r/ToxicFamilyMembers

Honestly I don't even know where to start. My dad is an alcoholic and it's BAD. It's so bad, I honestly feel like I am losing ideas on where to go for support. Been living here for roughly a year and I used school as an excuse to ignore it but it's never enough. He quit his job, stays home ALL DAY and does NOTHING expect drink and smoke and throw. Every. single. day. And now that it's the summer I don't know what to do. Since school being out, I feel like I need an excuse to go out with friends just to get out of my house. It feels so stupid and unbalanced. Not to mention my stepmom is a weed addict stoner who doesn't work either and blows money which what we should be using on daily supplies on her weekly weed. I'm so done. Anyways, this was my rant. Any ideas on how I could make my life easier living please share.

Very long story short, I’m the eldest of four kids - one girl and three boys. In 2008, when my youngest brother was born, my second brother was 7 years old. Around that time, he began acting out and became physically abusive toward everyone, especially me. He would hit, punch, kick, throw heavy toys, and run around the house with knives threatening to kill me on a daily basis.

His behavior only got worse over the years, all the way until I left home and got married in 2017 at 21 years old. My mother was an awful parent in this situation. Instead of dealing with his behavior head-on and making sure he got help or stopped being abusive, she became afraid of him, especially as he got older, taller, and stronger. He mistreated her as well.

Because she was afraid of triggering him, she constantly blamed me whenever there was conflict. Instead of protecting me, she would ask me what I did to make him angry or “cause” him to beat me. This went on for years. On top of that, she was also extremely controlling over me throughout my life.

The last time my brother physically assaulted me, I was 21 and he was 15. We had argued about something - I honestly don’t even remember what anymore. I went into my room and called my fiancé to talk about it. My mother came into my room and loudly said, “Why are you talking badly about your brother?” That immediately triggered him. He stormed into my room and started beating me - punching and kicking me. By then, he was already taller and stronger than me because he trained in karate.

While he was attacking me, I was trying to get away and begged my mother to help me. I will never forget her looking me directly in the eyes and saying, “You shouldn’t have spoken badly about your brother.” In that moment, I realized I would never truly be safe with her and that I could never trust her to protect me.

Fast forward to now - over the years, my mother has done many deeply hurtful things, but the final straw happened on August 31, 2025, the day before my 1st brother’s wedding. We all went out to a restaurant to celebrate, and I was pregnant at the time. My mother became furious because I changed my hair appointment plans and wasn’t going with her anymore. She got so angry that she threw me and my husband out of the restaurant.

The bigger issue for her was that my husband no longer allowed her to mistreat me the way she had for years. He defended me and held her accountable, and she hated that someone was finally standing up for me.

Months later, as I got closer to my due date, we decided to try therapy. The only reason I agreed was because I was pregnant and wanted to see if there was any possibility of creating a healthier relationship for the sake of my son. I never wanted to use my child as a tool or keep him from family unnecessarily.

However, after I gave birth, my mother stopped attending therapy without even telling me (I had to learn through the therapist we both were seeing). After that, the verbal and emotional abuse continued exactly the same.

There are honestly too many incidents and details to fit into one message, but fast forward to now: I’ve essentially removed myself from my toxic family for the sake of my mental health, my husband’s mental health, and my son’s wellbeing. Being the one to walk away and break a toxic cycle has been incredibly painful and difficult, but deep down I know it’s the right thing to do.

What makes this even harder is that my mother’s own mother treated her terribly growing up, and instead of healing from it, she continued the cycle with me - honestly, in many ways, even worse. That is a huge reason why I feel so strongly about stopping this cycle now. I look at my son and any future children I may have, and I truly cannot imagine ever treating them the way I was treated. I would never want my children to grow up feeling unsafe, blamed, emotionally manipulated, or unloved the way I did.

In my own personal opinion, I genuinely believe my mother may have some kind of personality disorder. She goes from doing extremely hurtful things - throwing things in my face, punishing me, excluding me, and rewriting history - to suddenly becoming desperate to “fix” things.

For example, she purposely never told me that my abusive brother got engaged. I found out through my cousin. When I confronted her about it, she told me, “Well, you shouldn’t have left the family group. That’s what happens when you leave the family.” It was clearly done to punish me.

She never truly apologizes or takes accountability for anything she does. Instead, she minimizes everything that happened to me, downplays the abuse, and tries to rewrite history entirely. Then, when I distance myself, she suddenly floods me with messages saying she wants to repair the relationship and that she’s “tried everything.”

At this point, I feel emotionally exhausted because we’ve tried conversations, therapy, explanations, and second chances, yet nothing actually changes. I’m struggling with how to deal with a toxic mother like this while also protecting my own peace and my family.

