u/theioneeee

Like I felt free. I have extreme OCD and anxiety so back then, I would try to pray harder, visit temples more, learn chants, and whatnot, and guess what? It only made me more anxious, and due to my disorders, I would try to be as clean as possible before doing anything religious. Shit got so bad that I couldn't even eat the things I enjoyed because I didn't want to upset "god." Or how caste focused i became. My constant anxiety around religion eventually became one of the biggest reasons as to why I left. I literally felt "impure" because I wasn't doing enough, and that feeling still haunts me. It was just so pathetic.

Like If men are huffing and puffing about religion, its understandable because they benefit from it. Women don't have a single benefit then why? As a feminist, I don't even bother with these questions to those people, they'll be ready to call me r word lmao. What is the reason behind this like I don't get it

So I've always had issues with controlling the voice in my head from saying vile things or images flashing in my head that I don't want. And it's very hard for me to ignore it because these specific intrusive thoughts or these images that flash are closely related to certain things in my life that I have always been nervous about, always been anxious about, I have to keep my thinking of the right words to repeat over and over in my head and it's exhausting. Usually, this happens a lot. It is not a new thing. It happens, but the anxiousness stays for like a week or so and then usually goes away. But this time it hasn't. I have never been so drained in my life. I can't even say that I enjoyed a day without these thoughts freaking me out like they can't let me enjoy anything. Anything i like or enjoy, I have to say certain things before picking them up or buying them and it's driving me nuts.

It all started in early April. I don't know what happens, but every year during this March to April phase of my life for the past six years, I've been struggling. I get really anxious, I get panic attacks. And unfortunately for me, this year on the 1st of April, I got a panic attack. And from then, or a little afterwards, these thoughts have not gone away. I will not go into specific detail about what they are because genuinely the intrusive thoughts are so bad, but they are about specific family members and about certain things that I have always been anxious about. And I don't know, it has wrecked my mind. I feel so heavy in my head.

When I read books too, I have to repeat certain words in order to keep my mind calm. Otherwise, if I don't, then those same images and those same cruel words will surround my brain again and again and again. But at least when I'm reading, my thoughts are silent for a bit because I read with the voice in my head.

Yet still, it's very hard because in certain chapters, when I finish one chapter and I have to start the other chapter, I have to think of a certain image. I have to say certain words. Otherwise, I have to start all over again, basically go back to the last line of the last chapter and then go into the new chapter.

I unfortunately do not have access to therapists Right now or anyone to talk to (about this topic because I was called crazy and dramatic last time), and I don't know how to deal with this.

Please ignore any mistakes if I made any. I'm still learning English

Dekho ek baar ke liye I can accept ki maybe mere phy and Chem ke results barabar hai but I can NEVER and I mean NEVER accept that I got a fucking 73 IN ENGLISH. Bhai Maine Pura appear likha tha, novels, lessons, poems, ek ek chiz ache se likha tha, and just 73? I had fucking 86 in 10th! Like tf happened? Jo logo ne Pura Pura novel section leave kar diya unke bhi 72 aare hai tf. Kaise gawaro se check karwaya hai paper?

HSC KI MKC

This is going to be a very long rant, so please bear with me

Let's start with Hinduism. It is often presented as a feminist religion, and yes, it is the only religion that has goddesses, but when you actually look into it, it tells a different story. Why is there not a single fast that is directed toward men? Not even a single one. Why is there no goddess shown with two husbands, when there are multiple male gods with multiple wives? Not a single one. That alone says a lot.

Specifically, let's talk about the story of Krishna. He married 16,000 girls, girls who had been kidnapped and were seen as impure by society, so he married them. But here's my question: isn't he supposed to be a god that people listen to? He literally lifted a mountain with his pinky finger. It's not like he was hated or anything, he was quite literally a very loved god. So couldn't he have just explained to people that these girls are not impure, that they were kidnapped, and that people should still accept and marry them? But no, the whole damn solution was to just marry the girls himself. What the hell is that? What is the meaning of this action?

Now let's talk about Islam. I think this one disturbs me the most out of all the religions I'm going to talk about. This religion straight up promotes pedophilia and the disgusting treatment of women, and it is still praised. What the actual fuck? Muhammad, the biggest and greatest prophet of the religion, married a six-year-old girl. And that is just... accepted? People do talk about it, but mostly to defend it. Some people I've met deny it ever happened. Others have told me she was actually 18, but what does that change? A 50-year-old man going after an 18-year-old does not make it less problematic. It's not a switch that turns at 18 and you suddenly become a fully mature adult. You're still a kid.

And when this religion preaches about morality, it genuinely baffles me. What the hell are you building your morality on?

Then there's the four wives thing, which is well known. A man in this religion is allowed to have four wives in this life, and after he dies, he gets a huge number of virgins in paradise as well. And what do women get? Nothing. A woman's hair is seen as immodest, in a religion that talks about morality. Are you serious?

Now, Christianity. I want to say that Indian Christianity, in my opinion, is not as bad as Christianity in other parts of the world, and I'm genuinely thankful for that. In fact, I feel bad for some Indian Christians because they are actually peaceful people who are treated horribly in India. I'm not saying they're innocent by any standard, Christianity is messed up in its own ways, but the specific points I'm going to make here are from outside India, because I personally haven't seen Indian Christians be as extreme.

The big thing I want to talk about with Christianity, specifically American Christianity, is abortion. They see it as such a cruel thing, while their own government is bombing children in other countries and they don't bat an eye. But they want to talk about how fetuses are human beings who are being killed. They have no medical knowledge, and honestly, a lot of them have no real knowledge of their own book either. You'll see so many people just confidently yapping about things they genuinely don't understand. They think being LGBTQ is a disease. They think darker-skinned people are not fully human.

So where the hell is their morality?

I'm shocked. Like mai to avg student hu, mera to chalta hai but bc mere friends jo top marte the class mai unke at most 70 ya 69 aaye hai

Literally mekko itna dar lag raha hai it's not even funny anymore. Kya karu bhai jo tension kaam ho. Pre boards mai itna bekar result tha ki Sara confidence down hogaya hai. I'm genuinely fucking scared 😟

DAR LAG RA HAI MEKKO