r/AskIndianFeminists

This is not in relation to his third marriage, although that follows a disturbing pattern as well, but since his recent wedding, I randomly came across his "justification" on why women earn less than men, so i decided to look some stuff up.

Guys.... He is an actual idiot, who does not know how to do math!!!

He got paid 60-70 cr+ for dhoom 3 in 2013, Katrina, his co-star, was paid 6-7 cr. Granted she didn't have the central role, but I dont think she deserved 10x less money than him. And if we look at their filmographies leading upto 2013, we see that Amir, in his career, has had a success rate of about 58%(that is, 58% of his films were either semi-hit or better)

Katrina on the other hand (upto 2013) had a success rate of 70%(70% of her films were semi-hits or better) This dumbahh Mr. Perfectionist can't see that she is a bigger star than him and her films have done better. You might make an argument that she wasn't the central character, but upto 2013, how many female centric films were being made... very few right.

Now if we come back to 2026, the recent film Cocktail 2 has underperformed at the box office. Shahid kapoor ade more money than the other two lead actresses combined. But if you look at their filmographies... Shahid has a success rate of about 10%, Kriti, while being only 10 films old has had a success rate of 40% especially keeping in mind that she has done central roles in movies like Bareilly ki barfi and Mimi, she is also a national award winner!! Rashmika has also had a success rate of 33%. Both actresses have done better than that oldie guy. What is the justification behind him getting paid more than them combined?

Maybe if A(busive husband)mir Khan had spent less time exploiting women for his own profit and more time learning stats, this wouldn't even be a problem.

Women are increasingly becoming more bankable and successful, they have been amazing actresses forever but they deserve to get paid just as much, and we haven't even gotten to the pay disparity in women who work behind the camera, spot girls, directors, choreographers, stuntwomen etc.!!!

In my school if a girl would sit next to a guy, teachers would talk shit about the girl, they would call her spoiled, shameless and such. Growing up it was normalised to not sit with the opposite gender, to not talk to them because both the teachers and the parents would act like it's a crime. I still remember being yelled at by a male staff member in front of the whole class because i sat in the boys' row. I WAS ALONE and there were only 4 BOYS IN THE ROW.

I was so pissed. I have noticed it everywhere, parents usually don't accept that their daughter can have a guy friend, sometimes it's the same with boys, I have talked with a few of them and they told me how their parents would throw them out if they ever get a gf.

How do you think it shapes the minds of young girls and boys who go through that? I have heard that because of less female interaction, some boys learn about women thru corn and stuff and it messes with their mentality. Is it true?

Speaking from my personal experience, my badi mummy used to do this. Let’s not get into the horrors of what those undies used to have.

But god forbid someone gets to see her panties drying on a rooftop. I have been told by women of my house on how to hide my panties with a ‘gamcha’ or a light T shirt, because respectful women apparently do it this way.

My panties used to stink because of that… I hated it throughout my childhood. Now idgaf, I dry them in open and if anyone has a problem then they can shut up.

it's dehumanizing and superiority complex of men making their wife wash their underwear it's purely patriarchal just because they earn they expect their wife to submit and serve them like a slave even in the scenario where both earn this notion is followed or expected and this usually start and encouraged my mother of these guys who babysit them and then they become entitled and expect it from every women in their life be it their wife, daughter, gf, female relative etc

It's not natural to our civilisation, we have had both the krishna and the draupadis. My life is so joyful and useful after I adopted this mantra 'be each others wings never a cage'

I call the wonderful women I have shared or share love with as Devis, I refuse labels like Gf, Ex, wife, casual, etc

No person has right to control what another person wears, their intimacy, their finances.

We give what we are happy to and recieve what is given with love and joy, no compulsions

And so, my devas and Devis. What do u say? Lets transform this land back into the ancient pursuit of bliss started in the Vedic times when souls drank Somrasa, practiced kamasutra while playing stars. Life is too short for stress and chains aye

It never fails to baffle me how much of a low trust and low safety society our country is, yet there is no decline in the obsession over a woman’s purity.

It genuinely feels like a rigged setup, where it is nearly impossible to thrive.

Be it a newborn or a woman resting in her grave, nobody is safe. So if safety cannot be guaranteed, then what’s the point over this obsession????

Hi ladies,

I have been wondering why India has such few support communities for women? I mean where does a woman go when she wants to speak honestly, feel heard, and connect with other women going through similar life experiences? Like just a safe space to open up, listen, and support each other.