I’m freshly 7 weeks postpartum, just had my first baby . And I always thought having a baby it would create a bond with my mom but I was completely wrong since having my baby my mom has became my enemy. She’s constantly bringing me down and when I ask her to help she complains at the end saying “ oh I’m so tired “ “ oh I haven’t ate “ she got upset with me just for telling her not to waste so much diapers , dish soap and wipes and for telling her that it ended up being a shit show her yelling while I’m carrying my 7 week old baby . Her saying she’s not going to help me anymore , she won’t take care of my baby anymore . Also a week ago I had asked her if she can watch my baby so me and my fiancé can get away for a night and come home the next morning because we were suppose to have our wedding on the 24th but since I got pregnant I had to cancel my wedding and now for her to say she won’t take care of my baby anymore so it’s like she’s finding an excuse for me to to go and have one night off ? I had enough of her passive aggressive comments and her putting me down. I went and laid my baby down and went to her and told her how a bad of a mom she is , she’s so toxic , she’s not a good mom . How come everyone else has such a good relationship with their moms after having a baby but yet I don’t get any of that with her . That she thinks she’s a goods person but she’s not she’s a horrible person . My family is so toxic i have a brother who treated me so horrible while pregnant till this day i have not introduced him to my baby to him and we live in the same household. He was not invited to my gender reveal or baby shower and worst of all he can care less if my baby is sleeping he will yell in his room , we would have the lights off because we finally put my baby to sleep and he will come in turn on all the lights start making so much noise waking my baby up . My household is so toxic I have a toxic mother who I feel wants me to have postpartum depression or wants me to suffer they way she did because she just told me a few days ago how she had no help and she was able to manage taking care of a baby with no help and it’s like okay ? But I moved with back because the agreement was you would help me ? That was the main reason why I came back ?
It’s so devastating that my family is treating me this way and my baby . I feel so hurt and disappointed

Hey guys — I feel weird making a post about this because the answer seems really obvious, but here goes nothing. Using a burner account because many of those involved are on Reddit.

My fiancé (32M) and I (31F) have had a wonderful, healthy relationship that has blossomed and resulted in him being a full-fledged member of my family, most of whom live nearby to us. We spend holidays and birthdays together regularly, and recently we decided to spend Mother’s Day all together.

I have two sisters. One of which (27F) has a great relationship with fiancé, and she got us all into a groupchat to pull together a Mother’s Day celebration for my mom. I’ll call her Sister 1 due to birth order. Sister 1 said she would handle decorations, I would handle gifts and cards, and fiancé would do all the barbecuing, so we all agreed and got to work.

We asked Sister 2 (24F) to contribute by grabbing some flowers and drinks at the store. The problem is that Sister 2 doesn’t leave her basement room and spends the day & night sleeping. She’s been struggling with serious mental health problems that have resulted in her being depressed for years now, locked in a filthy dark basement room, and barely holding onto her job. When she’s not working, she’s sleeping. We have all tried everything to help get her back on her feet, but she has generally not been receptive to our efforts to help her and gets angry instead. It has been a great source of pain for all of us and we’ve all gotten into arguments about how to best approach the situation as her mental health has gotten worse and worse.

We also strongly suspect she’s addicted to prescription drugs of some kind. We’re unsure exactly of what drugs she’s using (other than weed) but strongly suspect she’s been taking pills due to some instances in the past involving her physically abusive ex, who also abused pills and who she is now talking to again, unfortunately.

Additional context: she did not attend fiancé and I’s engagement party due to it being on Valentine’s Day, and she was struggling around missing the aforementioned ex. She completely missed the meeting of the families, which was an important milestone for us. She apologized afterwards, but that has hung heavy over me, and it’s basically how to things have been with her over the past two years.

Anyway.

Eventually after being badgered by Sister 1, Sister 2 emerged from the basement to go buy flowers and drinks. Fiancé and I tagged along with her to get some stuff at the grocery store for the party.

In the car, she began to complain about how Sister 1 was “such a bitch” for being upset with her for not helping out. I used an admittedly badly timed moment to tell her how frustrating it is to be left without her help for family events, how Sister 1 is justified in being annoyed, how hard it’s been to not hear from her for weeks to months, and how it seems she’s been resistant to taking steps to improving her mental health or accepting any help.

In response, she went off about how she’s too busy “saving the world” at her job (she’s a social worker) and crashes every day at home with no energy to do anything else, and that we would never understand what it was like to be her. I reminded her that we all have jobs and busy schedules, and she snapped back that we weren’t “saving the world” like she was, and that we would never understand her struggle. (Btw… My fiancé works in special ed and Sister 1 is a school counselor.) I got angry and told her she had Main Character Syndrome and that she needed to get over her self-victimization.

Things escalated after I told her she acts like she’s the only one with problems in the family.

Her response to that was, “I never said that!”

And fiancé — now having a hard time staying silent in the back of the car as she was yelling at me — said quietly, “Actually, you did just say that.”

This is when all hell breaks loose. We were at a red light, and she turns around to fiancé, and basically screams at the top of her lungs — like, Bad Girls Club-style cussing and berating at the TOP of her lungs at him — asking who the fuck he thought he was, etc etc. You get the gist. It was humiliating. We felt unsafe in the car and got out at the red light. We ended up going to another grocery store and returning home.

Context: Fiancé has a history of being abused (verbally and physically, including being called the f-slur) by his father and brother who did hard drugs and kind of used him as a punching bag growing up. So he does not do well with violence and aggression. He’s a very gentle soul.

Anyway, Sister 2 didn’t show up to the Mother’s Day party for a while after that. She was parked somewhere random and my mom was worried sick trying to get her to come home. When she did come home eventually, my mother urged her to apologize to fiancé for her behavior. So she walks up to fiancé very begrudgingly, and mutters that “I’m sorry but do not get involved with arguments between me and my sister.” In short, it was not an apology at all, and fiancé, myself, and Sister 1 are like “that wasn’t an apology?”

