u/Specific_Use2311

I'm (M17) classmates with this girl (F16), she's genuinely the nicest friend I've had, as in, she makes me actually feel needed or valuable; she remembers things I bring up a lot, actually asks questions about me. She reminds me of myself a lot for some reason, we're both very "royal" or "aristocratic" the way our friends call it. Also we genuinely find each other funny, we both laugh at each other's even not so funny jokes.

Anyways, she does (afaik) have a boyfriend, but he's long distance as they had to physically separate some time ago (we're both ukrainians so I assume they immigrated into different countries). I came to this conclusion as when one of my friends said "let me find y'all a partner", she said she's good as she's already got a boyfriend, and she also has matching bios with someone.

And now I have an ethical dilemma, should I try flirting with her, or be the way I am normally, platonic? I genuinely like her and would've already asked her out if I didn't knew she's got a boyfriend. It's an ethical issue to me, because I genuinely feel like my flirt might get her interested, as imo irl relationship is always better than a long distance one, if I were her I'd probably let go of the long distance one if I had a potential real one (real as in non long distance).

Should I try flirting with her? Or am I being delusional about a person being able to end an ldr if they prefer a real relationship? What should I do? If I keep overthinking it it's only gonna get worse, I think

My (M17) mom (M51) recently had a surgery that revealed that she has cancer, or had for a long time. The stage and details are unknown, the results are yet to come.

Anyways, she doesn't want anyone to know about it besides her family, and asked me not to share the fact that she has cancer, so that our neighbors won't know about it (we live in a very small town).

I think I'll still share it with my close friends at school as it will really help me.

To be honest, it's hard to admit it, but I feel good that she was diagnosed with cancer. She'll be out of my life sooner than I thought. That's the thing I want to share with my friends, telling people my mom's got cancer isn't really a big deal for me, I couldn't care less; the difficult part is admitting that I'm actually all joyous and happy about it.

Also something interesting I noticed. If anyone here have read the book "Running on Empty" by Jonice Webb, it's basically about emotional neglect. I brought it up because she has great troubles nurturing herself and receiving help from others, and she also can't take to depend on someone that is not herself, so did I a couple of years ago. And now she has to constantly do both of those actions, and there's only more to come.

I wonder if it makes her grow on a personal level, or is it just torturing her? She practically fully depends on me right now, and also has to receive help from the hospital. She's also getting chemotherapy soon, which will obviously make her even less "able". That's something I'm going through right now guys, actually feels like a decent moment in my life. I remember I had to live alone last 2 weeks because she was in hospital, that was just heaven on earth tbh.
Thanks if you read up until this point of this post.

My (M17) mom (M51) recently had a surgery that revealed that she has cancer, or had for a long time. The stage and details are unknown, the results are yet to come.

Anyways, she doesn't want anyone to know about it besides her family, and asked me not to share the fact that she has cancer, so that our neighbors won't know about it (we live in a very small town).

I think I'll still share it with my close friends at school as it will really help me.

To be honest, it's hard to admit it, but I feel good that she was diagnosed with cancer. She'll be out of my life sooner than I thought. That's the thing I want to share with my friends, telling people my mom's got cancer isn't really a big deal for me, I couldn't care less; the difficult part is admitting that I'm actually all joyous and happy about it.

Also something interesting I noticed. If anyone here have read the book "Running on Empty" by Jonice Webb, it's basically about emotional neglect. I brought it up because she has great troubles nurturing herself and receiving help from others, and she also can't take to depend on someone that is not herself, so did I a couple of years ago. And now she has to constantly do both of those actions, and there's only more to come.

I wonder if it makes her grow on a personal level, or is it just torturing her? She practically fully depends on me right now, and also has to receive help from the hospital. She's also getting chemotherapy soon, which will obviously make her even less "able". That's something I'm going through right now guys, actually feels like a decent moment in my life. I remember I had to live alone last 2 weeks because she was in hospital, that was just heaven on earth tbh.
Thanks if you read up until this point of this post.

I'm turning 18 in about 3.5 months (december 21st)
My mom will likely leave Ireland when I turn 18 and I will be left alone here.

ukrainian btw.

When I turn 18 I should have about 3 months to get a job and somewhere to live, that is considering the IRP thing will end in march and I'll have to move out of government funded housing.

