I am not The OOP, OOP is u/LadyAce1988

My (29F) husband's (29M) new coworker (26F) has a crush on him, he isn't interested in her, but doesn't see anything wrong with hanging out with her at or outside of work.

Original Post - rareddit  July 27, 2018

My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 11, and I 100% trust him. The problem is I'm not a fan of his friendship with his new coworker. She's extremely drawn to him- she eats or attempts to eat lunch with him, often follows him around at work, and asks him questions about his home life (including our marriage and kids), etc. He's an attractive guy, he's used to getting a lot of attention from women, so he's trying to ignore it like he usually does. However, he still purposely spends a lot of time with her at work, he says she's a hard worker and work actually gets done when she's around, so he doesn't want to mess that dynamic up. He's even invited her to lunch outside of work (which he does with all of his friends), and yesterday, he invited her to our house for a small barbecue we're having with friends.

He sees nothing wrong with hanging out with her at or outside of work, he's upfront about being married, but I feel like he's sending her mixed signals. She's never touched him, said anything sexual, or been overtly inappropriate, but I saw the way she looked at him the one time I met her, and I feel like shes reading more into their relationship than there actually is. Like while its platonic to him, she obviously has a crush on him. I get that to him, she's just a friend, and I have no problem with him having female friends, but I do have a problem with him borderline leading her on. I've talked to his other female coworkers about it, and they also agree she sees their friendship as more than a friendship, and him inviting her out to lunch alone isn't a good idea.

I know there's nothing inappropriate going on with them on his end, but I'm still kind of annoyed that he isn't listening to me or other coworkers/friends. He feels like I'm overreacting and have nothing to worry about, because we're happily married and he's not interested in her. And I do believe him, he's never given me a reason not to trust him, and he's a genuinely nice guy who befriends everyone.

So I am confused how to handle this. I trust him, so am I wrong to feel annoyed about their friendship? If I'm not, what can I say to him to get him to see how being her friend isn't really fair to her?

TL;DR- My husband is a nice guy and is friends with a coworker who has a crush on him. It's just a platonic relationship to him, but she's reading more into their relationship than there actually is. I think he's accidentally leading her on by going out to lunch with her outside of work, but he thinks I'm overreacting.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

OOP added in the comments

> Thanks, I probably should have included this in the post, but he is in the Marines. With his coworkers, we're each others houses often, we lived on base with most of them until a few months ago, we go to each others parties and barbecues, our kids are all friends, etc. He's pretty much treating her just like his other coworkers, he regularly goes out to lunch with them too, even female Marines, but none of them are romantically interested in him. A lot of them joke around about how hot he is, but after working with him for a few weeks, they just got used to him and that was it, he was just another Marine to them after that. > > And you're right, I'm concerned. Usually we get along pretty great, if I'm upset, he listens. He is being disrespectful, and if he doesn't listen I'll definitely make an appointment with a counselor. Nothing too terrible has happened yet, and we have 3 soon to be 4 kids, I want them to know their parents have a happy, loving, and respectful marriage. And I just bought that book on kindle, thanks.

Update  Aug 1, 2018 (5 days later)

I tried talking to him about the relationship with Maria soon after I posted that. I told him I'm extremely uncomfortable with him getting closer to her, and he said I don't need to worry, he's used to getting a lot of attention from women so he's ignoring it. So I said that wasn't good enough for me. He was quiet for a second but handed me his phone and said I could look through all 4 months of texts, and they were all work related except for 2 about lunch, which I knew about.

A couple days ago, he got off of work early because I'm pregnant, and he wanted to come to my prenatal visit. He walked in the house, and as soon as he saw me, he started telling me what happened at work that day.

He hadn't told everyone at work I was pregnant yet, so I left it up to him to decide when to tell everyone else. He announced to everyone in the hangar (he's in the Marines and does aircraft maintenance) that we were expecting our 4th child, so that's why he was going to be getting off early to go to a prenatal visit. Everyone congratulated him or made jokes- except for Maria. She was excited to see him and was talking his ear off while they were fixing something, but as soon as she heard we were expecting, she got angry, got an attitude when he asked her to grab a part for him, and spent the rest of the day avoiding him. Their other coworkers noticed this too.

He said he was honestly confused at first, and he thought "Why is she mad? It's not like we're together, I'm married and she knows this." But then it hit him that this wasn't just a friendship to her, and that even though he didn't intend to, he had crossed a line. He kept going back over the past 4 months in his head, wondering what he said and did to let this happen, because he felt like he had treated her like his other friends. And said he knew there were things he shouldn't talk about with her- he never talked about our marital problems-, because he knew confiding in someone like that could lead to problems, and he never touched her, not even a handshake or hug, because he didn't want to lead her on.

Then I showed him the comments on my post. We discussed boundaries and comment about how relationships are based on the intent of both parties- that a friendship is when two people agree to be platonic, but with Maria, he may think they're friend's, but obviously Maria wants more. So if only one person thinks its a friendship, then it's NOT a friendship. He agreed with that, said it made sense, and he's sorry he didn't think of that on his own. He also said he sees how it could appear to be the beginnings of an emotional affair, but promised it wasn't one, he was just an idiot who thought it was possible to be friends with someone who wanted a romantic relationship if he just ignored that part.

I told him I just felt extremely disrespected, especially since he had invited her to our house for a barbecue we are having, and our children and friends/coworkers will be there. He just kept apologizing, and said at the time he didn't fully understand why I was upset because she was just a friend to him, but now he gets it, and she's not invited anymore.

Then he said should have known a friendship can't work if only one person thinks they're friends, apologized for not listening to me and for naively thinking he had everything under control, promised it wouldn't happened again, and said he loved me. We had to leave for my appointment then, but decided in the car that sometime in the next month, we're taking a kid free trip somewhere.

He texted Maria that night that he wanted to keep their relationship professional, which she didn't take so well, so work for him has been interesting for the past couple days, but he said as long as our marriage is strong and I'm happy, he's okay with that. He's planned a date night for this weekend, and his mom's flying in from Norway this month to watch our 3 girls while we go to Las Vegas. So everything is good now. :)

tl/dr: My husband thought having a platonic relationship with a coworker who wanted a romantic relationship was okay. He announced I was pregnant at work, she got angry, and he realized she was so upset because it wasn't just a friendship to her. We discussed why I was so upset and felt disrespected about their friendship, and he said he gets it now, apologized to me, and now we're better and taking a kid free trip to Las Vegas later this month.

FINAL COMMENTS

methylenebluestains

>If Maria continues to throw a fit, ask him to speak to his GySgt and let them know what has been going on. I have no idea if she's the vindictive type, but it's not worth risking his career to find out. They may be able to shift her to a different shop or place him in an admin job (not great for promotions, but it'll mean more free time to help you with the arriving baby)

OOP

>>He talked to him today. He's keeping an eye on it, and a few of the guys he works with are too, so if anything happens, it'll be dealt with immediately.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

This is a repost. The original was posted in /r/offmychest by user heartbrokenaccount26. I'm not the original poster.

This BORU was suggested by /u/jackieatx

Status: Concluded

---

># Original September 11, 2026

I just can't believe this is happening.

My [25F] fiancé [27M] has new friends and they are not good people. They scare me. It took me a while to see it, and maybe I'm stupid because I didn't notice right away but I see it now. He met someone through one of his hobbies and eventually this person introduced my fiancé to some of his other friends. At first I convinced myself it was a just a misunderstanding on my part but now I know better. If I try to bring it up with my fiancé he just shuts me down or says I'm imagining things.

I'm not imagining it. I've seen racist tattoos on at least two of them. It might not be overt if you don't know what you are looking for, but if you search online it's clear what the tattoos mean. I've been looking up some of these new friends on social media and their accounts are full of posts about purity and traditional values. My fiancé has become obsessed with this American podcaster who is openly racist and doesn't try to hide it. I've heard these new friends talk about immigration in a negative way and now my fiancé brings it up a lot when he never cared about it before. They also talk about traditional values and gender roles and my fiancé brought up how nice it is if a woman stops working after she gets married. He backtracked and said he was just making a general comment after I got upset with him and we argued, but I can't stop thinking about it. He keeps saying I'm imagining things or that "you're the one who is obsessed since you keep bringing it up."

He's gone down a road that I can't follow. I love him but I can't marry him now. His comments about traditional gender roles and me not working are bad enough but his talk about "purity" is disgusting (and it is racist and exactly the kind you are thinking of, anyone who says otherwise is just as bad as my fiancé and his friends). I can't get through to him, he won't listen to me. I'm going to break up with him. My sister is the only one who knows so far. I'm not ready to tell anyone else but I will after I move out. I just wanted to get this out somewhere. It just hurts so much.

---

># Comments by OOP:

He used to vote and politically support the opposite way of the views he has now. He had friends and flatmates who are different races than us. He was the best man when his brother married another man. He's changed since he met these people but he wasn't always like this.

---

He wasn't always this way. He was involved in a political party that is the opposite of the beliefs he holds now. When I met him, his flatmates at the time were different races and he called them his best friends. He was also the best man in his brother's wedding, and his brother married a man. I don't know what happened to make him change into such a monsterous person but it broke my heart. He wasn't the man I fell in love with and I don't know what happened to him.

