r/childfree

I am childfree for many reasons, but one of them is because I think that pregnancy would ruin my body. I used to think that if one were to have a baby, your body would more or less go back to being how it used to be in time. Maybe your boobs were a little bigger, but you’d be more or less the same. This was my mum’s experience, and she had three kids. She was also naturally skinny. 

Well, lo and behold, I was totally shocked when I started seeing before-and-after pregnancy photos and videos of mothers on IG and TikTok. Some were absolute 10’s before pregnancy - could have been models - or they were just so hot it was criminal. And then pregnancy and childbirth happened. 

Stretch marks, a big belly they never had before, saggy boobs, a fatter face, bigger nose (did not know pregnancy nose was a thing). I am not trying to shame these women, and not suggesting it’s bad to have a body like this - it was more just the contrast that shocked me. I never thought your appearance could be so radically changed like that, and PERMANENTLY. AND in a relatively short span of time. 

I saw a post that made me really sad about a mother who said even though her husband tells her he thinks she’s beautiful, she doesn’t feel pretty anymore. She knows she can’t go back to how she was before, and she has to mourn that.

I think it’s also ironic that people would call you shallow for not wanting your body to change or be “ruined” after pregnancy, when as a woman, you have been told from day dot that the most important thing about you is your appearance and being attractive. So when women’s appearances change so radically, and they feel bad about it, some people then have the gall to call them “shallow”. You really can’t win. 

Anyway, I think if more people knew how much pregnancy changes your appearance irreparably, then way fewer women would be on the fence about it. That’s one of the few good things about social media, at least. It provides a window into the process.

Me, after seeing that shit, no way, uh uh. Just one of the many reasons I choose to be childfree 🙌🏻

,,he looks like his grandpa, no he looks like his aunt" he looks like a boiled potato that's all he looks like. Idk where i heared this phrase, probaly from some reel but what's with these people glazing babies fresh out of the vagina. They're not even cute, people love to act so bad, we all know all babies are chopped.

Just ranting. I have a friend who ive known since we were like 13. We went through some rough shit but eventually she got married and had a son. They didnt plan it but he wasnt unwanted. I kept in touch and recently went to hang out with her after not seeing her for about a year.

We were drinking and it came up, I told her ive thought a lot about it and decided I dont want them. I have a niece that I absolutely adore, but it also solidified my choice to not have any. When I told her, she goes "no, you're lying. You're lying! You will change your mind i know you. I know you and you want kids and to get married. I tried to explain that i don't want either, for so many reasons. Thats not to say I dont want a long term partner, but I don't want to get married or have kids. This went on for like an hour. She still thinks im "lying" and secretly want kids. I absolutely do not. But to sit there and argue with me over MY OWN CHOICE and trying to tell me it's bc you've known me for over 20 years? I said i feel like youre mad bc im choosing not to do this and you never felt like you had that option. She kept going on and on about how she knows me and I definitely want them im just lying about it. So fucking irritating 🙄

And fuck me it's like McDonald's!

There's two women near me who have 3 kids with them and they are screaming, flauhinf the toilets, running around causing havoc. The moms? Well, y'know, they're trying - by sitting there talking rubbish and ignoring them. Inconsiderate pricks.

Why on earth would anyone want a kid? It is literally hell to spend a Saturday afternoon like that. Urgh. And why can't modern "parents" just put their foot down and put them in their place?

Before I was fully CF I decided I didn’t want my own kids, but that I was fine with dating someone who has kids. Well as time went on I was realizing that if I date a guy with kids he was going to expect me to pay for some of the household expenses and pour a bunch of time and money into raising the kids. As time went on I realized that this is a pretty raw deal given that it seems I’d be investing a ton into kids that aren’t even mine.

Not really sure if I’m explaining this well. But I’m wondering if anyone else has noticed that it seems a lot of single parents are dating because they want help with their kids in some way or form. They say it’s under the guise of wanting someone to share life with, but at the same time they will expect someone to help them with their kids by paying for living expenses and taking part in the child rearing.

Has anyone else experienced this?

As women who don’t want children, I feel like we often have less societal pressure to settle down by a certain age. We have the freedom to take our time and be intentional about who we choose to spend our lives with.
So I’m curious: Did you keep dating until you found someone who genuinely checked all your boxes, or did you eventually decide that the qualities your partner did have outweighed the ones they lacked?
For those who compromised, what did you compromise on, and how did you decide it was worth it? Were these things you could live without, or did you learn that some of your original requirements weren’t as important as you thought?
And for those who didn’t compromise on their core requirements, how long did it take you to find your person?
I’d love to hear honest answers, especially from women who are happy in their relationships. I’m trying to understand the difference between healthy compromise and settling when you have the luxury of not feeling pressured to partner up on a timeline. ❤️

It's so great knowing you'll never have to deal with a screaming baby or change their diapers. Never have to worry about any temper tantrums or dropping them off and picking them up at school. Never have to worry about raising a rebellious teenager. Never have to worry about sacrificing your time and life just to take care of someone else.

