u/No_Gap_1324

My husband can not stand to hear a single thing about his mother, recently there’s been a huge fight between me and him where I’ve left there and came to my mums.

Now he’s mentioned everything to his family in anger which I don’t condone I’ve never shared what he’s said in anger to anyone but he outed me, I’m so disappointed but that’s a different issue

My issue is his mum, she knew he was angry and instead of calming him she started telling him more things that would piss him off even further, she’s acting like she’s the head of the house but she has never been able to resolve a matter, she only makes things worse.

I noticed her patterns and asked her not to get involved and ever since she’s always gone up to my husband when he’s in a mood “oh what’s happened” “I know what’s happened” “has she told you to move out??” Like why is she so interested in what’s happening between me and him. (I live with in laws unfortunately and will be moving out at the end of the year) but it’s about what she’s doing and tolerating it right now.

I managed to calm my husband down and myself and resolve the matter but I can’t believe MIL has tried to ruin my marriage by telling him things that she knew would only want him to take a step further away. Whatever she’s mentioned was due to me mentioning it in a different way and she came and told him in a way that made me look bad.

I hate the woman. I actually hate her. But she’s going to act like she’s the best woman in the world but she’s literally since then has just tried to turn everyone against me in the house and had the cheek to call my mum and try turn my mum against me.

I’ve calmed my husband down and I know bringing this up is just going to ruin things between us again I’ve asked for some space and time and asked to stay at my mums for a little while cos I just don’t wanna go back where that awful woman is.

I’ve been married almost 2 years and me and my husband recently had a major fight in which we said a lot to each other, his mums ruined my life basically so whilst HE was swearing at me I responded with “your mum” since then the whole family fued has been “she swore at my mum” “she swore at me” the mums jumped on the bandwagon to suck up to her son who she always talks shir about.

NOW. Since then husbands anger he’s exposed every single thing between us, every argument, every word I’ve said, literally anything and everything and they want me to justify it with “anger”

I don’t think I can ever forgive him, I don’t think I can ever trust him, I don’t think I can ever look at him the same, I don’t think I can even stand to be around him.

We are in talks of divorce, is this unforgivable as I believe it is or am I being dramatic?

He’s tried to turn everyone against me, on top of that his mum has tried to do the same it’s like mother like son they’re literally acting as evil as each other. They’ve even tried to get my own mum against me by exposing and twisting my words I’ve mentioned around them.

HELP!
Me and my husband had a major fight 10 days ago (it always starts off over petty things) eventually it increases because of our anxious and avoidant styles. I want to fix it right away he wants to take space and time. We live in with in laws so it gets more awkward to a point they start asking what’s happened which spirals more. I keep trying to fix it he gets more annoyed at that and gets rude then I get angry and it just continues in this cycle (only realised now this is a clash of coping mechanisms)

Anyway

Had a fight that got heated I left and came to my parents he went and told his mum about our fight she also got annoyed at me. My SIL went and kicked off with them and said you all got involved you make her feel like this etc and my husband kind of realised and called my mum and said it gotten so out of control give me time. Left it there

I’ve been trying to contact him so we can talk and he’s just constantly blocking me, ignoring me. Been so long he’s not even letting me speak to him or him speak to me, I mentioned I can see from the home cameras he’s just getting about his day he’s removed me from them.. he’s just acting like he’s the victim and only I am the bad guy, he never sees his fault.

Now he does have narcissistic traits. In the past twice I have non stop begged and pleaded for him to speak to me and after making me beg and grovel he’s given in. This time first time I have not continuously chased him and I feel like he’s getting more mad at that. I refuse to because I just can’t be bothered but obviously I want to save my marriage but I don’t want to beg for him to act right, I feel like 10 days with no contact is pushing me away I feel like he doesn’t care and his ego matters to him more than his wife.

Except for leaving him what on earth do I do.

It’s coated with sweetness and laughs but this is what I’ve been experiencing please tell me if I am crazy because they said they are the nicest to me.

My parents - Mother in law in the start, I would go to my parents to visit which is a 5 minute drive she would say “oh you should forget your parents after marriage” “there’s no respect in a woman going to her parents agree marriage” “women look good in their homes not parents” (whilst her daughter would come stay the night every weekend) “why do you need to help your mum” I started to go once a week and on those days “oh you going to sign your register at your mums haha” I know she would say these things behind my back too cos my husband would start using same words on me during arguments. I would come back and she would be like “okay back to work now” before I have even taken my shoes off “now that you’re back put my phone on charge before you sit down” me and my husband used to argue about me going to my mums and I realised it was because she had the issue not him and he would get influenced by this.

Maid - when I first moved in she was everyday like “gonna get you to clean this” “gonna get you to clear out the draws” she had a list ready for me to do. at the start she and her daughter was once eating food and a bone dropped on the floor and she calls me and says “can you pick it up and bin it” I felt so humiliated. I would help in the kitchen hours on end and she would say “good if you do housework then you get rewarded with food” (all coated in smiles and laughs and jokes) .. if I was cleaning she would be walking around me saying “clean this as well and this like this and that” .. if I was trying to cook anything “oh you’re useless” “you’re not ready to cook” “you’re not on that level yet” I stopped cooking in the house. But I work my ass off to help cook I cut things for her do everyrhinf so I contribute and when I eat her food I don’t feel bad cos I know I’ve worked on the food and helped out. She used to wait till my husband goes out and would say come massage me, which I did out of love at the start but then she made it a habit everyday for so long to a point I would start hurting so I eventually stopped by saying it causes me pain because a few times she said “oh you used to not anymore” .. I went to stay the weekend at my mums house and she said to my husband oh your wife doesn’t do anything around the house to which he said yes she does all the time but she disagreed and made him start saying you’re right she doesn’t.. Ramadan she said to me don’t go home so I can get help here. (What about my mum who works and manages a house on her own?) there’s so much more..