---

Yes, his family knows (and none of them support or agree with him).

---

># Update September 30, 2026, 19 days later

I (25F) have left him (27M) and cancelled everything related to our wedding. I am staying with my cousin and her husband until I can find a flat for myself and get my life in order. There is still a lot I have to do, my life is a big mess right now. When I told him I was leaving, he just kept saying over and over that he "didn't understand" or that I was the one who was "obsessed" not him, because I was the one who was always bringing it up. I did not stay for very long after I told him I was leaving. I left our flat after I told him I would not be marrying him and thar our relationship was over. I haven't seen or spoken to him since I returned with my cousin to get the rest of my things, three days after I told him I was leaving (my cousin has a car and I do not and there were some things I could not carry). I haven't had contact with him since that day and I never want to see him again. He disgusts me with his horrible beliefs and talk about purity.

[I would like to address and clarify two things that were mentioned in the comments of my first post. First was that the tattoos were definitely racist and I wasn't "misunderstanding" anything. Examples include the number 88, a series of dots that look like nothing but form a swastika when they are all connected, or slogans written in German or other languages. I could go on. Second, my former fiancé wasn't always like this. We first met at a political rally for a cause that is the opposite of his horrible new beliefs. He had flatmates that were not white and he called them his best friends. He was the best man when his brother got married to a man. I don't know what changed to make him turn into such a monster but he wasn't always like this. Now he says his former flatmates should "go back" because they would be more comfortable among "their own kind" even though they were born here. He also says his brother never should have gotten married. I'm heartbroken for his family because they are good people who would never condone his beliefs and his brother doesn't deserve this. My former fiancé was obsessed with an American podcaster who has the most horrid views you can imagine and his new beliefs were not something I could ever live with. I appreciate all the support I got on my other post.]

---

># Comment by OOP:

One of his new friends had an 88 tattoo, and when I pointed out what it meant to my former fiancée he said 8 is just his friend's favourite number and I'm the one who is making an innocent tattoo into something hateful. (Nevermind that this friend followed many social media accounts that had racism or racist imagery on them)

My former fiancé would tell me I'm the one who was obsessed with race or purity because I saw it in everything him and his new friends did. He said I was the one making innocent or mundane things about race and I got tired of him being in denial and making me out to be the problem.

---

I'm not the original poster.

Hi, I (25m) have been in a relationship with the mother of my children for the last 4 years. We had two kids the time we were together. I met her on Instagram and went to her house to pick her up. From the moment we met we hadn't been apart for four years. Our relationship started out rocky really. We both got caught texting other people but we pushed through and before she got pregnant we had a really rough patch. We were working in the same place, just different sections, I had developed a close friendship with one of my coworkers and she hated it. It really started out as just a friendship but the girl started to come on to me more and more each day. I had to make a choice and that's when she discovered she was pregnant and we moved on. We left the job. We moved to Pennsylvania with her mom we argued a lot. After that she always had trust issues with me so she was always going into my messages and logging into my Instagram. But I stopped I really wasn't doing anything. Then 3 years ago we got our own apartment together here in Virginia and everything was going smoothly until she got mad I was following girls I never really understood why I just was following random people but she always had this thing with my social media like she wanted complete control. Over time throughout our relationship She secretly went through my whole follow list and unfollowed every girl no matter if she was a long time friend or a cousin. It didn't matter to her and that would make me mad. Looking back at it now I wish I didn't get so mad because my reactions only made things way worse. I started to follow more people just to spite her. And after that one day we got into a heated argument because I went through her phone and saw she was entertaining someone. Some random dude, after I saw that I left for the first time for about a day. Then she begged me to come back so I did. When I came back I promised I wouldn't follow any more girls and I was doing good until two weeks later. My friend told me his girlfriend told him that my girl had been sleeping with someone who hangs around the apartments we live in. It really broke me. I was so mad I got up and moved out again this time longer and the time I was away I was seeing other people. Then she begged me back again threatening to do things to herself. I came back and we started over and it was good for awhile but those thoughts of what she did and what she could still be doing always would creep into my head. And then she got a job at this fed ex warehouse. And I'm thinking our life is perfect and happy. But one day I discovered she had been sleeping with one of her coworkers there. I read their messages and till this day I regret reading them. But I had also been doing something at the time behind her back because I hadn't forgiven her. So I made my self forgive her. And we tried again. It was all ok really Up until two months ago. When she just started hating me. Tearing me down any way she could. Then it all accumulated into what happened 7 or 8 days ago when I discovered she had been talking to some 40 year old man I left again and slept on my brother's couch for like 3 days and this time I begged her back I just couldn't lose her to him so I went and bought a ring (that was the only way she would take me back) I bought it and proposed. We were engaged for a good 3 days. But I noticed she was distant and she kept wanting to walk places despite having a car. So 3 days ago I looked out the window and I saw her hugging him with our engagement ring on. That broke me because at that moment I knew it was really over. Now I'm back at my brother's apartment sleeping on the couch which is right across the street from her. I don't even look that way or watch there anymore because she's moved him in there with my kids and it hurts so bad. My whole life is over. Everything I did revolved around the kids. Now I'm out and alone struggling to find a new life. I just wanna move far away. I been thinking about packing up and going to Alaska. I haven't eaten in 4 days. My mind will not stop racing. Any advice would be welcome. I need something..... I need a plan.....

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Worldly_Pen6712

AITAH for getting with my ex-fiancé's brother after breaking off the engagement?

Originally posted to r/aitaweddings

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Infidelity, physical assault!<

Original Post  Sept 21, 2026

Okay, so I (27F) am currently dating my ex-fiancé's brother, Ethan (30M), and some people in my life think I'm an asshole for it. I honestly don't know what to think anymore, so I figured I'd ask here. This is going to be long because there's a LOT of context, so bear with me.

Three years ago, I was engaged to Jake (29M). We'd been together for about four years, and honestly, I thought we were doing pretty well. Obviously, we had our disagreements like any couple, but I loved him and genuinely thought we were going to get married. We'd already started talking seriously about the wedding, where we'd live, all that stuff. I really thought that was going to be my life.

I actually met Jake through his older brother, Ethan (30M), who I'd known for a while before Jake and I started dating. Ethan and I were friends first, and we'd always gotten along really well. We'd hang out occasionally, talk, and generally just had a good relationship. There was never anything romantic between us. He was my friend first, then my boyfriend's brother, and that was pretty much it.

Anyway, three years ago, Jake and I were invited to a destination wedding in Italy. It was for a mutual friend, and quite a few people we knew were going. Unfortunately, I couldn't go because of some complications with my job. I tried to work something out, but it just wasn't possible. Ethan couldn't go either because of work, but his fiancée, Holly (28F), was attending.

Now, Holly had always been a little too touchy with Jake for my liking. She'd hang off his arm, hug him for ages, lean against him when there was absolutely no reason to, stuff like that. I don't want to make it sound like I thought every interaction between them was suspicious, but it was enough that I'd mentioned it to Jake more than once. He always said she was just affectionate and that they'd known each other forever. I didn't want to be the jealous girlfriend who made everything into a problem, so eventually I stopped bringing it up.

When I found out Jake and Holly would be travelling to Italy together, I wasn't exactly comfortable with it. I told him that, and after a few conversations he reassured me that there was nothing to worry about. They were originally booked into separate rooms, so I eventually decided to trust him and let it go.

Except then I got a call from the bride.

She told me that Jake had apparently been insisting that he and Holly stay in the same room because Holly wasn't comfortable staying with someone else and, since Jake was her fiancé's brother, she supposedly felt safer with him. The bride seemed to think this was completely reasonable and was mostly calling because she wanted to let me know so I wouldn't be surprised by the room arrangements.

I was definitely surprised.

I called Jake and asked him about it, and he told me Holly was nervous about travelling and staying somewhere unfamiliar and that there was nothing weird about it. He said I was making a big deal out of something that wasn't actually a big deal. I reminded him that I was already uncomfortable with them travelling together, and now they were apparently sharing a room too.

He reassured me again and again that nothing was going to happen. He said they were family, that Holly was engaged to his brother, and that I had no reason to worry. I eventually decided that if I couldn't trust my own fiancé, then there wasn't much point in getting married. So I told him okay.

Well, a week after the wedding, someone sent me a photo of Jake and Holly kissing.

I genuinely just stared at my phone for a while. I didn't even know what to say. I messaged Jake immediately, and after a lot of back and forth, he admitted that they'd kissed at the wedding. Apparently they'd both been drinking, things got out of hand, and they ended up sleeping together.

He also admitted that they'd come back later than they were originally supposed to, which obviously hadn't helped my feelings about the whole thing.

He kept saying it was a drunken mistake and that it didn't mean anything, but at that point I didn't really care what he called it. I'd specifically told him I was uncomfortable, he'd reassured me over and over, and then he'd gone and slept with her anyway.

I ended the engagement. I couldn't see myself marrying someone after that.

Ethan found out around the same time, and he ended things with Holly too. I don't know every detail of what happened between them, and honestly I don't want to. I know he was devastated. They'd been together for years and were supposed to get married too.

The next few months were pretty awful for both of us. I was dealing with the breakup, the wedding plans that now weren't happening, having to explain to people why the engagement was over, and just generally trying to get my life back together. Ethan was dealing with his own breakup, and we were both in this weird position where the people we'd planned our futures with had betrayed both of us in basically the same situation.