This enrages Sister 2 further. She absolutely loses it and cusses out fiancé at the top of her lungs all over again, except this time she doubles down by calling him cringey, asking if he was gay, bragging that she had more testosterone than him, and ultimately, saying she “never liked (fiancé) since the beginning”, that “she doesn’t like him,” and that she was “not going to come to the wedding.” For his part, fiancé lost his temper and lashed out verbally at her as well —cursing and insulting included. I could tell she was shocked because IMO I think people are generally too scared to stand up to her, so this might have been a first.

She stormed away. Then, after a bit, she ran back upstairs from her basement room with a vengeance. She lunged at him as if she were planning on physically fighting him. It got to the point where my mom had to hold her back and I could see the fear in Sister 1’s face as she watched the drama unfold. It was genuinely scary. In anger, I called her crazy and that I didn’t know who she was anymore, which I do regret and didn’t help the situation.

It was an absolute shitshow.

Given his trauma of being lunged at and verbally abused by his own family members growing up, fiancé was shaky and pretty mentally fucked up for days after the incident. He has firmly decided that he does NOT want Sister 2 at the wedding because he simply does not feel safe around her anymore.

When this was verbalized to my mother and Sister 1, they were both incredibly offended and upset that Sister 2 would be barred from the wedding. They think it’s a decision I’m going to regret for the rest of my life. Sister 1 even said that “sisterhood loyalty” comes first, and that if Sister 2 was barred from going to the wedding, then she would refuse to attend herself. This broke my heart, as she’s really close to fiancé and myself and I really wanted her to be there.

Now I’m at a point where I just need external guidance on what to do and how to approach this. I feel that growing up in my volatile family has resulted in me normalizing Sister 2’s behavior in my head and while I support fiancé above all, I’m just terrified that this will shatter our family. I don’t know how to react or what to do.

My mother says everyone “made mistakes” that day that we all have to apologize for, instead of pinning all the blame on Sister 2. She believes that fiancé should have accepted Sister 2’s initial “apology” and moved on, and that not allowing Sister 2 to attend my wedding could result in Sister 2 “being pushed the edge” — heavily implying her hurting herself. She is saying it’s a choice I would regret for the rest of my life, and that Sister 2 didn’t independently explode and would not do so at the wedding.

——

**TL;DR:** After a series of family arguments on Mother's Day, my (31F) depressed, volatile sister (24F) deeply insulted and physically lunged at my fiancé (32M) before being restrained. My fiancé and I exchanged insults with her during the escalation. Because my fiancé has childhood abuse trauma and feels unsafe, we banned my sister from our wedding.

My mother and other sister (27F) argue that everyone made mistakes that day, and that there’s no reason why we should keep my offending sister from attending the wedding. My other sister is now threatening to boycott the wedding out of sisterly loyalty to my uninvited sister, and my mom warns the ban could — her words — “push (volatile sister) over the edge.”

AITAH for keeping her uninvited and standing with my fiancé?

I’m at a breaking point and need honest advice from people who have been through something similar.

My brother is 50 and has severe cerebral palsy. My mom is 67, had a stroke in 2024, and years before that had a quadruple bypass. She’s mobile, but on a cane, gets winded easily, and has been medically advised not to physically care for him. Despite that, she is still his primary caregiver and gets paid through Medicaid to do so. For years, she has refused to let anyone else consistently help with his care because it’s been her source of income.

While she was recovering from her stroke, my child’s father stepped in because my brother had been in his wheelchair for days at the hospital alongside my mom and I without proper care. Ima be honest I am a petite female i can’t lift him and do what my mom does. Nor do I want to. My family and I honestly feel something should have been done along time ago to secure his care before I became of age, were 18 yrs apart. So sorry but I feel this is beyond my control and I honestly don’t want any parts. My child father Since then, has basically taken on caregiving full-time, but he’s either unpaid or barely paid. He’s DoorDashing instead of working a stable job because of this, and it’s not fair to him at all. My mom refuses to properly pay him because she says she’s paying on property she doesn’t want to lose. She also doesn’t think he does the job to her liking.

At the same time, she still travels and doesn’t prioritize getting stable, long-term help in place. The Medicaid provider has given options: either we pay someone ourselves or they assign someone—but she refuses to make a decision. So everything just sits in limbo while all of us struggle.

The living situation itself has a long history. Before her stroke, my mom and my brother lived with my aunt for about 18 years in an apartment that became hoarded. My aunt passed away, and I feel like my mom has continued that same pattern—very enmeshed, controlling the household setup, splitting bills in a way that benefits her financially, and avoiding long-term solutions. My aunt had even wanted a customized home with accommodations for my brother, but that never happened.

Now it feels like that same pattern is happening with me. She now wants her own place, but isn’t taking any real steps to get there. I was essentially forced to move both of them into my space. I only had one extra room, and I honestly feel like she would live like this indefinitely if no one pushed back. She only responds when we speak up—otherwise, she seems completely comfortable with this arrangement. In her mind, she has her kids and she has help, so there’s no urgency to change anything.

She also previously owned the home we grew up in, where we lived with my uncle who has schizophrenia and receives SSI. That home ended up being torn down after she fell behind on taxes. Now she’s focused on paying taxes on land with no house on it, while we’re all still in the same unstable situation. That money could be going toward proper care for my brother.

