I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Patient-Tea9555

Originally posted to r/AITH

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: AITAH for asking my stepbrother to take eggs off the menu at his own wedding?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Thanks to u/FunnyAnchor123, u/Accomplished_Tip9422, & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the latest update

Trigger Warnings: >!deliberately ignoring food allergies, ableism!<

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RECAP

Original Post: June 14, 2026

This is a throw away account because both my step brother and his fiancée have Reddit.

My step brother and his fiancée are getting married soon. It is a destination wedding, the destination is very hot.

For some background my step brother and his fiancée met at the gym about 7 years ago. Didn’t start going out till about a year into their friendship and finally got engaged summer. They met through a mutual love for the gym and with that comes a mutual love for protein. Here the problem, I am allergic to a majority of animal protein (seafood and eggs mostly) I am also a little bit of a picky eater, but I believe that is my own problem, so I don’t let it affect other people (in everyday situations obviously).

Now I have known my step brother since he was 4. I obviously lived with him for many years, baby sat him, drove him everywhere (I am 7 years older than him). We see each other as if we are blood related.

For his wedding I have done a lot of planning with them because I had a wedding myself, so I know how it goes. For their destination they chose a beach and the wedding will start before sunrise. So they can have the sun rise while the ceremony happens. It’s super cute!!

I looked at the menu and there will be literally nothing I can eat. For breakfast eggs Benedict on some sort of potato patty with either herbs or mushrooms on top. There will also be a seafood bar throughout the day. And course an alcoholic beverage bar. They hired a caterer to do all this and the request for substitutions I have to go through my step brother first (which is a no brainer, and I have nothing against that).

When I found out the plans for the food I asked if I could have a substitute meal he said no, I offered to pay for it he said no because “I would just feel so guilty if I made you pay for your own meal at my wedding” or something like that. TBH I’d rather pay for my own food than die. There are no fast food places around. My hotel doesn’t start serving food till 8 and I’ll be at the wedding still. I don’t and literally can’t go the whole day without food because I am literally disabled. I have a connective tissue disorder there are a lot of symptoms that come with it and I need to eat or else I could get very sick and irritable.

I understand why he might be upset by me asking for my own meal because growing up I was really picky with my food. But now I try my best to eat what I can. Eggs give me a rash and the shits. Seafood gives me anaphylaxis, but only when I eat it so I can still touch it and be fine, it’s a kind of mild allergy but I can still die if left untreated.

Having an alternative or just replacing the eggs with something else would make my life so much easier. My husband is on my side obviously but the rest of my family while still concerned about my allergies thinks I should just suck it up. So AITAH for asking my step brother to take eggs off the menu at his own wedding?

Edit: there are hors d’oeuvres at the wedding that do not have seafood in them. My options are pickles and spinach dip with crackers, there’s also cream cheese.

Relevant Comments

OOP on skipping meals at the wedding

> OOP: I’m disabled skipping meals in the heat can kill me.

Commenter 1: TBH I thought this would be one of those things where someone just didn’t want to eat what was on the menu but in your case you literally cannot eat any of the foods. Why can your step brother not just let you have something that you can eat. He might feel bad but at least you’d be able to eat something. Surely you can be an exception > > OOP: He said that I can eat some of the hors d’oeuvre from the seafood bar. But I don’t think that will be enough. >> >> Commenter 2: You said in your post there is literally nothing you can eat. Now you're saying there are foods you can eat. YTA >>> >>> OOP: There are pickles I can eat that’s literally it. Technically, due to contamination I shouldn’t be eating this either. >>>> >>>> Commenter 2: So your brother wants you to only eat pickles at his wedding? >>>>> >>>>> OOP: Basically yes and artichoke dip!

OOP on calling the caterer directly to figure out the meal accommodations if her brother doesn't want to deal with this

> OOP: I will be doing that at some point. I’m going to have a sit down convo with him and his fiancée about this. Also there are other people going to the wedding who might need meal subs I’ll talk to them, see if they have asked yet and if so what he told them. I’m really confused on what’s going on with him. I tend to dance around ideas when I’m talking to people so maybe he didn’t clock what I was trying to say. Idk but I might give an update on Monday.

> I’m going to talk to him either tomorrow or next week just to see if maybe he’s just not understanding what I’m saying. Most of my conversations with him was over the phone or text.

Commenter 3: I think you need to be a bit more assertive - "this isn't me being picky, I'm allergic to eggs. It will be a bad time for everyone if I eat eggs. I'm willing to talk to the caterer and pay for my meal to not make your wedding about me absolutely shitting myself because of eggs. This doesn't have to be hard on anyone - I need to eat and it can't be eggs."

> OOP: Thank you for this, I really appreciate hearing this kind of advice :)

Commenter 4: YTA bring your own food if you are that picky/allergic and there truly will be no other food available at the venue (which is unlikely) But I seriously doubt that every single dish has eggs or seafood. You don’t ask someone to change their entire menu just for you.

> OOP: It’s not a venue it’s a beach, a tent and a catering service.

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Clarification Update: June 17, 2026 (three days later)

CLARIFICATION UPDATE, AITAH for asking my Step brother to take eggs off the menu at his wedding?

I wanted to come on here clear some things up and answer some questions. First of all, thank you everyone for your opinions, both positive and negative. I understand that people don’t really like picky eaters, or enjoy having to go out of their way to help someone who has my issues. And I wanted to confirm that my title was click bait and I am extremely apologetic for that. It won’t happen again, I am sorry. My further titles will be 100% to the point.

Now for the question,

- Am I karma fishing?

No, I’m not karma fishing. This is not my actual account so karma fishing on this account would take me nowhere. This account will be scrapped after I solve my issue.

- Can I bring my own food?

This question was more of a statement less of a question a lot of times, but I will end up bringing my own food, If it comes down to that.

- Does my brother hate me?

No, I don’t think he does. His response to me asking for a substitution was very out of character. This entire situation has been very weird and I’m excited for it to be over.

- Am I faking my disabilities or allergies?

No I am not, I am allergic to seafood (shellfish and fish) and have a sensitivity to eggs (they make me shit and vomit) and I’m not faking my disabilities, saying that someone is faking their disability is insanely disrespectful. I didn’t want to be specific to what I have just for personal reasons, but I have POTS along with EDS, and some other smaller issues.

Here is a more in depth rundown to the conversation we had on the phone:

I asked, “so what kind of food are you going to be having at the wedding?” to which he responded and told me about the breakfast and the seafood after. I asked him about substitutions for anyone who is allergic and he said he wasn’t sure about substitutions and he was probably going to have to run with no for right now. I told him that people weren’t going to be too happy with that answer and that at my own wedding I had to make multiple different substitutions. I said that I would be more than happy to pay for those substitutions if he needed it. to that he replied that he would feel bad for me to have to pay for substitutions.

I am having a sit down conversation with him on Saturday so y’all will be getting an actual update by them. I’d love any advice on what to say to him. This situation has been so confusing for me. Thank you all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: So you're mildly allergic to eggs (your body vomiting the eggs is an allergic reaction. I found this out because I have a mild allergy to shrimp and nuts.), and you're allergic to seafood and shellfish... but you just said that's his whole menu.

I can't say if he hates you, but this makes it sound like he doesn't want you at the wedding. I'm not sure why POTS or EDS would be an issue. I would see where his head is at and say I'm not going for my own safety because it is. If he is like "great ok this was a good talk", he didn't want you to go. However if he's like "why can’t you go?" then he's not seeing that you have allergies. Honestly I wouldn't go personally because I know the feeling of your throat swelling and not being able to breathe and being in the hospital with all sorts of machines around me.

Good luck.

> OOP: POTS and EDS (editor’s note: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome & Ehlers-Danlos syndrome) is an issue because they make me severely prone to dehydration, blood sugar drops and blood pressure drops. I have fainted in the past and not going without eating a big enough meal for this long could cause me to faint. There is even a possibility of death. dizziness and severe brain fog are also symptoms.

Commenter 2: Does he know you're allergic to eggs and seafood? The way you describe the conversation was you asking about "people with allergies" instead of saying that YOU have an allergy. Just tell him you're allergic and in order to attend, you will need a different meal and that you're happy to pay for it. If he says no, then you tell him that you're sorry he feels that way, but since you would like to continue to be alive, you will not be able to attend.

> OOP: He does know I’m allergic to seafood and eggs, we’ve been siblings for a long time I said that in my OG post

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Update #1: June 20, 2026 (three days later)

UPDATE, AITAH for asking my Step brother to take eggs off my menu at his wedding?

It’s Saturday y’all here’s the update you guys have been waiting for.

After I made the original post. I talked to my aunt who is also going to the wedding. She has a dairy allergy. I asked her if she had talked to them about food at the wedding and she said she had and they were fairly understanding and explained to her that the only part of the food she might have to substitute would be the hollandaise sauce and she would just not eat cream cheese from the hors d’oeuvres. And butter for any seafood is on the side. They were fully supportive in giving her the substitution she needs. So confused me gave my aunt the rundown on what I had experienced, and she was just as puzzled as I was.

Today, I had a sit down conversation with him asked about the food situation. I asked why he said no about my substitutions. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I asked why everyone else who wanted substitutions got them. Again he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. But when I brought up paying for my own substitutions. Oh, did he talk! he said that the whole not wanting to let me pay for my own substitutions was just a misunderstanding. He thought that I meant I wanted to pay for everyone’s substitutions (I would be fine with if that was something I had to do btw), but he didn’t want me doing that, ofc I understand.

The last question I asked was, if accommodations were available, why was I the only person being told no?

I told him that I talked to our aunt, and I know that her food substitution was granted. He then danced around that topic as well. Saying stuff like “well you know aunty, she can get anything she wants. You know how she is!” basically making a joke about our aunt being a Karen (not my fav thing to hear). Finally I just said I would be more than happy to talk to the caterer myself if that was necessary. That’s when he got quiet.

Then he asked me not to contact the caterer. I was so confused and still am! the more I pushed for answers, the more uncomfortable he became. Finally, after about five minutes of going in circles, he admitted that he knew substitutions were possible (obviously, me and him both knew this already).

Apparently the caterer had offered allergy accommodations, which is what my aunt told me as well. Not only that but several guests had already requested modifications to their meals (my aunt being one of them).

That's when things got even weirder.

He told me that his fiancée had specifically mentioned me when they were discussing dietary restrictions. Apparently she thought my dietary restrictions were "annoying". He said he tried to convince her that it wasn’t a big deal, but she shut down any further discussion about it. I told him that I had medical needs and I can’t be in the heat without food. Therefore, I do not feel comfortable attending. He got really frantic and said he’ll talk to her. I told him I was going to talk to her anyways. He got weird about that too. I also made sure that he knew even if I wasn’t going I would still continue to help with the planning, which didn’t really calm him down, I just left after that. This entire situation is getting weirder and weirder..

I’m going to talk to his fiancée next, probably tomorrow. But for now the saga continues ig lol.

Thanks for the support and suggestions! lol

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Just don't go. For real. His wifey-to-be doesn't like you and doesn't care if you're going without food. I would never celebrate the union of such a couple. > > Commenter 2: I reckon it is not the wife-to-be but the step brother. I bet there is some weird resentment about 'special treatment' from when they were younger... >> >> OOP: Idk about special treatment I am quite a bit older than him. I also don’t think his fiancée dislikes me we get along nicely, she’s very lovely to be around.

Commenter 3: Is there any reason your step-brother may have to resent you? Even a very petty reason? Do you get more attention from parents because of your medical issues? Are you considered the "successful" child? Did your family avoid eating your allergens and now he might hold a grudge over it? I find his dancing around the questions to be very odd. You can talk to his fiancée, but I'm genuinely wondering if this isn't his decision and his way of somehow "getting payback" for some imagined slight.

> OOP: Not really. I got diagnosed with most of my medical issues around grade 2 so I didn’t know him yet. I’m not particularly successful, I’m not poor. I work in an art field so you can probably imagine how that’s going right now. I really hope this isn’t payback for anything because I don’t see a reason behind it. I’m older than him. I basically took care of him all the time, aside from one weekends when my mom and step dad weren’t working.

Commenter 4: It's sad that your brother would marry someone so rude and lacking compassion. It's up to you to go to the wedding or not. The future does not look bright for your relationship with your brother. Sometimes it happens that way. My sister-in-law and her mother hated me. It went on for years until she cheated on him and they got a divorce and then my brother and I were closer than ever. So you never know.

> OOP: What I don’t understand, though is why she hates me. Me and my husband have been friends with her for years. It makes no sense.

Commenter 5: I’m sorry but it sounds like they just don’t want you to go and the fiancée has issues with you. Just don’t go, don’t even bother talking to her!

> OOP: I’m not planning on going if they don’t want me to go. I’m in at place right now where I don’t feel respected. I put a lot of work into helping them now and over the years. I’m really confused on what’s going on. I could be oblivious, but I see no reason for either of them to dislike me. I’ve known both of them for years obviously, my stepbrother is my brother, I was almost always taking care of him when he was a kid. And his fiancée has been a friend of mine even before they were dating. This entire thing makes no sense. I’m so confused.

Commenter 6: Well, will there be egg in everything? What specifically can you not eat?

> OOP: I’m not 100% sure what the entire event is going to look like food wise because that’s not where I was helping. I just recently got a rundown of what the food is going to look like it was just what they told me. The only things that won’t have egg in it or the little potato patty with mushrooms that I mentioned in my first post and some artichoke dip with crackers and cream cheese and pickles.

Commenter 7: Why on earth would you go talk to the fiancée about this? Respectfully that is absolutely not your place. Let him deal with her, your relationship is with him. If he’d rather capitulate than stand up for your legitimate medical needs to ensure you can be a part of his wedding, then that should tell you everything you need to know. Also, wtf do you mean you’re gonna keep helping these people!? Girl, no! They can’t give basic respect for your HEALTH, they don’t deserve your money or your time.

> OOP: I didn’t mention this, but there are a lot of people asking about it, but I was friends with the fiancée before my brother and her got together, I was the one that introduced them.

Commenter 8: If you go PLEASE bring an epi-pen with you just in case the sweet and lovely bride "accidentally" gets seafood in your food. I wouldn't trust that one.

> OOP: I absolutely will be bringing an EpiPen. I always bring one in my bag that I keep all of my other fun medical gadgets in in that department I am safe.

OOP on accepting their health issues

> OOP: As a disabled person, I have learned to accept no my entire life. I’ve also learned to speak up for myself when it is necessary, and I truly believe that this is a point where it is necessary I’m going to try my best to help myself without needing others as I’ve done my entire life. This isn’t disappointment. This is just me trying to not have a medical emergency at someone else’s wedding.

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#----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: June 29, 2026 (nine days later from the previous update)

I know I said I was going to update y’all after I talked to the fiancée, but things got a little too hectic with work and this stuff, so I forgot.

To start off I did go and talk to

I called her and we had an odd conversation. I asked if I could have the substitutions and she said that she would not be able to do that for me. I told her that I could pay for it myself. She said no. I asked her why, and she said that the accommodation that I was too “random”, also she said I was and I quote “strong enough to handle some eggs” (whatever that means!!!?) and that I could just deal with it myself. I explained to her that there was absolutely nothing at the wedding I could eat other than pickles and artichoke dip, which is not enough sustenance to last me the hot day. She told me to stop complaining and suck it up. How kind of her.

I was very taken back by this because we have been really friendly over the years that I’ve known her. In fact I knew her before my brother and her got together because she was a part of my husband‘s friend group and still is. I was the one who actually set up her and my brother up, which is another reason why I offered to help with their wedding.

I called my brother again and asked him what the hell was going on because, I had a very odd and somewhat disrespectful conversation with his fiancée. He made up an excuse saying everyone is stressed and that wedding planning is stressful, which it is 100% true and things got blown out of proportion. But I still can’t figure out why I was the only person who got a different answer.

On Monday I finally just took all of your advice and sent my brother a message where said I would bring my own food and if that was a problem I wouldn’t come. As much as I love him I live my health and respect a little more. Left me on open for about 6 hours then wrote back “that’s fine just don’t make it too noticeable please” and that was the last I heard of him for a bit.

BUT on Friday after work I went out with one of my best friends who is in the same friend group as my husband and the fiancée, but I’ve been friends with her for a long time. Basically me her and her sister were childhood friends, but she only met my husband and that friend group in college. Anyways, she told me that the fiancée and my husband had a very minor talking stage relationship sort of thing during college but that ended as fast as it started. My friend being her gossipy self said that she thinks my brothers fiancée might still be in love with my husband.

I didn’t think that was true till I was jokingly telling my husband about what our friend said and my husband said he believes that could be a possibility. UMM WHAT?!

So I asked to take a look at their private messages. And well.. she is messaging him almost every day. Despite them being in the same friend group he isn’t insanely close with her. So these messages are him either having casual polite conversation, short conversation about shared plans or interests or him ignoring her. I didn’t go all the way back, but from what I can see there is nothing weird going on. I trust my husband with my whole heart and believe he is loyal.

From this point on I’m not really sure what to do. There is no real proof that my friends intuition is what’s actually going on and I truly believe this situation to be one big misunderstanding. I don’t even care about the food I’ll bring my own.

Anyways just let me know what should I do now? I’ve basically given up.

Edit: I think I confused everyone with how my brother and his fiancée met. So first of all ignore the wording of my posts in general. I introduced them because I invited my brother to a get together that me and my husband were having. I didn’t introduce them with the intent of them ending il together because there is an age gap. But at that gathering they started as gym buddies and worked their way to getting married soon. I didn’t mention the fact that I introduced them because that wasn’t important at the time.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I know family is important to you, but it sounds like you are not important to them. Good luck.

> OOP: Thank you, they truly are so important.

Commenter 2: Do you have the kind of relationship with your step-brother that you, or better your husband, could let him know that his fiancée is attention seeking in that way?

> OOP: I might get my husband to tell him. Because he never told me they had that kind of relationship in the past and I wouldn’t have set my brother up with her if I had of known. So it’s the least he could do lol.

Commenter 3: Warn your brother then back away. Give him receipts. Then back way the fuck up. Don't attend that wedding, would be my advice. And tell your husband to block this nutty dame. Yikes.

> OOP: I just wish I had receipts all I have is whispers that they were once together.

Commenter 4: Sorry, your brother's fiancée has been texting your husband for months, is thought to be possibly still in over with him, he sometimes texts back, and you were unaware of how often she texts him? I think that is something he should have mentioned that to you, even if her texts were mundane.

> OOP: They’ve been friends longer than I’ve been with him. So I was expecting them to have conversations it just looked a little desperate on her part since they don’t hangout outside family gatherings and the friend group. Also with my new found knowledge that they once were together things looked a little more sinister.

Commenter 5: INFO: brother’s fiancée is texting your husband? Daily?

Why didn’t he ask her about your meal in the first place?

> OOP: Because it’s my issue not his. I think this is either a me thing or a disabled person thing, but I don’t really like when people ask things for me. I like to be at the table when discussing my own issues.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/viserya127

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH I don't want custody of my sister's 3 kids?

Thanks to u/SmartQuokka for the suggestion!

Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of drug use, health issues, finance struggles!<

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Original Post: June 2, 2026

I (29F) have 1 kid (11F). My sister (32F) has 3 kids (11F, 8F, 6F). The oldest is also autistic. About 3 years ago my sister lost custody of her kids. The girls were split up in the system for a little over a year before our mom (52F) got custody 2 years ago. Over the last 2 years the girls have been really thriving. They're happy, healthy, doing well in school...

Recently my mom got some unexpected health issues that are severely impacting her mobility and energy. There is no cure. She called me last week to ask if I would take the girls, so they aren't split up in the system again. My heart sank.

I LOVE my nieces. There's no denying that. And my daughter loves her cousins. The kids all get along great. They live on the opposite side of the country, but I visit whenever possible. I'm always planning all sorts of activities and experiences for them, and encouraging them to pursue the things they love. The oldest loves art, the middle child loves gymnastics and the youngest loves Pokémon and video games. I plan things we can all do together and I make sure they each get one on one time too. I would die for these girls. But I just don't have the means to care for them full time.

My husband and I are considered a low income family. After a decade of saving, we finally bought a small 2 bed townhouse, but there's barely enough room for the 3 of us, let alone another 3 kids too.

I suggested my mom move closer so I can help more day to day, but she shot that down rather quickly. Her reasons were she didn't want to pull the kids out of their current school (but I guess it's ok if I do??), and with her health issues she didn't want to have to find a new Dr (that one is pretty valid, there's a serious health care crisis in my country). Us moving closer to them is not an option, we would both have to find new jobs and my husband's current job has really good benefits we can't afford to lose. My mom is retired so the only thing tying her to her current location is her Dr.

My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose my nieces to the system again. I love the relationship we have. But I don't see how I could sustainably take on the 3 of them full time. My mom and my sister have been calling me heartless and that I haven't fully thought it through, but I have. I've been thinking about it every day for over 3 years when my sister first lost custody.

TLDR: My sis lost custody of her 3 kids years ago. My mom got custody a couple years ago but now she has health issues and asked me to care for them instead. I don't think I have the means financially or the space.

EDIT: Oh wow I already can't keep up with the comments so I'm going to address a couple questions here. The dad is not in the picture, he has 2 other kids from 2 other women that he also walked out on. My sister is on drugs and living in a tent (but it's got a great view of the lake! 🙄). There's no other family that could help.

My mother is also low income, and her retirement funds barely cover their costs of living as is, but I will definitely be looking more into other resources and government funding. Thank you to those providing actual helpful advice and suggestions.

I am not in the US

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was unanimously NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Why can't the sister regain custody at this point? it’s been years.

> OOP: She hasn't given up the drugs yet

Commenter 2: Someone who lost custody of her kids doesn’t get to have an opinion about my parenting choices. Where’s the dad? Because she & he let them down, not you. Time to be honest.

> OOP: The dad is a dead beat with 2 other kids from 2 other women

OOP on her husband's views regarding the situation

> OOP: He works 60 hours a week with an hour + commute. He's barely home unless it's to sleep. At the end of the day he supports whatever I decide, but I think that's because he knows it'll be me doing the vast majority of the heavy lifting

Commenter 3: NTA. What does your Mom expect? She is ok with 4 kids crammed together in one room to sleep in, 6 people to 1 bathroom?? And the emotional fallout of the change and everyone in a small space together as well as 3 more hungry people to feed a d clothe. Your Mom knows how expensive it is to have these kids, how does she expect YOU to do it? It’s entirely plausible to temporarily place them through a case worker while the family comes together to brainstorm any possible solutions even if the end result is still no. Your Mom has to know that it's not like you HATE these kids. The money and the resources aren't there. What is she expecting? Very cruel for people to dump it all on you and call you heartless. Not cool.. I’m so very sorry! You are doing the best you can. Huggzz🥰.

> OOP: Thank you! It's been a very long running pattern that I'm expected the pick up the pieces of every mess in this family. I've worked my butt off to give my own daughter a better life than I had. I would do the same for my nieces in a heartbeat if I thought I could actually sustain it

OOP responds to a comment on caring for an autistic child

> OOP: > > > it sounds like you haven't fully considered the responsibility of taking care of an autistic child and how draining that can be at times? > > She struggles socially, but she's incredibly smart and likes being independent. With the right guidance she's going to go very far in life. I have all the patience in the world for her beautiful soul

Commenter 4: NTA So your daughter would spend her teenage years sharing her room with her two three female cousins, who are highly likely to eventually have behavior problems from their trauma. And the boy cousin would probably be sleeping on the couch I guess? You can’t do this- it would harm your child, and your primary responsibility is to your child and your husband. Your marriage and your daughter would not come through this unscathed.

Edited to correct gender of the children.

> OOP: The kids really do all get along great. Whenever we visit my nieces say they want to adopt my daughter as their 4th sister. I get where you're coming from with the behavior issues from trauma, but my first instinct when my mom first got custody was to put them in therapy and she did. They really are thriving now. And my patience knows no bounds when it comes to those kids

Commenter 5: Certainly not TAH. If you asked child services to come take a look at your house and tell you if you could take in three more children and still have them thrive, I am sure they would say no. You don’t have the space, the money, nor the time to take in all three. Your mother can’t move closer to you, and you having just gotten a new place certainly can’t move closer to her. I don’t see a way in which this works without the girls getting taken again anyways.

That being said, my heart breaks for you and I’m deeply sorry. It’s not your fault. Can you still keep contact with them if they’re in foster care? Even just knowing that their family didn’t give up on them would make a world of difference I think. And what is your sister doing? Does she see the kids at all? Is she helping your mother in any way? Or is she out of the picture and just pointing fingers at you as the only person left? That doesn’t seem fair to me.

> OOP: My sister is not allowed to see the kids unless it's CPS supervised AND she can provide a clean drug test (which she can't)

OOP on if there are any other family members who can take in the kids

> OOP: The godfather (kids uncle) is dead. We all went no contact with the godmother (our cousin) after she married a pedo. My sisters only friends are just as reliable as my sister

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Update: June 29, 2026 (nearly four weeks later)

It's been a hectic month, but before I dive into the update I wanted to address a few more comments and questions from my last post that I was just too overwhelmed to elaborate on at the time. I'm sorry if it's a bit long. You can skip to the bottom for the update.

I've spoken to the kids case worker. She interviewed me when my mother was first trying to get custody to ask about my upbringing and ensure it would be a good environment for the kids. I reached out more recently to go over logistics if I were to take them in. The case worker told me she thinks I would be a great fit to give them a stable home, but I lack the adequate space needed to be approved as their guardian. She offered to look into low income housing options in my area that would be big enough, but the waitlists are unbelievably long.

Finances:

Yes, we would receive a decent chunk of funding per child (and twice as much for the eldest on the spectrum) to help cover the kids costs. But its money that I would be spending on food, clothes and other day to day necessities, not money I could put towards a down payment on a bigger house. That financial assistance also wouldn't be considered income as far as my mtg approval goes because its money for the kids, not me. And when I say we JUST bought a small townhouse, I meant we closed a little over a month ago and haven't even finished getting settled yet. It also took our entire savings to do so. We are financially sitting back at square 1 again. Breaking our brand new mortgage (not to mention the legal costs and realtor fees etc.) is not financially feasible. We also received first time home buyer rebates in our closing costs/ land transfer tax (thousands $$) that we would have to pay back if we don't live in our new house as our primary residence for at least a year. The rent prices where I live are about twice the cost of my mtg, so even putting aside all those other factors, renting again still just doesn't make sense. The math is not mathing. If I could just win the lotto my problems would be solved.