Since we'd already known each other for years, we naturally started leaning on each other. We'd talk, get coffee, go out, watch movies, complain about our exes, whatever. Sometimes we'd talk about what happened and sometimes we'd deliberately talk about anything except Jake and Holly. It was actually nice having someone who didn't need me to explain why I was upset because he already understood.

And eventually, we got closer.

I don't know exactly when it happened. There wasn't some dramatic moment where we suddenly realised we were in love or anything. I just started noticing that I looked forward to seeing Ethan. We were talking more, spending more time together, and eventually I realised my feelings weren't exactly platonic anymore.

I tried to ignore it for a while because obviously dating your ex's brother is not exactly the easiest situation in the world. Ethan apparently felt the same way, though, and eventually we talked about it.

We were both really careful about it. We talked about whether this was just because we'd both gone through the same horrible experience, whether we were just lonely, whether we were using each other as a rebound, and what would happen to the family if we actually started dating. Neither of us wanted to get together just because we were angry at Jake and Holly.

Eventually we decided to give it a chance.

We've been together for a while now, and honestly, I'm really happy. I know that probably sounds ridiculous considering the circumstances, but I genuinely care about Ethan. He was my friend before any of this happened, and our relationship didn't start immediately after the breakups. We took our time.

The problem is that some people think I'm still in the wrong for it.

A few of my friends have basically told me that no matter what Jake did, I shouldn't have gotten involved with his brother. One of them said that I should have just walked away from the entire family instead of getting together with Ethan. Another said that it was disrespectful because Jake and Ethan are brothers and that I should have known there would be consequences.

I understand why people think it's messy. I really do. I'm not pretending this is a completely normal relationship situation. But at the same time, I don't really understand why I'm supposed to give up a relationship I genuinely care about because my ex cheated on me.

Ethan's parents are actually fine with us being together. They've been supportive, and they're both very disappointed in Jake and Holly. They don't blame me or Ethan for what happened, but they've also told us that they don't want the situation to completely tear the family apart. Which I understand. They're still Jake's parents, and I don't expect them to just stop loving him because he cheated.

Some of my cousins have also expressed concern about the relationship, mostly because they think family gatherings are going to become awkward and that eventually someone is going to have to choose sides. Honestly, I don't really think that's their business. I'm not trying to make anyone choose sides. I just happen to be in a relationship with someone I care about.

Jake, obviously, isn't happy about any of this. He thinks I'm disrespecting him by dating Ethan and apparently feels like his own brother betrayed him. I don't really know what he expected me to do. I understand that it must be uncomfortable for him, but I don't think he gets to decide who either of us can have a relationship with after what happened.

Anyway, there's a family get-together tomorrow, and both Jake and Holly are going to be there.

And honestly, I have NO idea how that's going to go.

I haven't properly seen either of them in a while, and I have no idea whether they're going to ignore us, confront us, make comments, or just pretend everything is normal. Ethan says he'll be there with me and that we don't have to do anything we don't want to do, but I'm still pretty nervous about it.

Part of me wants to just go, be polite, and get through the day. Another part of me is already imagining the most painfully awkward family dinner in human history.

So yeah. That's basically the situation. Some of my friends think I'm an asshole for dating my ex-fiancé's brother, Ethan's parents are okay with it but don't want the family falling apart, and some of my cousins think we're making things unnecessarily complicated.

I honestly don't know anymore.

So, AITAH?

EDIT : To clarify, since I can't respond to so many people, yes Jake and Holly got together. I might have also forgotten to, um mention one detail. I apologize, but here it is. Jake and Holly DID NOT share the same room for the wedding, after I called to enquire about it. They did not show any signs of being near each other, however on the last day, they got drunk and spent the night. Even if it was a drunken mistake, I didn't think I could stay with someone who cheated so I left. I also couldn't reply  to many people yesterday since I had a long shift and was honestly really tired, so I just fell asleep.

If anything happens today I'll be updating.

Update  Sept 28, 2026

A lot of people asked for an update so here it is. But before we dive into more drama, Im going to clear up a few things.

Ethan and I did NOT start dating right after Jake and I broke off our engagements. We knew each other before any of this happened, but we were friends for about two years after the breakups before we actually got together. We spent a lot of that time supporting each other, and eventually things changed between us. So no, it wasn't immediately “we both got cheated on, let's date each other.” I understand why people thought it might have been trauma bonding, and honestly, we wondered that ourselves, which is why we waited.

Also, Ethan's parents were okay with us being together. They weren't exactly thrilled about the whole situation, obviously, but they supported us. They also didn't want their family to completely fall apart, so they kept some limited communication with Jake and Holly. Jake and Holly absolutely got criticised for what they did. But Ethan and I got plenty of criticism too, mostly from people who thought that just because Jake and Holly cheated didn't mean we should get together out of spite or make things even messier. I actually understand that perspective more than I probably did when I first made the post.

Anyway. The family dinner happened. And yeah. It went badly.

And uh... yeah. Holly tried to pull my fucking hair.

So this is how it went: 

I was talking to someone in the hallway when she came up to me and started going off. She was saying I had ruined the family, that I was a stain of dirt on them, and that I needed to walk away from Ethan and stay away from all of them.

I told her I wasn't doing this with her and tried to walk away.

She followed me.

I turned around and told her again to leave me alone, and that's when she grabbed my hair. Like actually grabbed it and yanked me backwards. I shoved her hand away and she started yelling that I needed to get out of their family and that I had no right to be there.

And then Ethan, Jake, and their parents walked in. 

Perfect timing, right? lol ok but back to the topic at hand: 

Ethan immediately came over and got between us. His parents were yelling at Holly, asking what the hell she was doing, and Jake just stood there for a second looking completely shocked.

Then Jake went, “What the fuck are you doing?”

Holly started trying to explain herself and saying that I had been provoking her and that I was ruining everything, but Jake cut her off. He told her that whatever problems they had with me, she had no excuse to put her hands on me.

And I swear, that was probably the first time I'd ever seen Jake actually look disgusted by something she'd done.

Everything just kind of exploded after that. Everyone was talking over everyone, Holly was still screaming, Ethan was telling her to stay away from me, and his parents were basically trying to get everyone to calm down.

Jake eventually told Holly that they were done. And then he basically admitted that he'd been a huge jerk. Like, actually admitted it. I don't think I've ever heard him say that before.

I'm not suddenly best friends with Jake or anything, and I'm definitely not forgiving everything that happened because he finally did one decent thing. But I wasn't expecting him to be the one to step in, so... yeah. However, I appreciate that he owned up, even though it was 3 years later, let's just say I don't forget easily.

After that, I didn't stay for dinner. I wasn't exactly in the mood to sit back down at the table and pass the potatoes around like nothing had just happened, because, to be fair who would actually do that?

Ethan came with me, obviously. His parents stayed behind for a bit because there was still a lot to sort out, and I think they wanted to make sure Holly actually left.

I didn't really hear much from Jake that night. Apparently he and Holly had a massive argument after we left, and that's when he officially ended things with her. I don't know what was said between them and I'm not particularly interested in finding out.

The next few days were kind of a blur. My phone also decided that this was the perfect time to completely die, because apparently I hadn't suffered enough. So that's why there was no update after the dinner. I finally got it fixed, hence me being back here now.

I also filed for a restraining order against Holly. I'm not going to go into all the details of that because it's still being dealt with, but I felt like I needed to do something after what happened.

Ethan and I have also started therapy. Together and separately. And honestly, that has probably been one of the better decisions we've made through all of this. We had a really long conversation about us too. Like, properly talked about everything we'd been avoiding. Whether we were actually happy together, whether some of it was trauma bonding, whether we'd become too dependent on each other because we were the only two people who really understood what the other had gone through, all of it.

And we both came to the same conclusion.

We're going to let the relationship rest.

That doesn't mean Ethan is out of my life. I don't think I could just throw away a friendship that existed long before Jake and Holly. He's still one of my closest friends, and I still care about him a lot. We're just not going to keep trying to make the romantic side of things work while we're both still dealing with all of this.

I think I finally realised that I've been spending way too much time thinking about what everyone else thinks I should do. Jake thinks I shouldn't be with Ethan. Some of my friends thought I shouldn't have dated him in the first place. Other people thought we should stay together because Jake and Holly were the ones who caused all of this.

But it's my life.

And honestly, I think some of you were right when you said I needed to get away from this whole family situation instead of constantly trying to figure out where I fit into it.

So that's what I'm doing.

I'm taking a break from relationships for a while. Like, a proper break. I'm not going to start looking for someone else or worrying about whether I should date Ethan again someday. I'm just going to live my life for a bit.

I've got my friends, my work, therapy, and my cats, who are very happy that I have nowhere else to be because they've been glued to me since I got home. Maybe years from now I'll look back and still have feelings for Ethan. Maybe he will too. Maybe neither of us will. If that happens, we'll figure it out then.

But that's future me's problem.

Right now I just want to be me for a while without my entire life revolving around Jake, Holly, Ethan, or whoever thinks I'm making the wrong decision. So yeah. That's where things stand.

