r/askablackperson

Where do intellectual black men feel most accepted?

I know how the question reads but I don’t mean that intellectual black men Aren’t accepted in most environments because at the end of the day it’s a you problem. However, in my experience and to my observation, ever since I left college, I haven’t found an environment that makes me feel valued the way that college did. I was surrounded by people that appreciated my critical thinking ability and women who found it attractive. Since graduating, it’s kind of hard to find my tribe in this world socially. I don’t smoke, drink, etc. And feel like an outcast among the general population.

Any thoughts or advice?

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u/LeatherYoung9758 — 1 day ago

Q: How should I respond to being accused of performative antiracism?

I’m white. I want to clarify that I am not upset whatsoever; this is a genuine inquiry. I am not here to be angry; I am here to learn.

So far, I have only received 2 accusations of performative antiracism, but they felt baseless. I like to watch black people’s videos on TikTok, process what they said, and leave a comment with my own way of understanding it in hopes of helping other white people expand their antiracism. That’s what has caught me these 2 accusations of performative antiracism/“not all white people” behavior.

I completely understand why POC accuse white people of performative antiracism because it is very prevalent, but, when I get accused of it, how should I respond to it?

Ignoring it feels wrong, but, denying it also feels wrong, even though I am genuinely interested in expanding my antiracism. I promise that I am genuinely trying to expand my antiracism.

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u/salad_knife — 3 days ago

Question on how to describe someones colour/race in the UK?

Some background we are all based in the UK and this happened in England.

Person A: A British Nigerian male

Person B: A English British male

Person C: A British Pakistani male (me)

Person D: A British Afghanistani female

At work a new starter joined, as part of her induction (person D) she has to go around and talk to various people, who will show here a policy/product/area.

After I showed her a product, she had to talk to person A. I was asked who is person A, I replied with 'he is the tall black man sitting over there'.

After saying this, person B (who was sitting opposite us) said 'I cannot say that, he is not black but African American'.

Both me and person D were confused as he is not American and this did not differentiate him from the other black man (who is not tall) sitting in the same area.

Later that day I asked person A, if he was fine with what I said. He was as he is a tall black man and that I was using it to describe him, not insult him. He also pointed out that when the reverse happens, he describes me as the short brown guy over there.

Person B overhead and reported the whole thing to HR. Who was in the wrong here? / How should we describe people here?

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u/Ok-Instance2710 — 4 days ago

Do you get looks in grocery stores or in public?

Like do people always look at you if you go out or are in a room. If this happens to you, is it always bad? If managers begin following you while shopping, if they do, how do you cope with it?

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u/Diligent_Two6562 — 4 days ago

How to help my narrow minded friend?

My best friend lives 3 states away. we haven’t seen each other in years but talk daily on Marco Polo. she recently vented about feeling so hurt that someone at church is spreading rumors that her husband is a bad guy and a racist. Why did this happen, because they fly a confederate flag in their laundry room and this women saw it while visiting.

I have also seen the flag in polos and made the same assumptions, it makes me deeply uncomfortable and I just assumed that my sweet friend who has lived in the same 50 miles in the rural west was just uneducated, giving her the benefit of the doubt. I don’t know her husband very well. I was in the wedding party but living so far away that’s the only time I’ve see him.

she claims to them the flag is only a representation of country pride and being a ”rebel“ in their own way…? she talks about how the civil war wasn’t really about slavery, etc etc. neither of them are from the south and her husband lived in SC for two short years.

I replied to her polo that I have pretty much felt the same way as this church lady about their flag. And that if she was so offended by being considered a racist then to not fly racist symbols.

is there truly another representation of the confederate flag? is this relationship ending? How do I help her to understand how wrong this is?

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u/Electronic_Bug_5572 — 7 days ago

Would it be uncomfortable or inappropriate for me (as a white person) to give black history tours of a colonial town?

I work for a history tour company in a city with slave history. We give black history tours of the town. We had three black guides who lead these tours, but one retired, one moved, and the last guy went back to school to get his teaching degree. Now the company is asking me to give the tour. While I know the history and include much of it in my own tours (as black history is American History) I am unsure if it is appropriate for me to lead a tour specifically about the black experience in colonial America. How would you feel about a white guy doing the tour? If I do it, should I acknowledge my race?

I should note, we are actively hiring guides but it's a process I have no part in and don't know how it's going.

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u/nanadoom — 9 days ago

Is it true that you can't be Racist to a "white" person?

I live in South Africa where racism is rampant, no matter your skin colour. Our culture holds a different history to that in America, where I seem to run into this conversation most online.

Is racism not just racism? Why is it that racism can be toward Asians, South Americans, Middle Easterns, Somalians, but said not toward "white" people?

What white people? South Africans? Dutch? European? French? Americans? Is it generally speaking or specifically speaking? Does that even matter?

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u/satanfoundmystardust — 13 days ago

YT guy with some dating questions?

​

35 divorced 8 months ago. Just entering the dating world for the first time 10 years. Let's just say you looked at me You would say that man loves some NASCAR. I was raising the South. I'm a bit of a southern gentleman.

I went to a big college in our backyard of my fraternity. House was the black sorority and we got to know the girls super good. I dated two black women to college and they were the only women I've ever had who pursued me. It was completely different than what I was using to. Course I graduate. I move home. I married a white woman with kids. We get divorced 10 years old.

I would really like today a black woman again. It's not a weird sex trophy. I enjoy the natural hair. I think they are the most loyal women on the Earth. I got to go home with my college girlfriends and I really enjoyed that the entire family cousins uncle's everybody came to cookouts. That's not something I experience as a white kid growing up with my family

What can I put in my dating profiles that shows I am looking for a black woman but it's not a weird sexual fan. I have met men who have you Asian women, black women like their sexual fees that ain't me. Am I just completely honest and my dating profile and so what I'm looking for? Or is there something I could say that edible woman would look at my profile? It would be like yeah he likes the sisters.

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u/MajorVonPop — 13 days ago