r/askablackperson

I think I may have accidently called my 8 year old neighbour a racial slur

For context im white. All my family members are white. I have lots of little cousins around her age and i always call them monkey, as in cheeky monkey. Guys my neighbours are not white.

She came running up to me gave me the biggest hug and I said "how you doing, moneky?" Not even thinking about how that could be taken in a very racist way. Its only just dawned on me a few days later that actually, what i meant as a sign of affection could actually be taken VERY differently. Im mortified. I love this family to pieces.

Idk what to do. Is it too late to apologise? Do i bake them a cake? Leave it as it is? Help plz i dont know how to make up for it. Of course ill be more mindful of what i say in the future!

**have yall ever had a nonblack friend where you felt like they were secretly racist or in competition with you?**

i’m coming up on my one year anniversary of my friendship breakup and just wanted to reflect on some things. this girl and i had been friends for 10 years since high school. she’s a light skin indian woman and im a dark skin carribean woman, we’re both from nyc. she always presented herself as culturally aware and sensitive to different social topics. she has never said anything blatantly racist to me or about black people or any groups of people in fact. she seemed very open minded she also works in a field that helps marginalized people. but it’s like she couldn’t stand to see me win or shine. she had other people of color friends who were black and hispanic but she never treated them how she treated me

SOME EXAMPLES:
Copied everythingggggggg that I had or did (mannerisms, perfume scents, nails designs, my favorite color, clothing styles, just weird things like that)

competitive with male attention especially if i was getting approached more than her.

she would always bring up the fact that i didn’t know how to drive at the time and say things like “you don’t know because you don’t have a car”

discouraged me from getting a PHD and asked me why would i need one, she later apologized for it because she realized her mask was slipping and would expose how she felt about me.

very argumentative and would yell at me but would treat her other friends like that.

everytime i confided in her when im going through things she would tell me that im very negative but i had to listen to her and her problems and be supportive

told me that she felt bad for me that i have had such bad luck with men and shes grateful to be in such a loving relationship( her ex was abusing and controlling her for years and she hid it, i knew he was abusive but she always tried to make it seem like he was a great man to make me feel jealous since i was always single and never been in a relationship)

when i graduated grad school and had to complete post grad hours at an externship for my license she would constantly pressure me to go out and make me feel bad for not being able to due to lack of money, tiredness from my 2 hour commute to work on public transportation and also studying for my licensure exam. she would guilt trip me and say that im not spontaneous like she is and would compare herself to me and say that she goes out way more than i do. keep in mind, when she was in her abusive relationship he would have her on a leash and barely let her go anywhere without him calling or texting her 1000 times and she finally left him she started to go out and experience the world.

when i got my dream job and she barely congratulated or celebrated me and didn’t ask me how i was doing for my first year working there. (this is a job she wanted but didn’t get btw) so she would just talk about herself and her accomplishments without asking how im doing when i was struggling with my first year.

I am a white lesbian and have found I have a racial "preference". And I put preference into quotes because it's not like a big preference, but I can definitely tell that I feel more pulled towards black women.

I've heard a lot of people mention fetishizing and that made me wonder if it feels like fetishizing to black people when a white person has a racial preference like this.

And I want to mention that I would date anyone no matter their race, but I find myself more attracted to the black women I know. Of course, race doesn't fully determine someone's personality or how attractive they are and there are attractive people in every race. I think its mostly the beautiful culture, features and "vibe" in general.

I'm really bad with words and I'm sorry if this comes off as weird or racist. I'm hoping this doesn't seem like a fetish thing but if it does, I'll try to figure it out and do what I can to change that

Hello. I am a little interested in Black American culture, I love it. I think it’s cool how you guys were stripped of African culture but you guys still found the strength to create your own. Hip Hop, Jazz, Blues, Tap Dance, Rock music, southern bbq, soul food, R&B, fashion, a lot of lingo that that we Africans use now. I admire it. i’m curious what it’s like to date a Black American man even if it’s just one lol, as an African girl (20yrs). What would be the best way to go about this? I live in Africa so theres none in my country. I don’t want to use dating apps because I find it weird, and plus I’m Muslim. Is there a large Muslim population among Black Americans or are most Black Americans Christians? Thank youu for any info❤️

So last night I was watching these Jamaican dancehall videos of this dancing called daggering and I was quite flabbergasted. A lot of crazy dancing but they had a lot of ethnic and urban flair, literally seeing people doing WWE off a ladder into one another. As I looked in my recommendations for more videos like these, I discovered a video of one of these dancehalls but in Ukraine. When I clicked on it I saw not one black person and all white people trying to do daggering as well. It looked wack. It just didn't hit the same.