Luckily my husband has an amazing benefits plan through his work, so dental, glasses, meds, and even therapy are all covered and would extend to the kids if we got custody. All 3 need glasses and the youngest has a nasty habit of losing or breaking hers.

Caring for special needs:

I mentioned the eldest on the spectrum struggles socially and with emotional regulation. She's also incredibly bright and appreciates her space and independence. I spent a lot of time volunteering with special needs kids when I was in high school and I know how difficult it CAN be. My niece is not what I would consider difficult. She might operate a little differently, but it's nothing out of my scope. My daughter is actually very similar to my niece in all of these aspects and as I said before, my patience knows no bounds when it comes to these kids.

I'm also fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work from home when needed. I do have to go into the office a couple days a week for some tasks that can't be handled remotely, but it's flexible enough that I can be home for emergencies, sick days, or even if it's just to go see their school talent show or something. My husband on the other hand has a very demanding job. It's impossible to do remotely and it's not something he can easily call in sick from. Even if I had a huge emergency, he would have to wait for his replacement to enter the control room before he could leave.

Building resentment in my husband and daughter:

I've talked about this with my husband extensively since my sister first lost custody. He knows how much I love those girls and would support my decision to take them in if we could swing it. While I haven't talked to my daughter about it because I don't want her to get her hopes up over something that likely can't happen, I can say that she's begged me for a sibling every year since she was a toddler. She's had a really hard time with bullies at school, and her cousins are her best friends. She would happily welcome them all with open arms even if it meant being cramped in 1 room.

THE UPDATE:

My mom and nieces are currently visiting me (we're camping just outside my city), and we seem to have found our compromise. My mom is going to take the year to scrape together what money she can for a down payment to move closer to me. She's also going to ask her dr about referrals to a dr in my city. In the meantime, I've offered to take the girls during major school breaks (summer, spring break and Christmas). The house will still be very cramped during those weeks, but we spend the majority of the summer camping anyway, so the tight quarters aren't for very long periods of time.

My husband (I truly don't know what I did to deserve him) has offered to work as much overtime as he's allowed to help us replenish our savings and hopefully get a bigger place when it's time to renew our mortgage. My work won't let me do any overtime. On a totally unrelated note, does anyone have any advice or insight on how to get into selling feet pics? Asking for a friend 🤣

My sister found my original post and has been blowing up my phone with nasty texts and voice messages, she even made some wild Facebook posts about what a traitor of a sister I am. I simply don't have the energy to listen to her 2 cents on the matter so I'm ignoring her on all fronts.

We definitely can't take custody any time soon, but we haven't shut down the possibility of taking them in in the future when it makes more sense. I think this possibility is what's keeping my mother cooperative for the time being.

This will likely be the last update unless the plan for my mom’s move next year craps out (knock on wood). Thank you to everyone that gave genuinely helpful advice and support. Time to go swimming.

Relevant / Top Comments

**Downvoted Commenter: ** Renew your mortgage? A mortgage is a loan to purchase a home that is 15-30 years. Do you mean a lease? A lease renews yearly. Your sister should be thanking you for trying to take care of her children! You didn't take away her custody! Why does she think you’re a traitor? Makes no sense

> OOP: Our mortgage is 30 years, but it get renewed every 3 years

Commenter 1: Depending on where OP lives, mortgages can be renewed every few years, e.g. take advantage of better interest rates, switch from fixed to variable. Etc.

> OOP: Yes, this is how it works where I live

Commenter 2: Are you going to this over the kids heads? If this angers you don’t help them. It sounds like you’re more concerned about money. You don’t break a mortgage. You sell for more or rent it out for income. Kids need to know they’re more important than money

> OOP: I'm not more concerned about money than the kids. Money was the one thing everyone stressed in my original post, so I elaborated here to provide clarity. Yes money is a big factor, but the anger you sense here is you projecting. > > Where I live, selling or paying out your mortgage before the term is up is called breaking the mtg and it comes with very large pre-payment penalty fees. As I mentioned in my post, that's not feasible at the moment.

Commenter 3: Careful about the first time home buyer rebate. Many people found out the hard way it was a loan, and they had to pay it back.

> OOP: The FTHB rebate isn't a loan. If they had to pay it back then they either weren't a FTHB or they didn't live in it as their primary residence for at least a year.

Commenter 4: Your sister can kick rocks, you are handling this in the best way you can. Far better than me I wouldn’t be able to do this for my sister (and only one of her kids is a minor). Because it just wouldn’t be feasible since I can barely care for myself and I have to keep an eye on my father (brain damage and just overall declining health). Your sister should be grateful that you and mom are doing your best to find a way to make this work as soon as possible. People like your sister need to learn that not everyone can drop everything and take in family that they can’t afford/don’t have room for/jobs don’t allow for flexibility/can’t physically or mentally handle it. Especially when it’s children.

Commenter 5: NTA. Best possible outcome. It takes a village. Just make sure your husband doesn't overwork himself. He comes before cousins.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Apart-Landscape220

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for not wanting to help with my niece’s party?

Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability

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Original Post: May 23, 2026

My older sister (29f) and brother-in-law (28m) have struggled financially for basically their entire adult lives. they became parents to 3 girls really young, so I’ve always tried to give them grace and help where I can.

Last year, my son turned 2. we had his birthday party about two weeks early because his actual birthday is usually too cold for outdoor stuff where we live. my husband and I invited my sister to do a combined birthday party at our house for my niece, who was turning 8 around the same time.

because money was tight for them (and because they were stressing about costs constantly), I ended up paying for basically everything for my niece’s side too — decorations, food, cake, etc. I had already rented a bounce house for my son, but upgraded it so older kids could use it too.

I also promised my other two nieces (11 and 10) that I'd help make their birthday special this summer because they did not have a party last year due to their parents finances.

so now their party is coming up in June. this past weekend, my nieces called me asking if I was still helping plan it. obviously I said yes because I love them and would never want to disappoint them.

at first, my sister wanted to do the party at a park. my nieces didn’t even want that because it’ll be hot, humid, or raining. I suggested renting out an arcade in my city and doing a stranger things-themed arcade party for 3 hours. the girls were so excited about it.

then my sister shut it down immediately because she said the “50 people she invited” wouldn’t want to drive 25 minutes.

here’s the thing: most of these people aren’t even there for the kids. half of them don’t have children, won’t bring gifts, and are basically just my brother-in-law’s family/friends who turn every event into drinking, smoking, loud music, and drama. my nieces didn’t even want a lot of them there in the first place.

meanwhile, I offered to pay for:

• the arcade rental

• food

• decorations

• cake

basically everything.

but my sister still refused because she wants everyone to be able to come.

at that point I told her if the priority is hosting a giant cookout for adults instead of an actual kids birthday party, then she can pay for it herself.

now we’re arguing about what I “should” still contribute financially. and honestly, I’m frustrated because they’re planning to feed 50 people while barely having groceries at home. I literally had to door dash dinner to their family recently because they had no food.

at this point, I’m considering just mailing my nieces their gifts and stepping away from the whole thing.

aitah?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Stop arguing. You offered a kids' party as your gift to your nieces just like the one for their 8 year old sister. That is all you are offering. Not an adult booze party. Your sister can take it or leave it.

If she doesn't want the kid party at a park or arcade she can do her own thing. Next time I suggest you do not make promises to children.

> OOP: I will no longer be making promises that I intend to keep but ultimately involve another, bigger decisive counterpart. (my sister) > > worst mistake of my life. my poor nieces are miserable.

Downvoted Commenter: I think it is very nice that you want to celebrate your nieces knowing their parents are broke. However, you kind of undermined the parents by planning a different celebration with the kids. I would offer my sister the amount of money you planned to spend on the arcade. Please do not use your money as a weapon. The kids have it bad enough

> OOP: I would never weaponize any money, I also wouldn’t just hand over $350+ to my poorly financially educated sister. it will be gone and nothing for the party will be bought.

Commenter 2: How did she issue invitations without knowing the venue?

> OOP: she used Facebook, apparently it doesn’t have you put a venue in, and you can leave it blank. she posted in the event and said the location is TBD.

Commenter 3: I wouldn’t go so far as to say YTA because you obviously don’t have to pay for a big birthday party, but it sounds like you have a lot of judgements and assumptions about your BIL’s family and are using your initially kind offer to impose those judgements and assumptions.

> OOP: they are not assumptions, I have known this family very well for about 11 years now. I’m only 25. they have been around for 11 birthday parties. it is always the same outcome. drunk, fights, drama and my nieces get about 2 gifts from 25 people.

Commenter 4: take your nieces out for a 'Birthday Day' & let your sister have the home party she wants. NTA

Commenter 5: "What are you doing planning such a huge event ON MY DIME when you can't even afford dinner?" NTA.

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Update: June 16, 2026 (3.5 weeks later)

so, update time since some people were asking for one.

for starters, I told my sister ahead of time that I will not be attending the party due to my brother-in-law’s extremely annoying family and I will not be helping with the costs because it is not what they want to do. instead of attending, I sent my nieces money over cashapp two days after posting the original post and agreed to take them to the arcade next week for another birthday "party".

my sister and brother-in-law took their money and used it to buy fast food for themselves, my three nieces and my brother-in-law’s aunt. so, there's that.

let's cut to this past Sunday, their birthday party. it stormed the entire time and about 45 minutes before the party ended, it got extremely humid and gross. their decorations were destroyed, the food was rained on, it was a mess. just as I assumed, there were about 30 people there and they received TWO gifts each and around $150 each from their grandpa (my sisters father), mine and my sister's great aunt and their aunt (my brother-in-law’s sister)... one niece had NO friends there because the storm and the other had a friend show up for about 30 minutes and left because of the rain. barely ANY kids were there.

my nieces are very much looking forward to going to the arcade and getting some boba. they seemed so disappointed in their birthday party, and I am genuinely upset for them. I wish they would have had a better party, but I will always strive to give them the best, even if I look foolish.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: So the nieces got nothing?

Why did you give them money instead of taking them somewhere? I think it was obvious to everyone reading this what would happen to it.

> OOP: we are very much still going to the arcade.. I said that in the post. I sent them money because they were going to the skating rink and wanted to buy some stuff. they didn’t get to go.

Commenter 2: Absolutely agree. How did she send money to a 10 year old thinking the parents WOULDN’T intercept it?

> OOP: they have their own cards through cashapp kid accounts, didn’t expect my sister to snatch it out.

Commenter 3: How about open a new bank account under your name and you hold the money for them until they are old and independent enough? Also for in the future if they have a job it can be deposit to that account.

Commenter 4: I don’t know if you can actually protect your sister’s kids from your sister’s lifetime of (?willful) financial incompetence. Their selfishness, short sightedness, greed and laziness seems endless.

Commenter 5: Clearly your sister is irresponsible as they are the sort of people to have kids when they can’t afford them but have the mindset of “family helps family” or some sort of other bullshit.

I agree with the other posts. Take them for a fun birthday day every year or every year it’s going to a shitshow.

I like the idea of setting up bank accounts for them in your name so their parents can’t touch shit.

Give them a yearly birthday budget of say $150, they can blow it all or spend $20 on a cheap meal and bank the rest. If they do this btw I’d personally just pay the full $150 so they get the concept of saving money.

At 18 years old they get the balance to do whatever they want with.

When they are 18 set up bank accounts in their name that their parents cannot access unless they want to commit fraud.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CloudySide7

Originally posted to r/TwoXChromosomes

My dad ate my birthday cake

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!controlling behavior, theft, misogyny!<

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Original Post: June 25, 2026

I've been seeing a lot of videos online about how men will weaponize food and how it's seen as acceptable for men to eat up a lot of food even if it means other people won't get any of it. That same situation happens a lot with my dad, but I guess I had assumed that since it was my birthday I'd get some of my birthday cake. This happened about two weeks ago but I'm still pissed off and really upset about it.

I made a birthday cake for my birthday which was two weeks ago. I had one slice of my cake the day of my birthday. Within 2-3 days the cake was gone. My dad ate almost the entire cake and left the empty container in the fridge. I had told him several times to slow down and even bluntly to stop eating it because he was going back for multiple slices a day. It was also in the fridge and later freezer, so it would've go bad. I was pretty upset about it and tried to complain about it to my mom, but she yelled at me that I was a bad person for "tempting him" and that it was rude abs cruel of me to leave food in the fridge and not expect people to eat it. I never said he couldn't have cake, I just wanted to have MY birthday cake.

I don't know what exactly it is I'm feeling about this whole thing. Sadness and rage I guess? I feel like I should be over it, but I keep getting reminded that I only got one small slice of my birthday cake before a grown man ate the entire rest of it. And it was a really good cake too. Sigh. I know I could just make another cake, but I'm still upset that I'll never get back it being my birthday cake, does that even make sense? I guess it's also the concept that I told him to stop and he still ate the cake. Also that he left the empty container in the fridge. Also it was a fairly big cake. It's not something that should have been gone in 2-3 days consider it's just me and my parents.

Guess I'm just venting but also wondering why is it acceptable for men to do this to their families but women are the bad guys for getting upset about it? Why is that it's okay for a man to eat almost his daughter's entire birthday cake but she's the rude one for being upset about it?

ETA: The reason I didn't eat cake in those 2-3 days is because I was constantly out of the house and doing stuff. I went to get a piece on the evening of the 3rd day and saw the empty container in the fridge. The pieces I had put in the freezer were gone when I checked as well. There was none left. I didn't think I needed for force myself to eat the cake those days because I kept seeing the container in the fridge

ETA 2: To everyone saying cake goes bad after 2-3 days, the cake was in a container in the fridge. That makes it lasts longer, and a simple Google search will tell you that generally speaking cakes can last 5-7 days if stored properly. It was literally in a cake container (the kind they sell to keep cakes fresh longer)

ETA 3: I know I literally said it was a bit of a trend to see these stories posted around, but I'm actually still shocked about how many people have either a very similar or the exact same situation happen to them. And I will say I know it's not all men, I have a primarily male friend group, so I definitely know that majority of men are not like this. I was more so saying that this specific mentality only seems to be present in men and that I never see women doing this. It's not all men but it always seems to be a man.

Editor’s note: OOP has made lots of responses, I am listing some for more context that were not mentioned in the original post

Relevant Comments

OOP on the birthday tradition and cake

> OOP: > >> My dad loved ice cream cake. I loathed ice cream cake. > > Honestly my entire birthday was just this. I wanted a chocolate pistachio cake, he didn't. I ended up getting a vanilla cake which he wanted. I didn't want any ice cream this year and he complained, then went out and bought himself an entire tub of sherbet so he could have ice cream since I "didn't get any for him". > > In my family the birthday person picks a place to eat on their birthday. I wanted Indian food. My dad hates Indian food so that was out. I wanted Middle Eastern food as my second pick, he didn't so that was now out. Eventually I said let's go to Cheesecake Factory, which he agreed to but then complained about the whole time. > > In my family birthday person also picks a movie and the family is supposed to all go see it. I picked Backrooms. He didn't want to see it and since I refused to budge he said he didn't want to come along so I ended up seeing it by myself

Commenter 2: It's also a bit telling of your parents' attitude toward you that you had to bake your own birthday cake.

> OOP: I had just wanted to buy a cake already made but both of them threw a stink about it. My dad threw a fit because he didn't like the kind of cake I originally wanted, and my mom threw a fit because she doesn't like how store bought cake tastes. So I just changed the flavor and made it myself to try and keep the peace

Commenter 3: The putting back the empty container baffles me. How old are your parents?

As a mom, I’d never eat all of something before checking if everyone else had their share. I know my husband does the same. It’s very upsetting when you are looking forward to food and later find that you can’t have it because someone else ate it or even threw it away without asking you first.

You’re not just upset about the cake but the inconsiderateness of all of it. Don’t feel bad for not “getting over it” because it’s not just about the cake but the idea that your dad didn’t even think about your feelings when he ate all of it knowing he had multiple slices and proceeded to take the LAST one and leave the container for you to find.

I’m so sorry. I hope he has the decency to buy you a new one. Or take you out to get a special slice at a nice bakery. Please know that you deserve to be treated with consideration, and I hope you have people in your life that will do that for you, even if they are people you haven’t met yet but will be part of your life in the future.

> OOP: > >> How old are your parents? > > Both are elder Gen X born in the early 1970s > >> your dad didn’t even think about your feelings when he ate all of it knowing he had multiple slices and proceeded to take the LAST one and leave the container for you to find. >
> He left a bunch of frosting in the container, so I was literally digging through it to see if there was any actual cake left and he yelled at me for that. > >> I hope he has the decency to buy you a new one. Or take you out to get a special slice at a nice bakery. > > They won't. Neither of my parents will because they both say I'm being a greedy brat for being upset about this

Commenter 4: Sounds like you need your own fridge with a padlock

I had the same issue as my dad because men don't fucking think, they just go by their base emotions, in this case I see food I eat food.

I talked to my dad and raised a stink and he stopped, if yours won't then a mini fridge is a good options

> OOP: I asked for a mini fridge, but my parents said no, sadly. I'm only here for the summer since I go to college the rest of year. > > I've tried to talk to him about this. I've been polite, I've been firm, hell I've actually been mean about it just to try and get my point across, but he always screams at me and then gets my mom to lecture me about "making a big deal out of nothing" and "tempting him with food"

OOP on her father and her birthday cake

> OOP: He actually didn't even bother to show up for when I did blow out my candles😭 Didn't want to sing happy birthday or watch me blow out my candles but could show up to eat my entire cake

Commenter 5: I'm sorry, HE DIDN'T LIKE THE KIND OF CAKE YOU WANTED... on YOUR birthday.

I don't know if this is intentionally rage-baiting us at this point, because your parents are both behaving like total assholes. Big yikes also that your dad either has

(a) binge eating disorder (b) zero self-control of his most basic impulses, or (c) zero respect or consideration for you.

Possibly more than one of those.

Personally I think you should bake another cake, and tell them loudly and specifically not to eat it as it's YOUR replacement birthday cake, and spike it with surprise ghost chillis.

> OOP: I fully believe he has BED because he hordes fast food wrappers. It's not the first time he's stolen food from me. > > I got a box of protein bars for Christmas (it was a box of 12) and he ate them all and left the empty box in the pantry. Then screamed at me for being upset about it and asking him to replace them. I used to go to Crumbl Cookies more often, and he would eat the cookies I bought with my own money. When I was still in school and buying snacks to bring with my lunch he would eat the entire pack. My mom likes to make large portions of food so we can live off leftovers for the week, and he eats it all in a day or two.

OOP on getting a job to support herself

> OOP: They won't let me get a job while I'm under their roof. I have no savings, no friends that could take me in, no way to get money since I have no car and need their permission to leave the house and the town we live in.

Did OOP get to celebrate her birthday away from her parents?

> OOP: I got to go out with my friends, and there's a boy I like who wished me happy birthday so that was nice! I got to see a movie the following weekend so that was also nice

OOP's background

> OOP: White, deep south America

Commenter 6: Your mom blamed you, too, for tempting him? If I were you, I’d literally make the most fattening/sugary, calorie dense cake I could find a recipe for, and keep it stocked in the fridge for the rest of the summer. Sorry if that’s too petty but I treat myself for my birthday too, so I get it.

> OOP: Her exact words were "You just like to be mean and cruel. You leave food in the fridge that he likes and just expect him to not have any of it knowing he likes it, and then you throw a temper tantrum after tempting him with it"

Commenter 7: Let me guess. He doesn't ever cook or bake a damn thing?

> OOP: Correct. When he does cook he makes it how he likes (which for him means no seasonings at all because according to him it "ruins food") and then yells at us if we don't like it or complain

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I got my cake! (Post update from the birthday cake girl): June 28, 2026 (three days later)

So, hello. I'm the girl who posted a few days ago about how my dad ate almost all of my birthday cake while I only got one slice.

Things between me and my dad are still not really on good terms. He had a flip out on me the night of my post because he (the man who never cooks) was hovering over me while I was cooking and trying to micromanage everything I was doing. He was constantly opening the oven after I put stuff in there and repositioning it, lecturing me about what seasonings I was using, asking me repeatedly if I was sure I knew what I was doing. I hate when people hover over me when I'm doing stuff, so this really bothered me. I calmly told him I didn't need help and that I could do it myself. He then went on a rant about he was trying to "educate and help me" and if he wasn't wanted then he would just leave. I repeated that I didn't need any help and he proceeded to take the pot holders I was using and make a show of throwing them across the room before he stormed off.

I told my mom and she just sighed and said that I probably "caught a tone" with him even though I didn't. I admit that I can sometimes catch an attitude (I'm 19, I think I get a bit of a pass lol) but I swear that this time when talking with him I was calm and levelheaded, I made a point of that when I was telling him I could handle the cooking. So yeah, dad is still a giant toddler, and mom is still an enabler.

Anyways, back to the actually good news and point of this post. Day of my post I ended up borrowing the car later in the day and buying myself the cake I originally wanted for my birthday. It was a Walmart/Marketside cake so nothing special or expensive. It was small so it's all been eaten by now lol but OMG it was amazing!

My mom didn't really care for it because it was store bought and my dad outright refused to touch it. He complained about the flavor of the cake and also said he wasn't going to "set me off" by eating it. My mom did unfortunately make me go bring him a slice and apologize for making him feel that way, which my dad thought was hilarious. He ate the cake despite complaining about it, go figure.

So yeah, while this update isn't things getting better with either of my parents, especially not my dad, I did end up taking the suggestion of a lot of people and just went out and bought the cake I originally wanted.

ETA: I also saw that my post was reposted on TikTok, so that was quite the surprise to be doom scrolling and then hear a "Reddit Storytime" of my own post, lol.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: It’s really sad that your mother just accepts this kind of bullshit from him and thinks you should too. Does she not want men to treat you right?

You don’t need to keep contact with these people after you move out if it’s not adding anything to your life.

There’s a r/raisedbynarcissists, I found it helpful when I left my shitty parents. My dad was an unemployed food thief as well.

> OOP: > >> Does she not want men to treat you right? > > I hate the pull the "it's just how things are in my family" card but there's a lot of mean and toxic men in my family. My whole family is a bunch of addicts or untreated mentally illness, and nobody talks about it outside of the "oh we're all crazy haha" joke. > > There was an incident where my mom set me up with a guy, we dated for over a year, and he dumped me for not sleeping with him and my mom was on his side at first and wanted us to get back together. She eventually came around to my side, but it still hurt.

Commenter 2: I’m so mad for you that you have to put up with this fucking bullshit. You deserve better than this. I’m glad you bought your own cake to make yourself happy, but holy shit everything else in your post made me livid. > > OOP: Yeah, I think I was just used to it during my teens years, then I moved out for college and it's making everything affect me a lot more. It's like I got desensitized from my desensitization. > >> Commenter 2: So you said you’re 19, are you (hopefully) at your parents’ house just for the summer? >> >>> OOP: Yep. Just summers and the winter break when school makes us go back. Probably going to spend Thanksgiving, Easter and Mardi Gras break at school

Commenter 3: good for you! it’s also good that you are clear on who your parents are. you can just observe your dad throwing his tantrum, and your mom adjusting his pacifier, and keep a blank face.

save every dime you make in an account they can’t touch and plot your escape. living alone someday is going to be glorious.

> OOP: I can't wait to live on my own one day. I also can't wait to one day have my own kids and have them grow up in a house with parents that act like adults

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_nowherehouse

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1, #2

[New Update]: AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/arifault for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!manipulation, possible controlling behavior, possible misogyny, death of a loved one!<

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RECAP

Original Post: August 4, 2025

I don’t know how to start this. I, (27F) have been with my fiancé (28M) for 5 years. We’ve just recently saved enough for a deposit on a house, and he’s found this cottage in the middle of nowhere, two hours away from where we currently live. The thing is that I already work an hour away. I am a nursery practitioner and I love my workplace, I’ve been there since I was 20 and I’ve worked my way up to a room lead position. Living three hours away from my job would not be ideal, but my fiancé won’t budge on this house. He says it’s perfect within our budget and quirky enough to fit our tastes in home style.

I’ve tried to communicate with him about this issue multiple times, bringing up the fact there’s not even any nurseries in that area that are looking for staff, and I don’t want to find another job that’s a bit further out but start from the bottom again. He says it’ll all work out if I just stop overthinking it, and I’ve been at my current job for so long that it would be nice for me to start fresh.

Another issue is that I want children, they’ve always been a huge dealbreaker for me and I don’t think it would be such a good idea to live so remotely when it comes to children as we will have to get them to/from school or nursery before and after work every day, the nearest school/nursery is a 30 minute drive away from the house he wants and we both start work fairly early and finish quite late. It will also be an issue of their freedom as they grow up, because I think it would be horrible to have to rely on your parents for transportation all the time and have to skip out on plans if they can’t drive you.

He really thinks I’m being dramatic about this and I’ll just ‘figure it out’, so AITAH for not wanting to move so far away from my job and basically all civilisation?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. Y'all didn't talk about where you wanted to live? You both should have discussed where EXACTLY you wanted a home. You don't have to move where you don't want to live.

> OOP: We did discuss it, we both want a nice cottage that’s out of the way of lots of people, but there’s options near us, and even more options that are actually closer to my job, that also still have access to regular buses and there’s even a few up for sale in a town with a train station a reasonable walk away. I don’t know why he’s suddenly so set on this house that’s so far out when we have plenty of options available to us that won’t move us hours away.

Commenter 2: NTA. You two are not on the same page. You need to sort that out before you get married.

> OOP: I am desperately trying to sort it out. I’m considering telling him that I will end the engagement if he continues to be unreasonable and doesn’t consider my feelings on the matter

Commenter 3: NTA. If you have joined the funds, immediately remove your contributions from the account and safeguard the money. He absolutely will use all of it to buy the cottage. His plan is to isolate you and keep you away from your network of people.

> OOP: Luckily I control our finances because I’m better with numbers, so I’ve already transferred my half of the savings into a different account, he won’t even notice. He’s usually very sweet and considerate so I’m not sure what’s got into him about this house. He loves my family and we have the same friend group as we’ve known each other since high school, so I don’t think he’s trying to isolate me

Commenter 4: Is the house also three hours away from his workplace? Or does he WFH?