Financially, it’s frustrating. Both she and my brother spend money on online shopping, outings from adult day care, and trips to the casino. They’re planning a trip to Vegas in April, and during that time, there will be no caregiver in place. So I’m left wondering—how do I get out of this loop I never asked to be a part of. My child’s father helped as much as he could but got fed up of the pay since she would split it w him, she needs it for her bills still since that was her income before.

The situation at home is becoming unsafe. She tries to change and move my brother late at night while everyone is asleep. We’ve been woken up to her dropping him several times because she physically cannot lift him properly. It’s dangerous for both of them. And changes are needed multiple times a day since he soils, bawl movements etc. we’re not always at home to be on close watch and again my child’s dad sometimes refrains bc he’s no longer getting paid.

I also have to deal with constant assessments and people coming into my home because she wouldn’t allow them in hers due to hoarding conditions. Now everything has shifted into my space, and I’m overwhelmed.

I feel like I’m being forced into this situation. I’ve offered to move out, but if I do, she has no caregiver—and she’s already struggling to do it herself. Meanwhile, she’s not considering how hard this is on everyone else. It feels like we’re all being expected to suffer just so she can maintain control over his care and the income that comes with it.

I know many people genuinely want to care for their loved ones in this way. I’m realizing that I’m not one of those people, and that’s been hard to admit. I’ve dealt with this dynamic my entire life, and nothing I’ve suggested to improve their quality of life has been taken seriously.

I truly believe my brother would be safer and better cared for in a group home where he has trained staff, proper equipment, and consistent care. But suggesting that feels like starting a war.

So I’m asking:

When is it time to decide that a group home is the best option for a disabled family member?

And if a parent refuses to make necessary decisions—even when safety is clearly an issue—what options do you actually have

Hey all, I’m male 35 working as software engineer I have been married for 7 years now and my wife is 28 years old housewife and we have 2 daughters 4.5 years and 3 years. From last 5 years we are staying nuclear initially we stayed with my family for 1.5 years. Now the problem is my wife is very very toxic and controlling. She takes control of all my salary, she questions me even if I take 15 mins more to come to home from office. She keeps doing video call every hour or so just to check where I am and if I don’t pick she questions my loyalty and fights. I’m fed up of this mental torture and sometimes I get suicidal thoughts. I’m just managing all this for the sake of my daughters. I don’t know how long I can handle this. Need advice

Usually we hear discussions about toxic mother-in-laws, but what about toxic daughter-in-laws?

My brother was always very close to my mother before marriage (her first child and obviously the favourite one). After marriage, he slowly became distant, which I understand can happen naturally. But over the years, I started feeling my sister-in-law keeps finding faults in my mother no matter what she does.

For example, after marriage my mother never pressured them about “good news” or having kids because it’s up to them. But my sister-in-law turned even that into a complaint saying maybe my mother didn’t want grandkids because we had a newly built house and kids would “ruin” it.

Now they have 2 kids, and she complains that my mother is not taking care of them enough. When she got pregnant with the second child, she even said my mother wasn’t happy with the news.

The thing is, my parents provide a very comfortable life for them. We have a full-time house help, my mother cooks, the helper handles cleaning, and my sister-in-law mainly takes care of her own kids. My father is almost 65 and still working abroad to manage all the house expenses.

Even when she goes to her parents’ house, my mother never questions her or forces her to come back quickly. In our community, some in-laws even fix how many days a daughter-in-law can stay at her own home, but my mother never did that because she it’s her own home and she can stay as long as she wants.

But even that became a complaint. My sister-in-law said my mother never calls her back because she doesn’t want her in the house. Honestly, if my mother had asked her to come back early, then the complaint would probably have been that she doesn’t let her stay peacefully at her own home.

There was another incident too. When my sister-in-law’s brother got married, my mother asked her to check with him for a suitable date for Virunnu because newly married couples usually have many functions and busy schedules. My mother was only trying to arrange it properly out of respect for them. But even that became a complaint saying my mother was “giving pressure” and “creating headache” by asking for the date.

Even if my mother goes out with her sisters for some time, my sister-in-law complains that she leaves her alone at home with the kids, even though there is a house help.

At this point, I honestly don’t know what happened to my brother also. He always supports her side in everything. For example, when their second child was born, he was discussing baby names with his mother-in-law right in front of my mother, asking for suggestions and opinions, but he never even asked my mother once. I completely understand both families should be equally involved, but my mom was not included at all even though she was sitting there.

That’s what hurts me more. It feels like my mother is slowly being excluded from everything.

At this point, I genuinely feel whatever my mother does, there will always be some complaint. So I really want to ask: can daughter-in-laws also become toxic sometimes? Because online discussions usually focus only on the other side.

English isn’t my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in advance.

