and got some tips. How do I know if interests/career fluktuation because of ADHD novelty wears off, or it’s RSD and confident/self worth problems?

i have 19 total assignments in the span of 3 weeks rn during college orientation and im really stressed out and have meltdowns every night.

i cant start a task until i got scolded on or got mentioned in the group message that im the only one who havent turned in their work. if that happened ill finally get it done in panic & adrenaline.

and there is one group task. i was late to edit a video segment because i have an everest of task due today beside editing and idk which one to prioritize. this person is really mad at me. they text me in passive aggresive tone, rushing me saying that if i dont work on it they will. completely understand them. i feel bad. but because i feel bad, it's even harder to edit the video because my focus crashed. the video deadline is in 2 days so in my head it's not urgent enough.

so far i have turned in 2 late assignments out of 8. for the not-late ones i turn them in hours before the deadline.

also i have been late to every single meetup that it becomes my image to my college people.

this thing definitely strains my relationship with people and the whole thing makes me really depressed for some reason.

i dread every single day. i dread and get hopeless about my future in college. how will i handle college. i already feel this horrible even physically and its only orientation. im thinking of quitting

before the tasks emerged i was already burnt out so bad from the friend-searching. feels like im in a restless marathon just to get by college

I'm not saying everyone should have to respond straight away but at the very least acknowledge the message. I can see that they've opened it and I think if you have time to take out your phone and open the message you have time to write a quick "I'll get back to you" or something. Just straight up ignoring someone is rude. I get that not every message will carry the same level of urgency but the amount of time people spend on their phones these days makes it hard to believe that they can't take 5 seconds to just acknowledge someone.

You wouldn't just ignore someone like that in real life so why is it considered appropriate to do so online?

I don't care if it takes someone a few hours or even days to respond, I just need to know that they are actually planning on responding. I need to know if I'm going to get a response or if I should abandon the conversation entirely because not knowing drives me insane.

Does anyone else get angry about this or am I overreacting?

My daughter was diagnosed with adhd by a paediatrician at age 13 and she is now 19 and fallen into what looks like significant burnout and depression.

up until recently she did not want to try meds however she has just tried vyvanse 30 mg for the first time but had the most destabilising crashes so even though it switched off the relentless head noise the horrible place she went to in the late evening was not sustainable so she stopped taking it. now suspect she is actually audhd (she is also highly sensitive) because everything i have read says adhd meds with their boost to the norepinephrine in the brain do not suit an audhd. she also ticks alot of the boxes for an audhd and explains so much of the contradictory and paradoxical behaviours we could never fully understand. eg. wants heaps of people for a party and then after an hour wants them all to go home. that kind of thing.

can anyone here with audhd please ell me what meds have worked for you? she has not yet tried an ssri and with the SI I am not sure if that would be advisable with their 3 week adjustment phase. she is not in a good way and i dont know what to do next. any advice would be appreciated

Does anyone else have this question off and on in your brain? Sometimes I really think I might be borderline. I have most of the symptoms: Fear of Rejection, Low Self Esteem, Emotional Instability, Anger, Unstable Relationships, Chronic Feelings of Emptiness. But then a lot of that stuff overlaps with just being traumatized and autistic plus RSD. I mean I know people can have both but it's just hard to untangle. I do feel like I know myself and who I really am. It's mostly the emotional dysregulation and intense reaction to feeling unwanted.

I just know I've always felt a deep kinship with BPD people and characters. I innately understand them. And I take it very personally when others come after anyone who has those traits.

1. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will be misunderstood, ruminated upon, and create awkward tension.
2. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you - unless it's small-talk, eye contact, or not saying how you really feel.
3. Early to bed, early to rise, makes me restless, grumpy, and chronically sleep-deprived.
4. That's the final straw on top of a million other straws on top of a camel whose back was already broken.
5. Once bitten, two thousand times shy.
6. A problem shared is a problem squared.
7. Feel the fear and... become traumatised anyway.
8. There are plenty more fish in the sea, but I am a bird.
9. Birds of a feather flock together – unless we get overwhelmed by the crowd.
10. The world is your oyster, hard to open, and just kinda gross and slimy inside anyway.
11. Ask a straightforward question, and you'll get a silly answer.
12. A leopard cannot change its spots, but it can dress up in a suit, put on a human mask, then lose all of its colour due to burnout.
13. You cannot burn a candle at both ends, unless you bend it from an 'I' into a 'U'.
14. A bad worker blames their tools; a neurodivergent worker blames the system that gave them the wrong tools in the first place.
15. Some clouds have a silver lining – even then, it's just light scattered around water droplets along the cloud's outer edge...
16. Don't cross that bridge until you come to it. Instead, build a hundred identical bridges, simulate every structural failure, then burn the actual bridge when you finally reach it.

😄

I’m in my mid-20s, and I only recently learned that I’m AuDHD, on top of struggling with clinical depression for most of my life. Looking back, so many pieces finally click into place, but the picture they form is painfully lonely.

Growing up, I never had a large circle of friends, in fact, I could count them on one hand. Every friendship I’ve ever had was seasonal: tied to a specific school, city, or life chapter. Once I moved on to the next environment, those connections quietly faded, as if they never existed. I’ve also realized that I seem to have the capacity – emotionally and mentally – for one close friend at a time. Juggling multiple friendships at once feels overwhelming, almost impossible. I genuinely don’t have the energy or bandwidth to spread myself across several people, and honestly, I resist even trying.

Another thing: I’ve rarely clicked with people my own age. My closest companions over the years have almost all been decades older – in their 40s, 50s, even 60s. I know now that I was unconsciously looking for maternal warmth I never got at home. My family was chaotic, neglectful, and painful, so I poured all my unmet needs into these older friends, treating them almost like surrogate mothers.

And for a while, it worked. At the start of each new phase, they were kind, patient, and understanding about my depression. But over time, my neediness would grow, I leaned on them too heavily, and my emotional instability would flare up more often than anyone could reasonably absorb. One by one, they pulled away. Each time, I told myself I’d do better next time, but the pattern repeated.

Now? I have zero friends. Not a single person I can text just to say "hi." And I feel like a complete failure at human connection.

It’s not even that starting a friendship is easy for me – it’s not. With autism, social cues are a minefield. I often say things that come out wrong, unintentionally confuse people, or accidentally offend them. I try so hard to be clear and warm, but my words seem to backfire more often than not.

Worst of all, I’ve lost all courage to try again. Because deep down, I’m convinced that no matter how beautiful the early days are – the late-night talks, the shared laughs, the feeling of finally being seen, it will always end the same way: with me driving them away. It feels like a curse, or worse, a flaw in my very core.

So now I find myself stuck. I want connection more than anything, but I’m terrified of repeating the cycle. Whenever I catch myself smiling at a fond memory of a friend who’s no longer here, the joy curdles into grief. Those happy moments are real, but they’re also evidence of what I’ve lost, and what I can’t seem to keep.

I don’t know what to do. How do you break a pattern that feels baked into your neurology and your trauma? How do you learn to trust yourself with others when every past relationship has collapsed under your own weight?

If anyone out there has been through something similar, especially with AuDHD, depression, or attachment wounds, I’d really appreciate hearing your story. How did you start over? Did you find a way to build healthier friendships without draining yourself or the other person?

Thanks for reading. 

i am male , 50, bisexual, have autism and adhd and i have a hard time to come.

i feel like the adhd attention fluctuation prolongues the arrival of climax by about 1 hour on average. (masturbation)

in sex it can even lead to several hours up to no climax at all after 6+ hours of intimacy.

is there a way to train the focus in those specific moments or helpful substances?

another thing thats not helpful in these times are probably sensory inputs becoming overwhelming due to autism related hypersensitivity.

again, could be helpful if focussed on positive inputs and maybe even enhancing to the goal.

do you have any experiences or advice about such things?