I really can't understand why anyone would ever choose to put themselves through this. I mean I guess I "get it" but I really don't lol. Most people I see out and about with kids look absolutely miserable. You can tell most of them are just at their wits end. Yelling at their kids just for asking for a snack in the grocery store or doing other things that kids just do. Like damn if you were going to be mean to them why did you have them in the first place? I think a lot of parents, probably around half or more secretly regret it, but will never admit it.

Deciding to never have kids is just such a freeing feeling. I can do whatever I want whenever I want, and keep all my money and time for myself. I get to be as selfish as I want and not worry about the effect it may have on someone else. I can focus on my career and my health without worrying about anything else getting in the way. I know for a fact I would be absolutely miserable if I had even one kid.

The thing that makes me laugh is the people that can't just accept the fact you don't want them. I hear things all the time like, "well if you do have them it could be the one thing that really changes your life!" Yea, changes my life for the worst lol. For some reason it seems like the only thing that some people just can't accept your opinion on. Anything else people can understand, but when you tell them you don't want kids, have never wanted kids, and will definitely never have any, they look at you like you're crazy or something. And they actually try to change your mind too. I think deep down they're actually jealous of us and want us to be miserable too.

I think people who choose to have kids or say that they want them in the future are crazy, but you don't ever see me trying to change their opinion on it. I'll just let them figure out for themselves if they're really built for that life or not, it's none of my business.

For context: I don’t live in the US. Also sorry if my rant is dumb and kind of childish, I feel crazy for being bothered by this

I'm older Gen Z and, due to personal circumstances, live with my parents in my childhood home, in a gated middle-class neighborhood. Every house has a small, unfenced front yard, but people generally understand that someone else's garden isn't public property.

We have a blackberry tree in our front yard that my parents planted for me when we moved in. It's my favorite tree. I love making juice with the berries, and it attracts birds and other little animals that I enjoy watching while I work.

I've never had an issue with people grabbing a berry or two while walking past. When I was younger, neighbors and their kids would even knock and ask if they could pick some. No problem, I’m not the female version of that old guy from Monster House.

But over the past five years, the newer families in the neighborhood have become increasingly obnoxious. Kids regularly walk into our yard, climb onto our bench, yank branches, and trample flowers to grab berries. My parents have had to scold them more than once.

A few days ago, I woke up to children fucking screeching and a woman laughing loudly outside my window. It wasn't even 8 AM. I sometimes work late into the night, so I was already pissed about being woken up. Then I realized the noise was coming from our garden.

Some woman in her mid-30s had brought her FOUR small kids and a large basket to help themselves to our blackberries. They were pulling at the tree, her brats were even ripping leaves off and acting like our yard was an extension of their house.

Mind you, we'd had storms for several days, so I hadn't even gotten the chance to harvest any berries myself. Most of the ripe ones had already fallen or been eaten by birds.

I loudly opened my blinds, they are those that make a lot of noise, and the woman immediately realized she was being watched. Suddenly, she started this ridiculous performance of "scolding" her kids, loudly announcing how terrible she felt about not asking the homeowners first and telling them to hurry up, laughing nervously and loudly like an idiot. She didn’t  even stop, just grabbed as many berries as she could, dumped them into her basket, and rushed off with her whining children. I even heard her telling them she'd find ANOTHER house with a fruit tree so they could take some from there. So apparently this wasn't even a one-time thing. This woman was literally taking her kids around the neighborhood to raid people's gardens.

And I’m in the wrong for being upset over it.

When I complained to family and friends, I got told I was being cruel and unreasonable because "they're just kids". Some of them even brought up the fact that I don't like children, as if that automatically invalidates every complaint I make about their behavior. Even my parents who have witnessed this kind of thing more than once told me I was being dramatic and bitter.

I'm so fucking tired of this. Apparently, because I don't particularly enjoy being around kids, I'm incapable of having a legitimate grievance involving them. No matter what happens, I'm just the bitter childfree woman being mean to some poor innocent mommy and her precious babies.

For fuck’s sake. She could've knocked. She could've asked. Would I have told her no? Yeah of course, it wasn’t even 8 AM yet. But she could've used the opportunity to teach her children basic manners and respect for other people's belongings. Instead, she taught them to grab whatever they want and run off when someone notices.

And before anyone brings up the possibility that they needed food, this is a comfortable middle-class neighborhood. Nothing about the situation suggested desperation. She even brought a basket specifically to collect fruit from other people's yards.