Do you think India needs more women’s support circles or connection groups? Or would most women still feel hesitant to join something like this?

Curious to hear your thoughts.

I heard married women saying "i need to think twice before asking money to husband"......men should pay some monthly expense to wife other than house expense, this concept is very normal in countries like japan, singapore, east asian and southeast asian countries.....but in india women expected to be robots

Hi everyone,

I'm recently married, and both my husband and I are working full-time.

Like many working couples, we try to help each other with household chores. We don't have a washing machine yet, so clothes are washed by hand. A few times, my husband voluntarily helped me wash clothes. I didn't ask him to—in fact, I usually tell him not to—but he wanted to help because we were both tired after work.

Recently, when I told my father about this, he became upset. According to him, it's acceptable if my husband helps with cooking, but washing clothes—especially mine—is something a husband shouldn't do. He feels that washing clothes is a woman's responsibility, and he even considers it wrong for a husband to do so.

I'm genuinely trying to understand his perspective rather than dismiss it.

My questions are:

• Is there any Indian cultural, traditional, or religious custom that says a husband should not wash his wife's clothes?
• If a husband can cook, clean the house, or wash dishes, why would washing clothes be considered different?
• If the concern is that a man shouldn't touch a woman's unwashed clothes, then why is it considered acceptable for a woman to handle everyone's dirty clothes? What's the reasoning behind that distinction?
• Most importantly, how can I respectfully help my father understand that my husband helping me with laundry is not a sin, not disrespectful, and not something shameful? I don't want to argue with him or hurt his feelings. I simply want him to understand that we see marriage as a partnership, where we help each other when needed.

From my perspective, times have changed. Earlier, many women stayed at home while men worked outside, so household responsibilities were naturally divided differently. Today, when both partners work similar hours, sharing chores feels practical and respectful rather than a question of gender.

I'm not trying to make my husband do my work. In fact, I usually tell him not to help, but he insists because he sees us as a team. Likewise, I also help him whenever he needs me. Neither of us keeps score—we simply support each other.

I'm looking for genuine cultural or historical explanations, if there are any, rather than arguments about who is "right." I'd also appreciate advice from people who have successfully explained changing family roles to parents from an older generation while still respecting their beliefs.

Thank you.

So I (17F) have this cousin(30 smtg M) (let's call him G) who goes around spreading gyaan on insta stories like everyone loves to hear his advice.

A Lil background context on him : his father used to be kinda rich with his own business and everything but he kinda lost most of it cuz of G who spent unnecessarily huge amount of money on modifications for his cars (yes, multiple)and also investing in businesses that failed. And now he has his own business which recently got shut down cuz it wasn't working and mind u he's currently unemployed. He got married 2 or 3 yrs ago and has a 2 yr old daughter. He's also severely overweight so there were huge problems with finding him a bride (also cuz of his spending problems) that ended with his father paying the bride's family

So what I'm pissed about is , he makes a lot of posts Abt politics, celebs, religion, etc and this time his aim was "fake feminism" when i first heard him say that, i wasnt all that offended cuz I have seen instances of fake feminism myself and he didn't call feminism itself a bad thing

His most recent story was Abt a female friend of his who , at the time of the 370 biryani situation posted a lot Abt Feminism, he asked her why she was quiet Abt the sejal pawar issue and he didn't exactly go into detail Abt what she replied but he kept going on Abt how "these women" claim "mard jaati" (his exact words) have wronged them but are being hypocritical when a women has done wrong. Firstly, I myself have seen over 50 posts from women Abt the sejal pawar issue , just cuz his feed didn't have any posts from women doesn't mean no women stood up against this. But he went on to yap Abt how "these women" only know how to blame everything on "mard jaati" and then after a 6 min rant he claimed that friend blocked him and then he proceeded to say 4 times how much he DOESNT care (for someone who doesn't care , he sure yapped a lot)

Now's the topic i am most concerned Abt , before blocking him, his friend mentioned that she hoped he won't wrong his daughter in the future and G said that when his daughter gets married to a guy , he will support the guy endlessly in their marriage and side with him.