> OOP: He works in tech and he does go physically to work but has the opportunity to WFH if he wants to. He says because it’s ’worked out’ for him it’ll work out for me too and I can always just find another job in a nursery, but I don’t think he gets quite how difficult it is to find a genuinely good job in a great nursery that doesn’t have a toxic environment and crazy high staff turnover

Commenter 5: Who exactly is the “we” who received the money for the deposit? Who did the money come from? if it came from somebody in his family, he is probably being very proprietary about how the money is spent. That isn’t a partnership and this kind of thinking will spill over into other areas of their life. If the money came from someone in your family or if it is somehow attached to your career, like a bonus, then he is a dictator who will force his ideas on you time and again. Buying a house is a partnership. He will expect you to help pay your portion of the mortgage and the upkeep, but you don’t get to say in where the house is located. Is that what you want? NTA

> OOP: We’ve been saving for a while, nobody gave us any money. I was already saving before we got together, so was he and after a couple years together we decided to pool our house savings for our future which I now realise was probably a really dumb idea because we aren’t married. I’ve actually put more in than him despite spending less because I’m happy to live a frugal lifestyle while he likes holidays and expensive cars, etc.

> Despite *earning less, sorry I’m completely exhausted

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Update #1: August 6, 2025 (two days later)

UPDATE AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

I wasn’t expecting to be able to update this fast, but here we are. First off I want to thank everyone that commented on my last post, and also add some context as I realised my last post may have been lacking some. Fiancé and I have been together five years, but I have known him for twelve years, and in all the time I’ve known him and especially since we got together he’s always been sweet, taken my feelings into consideration and hasn’t actively ignored my opinion like this. It’s always been a two yes, one no situation in decisions before this.

We had a good relationship otherwise, we had date nights once a fortnight, we enjoyed each other’s company, had aligning plans for the future and the same ideals for a relationship. He had watched me go through a few quite bad relationships over the years before we got together and did his best to be the opposite of my exes, though he’s always been quite pushy when it comes to sexual intimacy, so I guess that’s an issue. But other than that it was great, and we had actually had a lot of talks about what we wanted in a house. We had agreed that we wanted a house or cottage either the same distance away or closer to my work, a bit more remote but still with a town or city easily accessible by public transport and car. I’m not sure why he suddenly switched to wanting a house so far out from everything and everyone we both know. We live in the UK, and a two hour drive can have you in basically a whole other world.

Anyway, the actual update. I had annual leave from work yesterday, and my now-ex fiancé was having a WFH day, something he’s been doing more and more frequently as of late. This is another reason he is so okay with the house he wants being where it is, because he can just switch to full time work from home.

In the morning I sat down with him and tried to bring up the house. I laid out my points from my last post yet again and told him I am under no circumstances leaving my job, I love it and I do not want to search for another. I brought up the countless other houses that fit our criteria that are in our area and closer to my work, some of which we have viewed. We haven’t viewed the place he wants yet as we haven’t had the time, and I told him I do not want to as I already know it’s not what I want.

I also asked him if he really thinks it would be okay for me to have a 6 hour round commute every day, especially considering my shift starts at 8am so I would have to leave by 5am every morning and be up by around 4am. My shifts typically finish at 5:30pm, so I wouldn’t even be back home until 8:30pm. Would he be okay with doing all the childcare in the future, housework and just everything that needed to be done because I would not be home for any of it?

He didn’t seem to take any of it to heart, and still insisted I could find another job, maybe one not even in child care, and that’s what finally pushed me over the edge. Child care has been my dream since I was a little girl, and I managed to find an absolute dream of a workplace that I know many child care practitioners would kill to work for. How could I possibly leave that all behind when I’ve worked so hard for it? He told me he’s set on this house, so either I accept it or I leave.

I chose leave. I gave his ring back and told him we’re done, that he’s not being the sweet, considerate man I fell in love with, and I don’t know why he can’t see my side of things in this. I do not want to live a life with somebody that doesn’t consider how I feel in all of this. This completely shocked him and he started begging me to rethink, that we can figure something out, but I refused and went to pack my things.

I’m staying with my brother and his wife now, which is nice because they live closer to my workplace (a 30 minute drive instead of an hour), and I get to spend time with my little nieces. I am hurting, but I also feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I do not deserve to not have my opinion valued, and he certainly did not. I guess it’s onwards and upwards as they say, but I definitely won’t be dating for a long time after this

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: You mentioned that the two of you had saved up enough for a down payment. If the money is in a joint account add up how much you contributed plus interest on the amount, and withdraw it Fast.

> OOP: Hello! Sorry for my absence I have been very busy. I withdrew all money that I contributed from the shared balance before I left my ex-fiancé. It’s all safe in my own bank account now!

Commenter 2: He didn't even give up. " We can figure something out" means his option is still on the table. He just wants to keep debating even after you dumped him. Man he really wants that house.

Commenter 3: Oh damn. He thought he could strong arm you into agreeing with him. He thought you would relent because you were engaged and you'd never walk away. And then you called his bluff and he realized he didn't hold the control over you he thought.

Good on you for calling his bluff and being rid of him. He would have 100% used that tactic again and again if you had stayed with him.

Commenter 4: NTA and good job advocating for yourself!!! if current You starts to waver, which is a totally normal emotional cycle for people to go through post break up, just remember that future You will be so glad that you stood up for yourself and made space for better relationships to come.

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Trigger Warnings: >!death of a loved one!<

Update #2: December 4, 2025 (nearly four months later)

UPDATE: AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

Reposting here bc I didn’t realise I could only post one update on the AITAH sub

Hi all. Sorry I’ve been almost completely MIA for the last few months, life has been completely hectic, but I wanted to give an update because I saw some people asking for an update. I also saw my post being read on TikTok a few months ago by one of my favourite Reddit story accounts actually and that was crazy, I truly did not think it would end up anywhere but Reddit.

First off, I (27F) want to share some things about my life and how it has been since I left my ex-fiancé(28M). Life has been up and down for me. I found a therapist, and I’ve started to rent a small flat close to my brother’s house, still living below my means as I start to save for a house again, building upon my more than half of the savings I took when I left my ex (It was all my money, I had saved most of it. I did not take any of the money that was his.) The flat is small, but it’s cosy and doesn’t have any of the mess my ex always left around. I was offered a position as assistant manager at my workplace, and while the pay rise would have been nice, I decided to turn it down as I just so love working with the children and I do not want to spend most of my time in an office. Being a room lead is fine with me, I adore my job. My workplace is still great, and I’ve made some really good friends with some newer staff members. I often have a couple of them over for drinks or dinner after work, as a little single ladies club.

My absolutely amazing dad died suddenly and tragically in September, far too soon at 65. He was truly the most incredible man, and I’d been leaning on him a lot for support after I left my ex. He left me a sizeable sum of money, and while I am still waiting for that to come through, I’m planning to put it all into my house fund and I’m hoping to be a homeowner by the summer of 2026. I also adopted a little tortoiseshell cat to keep me company, her name is Lily and she’s the sweetest, cuddliest thing.

I’m slowly getting back into dating, and I actually made the realisation that I like women, so I have been dipping my toes into going on dates with some lovely ladies, which has been great. Nothing serious of course, I’m not ready for that yet, but it’s nice to have some connection with people and explore my newfound dating pool, see what fits me best and figure out my dating boundaries. Overall, while some times have been tough and heartbreaking, my life has improved.

On the ex front, I really did dodge a bullet. My sister has told me countless times that I let a man disrespect me for far too long. He was not the man I thought he was and upon reflection I realise the first red flag was how pushy he was for sex. I believe one comment on my last update called him a sex fiend. My therapist has helped me to realise that coercion was not consent, so I’ve been working through that.

Since we split, he has apparently been posting on Instagram about being an alpha male and how any woman would be lucky to have him. According to mutual friends, he has been listening to lots of horrible and misogynistic podcasts and spews that rhetoric to absolutely everyone he can, and he’s already dating a new girl what who is far from appropriately younger than him at 19. Yuck!! I will never know the full logic of why he wanted me to move so far from everything I know and love, but I feel that the comments saying he wanted me to quit my job and be a SAHM were correct in their assumptions. He couldn’t afford the house he wanted without my part of the savings, so he’s stuck in our old flat.

I had to see him once more after I left just to get the rest of my things from our old place, and he tried to talk to me, asking if we could fix what we had, but I ignored him and simply took everything I needed before leaving and blocking him for good. He’s not worth my time or energy.

I think during our relationship, I lost who I really was and forgot that I am a strong and independent woman. I have always been quite feisty, and I’ve always stood up for myself, but somehow with him I lost those parts of me. They’re back in full force now and I couldn’t be happier with that. I’ve used my found-again spine to fight for what I believe in, and I have been to several marches and protests for Palestine in the last few months, screaming at the top of my lungs, holding banners and waving flags. I have advocated for children’s rights, I have joined clubs and groups, and I have found my voice. Thank you all for your kind words, advice and encouragement. I don’t think I would have left or stayed away if it wasn’t for all of you commenting.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: 19!? Poor girl

> OOP: I really want to message her and let her know what he’s like, but my sister and friends have told me it would cause more problems for me. She’s so young and I’m afraid for her

Commenter 2: I agree with your sister you dodged a bullet. Go have a great life now that you have found yourself again.

Commenter 3: Yesssssss. You go do what you want from now on. Sad about dad, but awesome otherwise.

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#----NEW UPDATE----

Update #3: June 27, 2026 (6.5 months later from the previous update)

(editor’s note: removed the first part of the update as they are links to the original and previous updates)

Six months into the year already, wow! Thank you so much to everyone who has been so supportive on my previous posts!

I (28F) don’t have much to update apart from, as of the 21st of May, I am officially a homeowner! I found a perfect house that’s only fifteen minutes from my workplace. It may not be the out of the way cottage I wanted, but it’s perfect and it’s all mine. I have space to just be me, and enough room for my niblings to sleep over and give my siblings a break.

On the dating front, I’ve been dating a wonderful woman (30F) since late December. I realised shortly after my last update that I wasn’t bisexual, and I am actually fully a lesbian.

We’re still taking it very slow, considering I had just come out of a long term relationship, and she was only recently divorced when we met, but so far so good. She’s absolutely amazing and I can safely say I love her. If things go well, we’ve talked about living together but that won’t happen until at least 2027, as I’m not quite ready for that level of commitment yet. She’s helped me move in and decorate my new house though, which has been lovely as she works in interior design and seems to know exactly how to make a room look incredible.

My ex broke up with the 19 year old in April, from what I’ve been told, citing that she’s “far too immature.” Like, obviously? She’s 19 and you’re 29, idiot. I haven’t heard much else about him because I really don’t care to know about his life, but what I have heard isn’t great. On top of his stupid misogynist stuff, he’s also been on some horribly racist bs. I didn’t mention this in my posts because it didn’t feel relevant, but I am mixed. My mum is Black, and I am very clearly half Black. He was engaged to a woman of colour and he’s racist!!!

All in all, life is good and I escaped a man that probably never really loved me. I hope everyone has had a great year so far, here’s to better beginnings. It may not be much of an update, but I wanted to let you all know it can get so much better 😊.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway-ww24

Originally posted to r/amiwrong

Previous BoRUs: #1, #2

[Old New Update]: AIW - My friend told me she loves me 4 weeks before her marriage

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Trigger Warnings: >!death of a spouse/parent, physical violence, emotional infidelity, assault, possible emotional manipulation!<

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RECAP

Original Post: January 3, 2024

My (35M) friend Brie (35F) just told me she loves me 4 weeks before our marriage, and I am not sure what I am supposed to do here. I want to know if I am doing the right thing.

To give some context, I lost my wife 2 years ago. I have a 5-year-old daughter. I have not dated in the last 2 years because I have major trauma from losing my wife. I still love her a lot and don't think I am ready to move on. I invested all my time in my daughter (who looks exactly like her mother) and my work to keep my sanity for the last 2 years.

I have been friends with Brie since we were in elementary school. We lived in the same neighborhood growing up and were best friends. She is an awesome person, and we were inseparable growing up. The weirdest part was we had completely different personalities. She was very outgoing and always had a lot of friends. I am a big introvert and Brie along with a few friends was all I needed. Brie was a serial-dater, and I don't remember any time since middle school since she was single. Brie and I never dated though.

Brie and I also went to the same college. She never had a stable boyfriend, but just jumped from one relationship to another. I, on the other hand, did not date seriously until I was in my junior year. When I met my wife, she was a freshman and we hit it off instantly. We fell for each other and spent all our time with each other. This strained my relationship with Brie as I would generally hang out with my wife instead of her. That was the time Brie, and I slowly started drifting apart.

After college, I moved to a different town for my job, and Brie and I occasionally messaged each other, but nothing beyond that. Brie attended my wedding and that was the last time I saw her. We kept in touch, but mostly by commenting on each other's pictures or keeping each other updated on significant life events. Brie did reach out to me when my wife passed away, and we talked on a phone call.

Last year, Brie and her fiancé moved to my city. I was still grieving, and both have been amazing support for me and my daughter. My daughter loves dancing, and Brie helped me enroll her in dancing and gymnastics classes and sometimes takes her to them. I also became good friends with her fiancé, who is indeed an incredibly good man. My daughter also loves Aunty Brie and Brie sometimes helps me babysit.

Last week, Brie came to my house and asked if we could talk. Her tone sounded serious. She told me that over the last few months, she feels like she has started to develop feelings for me and is not sure anymore if she wants to go ahead with the wedding. She felt I also had started developing feelings for her. I told her that I am not ready for any relationship before I can deal with my mental health (for which I go to a therapist regularly). She tried to convince me that she loved me, we are soulmates, and she felt that we were meant to be together. However, I do not have the same feelings for her. I love her as a friend, but nothing beyond that. We were both emotional, but she said she was glad we talked about this. She left after that.

Brie called me that night and told me not to talk about our conversation to anyone. I thought a lot about it and decided that I would not tell her fiancé about B and my conversation from last week. I feel it's their relationship, and I do not have the right to ruin their moment if Brie decides to go ahead with the wedding. However, I feel guilty that her fiancé does not know anything about this and is going into a marriage where Brie might not be fully ready for it.

Can you guys give suggestions on what I should do in this case? Am I wrong for not telling her fiancé about our conversation?

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Update #1: January 30, 2024 (27 days later)

A month ago, I (35M) wrote a post regarding my friend Brie (35F) telling me that she loved me, only 4 weeks before her wedding. The last month has been crazy, and my whole world has turned upside down.

Again for context, I lost my wife 2 years ago and we have a 5-year old daughter. Brie and her fiancé Jason (~33M) moved to our town a year ago, and we have reconnected as friends and they have done a lot to cheer me up during this year, and bring my life to normalcy. After Bree told me that she loved me, I told her that I was still not ready to move on as I still miss my wife. She said she understood, and I did not hear from her or Jason for a few days. The guilt was killing me, as I was not sure if I should tell Jason about what she told me. Thanks to everyone who commented on the post, it helped me think the situation through.

I finally called Brie after a few days and asked her to meet me for lunch. I talked to her and asked her if she was going ahead with her wedding. She broke down and told me she was not sure. I told her that she should at least talk to Jason regarding her feelings and not be dishonest with him. I also assured her that I would not say anything to J, but I just wanted her to be happy. She said she understood and left.

That night I put my daughter to sleep and was watching TV. Around 9.30 pm, I heard a loud knock on my door, and it was Jason. I opened the door, and he was in tears. He started yelling at me and asking me why I had to steal Brie out of all the people. I tried to calm him down, but he just kept on shouting. I was trying to get him to sit down on the bench on our porch. I told him my daughter was sleeping upstairs, but he slowly was getting more and more physical. He punched me in the face, and I was able to push him off. I told him to get out of my house, and he sat in his truck and drove away.

I immediately called Brie, and she was crying and did not sound well on the phone. She told Jason that she could not marry him, because she had feelings for me. I was really scared for her, after the physical altercation with Jason, and told her to gather some clothes and get out of the house. She did that and came to my place. I just didn't feel she was safe with Jason. I consoled her for almost 2 hours and was able to get her to sleep.

The next morning, we had to call her parents to let them know about what had happened. Brie kept a brave face, but I could see how much she was hurting. Her parents asked her to take a few days off, and immediately come back home, and she did take a flight in the evening to go home. Over the next two weeks, the wedding was called off. Brie and I were talking every day, and she was just very exhausted. She talked to Jason a few times and kept on asking her to take more time to think. However, I think Brie just wanted to get out of it and decided to just break it off with Jason.

Currently, Brie is staying with us for the last two weeks. She still has a job here and started going back to work last week. I have talked to Brie in detail about what happened. Brie told me that Jason and her were dating on and off for the last 4 years. Jason is not very career-oriented, and Brie is very good at her job. She felt he was a nice and reliable person, but was unsure about him from the start. She felt that she was not getting any younger, and hence they decided to get married. When she heard about my wife passing away, she just felt really bad and wanted to be around me to comfort me. When she got her big promotion, which meant she could work in a corporate office, she immediately chose my city and moved here. Jason also moved here and got a new job. She never had any romantic feelings for me back then. As she started hanging out with my daughter and me, she started feeling the bond we shared when we were growing up. Except, I was the broken one and she was taking care of me. She said that she realized that she was enjoying her time with us, more than with Jason. She realized she made a mistake with Jason, and what she wanted was right in front of her. Hence, she slowly started thinking about me in that way and finally told me about it. She knew her relationship with Jason was over the moment she confessed to me. It's a shitty situation, but I am glad that she realized that before getting married vs. after.

As for Jason, I feel bad for him. He is moving back to our hometown closer to his family. He is currently in their apartment and will move sometime next month.

I know a lot of you would be curious if we were dating. We are not dating. I don't think I can date anyone right now and neither should Brie. She is my friend, and I am happy that she is staying with us, and plans to be here until everything is sorted out. My daughter loves having Auntie Brie around too, so that's a bonus. Plus, it's really nice to see her slowly get back to normal.

Thanks again for helping me during my last post. Cheers.

Additional Information from OOP:

> OOP: One of the comments from the original post from u/mid40smomof3 really stuck out to me when I was trying to decide if I wanted to tell Jason myself about what Brie told me. Following is the comment. > >I would not share your conversation. I'd also find a way to pull away from spending any time with her that also does not tear her out of your daughter's life. Not that she is or ever will replace your dear wife and your daughter's mother because that is impossible. But your daughter at a young age had already lost her mom and I'd hate to see her traumatized by having another woman in her life abruptly leave. > >My daughter really loves having her around and I also do not want her to lose Brie. I have thought about the pros and cons, and I feel I am happy she is staying with us at this point.

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Trigger Warnings: >!assault, emotional manipulation!<

Final Update: November 8, 2024 (9.5 months later)

I wrote a post nine months ago about my friend Brie telling me that she loved me a few weeks before she was supposed to get married. For context, I lost my wife three years ago, and we have a six-year-old daughter. Brie and her fiancé, Jason, moved to our town a year ago, and Brie confessed her feelings for me just weeks before her wedding. Things went south quickly, and Brie ended up breaking up with Jason and canceling the wedding. She was staying with us when I last shared an update.

I think the story was picked up by some popular YouTube channels, and people have been messaging me to find out what happened afterward. I wanted to maintain our privacy, especially since many of our family members saw the video and recognized my post. They didn't know that Jason had assaulted me, and I had to assure everyone that we were safe and okay. I'm feeling particularly happy this week, so I thought I would share an update.

Firstly, the reason Brie moved in with us while Jason was still in town was because I had a temporary restraining order (TRO) against him. Brie also filed for one but was denied, as he had never directly threatened her safety. She said she felt secure with us because of the TRO, and I agreed. Jason didn’t cause any issues after that, though he continued texting Brie, asking her to work on their relationship. Eventually, he moved back to our hometown in February, and we haven’t heard from him since.

Brie got her own apartment once Jason left town, but she remained very much a part of our daily lives. I enjoyed having her around, and my daughter loves her. In April, Brie brought up the idea of us dating again. I explained that I wasn’t over my wife’s death and didn’t want to be unfair to her because I still love my late wife deeply.

Brie told me she knew she could never replace my wife, nor did she want to. She shared a beautiful analogy: she said my heart is like a big pot. It holds a lot of love for my late wife, but it also made room for more love when my daughter was born.

Loving her wouldn’t erase my love for my wife or daughter, it would simply mean there’s more room in my heart than I realized. I took a month to think it over, talking to my mom and mother-in-law (late wife's mom), who both encouraged me to give a relationship with Brie a chance.

We officially started dating in May, and it’s been surprising how quickly we fell in love. I think the strong foundation of our friendship helped a lot. The last six months have been amazing, and I’ve never seen my daughter so happy. She’s a big chatterbox now and insists that Brie comes to all her school events and recitals. Sometimes, I feel a little jealous of their bond and even a bit left out of their little chats.

The reason I’m writing this update is because I’m planning to propose to Brie this Christmas. It’s not a surprise proposal, we went engagement ring shopping last weekend and finalized the ring. We also have wedding plans for next summer. I know it seems quick, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.

Brie deserves to officially be part of our family. My daughter is thrilled, and she and Brie are already shopping for dresses for the engagement photoshoot. Our families couldn’t be happier, and we plan to get engaged at a small gathering of family and friends over Christmas weekend in our hometown.

I know some people judged me for taking Brie in after she left Jason, and others judged her for leaving him at the altar. Life isn’t easy (trust me), and things don’t always go as planned. But I’m grateful Brie found the courage to tell me how she felt back then. Thank you all again for your support on my last post.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1 (downvoted): Thanks for the update. Glad things worked out and wish you both a great future.

> OOP: Thanks. We are excited for the next chapter.

Commenter 2: Wait - so why didn’t she end her relationship before ever sharing with you that she had feelings for you?

> OOP: It was such a crazy time (4 weeks before the wedding). I know the right thing should have been the right thing to do. However, I am also glad she did not go through with the wedding when her heart was not at the right place. I feel bad for Jason too, but I think it's better for him it happened, instead of learning about it after getting married. > > I did initially blame myself for all the pain that I caused Brie. I know she would have been married (happily) to Jason, if I did not exist, but through therapy, I have learned to let go of the guilt. It was something I could not control.

Commenter 3: So you explained to her that you were still grieving your wife, and she gave you some stupid analogy to pressure you into dating her. She sounds desperate and dumb, and not a good influence for your child.

I feel bad for your daughter. I seriously doubt your wife would approve of this for her.

Commenter 4: Her analogy was pure manipulation, and you are too stupid, or too horny, to see it. It’s been less than a year. Good luck dear horny man, you are going to need it. Your wife would be ashamed of the damage you are going to end up doing to your daughter in all this. You let a manipulative woman con her way into your bed and home.

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----NEW UPDATE----

Editor's note: the final update below is nearly 11 months old, and it has not been posted here onto the sub

Editor's note #2: the video links in this post no longer work

Last Update: August 14, 2025 (over nine months later from the previous update)

It's been 9 months since my last update. I wrote my first post almost 2 years ago, which seems crazy now and I could have never imagined how things would turn out. Many of you messaged me for an update, so I am writing a short update instead of replying to all the messages as you guys have really been helpful through all this time. Thanks to this YouTube channel, who created this beautiful short film based on our story. Although, I am not as handsome in real-life.:

Part 1: https://youtu.be/O_IiQGO1vDA?si=T8-s57X2G55t_Y_w

Part 2: https://youtu.be/Kh5oHjM5KFk?si=e-NCzVsC0dlGaiwM

Part 3: https://youtu.be/ES6xsH-KuIg?si=M_zWR-aQOG9ploRc

Brie and I got engaged last December. I know that my love for my late wife would never go away, but I felt it was the right thing to do for Brie and also for my daughter. I proposed to Brie at our old high school ground where we would often hang out when we were younger.

There was a lot of drama that unfolded after our engagement. Jason had already moved back and told everyone made up stories about how Brie cheated on him and ruined his life, and how I played the victim after he kicked my ass (his words). I lost a lot of old friends in this process, but some of our friends were willing to give us the benefit of doubt. Luckily our families know me well enough to know that I would not have an affair with Brie, before she broke off her engagement. I think the news of our engagement did not sit well with Jason. Things got ugly when Jason tried to break into Brie's house to talk to her, but luckily me and her brother were there and called the cops. He still thinks we were sleeping together before Brie broke off her engagement.

I know a lot of you guys warned me that Brie was planning on being with me the entire time and moved to my town specifically to be with me. I talked to her about this and we had discussions about what exactly happened. She told me that marrying Jason never felt right, and maybe she just subconsciously wanted to be around me because I had always been honest about guys she dated in the past (let's say she had a type growing up) and she just wanted me to tell her to not marry Jason. However, she told me that she only started developing feelings for me after she met me. I also do not agree with the theory that she moved to my town do be with me, as we had not met each other in person for many years prior, and it would be crazy to make such a big change in her life just on a whim.

Our relationship is far from perfect, but something that works for both of us. Brie lost her job after we got engaged and helps me look after my "now our" daughter during the last few months. My daughter loves her too, and they have a great bond. I have a good job, so Brie decided to take a break for wedding planning and looking after our daughter full-time. I am glad for her decision as my daughter will get to have a parent in house fulltime, something I was not able to provide to her because of my work.

Onto the good news, we got married around month ago. And as many of you had predicted, Brie did not run away, and we had a wonderful ceremony. I wanted a small wedding, but Brie and her parents wanted to invite a bunch of people, and we ended up have a really nice wedding.

Right now, we just came back from our honeymoon and are getting ready for my daughter's school year. I know many of you misunderstand Brie, but she has been nothing but a blessing in my life. I thank god every day for sending her into our life as she has made our life beautiful.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Feeling_Bid_6473

Originally posted to r/TrueOffMyChest

My partner is sick of being watched by my cats whenever he’s naked

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

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Original Post: June 13, 2026

My partner visited my apartment for the first time last week. I have two cats, they quickly got comfortable with my partner. However, when we took our clothes off and were about to get intimate, he suddenly said that he felt nervous about the cats watching him and asked me to take them out of the bedroom. I thought it was a bit strange, but I could more or less understand it, so I did as he asked.

After we finished, we were about to go to the bathroom, he complained again that being seen by the cats would make him feel really sick. We had a talk later, he insisted that he just afraid of being watched by cats whenever he got naked.

I‘m so confused now, I know I love him, but apparently he can’t get along well with my cats, I really don’t know what to do.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1:

> I‘m so confused now, I know I love him, but apparently he can’t get along well with my cats, I really don’t know what to do.