I currently live in quite a small town, there's only 1 okay-ish job that I'm aware of, and 1-2 places to rent.

I would like to get some advice, as I've only started 5th year at a local secondary school this august, and if everything goes as I expect, I won't make it into 6th year.

Anyone had any similar experiences? What should I do? Kinda wanna keep living here

I'm turning 18 in about 3.5 months (december 21st)
My mom will likely leave Ireland when I turn 18 and I will be left alone here.

ukrainian living in Ireland btw.

When I turn 18 I should have about 3 months to get a job and somewhere to live, that is considering the IRP thing will end in march and I'll have to move out of government funded housing.

I currently live in quite a small town, there's only 1 okay-ish job that I'm aware of, and 1-2 places to rent.

I would like to get some advice, as I've only started 5th year at a local secondary school this august, and if everything goes as I expect, I won't make it into 6th year.

Anyone had any similar experiences? What should I do? Kinda wanna keep living here

I'm turning 18 in about 3.5 months (december 21st)
My mom will likely leave Ireland when I turn 18 and I will be left alone here.

ukrainian living in Ireland btw.

When I turn 18 I should have about 3 months to get a job and somewhere to live, that is considering the IRP thing will end in march and I'll have to move out of government funded housing.

I currently live in quite a small town, there's only 1 okay-ish job that I'm aware of, and 1-2 places to rent.

I would like to get some advice, as I've only started 5th year at a local secondary school this august, and if everything goes as I expect, I won't make it into 6th year.

Anyone had any similar experiences? What should I do? Kinda wanna keep living here

Essentially, we've been friends for about three months now, and she is constantly flirting with me, she usually brushes it off as "oh I'm just flirty with everyone really, that's my communication style"
no it's not, even her siblings called her out on that statement, she is generally flirty to everyone, but it's different for me.

She even made me a drawing of my fav OC, and to do that she had to find my youtube, which I never shared with her. The way she found out about it was through a classmate, about a year ago, that girl was showing my social media accounts to other people at school and she was one of them. She had to remember it for a whole year, and we only became friends recently, surely that's not just a friendly behavior.

She's constantly mocking me, but only in this, absurd/flipped manner? I'm not sure what's it called, since I'm a little older she'd make fun of me being a kid and stuff like that. I find those confusing, but nice, since out of all people in our friend group 90% of the time I'm the only subject of her people-oriented-jokes.

Sometimes when we hangout with her younger siblings, they would constantly ship us, they tend to be kinder to me, and more curious, they act very different around me, compared to her other friends.

Also, sometimes she seems to be making a conscious effort to not appear as liking me,

We kinda have an inside joke that we're learning to flirt to each other the way lesbians do, it came from her, telling her younger brother that he should learn how to flirt from lesbians to get girls to date him, so I said we should practice on each other, she kinda went along.

She also doesn't mind, or even enjoys one on one hangouts with me.

A few days after she rejected me, I realized I kinda need to take a break from our friendship, so that my feelings won't eat me from inside, I told her about it so she doesn't think we're not friends anymore, I will try to minimize contact with her to process my emotions and maybe try to shift my focus on another person.

There's a lot more stuff than that, and my intuition rarely lets me down. Her rejection was honetsly a big surprise to me.
Also, here's her message translated to english:
"
I don't even know what to tell you.
I'm definitely not looking for a relationship right now, or anything like that at all. And I don't see you as anything more than a friend.
You're interesting, smart... but that's just how it turned out I suppose.

We can talk about this when we meet if it makes you feel better, but honestly, I don't see the point.
"

My question is, am I delusional here? Even if I'm not, I don't think it's morally correct to not take a no as an answer, or is it? What should I do?

I M17 like this girl F16, we have been hanging out for a few months now, sometimes 1 on 1, sometimes with a friend group.

I have a hangout tomorrow planned with her, and possibly our friendgroup/her siblings.

On the last two hangouts, she was quite persistent with provocative takes on me, such as saying that she thinks I'm actually more interested in boys because I only show affection to them (maybe true idk) but to me it seems like she's baiting me to be like "No! that's not true!", because she knows I'm not gay.

