r/childfree

Because apparently “open to children” actually means “I desperately want kids and this is a dealbreaker for me”

Was chatting with this guy on bumble for a few days. His profile said “open to kids”. Things are going well then he hits me with the “I love your vibe and style but… I just read you don’t want to have kids… want to be friends? I also think your dog is super cute”

Unmatched him immediately because wtf.

No exaggeration, 30 minutes later I get this text from a guy I’ve been talking to for over a month. He also has “open to children” listed on his profile. He tells me he’s trying to approach dating more intentionally with long term compatibility in mind and says “I noticed on your profile that you mentioned not wanting children and I was wondering whether that’s a firm, permanent stance or just a temporary position for the time being?”

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.

On what planet would “don’t want children” mean “I actually want children in a couple of years”?!?!?! On what planet. Bffr

Really I’m just venting here until I get to talk this out in therapy later today.

Big hugs to all the childfree women out here. There is just something so uniquely dehumanizing about your refusal to offer up your uterus on a free use platter being the #1 reason why you can’t find a partner.

I keep thinking about how normalized this is and I honestly don’t get it.

Women spend years studying, building careers, getting established in jobs they actually worked hard to get… and then after having a baby, the expectation often becomes: pause everything. Maybe for a year. Maybe longer. Sometimes indefinitely. And the worst part is, these women are the ones okay with it. They are choosing not to return to work and financially burdening the rest of their family. 

And it’s treated like this is just the obvious, unquestionable path.
Career momentum? Gone.
Financial independence? Reduced.
Identity outside motherhood? Nonexistent.
And in a lot of cases, even returning to work is framed as “not really possible” because you “can’t leave the baby,” even when that decision quietly puts financial pressure on the entire household.

What really gets me is how accepted all of this is. Like it’s not even a debate..it’s just assumed that women will absorb the disruption and restructure their entire lives around it.

For me, that imbalance is exactly why I’m childfree. I’m not interested in a life where everything I built becomes negotiable the second a baby enters the picture.

Genuinely curious if anyone else saw this reality and thought “yeah… no thanks.”

I love kids. I love my friends’ kids, I love the kids in my family, I love seeing little league teams playing baseball on the fields in the spring, I love seeing those lines of preschoolers connected by those leash thingies. I advocate for better maternal healthcare, family leave, free school lunches, universal childcare, etc. I rally for the children of Palestine and Sudan and all nations under siege.

In a spiritual way, I feel that ALL children are my children. I want to leave the world a better place than I found it, for future generations.

But none of this means I want children of my own. In a way, it’s because I love and care about children, that I don’t want any. I get overstimulated too easily. I hate being touched. I need hours of alone time and decompression every day. I have so many hobbies. I have no desire to be a mother and be “on” all the time. I think children deserve parents who really want them with every fiber of their being.

Of course I also find kids annoying a lot of the time, but they are kids and I have empathy for them. It’s just that I don’t want to be the one who deals with said annoyances all the time. I want to come home to a quiet house, chill with my cats and my husband, and get to be myself.

Also, I don’t want to bring another child into this world. There are so many children without families already… if I really wanted to be a mother (which I 100% do not), why wouldn’t I just foster kids or adopt?

Yesterday was a pretty big deal for me career-wise. I’m an appellate attorney for the public defenders office in my state, meaning I handle appeals of criminal (or other related) cases. Our state Supreme Court takes very few cases each year - probably like 60-80 cases a year (of which only about 1/4 to 1/3 are criminal (so like 15-20 cases a year of the type that I handle)).

Yesterday, the state Supreme Court accepted 2(!!!) of my cases for review. This is massive - a lot of attorneys in my office have waited years for one case to be granted and I got 2 in one day.

Later, when I was talking to my mom on the phone about it, she abruptly went “so on a different note, your sister had to take your niece to the ER for her leg but it turned out it was just a bruise.” Like what??? I’m in the middle of talking to you about (quite possibly) the biggest day of my career but a bruise on my nieces leg is more important?? I’m happy my niece is ok but come on.

My mom then proceeded to ask me more questions about my opinions on the Stanley cup playoffs than she did about (arguably) my biggest accomplishment to date. Talk about telling me you don’t give a fuck about my actual life without telling me.

Yep..

And that's how my last relationship ended.. it wasn't even a relationship because i still didn't even know him that well ( barely dating )

And he was already saying shit like this.

TWO WEEKS in and he's already telling me that nobody is gonna love me because i can't have kids. And that he's the only man who's okay with this.