What? Kicking out the cats when you two are intimate doesn't mean he hates them. You're the one being weird wanting them there to be honest.

And yes we humans do tend to be uncomfortable when we notice we're being stared at.

> OOP: What confuses me is that he even feels uncomfortable being seen by the cats after a shower.

Commenter 2: Just be like “it’s cool, dude. They’re naked too.” > > OOP: That’s cool, I’ll try it! >> >> Commenter 3: Or you could respect your partner’s wishes and kick the cat out when having sex etc.… >>> >>> OOP: I'll bring them out of my bedroom while having sex, but can't guarantee that there won’t ever be a situation where my cats see him naked.

Commenter 4: I don't like it when the cats are in the room when I make love with my fiancé. Because they are very curious about what is going on, sniffing on things or having the audacity to climb on our backs. BUT didn’t seem like your cats don't do this. If they are in the other side of the room or whatever just looking we shrug it off. After all, they are cats. I don’t get why it makes your boyfriend that upset. Maybe he does not like cats and tries to come up with something crazy, so you maybe consider getting rid of them? All in all, for me at least, it sounds very very weird.

> OOP: I won’t get rid of my cats. I can take them out of the bedroom while making love, but > > I can’t guarantee that my cats will never see him naked—for instance, when he’s coming out of the shower.

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Update: June 20, 2026 (one week later)

Update: My partner is sick of being watched by my cats whenever he’s naked

After reading all of the comments, I had a talk with my bf. I told him I would respect his feelings and bring the cats out of my bedroom while having sex, but I couldn’t make sure that his naked body wouldn’t be seen by my cats at any time due to we live in the same space.

He seemed a little surprised, but deeply moved. He told me that he had never lived with cats before, what I said makes sense, he would try to get familiar with this situation.

Now my bf is working on feeling comfortable being naked in front of my cats. He is a fan of the Dutch, tonight we watched the live broadcast of the Netherlands vs. Sweden World Cup match together. At first, we were both only wearing our pants. When the Netherlands scored their third goal, I took off both of our underwear, so we stayed completely naked for the rest of the match while the cat played nearby.

I could tell he was making an effort to get used to it, but he never voiced any objections throughout the game. By the time the match ended, he was as happy as a child and had completely forgotten that the cat was right there beside us.

So I suppose that he has more or less come over his fears.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter: Maybe the cats are sick of seeing him naked

> OOP: They just didn’t care

Cat tax

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/RecitalFuneralThrow

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/Redditor_Updates

AITAH for prioritizing my daughter's recital over a funeral?

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!controlling behavior!<

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Original Post: June 16, 2026

My daughter (5yo) had a dance recital on Saturday. Her dance studio scheduled everything a couple months ago, so my husband and I were prepared to attend.

Last Wednesday, my father informed me his mother-in-law (his wife’s mother) had passed away, and the funeral would be on Saturday. He said that he and his wife wanted me to attend it with my family, but would settle for just me.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t have a close relationship with my father’s mother-in-law, and my kids saw her once a year at most. But I wouldn’t mind attending if it weren’t for my daughter’s recital. The funeral would take place in a different city (a very short flight away, which my father had offered to cover), so it wouldn’t be possible to attend both.

I offered my condolences, but said my daughter had a dance recital on Saturday and my family wouldn’t be able to attend the funeral. My father said he understood why I couldn’t take my children, though his wife was disappointed I wouldn’t just tell my daughter’s dance studio that there had been a “family emergency.”

In spite of that, they both thought I should still go on my own. They said that my husband could attend the recital on his own, that missing one of my daughter’s events when I’m there for everything else wouldn’t be a big deal, and that she’s so young that she probably wouldn’t remember it anyway. She’d have more recitals in the future, but the funeral would only happen once. I stood my ground.

Saturday came. I attended my daughter’s dance recital. Both my father and his wife were radio silent all day, and I chose not to bother them.

My father finally called me yesterday, and we had an argument. He said his wife was inconsolable, because her mother loved me and my children and it broke her heart that we weren’t there to say our goodbyes. He also said he was disappointed at how dismissive I’d been of his wife and her family, and he couldn’t believe I’d refused to make such a small sacrifice for someone who would drop everything to do the same for me.

I continued to stand by what I did. I understand her passing was sudden and the funeral was rushed, but I had made a commitment to my daughter, and I wanted to honor it. My father said she should be old enough to understand that her mom had something more important to do.

AITAH?

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I don’t want to say you’re an AH exactly, but depending on your relationship with your dad and his wife…. You weren’t very nice to them.

Funerals aren’t for the dead. They are for the living loved ones who are suffering the loss.

Now, it sounds like that’s not you. Which is fine. I have distant relatives that I’ve been fairly indifferent about when they passed.

But, if you have a good relationship with your dad (and everything I wrote below hinges on the idea that you do), you should go to the funeral when he’s asks to SUPPORT HIM while he grieves. It sounds like he really wanted you there and it added to his hurt that you refused to attend.

With that being said, I agree that you should always seek to keep commitments you make to your children, but there are going to be times when you can’t.

This could have been a good opportunity for you to teach your child a somewhat complicated lesson about when it’s ok to break a commitment and the value in showing up for others when they are in need.

If your children don’t learn that sometimes the best played plans go sideways because of events beyond their control, they can become very ridged and unforgiving in their approach to life.

I want to finish by saying that I lost my dad unexpectedly earlier in the year and since then I’ve been pondering some of the smaller details of our relationship. I can imagine if I was in the situation you described here, I’d be beating myself up a little for shunning his bid for support and understanding.

> OOP: I think that's a very good comment. I'll try to answer your questions as well as I can: > > - I'm not close with my father's wife and consider her extended family at best. My father and I have a rocky relationship for various reasons, but I do love him and we see each other on a decently frequent basis. > > - I show up to almost everything my father and his wife invite me to. > > - My father wasn't fond of his mother-in-law and, based on their history, did not want me there to support him. He wanted me there to support his wife. Both of them have a history of wanting me and her to be closer than we are. I am perfectly fine with our current relationship and have no interest in bonding with her any further for a number of reasons. > > - I really do not think my daughter should need to learn anything from this. If anything, I'd rather show her she will always come first to me. I agree it's important to teach kids that things don't always go according to plan, but there are other ways to teach this. > > I'm very sorry to hear about your father and I hope you're doing well.

Commenter 2: I think it's maybe sometimes important for a child to learn they can't always come first. A parent can't go on every field trip, a parent can't go to every recital, a parent can't go to every baseball game or whatever. I'm not telling you not to be there for your kid, but sometimes life comes up and you need to do something other than attend a recital or whatever. That's also an important lesson.

> OOP: I agree. I know I won't always be able to show up. I have a career, another child and other commitments that might need to take priority sometimes, as does my husband. > > But in this situation, being there for her was something I could do.

Commenter 3: What is the frequency of these dance recitals? The small studio I danced at as a kid had recitals twice a year, it would have been devastating to my little 5 year old self to have had my mom miss one, because it was months of classes and rehearsals for one or two recitals. But I would have felt very different about say a soccer game that happened every week, my parent missing one of those would not have been a huge deal to me.

> OOP: Once a year.

Commenter 4: Info: What was your daughter's attitude toward the recital? Is it something she was very excited about or something she was doing? At that age, it can usually go either way.

> OOP: She was extremely excited and had been looking forward to it for months.

OOP on her relationship with her father's mother-in-law

> OOP: I never even saw her as a step grandparent to begin with. I never felt we were close. But the flight part really wouldn't have bothered me, especially since I wouldn't pay for it.

Commenter 5: NTA your father is being inconsistent. How can your daughter be both too young to remember you not being there and old enough to understand you have something "more important to do". Also it seems like he and your step mother are really exaggerating the relationship you had with her mother.

> OOP: They always exaggerated it, especially when it came to her relationship with my children. She always said she loved them like her own grandchildren, but she hardly ever saw them, and they didn't really see her as a great-grandmother.

OOP on if her kids have a relationship with her father's wife? Does she send the kids gifts?

> OOP: It's definitely performative, that much I've always known. She never sent my kids gifts or called on their birthdays (I never expected her to). > > I'm not close with my father's wife.

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Update: June 26, 2026 (10 days later)

Update: I prioritized my daughter's recital over a funeral

Hey, everyone. This got long, so I'll go ahead and post it here. There are some things I want to address before I move on to the update.

I want to thank you all for your comments and insight on my original post, even if you decided I was in the wrong. I assure you I posted because I truly wanted alternate opinions, so I’m grateful for your feedback. There were, however, two things some people said that I still firmly disagree with.

First, the claim that my father was asking me for support and I let him down. Based on his past behavior, he did not need or want my support. He wanted me to support his wife. He wasn’t fond of his mother-in-law. And both my father and his wife have a long history of wanting me and her to be closer than we are. I am perfectly fine with our current relationship and have no interest in bonding with her any further for a number of reasons.

I’ll take the opportunity to state that my father and his wife have been married for six years and together for only a little longer. I was already an adult when I met her, and we have never been close. I consider her extended family, at best, and I did not consider her mother family. That is the main reason this didn’t constitute a family emergency to me. I literally met my husband before I met her mother. I have told my father I don’t really think of them as family several times, but he refuses to accept it.

That leads me to the idea I could have used this as an opportunity to teach my daughter that sometimes plans have to change and it’s important to show up for family, which was the other claim I disagreed with. I agree it's important to teach kids that things don't always go according to plan. And realistically, I know I won't always be able to show up for my daughter. I have a career, another child and other commitments that might need to take priority sometimes. This was not one of those times. I wasn't close with my father's mother-in-law, and I was absolutely capable of being there for my daughter.

Onto the actual update: I posted here because I wanted alternate opinions. I genuinely didn’t know what to think about what I’d done. As I’ve stated, there are things that were said that I disagree with, and I don’t expect that to change. But I also agreed with some who thought I was in the wrong.

In particular, I agree I could have been more empathetic. I didn’t send flowers or a card, and condolences are the bare minimum. I also completely disagree with those on my side who said they should have confirmed the date with me before scheduling the funeral if my presence was that important. I had no relation to the deceased, it wouldn’t be fair for her funeral to depend on my schedule.

At first, I walked away from my first post almost as conflicted as I’d felt going in, but I definitely had a lot more insight. I contemplated the situation for a few days and managed to come to a few conclusions.

I also ended up talking to a few people in my life. My husband was still very firm on my side. My mother said I could have been more sensible, but also that she’d probably have done the same thing I did.

Then I talked to my younger sister, and it was during that conversation that I found out that not only had she not been pressured to attend the funeral, she hadn’t even been invited in the first place. She had spoken with our father several times since his mother-in-law died, but he hadn’t told her about anything besides the fact she’d passed. I was the only one he’d expected to attend.

I think that was my breaking point. Not to sound childish, but why is it always me? Why do I always have to be the one expected to drop everything? Why does my father feel the need to keep pushing his wife and her family onto me and mine?

So in the end, my main conclusion was that this wasn’t just about the funeral. My father has always had unfair and unrealistic expectations of me, and I need to make it stop.

I’ve decided to distance myself from my father and his wife for a while. I love him, but I need time and he needs to accept I have my own life. I’m also going back to therapy. I stopped a while ago, but I remember it helped.

As for what will happen between me and my father, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Whenever he’s ready to have an honest conversation about everything that happened, he knows where I’ll be.

Overall, I’ve decided what I did was wrong, but I’ve also accepted that I’d do it again. I don’t remember all of my recitals, school plays and events from when I was a kid, but I do remember my mom was there for all of them. Even if I can’t always be there for my children, they will always come first to me, and I’ll make sure they know that.

I probably won’t post again. Thank you for everything.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I would have made the same choice as you, my child comes first. Unless it was someone in my family or a very close friend, I wouldn't give up my child's recital. The fact that your sister wasn't invited by your father tells you everything you needed to know. Well done, back to therapy.

> OOP: If it was someone I considered family or a close friend, I would have gone to the funeral too. In that case, we'd probably be in the same city, so I'd try to find a way to attend both.

Commenter 2: That's amazing. It completely reveals the lie that faaaaamily is important when your little sister wasn't also getting leaned on. Congratulations on getting this clarity!

> OOP: Honestly, I should have seen it coming. It happened all the time when we were younger.

Commenter 3: I don't know if there was any way for you to make them happy in this situation. I suspect that even if you had gone to the funeral, they would have repeatedly talked about how disappointed they were that you didn't bring your whole family.

> OOP: Probably. My father's wife seemed to be the only one upset about that, but they both tried to get my kids to bond with her and her mother too. We had an argument a couple years ago because I wouldn't force my kids to hug her mother (my daughter was three and didn't remember her, it was their second time ever seeing each other).

Commenter 4: Are you the oldest? My dad did something similar to me as far as expectations go, especially when he was in the process of marrying my Evil Stepmother. I didn’t go along with his wishes because I simply don’t owe him subservience, just like you don’t owe that to your father.

You are a good mom. Your daughter needed your support at her recital, and you were there. Your priority should always be your immediate family. Now that you’re married with a kid, your father is extended family. It is what it is.

> OOP: Yep, oldest of two daughters. > > His wife isn't necessarily "evil," but she has a very irritating personality. There are a number of other reasons why I never wanted to be close with her, and that only made her pushier.

OOP responds to a comment about the times she and her family has met her father's in-laws

> OOP: I do have to say my father and his wife have been married for 6 years, but together for longer. I met his mother-in-law a little under a decade ago. Still, I don't think I saw her more than a handful of times. > > My kids genuinely only saw her once a year at most, during the holidays. My daughter in particular saw her 4 times her whole life, since we didn't spend her first Christmas with them.

Commenter 5: I do think you maybe should have sent flowers, but you made the right choice in not going.

It's absolutely horrible that your little sister wasn't even invited while they're guilting you into going. I know you feel like "why does it have to be me"- but I also feel bad for your sister. Is she even considered family by your dad?

> OOP: She is, he just always expected more of me. Growing up, she could vanish to a friend's house for days if she wanted and it was fine. If I did it, he complained I was "too distant." I shouldn't have been surprised he didn't pressure her.

OOP on her father's wife's family

> OOP: No children of her own, but I don't think she ever wanted to consider me a daughter. I was in my 20s when we met, and she was a teenager when I was born. And my sister is younger than me, so it would make more sense to latch onto her. > > That was actually a huge problem I had with her in the early years of their relationship: what bond did she expect us to have? What did she want to be to me? She definitely wanted to be something with how pushy she always was, but I never figured out what.

Commenter 6: Does your sister have children? I ask because if you do and she doesn’t, I’ll bet your dad’s wife wants to try to weasel her way into being “Grandma”. If your sister doesn’t have children, she’s of no use to her.

> OOP: My sister doesn't have kids. My father had higher expectations of me our whole lives, but that angle does make sense for his wife. My children don't see her as a grandparent.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ElizaDreamer

Originally posted to r/AITH

AITA for telling my mum's boyfriend he's not my dad at my own birthday dinner, in front of everyone?

Editor's note: added paragraph breaks for ease of readability

Trigger Warnings: >!death of a loved one!<

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Original Post: June 20, 2026

So I've been going back and forth on this for two weeks and I genuinely can't tell if I overreacted.

I'm 19F, from Leeds. My dad passed away when I was 13, cancer, and it completely destroyed us for a while but slowly me, my mum and my little brother (he's 15 now) figured out how to be okay again.

My mum's been with her boyfriend Dave for about two years now and he moved in last summer. He's not a bad person, he just tries so hard to slot himself into this "dad" role that it makes me uncomfortable, ruffling my brother's hair, calling him champ, making decisions like he's always been here. I've never said anything because my mum is happy and I didn't want to ruin that.

But last weekend was my 19th birthday dinner, close family, couple of friends, Dave and his daughter there too, and when the cake came out Dave stood up and put his hand on my shoulder and told the whole room that I've "got a father figure in my corner now." Something about it being my birthday, the day already feeling heavy without my dad, just snapped something in me and I looked at him and said quietly, "I have a dad, he died, you're my mum's boyfriend and I'd like to keep it that way." Table went dead silent.

Mum didn't say anything until everyone left and then she told me I humiliated him and how could I do that especially tonight of all nights. But I thought my own birthday would be the one night I wouldn't have to pretend to be okay with all of this. Nobody has asked me once in two years how I feel about another man stepping into that space. AITA?

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: He was trying too hard, I’m not surprised you snapped at such an important moment. NTA

> OOP: Exactly, like I'd been holding it in for two years and it just happened to come out then. Timing was bad but I can't say I regret saying it.

Commenter 2: A little bit TA. Not for how you felt, that seems valid, but the explosive reaction was a little harsh, maybe. What should have happened, I think, is you're old enough to have an adult conversation with this Dave fellow. Men are, by and large, oblivious, and he probably thought putting on the daddy pants was the right thing for him to do. But I reiterate: your feeling creeped out by it is wholly valid. I would be too. Just sit ol' Dave down and chat it out. Stay calm, stay reasonable, but let him know how you feel.

> OOP: Yeah honestly that's fair and I've thought about that too. I think part of me knew it was coming out eventually, I just didn't expect it to be in front of everyone on that particular night. You're right though, a proper conversation would've been the better move. I might actually do that now that the dust has settled a bit.

Commenter 3: NTA. He overstepped big time. Your mom making it about his feelings just goes to show how inconsiderate she is of yours. What you feel is completely normal. I guess you could sit them both down and say it's nothing personal but it's not going to be that type of relationship.

> OOP: Thank you, that actually means a lot. And yeah sitting them both down together is probably the smarter move so there's no he said she said after. I don't want to hurt anyone I just need them to understand where I'm coming from.

Commenter 4: NTA. That guy just assumed this role without considering your feelings at all. Standing up at an event and making an announcement like that was awfully nervy. It had to come to a head at some point, but his actions started it.

> OOP: Yeah he kind of forced my hand honestly. If he'd never stood up and said that I'd probably still be quietly getting on with it. He started the conversation, I just finished it.

Commenter 5: YTA. You never spoke up and just accepted all his overparenting silently, and this is the first time you've ever verbally expressed discomfort, so that makes you the asshole. How was he supposed to know, he can't read your mind. You're 19 now so you've been an adult for a whole year, you couldn't find any time in the past year to mention it? It didn't have to ruin anything, you could just say you want to keep the dynamic between you and him cordial and not as parent and child. And now during a big family gathering, you decided to drop the bomb on everyone without giving him so much as a heads up. Your attempt to avoid ruining the relationship has backfired on you, now it’s definitely ruined, and it’s because you didn't bother to speak up.

People telling you that you're NTA have missed the point, you didn't speak up, nobody knows what you think. That's your fault.

You also completely forgot to mention how your brother feels about him. It bothers YOU that he ruffles your brother's hair and calls him champ, but does that bother your brother? He was younger than you when your dad died, so he has less memories of him and would be able to attach himself to a new parental figure easier. What if he likes Dave as a father figure?

And don't use the excuse that nobody asked you in 2 years so it’s not your fault. You just said that you didn't want to ruin the relationship, so would you even have told the truth if your mom asked how you felt about Dave? It sounds like you wouldn't have said anything and just expected her to know. And did you ask your brother how he feels about Dave like you expected people to ask you?

> OOP: Okay this is the one comment I actually needed to sit with. You're right that I chose silence and then acted surprised when silence didn't communicate anything. And the point about my brother is fair, I've been assuming he feels the same as me without ever actually asking him. I don't fully agree that makes me the AH, but I hear you.

Commenter 6: NTA.. he actually humiliated himself. He is in your life and in whatever position you choose to let him be, and for as long as you choose to let him be. He doesn't get to replace or act as your father as he sees fit. He is only your mums BF, and only for 2 yrs, your mum needs to stand by you and shut down his train of thought.

> OOP: Yeah my mum taking his side is honestly the part that hurt more than anything Dave did. Dave doesn't fully know me yet, but she does. She knows how much I miss my dad and she still stood in that kitchen and made it about his feelings.

Commenter 7: He should know better than to take ownership of a role that's yours to give. he didn't raise you, and by the sounds he's only been in your life properly for a year, and yours not a kid so his role if anything is more of a family friend at this stage. You were harsh and could have handled it better, but he should have respected your position better.

> OOP: Family friend is actually the perfect way to describe what he is right now. That's not an insult, it's just accurate. And yeah I could've been smoother about it, but he also needed to understand that the role of father figure isn't his to claim, it's mine to offer.

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Update: June 25, 2026 (five days later)

Update: AITA for telling my mum's boyfriend he's not my dad at my own birthday dinner, in front of everyone?

So three days after the birthday I asked Dave if we could talk, just the two of us, no mum in the room, he agreed straight away which surprised me. We sat in the kitchen and I told him I don't have a problem with you as a person, you make my mum happy and I can see you genuinely care about her, but I already have a dad, he's not here anymore but he was here and he raised me and nobody gets to step into that without me offering it first, and a public speech at my birthday was never going to be the moment that happened.

He went quiet for a bit and then just said "I completely overstepped and I'm sorry," no excuses, no defending himself, just that, and honestly I wasn't expecting it to be that clean. He said he thought he was doing something nice and didn't realise how it would land and I told him I believed him, but good intentions don't cancel out the impact and he nodded.

We sat there a bit awkwardly then he made us both a cup of tea and we ended up talking for another hour about nothing in particular and it was actually fine. Mum cried when I told her how it went, not sad crying, just relieved I think, and she apologised for making it about his feelings on the night and admitted she knew I'd been holding a lot in and should have checked in sooner, which meant more to me than anything else honestly. Dave and I are not suddenly close and we're probably never going to be but there's an understanding now that wasn't there before and that's enough for me. I also asked my brother how he feels about Dave and turns out he actually likes having him around, which I wasn't expecting but I'm genuinely glad about because he's 15 and he needs that even if I don't. Anyway thanks for not letting me spiral, NTA stands and so do the boundaries.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Awesome update! I'm glad things worked out.

> OOP: Thank you, me too honestly, didn't expect it to go that smoothly.

Commenter 2: Sounds like a pretty good resolution. Dave could be a good dude if he continues to respect boundaries. Glad your Mom has also seemingly come to her senses.

> OOP: Yeah that's exactly it, if he keeps respecting it then we'll be fine. And mum coming around meant a lot.

Commenter 3: oh I love hearing good updates. So glad you went to speak to him about the issue. He seems like a good guy that just screwed up

> OOP: That's pretty much what I concluded too, good guy who just massively misjudged the moment.

OOP clarifies on the timeline of the posts

> OOP: Ah fair catch honestly. I drafted the original post the night it happened but sat on it for two weeks before actually posting it, kept going back and forth on whether to share it at all. By the time I hit post I'd already had the conversation with Dave, but I wanted to see what people thought of the original situation first before sharing the update. Probably should have mentioned that.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Blogger8517

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH For Cutting Off my Pregnant "Friend" Who Has Cancelled Last Minute On Everything For The Last 3+ Years.

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Original Post: May 23, 2026

Someone I know is currently pregnant and due to give birth very soon, but for the last 3 years have consistently cancelled last minute on plans, deflected blame, and I feel used and disposable.

AITAH for blocking her?

For context, over the last year I can count on one hand the amount of times she has showed up to things our friend and I planned for months in advance. We all live 2-3 hours from each other, so driving to do dinners, celebrate bdays, etc. is very time consuming and expensive.

However, I'm happy to put in the effort when it is appreciated, but over the last 2 years the excuses became that she was too tired or she wanted to spend time with her bf, and now most recently, I haven't even gotten a text at all- just straight up feeling disrespected that she would rather sit at home and not put in the effort to come to plans she supposedly wanted to make. My birthday was my last straw - 2 months ago - I picked the restaurant, activities, and everything surrounding her due to the pregnancy.

There were multiple texts sent out in the week and month leading up to this- texting her multiples times to confirm the plans. Shocker - she did not come but here's the kicker - she tried to make it seem like it was my fault for not reminding her or telling her about the plans. I followed that up with screenshots of the texts of all the times of me telling her.

That being said, I continued to try and be there for her throughout her pregnancy and supported her. However, it's clear I'm no longer wanted in any capacity. I'm posting on here for the fact that I can't talk to anyone else about this due to her being pregnant and knowing that her cancelling last minute will be seen as excused- but I've felt used and disposable over the constant disappointment and expectations for me to show up for her over the years prior to this.

I truly don't understand how someone can be this selfish and I almost want to say that this is why she will have nobody in her corner, because how is it fair to continue to try and show up for someone who is so disrespectful of my time and everyone else's time besides her boyfriend who she always cancelled on me last minute for.

Due to the timing of this I have chosen to block her and not discuss anything about my grievances because of two reasons, 1.) It's not going to change anything as she's very aware of how rude she's been. 2.) She's pregnant - and I refuse to be painted in a negative light that I stressed out a first time mom.

However, I just felt like I needed someone to hear my perspective. Today, she planned something but of course, she didn't even cancel last minute she just texted our other friend saying she is using this time to get her hair and nails done. The sad part is- I never even planned on going solely for the fact that I wasn't going to waste the time, money, and gas for someone to stand me up.

It's a hard lesson to learn that no matter how much you try with someone whether that be a friend, family, or a man, that some people just don't care, ever. I blocked her because I don't want to see the inevitable text of "omg I miss you let's make plans." Truly at this point it just feels like she got pleasure from knowing she has someone care about her and she could do whatever she wanted, and I'd still be there. I felt used.

Editor's note: OOP later shared with a small update

Thank you so much to everyone who has commented and replied to this post. It feels nice to know I’m not crazy or selfish for simply wanting to have someone show up for me the same way I’ve tried to do, let alone consistently deal with being no call no showed after already going to said plans.

I wanted to make note that I have decided to unblock her following the advice of some of the comments and that it would serve me more benefit in the future. I also have known for a very long time that I would not see her once she gives birth but deep down I know it won’t just be because of the baby, but it will be also partially due to how she’s been up until now.

Something that I’m struggling coming to terms with is that I don’t feel comfortable inviting her to the things that were once non-negotiable such as holidays or bdays that she has no showed even before she got pregnant or gave birth.

I just don’t understand how someone is so okay with dropping off the face of the earth but on social media, pretending like everything is ok.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was unanimously NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA—She's proven she doesn't value anyone's time—now that she's about to have a kid she'll use that as an excuse. You were right to cut her lose, if any mutual friends ask just say she doesn't respect you, and you're done. Plain and simple, if all she has is her baby daddy, then let that be the village she keeps flaking on since she's got no else. This is a lesson she needs to learn

> OOP: Sadly yes, I don't plan on reaching out or going out of my way to help her.

