r/NRelationships

Why do they put it all on the victims? Why do people believe them? Why is it so lonely to be a victim?
I hate it when people around them don't see them for who they really are. I hate that they seem like the perfect person, kind, working, talented... yet they're sick and harmful.

Hi. I need your opinion. I feel im secure enough in myself to handle a relationship with a man that has an ex in his life for his son. Although, I have felt there has been a pattern for years with him appeasing her for the sake of "keeping the peace" with not having boundaries with her to protect our relationship.

This has caused my nervous system to be in distress anytime I have to be at events with her. I am just realizing this now. Its not just the ex being there. Its the boundaries or lack of.

Ive been expressing myself for years concerning certain behaviors but couldnt pinpoint what was actually happening when it came to the ex.

Like she has been known to stalk his Instagram but he doesnt say anything nor offers to block her. He just says. I should have and will say something if it happens again.

When approaching the situation of the party, I was given the "its for the child" reason for his lack of boundaries with the ex at social events for his son.

Example. Ex talking about child mental health at the sons bday party and she leans and whispers in his ear in front of me. Not only was the convo at an inappropriate time but her lack of respect to me and his lack of putting any boundaries to her is extremely upsetting. It shows me he would rather comfort her than put up any boundaries.

I really feel like I am being made to feel crazy.

He told me he didnt purposely ignore me at the party for her. I wasnt feeling well on our way to the party and we bickering abit over where to stop for coffee ect.

To conclude, I know it all might not sound like much but it feels like hes not willing to protect me and the relationship over her being upset ect.

How would you feel ? What boundaries would you put in place going forward for your bf?

You know in seconds you recognize manipulation and gaslighting and falseness. You see things differently when you are no longer emotionally attched. You dont even see or feel the same way about your person. I personally don't know if you can come back from that. I am a true believer once somebody shows you who they are believe it.

I never truly understood that whole comment of ( You will never understand what you did to me. You will never understand what it took to look at you now and feel absolutely nothing for you.

You realize you did what you needed to do to survive But most importantly, once you stop surviving you will realize your love with misplaced...

In time you will slowly start recognizing who you are and what you need and you only got one life to live. Let nobody change how you see love or how you want to be loved.

I know it’s a cowardly act but I can’t get over it. He started making digs at things he knew I was the most insecure about and then contacted my sister on FB to make sure I was ok but blocked me. We only dated for a few weeks but it feels hard to move past.

I was in a relationship with a girl for around 1–1.5 years. In the beginning, I told her clearly that I would not be able to marry her because my family does not allow love marriages. She continued to propose to me, and although she accepted that we might not be able to get married, she said that we could stay together for as long as we could. So the relationship continued.

During the relationship, I gradually realized that she was not someone with whom I could spend my entire life happily. There were several incidents, including cheating, compatibility issues between us, and behavior from her side that was quite abusive. I told her again later that I would not be able to marry her and that we should end the relationship there. However, because of our emotional attachment, she was unable to let go of me.

Around 2–3 weeks ago, my family found out about our relationship. They clearly told me that they would not be able to support or arrange my marriage with her. I explained this to her and told her that, given the circumstances, we needed to end the relationship and move on with our lives. After that, I blocked her everywhere.

However, after I blocked her, she continued trying to contact me through different phone numbers. She also somehow contacted my sister and started blackmailing her, saying that I needed to talk to her. I eventually unblocked her and tried to talk to her calmly, but she told me that she could not live without me and that I had to marry her, otherwise she would do something to herself.

I tried very hard to explain to her that marriage was not possible and that we both needed to move forward with our lives. She then started manipulating me in different ways, saying that she would run away from home and kill herself. She also made several attempts to harm herself. At some points, she also cut her own hand with blades and stuff.

I informed her family about what was happening, and her family also tried to explain to her that she should stop contacting me. However, after about two weeks, she has started trying to contact me again through different numbers. I have kept her blocked and I do not want to talk to her anymore because whenever I communicate with her, she starts threatening to harm herself.

Her mother has also threatened me, saying that if her daughter does anything to herself, I will be held responsible.

She is still calling me from different numbers, even though I am not answering any of the calls. But seeing all of this is seriously affecting my mental health, and I am constantly stressed and anxious about what might happen.

What should I do , I am getting mentally disturbed because all of this

I have been reflecting on this and could use a vent. If you have a similar story, please share.

When it started, I was in a relationship with a man for about 2 years who I loved very much, but it had turned bad. He was very addicted to drugs and alcohol, and it had gotten controlling. He insisted on coming over to my apartment every night and wanted to move in, although I refused. I was living alone in a sketchy in-law unit of a larger house. He would never leave if I asked him to, would never give me any warning about showing up, and would keep me awake all night. If I didn’t let him into my place, he would knock on the windows and doors for hours and blow my phone up over and over. My landlord started giving me a hard time. Finally, I had enough. I dumped his ass and blocked him. It wasn’t easy. I was terrified of giving up the whole future I had imagined with him when things were good. He had dominated my time and space, and I didn’t know what I would do without him. He had isolated me from friends, hobbies, and myself. Eventually, my exhaustion and irritation won over, and I was ready to never see him again. I blocked him and was ready to move on.