But anyway to really get to the crux of it, I saw videos of black people dancing on IG reels doing this dance called a bend and they just looked so swaggy doing it. I tried to do it myself and I looked stiff, but with them even if they didn't do it right something about the way they moved their body around was more like cool and swag and loose? I don't know why they have this property but I'm interested in developing it as a mid-late 20s middle class white guy with a bit of mexican and emo/anime style.

Also as a sidenote I wonder if black people ever make similar observations about white people. Maybe not with swag or dancing but other things. Like the way they have emo swag or something.

The title says it all, I assume the answer is yes but checking to be sure. I say this all the time because I grew up hearing it, I only recently realized what I was saying and that it could possibly be offensive, but maybe I'm overthinking it. I'm working on removing it from my vocabulary. Thank you.

Hopefully this community is the right place to post this, and it doesn't come off as me being an asshole- and if so please let me know. I'll preface by stating that of course you by no means have a responsibility to educate me on this, but I think real feedback from real people might be helpful.

My roommate and I (both white) recently moved into a smaller apartment complex in a slightly less wealthy/primarily white part of town. We've had an easy transition and are enjoying the new place, but the only concern has been our neighbors (the only others on the top floor, directly across from our door).

We share one wall with them and we're understanding about some regular noise, but we've been hearing a LOT of fighting, screaming at each other, and what sounds like whooping their young kids with them screaming/crying. Look, it's not my business how they parent, but I'm not sure if I should be concerned about it or not since I grew up with white parents who didn't even like to use "time out" as punishment. The neighbors are black, hence why I wanted to post on a group not made up of incels/Karens, and I'd like to be as careful as possible to avoid coming off as a jerk or overdramatic about something that might not be a real issue in various other cultures.

Is there a line? What would be the best response if it is crossed?

Thank you for your time :)

Didn't this used to be a place where people could ask black people something they were uncomfortable asking in person for whatever reason, like every other ‘aska____person functions? The only posts I see are white people asking if they have permission to go to black hair salons, for example, or more commonly sharing a story that likely never happened about them standing up to supposed open racists and looking for a pat on the back like they are some White Savior.

Question for black people: is this not obnoxious, or is it entertaining. I guess I could see it both ways.

I'm hoping I used the correct flair for this question here. I've been having multiple discussions in other places, other subs and through some Facebook messages and texts between friends, about what is happening in online spaces these days. Things have been bothering me, for various reasons, and some of it is because I'm admittedly diagnosed autistic. While not always, sometimes I view social interactions as you might through glasses that aren't your prescription. I kind of know what's going on but the finer details escape me. This is especially where I am personally concerned as I don't feel truly connected or a part of things so I feel like an outsider or someone reading a book(just text, devoid of emotion except for what's explicitly stated).

So I want to learn, and the recent conversations have made me concerned that I'm contributing to the spread of racism, hate speech, and general online malignancy just by acknowledging it exists. I'm not saying that the solution is to ignore it; you should absolutely not ignore hate speech or threats in online spaces. What I'm saying is that by downvoting it here on Reddit, or engaging with it on Twitter, or acknowledging it by publicly sharing it and increasing it's validity might be serving to strengthen it.

The example I will use is actually probably my fault, and I think I might be contributing to strengthening online hate speech by mocking it. The example is that of actor Idris Elba. I think he's absolutely fantastic on screen with an amazing presence, and I do honestly think that if he had the role of James Bond he would absolutely nail it. Someone elsewhere suggested it previously and it stuck in my mind because I can imagine him putting his own spin on the character, because he's good at his damn job as an actor. However, I know fan-casting him publicly in certain roles leads to people flipping out based on his skin color. And knowing that, now, makes me very concerned that my actions in public spaces are only serving to make those same online spaces more dangerous for people.