Commenter 2: She is clearly telling you that she doesn’t want a friendship with you. It would be easier if she would just come out and say that, but her consistent behavior tells you all you need to know.

Just walk away…

> OOP: What’s crazy is that she says she’s treated me the best out of her other friends.

Commenter 3: INFO: Does she give you adequate time when she's planning to cancel or is she cancelling while you are literally on your way/already there? > > OOP: She cancels plans 1 hour before, sometimes she doesn't even say anything. After we have already done the labor. >> >> Commenter 3: Then NTA. >> >> Being a flake isn't a huge deal if you are considerate enough to give decent notice (Controversial, I know). Life gets in the way, or people have their own issues to deal with, or sometimes you just plain and simple can't be bothered. >> >> Cancelling with no warning after time, money and labour has went into the plans is being a bad friend. She doesn't value your friendship like you do. >> >> If you are constantly the one doing the heavy lifting in a friendship then you need to leave - the foundations of friendship are based on mutual respect and effort, which she is not providing. >>> >>> OOP: This. I personally have been raised to never cancel except in serious emergencies, it's not really the cancellations that have pushed me this far, it's the deliberate and intentional action of knowing I was fully invested into the plans, and she never had to be.

Commenter 4: NTA, but don't block her, that escalates things and makes you the bad guy. Next time she says she'd love to get together, tell her you'd love that too, and that she should set it up and let you know if she will be there. Then just don't plan on it happening.

If she doesn't have time for you now, and you're not a priority in her life at all, then you definitely won't be spending time with her after the baby is born. So the friendship will slowly peter out on its own at that point, without you having to take any responsibility for it, and without any weird awkwardness in the future. I wouldn't want to be seen as the jerk who blocked her just before she had a baby. So just consider her an old acquaintance and say hi once in a while if she reaches out, but expect nothing else from her.

> OOP: I’m at the point where that’s my mindset but the thing I’m having trouble coming to terms with is I just want her to feel some type of guilt or something for how’s she’s been. Especially since she seems to think we aren’t good friends to her.

Has OOP received any apologies from her friend?

> OOP: I’ve never received an apology either

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Update: June 24, 2026 (one month later)

Update: AITAH For Cutting Off my Pregnant "Friend" Who Has Cancelled Last Minute On Everything For The Last 3+ Years.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/QxWPEiqA11

Hi all, please see original post above.

My friend had her baby a few weeks ago, a couple of days ago I got contacted by one of her family members. They asked me why I hadn’t come to see her and the new baby and that if I was “so excited” and supportive of her why haven’t I made an attempt to visit. Keep in mind, I’ve done a lot of things this summer so I’m assuming the insecurity came from all of my posts.

I happily informed said family member of the constant updates I have asked for, and included screenshots of the times I’ve asked to come see her. No response. I understand that in my previous post I said I had blocked her, but it’s a complicated situation with her being postpartum. The reason why I have unblocked and have reached out is so now I can report to the family member that yes, I have asked to come see them, and no, I’m not getting a response.

They apologized immediately and said they were not told the full story. My friend told the family member that she was feeling isolated and alone that she has not had anyone at her house. Essentially, my purpose with this is to show proof of doing everything in my power to not be the person I’m made out to be.

I hope at least in this aspect, they can start to put the pieces together and see that she’s being controlled. Still have not received a response btw.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Glad you have stood up for yourself and set records straight. Pregnancy brain is real so I could see her getting the message and forgetting to respond, but that doesn't excuse her icing you out completely and lying about it like she has. You've done the right steps to protect yourself and I agree that keeping her unblocked for now is a good thing but that'll dropping the rope to low contact is also what's best in this situation. Hope you can enjoy some peace

> OOP: Thanks. Yes, pregnancy brain is real but doesn’t excuse lying. I don’t think it’s entirely coming from her- she’s isolated because she allowed herself to become that way due to her BD.

Commenter 2: Are you saying she devalued your friendship by making plans and cancelling them last minute or are you saying she is being isolated by a controlling boyfriend? Those are 2 very different scenarios. Your first post mentions none of this, this current post alludes to it a couple of times. The advice for you is very different based on is she being controlled or is she just not being a good friend?

> OOP: I think it’s both, she’s done this for a long time, but the recent isolation is making me think it’s being influenced. The reason why my first post mentions none of it is because her cancelling last minute was not anything new but the isolation is.

Commenter 3: Where is the isolation and the idea of her boyfriend being abusive come from? I read the original post, and her partner was barely mentioned. How is she now being controlled? She just seemed like a pregnant flake who's a bad friend. Where is all this other stuff coming from now?

> OOP: She’s been flakey for a long time. I only mention the isolation because that’s an abuse tactic, it’s hard to know what it is since I’m in the dark. I was just saying it’s a possibility.

Commenter 4: I think you're NTA, but it's possible that this isn't the result of abuse.

If she was a flaky liar even before her partner, she may have just escalated the behavior because you & everyone else in her life enabled it. You kept letting her disrespect your time & you in general, so once you stop letting it happen she gets all huffy. Like a spoiled child.

I really hope she isn't being abused, but c'mon man... If she's always been like this, then it's more likely because it's just the way she is.

> OOP: Honestly that’s the best case scenario. I’m tired of being nice.

Commenter 5: NTA, and I absolutely why you've dropped the rope but... isolating a partner is a common abuse tactic and abuse often starts during pregnancy, so I have some concern for her situation. As long as someone is seeing her and the baby regularly, and they're not in immediate danger, then maybe she can be left to stew for the time being. I just wonder is she ok and just a terrible friend who was already flaky before being postpartum or if she's being coerced into ghosting friends and family since she got into this relationship?

> OOP: She was flaky before him, but it only worsened after, also yes I agree about the isolation thing which is why I’m glad I have a contact. I want the abuse to be seen for what it is, if it is abuse and him not be able to get away with isolating her.

Can OOP tell her friend's family about the suspicions on the boyfriend?

> OOP: They all think he’s great :/

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_bumprint

Originally posted to r/WhatShouldIDo

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: My (35f) friend slapped my bum on a night out leaving a handprint. My husband (30m) doesn’t believe it was her. How to convince him?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Triggers Warnings: >!physical assault, body injuries, emotional abuse, destruction of property!<

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RECAP

Original Post: March 9, 2026

Went out for a friends birthday on Friday night and had a few drinks. Early on in the night I tripped over (before I’d even had a drink) and I ended up on all fours and one of my friends ran and slapped my bum. We all laughed and the night carried on and I thought nothing more of it.

When I got home around 1am my husband was still awake in bed. I undressed to get in to bed and that’s when he noticed I had a hand mark on my bum. He instantly jumped out of bed and started demanding to know what it was and who did it. I stuttered a bit because I couldn’t even remember then it dawned on me, so I told him what happened, but he didn’t believe me. He asked for my phone and obviously found nothing too serious but just said I’d deleted everything to cover my tracks.

I went to the bathroom to have a look in the mirror and there was a definite handprint on there. He followed me and we stood there arguing for over half an hour and every time I tried to leave as I was cold and naked he’d stop me and accuse me of trying to run away. He said this doesn’t sound like my friend at all, which is true as she’s a very timid quiet person. He also said the handprint is too big for a woman, but my friend is tall, she’s around 6 foot and does have big hands.

I even ended up ringing my friend to corroborate my story and she even offered to come round and prove the handprint is hers by putting her hand on the print. He said we’d made up the story between us all and used the tall friend as the culprit as she’d have the biggest handprint.

I asked the group chat if any of them had a video, but they don’t. All weekend we’ve been having this discussion and he doesn’t believe me. The handprint has gone now but he can’t let it go and keeps constantly asking me. It’s 4:45am here and he woke me up at 4 to ask about it.

How can I make him believe me? I don’t know what to do.

TLDR: friend slapped my bum and left a handprint. Husband doesn’t believe me and thinks it’s a man.

Some of Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: Sue her for sexual assault, and file a police report. Legitimize it.

> OOP: No chance

Commenter 1: I know this isn't what you want to hear, but he either trusts you or he doesn't. You can't make him trust you.

> OOP: This is what I don’t get. I’ve never given him a reason not to. > >> Commenter 1: Has he been cheated on before? I can see it striking a chord if that's the case. If not, it sounds like projection...or red pill shit on social media >> >>> OOP: Not that I know of. I said to him yesterday he’s projecting.

Commenter 2: Is this a new behaviour or has he always accused you of cheating?

> OOP: First time he’s ever accused me of

Commenter 3: What you should do is ring the bar, explain the situation & ask for the CCTV footage.

If they say yes, make a bet with him of something that’ll hurt. “If it’s my friend you x if it’s a man I y. Do you want to take the bet or do you believe me?” You need to find something he’ll regret that’ll make him think twice about pulling this kind of bullying shit again but give him the opportunity to stop on his own. Then go look at the footage & hold him to it. Knock him back into his place.

> OOP: It was outside walking down the road. I tripped over a drain cover.

Commenter 4: Sounds like your husband has some issues to begin with. You're allowed to go out and have fun with friends, it seems odd he just didn't believe you AND thinks all of your friends are in on it. Is there a history of cheating here?

> OOP: Yeah it’s starting to feel like projection to me. No nothing at all. I’ve never so much as looked at another man.

Commenter 5: Ok so logically the facts, you couldn’t remember it happening even though you were sober , it would have to really hard to leave a full handprint , through clothing to have it still there fully 5/6/7 hours later . Slap your own bare thigh and it’s gone in an hour or so … He’s got every right to question it and the right to not believe you because it honestly sounds sketchy . Generally to have a full handprint, not bruised (as you said it went away) would have to be hard on bare skin . Is this post to make the story believable ?

> OOP: No because he won’t see this post. I was wearing a thin dress and a thong (an outfit he chose out for me I might add) and I was on my hands and knees, so the skin was tight and I’m on blood thinners, so I do mark and bruise easily. All facts he knew.

Commenter 6: Your timid friend just put you on the path to a divorce which I think is really ironic. I think it's also possible that your husband has been harboring resentment for late night girls nights out for a while, and this was the final straw. I do also think that his behavior and reaction is over the top and abusive.

> OOP: I go out 3 or 4 times a year. He goes out every weekend.

&nbsp;

Update #1: March 15, 2026 (six days later)

UPDATE My (35f) friend slapped my bum on a night out leaving a handprint. My husband (30m) doesn’t believe she did it. How do I convince him.

To start with I’ll clear a few things up from my last post.

My husband chose my outfit for me that night and it was a very thin dress with a thong underneath so there was very little protection of my derrière. I was also on all fours laughing so my bum was sticking up and then I heard footsteps running towards me and got absolutely thunder clapped on my arse. The sound echoed around the housing estate, and you know a slap is good when both the slapper and the slappee are in agony. All night that cheek was warmer than the other. I’m also on blood thinners which means I mark and bruise very easily.

Second thing is my stammering when I told him. Might be TMI but I was doing a strip tease for him while he was in bed and as I let my dress drop I stuck my bum out, so it was right near him, and he screamed at the top of his voice “what the fuck is that!?” And then jumped out of bed and got in my face making me fall on to the bed and screamed “who the fuck did that!?” It took me a couple of seconds to realise what he meant. If he asked normally I’d have said “Emily slapped my arse”.

Also I wasn’t drunk like so many people said. I had three glasses of wine over 6 hours.

All the men who said a married woman shouldn’t be out without her husband, and there was at least five of you, are gross. My husband goes out every weekend, but I do it three times a year and I’m “for the streets”.

People asked about our sex life. We used to have sex, or I’d give him oral nearly every day but the last few months it’s dried up to once a week. I have brought this up with him as I need it more.

Also the not so serious thing he found on my phone, which a lot of men took to mean I’d been messaging someone else, was a porn video I’d favourited because I like it.

Right on to the update. It’s been over a week, he still doesn’t believe me, and I’ve told him I want to split up with him. Emily offered to come round on the night and he said no. I’ve told him to speak to all my friends and he’s said no. When I said look at the rip in my dress from where I fell and my bloody knees he said that’s from me giving head. How aggressively does he think I dropped to my knees? He’s looked through my phone and found nothing. When I asked to look through his he said, “no I’m not the one on trial here”. He’s woke me up three times in the night to berate me. He’s burnt all my going out clothes. He’s threatened to post photos and videos of me to show the world what a slag I am. He’s also grabbed me twice and pushed me on to the sofa once which I will be informing my brother about later when I see him for Mother’s Day.

So all in all a shit week and I’ve told him to get the fuck out of my house and I’ll be divorcing him. He’s not worked for six months and has no savings, and the house was mine before I met him and he’s never paid towards the mortgage or any repair or upkeep work so he’s getting fuck all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Can't work without trust. And he actively does NOT want to trust you. So... Bub-byyy! PS, I hope everything from here on out works out for you.

> OOP: That’s pretty much what I’ve said. I’ve never been treated as untrustworthy in any aspect of my life and I don’t like it

Commenter 2: Girl get security cameras and for sure talk to your brother. If anyone shoved or laid hands on my family I wouldn’t even care about the jail time id face.

> OOP: I’ve already got them around my house and got dog watching cameras inside.

Downvoted Commenter: I will never understand why women waste their time and life with men like this. He can't even afford to get upset. Make better choices

> OOP: He’s never acted like this before. This is the first time. Am I supposed to see in to the future?

Commenter 3: He chose your outfit, he sent you out in the most provocative outfit he could. He's not been having sex with you as much as you'd like lately, and he jumps straight to you cheating. I reckon he's been cheating on you and wanted to set you up so he could claim you cheated on him. Then he can leave the relationship to be with his mistress.

> OOP: I think you’re right.

Commenter 4: He's accusing you because he has something to hide for sure. He's messaging girls, watches OF, something. He's definitely thought about cheating. Good for you taking out the trash.

> OOP: I genuinely don’t care if he’s watching porn or subscribing to OF but there’s something going off if he won’t let me see his phone.

Commenter 5: He refuses to accept the truth because it damages his ego. He is doubling down and refuses to be proven wrong.

> OOP: I said that’s why he won’t talk to my friends because he’s too proud to be wrong.

Commenter 6: Sounds like he’s been cheating. Also weird that he hasn’t worked or put anything towards the house… no savings? Good riddance, the trash took itself out. What a bum.

> OOP: He was at uni when we met and since has floated around jobs and that’s it

Commenter 7: good for you. You have to divorce him. How long were you married for? How did he take it? Imagine him having to explain why he's getting divorced--he threw a fit about the dumbest thing ever.

> OOP: Been together ten years married for four. He didn’t seem to care.

Commenter 8: I bet your bottom dollar, he will walk away and (through divorce proceedings) you will end up having to pay him in lieu of equity for the house.

> OOP: I won’t pay him anything. It’s different here in England. The house predates him and any payments towards it have come from my bank account.

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Update #2: April 1, 2026 (2.5 weeks later)

UPDATE 2 my (35f) friend slapped my bum on a night out leaving a handprint. My husband (30f) doesn’t believe she did it. How to convince him?

I’ve had a lot of messages from people asking for an update so here it is. It’s a pretty uneventful one as nothing has happened but I’ll try and clear things up.

In my first update I mentioned kicking him out and he’s still out and I haven’t heard from him at all. My brother did go to see him and his brothers after Mother’s Day so maybe that’s why I haven’t heard from him. I did take some advice then and had new security cameras installed and lighting all around my house and changed every lock. I know it’s a bit paranoid, but I’ve also screwed my letter box shut and got a postbox outside so he can’t pour anything nasty through there. I also change my company car every couple of days in case he’s put a tracker on it. I’m really overthinking it but just being sure.

I also was a bit petty and posted a picture on my Instagram of me on all fours and Emily with her hand on my bum lol.

I’m not sticking up for my ex here, but I do want to clear up the issue of him choosing my outfits. That’s always been my idea. I saw it on a film when I was younger and always thought it seemed sexy my partner choosing an outfit that they find me attractive in and it makes me excited to get home in it so he can see me in it again.

I’ve also had a lot of messages from both men and women, sadly, insulting me for being out at that time and saying it’s embarrassing a woman of my age behaving in such a way. I’ve also had a few women message me and tell me that I’m a whore for doing a striptease for my husband and I’m degrading myself. No it’s not degrading to try and turn my husband on, so he’ll bang me until the sun comes up. Women enjoy sex too.

Anyway thank you everyone for caring it really means a lot ❤️.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I hope you put in a police report about him pushing you around, destroying your clothes and threatening to post videos of you. You need it on record in case it escalates.

> **OOP:**It won’t escalate as I’m not with him anymore.

Commenter 2: Has your man always been ok with you going out like that without him? I’m just curious

> OOP: Yeah never an issue before. In fact he’d encourage it. He goes out every weekend, and it was never a problem on the odd occasion when I did.

Commenter 3: What do you mean “your” house? You mean HIS house, that HE is paying for?

> OOP: No MY house that I bought before I was with him and that he has never paid towards the mortgage or repairs on. How misogynistic that you assume because he’s the man he’s paying for it. He hasn’t worked for six months and when he did he earned minimum wage.

Commenter 4: Take a vacation. Just leave for a while. Don't tell anyone who speaks to this man where you are going. Absolute silence will help cool the situation hopefully. Also install a camera outside that looks onto your front doors. This guy sounds like a real loser. Stay safe and don't let him a second of your time. If he has stuff at your place dump it at someone else's house and let that person say they have his stuff . Check your phone for tracking software to. Stay safe

> OOP: I’m already booked to go to Karakow next week anyway.

OOP responds to multiple downvoted comments about Mother's Day isn't until May

> OOP: Not everywhere is America.

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#----NEW UPDATE----

Update #3: June 24, 2026 (over 2.5 months later)

UPDATE 3 my (35f) friend slapped my bum on a night out leaving a handprint. My husband (30f) doesn’t believe she did it. How to convince him?

Well this has been quiet for nearly three months. Not heard from him or his friends. Everything with the divorce going smoothly. Had no strange behaviour online or in person.

Then Tuesday night me and some friends (all women) went to a local pub to watch the England game. We weren’t drinking as we all had work in the morning. We just wanted to soak up the atmosphere.

About midway through the first half I notice my ex is in there with another woman. She looks nice and I don’t think anything more of it and just carry on with my friends without even looking over again. I didn’t tell my friends as I didn’t want them looking or talking about.

At the end of one of the most boring matches of football I’ve ever seen we are leaving when my friend next to me suddenly drops to the floor and then a bottle hits the floor. I spin around and my ex is stood in the doorway of the pub. He sees what’s happened and just turns around and walks back in.

My friend isn’t knocked out but she’s very confused so we call an ambulance. The police come too and my ex admits what he’s done and tells them he was aiming for me but missed. He’s arrested and my friend is taken to hospital.

My friend has x rays and is thankfully ok just a bit concussed. Her husband is a very rough type. The local down the pub every weekend sniffing coke and getting in trouble type, but he is incredibly devoted to his wife. She is his absolute world, and he was at the hospital in tears when he saw her. Then when we left he went down to the police station to try and get my ex and got himself arrested.

My ex is out on bail now, my friends husband is looking everywhere for him, I told my brother last night what happened and he’s desperate to find him too, but I’ve asked him to leave it.

I haven’t heard or seen my ex since he was arrested. Hopefully he’s gone in to hiding. My brother stayed with me last night just in case. I didn’t ask him too and I had to cancel a shag I’d arranged lol.

So after a couple of quiet months it’s sparked back up again a bit.

Thank you all for your support on my last post and for your DM’s x

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Good lord, what a stupid man. I'm glad you're okay and that your friend will be okay. I hope your ex gets what he deserves. > > OOP: My friend will be ok, but I feel terrible as that was meant for me. I’m hoping he gets time for it, but the police said he’ll probably just get a bit of community service.

Commenter 2: God what an idiot your ex is. Especially as he was out on a date

> OOP: Yeah I know. Like what was she thinking while he’s throwing a glass bottle at his ex.

Commenter 3: Can't you use his motive to get a restraining order against him? Like, a deliberate intent to cause bodily harm already sounds like crazy, dangerous bullshit. Get a lawyer, girl PS I just googled it and yeah, this definitely falls under criminal prosecution because of his confession that he was aiming for you but missed. And that carries a sentence of up to 5 years in prison.

> OOP: I’ve already set them wheels in motion. It’s been made a lot easier by the fact he confessed he was trying to hurt me.

Commenter 4: The audacity to first fuck over a free home as an unemployed bum, being cared for without really reciprocating with a woman who loves you and gets excited about getting him excited by letting him pick clothes, and then going back for fuck up seconds like it's an addiction he can't quit. I mean, that's so deeply dumb that there's no excuse. How much money you wanna bet that he blames her for everything instead of himself? Oh, and he had to be cheating with all that projection! Hiding his phone

> OOP: I still think he was cheating on me. I never got proof and I’m over it now, but when I sit and think about it all the signs are there.

OOP on her friend's health progress after the glass bottle incident

> OOP: She’s had brain scans there’s no damage.

Commenter 5: I'll bet I know exactly what happened. Your ex is there with his date, probably sees OP at some point, then probably spends his entire date ranting about OP, which should rightly set off all the red flags (OP inadvertently did his date a solid) so she bails which infuriates the ex further, so he tries to chuck a bottle at OP. I hope he knows all about the enraged husband and is shitting his pants in hiding somewhere far away.

> OOP: He knows exactly who he hit which means he lost twice.

Commenter 6: Wait was this the same friend that slapped your ass 3 months ago?

> OOP: No she was there but the bottle hit a different friend.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Sad_Knee_6060

Originally posted to r/Marriage

My son claimed that my husband hit him and my husband denied it. Now he wants a divorce

Trigger Warnings: >!false accusations!<

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Original Post: June 22, 2026

My son from previous marriage is 13 years old. I have been married to my husband for 5 years and we have a newborn.

My son said that my husband slapped him and I kinda freaked out. I confronted him and he was confused (at least from his expression). He denied it vehemently and I kinda was not hearing it. He walked away from me.

After I calmed down after, I talked to him and he said that he didn't hit him and he has no obligation to prove anything. So if I want to be mad, be mad in another room. I did leave.

At night, when I joined him in the bed, he said he wants a divorce. He said that my son lied and he doesn't care why he lied. Whether he is jealous of him or want me for himself, he is not interested in finding out. He doesn't wanna deal with it and he doesn't want to be accused of something he didn't do. So he is out.

Here is the thing, I talked to my son in detail, and he is being evasive, defensive and I am seriously doubting him, but I do have the obligation to protect him..

Did I destroyed my marriage for nothing? What should I do? How do I know the truth. If my son lied than I need to deal with him and I am gonna be talking to him again and getting full story.

But my husband? He just left. I was not gonna leave him over just one slap without knowing the full story. He has never shown aggression towards him or anyone. I would have tried other methods first. Is that bad? Am I a bad mom for it that I didn't jump to divorce straight away?

I have tried to talk to my husband, but he basically said that he doesn't want to be painted as a bad person. It's not like he can prove his innocence. So he would rather not wait for another false accusation and just protect himself

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in the original post

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Yea he didn’t go nuclear over just this one incident. You’ve probably done this before and he’s not willing to lose his freedom over a false accusation. I don’t blame him either. You either get your kid help or loose a good man, but it seems like you already have. > > Commenter 2: Not necessarily but this is the kind of wakeup call that only needs to happen once. > > If the kid is willing to falsely accuse him of this (if truly a false accusation) what else is he willing to accuse the husband of? > > People's lives have been ruined by accusations like that, and nobody wants to feel like they have to be on guard in their own home.

Commenter 3: I get the husband's side. People go to jail or prison over false accusations all the time and if I thought I might get put away because someone fibbed, I'd bounce too. You pointed out he's not an aggressive person. You can't blame him for wanting to protect himself. > > Commenter 4: Plus if the kid gets away with it this time, the lies will just get more and more extreme. The husband is right to get out now.

Commenter 5: So your husband who never shown signs of being violent was accused by your 13 y old son, who according to you is evasive, and the first thing you did was to be aggressive on your husband instead of talking to him and not give him the benefit of the doubt.

And you can't understand why he wants a divorce?

Next time that your son (now that he sees that you act first and ask questions second) tells you he hit him again or worse, you will again back up your son without any hesitation or proof and he will end up in jail.

Your husband is protecting himself, and rightfully so given he has a kid to take care and 0 support or trust from you.

Commenter 6: All it takes is one false accusation to ruin someone’s life. My stepdaughter once accused us of doing drugs while we were in the middle of a nasty custody battle and it derailed our lives for months and cost us quite a bit of money. Were we innocent? Absolutely, and testing proved it but that could have cost us our jobs and could have cost me my kids if my ex didn’t know me as well as he does. It had a lasting impact on our family and there is still distrust and uneasiness.

So, yeah… your husband is choosing himself and I don’t blame him. You didn’t sit them both down and ask what happened, you jumped to accusing him. If his own spouse doesn’t care to find out the truth before making a snap judgement, why should he stay?

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Update: June 23, 2026 (next day)

I questioned my son again and he admitted to lying. He has never acted out this way and he is crying now. I am still processing it and figuring it out.

I apologised to my husband, and he accepted it but made it clear that he has no interest in living with my son. So he is gonna leave and wants equal custody for our 10 month old, who is still breastfeeding btw. So I was against it

He basically told me that either I just agree or he will take me to court. He would rather not spend the money on lawyers, but he will bankrupt both of us if he is forced to. Which has happened to one of our neighbor.

So I am pissed, sad and angry. I have reported your DMs, and I am gonna keep reporting if you keep harassing me.

For people who were nice to me, thank you for it. My life is completely destroyed and nothing I can do about it

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in the update

Top Comments

Commenter 1: I can’t blame him. If he stayed, he’d be forever living in fear of your lying son doing it again and you flying off the handle and taking his side without getting the info first. He’s making the right choice to protect himself. Your son’s lies and you blindly siding with him could literally jeopardize his future with his biological child as well if he was wrongly convicted of abuse.

Commenter 2: Something tells me this is the last straw in a long line of things your son has done. Get a lawyer and get your kid the help he needs.

Commenter 3: Husband is right to leave to protect himself. You were right to question him and protect your son.