I grew up playing outside with the neighborhood kids all day, and we NEVER entered someone's property without permission, my mom would've killed me if I did lol. It really isn't that difficult a concept.

I'm beyond sick of entitled parents treating the entire neighborhood like their children's personal playground, and I'm even more sick of people acting like disliking kids means I have to tolerate whatever bullshit they or their parents pull. If I could, I would've make a complaint, or put up a sign, but knowing the country I live in, I just know I would be treated like a crazy person

Have you ever been strongly pressured into something that turned out to be a scam or overhyped, only to end up being blamed and shamed for your choice?

All they wanna do is talk about their kids, show pictures, and stories of their children. Spend all their time with their children.

Idk "back in my day," kids were told to go entertain themselves when adults got together. Not anymore. Every adult has to participate in the minute by minute interests of a child.

I’m 33F South Asian American and any partner I ever liked has wanted children. I am conventionally attractive. I only met 1 guy who was actually childfree but we were incompatible on other fronts. He also has an autistic sibling who he would ultimately become caregiver for. The men in their 20s all have wanted kids. I’ve dated older and the 43 (had 2 adult kids) and 46 year olds have wanted kids. I dated a 58 year old and he was open to having more kids if I wanted!!!!!!

My only options are divorced dads, younger men who want to waste my time as fwb to later meet someone who wants kids, men who are not interested in settling down, and older men with older kids who I am not attracted to. The other pool which is obviously not an option is married fkn men with kids who pretend they’re single! They think being with a cf woman is great because she won’t have a clock ticking for kids so she won’t apply pressure.

I’ve been dating since I was like 17. My first LTR is married (high school). 2nd LTR (5 yrs) engaged and 3rd LTR (2 yrs) has a girlfriend.

Me? I stopped dating. Men have not respected my boundaries around this topic and I don’t have it in me to fight or try to play games to see if they’re being honest or not. I give up. I would rather just be single than stressed out with someone pressuring me to have kids. They don’t even care about my autoimmune issues, depression and fatigue. I’m pretty, smart, charismatic but refuse to change my mind about kids so my only option is to stay single. 😭😭 Anytime I hear of a guy who moved on after we got to know each other, I said I don’t want kids and he pulls back it makes me so sad. I don’t have a lot of friends either. It’s just me and my cat and I feel lonely. Pretty much all my friends are married cf or not. All I want is high incomes, travel, companionship, intimacy, emotional intelligence, sharing hobbies and a quiet childfree life. I offer all of these things.

I’m getting more and more annoyed with people that have pets… then decide to have babies.. and cast their pets to the side and don’t care about them anymore. That dog or cat love them and looks to them for hugs as it’s always done and then suddenly gets pushed to the side!

Don’t have kids if you can’t give your pets love and attention too. I know it’s time consuming having children, I know it’s hard but people choose to have them and then treat their pets this way. I can’t stand it! Not your pets fault you chose to have a baby!! They don’t understand why they’re being pushed out. Makes me so mad.

I work as a cashier, dude comes to the front, maybe mid-30s. We totally hit it off immediately. We were talking, and he was so kind and funny, spoke about about his life as a game dev and the things he loved doing cause he was purchasing some games. I love games too, so it was just positive vibes all around. I love when I end up befriending customers!!! Had it happen a couple times where we became friends so I was hype!

Then the conversation kinda shifted to how those were the things he loved doing before having children. He mentioned he'd been married for 15+ years and that, before having kids, they used to travel the world. He didnt say it in a miserable way but kinda like a coping/trying to seem happy way?

I don't think he said it directly, but I got the impression he was implying that his life was better before having kids, even though he still appreciates them. Eventually, the conversation turned into a sort of warning. Not a bitter or miserable one, but more like sad advice from someone who's been there.

He told me to keep doing what I love. To not conform to society. To find something that makes me happy and keep doing it, no matter what. To not let the pressures around me change the choices I make and to stick with what I believe in. said he misses being able to spend hours and hours doing the things he loved, too.

I mentioned that I was childfree, and he was so supportive. He basically told me that if that's the choice for me, I should stick with it and never let anyone guilt me into changing my mind.

My heart ached for him. We got along quite well, and I tried asking if he had an Instagram where he shared his game-related work, but he didn't have an official page or anything up for me to check out. I would've loved to have been his friend someday. He just seemed so real and honest about everything. And we joked a lot which was awesome.

It made me sad, but at the same time, I really appreciated his honesty. I'm bummed I didn't get his contact details for his stuff. Seemed all around like such a cool dude. And respect because I could see he was trying hard to make the best of having kids and be positive. Its refreshing to hear honesty and see someone make the best of it.

As a woman, I always hear older women telling me not to marry, not to have kids, etc. But this was the first time I'd had a man indirectly tell me something similar. I just couldnt believe it.

