r/ftm

What the title says why do some people even other trans people feel the need to degrade phalloplasty even when it's not relevant.

I get that bottom surgery isn't for everyone but I dont see trans people talk about vaginoplasty the same way. If someone doesn't want vaginoplasty in my experience they usually just say they don't have bottom dysphoria or that the surgery is too extensive for them. Rarely anything about problems with the results or how horrible it looks.

But when it's phalloplasty it seems even trans people can't stop themselves from talking horrible about it. Talking about how unrealistic it looks and every way it's not identical to a cis penis or even describing it as horrific. Would a simple I'm not interested not be enough?

It's starting to bother me, I've seen the results I don't know what they mean phalloplasty penises look fine once completed. Certainly better than not having one at all.

It's grating how easily phallo hate seems to just randomly creep up in otherwise normal trans spaces.

To preface I am a queer cis woman not transgender and I know its not fully my place so I decided to come here for help.

I came across this video from a creator I love and it feels icky?? Am I overreacting? Basically they are dating a straight man depsite being transmasc and are defending it which is fine I guess but then they randomly start fear mongering about testosterone and belittling pronouns? They try to save face by saying this only applies to me and stuff but honestly its really disappointing. (Plus I'm now finding out theres a huge history of them having misogynistic views and putting cis men on this huge pedestal they even admit they are phallicentric themselves.)

They actually PLAN on making a video about the negative side effects of testosterone but I don't think its in good faith? Needless to say I probably won't be watching this creator anymore but I think they read evey comment and I want advice on possibly stopping the making of this fear mongering testosterone video.

I went to college and I work as an immigration paralegal. I’m stealth and being trans doesn’t really affect my job at all. I just wanna hear positive stories about what you guys are doing with your lives regardless of being trans, just so I can remind myself how normal it is to be trans and that we’re really everywhere!!

My wife and I had a baby two months ago, a boy. Our doctor said that she'd have a harder time conceiving than I would so I agreed to be the gestational parent. The IUI session took and I had a full pregnancy. But it really did disgust me with myself to the point where I finally stopped fighting the hunch I've had since I was a teenager and accept that I'm not a woman and desperately want to transition to male.

My wife knows that I've had struggles with my body image but when I told her I wanted to transition she was not prepared for that. I told her that regardless of if we stay together or not (we are still together) I was just at the point where I was no longer willing to pretend to be female. My child deserves to know the authentic me.

I haven't started on T yet. My post baby body is disgusting and I hate everything about it. But I'm no longer hiding to my wife at least.

Hi everyone,
Im 23 years old FTM and recently my world was turned completely upside down. In July, I survived a sudden cardiac arrest caused by ventricular fibrillation. I was rushed to the ICU and just had an ICD implanted.
After all the testing, the doctors diagnosed me with severe Hypertrophic Obstructive Cardiomyopathy (HOCM). My wall thickness is 26-27 mm, and my resting tract gradients are very high at 52-53 mmHg. I am currently on 5mg of Bisoprolol daily to manage the pressure gradients.
Being trans makes this twice as hard to cope with. Because of the high gradients and cardiac strain, my cardiologists forced me to completely stop my Testosterone treatment for a while until my heart stabilizes. Because of this, my period just came back, and the dysphoria is hitting me incredibly hard right now. I feel trapped between trying to save my life and losing the progress I fought for over the last 3 years.
I am currently off work, recovering at home, and waiting for a major cardiology re-evaluation in February to see if my heart has improved or if I can start new medications.
I am reaching out to this community to ask a few things:
Has anyone here especially younger people or anyone on HRT navigated severe obstructive HOCM and beta-blockers?
How do you deal with the extreme fatigue and mental toll of this diagnosis?
For anyone who had to stop T or HRT temporarily for heart issues, how did you cope, and were you able to safely restart it later?
Any advice, words of support, or shared experiences would mean the world to me right now. Thank you.

(I guess this means I’ve probably been outed to a lot more people than I thought…
Trigger warning for transphobia. I’d like to hear some outside perspectives if possible.)

Hey deadname,

I've been thinking about you and feel like I should write to you. No one has asked me to write to you.

I guess I want to encourage you to think more deeply about the life you are headed toward.

A life without little daughters bringing you flowers. A life without sons showing you their latest fort. A life without a honorable young man by your side doing life with you. A life without purpose and point.

Your nieces and nephews, though they love you, will no longer be comfortable with their Auntie deadname.
Your brothers and sisters won't either.

What you will get - A life spent with people who think more about themselves and their phones, than you. A life spent with people who encourage you to hate those who disagree with you. A life spent talking more with people online than in person. A life with fleeting pleasures and no lasting peace.