Here are some more "issues" he talked Abt-

1. G claimed that women complain Abt their husbands not helping with household chores and then he said "if ur husband is hiring a maid for cooking and cleaning WHY THE HELL (he raised his voice) are u expecting him to still help u with breakfast" firstly , why does he think every household can afford a maid? He said "90% households" have maids .....90% WHERE?! IN HIS LITTLE WONDERLAND?? Then he said how men work all day, more than women who stay at home and come home at night, all tired. He said if the maids are doing all the work , all the woman has to do is stay home, relax and give him peace and respect. I don't mean to shame stay at home husbands but he's currently unemployed and his wife works AND takes care of the kid.

2. then G said , mard jaati are simple creatures who do not want much , they only want 1 thing , respect. And "you women" won't even give that to us. He said as long as men have respect, they are satisfied.....I don't even know where to begin on this....does he think all men are the same? Im not saying all men want a lot but i have rarely ever seen men who are content with ONLY respect. Ofc men deserve respect but the whole point of feminism is saying women need respect too.....it goes both ways

3. then G started talking Abt domestic violence, he said and i quote " everytime u hear a man hitting a woman , u all wonder Abt the woman but did any of u ever think what the woman did to DESERVE that beating?" I'm sorry , unless the woman was trying to murder the guy with a knife and he only used self defence , THERE. IS. NO. JUSTIFICATION. for violence (ofc that also goes for women who hit men)

He said that men aren't mad to hit a women for no reason. Again....in his own wonderland.... cuz most of the cases of domestic violence I have seen or heard of are cuz the guy is drunk, has anger issues and is taking it out on his wife for no apparent reason.

4)Then G said how MEN pay WOMEN to marry them....I'm sure there are some cases of this reverse dowry but isn't it majorly the bride's family that pays the groom? Again....his own WONDERLAND. He was one of the few who payed the bride so he thinks men are the only ones who pay (obv even that is wrong)

5. then G said how his mother is the epitome of a wife who loves and respects her husband and how his parents are so happy and how these "gen z" are the generation that has ruined "women's innocent mindset". It's a private matter but....his mother literally had depression( with prescription for meds and everything) for years cuz of his family....if that's his definition of a "dedicated wife" then that's just messed up. He said a woman can go do "all kinds of things" but as long as she gives her husband respect , he will be content (idek why he's speaking for all men but even as a woman that's too low of a standard to only ask for respect and ntg else, like what Abt love, trust , loyalty, emotional support?)

He said a lot more but I'm kinda too pissed to type all that out so yeah....there's my rant....i just hope his daughter doesn't grow up with his mindset's influence and I hope his wife realises what kinda guy he is and be careful