It's just a shitty situation for both of you, This seems to be unpopular from the comments I have read but I don't believe you deserve the harassment you are receiving.

Commenter 4: Congrats to your husband. I wish him all the best.

If I could, I’d pay for all the beers at the bar for him to celebrate.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Kind_Article_8274

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for not letting my mom help me with my new home?

Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of depression, controlling behavior!<

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Original Post: June 21, 2026

I (25F) just bought a house. I got it practically new, it has a huge basement, a nice back yard, a garage, and I got it for relatively cheap so I'm super excited to start putting my personality into it. My family is also very excited, particularly my mom (55F).

I have depression and I am medicated for it, but sometimes I get a bit lethargic and slow and I am not as productive as most people. My family is made up of busy bodies and go getters, and my mom has a battery that never runs out.

She likes to come sleep over some weekends and thinks of my house as her "vacation", and I've never had a problem with that. But while she is here, she feels the need to "fix" things, or help out in ways that I generally do not want. I have asked her repeatedly for what feels like years to please respect the boundaries that I have set and to not do anything to my place that I don't ask her to do, or that she doesn't ask me to do.

Well, recently every time she is here we have gotten into a fight. The first was because she was criticizing all of the changes I wanted to make (paint colors, furniture, selling some of my old stuff, etc.). When I was younger she gave me a sleigh bed headboard that she really liked, and I wanted to sell it because it was too big for this new place. She saw that as me rejecting her gift and felt I needed to keep it because it was from her and she loves that bed. I told her she could have it if she didn't want me to sell it, and eventually I got her to take it.

The second was because she decided she was going to bring a bunch of furniture she found on Facebook marketplace without telling me as a surprise. I am currently trying to get rid of some of my furniture so that I can see what I like, so I really don't want more stuff I don't want. All of the stuff she was going to bring was exactly what I have always said I did not like lol.

The third was because she wanted to plant a tree in my back yard. I want to get into gardening and want to plant my own stuff when I feel I have the time and energy to do so. She feels that because she already has a bunch of plants and knows a lot about them, she should start doing it. She wanted to plant a fruit tree in my yard and I told her no, and that led to a very large fight between me and both of my parents.

There are a bunch more that have happened every time she has come here. She feels I am ungrateful for all that she is trying to do for me, and thinks that she is making my life easier. I feel like she is not respecting my boundaries, and I just want to take my time to do what I want with MY house.

Am I overreacting, should I let her do what she wants? I am tired of fighting and spending my weekends upset.

EDIT: I feel like a lot of people think that I haven't already talked with her about this. I have, several times. I have been VERY clear with my boundaries to her. She has left my place literally crying because of how big our fights have gotten about this. It hasn't mattered.

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: As a mom myself, I promise you she’s excited for you and wants you to have a beautiful home that you love and she’s willing to spend the money and do the work to help you achieve that.

However, she needs to take a step back. It’s hard for us parents to keep our preferences to ourselves, and to not say the wrong thing, or overstep when we think we’re truly helping.

If you aren’t comfortable having a face to face conversation write her a letter or email. Remind her that you’re thankful for her help, but you want to make the final decisions about your home, much like she did with hers. That you don’t want to fight over what you want versus what she likes. You want to outfit your new nest in your own style not hers. And that you appreciate her help in finding that style on your own time. Some of us need a lot of time to make choices and to follow through. Ask her to work with you on your timeline, not hers.

I feel like she’s just trying to have fun playing house with you and needs reminders that it’s your house.

You are NTA, but I don’t think she is either.

> OOP: I agree with you and yeah, I don't think she is trying to stress me. I have had these conversations repeatedly and often lol, and they never quite stick. I will keep trying.

Commenter 2: NTA. She's just adding to your depression and manipulating you. Are you in therapy and also, does she have a key to your home?

> OOP: She does and yeah I am. I appreciate the help when I ask for it, it's the extra that just gets to me.

Commenter 3: NTA. Don’t let her do what she wants, and stop “asking” her not to and start “telling” her. Make it clear to her that everything is going to be your way, not hers, and if she doesn’t listen, she will be escorted to the door. And if she keeps it up, you’ll be taking a break from her constant interference.

The furniture she brought from FB marketplace, tell her she has to take it away and deal with it since you don’t want it. Make her take it. You have to be tough to solve the problem of her, or you’ll be dealing with it endlessly. Nicely-nice doesn’t get through to pushy, interfering people.

> OOP: Oh I didn't let her bring it to my house lol. I haven't been for anything.

Commenter 4: NTA. Don't let her steal the satisfaction you'll get by doing it yourself.

I understand a mother wanting to help her children, but this isn't helping, it's taking charge.

You said she considers your home her vacation and now she wants to turn your house into a vacation home she likes.

Never give in to a control freak because it will never stop.

I'd also suggest you stop her from visiting every single weekend. Find a way to discourage her from visiting and keep it to one weekend every two months.

Commenter 5: Nta, set clear boundaries with her

You can start by her not being allowed to come over without permission and notice

Tell her that you are not the extension of her dreams, she can do the things she want in her own house, not yours

This is now YOUR life and your decisions

You may as well go low contact

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Update: June 23, 2026 (two days later)

AITAH for not letting my mom help with my new home? (UPDATE)

Last post I talked about how I felt my mom was disregarding how I want to set up my house, and trying to essentially take over. We got into a long winded fight before she left my place this most recent time, which ended with both of us upset and no resolution.

For clarity, My family was having a yard sale at my place this weekend because we all had stuff to sell and felt it would be easier to sell everything together.

While my mom was here, she took it upon herself to do some of the chores I had not gotten to yet, because it was a Thursday and I usually do all of my chores on Sundays. She found a bucket of wood stain in my garage and decided that she wanted to stain my shed floor. I told her she absolutely was not doing that, and to please just focus on the garage sale. She insisted she needed something to do and that staining the floor would be worth her time, so we fought about it, and eventually I went to rant to my dad (who was helping me knock down a wall). He suggested I give her something else to do that I wouldn't mind her doing to occupy her. So I told her she could mow the lawn if she was really that antsy, and she did. And kept pushing to do more. This was before we got into an argument.

After we argued and she left: She sent me a huge long text later saying that she felt she failed me in parenting because I am not maintaining my house with the standards she feels she instilled in me growing up, and that I should try harder to understand her and to think logically. She said that she tolerated it when I was living in apartments that weren't mine, but was disappointed I wasn't doing better in my NEW HOUSE that I just moved to. She said that if I just thought about it long enough that I would realize that she was right and we could move on. Well, that didn't happen lol. My living spaces have generally always been kept clean, but not always perfect. Sometimes my grass gets a bit long, I don't like the practice of mowing down grass because I feel it's bad for the bugs, but I do mow regularly. I responded and said that the bottom line is that if she doesn't respect my space and stop trying to manage my house for me, then I will stop allowing her over.

She called me later, after she had vented about me to one of her friends, to tell me about a revelation she had. She has gotten into fights with almost every person she cares about in her life for almost the same thing we have been fighting about. She tries to "fix" people's lives, and then demeans their living spaces in the process. You would think that after coming to this conclusion, she would think she needs to change something, right? WRONG. She told me that her friends accept the way that she is, and that I need to call her friend so that she can explain to me how MY MOTHER is and so that I can understand her better. And she suggested that if I want to avoid fights in the future and prevent her from doing stuff at my place, that I should prep for her visits and make sure everything is done. I told her that that is some seriously flawed logic and that she should get therapy. She hung up on me.

Yeah, she isn't coming to my house for a fat while.

Edit: I don't want to throw my dad under the bus. He has tried, and he has spoken to her on my behalf, which has helped a bit. She is a very strong willed woman lol.

Edit 2/update: I've given my dad a heads up. Apparently he has also fought with her and told her she needs to leave me alone. To quote "LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE". PERIOD. I really appreciated that. He said that she has done the same type of stuff with him and it's old. So that's good to know. He asked that whatever I decide to do that I please just not cut her off, and I promised I wouldn't.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1:

> I don't like the practice of mowing down grass because I feel it's bad for the bugs, but I do mow regularly.

Why? It's your lawn, if you want to make it wildlife friendly, you go for it.

Our lawn has a path mown round the edges and the middle is just left to grow and has typical meadow plants in it. It's great for wildlife - the plants are good for the bugs, the bugs are good for the plants and the birds, it attracts loads of stuff.

If you don't want a putting green, don't have one.

Oh yes, and you're NTA - as people like to say around here, your house, your rules. > > OOP: I do want to sometime establish a more meadow like lawn!! So that I can let it free grow. >> >> Commenter 1: I have no idea what the rules are where you live but as advice to a first time homeowner, make sure you know the rules of the community/HOA where you live regarding mowing and generally what the minimum requirements are. I disagree with these rules often, but it is easiest to follow them. >>> >>> OOP: I live in a shitty neighborhood, so I think I'm good lol

Commenter 2: So then, growing up, has she always been an overbearing type parent? If parents don't do a healthy amount of letting go as children mature into autonomous adults, you feel the effects of this right here in this moment. It's painful, but NTA for holding your ground. Always reaffirm to your mom that you love her. But you can stand up against bad behavior and rightfully insist on your space. Sometime apart to reflect, then you revisit some ground rules and boundaries.

> OOP: Yes lol. Always. I feel I turned out okay though. I am doing well for myself! You are right.

Commenter 3: Is she ok? She doesn’t sound ok. This sounds exhausting and so invasive. I’m glad you have your own space. > > OOP: This entire thread is making me think I need to talk to her about seeing a therapist or a psychologist. 🙃. >> >> Commenter 4: How do you honestly think that conversation will go? >> >> She knows what psychologists and psychiatrists are. She also thinks she is fine and that everyone else as a problem, especially you. >> >> Guard your peace and maintain whatever level of contact suits you. >>> >>> OOP: Well I did have that conversation, and it went about as well as you would expect. A lot of gaslighting, deflecting, "you are upsetting your father", "this has only affected you and my friends accept me", etc. I love my mom, I don't want to cut her from my life I want her to change. My parents are the only family I have. But yeah, if she doesn't try then she's not welcome in my space.

Commenter 5: Good for you for standing your ground. Keep it up. Also, enjoy the peace and quiet.

Commenter 6: NTA Your mother isn't doing this out of care. It's out of wanting control over you. Holding and enforcing boundaries, especially with family, is a healthy thing.

> And she suggested that if I want to avoid fights in the future and prevent her from doing stuff at my place, that I should prep for her visits and make sure everything is done.

Your mother is saying "Your peace is dependent upon you keeping me happy and doing what I want." That is some seriously controlling and manipulative sh*t right there.

Stand. Your. Ground. Tell her she can choose to respect you, your wishes, and your home or not have a relationship with you at all. Don't elaborate. Don't defend that statement. Say that and nothing more. Full stop.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/iliketoplaydmc

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

AIO by stepping back from my parents after finding out how they plan to leave everything to my older sister?

Trigger Warnings: >!favoritism!<

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Original Post: June 22, 2026

I’m 27F, and I have an older sister who’s 35F. Growing up, my parents were always very big on independence and responsibility. They made it clear that once we became adults, we were expected to handle our own lives

I really took that to heart. I worked through college, lived with roommates to keep my expenses down, and built everything for myself step by step without asking them for help. It wasn’t always easy, but I’m genuinely proud of where I’ve ended up. I have a stable career now, I’m in a good relationship, and for the first time in a long time, my life feels steady

My sister’s path has been very different. She’s never really been able to get fully settled. She has tried a few different jobs over the years, but nothing has really stuck. There always seems to be some new issue, some reason it doesn’t work out. My parents have stepped in over and over again, helping her with rent, paying bills when she gets behind, and giving her money to help her make it through the month

For a long time, I told myself it wasn’t worth keeping score. I figured maybe that was just how families were supposed to work, helping the person who needed it more. But a few days ago, when we all got together this summer, they brought up something that really threw me off

My parents asked to speak to both of us about their future plans. They’re getting older, and their health hasn’t been great, so they’ve started putting things in order legally. During that conversation, they told us that most of what they have, including the house and their savings, will go to my sister. Their reasoning was that she won’t be able to manage on her own without that support

Then, almost immediately after saying that, they told me they want me to be the one handling everything else. Medical decisions, finances, paperwork, basically making sure everything is taken care of if something happens to them.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt that kind of quiet resentment before. It wasn’t even really about the money. It was the feeling that I’ve spent my whole adult life proving I can stand on my own, and somehow that has turned into me being expected to carry everyone else too

I tried to explain how hurtful that felt, but they kept telling me I should be more understanding

Since then, something in me has shifted. I don’t call as often. I don’t jump in to help the way I used to. When my dad asked me to come over and help sort through some documents last week, I told him I couldn’t and that maybe my sister should start taking on some of that responsibility. That didn’t go over well.

My sister called me afterward, sounding uncomfortable and apologizing even though none of this is really her fault. I told her I wasn’t angry at her, I was hurt by the way our parents are treating us differently. Now everything feels tense. Every interaction feels careful and strained

I feel guilty abandoning them but Its unfair I take all the responsibility while my sister gets all the support AIO?

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this original post

Top Comments

(editor's note: NOR = not overreacting)

Commenter 1: NOR If they are leaving everything to her then she (editor's note: sister) needs to step up and do the hard part because trust me when I say trying to take care of aging parents is hard

Commenter 2: They will give everything to older sis who will piss it away and still expect little sister to help her out of the mess. Everything should go into a trust and OP should be the responsible party.

Commenter 3: Decline to be POA, being designated as medical durable power of attorney etc. if the still name you as executor of their will you do not have to accept. Say no.

Maybe they need to sit down with lawyer and a financial advisor and set up a legal trust for sister so you don’t need to be involved at all.

You have every right to feel like you do.

Commenter 4: NOR

Op, they’re telling you that you should do all the work, and then let your sister take all the money and property.

And that’s won’t be the end of it, I bet you’ll have to help your sister once she blows through the money and can’t afford the house .

Op, I would go no contact, if the sister is getting the bulk of the inheritance then she needs to do the work , and step up.

I think it’s imperative that you take a large step back , your parents created a monster not really capable of surviving on her own and they’re setting you up to be her ‘parent’ once they’re gone.

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Update: June 23, 2026 (next day)

UPDATE: AIO by stepping back from my parents after finding out how they plan to leave everything to my older sister?

So after reading through all the advice and messages, I realized the sooner I stepped back from this situation, the better it would be for me

I called my parents today and tried to explain how I felt. Part of me still hoped they might understand, even though I knew they probably wouldn’t. I gave specific examples, how I’ve supported myself since college and never asked them for financial help, while they’ve consistently stepped in for my sister when she struggled

I brought up the estate conversation too. It hurt to hear that most of what they have will go to her because she “needs it more” while I’m expected to take on all the responsibility, medical decisions, finances, paperwork when things get difficult. It made me feel like my role in the family is based on what I can handle, not how I’m valued as their child

They didn’t really let me finish. They kept interrupting and repeating that I’m “independent” and “capable” and that my sister isn’t, so this is just how it has to be. When I said it still felt unfair, they got defensive and told me not to expect anything from them. At one point, they even said that if I truly cared, I should be helping more with my mom’s care. That was the point where something clicked for me. Being capable doesn’t mean I don’t have limits, and it doesn’t mean I should carry everything. I told them I couldn’t accept a situation where I’m excluded from support but expected to take on all the responsibility

I said they should completely remove me from their will and any roles like executor or medical power of attorney. I don’t want anything from them, financially or otherwise. I also told them they should plan accordingly, whether that means hiring help or making other arrangements, because I’m no longer willing to take that on

The call ended badly. There was a lot of yelling and crying, and I eventually hung up. But afterward, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a while, relief. Like a weight I didn’t even fully realize I was carrying is finally gone

I have a good life. I have a supportive partner, a stable home, and I’m preparing to start my PhD. We’re even talking about starting a family. For the first time, I feel like I can focus on my own future without this constant sense of obligation hanging over me. I don’t know what happens next with my parents, and I’m sure things will stay tense for a while. But for now, I feel at peace with the boundary I set

TLDR: I stepped away from the responsibility they expected me to carry and chose to prioritize my own life.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in the update

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Editor’s note: marking this concluded as OOP has deleted their account soon after the update

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/GlitteringRainbowCat

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

AITA for bringing Tupperware to a restaurant

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Original Post: June 18, 2026

Hey there,

I think, I need a few strangers from the internet to decide what's going on here.

So, a few weeks ago I (f) went to a burger place with a girl friend of mine. I know they serve quite big burgers and in the past, I always had leftovers. So I decided to bring a Tupperware this time, just in case. I ordered my burger, added some wedges and enjoyed my meal while having a super nice conversation. I ate maybe a third of the wedges and not even half of the burger and decided to stop, because I also wanted some dessert.

After ordering, I pulled out my box and started to fill it with my leftovers. You know, I felt quite clever: I didn't overeat and there was still space for dessert in my belly; I didn't had to pay a buck or so for the doggy bag, which had leaked in my bag in the past and there would be enough for next day’s lunch. So a triple win, if you will.

After everything was packed and I put the box in my bag, I realized, my friend was kind of quiet, but didn't thought much about it. She tends to be quiet after eating.

After we were done, everyone paid for their own meal and we left. Then she looked at me and was like "oh my gosh, this was sooo embarrassing." I was confused. She explained to me, how awkward she felt, and people were staring and what not and was kind of mad. I explained my point of view the benefits and all, but nope.

In the end I was like "Please calm down, it's not like I took the box to an All you can eat-buffet and stuff it full in front of the waiters. We also didn't split the bill, so it's fine I ordered more with tomorrow in mind."

She still was mad. So we went our separate ways.

But here's the thing: I still think it's a good, environment friendly way and did it again while eating with a guy friend a few days ago, he was like" Woah, that's neat! " and even gave me some of his onion rings.

So, dear strangers of the internet, AITA or not? Should I have communicated before pulling out my box? Should I have asked the waiter (which hadn't said anything at all) or should I just buy the leftover box from the restaurant next time? I absolutely don't know. Please share your thoughts with me.

Ah, what also comes to my mind: I'm quite overweight and struggle with BED, so I was happy to not overeat. My friend has normal weight and has no ED as far as I know.

Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you for all your replies so far. I'll answer a few things here:

1. Where are you from? Central Europe (this thread is huge, so that should be specific enough).

2. Here it's super common to pay for one use items (for example boxes in restaurants and plastic bags).

3. It was not a date. Maybe the term "female friend" would have been better. But yeah, it was just a girls dinner.

4. I can be a little eccentric from time to time and all my friends now that. But she and I weren't out for lunch/dinner often.

5. In general she's a very nice and pleasant person to be around and we have a good time together. I'm pretty sure, there was some kind of trigger.

I will contact her tomorrow and try to talk to her. So there might be an update coming

Verdict: Not the Asshole

Relevant / Top Comments

Downvoted Commenter: Soft YTA for optics. Nothing wrong with taking leftovers, but pulling out your own Tupperware in a sit-down restaurant can come across as awkward and not really in line with normal restaurant etiquette.

> OOP: Oh, I see. The place itself is quite rustic, so that didn't came to my mind at all 🤔

Commenter 1: Unless your container was gross, unclean, overused, or beat up looking, I can't think of anything about this situation that screams embarrassing.

INFO: "...We also didn't split the bill, so it's fine I ordered more with tomorrow in mind."

What was this about? > > Commenter 2: Just in case people assumed OP over-ordered with the intent for her friend to subsidize OP’s meal. Like people who order an extra meal to go but add it to a group bill to split. > > OP, definitely NTA. You’re being practical and looking after your health in the process. > > > > OOP: Yes, exactly. That's what I meant. I read so many stories where group members order the most expensive item, while some others just have a drink and small fries. And then the first mentioned are like "Let's split evenly!" Nope. You can pay for your steak the size of small table for yourself

Commenter 3: NTA. As a chef and restaurant owner, I applaud this sort of thinking and wish more people would consider it for casual dining. There are no to go boxes that are really quality (all too expensive to use) so this is a great fix for everyone.

Your friend has their own insecurities that have nothing to do with you.

Commenter 4: NTA. I’d be a bit thrown off if someone I was with pulled out their own container as that’s not normal, but to be perfectly honest the second I read that I just thought “why didn’t I think of ever doing that first?”. Less single use garbage so it’s better for the environment, and if you already know you’ll have leftovers for sure then why not. Maybe it SHOULD be the normal.

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Update: June 22, 2026 (four days later)

UPDATE AITA for bringing Tupperware to a restaurant

Hey there,

first I wanna thank you for all the responses in my original post. I really appreciate it.

For the update: The day after my original post, I reached out to my friend and asked, if she has time the next few days. We meet today for a nice long stroll in the park. The beginning was kind of awkward, because we never had a fight before. Normally it's also not a problem, when life is busy and we don't write for a few days or even weeks but today it somehow feels strange. I'm not a fan of beating around the bush, so I simply asked her "So, in that burger place... What exactly triggered you?"

Honestly, it was like poking a water balloon. She apologized for everything and how afraid she was I might be still mad at her and apologized some more. Then she explained to me, what her trigger was. What can I say, we all were kind of wrong.

You guys, it's her aunt! She has an aunt, who will always bring a few boxes for family gatherings. But instead of waiting until everyone is done and the food is BACK in the kitchen, which is fine, she sometimes fills the boxes BEFORE it goes to the table. Because my friends grandma knows of this behavior, she started to cook even more, but the aunt just brought more boxes as well. But that's not all! Said aunt will also bring boxes to restaurants and if they order different meals, so everyone can have a try from all the plates, she's like "No one wants that anymore, right?", and packs, while people are still eating. My friend is a slow eater, so often her aunt filled her boxes, before she could try everything she wanted.

I always wanted to use the word flabbergasted in a post. I think this is the right time. I was definitely flabbergasted! How impudent can a person be?!

I asked, why no one is saying anything about it, but they are all just too tired to deal with her outbreaks. It's easier to say nothing. I felt that....

So yeah, she knew it was my food and everything, but it also triggered her real bad.

I apologized as well for not warning her, but she said it was totally her fault. I said, I will make sure the next time, but she was like "Nono, it's a nice way to work on it."

Well, in the end we had a really nice stroll, talked about different things and everything is good. I'm really glad that we cleared that out though.

Thank you for reading this. Have a great day and a nice week.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: My God her aunt sounds like absolute trash. I would have banned her from bringing it, and if she brought it again, thrown it out

> OOP: Right?! How absolutely disrespectful towards anybody else. But I don't know her personally, so I don't know how hefty those outbreaks are. Some people can going feral

Commenter 2: Why does the aunt keep getting invited to dinner?

> OOP: Oh, I asked that too, but forgot to write it down. It's that typical "We are family. Granny wants everybody to have a good time together" - thing. I kind of understand that. When my grandparents were still around, I also endured family gatherings (even though some members made me highly uncomfortable) because it was important to them. Uncomfortable, because our world views differ and I'm still not in my aluminum hat-era, not in a creepy/touchy way.

Commenter 3: I'm glad that the two of you could talk. Always great to see two people working things out like adults.

Commenter 4: I'm glad you get this resolved. It also reaffirms my opinion that most of the posts in this thread can be solved through real conversation with the person they are in conflict with.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Sol_KnightXD

Originally posted to r/AmIOverreacting

Previous BoRUs: #1

[Final New Update]: AIO, when I refused to look at my dad after what he told us?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, neglect, possible abusive behavior!<

---

RECAP

Original Post: December 30, 2025

Hi Reddit, this is my first time posting in this community, so please bear with me. I am 17, and my older sister (21) is in a very messy family. I don't know what to do now that everything is messier, and I've been thinking about it too much. To start, my sister and I grew up knowing our parents fought often; our dad isn't the greatest. When I was around 4, and my sister was 8, our dad cheated on our mom. And around 2021, our dad cheated again. My sister was the first to find out when she saw a text on his phone.

Now, to the main point: it's been a while since anything messy happened. There are still some hiccups in our family, like our dad trying to fight us, but that was it. I thought everything would be just that, but yesterday, my sister and I were hanging out in her room, and we were having a good time. Our dad came into her room and said that he needed to tell us something.

He told us that we have a little sister, not from our mom. The kid was from another woman. At that moment, I didn't know what to do; I was starting to cry because he proceeded to tell us that the kid was 3 years old. 3 GODDAMN YEARS OLD. For 3 years, I thought everything would stop there; for 3 years, I thought everything would just be me, my sister, and my mom trying to get over him and his mistakes. He told us that we shouldn't tell Mom yet, that he needed to be the one to tell her.

Yesterday was also our grandma's birthday, our dad brought the kid along and told us to bond with her. My sister told me that she couldn't even fathom trying to bond with the kid because it was just so sudden, and that she can't do it. We were forced to take family photos with everyone and the kid, I couldn't even smile so happily because it was all too much to take in. I've cried over and over again, I've been thinking about how our other family members would see us when they already belittle my sister and me too much for having separated parents.

Our dad tried to take photos with me, my older sister, him, and the kid. I genuinely didn't want to be there. I didn't want to be in the picture. I tried pulling away, but he just gripped my arm and forced me to be in that picture. It felt so wrong to be standing there with this kid I barely know.

It feels wrong to see my dad be so caring towards this kid, to treat her so nicely when he didn't treat us like that when my sister and I were growing up. He called us names, cursed at us, and hurt us while he treated this kid like she had been there since the beginning. I can't bond with her, I don't want to, because it feels like I'm betraying myself and my mom. Our dad owes us a lot; he lacked being a father, he lacked being a husband, he had the chance to make it up to us, but it just feels like all his mistakes were falling on us.

I've been thinking whether I should have tried to at least talk with the kid, but I couldn't look at her, I can't even look at my dad. I've been thinking if I can even call my dad "dad" anymore.

I don't know what to do anymore or how I should feel; it's eating at my conscience. So please tell me, AIO?

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: You need to tell your mom.

> OOP: I want to, but I don't know what the outcome will be. We still live with our dad, and I don't know what he might do not only to me, but my older sister as well.

Commenter 2: Your feelings are ABSOLUTELY VALID! You don’t owe anyone a relationship just because a parent says so. Your father is looking for a way to get passed looking like the deadbeat dad he is and monster.

I’m so sorry you’re going through so much at 17. You can’t make someone change to what you want, but only you can change how you react to it.

Commenter 3: I'm so sorry for the hurt your dad and his actions have caused. I hope at some point you're able to express your feelings to him as adults. Perhaps seek counseling and ask that he come with you.