Thank you to everyone who commented on the original post, even the people who called me an asshole. Some of you were definitely harsh, but there were also things I needed to hear. I'm going to take a break from Reddit after this because  posting your family drama online to hundreds of strangers is not the healthiest hobby.

Thank you Reddit.

FINAL COMMENTS

HoleInWon929

> Sounds like a good decision to stop talking to the entire family. > > Yes he helped you get through an awful betrayal but it sounds like a trauma bond. > > Surely there are other people in the world to date.

OOP

>>I took everyone's advice, and I'm happy to say that I will be focusing on myself. It was messy, and even though we will remain friends, I'll be steering away from anything romantic. If any lingering feelings remain, it'll be future me's problem. Right now, Im going to travel, spend time with friends and be myself. No more drama.

allergymom74

>I would recommend taking time away from the friendship too. Yes. You went through therapy, etc to come to this conclusion. AND it is still an adjustment to go back to being just friends after years of complications. Time and space gives you time to truly move on.

OOP

>>I've taken that into consideration. I'm taking a 1 month break for my job to travel a bit. Ethan and I will remain friends, but for now we've agreed to stay distant for a while to focus on our lives instead.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

We’ve been friends since high school. Last year, his wife gave birth to their first child, and almost immediately, he started sleeping with a young intern from his branch office.

He didnt even bother hiding it from our private group chat. He would brag about lying to his wife while she was at home struggling with postpartum recovery, sending gross texts about his hotel hookups on "work trips." The other guys in the chat stayed silent or laughed along, but it made me sick to my stomach.

i created a throwaway encrypted email, compiled unedited screenshots of his messages and the hotel receipts he bragged about, and sent everything straight to his wife.

She filed for divorce two days later, secured full custody, and kicked him out. He currently sleeps on his cousin’s couch and calls me every night crying, begging to know which "snake" betrayed him and destroyed his family.

I listen to him sob on speaker while playing video games, tell him "stay strong bro," and hang up with absolutly zero guilt.

Some people deserve to lose everything.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/Temporary_Lie_3460

Published on: r/AITAH & r/Redditor_Updates

Previous BORUs:

• BORU-1 by u/SharkEva on November 01, 2024

• BORU-2 by u/ObsidianNight102399 on December 23, 2024

Thanks to u/smashing767 for letting me know about the update!

Trigger Warning: >!Assault, miscarriage, death!<

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: October 30, 2024 at 02:05 UTC

• Update 1: October 31, 2024 at 00:06 UTC

• Update 2: November 07, 2024

• Update 3: December 23, 2024

• Final Update: October 01, 2026 --> NEW UPDATE

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Main Post

^(October 30, 2024 at 02:05 UTC)

---

aita: for walking out on a blind date my friend set up 2 weeks after my husband died?

I just really need some clarity on this situation, I 23f lost my husband 25m weeks ago to a car accident, he was the love of my life and im still not used to waking up without him everyday. we have big plans for our future and it all came crashing down in a heart beat. we met on his uncles farm, he was a farm hand and it was love as first site for me. im also 4 months pregnant but I havent told anyone, I was planning on telling my friend when I was feeling better.

My best friend Leigh 24F has been my shoulder to cry on during this time, she helped me with his funeral and anything else I needed as im NC with my bio family story for another time, she is currently dating Barry 24M they usually hang out in a trio with Liam 24M, when I first met Liam he hit on me hard tried everything as in would try and compare himself with my husband say weird things like our kids would be cuter than if you had kids with My husband. He's also made weird comments like I need a city boy and would motion himself, when im a country girl through and through, I typically would shut him down or ignore him but I would always get dirty looks from Barry.

skip to Sunday night, I got a messaged from Leigh begging me to come to dinner with her because she wanted to treat me as I had Been through a lot in the last couple of weeks, feeling not so shit about myself I decided to go. When I arrived she wasn't there so I texted her asking how long she would be and she told me 5 mins she's just running late and is around the corner so I to sat down and ordered a drink now 5 mins comes and she's still not there so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and waited another five when im about call her Liam comes rushing over and gives his apologies for being late I asked him what's he doing here because im waiting for Leigh and it was a two chair table, he smiles at me and grabs my hand I ripped it off of him and he just says oh I asked Leigh to set us up now that Husbands name isn't a problem we can finally get to know each other he looked so cringey and im telling you I was floored I stood up and told him that I wasn't interested and I certainly don't give a flying fuck about getting to know him, and that I just lost my husband

without a word of a lie this man stands up and said I know your being overly emotion right now so ill forgive you for that sit down with me, im not saying we have to have sex straight away.or anything, I was disgusted I shoved past him and went home as fast as I could when I did get home Leigh messaged me soo how was dinner with a smirk emoji I called her and when she answered I didnt let her get a word in I yelled at her asked her how she has the audacity to do something like this weeks after I just lost my husband when shoes been the one to hold me together this whole time I asked her what fucking game was she playing and that the only reason I wanted to meet tonight with HER was to tell her im pregnant I just hung up on her and texted her I need time and don't want to be contacted by her for the time being.

Last night Barry came to my house and asked to talk, I said no and that if he didnt leave id call the police, he told me that I broke Leighs heart and that I deeply hurt Liam when now is an even better time to get to know Liam because he could raise my Child With me I opened my door which Barry took as I wanted to talk instead I hit him with my shoes and chased him to his car screaming, im actually embarrassed I did that.

All day today im being flooded with messages from friends and the trio themselves shaming me for pushing the people who care about me the most away and that they don't even regonise the person ive become the only thing that hurts me most is that my husband would know what to do he would tell me how to fix it and now I have no one who I can talk to im just so numb inside, I have A therapy appointment tomorrow but im thinking of calling my husbands mum even though we've barley spoken since the funeral any advice is appreciated, please exude any typos im just so exhausted

{ Edit : I made a new account for this post as some friends have my main and id rather have some time to grasp this whole thing before I answer anyone personally. thank you }

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

she_who_knits > Very weird and inappropriate people you have as so called friends. Go NC with them. Just ew. > > Call your mother in law. She'll be thrilled about the baby. That's your support system. > >  And join a grief therapy group if there is one local to you. It's okay to be numb. It's normal to be numb when life cracks you upside the head this hard. > > OOP >> thank you, I just feel so wrecked at the minute and I have joined a grief group in the city I'm trying to grip enough courage to actually go.

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StrongTxWoman > As somebody who has lost someone dear to me, this is unforgivable. Who do they think they are? How dare them to tell op how to grief? > > We all grief differently but definitely not within a month (except my bf's father who got a gf the next day his wife passed away). > > If I were op, I don't think I can forgive them. So they think it is funny? I can't imagine they think it was a good idea. > > Is this a troll post? No one with common sense will do that. I hope this is a troll post. > > OOP >> they think I should go out with Liam to get over my husband, I personally am in no way to be jumping into a relationship let alone having a " new family", thank you for your advice

---

MacChicken25 > These 3 are absolute shit humans. Did they absolutely hate your late husband or something? Lose the 3 of them. I can't even comprehend the audacity that would make them think any of their behaviors was appropriate. > > OOP >> Leigh used to have a crush on my husband she knew him because her brother used to play football with my husband, other than that Barry and Liam hated him because they think people from the country are stuck up rednecks, thank you for your comment

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T0USHA3 > NTA Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss. You did the right thing here. I would suggest not contacting that friend again because anyone should understand that a few weeks after losing your husband is no time to date. also Liam is a scumbag and you need to STAY AWAY > > OOP >> I told Liam if he came anywhere near me id shoot him, bit violent but hopefully he gets the hint

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Classic-Row-2872 > Are you uber rich or very very attractive? Because I can't understand why these people are pushing so hard to see you with a man again > > OOP >> Leigh is the kind of woman who can't be single, I hope that explains her point of view

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Update 1 - after 22 hours

^(October 31, 2024 at 00:06 UTC)

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update: aita for walking out on a blind date my friend set up 2 weeks after my husband died

hello all and thank you,

I just wanted to start of with I called my Mil Louise, after making the post I thought that I needed to tell her about baby because just like some of you said, she is overjoyed about the news.

she didn't answer my call but instead drove straight over to my house, I honestly didnt know what to say to her but we just hugged and cried all night, I didnt have the best delivery about how I am pregnant probably due to all the crying but she just light up and was so happy its the first time ive seen her be this happy in all the time ive known her so at least I have some support, my Fil came over when he finished work after Mil told him he needed to come to my house and he was too overjoyed about becoming a pop.

Louise offered to have the baby and I move in and I agreed, she said that I can sleep in my husbands old room which was a little bittersweet, when I told her what was going on with Leigh, Liam and Barry she was furious and told me not to worry about it because they { Mil & Fil ] have my back after a lot of even more crying Fil told me that my husband would be so happy to have this baby grow up on a farm like my husband did overall our conversations last night was a something I needed.

now im just going to answer some comments:

1. no this isn't fake and if you choose top believe that then that's fine but don't be dragging my husband when you don't even know him. Liam dint kill my husband, it was a car accident and my husband died on impact nothing crazy went on its just awful but is as simply as that

2. Leigh was my friend for a long time she was genuinely there for me when I went NC with my parents and I thought she was a decent friend, now knowing the truth there is many things I can think of that she did that are red flags, personally I think I ignored them because I have never been close to anyone like that other than my husband.