A life being unfeminine and unattractive.
A life of darkness and despair. And worst of all, it will never be enough.
Your flesh can’t be satisfied. Right now it's not too late, but it will be-

So ask yourself, is it really what you want? In this life, you have until you die to repent of your rebellion against your Creator.

I sincerely pray you will. God does not promise you a husband and children, BUT the longer you take hormone therapy the further away you are from any chance of a life with children and a loving husband.

Take a couple months off your phone, a couple months away from your friends. Tell them you need some time to rethink your decisions, if they love you even a little bit, they will give you some space. And then decide.

You might be surprised.

Also I want to encourage you that a life spent with Christ is not bondage as it may seem. You will never be perfect, deadname, you may even struggle with some of the same sins you’ve been indulging, but that's okay.

Christ was perfect for you, and died so you
can live. Not a life of sexual pleasures and selfish choices. But a life of freedom and joy serving others the one who made you!

With love, cousin’s name

Hello, unfortunately I get hit with this one a lot. Answering “i’m a boy” just makes these people braver and say weirder shit. Is there anything snarky I could say back that sorta avoids answering?

Hi I’m an 18 year old trans guy and my parents are both VERY against me going on T. My mom claims no one knows the long term affects and my brain is not developed enough to make body altering decisions especially if I change my mind. My dad believes in his words “when you’re 30 you’ll have messed up lady parts.” And he claims I should instead go on steroids if I wanna look like a guy so bad and that the doctors or planned parenthood are just in it for the money.This is extremely disheartening to me because I’m struggling to afford T right now and they offer no help. I’m not close with my dad but I am with my mom and I’m scared of loosing our relationship. Elder trans people how are you doing? Are you happy you went on T? What are the long term effects? I’m scared of loosing my family but I’m also scared of not being myself.

We have over 17,000 resources internationally and while that can sometimes feel like a drop in the bucket, I'd love to volunteer some time here.

If you are looking for a type of resource hmu here and I can use our database to see what I can find for you.

I've felt like a boy since the ripe age of 13 but I was never rly taken seriously for it cuz of my maximalist style and feminine appearance so I'd like to know what y'all think of that ! Feel free to ask questions btw idk where to start talking :b

So I’m in school and in my Spanish class we split up in boys vs girls for a game. I went on the boys side because I’m out at school. The game goes fine and well, no one questions it and my teammates listen to what I have to say. But then at lunch, which is right in the middle of that period, some girls pulled me over and asked me if I was a boy and several of them were laughing. I felt really uncomfortable but said that yes, I was trans. Well they started laughing more and I walked away. Now I’m freaking out because I felt so uncomfortable instead of angry, does this mean I’m ashamed of being trans?! I didn’t think I was but in that moment I just wanted to deny it or crawl into a little hole. I thought I was stable in my identity but this is making me question not whether or not I’m trans but whether or not I’ve accepted it.

I am about one month on T now and I feel like my sex drive has significantly increases and hasnt gone down at all. And even when im not horny all I can think about is sex. My doctor told me the T wouldn’t kick in/make me feel different until ~3 months, and im starting to worry that my levels are too high or maybe something else is wrong with me. It’s like an almost constant feeling and I feel perverted and its making me really anxious, is it normal to feel this way so early on and for so long? Sometimes it’s all day nonstop

And my dad agrees. His biggest concern is not being able to visit relatives anymore. My mom is screaming and crying non stop whenever we‘re together. And when she‘s alone in the kitchen or her bedroom I can hear her whine to herself and say desperate prayers. It‘s some overidentification with being a mother - specifically the mother of a daughter - and „sacrificing herself“ to prevent her „beautiful god given girl“ from making a mistake. We were queuing for something recently and in front of us were two (presumably) trans women. My mom looked a them with disgust and said, she couldn‘t leave her daughter to these „sick“ people and my dad agreed. He‘s not as emotional as her but he made it clear that he would never accept me and said if I go through with it I‘m definitely destroying their family.
I was hopeful for my future for a moment because my favorite professor offered me a job as a research assistant starting in September although he‘s catholic and knows I‘m trans. He perecived me as a man from the start and when he found out I was trans it was such a non issue and he never misgendered me. I‘m now scared my parents will find out that I‘m going to socially transition at uni in September. Then my mom will either hurt herself or try to have me comitted in a psych ward or she is going to kick me out. I have nowhere near enough saved up to survive on my own in Switzerland (expensive af) and dropping out of uni is out of the question for me. It was so obvious that I was trans ever since I was little. There were so many signs and I first came out about 5 years ago. My parents haven‘t warmed up to it one bit since then. And my mom would rather mourn a dead daughter than have a „fake“ son (her words). Apart from being financially dependent, how do I even deal with knowing this is how she feels?

