u/akamikasa

Friendships are an essential aspect of every person’s life, though up-keeping them is where expectations often shatter and one gets to face reality.

Myth 1: Women disapprove of other women

Actual Reason: Women haven’t been allowed to be themselves till last decade (even today), they are made to confide and comply a ridiculous standards with which they may or may not resonate. The parameter of approval and validation has been so narrow that a minute slip up can seem drastic.

Also, a woman is hardly allowed to redeem herself (her dignity and self respect)in such systems hence they can either tripple down (eventually becoming a bad woman) or stay stagnant. In such cases, where you are not meant to win, relationships like friendships cannot thrive.

Friendships like any other relationship require some breathing space and appropriate opportunities for each individual to thrive on their own terms.

Myth 2. Female friendships don’t last long

Actual reason: longevity of a relationship ≠ quality of a relationship. People change as they grow, they move cities, change opinions, change tastes and what not. In case of women, quite a lot of us had to discard our friendship (the ones in closer vicinity) in order to settle down somewhere else post marriage.
Friendships that were 10-20+ fall apart once one moves cities. Geographical vicinity does matter!

Also when you club this with reason number 1, the long term friend, with time, seems to feel unfamiliar. Hence, the bond is lost.

Also, speaking of vicinity, a lot of women still live under harsh curfews, they aren’t allowed to go anywhere else apart from schools/colleges/near by stores. How you are supposed to maintain a friendship when you hardly get to be together?

Another thing, a lot of families frown upon their daughters being on phones unless there is a ‘reason’ how are you supposed to maintain a friendship if you don’t get to talk to them.

Confinement is one of the leading factors why friendships die out early.

Myth 3. Women never patch up with their friends if things go downhill

Actual reason: Well this isn’t a ‘myth’ myth 😅, I have observed this happen quite a lot. But what I can tell from my experience is, women/girls hold onto instances a bit too dearly. (Not saying this is wrong)

The reason behind this could be that we project the same ‘perfection’ of morals and duties on our friends as us, which kind of creates a dichotomy and asymmetry in expectations and standards, we subconsciously become less forgiving towards other women/girls who are still figuring things out, because that’s what society has asked us to be, be perfect or be nothing. There is no space to make mistakes and learn from them.

(Not excusing someone else’s bad behaviour here btw, such cases aren’t accounted here)

That’s all I could think of, have I missed something?

P.S. Sorry it got quite long, basically the gist is that there are limited opportunities for self exploration hence, sustaining friendships as a woman becomes challenging.

Friendships are an essential aspect of every person’s life, though up-keeping them is where expectations often shatter and one gets to face reality.

Myth 1: Women disapprove of other women

Actual Reason: Women haven’t been allowed to be themselves till last decade (even today), they are made to confide and comply a ridiculous standards with which they may or may not resonate. The parameter of approval and validation has been so narrow that a minute slip up can seem drastic.

Also, a woman is hardly allowed to redeem herself (her dignity and self respect)in such systems hence they can either tripple down (eventually becoming a bad woman) or stay stagnant. In such cases, where you are not meant to win, relationships like friendships cannot thrive.

Friendships like any other relationship require some breathing space and appropriate opportunities for each individual to thrive on their own terms.

Myth 2. Female friendships don’t last long

Actual reason: longevity of a relationship ≠ quality of a relationship. People change as they grow, they move cities, change opinions, change tastes and what not. In case of women, quite a lot of us had to discard our friendship (the ones in closer vicinity) in order to settle down somewhere else post marriage.
Friendships that were 10-20+ fall apart once one moves cities. Geographical vicinity does matter!

Also when you club this with reason number 1, the long term friend, with time, seems to feel unfamiliar. Hence, the bond is lost.

Also, speaking of vicinity, a lot of women still live under harsh curfews, they aren’t allowed to go anywhere else apart from schools/colleges/near by stores. How you are supposed to maintain a friendship when you hardly get to be together?

Another thing, a lot of families frown upon their daughters being on phones unless there is a ‘reason’ how are you supposed to maintain a friendship if you don’t get to talk to them.

Confinement is one of the leading factors why friendships die out early.

Myth 3. Women never patch up with their friends if things go downhill

Actual reason: Well this isn’t a ‘myth’ myth 😅, I have observed this happen quite a lot. But what I can tell from my experience is, women/girls hold onto instances a bit too dearly. (Not saying this is wrong)

The reason behind this could be that we project the same ‘perfection’ of morals and duties on our friends as us, which kind of creates a dichotomy and asymmetry in expectations and standards, we subconsciously become less forgiving towards other women/girls who are still figuring things out, because that’s what society has asked us to be, be perfect or be nothing. There is no space to make mistakes and learn from them.

(Not excusing someone else’s bad behaviour here btw, such cases aren’t accounted here)

That’s all I could think of, have I missed something?

P.S. Sorry it got quite long, basically the gist is that there are limited opportunities for self exploration hence, sustaining friendships as a woman becomes challenging.

There is this classic discourse on the internet that whether a man should take care of the bill or should do 50:50.

Honestly, I am pro-splitting and going dutch, but the entire conversation and expected outcome seems pretty reductive and the real issue is swept under the rug.

U see there is an uprise among men who want to test independence of women by only gauging their capability to split a bill, it kind of rubs the reciever in a wrong way (and rightfully so) that feminism and independence is only concerned when it comes to splitting the bill.

But not when they expect you to perform feminity, when they want you to be intelligent but not more than them, when they want you to be confident but only as per their liking, you need to be everything exceptional under the sun but not enough than the person sitting infront you, if a woman is expected to participate in performative feminity only to recieve a drop of affection from the man, then men shouldn’t be allowed to cry either way when perforomative masculinity is expected out of them in return.

Right from the burden of beauty standards and this constant mental gymnastics of being docile and confident, managing the risk to reach the place of date to managing the risk of not being harrassed by the guy, who’s gonna talk about it? The risk pool is way asymmetrical, especially in the case of women even before the date starts.

A-lot can go wrong than it going right.

Also, there are this kind of people who would pay on the date and refuse to split there and then but send you the bill once you reach home, WHY YOU FELT THE NEED TO PULL OUT THE PERFORMANCE THEN SIR?

Further, I genuinely don’t understand that if men wish to be on a date with someone who splits, it seems reasonable to voice it out before planning the date, why you have to stay mum till the last moment? I mean the women who don’t wish to split would eventually make your search easier and then you can go on a date with someone who actually supports splitting up the bill.

Lastly, this whole intent to test someone’s independence by their ability to split kind of feels odd, especially when a guy explicitly says - ‘oh you are a feminist, you should take care of the bill’. Like yeah I do, and I would genuinely pay my part but why felt the need to voice it out like that, it feels like a mockery cum surprise test was thrown in my way to test whether I could pass it or not.

If the intent is to test independence, can I make you clean the table or mop the floor to check whether you aren’t a dependent entity or not? Nobody seems interested in questioning a MAN’s independence on date, let alone test it.

My whole point is, alot goes behind and before a bill is brought up, and to be noted, if you wish to have someone who culminated traditional values of femininity, you lose your right to nag about you being a traditional man (who is supposed to protect AND PROVIDE). IT IS A MULTI-PLAYER GAME, why women are supposed to play it single-handedly????

If you want someone modern and independent then also make exceptions for looks, build and confidence. Then we would talk about equality.

If I am missing anything, do mention below, I am open to a healthy conversation 😃