She's constantly mocking me, but only in this, absurd/flipped manner? I'm not sure what's it called, since I'm a little older she'd make fun of me being a kid and stuff like that. I find those confusing, but nice, since out of all people in our friend group 90% of the time I'm the only subject of her people-oriented-jokes.

Sometimes when we hangout with her younger siblings, they would constantly ship us, they tend to be kinder to me, and more curious, they act very different around her other friends

Also, sometimes she seems to be making a conscious effort to not appear as liking me,

She once randomly sent me a drawing of my OC, we kinda have an inside joke that we're learning to flirt to each other the way lesbians do, it came from her, telling her younger brother that he should learn how to flirt from lesbians to get girls to date him, so I said we should practice on each other, she kinda went along.

The question is: I always freeze when I'm about to tell her I like her, how do I not? Is it worth telling it to her through text if I won't be able to get myself to say it irl?

Like, compared to the way we'd talk to each other a month ago is a lot more "cautious" compared to what we could do right now.

I M17 like this girl F16, we have been hanging out for a few months now, sometimes 1 on 1, sometimes with a friend group.

I have a hangout tomorrow planned with her, and possibly our friendgroup/her siblings.

I've been somewhat guilt tripping myself over not being able to make any moves, but after writing this post, I don't feel like I even need to, the relationship seems to advance by itself. What are your thoughts/experiences? School will also start in a few days, we're gonna be seeing each other daily.

On the last two hangouts, she was quite persistent with provocative takes on me, such as saying that she thinks I'm actually more interested in boys because I only show affection to them (maybe true idk) but to me it seems like she's baiting me to be like "No! that's not true!".

She's constantly mocking me, but only in this..., absurd/flipped manner? I'm not sure what's it called, since I'm a little older she'd make fun of me being a kid and stuff like that. I find those confusing, but nice, since out of all people in our friend group 90% of the time I'm the only subject of her people-oriented-jokes.

Sometimes when we hangout with her younger siblings, they would constantly ship us, they tend to be kinder to me, and more curious, they act very different around her other friends

Also, sometimes she seems to be making a conscious effort to not appear as liking me,

She once randomly sent me a drawing of my OC, we kinda have an inside joke that we're learning to flirt to each other the way lesbians do, it came from her, telling her younger brother that he should learn how to flirt from lesbians to get girls to date him, so I said we should practice on each other, she kinda went along.

The question is: is it even worth it making some conscious actions to try to advance it "artificially", such as telling her I like her in a low-key way, or stuff like that.

Or, is it just fine going as it is? Without any "moves", I feel like these "moves" happen naturally overtime.

I do kinda want to gradually introduce a little bit of physical touch, I think it can be fun to try it out.

Like, compared to the way we'd talk to each other a month ago is a lot more "cautious" compared to what we could do right now.

I've been hanging out with a girl from my class, it seems like she's avoidantly attached, and emotionally neglected ofcourse.

It's interesting because I am too, but I've been unconsciously working on it for the past year or two, the book "Running on empty" really helped me as I read it a week ago, I realized my suspected autism is actually emotional neglect and so on and so on. Huge eye opening experience in short.

Anyways, she's clearly into me, but the second I told her I like her back, she suddenly cannot hang out one-on-one for the past two weeks now.

Which is okay, I'll definitely find someone more communicative/emotional/whatever.

But, I don't know if it's my own emotional neglect thing coming through or something else, I really want to share my own experience of finding and reading this book with her / recommend it for her to read, because if someone from my own circle wouldn't have done the same, I would keep thinking that I'm just autistic and etc.

I can't fix her, only she can, but I do think telling her about this book and my experience with it MIGHT change the course of her life at some point.

The question is, obviously, should I? If so, what's a good way to do it? Anyone had any similar experiences?

I've been hanging out with a girl from my class, it seems like she's avoidantly attached, and emotionally neglected ofcourse.

It's interesting because I am too, but I've been unconsciously working on it for the past year or two, the book "Running on empty" really helped me as I read it a week ago, I realized my suspected autism is actually emotional neglect and so on and so on. Huge eye opening experience in short.

Anyways, she's clearly into me, but the second I told her I like her back, she suddenly cannot hang out one-on-one for the past two weeks now.

Which is okay, I'll definitely find someone more communicative/emotional/whatever.

