I can’t handle living with other people
I feel like in order for me to do more than just survive I’d have to live completely alone but this isn’t happening, not for me or for most people my age. I’m 22, I’m renting a room in a landlord occupied house. I don’t see myself affording anything else anytime soon. I feel like in order for me to thrive I’d have to either not be AuDHD or be born into a different socio-economic class. Neither of which are happening anytime soon.
I can’t handle cooking when other people are around, when I do cook my landlord comes into the kitchen and remarks on how I’m „finally cooking something” and how surprising it is. He doesn’t mean anything by it, I’m still bothered, but because I’m paying for the privilege of having a roof over my head I can’t just tell him not to come into the kitchen when I’m cooking, it’s his house and I just get to stay here.
I hate that I don’t have any say in guests, I hate that I never know if suddenly someone is going to come over and I have to strategically plan leaving my room around that. I hate that I only feel safe in my room but it’s not even mine and I have to brace myself for when I eventually move out and don’t get my deposit back because of stupid carpet stains that won’t come out. Whoever came up with the idea of carpet floors is evil
Sometimes I feel like everyone else that’s AuDHD just got lucky and I’m stuck suffering without having much of a way out. It’s like everyone else has a partner or a loving family and more money to be able to afford to exist without having to infringe on their disabilities. I can’t talk about this to most other people because my fear of cooking with other people around sounds like I’m just making my life worse, I should just get over it. I cannot afford to be fussy and I need to just get on with it and accept that it is now a privilege to be able to live alone without other people around. I don’t really see a future in which I can successfully get over it