I just simply do not give a fuck if someone gets pregnant. I find all the excitement around pregnancy so weird because it just feels what humans do sometimes. I’ve wondered if it’s jealousy but I really don’t know if I want kids. There was a pregnant woman at my work who used that excuse to not do completely reasonable work. All the girls are so excited for it and I’m just not. It makes me feel left out in a way because it feels like I have to genuinely fake excitement or being happy for someone, that’s the only way I know how to describe it is I just literally do not care

What a nightmare.

My partner just mentioned that his parents (mom) has many times asked him about us marrying and having kids. I asked if he told her I never want kids. He said yes, he has told her that. He and I have been together for 3 years and I didn't know this conversation was happening, outside of acknowledging it might have happened early on before they really knew me, and I definitely didn't think it was happening on a recurring basis or recently.

She doesn't broach this conversation when I'm around, only with him. I find it disturbing to know she is talking to him / asking him about kids repeatedly in order to do...what? To try to convince her son to persuade me to go against my own wishes? Without my knowledge and behind my back, when he has already told her I don't want them. It feels like an invasion of privacy / imposition into our relationship from her and I feel super weird knowing about it now and also not previously knowing it had been happening the whole time.

My partner said he never mentioned it before because he was shielding me from it, or something. I never before thought about what his parents might say about me or regarding me to him when I'm not around. I don't think my parents ever really talk about my partner to me, outside of just casual conversation (how is he doing, how is his work, etc.), so I never thought about whether his parents might have things to say about me/our relationship when I'm not around. I feel really weird knowing this now.

People talk about when you get pregnant when my constipated ass can't even shit properly, I take that as a threat to my life because literally every time I shit I feel like I'm already giving birth! Last time, I accidentally pushed too hard while pooping i genuinely thought I was not making it. The pain was unbearable. i looked like i was on my death bed. And here I am again with the same pain it doesn't end. My torment is eternal. I'd rather die than get pregnant and give birth. It's literally self harm because there is no reason for it unlike shit i literally NEED TO SHIT.

I know women lose their grey matter in pregnancy, but apparently they never gain it back!

Colleague in the office next to mine came to work red eyed, looking like death warmed over and cheerfully announced that she thinks she has Covid!!

But she needed a break from taking care of her also sick infant, so naturally she came to work.

I thought cool, I'll close my door, open a window and breathe very shallow for the next few hours, but no, of course she had to come into my office not once, not twice but three times and not only that she was huffing and puffing, spewing viruses all around, to show how annoyed she was with some situation.

I am very health anxious, but as luck would have it, I had no more masks with me. Also, since my wife has her own business, if I now bring something home it means less money, since she can't exactly go on a paid leave.

Kicker is we work with children so this is an immanent superspreader event. I really need to grow a backbone, I wish I told her to fuck off. I hate parents, the most selfish people in the universe.

Normally I go to my folks' house for memorial day weekend to relax, but this year my sibling is bringing his whole family to stay at their house for the weekend, so i politely declined to come home. That wasn't the only reason, honestly...gas is expensive, and I've had a really long week and the idea of sitting in traffic for hours on friday night and then to come home again monday night just isn't appealing to me right now. I figure I can save my money and then go visit when things aren't quite so busy (they live in a tourist trap). Anyways, my mom feigned disappointment when I said I was going to stay home and get some stuff done and do things with friends, but her disappointment wasn't "oh we'd love to see you" or "we're going to have fun" it was: "if you come, you can help with the kids." Uh yeah, that doesn't sound like a vacation to me! Kids kind of ruin the whole vibe, and when my niblings are around, my parents both turn into zombies and ignore me. I'm not expecting to be the center of attention or anything, but I just feel like the odd man out. I don't have much to contribute to the conversation, and I honestly don't feel like they really even notice that I am there. I'd rather just be at home relaxing and doing what I like instead of trying to please people I'm not sure even like me (I'm talking about my siblings; not my folks.) anyone else feel like this?

In a bit of a rut professionally, and personally. But at the end of the day, continue to be grateful to be CF and to even now know that term, for so long I had labeled myself childless and it was disempowering.

Have seen some things recently including a father unable to build in a 20 minute walk to his commute to get to a train, followed by a 10 minute walk to office, so is forced to drive. I don't blame him at all, but his life is so different from mine - I can't fathom not being able to build in 30 minutes of walking into one way of a commute.