Wow, man. I'm on the train home, just deep in thought. Like I'm just dissociating thinking about it.

In the UK, it often seems to me that the people with the lowest incomes, least education, and weakest career prospects are also the ones who end up having the most children. For example, you might see a single parent on benefits with several children, while many graduates, professionals, or higher earners either have one child, delay having children until later in life, or remain childfree altogether.

Whenever I mention this observation, people seem to react very negatively, as if I'm insulting poor people or saying they shouldn't have children. That's not necessarily what I'm saying. I'm simply questioning why there appears to be an inverse relationship between educational/financial success and family size in many cases.

My guess is that some people interpret the observation as a moral judgement rather than a factual one. Others may feel it risks stereotyping people or ignores the many social, cultural, religious, and economic factors that influence family size.

Why do you think this topic generates such strong pushback? Is it because the observation itself is wrong, because people disagree with the conclusions often drawn from it, or because discussions about class, poverty and parenting are especially sensitive in the UK?

Interested to hear different perspectives.

I work in a restaurant and I met this couple. I asked them, like I ask everyone, if it was a special occasion. They told me that the occasion was that they were on a date, and that they only get to go on a date about once a year since becoming parents.

The mum especially seemed so miserable about the fact she never gets to go on dates anymore. She told me about all the things she can’t do, about how every meal is usually all around talking about what the kid likes. I asked them how old their kid and and they told me he is ten years old. This has been their life for ten years. And it only one kid, never mind two or more.

I kept revisiting them because you know, work. Every time I caught a glimpse of their conversation, it was about the kid. Their one date in forever and they’re discussing the kid.

The lady wanted dessert. The guy straight up wouldn’t allow her to get anything because he wanted them to be on time to pick the kid up. She told me with such a sad expression that she wished she could have some.

I am so tired of every workplace,.coworkers, random strangers, etc assuming my life is worthless because i don't have/want children. Women at my workplace get to come in hours late, do no work, then leave early... because they have a kid?? Their behavior gets excused all the time "because they have kids". They get extra breaks, they get less of a workload. I have a life too, I have activities and very important things going on too. I know my cat is not my child but she definitely prefers if im not at work for 11 hours everyday making up for people with children. I want to spend time with MY baby. This and smokers are the bane of my worklife.

How do you ladies find partners that you align with? Even those who say they’re “open to kids” actually 100% want them. I didn’t make this decision lightly and I’m honestly okay with the idea that I might have to be alone for the rest of my life but it saddens me if I’m being honest.

Having kids would wreck my health further. Plus, I can’t have kids if I can’t give them even a fraction of the things that my parents provided me with.

Most of all, I can’t have kids because if things go sideways with a man, I need to know that I can confidently take care of them. Hell, I’m still getting out of the bondage of being a first daughter in an African household and catering to everyone.

When will I catch a break?

I love kids but even their screams make me want to hit my head against the wall. So, why do I feel so guilty? Why does it make me sad that almost every man on the apps says they want kids even when they haven’t said it on their profile?

Btw, is this a new tactic? Why lie or be coy about it? Do they know that many women these days don’t want kids and they’re maybe hoping to trap some of us or something?

You know what? I’m clearly spiralling. 🌀

I'm so annoyed when people say this. In every single conversation about why someone wouldn't want a child somewhere, the cinema, a wedding, an airplane, etc. there's always people saying "well adults act disruptive too!!!" It's just whataboutism and it's not even true in every scenario. For example for a wedding, you can choose to only invite people who can act civilized.

Also what do they expect to get out of this logic? "You're right, rude assholes exist, so babies crying while I walk down the aisle are okay"??? Does that genuinely make sense to anyone here?

This is something I've never really understood.

If someone buys a car they can't afford, takes on debt they can't repay, or makes other major financial commitments without the means to support them, society generally thinks it's reasonable to question that decision.

But when it comes to having children, it often feels like any discussion of whether someone can realistically afford them is treated as taboo or cruel.

For example, if someone has several children, no job, and relies heavily on benefits, why is it considered unacceptable to ask whether that was a responsible decision?

To be clear, I'm not arguing that children should go without support, or that people on low incomes should be treated badly. Children aren't responsible for the circumstances they're born into.

What I'm trying to understand is:

• Why is having children viewed differently from other major life decisions with financial consequences?
• Is it because people see having children as a fundamental human right?
• Is it because many people's financial situations change unexpectedly after having children?
• Or is it because criticisms often end up targeting poor people more than wealthier people?

I'm genuinely interested in the reasoning rather than looking for an argument. How do people think about this?

There is a young boy, around 10, looping around inside, on a kick board. I'm not sure what they're called. It's a skateboard with a bicycle type handle. Anyway, the bartender just chased him outside. Somewhere there is a parent type person here. But you wouldn't know it.