u/TheUniverse-IsMine

Ive been listening for years and have re listened to every episode twice. I am now caught back up again and need your recommendation for episodes to rerelisten to

What's your very favorite episode to LISTEN to

I think I loved you, I mean it. I can't get your smile out of my head. I can't u hear your laugh. I always wanted you to love me back and I guess I was distant because I knew you never would.

You told me you loved me in 3rd grade. I didn't understand my own feelings but I loved you too. And It never went away.

Yet you fell for a lie that you found more security in than your own authencity.

You thought your love for me was a sin. And maybe if I didn't push you away, I could have showed you that it never has been. You were never scared to love me, you were scared to be rejected. And I rejected you

I wish I never did.

When I was 15 I was in a plane crash. Luckily I survived with minimal injuries and got to see the light of day again (obviously) and am currently working on overcoming my fear of flying again. Ask me anything! Nothing really off limits

I've been reflecting on the way my ex acted.

After we broke up, we tried being friends for a few months but I cut him off after I couldn't move on from the fact he pleasured himself next to me when we were cuddling after I said I didn't want to be intimate (because of flashbacks from when I was SA'd)

After I was completely frozen because it triggered something from when I was s'abused as a kid, I stood up and ran out of the room and broke down in tears. HE then started getting emotional and made me feel bad for my reaction so I apologize.

There were other times where he'd pull me on top of him or pin me down into certain sexual positions that I was uncomfortable with and I would laugh and say stop (because I laugh when I'm uncomfortable) until I'd eventually stop laughing because I was getting really uncomfortable and just wanted to be let free and he wouldn't listen so I'd do whatever I could to distract him until I could get freed and

I know it sounds bad but I don't think he was ever trying to be evil, he just never took me or my boundaries seriously. Like I'd tell him I wasn't comfortable with being pinned into certain positions then he'd do it over and over again anyway and say he forgot because of his adhd (one of the reasons I broke up with him actually)

Does this count as SA or sm? Am I being too sensitive?

For starters, my mom's bf is very toxic.

A recent example: my mom almost died in a car accident and I found half her car with her in it. it was a traumatic night for us both (her more ofc) and she was crying that night, upset because we lost our car, shaken because she got hit twice and could've died and worried about getting a new vehicle.

Upset we were keeping him up, her bf kept telling her to quit crying and telling her it's gonna get way worse and we're screwed. (Side note. The accident wasn't her fault. She was at a dead stop and got rammed with a government vehicle at 65mph as the driver was on their phone)

He's also cheated on her more times than I can count and kinda just tells her to deal with it

He's often slams doors, kinda throws things around, etc. He'll threaten to kick us out or will leave after a fight for hours and hours (maybe to cheat, maybe to drink more, who knows)

Unfortunately, this isn't even the worse of it but I am not comfortable sharing the super bad stuff as I don't want people I know to find this or to get him in trouble.

I have a year left before college and my mom's never gonna leave him so how can I cope with this?

For starters, my mom's bf is very toxic.

A recent example: my mom almost died in a car accident and I found half her car with her in it. it was a traumatic night for us both (her more ofc) and she was crying that night, upset because we lost our car, shaken because she got hit twice and could've died and worried about getting a new vehicle.

Upset we were keeping him up, her bf kept telling her to quit crying and telling her it's gonna get way worse and we're screwed. (Side note. The accident wasn't her fault. She was at a dead stop and got rammed with a government vehicle at 65mph as the driver was on their phone)

He's also cheated on her more times than I can count and kinda just tells her to deal with it

He's often slams doors, kinda throws things around, etc. He'll threaten to kick us out or will leave after a fight for hours and hours (maybe to cheat, maybe to drink more, who knows)

Unfortunately, this isn't even the worse of it but I am not comfortable sharing the super bad stuff as I don't want people I know to find this or to get him in trouble.

I have a year left before college and my mom's never gonna leave him so how can I cope with this?

Some context: I grew up riding but I've never truly been taught by someone. I first rode my aunt's horse when I was five and for the next 13 years I'd go over everyday to ride. My aunt never gave me lessons and the most she did was show me how to put on a western saddle. I grew up country and my family has the "if you can't learn to do something on your own, figure it out or give up" kinda mentality

So I've been riding her pasture horses bareback daily since I was five but knew even though I've studied horse a lot and can confidently walk, trot and canter bareback and in a western saddle that I would still benefit from formal lessons and wanted to try English riding.

The transition was obvious quite difficult and I knew that it would be, but I felt my instructor wasn't helping much with the way she went about teaching me.

During one of my lessons she was teaching me how to post and I was on this super lazy fjord, she told me to encourage her with my legs and vocal cues and I have a hard time clucking so I would normally kiss at them. She kinda freaked out and told me not to kiss at her because that's for making her canter.