Privacy - if I’m in my room for more than half n hour she walks in “what are you doing” to a point where sometimes I’m sat there pretending to do things so when she walks in she sees I’m doing something not just sat around in my room. If I got up from the living room to go bathroom “where are you going” .. when my husband is there she doesn’t ask me these things or come into our room only when he’s not there. I’ve also seen her a few times be in my room when I’m not there. I was on the phone to my mum she walked in 3 times and the last time she said “whats the need to be on the phone for this long” ALL this is coated with smiles and laughs and jokes so it doesn’t look serious.

Appearance - this woman has a habit of speaking ill on anyone and everyone’s faces and looks. With me my hair was falling out and she was like every single day of a whole year “your hair falls out so much” “wow your hair is awful” “why does your hair fall out” I said it’s normal for a 100 hairs to fall out a day my husband says it she said “well why doesn’t his fall out” it got so much even my husband said he was going to say like stop everyday mentioning the same thing. I had gained weight she said “oh look she’s dressed like a boy and your legs have gone healthier” “you should get on a treadmill in the mornings I say it cos I care” “you should dress up at home” I be in the kitchen with her where there is oil being cooked and smells up to me what I want to wear or how I want to be I just felt so controlled.

Lazy - me and my husband have been off work for some time now since we’ve got married. the days he had work we would sleep at 12/1am and wake up 10/11am be ready by then. The days he’s off we sleep late 2/3am wake up 11/12 ready by 1pm as we both shower I iron his clothes I iron mine I dry my hair I get ready he gets ready - NOW this is where not to my husband but to me she would say “it’s not good to sleep this late, even if my son is asleep you still wake up” “is it morning yet for you it’s afternoon haha” “don’t worry when you have kids you won’t be able to sleep” “is it time for you to wake up now?” “You guys think you’re on one holiday” I tried to explain my routine is set with my husband we watch tv at night and sleep when it goes off I can’t sleep whilst he’s watching tv. I used to think why do I have to give an explanation for the way I want to live? Mt schedule, it’s my life I’m here in this house for my husband and he’s placed me here.

Pregnant - oh boy I got pregnant, the first trimester I was so tired and I would have naps she would walk in room “you sleeping again?” “How much do you sleep” found out my iron is low she’s like “it’s your own fault you don’t eat the things you should for iron” I said I’ve only just found out but explains my tiredness. I mentioned my cousin has a wedding close to birth and she said “oh tell your cousin I’m already lazy now I’m probably gonna get more lazy after the baby” I was stunned I didn’t say anything. I am bigger than usual I have an anterior placenta I was shopping and she was like “why do you walk like that” “you don’t need to think about the baby right now let it come” even when I got a positive “oh yeah but you need to get it confirmed by doctors first”

In all of this I get affected I have been throughout and my husband doesn’t want to hear it because it stresses him and doesn’t want to hear about his mum, when he finally started to understand he just told me to stay patient until we move out.

They say she’s not like this and I’m making everything up and she said she’s been nothing but nice to me which she has been but it’s also come with all of this which I have also felt, I am nice to her she is nice to me but these things are also true. Am I crazy to think these are too much? Am I being too sensitive? I’ve had moments I’ve cried or I’ve felt or edge or I have felt uncomfortable being myself living in the house but apparently it’s all my issues.

I (25 F) got married over 3 years ago living with in laws my MIL comments on every thing I do when I was going to my parents house she had a problem if i went with my husband she had a problem she wanted me to stay home and help her all the time. She started to knock my confidence in so many ways commented on my schedule my time my family my clothes my hair it was like she wanted to control me. Me and my husband had so many arguments because of her affecting my mental health and he kept telling me just be patient. I stayed quiet never questioned MIL silently endured until recently she started on me again which caused issues between me and my husband again and it got so heated up he swore at me so I ended up swearing at his mum. I shouldn’t but I was so angry and now I’m at my mums house and MIL is calling my mum to say she doesn’t want me as a DIL and my husband has also blocked me and said he wants to end things. He told his mum I swore at her. Husband has got everyone against me and he says my tongue is bad but he didn’t see and they never see the wrong they do it’s always everyone else is the problem and we are right. What do I do? Me and my husband love each other very much we don’t argue because of issues we both have it’s her because she affects me but he’s her son he won’t see it any other way. I know everyone will say what kind of husband is that but please know emotionally we are so attached and his anger clouds his judgment, he’s a good man. He’s blocked me off everything and won’t speak to me but I’m just stuck. Oh and.. I’m pregnant. Please make dua for me that Allah softens his heart, he is my priority, I apologised to his mum on the phone and she said I was being fake and doing it just to win him back then hung up on me, which ofcourse I would fake it to keep my marriage and my unborn child’s home a home. But I think my husband won’t look past this and mif he does we are stuck in this because how do we get past this?