Saw a joke about a parent eyeing their kid's uneaten food at the same time as the dog eyed the same scraps and had a flashback to years of babysitting as a teen where I'd be absolutely feral devouring leftover mac & cheese etc after kids went to bed. I was so dysregulated and had no clue 😂

One of the things I'm on the struggle bus with is setting new boundaries with parent friends who only know me as a people pleaser. I made major charges 4.5 years ago (sobriety, and later becoming plant based) but some of the growth has only really taken root in recent years and they've been too consumed to know the difference. I've gotta take responsibility for my part in the foundation of the relationships and am avoiding it for now. One day. Still, their chaos, anxiety, discontent is unfortunate and makes me so eternally grateful to be free.

Just some rambles and gratitude this morning. I've got alot of work to do, alot of community to build, but I'll get there one day at a time. And every one of those days being CF makes it easier to work on me.

I think i'm gonna use this reply if i ever get asked this question. It amazes me how optimistic people are about a possibility that their kid will take them in or send them to a good nursing home. Adult kids kick out their parents and grandparents from their houses. They beat them up and there were cases of rapes done by disabled adult kids.

Yes, nobody will take care of me because i don't expect anyone to especially in this economy. Have they seen the prices for senior homes or visiting caregivers?! Also, i wouldn't wanna be in a nursing home. An assistant-living? Maybe yes. It's even more expensive. But i just wanna stay in my house by the river and be driven to the city whenever i want to. That's the life i might be able to afford if i don't have any extra expenses now. I doubt that i will buti might. You won't. Parents only invest in kids and hope that the said kids will return the debt later. No, they won't. Every adult struggles in this economy and they will only struggle more. You may get a successful kid though. He still won't take care of you becaus you sucked as a parent or because your kid sucks. Either way, we all might end up alone.

I'm an Artist currently working at my local art center. On wednesdays (such as tonight) we do family art time from 5pm-7. Basically free arts and crafts to do with parents and their children of all ages, we provide all the materials and you don't need to reserve a spot as it's first come first serve. However, parents are NOT allowed to dump their kids with us as 1. we aren't daycare and that's a liability and 2. Defeats the whole purpose of FAMILY art time.

Anyway, I host this event every Wednesday. My job is to simply hand them their materials and the instructions sheet and they work at their own pace. Tonight these 2 moms came with their SMALL DAUGHTERS ABOUT 4 YEARS THE BOTH OF THEM, began doing the craft project for like 5 minutes at the tables, and then without saying anything or even asking if i could watch them, take off to go look at the exhibits we had. Immediately I run to go get the president and told her what they just did and point them out to her. She went over and told they need to stay with their children we will not be watching them and leaving them unattended is strictly prohibited.

The moms come back and at least apologize to me. I lie and say 'its ok" to avoid conflict and keep my job.

I just still CANNOT believe the enitlement. These ladies are morons for dumping their 4 year old daughers with a random stranger and not even asking first or saying anything. Anyone could have kidnapped them.

I had this happen once at a laundromat too. Some crappy lazy parents left their shitty behaved children with my boyfriend and I without asking, once i realized what was happening I also left because those aren't my kids 💀 the look on those parents faces when they realized we also weren't going to watch their kids either.

Why do parents try to dump their children with random strangers? Parents that do this honestly deserved to have CPS called on them for putting them in danger like that. They could at least ask and stop assuming random strangers they've never met are just going to take care of their children. It's so odd. Glad the president of the art center called it out as soon as i reported it. it was so funny seeing them come back.

I chose to stay childfree for a reason. I can't stand lazy parents that think this is ok. They snitch on themselves every day by demonstrating how much they truly hate being parents.

I just wanna rant here because I randomly remembered this friend of ours. She has a 3-year-old kid, and one time my partner and I were out when she messaged him and sent a screenshot of a potty trainer saying, “Can you buy this for us?” My partner just replied that we weren’t at the mall. Like… why did she even think it was okay to ask my partner to buy something for her kid? She has a husband. And she could literally order it online. Her child is not our responsibility.

There was also another time when they wanted us to pick them up from their house so we could all go to dinner together. We told them to just take a taxi because the stroller wouldn’t fit in the trunk, and somehow they still had the audacity to get mad about it.

And honestly, we started noticing things about the kid too. The child is already 3 years old and still not talking, has really intense tantrums, doesn’t respond when their name is called, and avoids eye contact. I have a background in childcare for kids with autism, so out of genuine concern, I asked if they had ever gotten the child checked. They just said no because the kid is “just chill.”