I told her that I didn't know that because my aunts pasture horses were taught that clucking and kissing meant to go faster, while leg and seat positions meant to change gaits and she said "uhm EVERYONE knows that kissing means to canter and your horses aren't trained" which made me feel like an idiot

I'm totally fine being corrected and I am very glad I can learn more, but she made me feel so stupid and embarrassed after I was already nervous for my first real lesson.

Am I being sensitive or was that kind of uncalled for?

Just wanted to share a happy/encouraging post! If anyone has questions about my progress or wants advice or anything feel free to ask!!!

Sooo.. a year or two ago I made a post about how I was pretty sure I have POTS but a doctor (male ofc..)I went to said that I'm "just a skinny teenage girl" and I just need to "stand up slower" and to come back in my late 20's if I haven't grown out of it (I'm 17 btw)

Well I went in for a second opinion and I'm so glad I did.

I saw a new doctor for a second opinion and she couldn't have been kinder or more open minded. As SOON as I stepped into the office they did a poor man's tilt table test and I ended up breaking down afterwards because I felt so nervous about being dismissed again. She comforted me and said she was willing to bet I have POTS but wanted to check my heartrate and said "we will figure this out together, I promise".

They did an EKG on my which lasted an hour and a half before they thought the machine was malfunctioning because the results were weird. After like five attempts, they realized it was my heart which is malfunctioning and diagnosed me with a type of SVT (Supraventricular tachycardia).

The way my doctor described it was that my heart is sending weird signals so I experience high heartrate and frequent palpations which cause a lot of funky symptoms. (And it CAN also cause heart failure, stroke and cardiac arrest)

Anyways so I hate that first doctor even more because he made me feel like shit and dismissed me without doing ANY tests but I feel so validated now

I have an appointment with a cardiologist in two weeks so we'll find a treatment plan for my SVT (I might need heart surgery) and I'm also going to be doing a tilt table test!

Don't give up y'all, good doctors exist and your experiences are valid!! Keep advocating for yourself! If I didn't tell my mom I wanted to get a second opinion and didn't trust my gut, I would've lived with an undiagnosed heart condition and no future POTS evaluation!

As the title says, I need advice with understanding and fixing my issue of "anytime I'm upset, the only thing I can do is shut down"

This is a consistent thing. In the past year or so I've done a lot of self work regarding overthinking, self love, body image and I believe I'm making lots of progress but I can't for the life of me figure this out

Anytime anyone hurts my feelings, ignores me when I'm trying to communicate, or doesn't give me the support I need when I'm communicating it gets impossible to continue the conversation. All of a sudden I can't voice my opinion or feelings and just get completely quiet. From there, I need like an hour or two by myself before I can even think about trying to explain what made me shut down

It's even been like in the past if someone hurts my feelings, I'd just be passive aggressive and hope they realized they hurt me. I've moved from that but now I just completely need to get away from the person who hurt me (though I absolutely can go to someone else and communicate just fine about the situation)

Thoughts, advice, ideas, anything?

Sooo.. a year or two ago I made a post about how I was pretty sure I have POTS but a doctor (male ofc..)I went to said that I'm "just a skinny teenage girl" and I just need to "stand up slower" and to come back in my late 20's if I haven't grown out of it (I'm 17 btw)

Well I went in for a second opinion and I'm so glad I did.

I saw a new doctor for a second opinion and she couldn't have been kinder or more open minded. As SOON as I stepped into the office they did a poor man's tilt table test and I ended up breaking down afterwards because I felt so nervous about being dismissed again. She comforted me and said she was willing to bet I have POTS but wanted to check my heartrate and said "we will figure this out together, I promise".

They did an EKG on my which lasted an hour and a half before they thought the machine was malfunctioning because the results were weird. After like five attempts, they realized it was my heart which is malfunctioning and diagnosed me with a type of SVT (Supraventricular tachycardia).

The way my doctor described it was that my heart is sending weird signals so I experience high heartrate and frequent palpations which cause a lot of funky symptoms. (And it CAN also cause heart failure, stroke and cardiac arrest)

Anyways so I hate that first doctor even more because he made me feel like shit and dismissed me without doing ANY tests but I feel so validated now

I have an appointment with a cardiologist in two weeks so we'll find a treatment plan for my SVT (I might need heart surgery) and I'm also going to be doing a tilt table test!

Don't give up y'all, good doctors exist and your experiences are valid!! Keep advocating for yourself! If I didn't tell my mom I wanted to get a second opinion and didn't trust my gut, I would've lived with an undiagnosed heart condition and no future POTS evaluation!

I got into a head on collision last July with a drùnk driver that sent me to the ER and totaled my car. I haven't driven since because I'm absolutely terrified of it now (17F) Ask me anything I suppose