I'm not sure where to go with this beyond what I've stated but I'm considering deactivating or deleting all social media, not to free me from it but to free it from me. If my actions are serving to hurt the black community generally or specifically, please help me to understand and see how I can still be in those online spaces without contributing to the hatred. Thank you, all of you.

I've always wondered this - if I'm doing a karaoke song, is it harmful to use a blaccent? For example, I have done karaoke to Nicki Minaj songs in the past, and some of her rap verses and interjections (yeah, uh, hey, etc) sound bad without it.

Specifically asking as it pertains to rap songs by black people! Any rap sounds dumb coming from my heavy midwestern accent, so I try to match the style of speaking in any rap. I just want to be more conscious of what's acceptable or problematic!

Edit - typo

Edit 2 - I think I unconsciously do this with most music. I try to match the tone and style when singing along, but karaoke is the only instance where I'd be singing/rapping alone and in front of people. Is it a blaccent if it's mimicking the specific artist rather than a dialect?

In my (30f) entire life I've only had one positive experience at a salon, and that stylist seems to have quit. Everyone else, all these white ladies with thin, straight hair, rip my hair out the entire time, refusing to listen to me when I tell them how it needs to be brushed, even as I'm at the verge of tears. So, I've gone years just cutting it myself, but last year I found an amazing stylist and was shocked at what a difference a professional cut by someone who listens and understands thick, clumpy(? Like spider webs how it sticks together) hair can make. I'd never felt so confident about my appearance in my life. Sadly, she put a notice on her Instagram that she would be out until further notice, and didn't respond to my message. Would I be a total fool and make the stylists feel disrespected if I went to a salon that I found nearby that, based on the Instagram page, seems to be just for black women? My hair is definitely not like a POC's. I have had it described as thick, difficult Irish hair, but I know how cringey and inaccurate it is when wp compare Irish struggles to black people's. Anyways, rambling. Any alternative suggestions? I don't want to invade anyone's safe space. Should I just keep looking? That stylist I loved wasn't black, but Latina.

Last Christmas Eve my step mom and I got into one of the biggest arguments we’ve ever gotten in. For context my fiance and I are white lesbians my step mom is black. She was telling me how excited she was about my fiance and I getting married. She ended up asking if we were ever going to have kids. My fiance and I have talked about it and we both absolutely do. I tell her this and she says it would cute if we had a baby with a guy from India. And I say oh that would be cute but I think it’s weird to have a baby for aesthetic reasons. She said why is that so weird. I told her that the race doesn’t really matter we aren’t just only going to have a baby they are going to grow up and become and adult so we want someone with good genetics. I also said it would feel like culture appropriation a little bit because nor I or my fiance have any culture tied to India and no one in a our family does. I just want who the doner is to have good genes (good mental and physical health) it’s truly the only thing that really matters when picking someone. The culture thing makes me feel a like weird because I don’t want to apporpiate anyones culture. Other than that I don’t think it matters. Any way I explain to her why I feel this way. And she starts screaming at me calling me a racist. She said I don’t deserve to have children if stuff like that is such a big deal to me. I told her that I was going to leave if she kept screaming at my in front of the entire family. I start crying. My fiance said she can see both sides. Am I the asshole?

Some data from the CDC:

"Overall HSV‑2 prevalence for U.S. adults 14–49 is about 11.9% (age‑adjusted 12.1%).

Age‑adjusted prevalence for non‑Hispanic Black persons (men and women combined) is 34.6%, down from 41.5% in 1999–2000.

Across all races, women’s HSV‑2 prevalence is higher than men’s (15.9% vs 8.2% overall), so within the Black population Black women’s rate is higher than the 34.6% combined figure, while Black men’s is lower."

Why is it so high? Are Black folks more receptive to the virus or something?

I'm not judging, just genuinely wondering. Compared to other racial groups, it's disproportionately high.

**For the record, I am a white man. I have oral herpes (hsv-1, non-symptomatic) and my wife is a Black woman who is negative for hsv-1 and 2 and we've been together for over a decade. We've both been wondering why it's so high in the Black community. Any info/data/insight would be helpful.

I understand why FBA exist but hostility towards Africans is so corny. You are being a tool to whte supremacy