3. Liam is a loser, And from my chat with Barry I learnt that he's always had feelings for me and he's never given up because apparently he's my type? he isn't and never will be.

4. yes I ordered a drink I didn't think I needed to disclose that I ordered a lemonade? it was simply a soda nothing wild I know im pregnant and id never do anything silly.

5. I'm not magically pregnant, my husband and i both wanted children young and were trying for about a year, we just didn't disclose that we were trying because my husband and I think its weird telling people oh were having sex an extra amount, I don't know but my husband and I are very private people and kept a lot of it that way.

and as for the trio I've blocked them, none of my family are reaching out because they simply don't know me anymore, the only friends who are reaching out are mutuals of either Leigh, Barry and one of Liams other friends, I was confused on if I wad an asshole because I just left Liam standing there and yelled at Leigh I was so upset I was confused on the entire thing

but thank you all and I will update on what happens because I know Liam will not give up until he's in jail I seriously hope is doesn't come to that but the fact he drove past my house twice is uneasy so im hopeful the move to husbands parents farm will have my baby and myself on a better path.

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Update 2 - after 7 Days

^(November 07, 2024)

---

Firstly some good news,

I found out that I’m having a little girl, I am actually feeling a little bit better today and thought I’d update.

I moved in my in laws the next morning after they had come over, we went to the police and unfortunately there is nothing they can do unless he trespasses, comes into physical contact with me pretty much until he gets worse but I did take the initiative and move so they think he will be less of a threat now that I don’t live in that house but they did take my screenshots of his weird creepy messages and noted that he has been driving past relentlessly.

After a few days we came into town to go grocery shopping and we saw leigh, she went to come over but my MIL like stared at her and yelled NO, Leigh looked a bit awkward because my Mil was yelling yes I’m talking to you Leigh go bother someone else with your bullshit. Leigh did end up walking away which we thought was good I was greatly overwhelmed obviously about seeing her and my anxiety has gotten worse since the “ blind date” I think I was also anxious because Leigh is never without Barry so I was very worried

When we had finished shopping and was walking back to our car Leigh and Barry was waiting for us but again my Mil started screaming, she was yelling he was scum and they are trying to sell drugs to a pregnant woman pretty much anything you embarrass them and to draw a crowd Leigh and Barry did leave again not without looking scared ( points to Mil)

since that I moved in to the farm and it been drama free I had an appointment yesterday and found out about my baby girl but also that I have high blood pressure most liking due to the stress but we’re going to have to watch it just in case of pre-eclampsia as my egg donor had it.

My husband has always wanted a girl so I know she is a gift from him, but apart from the grocery store incident and the police, it’s been very positive for me being with my In laws, and there dog Spud ( don’t ask I don’t know why that’s his name)

Thank you again.

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

BananaIceTea (downvoted) > Why do people believe this nonsense is beyond me. > > PsychologyOwn257 (downvoted) >> Lmao facts this story is one of the most egregiously false and ridiculous stories I’ve ever read. I love how OP even forgets that she said she was pregnant and then tries to cover it up by being like, “uh YEAH, the drink was a lemonade”. >> >> The replies in this thread are straight up hilarious >> >> EuphoricSwimming3911 (downvoted) >>> Also that they were trying to have a baby for a year and now all of sudden it's that she used an egg donor. Because people in their mid 20s only try for a few months, then start the long drawn out process of infertility treatments, then moving to using an egg donor. All of that gets accomplished from first trying, to pregnant with a donor egg in only a year. This is the fastest infertility journey I've ever seen. That also, weirdly wasn't mentioned at all in the first post. Guess OP messed up keeping their story straight.  >>> >>> OOP >>>> I’ll break it down for you: >>>> >>>> 1 my husband and I have been married for 5 years started trying for a baby a year ago, we have a baby on the way 3 weeks ago my husband died in a car accident, we in no way used an egg donor. >>>> >>>> Respect read what has been written before you make such negative assumptions when you Cleary lack education if you can’t understand what I wrote please seek some positive thoughts have a great day

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EuphoricSwimming3911 (downvoted) > "Just in case of pre-eclampsia as my egg donor had it." Lmao what? For the love of God. That's not how that works you moron. Also, what happened to yall were trying to get pregnant, but didn't want anyone to know because it's weird to tell people you're having a lot of sex? Now all of a sudden it was an egg donor? You can't even keep your fake story straight FFS. > > OOP >> 1) I literally wrote my first post that I was pregnant? Secondly >> >> 2) my husbands dead? >> >> 3I don’t know why you’re so upset about my pregnancy like relax maybe instead of being a negative Nelly join a positive sub Reddit 🫶🏼

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Update 2 - after 1 month, 23 days (after 1 month, 16 days from last post)

^(December 23, 2024)

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Update 2: Aita for walking out on a blind date 2 weeks after my husband died

thank you to everyone who helped me with my issues about Leigh and the others. It’s over I was attacked and suffered greatly.

I lost my baby a month ago and I will be logging off for a while.

I wish everyone a merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Thank you for the kindness, enjoy your holidays

- J

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

onlyinarainstorm > Hope you're okay OP > > OOP >> Thank you, I’m on a healing journey and I am safe 🫶🏼

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NEW UPDATE

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Final Update - after 1 year, 11 months, 1 day (after 1 year, 9 months, 8 days from last post)

^(October 01, 2026)

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Update: Aita for walking out on a blind date 2 weeks after my husband died

Hi everyone, if you remember me It’s been a while and Ill try to make this as short as possible

two years ago I was going through what I felt was the worse year of my life. and i’m finally at a point in my life where I can speak about it without any repercussions on my mental health.

So let’s start with the trio, immediately after my mother-in-law yelled at them ,Leigh and Barry continued to try and reach me online, in person ( if I was in town) and through whatever mutual friends we had left. it got to a point where they started sending massive amounts of baby items to my old home with letters and letters I think the most they sent in a week was like sixty-eight it was crazy, I didn’t have to deal with the stress of it as my In-laws dealt with it for me bless their souls.

However Leigh did try to corner me at one point in person crying and apologetic about what happened with Liam ( as if she wasn’t the puppet master) and that she wanted us to go back to before all of the mess, I pushed passed her staring through her and that seemed to make her even more upset and incoherent but I walked away and left her there.

one night my in-laws and I decided to go to the pub for good old pub feed, now I’m still not sure if they stalked me or someone told them I was there but Liam, Barry and Leigh all came into the pub and tried to sit at the table over from us, my in-laws and I immediately got up and started walking to out and back to Louise’s car, my farther in law was right behind me the trio followed us out and was yelling I was told to ignore them and keep walking, as we did i hear my farther in law yelling and then this thud as I turn around Liam was trying to fight my farther in law, Liam was on top of him punching and Barry and Leigh was just standing there

Louise was beside her self running back to help my farther In law and I couldn’t just stand there and watch so I made a stupid decision and got involved I kicked Liam as hard as I could in his face and he fell back, I tried to grab my phone to call the police but Barry ran over to me and started beating the hell out of me I mean sometimes I can still feel him hurting me he knocked me clean out, fortunately some pub locals stepped in and stopped Liam and Barry and restrained them until the police arrived all three of them were arrested right there. Liam and Barry are currently serving time for what they did to my in laws and myself Leigh was also charged but was given probation and a massive restraining order. And I’ve made my peace with that.

In the hospital I was told that I was already in the process of a miscarriage before the assault and well getting my ass beat by grown man didn’t help. I was devastated my daughter didn’t deserve that, I didn’t deserve that. My farther in law only had a couple of cuts and bruises but he was ok as was Louise, they took me back home and nursed me back to health properly. I was an absolute wreck and I didn’t deserve the kindness and love my in laws gave me,

I told them to be mad at me, that the miscarriage was my fault and that I failed their son, they helped me get help and to stop blaming myself for situations I had no control over, they helped me with my statements to the police, selling my old house and with everything else. I could never make it up to them for what they have done for me and the memory of my daughter.

I moved into one of units on the property where I still live today, I work the farm and look after my in-laws and not to mention the sweet 10 year old spud who for his age will still keep you on your toes for a old dog, i miss my husband every day of my life and I know he’s looking after our daughter until I can see them again, I will never ever get over losing them both but I am learning on how to live with it, I made new friends and I’m truly starting to live my life again, I will look after my in-laws until they don’t want me too, they are my family and I love them dearly. It took some real hard work to get where I am, I even over came my agoraphobia believe me I am still a working progress I take every day a step at a time. Pretty much everyone in our small town knows what happened and Leigh’s parents are now on the outs for supporting her but other than that I’m glad they aren’t my problem anymore and I’m living my life without anything but peace.

Sorry for any Typos I’m on my phone sorry! Also thank you to everyone who reached out to me i genuinely appreciated, I won’t be posting anymore after this so this is goodbye.

&nbsp;

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/masterofthinking00

Published on: r/Advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: September 27, 2026

• Final Update: September 30, 2026

---

Main Post

^(September 27, 2026)

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I think I introduced soulmates, but it’s my boyfriend and best friend

This is a throwaway because both of them use Reddit.