I have despised regressive festivals and associated customs all my life, where the onus of one gender's long life, well being, prosperity and what not lies on the other gender like Vat Purnima, Karwa Chauth etc.
Men still have option to perform the customs along with women in the name of equality but for women it is still a mandate and even if men participate with them, the heavy lifting is still done by women.
Prior to my marriage I have had multiple conversations with my partner on the same wherein I had told him that this is what I believe in, and I do not have a problem in taking part in the customs as a whole, but I would draw the line wherever I feel like. For instance, fasting for the whole day or even for sometime for somebody else is a huge no for me. Similarly, I understand and am willing to dress up in traditional attires on these festivals but if you want me to stick to a dress code it ain't happening. To be specific I was going to marry a Maharashtrian and all of their festivals have a dress code of saree for women. My point was let's be open to other traditional options like lehengas, salwar suits etc.
After a lot of such discussions my partner said yeah it is not mandatory to fast and other attires can be considered too. I was a little proud of myself that I am breaking the regressive cycle to whatever extent and my partner is aligned with me.
Cut to, we got married and enter my in laws who have no idea of our such discussions and like many of Indian families expect, assume and mandate that I will take part in these so called festivals like how everybody else is doing following their protocols to the T.
One of the similar festivals was approaching and my MIL asked me if I was going to do it? I asked her what all is expected of me and she answered this is going to be a pooja and fasting that I have to do for my husband and it includes me fasting, wearing a saree and performing xyz steps. I asked- is wearing a saree mandatory? She said yes. I asked if I do all of it this first time, will I have to do it all my life? She said yes.
I voiced my opinion that if fasting and wearing a saree is mandatory, it is a NO from my side as previously discussed. My partner at that time told them the same and the discussion ended their but I know the MIL was bitter.
All hell broke loose when the other in laws got to know the same and started to make a big deal out of it (not to me directly but in their gossip sessions)and it reached my partner and through him to me. Now comes the worst part of it- my partner started echoing his families words and when I told that this is something we had already discussed, he told you could have at least done it this time as it is the first year of our marriage, you could have said no for the fasting part but could have done the rest of it. I said that if you guys are so rigid about everything why should I negotiate anything? All of it created a fight among us.
The conclusion was- we are not going to ask you to take part in any customs, if you feel like taking part yourself let us know. My point still remained the same- I would want us to meet midway regarding all the customs.
Here comes the next big festival of theirs - Vat Purnima. As always it is their tradition where I am supposed to fast, play fancy dress, pray in different forms all for my husband while he gets to chill in his shorts at home eating whatever whenever he wants.
I was thankfully away from my in laws in husband during this time and my husband casually mentioned that this festival is approaching on Monday and he can let me know of the prep and steps so that I can prepare for it casually throwing in if at all I want to.
I didn't say a word at that time because my stand remained the same and I did not want to get into the same fight. He followed up again on the coming days and I said I will give it a thought and well let him know.
Then after really thinking I came to the conclusion that this is yet again the first of its type, I should be doing it but on my terms.
I told him so and he sent me a list of things, and the steps to be performed. When I asked that are all the god and outdoor steps covered he said yes and I said ok all take care of the rest. Then came the googly- he asked me to fast until the pooja is done. I said it is not going to happen. He said if you are doing it, do it properly, it is a matter of few hours only. I said I don't care if it is 1 hour or 1 day, you should not ask me to fast atleast. And then we spiraled into a huge fight. I did the pooja in my way, but I did not have any feelings while doing the same and I merely performed the formality. I have started resenting my husband even more (all this while many events helped in building up the resentment) and I guess he is on the same boat but for opposite reasons.
I have no hopes left for our future and can see my marriage breaking because a lot has happened till now and honestly I don't even want to work things out.

TLDR: Like many Indians my in laws think that I am supposed to perform their culture's traditions all for the benefit of their raja beta, and their raja is not expected to do anything in return despite it being their tradition to begin with, and my husband is an enabler of this thinking too, causing disputes between us and making me hate these regressive practices a lot more than before. FUCK PATRIARCHY. FUCK REGRESSIVE CUSTOMS. FUCK ENABLERS.

What the fuq my studies has to do with my hair? You may not believe it my school has made some strict teachers the "incharges" of this retardness.

These teachers they mostly target us just because we are in 12th (turns out they did target class 8 girls but they just said "our seniors don't do it, why should we?" So now we are the usual targets.

This daily happens during our morning assembly, they make us (girls with one ponytail) stand separately from our class line and tell us to tie our hair into braids in girls washroom, if there are multiple girls, they are told to tie each other's hair.

If that wasn't enough they would sometimes call us out of the class and send us to washroom just tie our hair into braids.

One of the girls did complain to co-ordinator (academic head) and he just said that he couldn't do anything as she is senior than him.

Our principle changed too (the former principle retired tho she was helpful) now our new principle is a guy just a bit older than the co-ordinator, tho he seems to be working hard right now but we still aren't so sure that we should complain to him or not

In Kerala story 2, Surekha voluntarily enters into a livin relationship with Salim who hasn't yet divorced his current wife. He promises her that he will divorce his wife soon but he hasn't started the process yet. Knowing that his current marriage is still valid, she still agrees to have a livin relationship with him and moves in with him.

Is this adultery by dictionary definition? I am aware that adultery is no longer a crime under Indian law. But, isn't this an injustice to Salim's wife from her POV?

If someone is saying that this is not adultery, can you provide your side of the justification of how it is not?

Is relationship of this kind an injustice to the male partners' wives by other women like Surekha?

Please let me know your opinions

P.s : Please do not take into consideration the context of Salim's POV or his character. I've taken this specific example because it is a widely well known movie characters.

Edit 1: I'm sorry that few are more fixated on the movie rather than the question in hand. That was never my intention. I didn't come across any such character as Surekha who knowingly enters into an already valid marriage relationship between other 2 individuals.. that's why I've taken up that example for reference. Didn't mean to hurt anyone's political / religious sentiments.

I would genuinely like to hear your honest opinions on things like these where a woman does to another fellow woman in such process like adultery if that is the case. If it's not Adultery, I would like to know 'How?'. Thanks