But, I don't know if it's my own emotional neglect thing coming through or something else, I really want to share my own experience of finding and reading this book with her / recommend it for her to read, because if someone from my own circle wouldn't have done the same, I would keep thinking that I'm just autistic and etc.

I can't fix her, only she can, but I do think telling her about this book and my experience with it MIGHT change the course of her life at some point.

The question is, obviously, should I? If so, what's a good way to do it? Anyone had any similar experiences?

I am somewhat of an emotionally neglected single child, my mom was a Permissive-Addicted type of a parent. My dad was rather passive in my childhood, he'd usually be shut up by my mom, and I'd also get scolded in private by EACH of my parents (mom and dad) that I'm like the other one, (mom would say I'm bad because I'm like dad, and dad would say the same thing but that I'm like my mom)

Anyways, now I'm 17, and the fun part is, as I was reading the book, I noticed that somehow, I was already following what is advised by it, learning to notice my emotions, soothe, all the good stuff.

I was quite baffled that the only thing this book brought to me is just understanding, which is, don't get me wrong, extremely helpful. My growth is certainly going to spike up as I understood the ideas presented in the book, because before reading it, I assumed I just had undiagnosed autism (still possible, but working on my emotional neglect seems to be a better priority)

I just wanted to share, how surprised, and embarrassed to admit that I feel proud of somehow figuring most of this stuff out before even finding out about what emotional neglect is. Thanks to everyone on this sub who commented under people's posts to read running on empty, it's such an eye opening experience, I never felt happier.

I'm autistic, and tend to obsess over disciplines from time to time, typically I'd learn to do X until I'm satisfied or bored, I've done so with 3d animation (which is like animation itself, composition and modeling), music composition, photography, and lots of other things.

So, basically a rookie-intermediate at everything.

Eventually, I started noticing just how similar all these disciplines are, I can't exactly put it into words, but it's like I just keep seeing this pattern that repeats in every outlet.

And the fun thing is, as I've started noticing the patterns, I've become so much better in all these disciplines, including the ones I wasn't actively practicing.

The improvement was immense, I genuinely started to be able to draw things I couldn't even grasp before, a big surprise was how intuitive drawing fisheye perspective felt. I never really drew anything with the focus on perspective, and my artist friends knew it, they were just as surprised as I am, knowing I never TOUCHED perspective.

Same thing happened to other skills like color, proportions, everything really, it just started to make sense.

Has this happened to anyone else? Might just be an autism thing, but I've genuinely improved like crazy in a matter of a week after I noticed these patterns.

I was hanging out with a girl I like, we were eating ice cream together, she somehow splatters bits of it on my head (im bald) and starts licking it off for the rest of the dream.

It felt very intimate, like we were kissing. Weird thing is that I'd expect to have such dream after some kind of a similar intimacy, this is how it usually was.

But this dream specifically came up rather out of the blue, I do like her, but just liking a person never made me get such dreams. What do y'all think?

it actually felt so real that right after I woke up I started touching my head trying to wipe off the leftover icecream or saliva lol

I was hanging out with a girl I like, we were eating ice cream together, she somehow splatters bits of it on my head (im bald) and starts licking it off for the rest of the dream.

It felt very intimate, like we were kissing. Weird thing is that I'd expect to have such dream after some kind of a similar intimacy, this is how it usually was.

But this dream specifically came up rather out of the blue, I do like her, but just liking a person never made me get such dreams. What do y'all think?

it actually felt so real that right after I woke up I started touching my head trying to wipe off the leftover icecream or saliva lol

I was hanging out with a girl I like, we were eating ice cream together, she somehow splatters bits of it on my head (im bald) and starts licking it off for the rest of the dream.

It felt very intimate, like we were kissing. Weird thing is that I'd expect to have such dream after some kind of a similar intimacy, this is how it usually was.

But this dream specifically came up rather out of the blue, I do like her, but just liking a person never made me get such dreams. What do y'all think?

it actually felt so real that right after I woke up I started touching my head trying to wipe off the leftover icecream or saliva lol

I was hanging out with a girl I like, we were eating ice cream together, she somehow splatters bits of it on my head (im bald) and starts licking it off for the rest of the dream.

It felt very intimate, like we were kissing. Weird thing is that I'd expect to have such dream after some kind of a similar intimacy, this is how it usually was.