I 24f am in a relationship with my amazing boyfriend 25M ace (fake name) and I have a good friend 24 F katie (also fake name)

these two are my people, on such different levels.

so for some backstory, I’ve been dating ace for about a year now, and I’ve been friends with Katie since we were 14, she’s always been hesitant with my partners as I’ve been with some POS in the past.

however once i introduced her to ace? They got on amazingly, at first? I loved it.

I will fully admit I’m the jealous type do to being cheated on before, but usually it’s never over something as simple as my boyfriend getting along with my friends.

but they are a perfect match.

they have the same humour, communication style, hobbies, nerdy interests etc.

the three of us usually hang out- but the last couple times I’ve noticed it’s been more them two then me?

like they’ll sit there playing video games while I doom scroll and if I ask a question they’ll brush me off because I don’t know the lore? whatever that means.

also my boyfriend keeps telling me how “amazing it is to have someone have everything the same as he does” And it’s really unsettling.

A couple times we’ve been hanging out and I’ve gone to the kitchen or something to get a drink and I’m immediately worried by them being alone together.

I really don’t think either of them would do anything to hurt me but I can see they are a perfect fit, I’ve never met people so similar in my life.

they also go to the same university so they are with eachother 5/7 days a week. 6/7 if we hangout on weekends, and yes I know they eat lunch together.

meanwhile I see my boyfriend 2/7 days a week at most lately and while I understand that I don’t go to their university I can’t control that, the amount of time they spend together is starting to make me uncomfortable.

I’ve also noticed that Katie seems a lot different, let’s be honest we all complain about daily life to our best friends, but lately if I do that or say something like “oh I have to do bla bla bla, and ace won’t help so annoying” she will tell him straight away.

He’s also being weird with his phone and I caught her on his Snapchat the other day? She wasn’t on there before. But then again maybe I’m trying to add up every little thing to make a case.

I know this is my own insecurity which is why I’ve tried to ignore it because why is it their issue? But it’s getting to the point that Its eating me up inside and I’m becoming more jealous and territorial over my boyfriend than I usually would be.

Also just to note- all my other friends get along with my boyfriend, he’s an amazing guy but they are much more My friends, where as Katie feels like she’s turned into his friend now. no one’s this close with him.

so Reddit I come to you, what do I do?

&nbsp;

COMMENTS

These-Process-7331 > Just because you have a type for a decent BF and BFF doesn't make them "perfect" for eachother. > > To put it very easy: 2 whipped creams mix along pretty well but don't have a mind-blowing outcome. Cream and chocolate cake on otherhand: don't look the same at all but are SO good together, and both are elevated to the next level when combined! In this comparison: you are the chocolate cake and they are whipped cream. > > Ask yourself this: did you BF at any point show shady behavior (for example: trying to bring you down when a dress fitted you better)? > > OOP >> Thank you! This helped, to be honest I don’t know- she’s always there when I need her but lately she’s very all about him asking how he is, when we hangout ask if he’s going ect. >> >> These-Process-7331 >>> Hmm that is kinda eye brow raising..... I wouldn't directly jump into conclusions but will keep things a bit separately (better safe than sorry). >>> >>> Also, how does your BF behaves? >>> >>> OOP >>>> He treats her like a friend I guess, but sometimes things get abit weird when i try to join a conversation between them about games ect. >>>> >>>> Also she’s single, she has a thing for this one guy but it’s not going anywhere as far as I know

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Sad_Matter_4992 > I mean, as a gamer, if gaming is really not your thing and you’re forcing yourself into conversation about my hobby you don’t usually care about, I would 100% shrug it off too… they just have a hobby in common, it means nothing, if I can give my feelings about it, I think you took the fact they share a hobby you don’t have really personnaly and it’s not really healthy. > > OOP >> Gaming was just an example, lol. Theres a lot of other things they exclude me from even if I’m kinda into it.

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Signal_Condition348 (downvoted) > If you see that they are perfect for eachother maybe it would be wise to let them be happy together. Then you can focus on finding someone who you have more in common with and you can still stay friends with them.  > > OOP >> I wouldn’t be able to be friends with them unfortunately, if what I think is true then I’d step aside but I would no longer be in either of their lives

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midlifemax > Why do you need to include a third person. Can’t you just hang out with him? > > OOP >> Yes we do hangout alone but lately she keeps asking to see me and if I’m with him she will just show up sometimes or if it’s just me and her she will ask me to ask him to come

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onalarkonboard > It sounds strange, but you have an open enough heart, you are young and they are, too, and if you are really observing “soulmates” the right thing, I know it is wanted to say, but is to help them be together, in a way that shows you are not possessive, I know it might sound crazy, but if you really know Katie well and Ace (good fake name) it might be better for them to actually potentially be together, it might mean someone perfect is out there for you. > > 24 is young, but also a good tome to meet someone, it seems if you have an open enough heart, it might be worth letting them see if they are truly what you are observing. It is complicated to do this, see if it is what is in your emotional comfort. But if two people are truly soulmates, they should be together. If you are exaggerating you observations, then see what’s up by talking to your boyfriend. > > OOP >> If they are meant to be, then I’ll obviously have no objections because how could I? Unfortunately though I could not have them in my life’s if it gets to that, I couldn’t see my best friend be with someone I sleep with, I’m going to speak with my boyfriend Thursday about it all. And I will update, either way I think Katie and me will have to have abit of distance now, this has showed me I don’t really trust her.

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TwoPlusTwoMakesA5 (downvoted) > As hard as it may be don’t be possessive. If they truly have found love in each other, accept that and be happy for them. There will be someone else for you down the road. > > This concept that you own him because you found him first is ridiculous. Let love find its way however it may be. > > OOP >> I’m not saying I own him at all, sorry if it came across that way but as I’ve stated in other comments- if I’m right and they’re the better match they can be together but I won’t be around them, I can’t do that to myself- even if it seems selfish

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hahahahahkys > What game do they play together ? Have you ever tried learning more about it too > > OOP >> It’s on his pc, she doesn’t own the game, I had ago but it’s horror where I as I play more like pvp on Minecraft or ddlc

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Final Update - after 3 days

^(September 30, 2026)

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I think I introduced soulmates, but it’s my boyfriend and best friend

I didn’t expect this to blow up the way it did thank you everyone mean and kind for all your insights, I’ve read every single comment but haven’t replied to all of them. Very appropriated.

Onto the update:

so Reddit, you were half right.

I spoke to my boyfriend first,and I took your advice.

I told him how uncomfortable I was, how I didn’t expect them to stop being friends but from now on I wanted her to be more of an arm length friend because it felt like i was a third in the relationship.

he let me see his phone and apologised profusely for making me feel that way, safe to say atleast on his end- there was no flirting/ suspicious behaviour and all messages were saved.

he told me- and I’ve seen the messages for proof, she added him- said she has a thing for a guy in his course and asked him to help her, I do not buy this.

Katie doesn’t just get feelings for some random guy she saw in the hallway and thought was cute.

I rang Katie in-front of my boyfriend and she started crying her eyes out.

She started out by saying “it wasn’t meant to happen” and “she didn’t want to hurt me”

okay, but then why lie about liking another guy to spend time with my boyfriend??

I told her to stop the bs and just admit she was flirting.

she did, she said she’s “sorry” but she’s and I quote “a much better fit for him” than I am, and to be honest.. I don’t doubt why she feels that way, I mean look at the title of this exact post.

she said she’s sorry over and over but I didn’t budge.

I told her me and my boyfriend will still be civil to her since we share the same friend group, and they go to uni together- but no longer will we be hanging out with her alone

to be honest, I’d love to lie and say that I’m fine, but I’m not.

This girl has been my rock since I was 14.

Which is why I’m not cutting her out completely even though i probably should.

we’ve gone through everything together and this genuinely hurts my heart, never would have 14-22 year old me thought id ever purposely distance myself from this girl.

so yeah, that’s probably the last time I’ll update this post unless something major happens but I doubt it will since it’s been a couple hours and I’ve heard nothing.

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

TL;DR My husband molested and raped his sister, and I don’t know if I should leave because it sounds like the courts won’t care since it was so long ago, so he could get 50/50 custody of our kids.

My (44F) husband (47M) has three older sisters. When he was a teenager, he would watch his sisters undress through a window. One of his sisters is one year older than him and she was born profoundly deaf and with a developmental disability. At her current age (48) she still only has the mental capacity of a 13 year old.
When my husband was 16-17 and this sister was 17-18, he began grooming her. He told her that he would set her up with her school crush and teach her to drive if she let him watch her undress. Then it turned into watching her shower. Then, letting him touch her while she showered. Then, it turned into having her grind on him until he ejaculated. This went on for a year. Then one day he raped/attempted to rape her. And she told her parents. I guess a police report was made but he denied it and she changed her story, and her parents thought she was hallucinating.
My husband attributes this all to being exposed to pornography at the age of 11 and then quickly getting addicted to it and it “got out of control.”
Fast forward to when we got married and he hadn’t told me any of this. We have now been married 20 years and have 4 kids together. I found out about his pornography addiction pretty early on, and it’s been years of lies. Including times when he searched Craigslist for casual hookups. He has been in Sexaholics Anonymous for 11 years now but has not found long term recovery. His longest period of sobriety was 8 months. He has never had intensive therapy. He saw a CSAT for a few months a couple years ago but really made no progress.
His mom found out about him molesting his sister around the same time that I found out and she told me, “She knew what she was doing, too.” Absolutely not.
It really traumatized me, and being around his family brings it all up again and I have intrusive thoughts about them having sex. When I bring up how hard some of the interactions with his family are for me, he basically tells me I am creating chaos. Our marriage has been years of emotional and psychological abuse for me.
I want to leave, but a lawyer I consulted with said since it’s over 30 years old, the courts basically won’t care and he could get 50/50 custody.
Everyone else who knows him thinks he’s just this super great guy.