A few days later, around 2am, I woke up because I thought I heard something. There he was, just standing in the doorway of my room. I got so mad. My only thought was: he isn’t allowed to be here! I started yelling at him to get out over and over. I stood on my bed and pointed to the door. He told me to stop yelling and began to cover my mouth and nose. I really started to panic when I couldn’t get a breath in. I fought him. At one point, I bit his finger hard enough that he started bleeding. He showed it to me and said, “Look what you did to me!” I was still trying to fight him off. I knew my phone was near me in the bed, so I grabbed for it. I tried to unlock it, but we were still tussling. I held down the lock button and swiped to call 911. I don’t remember exactly what I said. Something like, “My ex broke in. I need help,” and my address. When he heard me, he got off of me and ran out of the apartment. I ran into the bathroom with my phone and locked myself in there. I was completely naked, but luckily there were some clothes on the floor.

I quickly got dressed while I was on the phone with 911. The dispatcher was asking me what he looked like, if he had a weapon, and where he was. I told her I didn’t know where he was, but he might still be inside and I had no idea how he got in. I don’t remember if I heard sirens outside. I know the police had arrived when the dispatcher told me that they could see a broken window and were coming inside through it. I later saw that he had bent up the screen and crawled through my kitchen window. (For context, because my apartment was very small and had no AC or fan, I would leave a window cracked open when I was home.) When I heard the police announce themselves in my room, I came out. I was shaking. They were holding flashlights. I remember thinking there were too many people for my space. I didn’t have anywhere for people to sit. They started asking me questions immediately. What does he look like? What car does he drive? I saw some of them leave and talk outside on their radios. One man stayed with me. I think he seemed nice and was kind of around my age. I was sitting on the couch. He asked if I had a chair, and I told him I only had the couch. I patted the spot next to me so he could sit down. I felt so fucking awkward. He had a clipboard. I told him that my ex was trying to stop me from screaming and that I couldn’t breathe. I told him I bit him really hard. He said, “That’s okay.” And he wrote it all down. He looked at my neck and the side of my face and said, “Yes, I see marks.” He took some pictures with an iPhone of my neck. Then he took pictures of my hands, even though I told him they were fine. Someone else came in and they talked outside.

When the officer I had been talking to came back, he said, “We found him, so that’s really good.” The police had located his car and arrested him. They gave me some domestic violence pamphlets and left. I don’t remember a lot else from that night. I know I called my mom and eventually went to sleep for a couple of hours. The next day, around 1pm, they called me to let me know he was getting released from jail. I asked them to hold him for an hour so I could leave my apartment, and they did.

Legal info:
First I got a stay away order of protection and then a formal restraining order for 3 years.He was charged with: First-degree burglary, Corporal injury to a spouse/cohabitant, Assault by means likely to cause great bodily injury, False imprisonment and Aggravated/unlawful residential trespassing

Let me know if you are interested in the legal end of things. I may make another post about that.
Like I mentioned, it’s been a year and there still hasn’t been a trial or resolution yet. He was petitioning for mental health diversion, but recently just fucked that up by getting a bunch of other violent felonies and a DUI.
Thanks for reading. This has been rattling around in my brain, and I think I just needed to get it out.

Posting this at the risk that people will make triggering comments. Please try and have some empathy. I went no contact with him a couple
Months ago for the first time. It’s had been very hard. At first I really thought I was okay and that I was doing better. After a couple months the thoughts have started to eat away at me, and I realize that the brainwashing he did during the relationship is taking a toll on me. He used to beat the crap out of me because he said my past experiences with other people I was involved with before him disgusted him. He told me I’m worthless now and that nobody will ever want someone with a past like mine. And that was also his only justification and reason to mentally and physically hurt me, and cheat on me, lie to me, etc. it kills me inside. I feel like I can’t live with my past anymore. I’m afraid I’ll never move on or find anyone who will accept me. I’ve always been alone and I have no family, and now I’m afraid I’ll never have a family because of my past. I am in major therapy and even started meds but nothing seems to make it go away. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just need someone to tell me it’s gonna be okay and that things will somehow work out for me one day.

Hey everyone, I really need to vent and get an objective perspective on a dynamic that has completely destroyed my peace of mind.
I’m a naturally sensitive guy, and when I care about someone, I go all out. With this friend/colleague, I’ve done everything I possibly could—sending her unexpected gifts, ordering food or groceries via Zomato/Blinkit whenever she was busy or needed something, and giving her access to all my streaming accounts like Netflix. I never expected anything grand in return, just basic respect, honesty, and effort.
Instead, I got caught in a deeply toxic hot-and-cold loop:
**The Exploitation & One-Sided Effort:** She happily accepts all the care, gifts, and perks, but the moment I need simple communication or emotional availability, she completely checks out.
**The Manipulation Loop:** Whenever she ignores me or acts cold, I get anxious. When I try to address how her behavior hurts me, she turns the tables and blames me for "overreacting." She turns serious issues into jokes, dismisses my feelings, and switches the topic to work like I don't matter.
**The Breaking Point:** A few days ago, after staying up all night anxious and waiting for her to clear the air, I completely broke down. I ended up apologizing profusely—taking 100% of the blame for my own hurt feelings just to stop the conflict. All I got in return was a cold, dry response.
**The Final Reality Check:** Right after I surrendered and apologized, she went straight back to ignoring my calls and texts for days. Meanwhile, she’s actively using my Netflix account every single evening to binge-watch series after work, completely unbothered by how broken I feel.
It finally hit me: I’m just a convenient provider of comfort, gifts, food, and entertainment to her. The moment I ask for basic care, I’m treated like a burden.
I’ve gone completely silent since yesterday and stopped all contact. Am I doing the right thing by cutting her off permanently, or am I missing something here?