Today my (18 y/o) sister (23 y/o, whom I’ll call Susan) was told by oldest sister (40 y/o, Lizzie) that our mom (60s) wanted her gold jewelry back to sell it for extra money so mom would be able to travel (I think my mom gifted to her). Lizzie was obviously upset over this and told her no. My mom said some mean things to her and closed the door in her face. Now, my dad (60s) is a very furious man and he’d do anything for my mom. He goes and threatens to take Lizzie to court if she doesn’t give it back. Lizzie tells him that she sold it for 9-12k. He tells her to pay mom back but that’s a large sum of money and Lizzie has been looking for an excuse to move out (it’s looked down upon in our society to move out as woman if you aren’t married yet, and will likely affect you). My dad, mom, and oldest brother (30s) left to go have lunch. My other brother (30 y/o) genuinely doesn’t care. Susan and I have no clue what to do. We know that Lizzie will be able to support herself financially but this situation is shit and we don’t know how to support her, and she didn’t want our help and she’s not telling us where she’s going. I’m honestly really pissed off and unwell right now so this might not make sense.

Thank you for reading, any advice would be appreciated.

Hello THT family! I’ve been a listener for years and I finally wanted to ask for some advice. English isn’t my first language, so sorry if anything sounds awkward.

I’m 30 and currently living with my mom and stepdad in Spain. We’re Hispanic, so living with family at my age is more normal culturally. I actually lived alone in the US for two years and later in Morocco for a year, but eventually decided to come back because I missed Spain, my people, and especially my mom. We spent many years apart while I was growing up (she moved to Spain and let me to finish my studies in our home county for 5 years) so now that we’re reunited we’ve become extremely close. At this point, she’s basically my closest family since all my other family is in our home country.

Living with her has honestly been great. We communicate well, respect each other’s space, and help each other a lot. Financially it also helps me while I stabilize myself again after moving around so much.

The difficult part is my stepdad. I do love him, and overall we’ve had a decent relationship, but over the years things have become emotionally exhausting. He used to be extremely hardworking and sporty, but after an injury, weight gain, health issues, and what I honestly think might be depression, he changed a lot.
My mom spent years trying to support him while also building her own life and career. She now has a stable job she loves, and I recently started working at the same company too. Meanwhile, my stepdad struggles a lot with work and motivation. He drives Uber now, sleeps very little, has serious obesity and pre-diabetes, doesn’t exercise, and spends most of his free time sitting on the couch watching TV while constantly talking about wanting to retire and “do nothing.”

The issue is that he complains about EVERYTHING. He gets upset if he has to prepare his own snacks for work, wash dishes, or help around the house. When he does help, he reminds us about it for days. He often expects my mom and me to take care of him like maids while also criticizing us constantly “as a joke.” If we try to encourage healthier habits, he feels attacked. We try to keep stay always positive but we often explode after he keeps with his bad jokes or criticism.

Anyway what hurts me most is seeing how he treats my mom. She has health issues herself (sciatic pain, lipedema, foot problems) and still works hard every day, but he complains about driving her to work because of gas money or mileage, even though public transport causes her pain and takes much longer. He also isn’t affectionate or thoughtful with her. No gifts, no dates, no romance, and yet she still takes care of everything for him: clothes, food, house, emotional support, literally everything.

I think what frustrates me is that my mom and I are trying so hard to improve ourselves mentally, physically, financially, emotionally… while he seems stuck in negativity and resentment. And every day it feels louder in the house.
The hardest part is that I know he’s not a bad person. I think he’s deeply unhappy and probably depressed. I still love him. But I’m starting to feel more anger and resentment toward him, especially because I feel very protective of my mom and I truly believe she deserves better treatment.

I know I have to move out soon and get my own space but right now is basically impossible for me, apart from this I feel that the only person that my mom has to help her for real around the house is me and I feel guilty just leaving her alone.

I guess my question is: how do you deal with loving someone while also deeply disliking their behavior? And how do you support someone you love without becoming emotionally consumed by their relationship problems?

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I feel like I am losing my mind and I need to rant about my crazy sister. I 43f and my sister 45f live in the house we inherited from our family. i initially thought it was a good idea because we both went through bumpy divorces and needed somewhere to start over. We've both been threre for each other through difficult times and i feel like we have a good/horrible relationship and nothing in between. We grew up together so we also have a lot of mutual friends. While i love my sister, she can be a bit of a difficult person to deal with. She has a reputation in the family of being easily provoked and expolding on you. I have stopped speaking with her throughout my life for blocks of time becuause of this bad quality of hers. She's had a difficult life so everyone usually just lets her get away with blowing up on everyone, myself included. however, we now live together out of desperation and her old habits are starting to affect my mental health. I have tried reaching out to the rest of the family, but no one wants to get involved. I have a lot of sisters and one of my sisters, my younger one 36f, always sides with my older toxic siser. Even when my younger sister knows my older toxic sister is wrong. enabling her rotten behavior.

So anyway, my older sister always expects me to clean up. I try to clean as much as i can. i have 3 kids that live with me part time, the youngest is 6. when they are home, i dont always get to the chores right away because i also work full time in office whereas my sister works full time from home. I still do them, just not right away. She moved in with me so she should not be surprised i am unable to do all my chores on time. I admit i dont make it as big as a priority when i am too tired from a long day of work and after school family stuff. Again, i dont leave it for her to do. i just cant do it right away. As soon as i get the opportunity, i clean.