So now it’s just becoming really irritating because it honestly feels like we’re being gaslighted. And I’ve been trying to be understanding because maybe they really just don’t wanna tell people what condition their kid has, which is their choice. But at the same time, they keep bringing up their child every single time we talk, and then whenever someone asks anything out of concern, they just say the kid is “just chill.” Like… okay then? If you don’t wanna talk about it, then don’t bring it up all the time.

We’ve honestly become distant from them for those reasons too because it started feeling like they only wanted us around whenever it was convenient for them. And honestly, life has been pretty peaceful without them in it anyway.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant. Lesson learned: never buy a potty trainer for anyone.

My fiancé and I had to have my last bird put down in 2025. I have told him that we will get a dog but not anytime soon. I want us to have our credit cards paid off and have decent savings before we get a dog, which will probably take 3 years.

(Bit of a backstory, I got sterilized a few years ago so my parents know I don't want children)

I told my dad about my fiancé and I waiting to get a dog until we have things paid off and he had to say to me, "Everyone told your mom and I to wait to have kids until we could afford it. If we had waited, you still wouldn't have been born." Meaning they still can't afford anything. They struggled for years to make ends meet and, honestly, they still struggle and constantly ask me to borrow money.

I feel like he was trying to tell me in a roundabout way to get the dog now even though we're not financially stable and it annoys me.

It annoys me that parents bring kids into the world with very little thought on how their finances will effect everything.

Every other post on /dogs or r/dogadvice is a parent saying I have a dog and it’s become too much now that I have three children, especially with the most recent baby. I have a useless husband who doesn’t walk the dog and walking the dog with three children is too hard. I’m looking to rehome the dog. Can anyone recommend a good shelter to drop a 13-year-old pitbull with anxiety?

i’m sure I’m like one post away from getting banned from these communities, but I literally always comment and tell them they should accept the fact that they’re basically euthanizing their dog if they drop them at a shelter right now and that it’d be more humane to euthanize the dog themselves then to have the dog die alone, its last moments spent in terror. I also tell them this is nothing unique. I see posts about irresponsible parents rehoming their dogs all the time and I hope that they don’t do the same to their children when they become inconvenient to them. I know dogs and children aren’t the same yeah yeah yeah. But to me, it shows a real lack of empathy that I hope doesn’t eventually spread to their children. If the children don’t turn out to be the perfect angels they’re expecting.

Whenever I'm in public, some kid is crying, whining, complaining, screaming and generally being as annoying as possible. Was I annoying as a kid? Sure. But my parents would shut me up real quick.

Why does anyone want one of these??? They're insufferable.

There is always discussion of the effects of having kids too young but I think having kids "too late" is also ass

By the time that kid is 18, you will be in your 50s. Do you really wanna deal with teenage/young adult shit by that time? And its even worse when you have a kid at 40.

Youre gonna retire while your young adult child is figuring out life. You no longer have the time and energy to run after them and help them the way you could.

Then soon enough they will have to think about taking care of you in your old age.

Idk just seems like shit

fuck all that noise.

I’m hesitant to post about this because I don’t want someone to find the creator and send hate their way but… I just came across a video on Tik tok of a doctor talking about how residency and being a mother at the same time is really not compatible.

She told a story about she when she was a senior resident after a shift she was call back in to assess a patient (a mom and baby) At the time she was on her way to pick up her one year old from daycare but said yes to coming back in for this one patient. She picks up her kid and brings them with her. Daycare is closing for the day so it’s not option to leave him there for another hour or so. Husband is out of town too.

She gets back to the hospital and brings her one year old into the room with the patient! She claims that she asked the patient if that was ok and the patient said she that’s absolutely fine. She assess the patient while she has her baby on her hip.

She then explains that the hospital has a website portal where patients, hospital staff. Etc. can report things anonymously. Someone reported this as a HIPAA violation and she didn’t really get in trouble but was told not to do it again.

I’m posting about this on here because on the comments and the creator seems to think that it’s stupid that she was reported for this. While I don’t think it’s a hipaa violation, am I crazy to think that this was absolutely inappropriate for her to do? All the comments were saying how sorry they were for her and how her coworkers should have had her back. I dont work in the healthcare industry so maybe this is normal and acceptable?? But if I was a patient and a doctor or nurse came in with their kid I would be like wtf and I would probably also be reporting them or asking for a different doctor.

Curious on what everyone thinks about this, especially those of you who work in healthcare.