r/AskIndianFeminists

The premise is this, that the system of arranged marriages is a breeding ground for sexual assault and marital rape. This is a strong statement I make on a fundamental basis that sexual personality is the most complex and fragile part of a human both men and women.

There is almost no scope of discovering libido & sexual compatibility even in today's semi-arranged marriage kind of setup.The entire concept itself starts with religion, caste, money, status, power, affluence, class and a bunch of other superficial concepts.

When parents pressurise females in this kind of setup and think that they know so much about life and make decisions and coerce women into partnership based on their worldview without allowing women to assert their agency how on earth do we expect the same women to assert agency in intimacy?

The husband who involves in marital rape and sexual abuse is definitely a predator. That is not even a debate. My question is who is going to question the parents who are objectifying their own daughters who put them in systems based on every other nonsense except their own personality.

In my opinion this is nothing less than sex trade. The perpetrators are always discussed but it's parents who start this nonsense and they are not treated with the same amount of shame & disgust.

Why is it like this? Even if we ignore whether marital abuse happens or not parents are essentially objectifying their daughters and treating them as commodities that some one can get if you pass their checklist.

The issue is women don't look at their parents with the same amount of disgust and allow such things to happen and the entire discussion happens around the husband but totally misses the parents involvement and their intuition of this.

Why don't women reject this arranged marriage premise entirely and start attacking the roots altogether? I find it utterly disgusting when parents or siblings sit and decide who the women will be having intimacy with.

If women can't start questioning and asserting agency directly in their families social media and progressive spaces where scared women try to find shelter won't be of much help.

Because these spaces are isolated from the real world and don't interact and influence the root cause directly these movements and spaces become a place to vent rather than treating the root cause

Ps: I am sorry if this is sounding offensive but I believe parents should not assert control over fully grown adults and keep deciding their sexual partners this is just gross.

Context: Lindsay Clancy was a mother who lived with her husband Patrick and their three children, Cora (5), Dawson (3), and Callan (8 months). On January 24, 2023, Patrick left home briefly to get food and medication, leaving Lindsay alone with the children. During that time, the children were killed by strangulation, and Lindsay then jumped from a second-floor window in an apparent suicide attempt, seriously injuring herself. Patrick returned and called 911. Lindsay later admitted causing the children's deaths, so the main issue in the case is not who killed them, but whether she was legally responsible because of her mental state, with her defense arguing severe postpartum psychosis and prosecutors arguing that she intentionally committed the killings.

That's the context

Some people are saying that it is the husband who did it and is trying to frame her. But not the prosecution nor the defense is saying to husband because he is innocent.

What do you think about this ? What's your opinion

I’m posting this on a throwaway because I can’t keep this inside anymore. This is not a story I wanted to ever tell publicly. But I need to say it. And I need other women to know.

I met him in college. He worked in Delhi and lived in Gurgaon. I lived in a PG nearby. He would score stuff from Delhi and we would smoke together in a park near my PG. For one whole year, we sat together for hours, smoked, talked about life, aliens, random deep things. I thought we were friends. I trusted him.

After a year, I moved to Noida for an internship. We planned to meet again. He had a bike, so he came from Gurgaon to Noida. It was May. Hot. I had a migraine. Smoking in a park in that heat didn’t make sense, so we booked an OYO just to smoke for a bit and then go our own ways.

Later I asked him if he knew any girls in Noida, just to chill. He called a girl and she came with her boyfriend. We smoked. Talked. Lost track of time. My PG gates closed at 10. By the time we checked, it was 10:30. He couldn’t go back to Gurgaon that late. So we all decided to stay.

The other couple left around 2-3 AM. I was high, exhausted, and ready to sleep.

That’s when he changed.

He came close to me. Started touching me. I put a pillow between us. I told him this wasn’t planned and we should just sleep. He didn’t listen. He forced himself on me. I was too scared to fight. I didn’t know what he would do if I said no.

The next morning I went back to my PG and blocked him. Forever.

I never told anyone like this before.

His name is Ranjeet Natarajan. He lives in Gurgaon. He comes off as a cute, confused, chocolaty boy. He acts like he doesn’t know what’s happening in the world. But he knows exactly what he’s doing.

I’m posting this because I don’t want another woman to go through what I went through. If you ever meet him, know that you are not safe with him.

Please do not mock me. This has been haunting me ever since it happened. I’m not posting this for drama. I’m posting this because I need to finally say it out loud.

To the men reading this: I appreciate it if you don’t comment. I don’t need your opinion, your doubts, or your judgment. Just leave this alone.

Thank you for reading.

It's so baffling to me that women are expected to respect these so-called cultures and religions that treat them worse than farm animals, reducing their value to baby making machines. Why should women be even expected to respect cultures and religions that don't even respect them and don't even acknowledge them as full human beings? "Feminism is against culture" so let it fucking be? God forbid women don't want to be trapped and abused inside their homes in the name of preserving culture. And if people want women to respect their culture so badly then why don't they make their culture pro women, abolish their misogynistic traditions that reduce women to a piece of property, then we can talk about respecting "culture and tradition".