Hey Reddit, I need to vent and finally close a toxic chapter of my life. I’m currently realizing how badly I lacked self-respect for the last year and a half, and I’m ready to finally walk away.
The Backstory & The Hidden Messages:
About 1.5 years ago (back in April 2025), my ex (let's call him D) and I broke up. The catalyst was horrific—I caught him and my friend (let's call her M) kissing in our bed. A huge fight happened. The next day, I had to go to work. While I was at work crying my eyes out, D and M actually went on a group trip with our entire friend group (including M's boyfriend, H), acting like absolutely nothing happened.
Right after I got home from work that day, I went into D's computer because I knew something was wrong. That's when I found their chat and took the screenshots. However, I was in such severe emotional shock that my brain couldn't fully process what I was reading between the lines.
When I confronted M back then, she looked me in the eyes and swore on everything that they never slept together. She claimed it was just "a mutual crush," that they wanted to seek therapy to find out why it happened, and that they never went all the way. Back then, I blamed my ex for everything. I convinced myself that he was the one who initiated it all and pushed it on her. I wanted so badly to believe her, mostly because I was terrified of losing my entire friend group and being completely alone. So, I suppressed my true feelings for months, chose to forgive her, and tried to keep the peace.
The Hypocrisy & The Group Dynamics:
We stayed in the same friend group and saw each other about once a month, playing pretend. During this year and a half, M and I actually shared many good times together. We laughed, we hung out, but deep down, I could never look at her the same way again. The trust was dead, but I kept masking it. Meanwhile, another girl in the group, N, clearly picked M's side and has been treating me like trash ever since.
A few months ago, the whole group went for a weekend trip to Berlin. At breakfast, N started loudly ranting about her old friend "Diana," calling her a piece of trash because Diana slept with her friend's boyfriend. N literally said, "I can't be friends with someone who destroys her friend like that."
Reddit, I was sitting right there. M was sitting right there. M literally did the exact same thing to me, yet the whole table just went dead silent, looked at their plates, and quickly changed the subject. No one ever called M out.
The Upcoming Wedding & My Internal Conflict:
M is now engaged to her boyfriend, H (the guy she was with when she cheated with my ex). Their wedding is planned for next year. Here is the kicker: H has no idea his fiancé cheated on him, and my ex, D, is actually H's best friend. D is going to be the Best Man at their wedding.
Finding out about this wedding completely triggered me. For the last six months, it has been morally devastating to watch. When my current, amazing boyfriend found out about it, he immediately refused to go, saying it's a moral cesspool. I got incredibly defensive, we had a huge fight, and I almost blamed him for being controlling. But during that fight, he confronted me and said, "You can't seriously go to a wedding for someone like her." He held up a mirror to me, and it made me realize the truth. I admitted he was completely right, the defensive wall fell down, and I apologized to him. He has been a saint through all of this, and I'm so grateful he helped me see clearly.
To prove a point to myself after that conversation, I recently opened those old screenshots from April 2025 again. Reading them now, with clear eyes in 2026, completely shattered me.
I saw them literally coordinating and fabricating the lies they were going to tell me. In the chat, my ex told her the fake story he gave me—that he just "pushed her down on the bed" and went to change his shirt, and that their attraction was only a three-month-old sympathy they wanted to handle through a therapist before anything physical happened. Then, my ex literally wrote: "I wish that were true, though." and M replied: "Yeah, pretty much."
They were plotting their cover story to save their skin while knowing the reality was much dirtier. But the worst part? M literally wrote to my ex:
"Well, at least it was worth it 😃😃"
"I will always keep that memory hidden in the back of my head."
My ex asked her if she still thinks of him during sex with her boyfriend H, and she replied: "Not yet, I’m trying my best 🤪."
She also openly admitted she would have jumped into bed with him again in a heartbeat if he asked, and explicitly wrote about "having to live with the fact that she cheated."
She swore to my face they didn't sleep together and that she was innocent. Meanwhile, she was bragging in their chat that "at least it was worth it," laughing at me, and planning how D would "make me back down" so they wouldn't look bad.
Why I Stayed Silent & How I Feel Now:
The reason I never showed these screenshots to H (the fiancé) is because back then, my ex and her emotionally blackmailed me. H was on antidepressants and in a very bad place mentally, and he threatened that if I told H and ruined their friendship and his relationship with M,he might hurt himself. I was terrified of being responsible for something terrible. On top of that, H already received two anonymous text warnings from someone else over the past year, but he chose not to believe them.
But because I stayed silent and kept pretending, I now feel consumed by guilt. I feel like an accomplice in their lie. Sitting at the table with them and playing pretend makes me feel just as dirty and spineless as them, like I am stained by their filth.
Right now, I am dealing with such a painful internal conflict. There isn’t a single day that goes by where I don’t think about this. It is eating me alive, and I honestly don't know how to end this relationship and cut them off without causing a massive, dramatic explosion.
However, I am done. I am taking my self-respect back, getting my dog's paperwork legally transferred solely to me so my ex can't blackmail me anymore, and I am finding a way to step out of this darkness. I am skipping the wedding and choosing my own sanity.
Thanks for reading.

I got a coworker who’s a chick from Indonesia and got a husband in Singapore(they’re both Indonesian though but she lived in Singapore before this). Brutal shit, I didn’t know she was even married cuz I know she’s slept with a couple of the guys from work, and is a party chick and goes out to party with her friends and shows others the pictures and the dudes she allegedly hooked up with.

She just casually dropped today in a meeting to a client that she is married and showed her desk photo of her husband and kid in Singapore.

Holy brutal. Her husband paid for her education and apparently works for the government over there. She is only here on a 1 year contract and will go back once it’s over. She’s gonna live up the year here I guess. She’s been here since June. Poor dude.

Afterwards some coworker asked about her husband and she said yeah she’s happily married and showed some photos of them back in Singapore and even some wedding pics. They all gathered around her, and were like “awww” etc. No mention of her cheating or anything. It’s like it didn’t even happen.

When I tried to make conversation with her a couple weeks ago because we were debugging some prod stuff together, I asked her how she’s finding America so far, and she said she likes it and “so much partying and hot guys here, how can a girl not like it”. I laughed and I didn’t care cuz yeah, I was under the assumption she was single.

Brutal world dude. I know she’s on the apps too, because she shows people the dudes on her apps to make jokes sometimes. She is 100% cheating on him, her own words. Unless they’re in some open relationship.

I found out that my partner of 6 years (fiance of 1.5) cheated on me during her show.

I (29m) was with my partner, "Bloop" (25f) for 6 years. We started dating during the pandemic. I had plans to move to NY but then I met her and covid was happening.. so naturally we only saw each other and fell deeply in love and I stayed in our hometown. We are both theatre actors. Through the 6 years we were together my career took off more than hers, and it became an issue. I loved her so much and tried to look past so much of her jealousy of me and other friends of ours that were performers. Over time she got a little better about it and that was nice, but there were times it came back around in a bad way. For example, one time she came to a show of mine and left halfway through. Her mom had gotten sick and didn't feel good, but that's not the reason she told me she left. She told me it was too hard for her to watch the show because she wasn't in it and she really wanted it. That was a year into our relationship and something told me that should have been the end of things.

But it wasn't. I had to have a conversation of keeping our theatre lives separate because she was too jealous and unfortunately also insecure. No compliment I ever gave her meant anything. Any help or suggestions I tried to give her were unhelpful because she would always take it as criticism and she never did well with that. She would tell me how hard it was for her to deal with embarrassment and shame.

Even still, I loved my Bloop. She was funny, gorgeous, silly, loving, generous, caring, talented... All of that. Her flaws were just that, flaws.

We are both autistic... However she blatantly denied my autism and I kind of let her. Hers manifested itself in ways that unfortunately didn't let her see past herself most of the time. And I feel like she needed to be the only one... So I kind of let her? But like... I'm definitely also autistic. She's the only autistic person in my life (I have lots) that hasn't immediately realized my autism.

This year I felt her pulling away from me. She pulled away from our friends. I'm a huge nerd and I play lots of DnD and games of the such with our friends and she's so not into it that she just decided to stop hanging out with them all together. She would constantly talk about how much she wasn't into fantasy, fiction, or nerd culture and how it frustrated her that everyone wanted fiction and escapism but she didn't. It kind of bothered me because the way she would say it, especially this year, made me feel like she was saying she didn't like me...

She got cast in two shows this year. In the first show she had huge problems with professionalism in her show. She unfortunately can be unprofessional and bad at keeping her shit together for a show. There was a horrible miscommunication (I'm now realizing on her end) that I had to get involved with to try to help save her from her own bullshit. I now realize she was the problem and I made myself look like an ass defending her.