If I gotta be honest, this is something that's been bothering me for a while. I finally came into terms with wanting to become a man. I'm 100% confident on wanting T and getting surgery in the future. The only problem that's been bothering me is my name. I have a feminine name (Althea) and I really love it I think it's a nice name but I REALLY want to stick to being a man so I went for the best option (Anthony).

Look, I love both names. They both mean so much to me as a person but I've come to terms with the fact that I want to strictly identify as a man. What's your opinion on this?

for context i’m 25 f and a mom of two. I have a husband and had my first child at 18 meaning i’ve been a mom/wife my whole adult life. I’ve always been depressed tbh but latley things have been getting really hard to cope with. I want to be a man so bad. I have crazy gender envy whenever I just see men in public or in a movie. When my husbands friends come over I get so crazy jealous thinking “why can’t i naturally look like that?” I feel like crying about it. My husband says it’s just postpartum but I feel like it’s not that. I really want top surgery. The first time I started questioning my gender was when I was 13, I remember finally convincing my mom to cut my hair super short and I was so happy. I wanted to be a boy so bad but my family is crazy religious so I just ended up burying the feeling. But yet i’m here feeling it all over again. I feel like no one would take me seriously if I were to transition since i’m a young mom and tbh the idea of my kids calling me dad sounds kinda weird haha. anyways just looking for any advice? I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this, I feel embarrassed due to the roles i’m already in.

hi guys im really high and I read a post on here that you get boners once youre on t?? like you can feel it?

this is so fantastic i want one so bad

can you seriously like feel it go up ? and like would you be able to rub it on something? or is it just kind of another way to describe the like good clit feeling?

I see a lot of trans people at the mtg store my gf and I frequent. I know it's a stereotype for trans women, but I see a fair amount of trans dudes too. Is this more wide speed or do I just have a really cool game store?

So last Xmas or 2 years ago, my dad got me this nice necklace and a showy feminine gift in front of the entire family. It even had one of those sentimental cards in it with the flashy poetic writing of "i can't promise to be there for the rest of your life, but I'll love you for the rest of mine" with a giant FOR MY DAUGHTER right on top.

Now, im fortunate to come from a middle class family. My dad is an accountant, got a full ride scholarship through college, works his ass off. I'll credit him for that. But hes manipulative in every way possible. He's gotten me jewelry in the past, along with my sister in laws, nieces, cousins, mother, etc. No ever really likes those gifts, but for me having always been a "tomboy" growing up, to just generally masc, to now being out as a man, no matter what excuse I give him I get these girly gifts that I end up throwing away and then he acts surprised I didn't like them.

Now that im out to my whole family, he went out of his way to get this super fancy necklace JUST FOR ME, with the daughter phrasing on it (hes never gotten ones with cards like this before), and pushed to show how much hes willing to spend on me (which hes boasted about my whole life) and got a special "luxury mahogany display box with included light upon opening." Its 18k gold.

I dont know why I kept it, probably something caused by trauma growing up and throwing shit away blah blah blah. Anyway, it just dawned on me I can SELL IT and because he was a jackass and got the super nice box, I could get even more for it!

Does anyone have any sort of advice about how to go about selling jewelry? I wouldn't know if people would try to buy it for less than its worth. Online says some stores sell it for 40, online shops say 55, and other sites/estimates say it can be 60-100 without the nice box being included.

Any thoughts would help. Obviously I got it for free, so any price is good. But I wanna milk it if I can, lol.

I think “girl code” is the right term for it but idk. Basically I saw a girl who was beginning to bleed through her pants, I was with a group of friends so mentioned i’d go say something (bc I had to leave them to do so). It was my cis guy friends and they were like bro you can’t go do that, that’s weird now it makes the girl uncomfortable. And like I kinda get it but I’d want somebody to tell me if i was bleeding through my pants. What’s been your experience or thoughts?

Despite saying my pronouns are he/him on the profile section I had to complete prior assessment, the whole thing is a mess of different pronouns and my deadname throughout which is shit. Tbf the deadname part isn't their fault as it's going by my legal name apparently (I haven't had it changed yet, nor does my transphobic mother know who was the informant) but it's still depressing to read when they use it about 10 times per paragraph, no joke.

I'm just relieved to get the diagnosis honestly but the report is a nightmare to read and just makes me sad. Has anyone else here had a similar experience?