It’s clear as water that every human being should know how to do the basic house chores, however, there happens to be a rebuttal to the very idea, especially among young girls and here’s why:

1. Gendered labour: Only a daughter is expected to do extensive chores around the house, meanwhile men get to have a leeway.
2. Undefined KPIs: ik very corporate-ish, but think about it… how clean is too much clean? Where we call it a stop? If you live in an area that has alot of flying dust, I don’t see it that reasonable to mop the surroundings every other second, same for cooking and other chores. + Rest is heavily villainised.
3. The Head woman/man gets to decide how things have to be around the house: This is my story, when I was young and wanted to help my mother anytime around the house, she used to redo everything because she thought anything I did was a bad performance. Her reason? Because it wasn’t done her way.

I remember making tea for my father early morning and so for her so that she can have an easier start. The very thing my mother used to do was to throw it away, EVERY SINGLE DAY….

It had gotten so bad, that I stopped doing it altogether. She never approved of my ways of doing things.

4. Over performance anxiety: this entire trope of women wanting other women to be uneasy at minute spec of dust or toys thrown around the house is very problematic. The dust is somehow a metaphor of one’s own bad performance and their dedication of household work. But that’s pure BS. Where ever people live, there would things here and there…. The sofa cover would be slightly disoriented, the cushions might be laying flat around. It is very much expected out of a woman to live with this constant state of anxiety to prove everyone that she is actually doing and keeping things together. Infact one is more likely to be shamed if they are not anxious.

I keep seeing this advice that basically goes, “Want your wife/girlfriend to be more intimate? Help her with the dishes and household chores.”

And honestly… why is this framed as "foreplay"?

First of all, household chores are not \*her\* responsibility that a man is generously “helping” with. If two people live together, maintaining the house is a shared responsibility. Doing the dishes isn't some romantic favour deserving a reward.

And secondly, “I’ll do these things because I want intimacy” makes it even worse. It turns basic partnership into a transaction: I did the dishes, therefore I deserve intimacy.

If you're doing the dishes because you noticed your partner is tired and you want to make her life easier, that's genuinely caring and can absolutely create emotional closeness. But that's not because chores are some magical shortcut to sex or intimacy. It's because consideration, equality and actually being a supportive partner create intimacy.

I don't want someone to “help me” with the household because they want something from me.

I want someone who understands that "it's our house, so it's our responsibility".

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but the way this advice is phrased really bothers me. Anyone else feel the same?

I was reading about honour kiIIing cases of India where I've found that in many cases, the parents found those girls only after the police tracked them and give them their location. As per law after 18, an adult woman in India is free to earn her own money and live on her own seperately. Then why are these police still giving them their location to the parents? They know that their parents are gonna harm them after these girls are caught but still these police are giving their parents the location or dragging them back to the parents.

These girls aren't even asking money from their parents. All they wanna do is just to escape from them but still those police are helping their abusive parents instead of helping those victims. Also those girls even aren't the daughters of those police so what would they get by controlling them? Those police aren't saving their family's so called called by doing that cuz they're strangers.

This year, a 23 year old woman died in an honour killing case after the police tracked her and brought her back to her parents. As per the reports the parents paid the police money to do that. They don't need extra money cuz they already get their salary which is enough for them. In another case, a 19 year old girl was killed by her own father after she was brought to the police station. She ran away with her boyfriend and did an intercaste marriage, which made her parents mad. In that case, also the police tracked her and made her meet her parents. She was in a different state but still they tracked her location. They knew it's not gonna end well but still they brought her back to her parents. The parents weren't even rich in this case. There are many cases like that.

There was a case where a young adult woman left her parent's home to get married with her boyfriend, whom her parents didn't approve. Then her family asked a lawyer and the lawyer suggested them to file a theft case against her. It's really sad to see that some people are misusing their power to control someone that too an adult women.

I know some western people whose parents also filed missing report on them after they left their home and those parents also made false stories like someone kidnapped their kids and falsely accused their friends or partners of kidnapping them. But when the police called them, they told them that their parents are lying and that they're safe. After that the police ignored those parents stories and told them to stop. They didn't even share their kids location to those parents. I think most Indian police should act like that cuz it will also reduce honour killing in the country.

I'm not saying that all members of the legal authorities are bad there are some good people among them too. But here I'm just talking about those corrupt legal authorities, who unfortunately are the majority.

This corrupt authorities are also part of the reason for India's low divorce rate.

Why many young adult women in India aren't treated as adults?

Ji.... wtf they do to add ji to their name ? I am against adding ji to anyone except they went above and beyond their duties. Even in those cases, a person has to be just a good homo sapien and nothing else. I mean we accept it but we gotta normalise the goodness. Isn't it a fundamental quality that should be promoted ? Even for survival of a species ?

India ki beti ? Wtf. What are you gonna call others who have done for Indian society or humanity in general ?

India kaa ch*******. Yep. You guessed it right.

So when we see a sapien as sapien????

Giving a bit of background - I'm originally from Bihar. Mere ghar ke bagal mein jo family rehti incestous hai wo. The patriarch of the family treats his wife as a property and pimps her out to his brother for money. It's so sad that women get treated like this in their own homes and still people have the audacity to say how she'd be safer if she stays inside. Also there's a rumour about her doing black magic (which I don't believe in obv) and even the current generation of brothers and sisters of this house who are of my age group indulge in incest. Idk how people like this are real but it is what it is i guess.