r/AskIndianFeminists

I do not see any reason why we have to pretend like we respect all cultures, religions, traditions etc. etc. because most of these are so problematic and misogynistic. I do not care if your culture is old and has suffered or not, if it is misogynistic, it is absolute trash.

TW:mentions of self harm/death.

Long post ahead

Ya'll know a few months back when there were these cases consistently popping up about women k*lling their husbands and people were talking about "Blue Drum treatment."

Istg, i heard more than enough concerned parents who were worried for their son's life. They were worried about getting him married at all. Many uncles said, ' i don't want my son to get married and d*e. He is good as is."

Where are these parents now when the dowry cases are getting the short spanned limelight of instagram attention (despite being a systematic failure for centuries.)???

Huh? I didn't hear a single middle aged man 'joking' how he is scared to get his daughter married off because of all this.

I heard 'caring mothers' are telling their daughters to come back home in case of any mishap, and that they will always take her back. Which sounds nice and necessary but is also, not making much of a difference imo. Because you tell your daughters that they will always have your support and then you go ahead and mock divorced women or 'older' unmarried women, calling them cursed an witchy in front of the same daughters. Those women know what's in store for them if they try to get divorced.

In the case of guys, parents were ready to have an unmarried son**, but unmarried daughters?!?! Who are more likely to de because of how normalised this systematic abuse is?????*

NO GIRL YOU WILL GET MARRIED ANYHOW AND EVEN THOUGH WE WILL BE THERE TO 'TAKE YOU BACK', WE WILL TELL YOU THAT YOU MUST ADJUST!

The social stigma around divorce, is unfortunately much worde than its for dowry. THAT is the reason of this systematic collapse.

PS: I don't know if my point was clear enough, I was just exhausted of all the jokes about how wives kill their husbands and then utter silence after the dowry deaths.

I don't understand why I feel mentally I'm unable to restart life because of my age and precious fears and failures. It's like I'm not even putting effort in anything and before doing something, I just accept defeat mentally. It's like I don't understand how to believe in myself and stick to the mental pressure or effort that life requires because having resiliency is so important.

It's like imagine doing pushups and it starts feeling difficult after few pushups and you automatically give up which leads to self frustrations and mood off. This is exactly how I'm feeling everyday.

"BuT ThESe aRe GifTs"

Heard this many times from people I knew who gave or received dowry. The recent example being my own uncle, first of all what is their obsession with being the boy's parents?? Aka "Ladke wale" ew

He was talking about how he strictly said no to dowry, I was like oh yeah that's-

Nah...he later added "Par vo ladki wale hai, apni beti ko financial support dene ke liye kuch accha hi bhejenge"

My broken translation of this sentence- "But they are the bride's side, ofc they will send their daughter with good stuff for her financial support"

Meaning he knows that the bride's family is gonna send a lot of stuff so ofc they HAVE to accept it right?? Bruh. This is making me scared of marrying in India honestly 🫠.

This has happened too many times in my family, love marriage or not they are always expecting the bride side to give them something. My cousin sister in law didn't come from a good financially stable family hence gave very little while the other cousin sister in law "gifted" a car so they treat her better than the other one. LIKE F YOU ALL I AM NOT GONNA MARRY IN THIS COUNTRY.

WE ARE NEVER GETTING RID OF IT

A big rant... Pls read till the end.

I was thinking about how all religion, culture, and marriage specifically are so misogynistic. I feel marriage is made to benefit men. Of course, there are a couple who genuinely love and support each other, and it is so good, but also rare, as it has started happening recently, and still a lot of marriages are based solely on sexist roles set by society, like the woman will clean and the man will do the job thing.

Anyways, to the point... as I said, I know everything is very misogynistic in many aspects. But, when it comes to wedding rituals and marriage altogether, I think Hindu weddings take the cake. I am not well-versed in other cultures' wedding rituals; I have a fair idea of Christian and Muslim weddings. And I think the Hindu Marriage/wedding rituals are so, so, so male-centric. The primary reason for me not to marry is how marriage is seen in Hinduism. It is a union of two souls... what a BS. Because of this thinking, taking divorce has become such a taboo and difficult thing. Because of this, people get stuck in marriage, have to compromise and sacrifice, agree to everything, even to evil like dowry (even from the women's side), just so their kids can get married, as it is supposed to be the ultimate life goal. People who want to get a divorce, are in the process, or have gotten a divorce, as seen with such filthy eyes as if they have sinned more harshly than murder. Just bring up divorce and see how they react. Even in serials or movies, divorce is shown as such a serious thing. Like, chill. People marry and then divorce because they aren't compatible anymore or because there is so much abuse. Why make both marriage and divorce such serious life choices that it is the end, or a person perishes?

Apart from divorce, the rituals... dowry, Kanya dan (please, my blood boils hearing this word. Can culture can please stop objectifying us), the vows that priests chants (I remember I was 15 when I heard vows that priest chanted for my cousin's wedding​ and even when I didn't know the concept of feminism, I hated hated hated everything word coming out of his mouth), bride going to groom's house, has to stay with his family, wear mangalsutra, sindoor, first Rasoi...everything is so regressive. And these functions go on for so long... it may seem fun to the people not directly involved, but the burden largely falls on the bride's side. Especially, because the groom's side has a superiority complex (that society gives because he is a man. Wow)... that the bride's side becomes so submissive and tries to impress them so they don't get upset. Groom's side will make the bride's side go through hell, but no....groom's family should feel like a God. Every damn thing about marriage... I HATE IT. So so so patriarchal. So suffocating. I will never submit to rituals like these.

I don't want to get married... but if I do, I will find a man who matches my mindset (if there is one) and, for sure, won't marry as per Hindu rituals. Will Never. I refuse to follow these sexist rituals.

Women’s safety in India has become a national emergency, yet people are still treating it like just another news headline. Every single day women face rape, molestation, sexual harassment, domestic violence, dowry torture, acid attacks, online blackmailing and abuse, while the system keeps failing them again and again. According to NCRB data, more than 4.4 lakh crimes against women are reported every year in India, including tens of thousands of rape and dowry cases, and these are only the reported numbers. We are literally discussing if martial rape is considered rape pe not. How many more women have to suffer before this country finally wakes up?

Every time a brutal case happens, politicians give speeches, people post stories for a few days, the media debates it, and then everything becomes silent again while criminals walk freely because of delayed justice, weak investigations, political protection and a broken system. Why are we accepting this? Why are people still silent when women are not even safe in their own homes, colleges, workplaces, streets or online spaces? Why should women live in fear every single day while rapists and abusers continue living normally?

Enough is enough. This issue is bigger than politics, religion, caste or gender wars. This is about basic human rights and human safety. People need to stop limiting their anger to social media comments and start coming out on the roads, protesting, questioning the government, questioning the judiciary, demanding faster trials, stricter accountability and real action. History has shown that governments only react when public pressure becomes impossible to ignore. Silence will not protect women. Ignoring the problem will not stop the crimes. If citizens do not continuously raise their voices and demand change, nothing will change.