Her insults are getting worse and worse. I asked her to stop yelling at me in front of my kids. i make an effort not to call her names or scream bc i dont want to engage, I am ashamed to say that when she has pushed me too far, i have reacted with equal venomous assaults. i am really trying to not do that and have not the past few days. When i try to have an adult conversation with her she tells me she doesnt like the way i am talking to her. i dont really know how else to talk. I thought maybe i was being aggressive so i calmed down and spoke in an emotionless voice and she said i was irritating her. i talked like i normally do and it "made her want to punch me." i realized that it was me she didnt like and it didnt matter how i speak. At this point i feel like nothing can mend our relationship bc i refuse to make up with her this time. Its been this way since she moved in 5 months ago. i feel like i am losing my mind. how do i cope??? for the record when we have fought in the past it was always me going to her trying to get us to make up. I am tired and stressed.

Okay so this is my first post on Reddit (like ever) but I’ve been in a MAJOR dilemma since August.

I, (16M) am gay. I’ve been on and off with this guy (16M) I met in August. We dated from the end of August-January 10th, the reason for our breakup was his mother.

For context, she hates me, A LOT. She stalked my social media and somehow got the impression I’m an unstable, manipulative, crazy alcoholic. I already know that she is homophobic prior to this, as she did tell him that if he were to be gay, she’d kick him out about a month prior to the initial dilemma. So she formed this opinion through my reposts?? From what I’ve deducted, she was looking for a reason to be homophobic towards me because I repost like one or two things about weed once in a blue moon (I don’t even really like alcohol so not sure where that came from.)

After we broke up, we have become this on and off FWB. I’m mostly fine with it because I know his situation is hard, but we keep getting caught, and then he leaves for a few months, or weeks. He’s not a bad guy and he doesn’t want to do it but he has to because he’s scared of her. He’s a basketball athlete who’s trying to go to one of the best universities in our province — she has threatened to stop paying for both if he keeps talking to me. We are now talking again for the third time, but I’m scared that we just got caught again, hence why I am currently writing this.

I have SO much I want to say to her. But I can’t say it, I’ve brought up the idea of me coming over and speaking to her personally, as she has NEVER seen me in person or talked to me. But he rejected the idea pretty quick every time I talked about it — and we have even fought about it.

So my question to this community, how can I deal with this? I have that feeling when I look at him that he’s the one, he’s my person. And I think he feels the same way considering he’s come back so many times despite his mom’s wishes (he’s stated he has to follow his mom’s wishes bc she’s his mom.) I don’t want to give him up. I need us to have a happy ending because I’ve never felt this way with any other guy I have dated.

What’s the best approach?

I will answer comments, questions, and concerns

Edit: he is currently not responding and I am not sure if his mother caught us again or if he was fucking with me as a joke bc he said it was his mother responding

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING (mentions of abuse)⚠️

I asked my mom the other day why she genuinely thinks that it is partially the victim’s fault for being SH or SA. I’m going to try my hardest to make sure I am speaking close enough to her actual words and then how I interpreted those words as to give my mom a fair chance in this disagreement we are having.

Growing up, my mom didn’t teach me anything about sex or consent. Any time I tried to ask her about sex, she told me I didn’t need to be asking about that because I’m not having sex until marriage. My favorite babysitter actually ended up being the one to one to give me the sex talk. Honestly, she made me feel less scared and ashamed about it. It didn’t make me want to have sex. It just made me feel less guilty about normal teenaged hormones and how I should only do what makes me comfortable. That’s between you and your body and no one else. At least my babysitter said something along the lines of that. I wish I listened to her more.

Once I was too old for that babysitter, her words were absolutely drowned out by the fear my mom put in me. My mom even told me a couple times that she would have me sent away to an all girls boarding school (which would have not stopped me considering I’m pansexual) if I ever had sex before marriage. She would teach me that I needed to dress more conservatively so I wouldn’t give boys and men the wrong idea. She even told me to not wear shorts when her guy friends came to our house. I was grounded for having a “bad additive” when I asked her why she was bringing men around that she think would look at me that way. She used the “That’s just how men are.” Thus it was imbedded in me that all men treat women like garbage.

I had secretly bought those cute Nike shorts that went viral back when I was in middle school. All my friends had them except me because my mom said they were too skimpy. She would say mean things about my friends and their parents who let them wear something so revealing. I was wearing those and my favorite band shirt from Hot Topic.

I remember thinking that what happened to me was my fault because of what I was wearing. I thought “Oh my god. My mom is going to be so angry if she finds out what happened.” Again, I didn’t know the different between consensual and non-consensual sex, so it was my perspective that it was sex until it was explained to me that the fact that I told him no multiple times and he kept going meant that it was not consensual. While my babysitter taught me about consent, when you keep having your mom tell you otherwise, you think “Well, she’s my mom. She’s the one that’s going to protect me.”

I’ve always tried to explain to my mom how these words affected me negatively. She had said sorry many times before, but I think I just wanted a sorry without having to demand and beg for it from her. I’m tired of her always wanting to be right. This isn’t about who’s right and who’s wrong. This is about how her words hurt me and had a negative impact on me and my perspective on what it means to be a woman.

I went to therapy many times for what happened to me. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I use to have hallucinations. I would hear voices that weren’t really there. I knew the difference between real voice and what weren’t luckily, but it was still terrifying, not just the voices, but having people think I’m a crazy person who should be locked away. I had a lot of friends who were sent off to camps or boarding schools and then came back with terrifying abuse stories. I was a psychology major with a scholarship before I dropped out. I dropped out because of the mental toll the assault took on me. That was when I finally started opening up to people about what happened to me.