I feel bad for his "new" child that didn't ask to be brought into this nor has done anything to anyone. Best wishes for peace for you and your family.

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Update #1: May 28, 2026 (nearly five months later)

UPDATE: They knew

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I interacted with this sub. For context, you can read my last post here.

Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1pzdya9/aio_when_i_refused_to_look_at_my_dad_after_what/

To summarize what happened last time, on December 29, my dad revealed to my sister and me that he had a kid outside of our family before we left to celebrate our grandmother's birthday. The kid was brought along so my sister and I could "bond" with her.

Now, to this update, a few months back, maybe around January or February, I overheard my dad talking to his kid on a call. He asked if she liked the toys she got, and that it was from our cousins. Our family knows about this kid; they knew, and they gave her old toys and clothes from their now-grown kids. This made me feel even more frustrated than ever. Not only is he telling this child to call my sister and me "big sisters" when we don't want to, but our family on our father's side knew about her.

And today, while I was washing the dishes, I heard him talking to his kid, and he was talking to his mistress. He was still in contact with his woman through the kid.

I admit that this sounds like I have so much grudge against him, and that makes me sound like I'm making him look like a monster, but he's still a man who failed my mom, my sister, and me. My sister and I tried hinting to our mom about the kid, asking her questions about how she'll feel if she finds out that dad has a kid other than us. All she said was that she's long over him, that if he does have one, then it's not her business anymore.

I'm still mad, I have incomprehensible feelings, I want out. But for now, this is my update until he actually tells our mom about his kid himself.

Edit 1: I apologize for making it sound like I'm mad at the child; no, I am not; it's just that I do not understand how to feel about her. I still can't accept that I have a sister outside of our family, but this is the reality I have to live in.

Edit 2: I'm sorry for all the comments telling that I should tell her, this is pressuring me to tell her even more. Those are fine, but blatantly attacking me isn't helping, "I see who you take after", "way to prioritize yourself over your mom", that isn't fine, I'm still 17, I'm still a minor, I'm constantly under a lot of pressure, if you do not want to understand or read the last post, then please, don't attack me. I'm sorry.

Relevant Comments

Downvoted Commenter: YOR - it’s his life. It happened, there’s a kid here. He has to coparent. You need to get over it.

> OOP: He can coparent all he wants, but using "it's his life" makes it sound like this is fine; no, it isn't. It's hard to get over it like my mom because I looked up to him, I gave him so much hope before he told us he had a kid outside of our family, I BELIEVED I was healing, then he dropped that bomb on us. The amount of hurt he gave is hard to accept every single day.

OOP responds to a downvoted commenter about her father failing her mother, him being in contact with the child's mother, OOP's resentment toward her father

> OOP: It is also OUR issue, I grew up thinking he's the greatest man alive, that idea shattered the minute he hit me on the head and yelled at me that I was a "demon child" when I was acting like A child back then. It's not resentment; I simply cannot accept the fact that I have a sister outside of our family. I will come to terms with it someday, but not right now. > > There are so many things happening in my family that I specifically did not talk about. He wonders why we don't talk to him properly, and he wonders why we lost respect for him. Our mom works herself to near death, forgave him once, and he still cheated on her. He will stay in contact with his other family because that's his responsibility, but once my sister and I grew up, he never cared for us anymore as he did with his family. Now that's why it hurts so much that I'm furious. He made a mistake to our mom, and made a mistake to US. Our mom doesn't care, but my sister and I DO, because we're still hurting.

Commenter 1: NOR, a sibling he hid from you but told the rest of the family sucks. But I’m confused, are your parents still together? He sounds like he was an abusive father to you and your sister, if your parents are no longer together, have you thought about staying with mom and cutting your dad off or going LC?

> OOP: they aren't together anymore, we used to live together with just our mom, but we had to move out of the apartment because of the renting cost and tuition fee. She lives somewhere else with low rent because her work is far, we can't move with her because our university is in a different city.

Commenter 2: NOR you are choosing your father over your mother by not telling her about his kid. TELL YOUR MOTHER!!! She deserves to know!!!!! > > OOP (downvoted): I want to tell her so bad, but now is not the moment. I'm graduating my senior year of high school, I will tell mom, but not now. >> >> Commenter 3: Do you think she'll be grateful that you waited? You don't think she'll feel even more betrayed as you do realizing people knew and didn't think you deserved the truth >>> >>> OOP: There are things that I've told her so late that she will ask why it took so long to tell her; she never once criticized or hated us for that. The one who should've told her shouldn't be me nor my sister, it should have been our dad when he found out. My dad's family never told us because we're viewed as "poor kids without anyone to rely on." She will be upset, she will get mad, but the last thing she'll do is condemn us. This whole comments thing is encouraging me to tell her as soon as she gets home or when she's not exhausted. I'm sorry.

Commenter 4: NOR just a question how long have they (editor's note: OOP's parents) been separated?

> OOP: Since 2021, but not legally divorced

Commenter 5: NOR in the least here. These feelings you are having are absolutely normal! I would feel the same way. It's not the kid, it's not your dad, it's the disrespect he did to your mom that you are angry at. You will probably not be able to "get over this" but you can choose to make a bad situation at the very minimum tolerable. Your mom's response tells all, she knows. Deep down she knows. So, what do you do?

In my personal opinion I would make the most of the situation and try to just accept what is. You can't change it, you can't "punish" your dad for what he did. He is obviously trying to be there for this poor kid who knows he is her dad. Most guys would just dump the girl and kid and let them grow up not knowing who their Father was. Imagine putting yourself into her shoes, how she feels, how confusing this must be.

If you learn to try and forgive, not only will you help this girl cope with your Dad's actions, you will also keep yourself from overthinking/overreacting and stressing yourself out. It won't be easy, and it shouldn't be. His actions are despicable. You can subtly let him know how bad his actions are but at the same time keep the peace and the family dynamics together.

> OOP: It's her dad, he can be the better dad than what he should've been. It's hard to forgive when things just don't go the way you hoped it to be, I don't forgive him yet, I'm tolerating him until I'm out of this mess. And you're right, I'm mad at what he did to my mom, I still am. The kid doesn't deserve to be in this mess like me and my sister. It's hard to view this man as my dad. My feelings are just scrambled. Thank you for understanding, it helped ease something in my heart.

Commenter 6: So your father's family has a relationship with your father's kid, and your father has a co-parenting relationship with his child's mother?

I mean, be as mad as you like but get used to it, because this is called normal. Your mother doesn't care, so why should you? YOR.

> OOP: From where I live, cheating is such a common thing that it's called "normal." I get your point. But the mental toll it gives to someone isn't, I lived blissfully thinking that my dad was the greatest out there, I care because he was the man I looked up to, and now he's just not the same. He blames us for what he lacks.

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FINAL FINAL UPDATE: We told our mom and she's taking legal action: May 30, 2026 (two days later)

Hello everyone! I'm the guy that some Redditors believe I am siding with my cheating dad. To catch up, you can read these posts about what the situation is like.

First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1pzdya9/aio_when_i_refused_to_look_at_my_dad_after_what/

Second post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1tq1ytx/update_they_knew/

Okay, to start, I want to thank the people who tried to understand and the people who have told me to tell our mom, it encouraged me enough to talk to my sister about it. To those who are attacking me and claiming I am siding with my dad and betraying my mom. No, I am not siding with the man who made our lives worse, and no, my mother did not think she was betrayed.

The other morning, I felt this heavy feeling in my chest, and I had to talk to my sister about it. I told her that I can no longer hold in the pressure crushing my chest and that I wanted to tell Mom so badly about the child. Someone in the comments of my last post pointed out that 6 months was too long, and they were right. Those 6 months have been difficult, and not telling my mom has been eating at my conscience. My sister told me to call her, and we can tell her together.

We called our mom and told her the situation and how it made us feel. We told her that it's been hard to tell her because she was so stressed from work that she gets sick often because of it, and that we didn't want to burden her even more. She told us that she had expected this long ago, when things started falling apart. That whatever is bothering us will never burden her. She said that our dad has a life now that doesn't involve us, so he shouldn't be in ours. She didn't condemn us, just told us that we're wasting tears on a man that doesn't care anymore, that we should focus on our studies and graduating, that our dad, his kid, and his mistress will never stop us from doing better in life, that he's just another curb that we'll pass. She told us to wipe our tears away and be brave for her and ourselves.

After the call, it made me realize that I was still trying to forgive him and give him hope, that I was wasting my forgiveness on someone who will never treat us like he treats his new child. She's my sister, regardless of what I do, but our mom told us that we just have to accept it, but it's our choice if we do or do not want a bond with the child.

Today, we're staying with our mom in her apartment that's far from our dad, she talked to us about what will happen. She is now in contact with an attorney and will be talking to our father about the properties and legal separation. She told us that she wants to liquidate the properties so me and my sister will have financial backing, so what she owns will not be given to our dad's illegitimate child, that what's hers are ours and ours alone.

Our mom is working hard with the attorney to settle everything. Our mom made it clear to my sister and I that if our father cared about us, he wouldn't be like this. But the harsh reality is even in the beginning of their marriage, he refused to settle to what he already had. They will be separating, and that is for the better. Me, my sister, and my mom deserve to be free from his problems and his family who belittled us. Once this is over, we won't be interacting with our father's side of the family and possibly him. They've made a fool of us, and we're over it. Tomorrow will be a new day, and it will be a fun swimming trip.

Before I end this, I just want to say that if someone you know or you are going through this, just know that it will get better, you can take your time, and you can speak up once you're ready. You don't need to force it out if you have fears, as I did; just know that when things feel secure, and you finally have enough courage to speak up. Do it. We all move at our own pace of recovering and moving on; no one can tell you when to react because maybe a problem hurt you so much that you refuse to speak up until you know you're safe. There's nothing wrong with prioritizing yourself, especially if you're still young like me. You don't need to grow up fast or grow a spine; make sure you're safe, always.

It's been hard, but things will get better. This is my final update at the moment. Thank you for reading.

Concluding Comment

OOP on if she and her sister can go live with their mother

> OOP: We're trying to look for a new place to move into, the only issue at the moment is that we can't find an apartment due to how busy she is with her very physically taxing work. We will move but we wouldn't know when.

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#----NEW UPDATE----

FINAL UPDATE: We're starting new without him: June 22, 2026 (3.5 weeks later from the previous update)

Hello everyone, this might be my very final update. For starters, I want to point out that someone reposted my story in BORU, and I saw many people talking about my gender and whether this story is fake because of the slip ups. No, this is a real thing going on at the very moment. As for the gender part, I use the term 'guy' as a gender-neutral thing, I am actually trans masc but I haven't come out to any of my parents and only my sister knows, I don't really make a big deal out of being misgendered. I used "big sisters" because in my language, our dad said "mga ate", that's a big hint for where I'm from.

Now to the whole thing, if you want to catch up, please read the last posts as I won't be summarizing it again due to people not reading it and attacking me because they only read the comments.

First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1pzdya9/aio_when_i_refused_to_look_at_my_dad_after_what/

Second post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmIOverreacting/comments/1tq1ytx/update_they_knew/

Third post: https://www.reddit.com/u/Sol_KnightXD/s/XgZptN2mcJ

It's been a while but here it goes. To start, our dad has been kicked out of our house and no longer lives with us anymore, he has attempted send texts to me and my sister, asking for forgiveness and showing self-pity by saying "I shouldn't have done that", he's done this before and we aren't falling for it. We also cut contact with our relatives on our father's side and left all of their group chats in order for us to move on.

There has been so much things that got uncovered so here's a list. Everyone was right about our dad being borderline abusive, our uncle(dad's brother) refused to give the photos with the child and us to our mom, our dad has brought his child and mistress to OUR home when we were living in an apartment (we only knew because her mistress used a profile picture of herself with the inside of our house in the background), me and my sister once saw a kids toy that isn't one of our old ones in my bedroom when we stayed over, our dad LIED and cried to the attorney about our mom abandoning us and "selling the house" even though she didn't say anything about it nor abandoning us, he sold his van and the money from it didn't go to my sister and I's education, he tried making our mom sign a paper so that the other van (that was on our mom's name) can be his fully, he was gone the day before my birthday because he was visiting his newborn kid, our dad's mistress tried contacting me (now being used as evidence against dad because we got the mistress' and child's name), and finally, our mom hired a private investigator.

To clear things up about our mom abandoning us as well, that is simply not true, she works a physically demanding job and her work location currently is really far from where we're living, she's living near where she works because it's easier to travel when she's exhausted, but she comes home to us when she can, she's now looking for a new job so she can be with us all the time. She also admitted being worried the whole day after we called her crying about the truth, she said that she couldn't focus on work and that was the reason why she asked us to go on a trip with her.

For the private investigator, our mom hired one because she heard from our dad's relative that he's been allegedly paying for a house for his child and mistress. Our mom is now pushing for annulment instead of legal separation, financial support, and adultery.

Everything has been feeling heavy but at the very moment, I feel happier, free, and safer. Same goes for my sister. I have cut contact from him and ignore his pity texts, I also finally graduated my senior year of high-school and finally heading to my first year of college!

We're only waiting for the trial, that was assured to be a win for me and my family due to the evidence against to our dad. Until then, this is the ending I can bring! Thank you for following this journey with me.

Editor’s note: OOP did not leave any comments here in the latest update

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/GentleGlowingSoul

Originally posted to r/aitaweddings

AITA for saying no when my SIL asked for my husband’s nieces and nephews to put on a performance at our wedding?

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!verbal abuse, manipulation!<

---

Original Post: March 18, 2026

My husband and I are having our ceremony later in the year. My SIL has asked my husband if his nieces and nephews can put on a performance at our wedding. I personally feel like with the way our wedding is planned, having them do some type of performance just doesn’t fit in at any point. It’s not a traditional wedding, and we have changed a lot about the way the ceremony will be performed.

Another point is that these are all children. They are all under 10 years old. I feel like this will come across as more talent show-y, and I just can’t see it happening in any way that’s fitting for a wedding. I was also shocked that she’d ask for something like that. She’s never asked about our wedding plans. My husband asked for my thoughts privately, and I immediately said no.

I expressed that due to his family’s history with him, I would not be accommodating to them, probably ever. They have a history of taking advantage of my husband’s kindness. Especially when it comes to his nieces and nephews. I’ve been very clear about my boundaries from the beginning. He understands and respects it. He also began drawing his own boundaries and I’m so proud of him for that. I’m admittedly very guarded, but my immediate gut feeling was that she was asking this for selfish reasons. I’m not sure why but this request doesn’t sit right with me, especially with her lack of interest in our entire wedding.

My husband sees it differently. He thinks it was an innocent request. I’m seeing the overall picture, but he’s just considering the request, so it may seem innocent. I would’ve been fine with it if my husband wanted it or even the kids.

I’ve asked my best friend, 2 cousins and my cousin’s gf. They all said it was a weird request. However, they might be biased.

I just need some outside perspective. AITA for saying no?

Edit for further context: I tried not to include too many details, as the people involved use Reddit, but fuck it.

She asked for them to perform a dance. They aren’t dancers. I asked my husband if they could and he said they’re like a 4 out of 10. This furthered my bewilderment.

I don’t dictate his boundaries, I just make mine clear.

My in-laws are…complicated. I’ve watched them use and take my husband for granted for years. I’ll start with his parents. They’re racist. They had a terrible reaction when he showed them my photo. They’ve also used him to support the entire household while allowing his brother to be verbally abusive towards him. He’s cut that off and doesn’t interact with his brother who is also racist.

His sister (the one who asked) used him as an on call babysitter for years. My husband would work his 9 to 5 M to F only for his sister to drop her kids off on a Friday night and expect him to babysit until whenever. I listened to him vent about this until I sat him down and explained he was allowing it. He’s since cut that out completely and only helps his mom with the kids now and then. She also knowingly made terrible choices in who she procreated with, so she has no help from the father. That is an entire story on its own.

My husband has been very open about wanting to cut down contact with his family and not have them too involved in our lives once we close on our home. I would never dictate how he should interact with them. We’ve both been clear about managing our own families, and he’s been very, very open about not tolerating their bs. It’s a huge shift from what they’re accustomed to, and it’s been almost 2 years since he made that change.

20/03/26 Edit (Also for typos): A couple of the YTA voters have taken to DMs to message me hateful, vile things. To those people, seek help. Therapy works wonders.

My husband and I plan to update when we can as he is also perplexed by this request and does not want this at all. He’s going to talk to her and let her know he doesn’t want it. He’s never wanted it and he was just as baffled by this as I was.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Are you doing a family brunch the day after? Offer to have them do it then, just not part of the wedding.

> OOP: We are doing a family get together after! I did say I wouldn’t mind it then, but he hasn’t mentioned it to her.

Commenter 2: Is there a compromise? Could they perform at the rehearsal dinner? Or some other pre-event? During the cocktail hour when you are focused on photos?

> OOP: I did tell my husband that they could do it at the family brunch the day after. I thought that was a good compromise, but he is almost certain that the kids have no interest in any of this. I adore them and I would absolutely be on board if they wanted to do it the day after.

Commenter 3: I'd strongly recommend couples counseling to "cement" those boundaries, especially your soon-to-be husband's since he's been known to "fold" when it comes to his family, it's REALLY tough to break those realities.

In regards to your SIL's wild and obnoxious request? It sounds like she wants to be center of attention because she'll certainly be "the director" of this potential shitshow. Are you having a "child-free" wedding? This could also be an end-run around the child-free rule. I (62/F) would urge you to simply tell her you DON'T need or want ANY "entertainment," just the simple event you and your fiancé have already planned. Word of caution though, hire security and tell your DJ or band NOT to give her OR the kids "the stage!"

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials AND the new home! Make sure you install a good security system with LOTS of cameras. Families like the ones your describing your in-laws to be RARELY accept negative (to them) boundaries, even LESS when you attempt low or no contact. Good luck!

> OOP: We are currently in couples counselling. He doesn’t fold, just says “ok” and ignores them and does whatever he wants. They’ve tried forcing it, but it doesn’t work since he literally won’t allow them to disrupt whatever he wants to do. > > We aren’t having a child free wedding, but we have organised looooots of stuff to keep the kids occupied and entertained. Thank you! We do not tell them anything about our decisions or how we work as a couple. They have very little insight into our relationship based on their own reactions to me being mixed race and how they’ve treated my husband. I am curious to see how they react to very, very, very low contact.

OOP responds to a comment on going no contact with her in-laws

> OOP: Thank you for your kind words. I’d like to go no contact, but his mom had a heart attack, so he checks on her. Currently, my mom is undergoing chemo and radiation for a rare form of cancer, but we can’t even confide in them. They’re just not people I can ever trust.

Commenter 4: NTA. It’s on for people to ask things. And it’s on to say no. It’s how they accept your “no” that will be telling. Personally, I feel like this is the SIL attempt to 1) entertain the kids during the wedding and/or 2) shift the spot her kids (is she one of those moms??) If it’s the former, she should accept your “no” graciously.

> OOP: We have organised a lot of stuff to keep the kids entertained during the wedding. If she had asked, we would’ve shared our plans. There was no interest on her part though. She does like the make her kids a spectacle sometimes and I think it’s very tacky. I love her kids, they’re very sweet but ultimately she does use them to try and manipulate people, unfortunately.

Commenter 5: Has anyone even asked the kids if they want to dance? Many that age would freeze and be miserable (if not flat out humiliated)

> OOP: The kids have never shown any interest in dancing like this. The youngest is a Velcro toddler who cries if she isn’t with her mom or dad, one nephew is autistic and is very shy so he wouldn’t do well with the spotlight on him. It just seems like a recipe for disaster.

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Update: June 21, 2026 (three months later)

Update: AITA for saying no when my SIL asked for my husband’s nieces and nephews to put on a performance at our wedding?

A few people have since asked for me to update. Here are the final developments. I did show this post to my husband. I’ll be calling the problematic sister PS.

My husband (we are legally married but decided on having our ceremony and reception later in the year due to my mom undergoing chemo and radiation therapy for a rare type of cancer) sat down with his nieces and nephews and asked them directly if they were interested in in doing a dance. They all said no. The oldest one actually said “that would be so cringe” 😬. He asked if any of them had asked to do a dance or any type of performance at the wedding, they all said no again.

Knowing this, my husband felt comfortable saying no as the kids didn’t even want this. He broached the topic with PS in the car so it could be discussed privately. He said “hey, about the dance, I’ve decided on no”. PS started raising her voice asking him why. He said he just didn’t want it. She flipped out and started shouting at him. She accused him of not loving her or her kids anymore. He asked her why would she think that. She said because he won’t babysit for her and it’s hindering her life. My husband just asked if PS didn’t think that it was hindering our lives having to be her on call babysitter and that he had no part in making her kids.

PS screamed at him that he was selfish for not allowing them to do a dance and that not everything is about us. Not everything is about us ON OUR WEDDING DAY?? She also accused him of “playing favourites” with regards to me and her kids. She has obviously lost the fucking plot. He told PS that he knew the kids didn’t even want to do anything like that. That this was all about her and her need for attention. He also asked her how he could be playing favourites because I’m literally his wife. She was full on screaming, frothing at the mouth raging at him about how he was ruining her life, that he was selfish and a terrible uncle. He just told her to pull over, and he got out of the car.

He took an Uber back to his cousin’s house and ended up telling his parents what happened with PS. His parents instantly started “reasoning” with him to make peace with his sister because “she’s just like that”. He just said no and he walked away from them. When he told me what happened, I was stunned because wtaf is she on? I adore his nieces and nephews, but his sister is fucking unhinged. She blocked me on WhatsApp, like I even care. She also deleted his contact, but didn’t block him so he wouldn’t see her profile picture or statuses. She then made sure he overheard her saying this to a cousin. This woman is 40YO. It’s so embarrassing. My husband at that point fully saw the situation from my perspective. This was never an innocent ask.

She eventually calmed down, unblocked us and tried to start communicating with us again. We were grey rocking her. Our wedding day came and it was perfect. His other sister was sooo happy for us and she complimented everything. She was very impressed with how well done and well thought out our wedding was. She thanked me for getting toys, books and having an activity area for all the kids. She said she knew it was a woman’s touch. That was a really nice moment. PS was extremely reserved most of the day. She did not speak to us at all, but she proceeded to wail like a banshee during the ceremony. She even went to the washroom in the middle of it because she was so overwhelmed by her emotions. We literally did not pay her any mind. We couldn’t see anything else but each other in that moment.

The kids were very happy. They danced with everyone else and no one else paid any mind to PS either. His parents seemed very happy for us and his father spoke to me privately and said he knows I make his son happy, and that’s all he wants. His mother was also reserved, but she was exceedingly happy to go show off pictures because our wedding lived up to her standards I guess. We are going to be grey rocking PS without sacrificing the nieces and nephews. We really do love them and care for them.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: The ILs sound like they could also do with a bit of grey rocking since they so easily sided with PS. I'm glad it went well.

> OOP: We are also grey rocking them. He checks in with his mom mostly because she had a health scare earlier this year. Although, she lost some sympathy when she asked him how much money he spent on my engagement ring. 🫩.

OOP on her SIL (problematic sister):

> OOP: Basically, she was the side piece for the father of her kids. She concocted this whole idea that if she got pregnant, he would leave his partner. He told her to abort, she didn’t. Sis #2 got pregnant and although PS had the first grandchild, she was jealous of the attention Sis #2 got. She decided to double and triple down and get pregnant a few more times to retain the attention as well as to try to lock down the father. Every single time he told her to abort. He told her she was a convenient hole (essentially) for him. She just was on the highest level of denial I’ve ever heard of. She kept thinking that he would come around. > > Now she’s got kids for a deadbeat who couldn’t care less about their wellbeing. He does not see them, and he does not pay CS (editor’s note: child support). The lights are on, but no one is home!! 😩

Commenter 2: Obviously the SIL wanted someone/anyone to give her attention when she went to the bathroom!

> OOP: My MIL followed her out, so she got whatever she needed in that moment. 😂.

Commenter 3: "She was full on screaming, frothing at the mouth raging at him about how he was ruining her life" Since she's still going to be part of y'all's lives, you will have to step it up from Grey rocking her. Wailing in the restroom during the wedding? 😂🤣😂 PS and your MIL will definitely be a problem in the future. But, yay!! Congratulations on the wedding.😀😁😃.

> OOP: Oh, we know. He said we won’t be telling them where we are moving to. Funny enough, his other sister hinted that we should move far away from my ILs. We are going to be at least 1 hour away.

Where does the other sister live?

> OOP: She moved to Florida. We are in Canada.

Commenter 4: The MIL likely created the PS adult monster. She probably treated her special over her brother her whole life.

You never said, I suppose she doesn't have a husband, so she is jealous you have taken away her brother (husband stand-in sometimes).

> OOP: She does not! She was the other woman and got pregnant (on purpose) trying to trap the father of her kids. I told my husband that she’s jealous, and he was SO disgusted. She actually was jealous of Sis #2’s first pregnancy, so she got pregnant again. It’s so sad.

OOP on her husband's siblings

> OOP: His brother is a raging racist alcoholic. He was not invited to our wedding, so he did not attend. My husband is very kind, quiet and just generally likeable. Like golden retriever energy. His sister we are fairly certain is a narcissist. I hate using that word, but like…the shoe fits. Who even acts like that? > > We are no longer trying to do anything with her. We actually don’t speak to her at all. We don’t answer calls/messages. We greet everyone as a group if she’s there but don’t share much info with any of his family members. She’s being grey rocked as a group. 😂.

OOP on if she and her husband can go no contact with the problematic sister

> OOP: Unfortunately, life isn’t black and white. My husband still wants a relationship with his nieces and nephews and his one normal sibling and her kids. This means that we have to put up with the crazy sister, but on our terms. He wasn’t aware his parents were racists until me. They are really good at masking it. That went out the window when their son happened to fall in love with a mixed race woman though. I can’t begin to untangle how that must feel for him. He told them he won’t tolerate any hate towards any one from them and he’s VLC as it is. We are not willing to sacrifice the kids because the adults around them are shitty people.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Patient-Tea9555

Originally posted to r/AITH

AITAH for asking my stepbrother to take eggs off the menu at his own wedding?

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!deliberately ignoring food allergies, ableism!<

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Original Post: June 14, 2026

This is a throw away account because both my step brother and his fiancée have Reddit.