BUT HERE'S THE BIG ONE. The second show she did took up her entire summer. Which sucked because I was working more than I have ever worked in my life this summer. I was in a show, I was choreographing a show, I was directing a show (3 separate shows) at the same time. I was doing so because she lost her job and I had to support us financially for most of the summer. I barely saw her at all except for nights when I was getting home and she was going to bed.

As it turns out, she had been falling in love with one of her castmates the entire time...

The night I came to see her show I rode with her there and met with her family at a restaurant next door. We had a great time and all day I was talking about how excited I was to see her show and celebrate her. Before the show I get sick and vomit and I'm not feeling great, but I thug it out and I still have an incredible time watching her show. It was a brand new work and she was telling me how many changes it had gone through during rehearsals and it being rewritten and new songs getting added or taken out. Regular theatre shit. I was so excited.

The show was phenomenal. Afterwards I talked in the lobby with so many people about her and how incredible she was, including her castmates. She took a long time to come out, and my social battery was dead and I didn't feel great . But I gave her a huge hug and kiss and told her she was amazing. For the next 40min she talked with people and I kind of hung back because I didn't have it in me to do anymore socializing (autism).

On the way to the theater we picked up her friend "Holly". There was a weird vibe on the way to the show in the car but I thought nothing of it. Well, we also had to give Holly a ride home...

On the ride home I told Bloop I was very tired and my social battery was dead and I had thrown up. But they seemed to want to stay out and hang. I tried to make it clear I wasn't vibing with that and when asked I said I'd be down to go home. I then get a text from bloop saying I'm being rude and that she was dropping me off at home and staying out. Something was so off about it though. And there was just this horrible vibe in the car with Bloop and Holly... I tried to quietly talk to Bloop and tell her I'm sorry and I'm ok to stay... But she ignored me like I wasn't even talking to her. Literally. So we get to the corner of our home and at the stop sign I just get out and walk the 5min home. I text her that that was super shitty and I had just spent the whole day excited to see her show and celebrating her. She instead wanted to focus on a comment I said about being excited to see the next production of the show and what it will be and what will change... because it's a brand new work and that's literally how that goes. She made it into me being critical about the show and not liking it. We argue on the phone. She had stayed the night at Holly's house the night before (even though we never saw each other except nights) so I told her hey, just stay at Holly's house again because if you come home I don't think we're not gonna fight and I felt she was just being really weird and out of character.

Well, that night she did stay with Holly... and slept with her. And I don't believe that was the first time, it's just what I found out. I didn't find out until days later after she had still been staying at Holly's house because something in my spirit was telling me something was really really really wrong and I shouldn't see her. While she was there we texted a little, and I told her I didn't think this was working. She agreed. But it was all after she had been falling for her and then cheating on me. I bought her flowers and told her I loved her on the 4th day of is not staying in the same house. That entire day I was spiraling because something was so wrong in how she was talking to me and the vibes I got in that car.

So I checked her iPad, something I've never ever done.

Something I wish I hadn't done.

Turns out she cheated on me that night after we gave Holly a ride. It was obviously with Holly. The person she had been spending ALL of her time with all summer while I was never home working to provide for us.

I called her, it was an hour before her show. I asked her straight up. She lied. I asked her again. She lied. She lied and then lied. I told her I knew she was lying. That's when she disintegrated.

I crashed out. I had been cheated on in the past by a partner and it destroyed me and I BEGGED this girl to never ever ever ever do that to me. I told her she could do a lot of things but that was the ONE thing I'd lose my mind about... and she did it.

So I, in return, told everyone. I made a post on Facebook/Instagram almost immediately and told everyone what she did. Because 1) I only talked about how much I loved this girl and was excited to marry her. And everyone knew it. So I couldn't have people not knowing and coming up to me asking about her 2) ...I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. I knew that she felt with feelings of embarrassment and shame a lot and that this is the kind of thing that would destroy her right back. And now she views me as equally wrong for telling people.

And it did. She's leaving the state. She's not sorry for what she did, she's sorry she got caught and I told everyone. I know if she could go back she wouldn't not cheat on me, she'd just take her iPad with her from home.

She is still with Holly. It's been 2 months and I moved in with my best friends into a new house. I'm spending hundreds less a month. But she kept our house and our cats and now had a new girlfriend. And I live in a constant state of shock and disbelief. I poured into this girl and invested my heart and life for 6 years. All I knew was loving her. But she kept me on a string for so long when I know she was gone long before she cheated on me.

So now we're two people who don't have any contact and we destroyed each other's lives.

And she's the only person I want to talk to about it. She was my best friend. My Bloop. I loved her so much. I have panic attacks all the time reliving me hearing Holly's voicemail to her saying she enjoyed their time together and how good it was. Any time I want to text her that I love her and realize I can't I want to fall to my knees and curl into a ball.

Tldr: my partner of 6 years cheated on me with a castmate after I begged her to never cheat on me and I told everyone.

I’m officially 1 week postpartum and my husband just came to me and told me that a month before we got pregnant he cheated on me twice. Obviously I took it hard I have no control over my emotions right now. But he thinks all is good because it’s off his chest. What would you do??

So, I just want to preface that this is seriously all real and I’m not a bot because I’ve posted before and it’s gotten taken down because people think I’m rage baiting. This is my real life unfortunately!!!

To start out, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 months. Our relationship started off rocky, I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship and met him 3 weeks later. After just talking for 3 weeks we started dating. I cheated on him by sleeping with my ex bf 3 weeks after him and I started dating. I didnt tell him until 2 months later. Apparently he was cheating on me too with this older woman. He didn’t tell me about that, I found out myself.

Ever since we found out about this, we realized that we both weren’t totally committed to eachother the first month of dating, but realized we wanted to stay together and be 100% committed. We created boundaries and told eachother we are going to be honest if we want this to workout. So that is what we did.

Fast forward to last week, I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach because I found a text on his phone from a girl named Ella. It was in his recently deleted in his iMessages. So obviously I went and read the texts and from what I saw he said “hey” first, then she said “hey” and he said “what’s going on cutie pie” and she responded with “nothing much”.

He told me he had no idea who Ella was, even tho her name was in his contacts. He told me he thought it was a fake number becuase the text messages were green. I got so upset and started crying. The next day, the feeling of him maybe cheating on me made me feel sick to my stomach. So I went crazy and decided to DM 50 girls off his Instagram that he follows.

I found out from abojt 4 girls that he matched with them on hinge a week ago, 2 weeks ago, a month ago, and 2 months ago. Hes had hinge this whole time. Apparently matching with girls and then saying “slide me your number” or “slide me ur snap”. And not only that, but I also found out that he hung out with THE ONLY GIRL THAT HE SNAPCHATS BESIDES ME. he hung out with her A MONTH AGO. he jsut got a new dog, and so apparently this girl came over to his house a month ago for an hour, and they didn’t makeout, do anything sexual etc. they only hugged. I was in contact with her and completely believe her because their stories all matched up. She also isn’t into him and they have been friends for a while. She stopped snapping him a few days ago.

Apparently when he hung out with her, he asked her if she was talking to anyone, and she then said to him” I thought u had a girlfriend” and he said “no we just broke up”. And not only this, he also asked her to hangout again a freaking week ago. The girl told me all of this. And when he asked she gave him her work schedule. But apparently he realized he actually didn’t want to hang with her and so they just never did.

I also found out that he’s been flirting with girls on Snapchat, and adding/unadding them when we are hanging out or not hanging out. He has gotten hinge multiple times throughout the past 6 months of us dating.

This was his excuse. He said “everytime I was uncertain about you I just got hinge to get attention. But it didn’t even go anywhere. I didn’t text any of them or call/FaceTime any of them. It was a mistake and I realized after seeing how much this hurt you that I will never do this again. I promise”.

I have done nothing since February when we found out about the cheating and made a commitment to eachother. I have been 100% loyal to him. I have not texted another man, flirted with another man or hung out with another man. I’m the type of person that if I make a promise I will not break it. I know i cheated on him the first 3 weeks of us dating, but clearly I was not ready to jump into a relationship after only being single for 3 weeks. This is not an excuse, it’s just the truth.

He says he wants to prove to me how loyal and amazing he can be. He said he realized how committed I actually was and how committed he is going to be from here on out. The thing about all of this, I FOUND OUT BY BEING A DETECTIVE. even after I found out about the hinge, I brought it up to him and he was only telling me what I knew. Until I knew more information and brought it up he would then say “oh yeah i forgot about that I’m sorry, it meant nothing, it was a mistake”. He said he didn’t tell me about any of this because he was too ashamed. And I asked him if there was anymore information he was withholding and he said no trust me. Then couple days later is when I found out MYSELF that he hung out with a girl. When I brought it up to him he just said the same thing. He said “I only did it to see how it would feel, to see if I had true feelings for you or not”. And then he said “it was wierd and awkward when I hung out with her. I didjt like the feeling and realized I liked you”. Which is weird right, because he asked her to hangout again last week??

I really don’t want to see comments about how stupid I am for still being with him and how I need to breakup with him. That’s not what I’m looking for. I guess I’m looking for the psychology behind all of this.

Why did he do that? How can he say he loves me and cares about me when he did this? How insecure is he? Does he do it for attention when he’s sad? What could the psychology be?