I remember telling my mom and dad about what happened to me. Telling my dad was devastating. I watched him cry when I told him. My dad is not a man that cries a lot. He’d only ever cried when his parents passed away. Telling my mom was a completely different experience.

When I told my mom I was raped, she asked a lot of question. When? Where? With who? I thought those were the hard questions. Those were the easy ones. These were the hard questions. “Well, what were you wearing?” I told her what I wore. “Well, what did you expect wearing that?” It was always “Well,” disguised as a question, but I know she was really insulting me. I already know she didn’t mean to hurt me or insult me. She always says she doesn’t mean to, but then she does it over and over again.

Forgive me for the awful grammar and the way this story jumped around. I have not been in my right mind because one of my most trusted friends who supported me when I struggled the most with these things passed away. It brought back a lot of good, but also bad memories of me crying and her hugging me and reassuring me that what happened to me was not my fault. She kept telling me that over and over again, like she wanted to make sure I didn’t forget.

I just really need advice on what to say to my mom too. I’m going to wait for when I’m feeling better about my friend passing. I need time to process these emotions and I’m not sure how long that will take. I’d love to hear from you all. I’m considering reading some responses to my mother, but I do not want to make a decision now in my state of mind. I just keep feeling pulled back and forth between feeling everything and nothing at all.

I’m a mom to a wonderful little boy. I’m going to go make us some strawberry pancakes and eat my feelings and watch some Pokemon with him. As hurt as I am, I like to remember the wise words of a tortoise.
“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present.”

We’re not together but I still had respect for you. I no longer want any attachment to you. Our separation is spreading like wildfire. You got what you wanted. You fell out of love for me and then you felt bad. You don’t need to feel bad for me. I’ll be fine.

I’ve never done this before so give me grace. For the sake of identity I’ll give everyone an emoji because I don’t know what name to give everyone. I’m 🐝 F (16) and my mom is 🐻 F (35) my step dad is 🦁M (44). My mom is currently cheating on my stepdad with 🐼 M (46) and I don’t know how to feel. This started about a month or two ago. I was at my boyfriends house 🐵 M (16) and we were laying in his bed when suddenly I get a call from my mom asking “If someone needed plan B could you get it for them?” My heart drops because already I know she’s lying. I ask for who and she just says we listen and we don’t judge then proceeds to repeat her question. I let her know I don’t have plan b because I have it to a friend a while ago. She keeps asking her question then finally breaks down crying and admits she needs plan b and she cheated on my stepdad and didn’t use protection. I ask her with who and where is she. She tells me she’s at her office (where she did the act) and it was with this guy I remember hearing previous stories of him flirting with her, bringing her food, and even kissing her. She never had given into anything according to her, but her friend told her she should since her and my stepdad aren’t sexually active anymore and aren’t very romantic towards each other anymore. Me and my mom had a convo earlier that day about my stepdad cheating on her in her earlier years of dating, and his porn addiction, and possible cheating within the last 4 years. I told her she’s a grown women and strong and independent and can leave him anytime if she feels the need, but I wasn’t expecting this.

I turn my boyfriend who’ve I been dating a little over a year, and tell him to get his keys we have to get my mom. We stop at my house and I grab $50 and I try to avoid looking/talking to my stepdad because I’m feeling so guilty even though I didn’t do anything. We get my mom from work and talk to her for a while and get her plan b and she starts to feel better and then we take her back to work and we go back to my boyfriend’s house and that was that. I try to be supportive of her but I also don’t really want to talk about it.

Since then I’ve met him a few times, he knows my mom’s married. I met him once with my boyfriend at goodwill, where he works, and once at claw machine place with my mom’s friend and her son(8) and my sister(14) and mom. But besides that I hadn’t heard too much from him.

A little later my stepdad and stepbrother(16) and my sister go to a different town to watch race cars, but I wasn’t interested so I asked to stay home, especially since my mom and I haven’t spent much time together recently. Once they leave she takes me to dinner but explains she has plans with 🐼 and she’s been waiting for my dad to be gone. She starts going into detail about their sex life like it’s normal. I tried to change the convo a few times but nothing worked. She said we could hang out after she has sex with 🐼 but we have to go because right now is the only time she can. So she drops me off at home and spends two hours with this guy. I kept texting her asking if we can follow through with our plans, but by then they were closed. She comes home around 9 and takes me to the dollar store for a project and she tells me about her night and that was the end of the night.

Fast forward to now. I hate watching my parents interact like everything is fine when my dad has no clue. A few days ago my stepdad’s mom died so he’s been upset and hasn’t really been doing much so my mom can’t get out without him asking to come too. Last night my mom had plans to have sex with 🐼 but she was also house sitting for her friend so he was supposed to meet her there and I was supposed to take my dad to the race track but I explained multiple times I wasn’t interested in going and it didnt make sense for me to ask. So she was going to have him stay home with me, so I agreed. As she was leaving he followed her out the door anyways and I couldn’t really do anything to keep him home. So today after my dad’s softball game I’m supposed to keep him distracted while she’s gone, but I’m supposed to go fishing with my boyfriend. What do I do?