But this dream specifically came up rather out of the blue, I do like her, but just liking a person never made me get such dreams. What do y'all think?

it actually felt so real that right after I woke up I started touching my head trying to wipe off the leftover icecream or saliva lol

AuDHD I've been hanging out lately with this ADHD girl who seemed to like me back. As I was too afraid to initiate discussing our feelings, I sent her a text saying smth along the lines of, “I think I like you and would appreciate it if we could talk about it on our next hangout”. That was two weeks ago, we couldn't hang out because of the heatwave, after which she told me she's got big loads of work to do and will be busy for a few solid weeks.

Yesterday, while having a bbq party with my family, I see her with her girl classmate walk near my house, that was weird for two reasons, she mentioned she was busy, and the fact that she walked near my house, mind you, she never hands out there as there is practically nothing to do besides waking, it's barely a neighborhood. It felt like she consciously chose to hangout here, near my house. So I invited them over for a chat, she invited me to hangout with them right now atleast three times in that 5 minute chat. I couldn't go because I was busy with the bbq, so, they both awkwardly left.

And one more thing. Our friendship started off going to the cinema together to see something we were both very excited about. That hangout she invited me to the cinema again, in a month. Now, she told me she's unsure if she'll have enough money to go there, which is okay but never really happened before, it feels like she's asking me to pay for her, which I won't do as I'm not the one paying in this situation.

So, what I am confused about is, some of these actions contradict each other and the stuff she seems to be communicating to me.

I'll obviously just ask her straight up later, but I am unable to hangout with her for a few weeks now.

AuDHD I've been hanging out lately with this ADHD girl who seemed to like me back. As I was too afraid to initiate discussing our feelings, I sent her a text saying smth along the lines of, “I think I like you and would appreciate it if we could talk about it on our next hangout”. That was two weeks ago, we couldn't hang out because of the heatwave, after which she told me she's got big loads of work to do and will be busy for a few solid weeks.

Yesterday, while having a bbq party with my family, I see her with her girl classmate walk near my house, that was weird for two reasons, she mentioned she was busy, and the fact that she walked near my house, mind you, she never hands out there as there is practically nothing to do besides waking, it's barely a neighborhood. It felt like she consciously chose to hangout here, near my house. So I invited them over for a chat, she invited me to hangout with them right now atleast three times in that 5 minute chat. I couldn't go because I was busy with the bbq, so, they both awkwardly left.

And one more thing. Our friendship started off going to the cinema together to see something we were both very excited about. That hangout she invited me to the cinema again, in a month. Now, she told me she's unsure if she'll have enough money to go there, which is okay but never really happened before, it feels like she's asking me to pay for her, which I won't do as I'm not the one paying in this situation.

So, what I am confused about is, some of these actions contradict each other and the stuff she seems to be communicating to me.

I'll obviously just ask her straight up later, but I am unable to hangout with her for a few weeks now.

AuDHD I've been hanging out lately with this ADHD girl who seemed to like me back. As I was too afraid to initiate discussing our feelings, I sent her a text saying smth along the lines of, “I think I like you and would appreciate it if we could talk about it on our next hangout”. That was two weeks ago, we couldn't hang out because of the heatwave, after which she told me she's got big loads of work to do and will be busy for a few solid weeks.

Yesterday, while having a bbq party with my family, I see her with her girl classmate walk near my house, that was weird for two reasons, she mentioned she was busy, and the fact that she walked near my house, mind you, she never hands out there as there is practically nothing to do besides waking, it's barely a neighborhood. It felt like she consciously chose to hangout here, near my house. So I invited them over for a chat, she invited me to hangout with them right now atleast three times in that 5 minute chat. I couldn't go because I was busy with the bbq, so, they both awkwardly left.

And one more thing. Our friendship started off going to the cinema together to see something we were both very excited about. That hangout she invited me to the cinema again, in a month. Now, she told me she's unsure if she'll have enough money to go there, which is okay but never really happened before, it feels like she's asking me to pay for her, which I won't do as I'm not the one paying in this situation.

So, what I am confused about is, some of these actions contradict each other and the stuff she seems to be communicating to me.

I'll obviously just ask her straight up later, but I am unable to hangout with her for a few weeks now.