Just like it says. He steals money, nail files, tools, and tweezers literally steals anything and everything from me. Oh, and he also likes to accidentally put bleach spots on my clothes. He hoards his own tools but needs to take from me. He never provides financially. The money he gets he spends solely on himself. He buys hot wheels and Pokémon but fuck if he could buy groceries. His mom just bought him a car. She also pays his insurance and phone and anything else he needs. He spends a lot on court costs because he can't stay out of trouble (his mom pays for most of it) he truly only cares about himself and his needs. Everything is done on his timeline. If its 2 am, he'll be the loudest he can be just out of spite. he is a compulsive liar. Everything is a lie. Everything. He hates me but im not aloud to leave because he doesn't want his kid to grow up like that but having 2 parents who hate each other in the same home is better.

Edited to add: when I was 2 months postpartum, he threw out one sock out of each pair of mine. He left our 2 year old in a car at night in a bad neighborhood while he went in a store. A cop happened by the car, which resulted in a cps visit. I also had 2 friends at 2 different times found our kid in the car alone while he was in a store. Our kid pooped in his diaper at 2 years, and he smacked his butt so hard. Both cheeks had bruises, then told me "well he still loves me. He told me"

used to get good result now im just students that failed most the subject. living in this family is so draining. ive attempd more than 10 times since im 8 y/o i wonder why i didnt keep going and now im 17 i think its time to give it another try. im so tired of them expectating me to get good result despite of their treatment towards me. i wish to get out of this house. life was just about to get good.. i started doing my home works 1 day ago stopped jerking off and its been 7 days now. life really felt like everything is going good and today life slap me in the face and remind me im still living in the same family that make me want to commit when i was a kid. im tired i coudlnt cry its been 2 years since i cry my heart out. its been a while ive been trying to look for ways that could make me cry please help

I grew up caring for my mother who had multiple sclerosis. My entire childhood, my brothers and I were helping with things most kids don’t usually think about or do for that matter — leg braces, mobility, watching your parent slowly decline in every aspect. The reality of living in a house where illness was always present and a child’s mind was never able to be.

Recently there was a conversation in my family about inheritance and money. It made me realize how differently people measure what’s “fair” when they didn’t grow up carrying the same things.

I ended up writing this after that conversation because I needed to get it out of my head. The only way I vent is through music and poetry - that’s why I wrote how I did. I hope this doesn’t get removed.

You said something to me recently.

You said,

“All needs are equal.”

And I remember thinking—

that is a strange thing to say
to the children
who buried their mother.

Because before we start counting dollars

I need to ask something first.

What exactly did we inherit?

----------

Our mother had multiple sclerosis.

And I was a child
learning how to care
for a woman
who should have been caring for me.

I learned how to fasten my mother’s leg braces
before I learned algebra.

Illness doesn’t just take strength.

It takes boundaries.

There are moments in caregiving
when the line between mother and child
simply disappears.

I was fifteen
when I realized the kind of care my mother needed
was the kind no child
should ever be asked to give.

And something inside me shifted.

Because the girl who needed her mother
was suddenly the adult in the room.

So I swallowed words
like medicine.

Sometimes metaphor.

Sometimes Xanax.

My brother?

Heroin.

He’s clean now.

But families like ours
prefer easier stories.

The story where addiction
is weakness.

Not survival.

So tell me again—

what exactly did we inherit?

Illness.

Silence.

Responsibility
we were too young to carry.

----------

And now suddenly
there’s a ledger.

Now suddenly
there’s fairness to calculate.

You say
this money is yours too.

Because you gave your sister money.

Because you helped her.

Because you were generous.

But here’s the part
you keep skipping.

You chose to give.

You could have said no.

You could have drawn a boundary.

You could have stepped away.

We couldn’t.

There are no boundaries
when you’re a child
in a house
where illness lives.

There is no opting out.

No ledger.

Just survival.

So when you say
this money belongs to you too—

because you once helped her—

I wonder if you understand
what you’re really asking.

You’re asking to be reimbursed
for something
you chose to give.

While we are still paying
for something
we never chose to carry.

So tell me again—

what exactly did we inherit?

----------

Now I’m a mother.

Two little girls.

Three years old
and ten months.

My oldest is Olivia.

Her middle name
is Robyn.

After my mother.

Robin.

Your daughters
still have their grandmother.

Mine
have stories.

So tell me—

what exactly did we inherit?

Not money.

Not fairness.

We inherited survival.

----------

You kept the ledger.

You counted dollars.

You measured fairness.

You said,

“All needs are equal.”

But the debt you’re counting in money—

we already paid

in childhood.

You chose to give.

We were children
learning how to survive.

So keep the ledger.

Keep the math.

Keep the story
that helps you sleep at night.

But understand this—

some debts
aren’t written in dollars.

They’re written
in childhood.

And that kind of debt

remains

unpaid.

Thank you for reading.

Recently I dropped out of college to pursue my passion of being a baker and i did this with the full support of my parents but after a week they started to taunt me and it became very aggressive getting into fights and what not. I got in at a culinary school in the nearby city and when I went for my first class and came back i found a suitcase packed with my clothes and my parents waiting for me they decided I am better off without them and i cried and just left currently I am living with my aunt but I don't think I would ever be able to come back from this ever (thank you for reading this I just wanted to get if off my chest) I am angry but sad maybe I shouldn't have dropped out maybe everything will work out i have no idea