My step brother and his fiancée are getting married soon. It is a destination wedding, the destination is very hot.

For some background my step brother and his fiancée met at the gym about 7 years ago. Didn’t start going out till about a year into their friendship and finally got engaged summer. They met through a mutual love for the gym and with that comes a mutual love for protein. Here the problem, I am allergic to a majority of animal protein (seafood and eggs mostly) I am also a little bit of a picky eater, but I believe that is my own problem, so I don’t let it affect other people (in everyday situations obviously).

Now I have known my step brother since he was 4. I obviously lived with him for many years, baby sat him, drove him everywhere (I am 7 years older than him). We see each other as if we are blood related.

For his wedding I have done a lot of planning with them because I had a wedding myself, so I know how it goes. For their destination they chose a beach and the wedding will start before sunrise. So they can have the sun rise while the ceremony happens. It’s super cute!!

I looked at the menu and there will be literally nothing I can eat. For breakfast eggs Benedict on some sort of potato patty with either herbs or mushrooms on top. There will also be a seafood bar throughout the day. And course an alcoholic beverage bar. They hired a caterer to do all this and the request for substitutions I have to go through my step brother first (which is a no brainer, and I have nothing against that).

When I found out the plans for the food I asked if I could have a substitute meal he said no, I offered to pay for it he said no because “I would just feel so guilty if I made you pay for your own meal at my wedding” or something like that. TBH I’d rather pay for my own food than die. There are no fast food places around. My hotel doesn’t start serving food till 8 and I’ll be at the wedding still. I don’t and literally can’t go the whole day without food because I am literally disabled. I have a connective tissue disorder there are a lot of symptoms that come with it and I need to eat or else I could get very sick and irritable.

I understand why he might be upset by me asking for my own meal because growing up I was really picky with my food. But now I try my best to eat what I can. Eggs give me a rash and the shits. Seafood gives me anaphylaxis, but only when I eat it so I can still touch it and be fine, it’s a kind of mild allergy but I can still die if left untreated.

Having an alternative or just replacing the eggs with something else would make my life so much easier. My husband is on my side obviously but the rest of my family while still concerned about my allergies thinks I should just suck it up. So AITAH for asking my step brother to take eggs off the menu at his own wedding?

Edit: there are hors d’oeuvres at the wedding that do not have seafood in them. My options are pickles and spinach dip with crackers, there’s also cream cheese.

Relevant Comments

OOP on skipping meals at the wedding

> OOP: I’m disabled skipping meals in the heat can kill me.

Commenter 1: TBH I thought this would be one of those things where someone just didn’t want to eat what was on the menu but in your case you literally cannot eat any of the foods. Why can your step brother not just let you have something that you can eat. He might feel bad but at least you’d be able to eat something. Surely you can be an exception > > OOP: He said that I can eat some of the hors d’oeuvre from the seafood bar. But I don’t think that will be enough. >> >> Commenter 2: You said in your post there is literally nothing you can eat. Now you're saying there are foods you can eat. YTA >>> >>> OOP: There are pickles I can eat that’s literally it. Technically, due to contamination I shouldn’t be eating this either. >>>> >>>> Commenter 2: So your brother wants you to only eat pickles at his wedding? >>>>> >>>>> OOP: Basically yes and artichoke dip!

OOP on calling the caterer directly to figure out the meal accommodations if her brother doesn't want to deal with this

> OOP: I will be doing that at some point. I’m going to have a sit down convo with him and his fiancée about this. Also there are other people going to the wedding who might need meal subs I’ll talk to them, see if they have asked yet and if so what he told them. I’m really confused on what’s going on with him. I tend to dance around ideas when I’m talking to people so maybe he didn’t clock what I was trying to say. Idk but I might give an update on Monday.

> I’m going to talk to him either tomorrow or next week just to see if maybe he’s just not understanding what I’m saying. Most of my conversations with him was over the phone or text.

Commenter 3: I think you need to be a bit more assertive - "this isn't me being picky, I'm allergic to eggs. It will be a bad time for everyone if I eat eggs. I'm willing to talk to the caterer and pay for my meal to not make your wedding about me absolutely shitting myself because of eggs. This doesn't have to be hard on anyone - I need to eat and it can't be eggs."

> OOP: Thank you for this, I really appreciate hearing this kind of advice :)

Commenter 4: YTA bring your own food if you are that picky/allergic and there truly will be no other food available at the venue (which is unlikely) But I seriously doubt that every single dish has eggs or seafood. You don’t ask someone to change their entire menu just for you.

> OOP: It’s not a venue it’s a beach, a tent and a catering service.

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Clarification Update: June 17, 2026 (three days later)

CLARIFICATION UPDATE, AITAH for asking my Step brother to take eggs off the menu at his wedding?

I wanted to come on here clear some things up and answer some questions. First of all, thank you everyone for your opinions, both positive and negative. I understand that people don’t really like picky eaters, or enjoy having to go out of their way to help someone who has my issues. And I wanted to confirm that my title was click bait and I am extremely apologetic for that. It won’t happen again, I am sorry. My further titles will be 100% to the point.

Now for the question,

- Am I karma fishing?

No, I’m not karma fishing. This is not my actual account so karma fishing on this account would take me nowhere. This account will be scrapped after I solve my issue.

- Can I bring my own food?

This question was more of a statement less of a question a lot of times, but I will end up bringing my own food, If it comes down to that.

- Does my brother hate me?

No, I don’t think he does. His response to me asking for a substitution was very out of character. This entire situation has been very weird and I’m excited for it to be over.

- Am I faking my disabilities or allergies?

No I am not, I am allergic to seafood (shellfish and fish) and have a sensitivity to eggs (they make me shit and vomit) and I’m not faking my disabilities, saying that someone is faking their disability is insanely disrespectful. I didn’t want to be specific to what I have just for personal reasons, but I have POTS along with EDS, and some other smaller issues.

Here is a more in depth rundown to the conversation we had on the phone:

I asked, “so what kind of food are you going to be having at the wedding?” to which he responded and told me about the breakfast and the seafood after. I asked him about substitutions for anyone who is allergic and he said he wasn’t sure about substitutions and he was probably going to have to run with no for right now. I told him that people weren’t going to be too happy with that answer and that at my own wedding I had to make multiple different substitutions. I said that I would be more than happy to pay for those substitutions if he needed it. to that he replied that he would feel bad for me to have to pay for substitutions.

I am having a sit down conversation with him on Saturday so y’all will be getting an actual update by them. I’d love any advice on what to say to him. This situation has been so confusing for me. Thank you all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: So you're mildly allergic to eggs (your body vomiting the eggs is an allergic reaction. I found this out because I have a mild allergy to shrimp and nuts.), and you're allergic to seafood and shellfish... but you just said that's his whole menu.

I can't say if he hates you, but this makes it sound like he doesn't want you at the wedding. I'm not sure why POTS or EDS would be an issue. I would see where his head is at and say I'm not going for my own safety because it is. If he is like "great ok this was a good talk", he didn't want you to go. However if he's like "why can’t you go?" then he's not seeing that you have allergies. Honestly I wouldn't go personally because I know the feeling of your throat swelling and not being able to breathe and being in the hospital with all sorts of machines around me.

Good luck.

> OOP: POTS and EDS (editor’s note: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome & Ehlers-Danlos syndrome) is an issue because they make me severely prone to dehydration, blood sugar drops and blood pressure drops. I have fainted in the past and not going without eating a big enough meal for this long could cause me to faint. There is even a possibility of death. dizziness and severe brain fog are also symptoms.

Commenter 2: Does he know you're allergic to eggs and seafood? The way you describe the conversation was you asking about "people with allergies" instead of saying that YOU have an allergy. Just tell him you're allergic and in order to attend, you will need a different meal and that you're happy to pay for it. If he says no, then you tell him that you're sorry he feels that way, but since you would like to continue to be alive, you will not be able to attend.

> OOP: He does know I’m allergic to seafood and eggs, we’ve been siblings for a long time I said that in my OG post

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Update: June 20, 2026 (three days later)

UPDATE, AITAH for asking my Step brother to take eggs off my menu at his wedding?

It’s Saturday y’all here’s the update you guys have been waiting for.

After I made the original post. I talked to my aunt who is also going to the wedding. She has a dairy allergy. I asked her if she had talked to them about food at the wedding and she said she had and they were fairly understanding and explained to her that the only part of the food she might have to substitute would be the hollandaise sauce and she would just not eat cream cheese from the hors d’oeuvres. And butter for any seafood is on the side. They were fully supportive in giving her the substitution she needs. So confused me gave my aunt the rundown on what I had experienced, and she was just as puzzled as I was.

Today, I had a sit down conversation with him asked about the food situation. I asked why he said no about my substitutions. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I asked why everyone else who wanted substitutions got them. Again he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. But when I brought up paying for my own substitutions. Oh, did he talk! he said that the whole not wanting to let me pay for my own substitutions was just a misunderstanding. He thought that I meant I wanted to pay for everyone’s substitutions (I would be fine with if that was something I had to do btw), but he didn’t want me doing that, ofc I understand.

The last question I asked was, if accommodations were available, why was I the only person being told no?

I told him that I talked to our aunt, and I know that her food substitution was granted. He then danced around that topic as well. Saying stuff like “well you know aunty, she can get anything she wants. You know how she is!” basically making a joke about our aunt being a Karen (not my fav thing to hear). Finally I just said I would be more than happy to talk to the caterer myself if that was necessary. That’s when he got quiet.

Then he asked me not to contact the caterer. I was so confused and still am! the more I pushed for answers, the more uncomfortable he became. Finally, after about five minutes of going in circles, he admitted that he knew substitutions were possible (obviously, me and him both knew this already).

Apparently the caterer had offered allergy accommodations, which is what my aunt told me as well. Not only that but several guests had already requested modifications to their meals (my aunt being one of them).

That's when things got even weirder.

He told me that his fiancée had specifically mentioned me when they were discussing dietary restrictions. Apparently she thought my dietary restrictions were "annoying". He said he tried to convince her that it wasn’t a big deal, but she shut down any further discussion about it. I told him that I had medical needs and I can’t be in the heat without food. Therefore, I do not feel comfortable attending. He got really frantic and said he’ll talk to her. I told him I was going to talk to her anyways. He got weird about that too. I also made sure that he knew even if I wasn’t going I would still continue to help with the planning, which didn’t really calm him down, I just left after that. This entire situation is getting weirder and weirder..

I’m going to talk to his fiancée next, probably tomorrow. But for now the saga continues ig lol.

Thanks for the support and suggestions! lol

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Just don't go. For real. His wifey-to-be doesn't like you and doesn't care if you're going without food. I would never celebrate the union of such a couple. > > Commenter 2: I reckon it is not the wife-to-be but the step brother. I bet there is some weird resentment about 'special treatment' from when they were younger... >> >> OOP: Idk about special treatment I am quite a bit older than him. I also don’t think his fiancée dislikes me we get along nicely, she’s very lovely to be around.

Commenter 3: Is there any reason your step-brother may have to resent you? Even a very petty reason? Do you get more attention from parents because of your medical issues? Are you considered the "successful" child? Did your family avoid eating your allergens and now he might hold a grudge over it? I find his dancing around the questions to be very odd. You can talk to his fiancée, but I'm genuinely wondering if this isn't his decision and his way of somehow "getting payback" for some imagined slight.

> OOP: Not really. I got diagnosed with most of my medical issues around grade 2 so I didn’t know him yet. I’m not particularly successful, I’m not poor. I work in an art field so you can probably imagine how that’s going right now. I really hope this isn’t payback for anything because I don’t see a reason behind it. I’m older than him. I basically took care of him all the time, aside from one weekends when my mom and step dad weren’t working.

Commenter 4: It's sad that your brother would marry someone so rude and lacking compassion. It's up to you to go to the wedding or not. The future does not look bright for your relationship with your brother. Sometimes it happens that way. My sister-in-law and her mother hated me. It went on for years until she cheated on him and they got a divorce and then my brother and I were closer than ever. So you never know.

> OOP: What I don’t understand, though is why she hates me. Me and my husband have been friends with her for years. It makes no sense.

Commenter 5: I’m sorry but it sounds like they just don’t want you to go and the fiancée has issues with you. Just don’t go, don’t even bother talking to her!

> OOP: I’m not planning on going if they don’t want me to go. I’m in at place right now where I don’t feel respected. I put a lot of work into helping them now and over the years. I’m really confused on what’s going on. I could be oblivious, but I see no reason for either of them to dislike me. I’ve known both of them for years obviously, my stepbrother is my brother, I was almost always taking care of him when he was a kid. And his fiancée has been a friend of mine even before they were dating. This entire thing makes no sense. I’m so confused.

Commenter 6: Well, will there be egg in everything? What specifically can you not eat?

> OOP: I’m not 100% sure what the entire event is going to look like food wise because that’s not where I was helping. I just recently got a rundown of what the food is going to look like it was just what they told me. The only things that won’t have egg in it or the little potato patty with mushrooms that I mentioned in my first post and some artichoke dip with crackers and cream cheese and pickles.

Commenter 7: Why on earth would you go talk to the fiancée about this? Respectfully that is absolutely not your place. Let him deal with her, your relationship is with him. If he’d rather capitulate than stand up for your legitimate medical needs to ensure you can be a part of his wedding, then that should tell you everything you need to know. Also, wtf do you mean you’re gonna keep helping these people!? Girl no! They can’t give basic respect for your HEALTH, they don’t deserve your money or your time.

> OOP: I didn’t mention this, but there are a lot of people asking about it, but I was friends with the fiancée before my brother and her got together, I was the one that introduced them.

Commenter 8: If you go PLEASE bring an epi-pen with you just in case the sweet and lovely bride "accidentally" gets seafood in your food. I wouldn't trust that one.

> OOP: I absolutely will be bringing an EpiPen. I always bring one in my bag that I keep all of my other fun medical gadgets in in that department I am safe.

OOP on accepting their health issues

> OOP: As a disabled person, I have learned to accept no my entire life. I’ve also learned to speak up for myself when it is necessary, and I truly believe that this is a point where it is necessary I’m going to try my best to help myself without needing others as I’ve done my entire life. This isn’t disappointment. This is just me trying to not have a medical emergency at someone else’s wedding.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/YourRoyalGarbageness

Originally posted to r/EntitledPeople

Brother wants me to take a loan out for my mom's funeral

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!emotional abuse, misogyny, financial exploitation!<

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Original Post: June 18, 2026

All involved are over 30 years of age.

Background: I come from an Asian family where the daughters are considered "outsiders" as in not part of the family anymore once married so daughters are "guest" now and the sons are valued more. Once parents passes away it's the son's duties to do the funeral. Funerals can lasts up to 3 days. It is very tedious, long and exhausting.

Ever since I finished high school my many siblings basically dumped my parents onto me to be the sole care taker. My dad passed shortly after I finished high school, so I've been caring for my mom. My siblings never bothered to come help me care for my mom and even when my mom asked them for help they always referred it back to me, so I've gotten used to doing everything myself. They barely even came to visit my mom. My life had been put on hold to care for my mom for over a decade. I have a lot of resentment for my siblings.

Over the years her health slowly declined. She got a stroke 2 years ago. Before she came home from rehab I told them I would need help caring for her. I said the same thing before I went back to work because we could not live on just a few hours of pca income (editor's note: personal care aide) as it doesn't pay much either. I had requested more pca hours but was only given a few extra hours temporarily. None of them came to help. Even my brother who lived with us at the time didn't help. She was put in a nursing home.

Present: my mom passed a few weeks ago. Today my brother texted. He wants me to go take out a $10k loan because the life insurance check might not come in time before the funeral to pay for the funeral. My mom had paid for the life insurance herself because she doesn't want us going broke from paying for her funeral. She had said to me that she only wants a one day funeral, yet my other brother wants a 2 day to "look good" in front of relatives (in this community people like to criticise and gossip). And of course most of my siblings are very bad with money so none of them, especially the sons have money saved. They don't qualify for a loan either.

Now with how I've barely gotten any help I think I've done my part while my mom was alive so it's my siblings turn. This funeral isn't even for my mom but to look good in front of my relatives so I've put my foot down and said I was not helping with anything moneywise. I told my brother I wasn't taking any loans out, it was their turn to figure things out. He got mad and tries to guilt trip me saying he's the only one who cares for her funeral. I said I spent this long taking care of her while none of them did anything. He said my mom was able bodied, so she was able to take care of herself.

Excuse me? You think the only part of taking care of someone means bathing them, cooking for them, wiping their butts, and feeding them? No. Even if able bodied there's other aspects of caring for them such as many doctors’ appointments, waking up to take them to the hospital at 1 AM, sleeping in an uncomfortable hospital recliner chair, calling into work because they're in the hospital so often and you don't know when the last time with them will be, being their chauffeur for their errands amongst many other things.

Of course he didn't bother to read it and reply. Now I hope he knows know how I felt when it was all just me.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this original post

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Your brother can take out whatever loan he wants. He doesn't want to do it and that's why he is asking you. He feels like you are a doormat. I hope you stop allowing people to use you like this. Sorry about losing your mother, I lost mine a few years ago and it's hard.

Commenter 2: If you take out any loan, your brother will find a million excuses not to ever pay you back. DON’T DO IT! You have done enough and should not cover this expense. Your brother is a total AH.

Commenter 3: If he wants he can take out the loan. You have done too much already.

Commenter 4: If you are in the US, do not take a loan for funeral costs. Funeral homes in the US will take allow the surviving beneficiary to sign the insurance policy over to the funeral home and they will collect on the policy once it is paid out.

You will know the amount that the policy is worth and what you have to spend.

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Update: June 19, 2026 (next day)

UPDATE to Brother wants me to take out a loan for my mom's funeral

Didn't think I'd need an update but boy it just got intense. I forgot to include my gender in the first post but I'm a female.

So for some reason when my mom did her life insurance she made both my brother and me beneficiaries for half each. I'm not of course going to keep the money because she didn't want us fighting over money that she paid for it herself to use for her funeral but welp, fighting over money we are. They all knew I was just waiting for the check to come then give them the money. (Spoiler: when it comes to money they've always came to me to borrow money because most of them are financially irresponsible).

I woke up to a whole paragraph from my brother that he's cutting ties with me and I'm no longer his sister, how I stole a decade of SSI (social security income/supplementary income forgot which one) worth $90k and I should be ashamed of myself, freeloading off of my mom, he isn't gonna show up to the funeral if I showed up. Dude you can't dictate who shows up and who doesn't.

Yes, my mom helped pay rent because she wanted to help her children, but I wasn't the only one who lived with her. I was just the one who lived with her for the longest while the others lived for a few years then moved out here and there. And it's her money so she can do whatever she wants with it. Other than helping with rent I paid for everything else.

Spoiler: there was a time for about half a year where he couldn't find a job while living with us yet still allowed me to "steal" my mom's money while he freeloaded off of us too.

My sister then called me because he decided to screenshot our convo and sent it to the siblings group chat. She said I shouldn't say I did "everything" because all I did was take my mom to doctor's appointments and that if I said that then what if relatives asks where all my mom's money went then I wouldn't be able to give them all that money since I was the one taking care of her.

I'm heartbroken and sad my ex brother would go nuclear just because I wouldn't sign a $10k loan and it's the end of the world now but it's all for the better because now I see his true colors and can be guilt free that I wasn't doing enough for my mom. He crossed a bridge and burned it, so I have one less sibling to deal with.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this latest update

Top Comments

Commenter 1: As the saying goes, you never really know a man until you've shared an inheritance with him.

Commenter 2: please keep the money for yourself!!!

Commenter 3: But there was help that was given, and they did nothing, therefore you did do everything.

And why are they so sure they know what you did each and every day?

Commenter 4: They're already saying you stole money so you may as well keep your half.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Tindra_j

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Physically trapped on vacation with a neighbor (28M) who refuses to take "no" from me (18F). Need advice.

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!sexual harassment, predatory behavior / attempting grooming!<

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Original Post: June 18, 2026

Hey everyone, I really need some outside perspective on how to handle a boundary issue with my neighbor.

I am an 18-year-old girl, and my neighbor is turning 28. We grew up in the same area but have absolutely nothing in common. He has been trying to pursue a relationship with me since I was much younger, and despite the large age gap, he refuses to stop.

He is still constantly pursuing me. Right now, our families are staying in the same vacation area, and I cannot escape the situation.

He texts me nonstop, looks for any excuse to cross physical boundaries, and moves his chair closer to mine whenever he gets the chance. He constantly asks me to go on walks with him, and even though I say no and that I don't want to every single time, he just doesn't stop.

To make matters worse, his parents constantly joke about it, saying that the two of us are going to get married. I have said that I don't find it funny, but they just laugh it off. I feel very isolated because the people around me don't seem to notice how much this behavior is affecting my comfort and safety.

My parents really like him because we all grew up together. They genuinely see him as the "nice neighbor boy" we’ve known for years. I think they are completely blinded by that familiarity, I know I need to talk to them about this and how it feels to me, and I know they will understand and realise the situation. They will support me so don’t worry about my parents or that they are ” bad parents ” they are great I just haven’t been good at expressing myself.

How can I best handle this communication block with my parents, and what are my practical options for setting boundaries when he refuses to take no for an answer?

Edit: Just wanted to add that my parents are actually super supportive and amazing people. A lot of the things he does are very discreet, and I realize now that I haven't been clear enough with my parents about how anxious and uncomfortable this is actually making me feel. I’m gonna have a serious talk with them about how it makes me feel.

To clarify: My parents DO NOT know how bad this has been. The neighbor has been very strategic and discreet, and I have kept my discomfort to myself until now. This is NOT my parents' fault at all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: You are 18 now, OP. You're an adult. You don't have to continue to do what your parents and his parents want you to do.

Start by blocking him on your phone so he can't harass you with text messages. If his parents or your parents complain, just tell them directly: "I know he has a crush on me, but I don't have any feelings for him. I just want him to quit bothering me."

When he asks you to go for a walk with him - say no!

When he pushes his chair closer to yours - move yours away, or get up and go somewhere else!

And most of all - if he touches you against your will, yell "Get off of me! I don't like the way you're touching me!" and move away. That should at least put an end to the inappropriate physical contact, especially if you embarrass him in public.

Make it your goal that by the end of your forced shared vacation with this older creep, both he and his family will understand that you don't like him even as a friend, let alone as a romantic prospect. Stay strong, you got this!

> OOP: Yes I’m thinking of blocking him as soon I go home from this place, thank you 🙏.

Commenter 2: The age difference is alarming, he started pursuing you when you were young, the biggest concern is that he doesn't take your no seriously. You are not safe.

> OOP: Yes I have always thought it was weird too and now I’m older I have started to like show to him I don’t accept it. But for example his parents just joke about it, my parents I have talked too but I think it’s on me too and I should be more clear that I feel uncomfortable. I think they don’t really understand how it make me feel but if I told them more clear I think they would understand.

Commenter 3: Has he ever been in your house? Do your windows have locks?

> OOP: He has been in my vacation house only, at the moment we don’t have a really well working locker for the door so that makes me a little uncomfortable honestly to sleep there > >> Commenter 3: That's very reasonable. If I were you I would just check your bedroom at home, air vents, high shelves etc. this creepy behaviour running unchecked for so long can emboldened some guys. >> >> I'm really sorry this has happened, and I am really glad your parents are standing up for you. >>> >>> OOP: Yes I saw him today I was going to drop off my dad and siblings at our summer house because I was going to sleep home, and every time I walked inside the house he walked outside to the street and repeat and then he come outside to the street again when I stood outside with my siblings and he just stood there looking at me and when he walked away he keep locking back at me. I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack I don’t know what happened, but I felt uncomfortable as hell. Even my younger siblings who stood by me thinks he’s weird asf.

Commenter 4: I find it slightly mind boggling that even though it seems you have well intentioned parents, the fact they were ok seeing even some flirtation from a 28 year old to an 18 year old didn’t raise any red flags for them. A man that exhibits that behavior to an 18 year old is only doing so because he can’t legally go younger…

I’m very happy you blocked him and your parents are taking action, but take this as a learning lesson for your parents too. They seem naive and if another problem surfaces that they aren’t noticing, you’ll need to speak up way sooner.

> OOP: Yes have spoken to them and asked ” didn’t you think it was weird for him to show interest for me when I was like 15 ” and they say yes but that’s the past, now your 18. But still I think it’s really weird for a 28 year old to like an 18 year old, especially when he showed signs like this for years

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Editor's note: OOP also installed the same updates into the original post

Update: June 19, 2026 (next day)

(Update) Neighbour 28M crosses physical boundaries with me 18F at summer house/vacation.

Update: Hey everyone, so here is an update about it all, I just want to say thank you for all the advice. It means a lot for people to actually realise how the situation made me feel and I don’t feel as alien or crazy now.

I don't know where to put the update, but I will just add it here.

I have blocked him on everything, and will never speak to the man ever again.

I couldn't sleep at all because my head couldn't stop, and I was going to wait for tomorrow, but I decided to go and wake my parents up because I felt like I probably should just say it right now. It's thanks to a lot of you guys that made me actually have the courage to tell them everything.

I sat down with them and explained everything, including how long it's been going on. They were genuinely shocked. They thought his behavior had just started recently now that I'm 18, and they hadn't realized how bad it actually was, idk they thought he wasn't really in love with me just that it was his parents that liked to make jokes about it all, but I told them that wasn't the case and showed them everything, the text and everything.

Once they got the full picture and realized how anxious and unsafe he has been making me feel, they got extremely angry and upset. I know I should have been clearer with them sooner, but I honestly thought I was just overreacting.

My dad is furious and the absolute first thing he is doing in the morning is going over to confront him and his family face-to-face to put a stop to this, and he talks about plans on filing a report too. We were originally going to leave today later anyway, but now we are officially not returning to our summer house until he is completely gone from the area.

What are the best steps to take moving forward with this situation? The only thing I can do now is wait for tomorrow for when he will confront him. Now I don't know what happens.

Also thank you again, thank you so much for your all support and advice it did really help em understand the situation and made it easier for me to talk to my parents about it.

I am going try to get some sleep now, it's 6 am here.❣️

It is midsommar today so I’m just going to try to enjoy it with my family as much as possible. (editor's note: midsommar is a celebration of the season of summer, taking place on the date of summer solstice in Northern Hemisphere, the longest day of the year)

I hope this update reaches everyone who saw my recent post.

Another update

A short and probably last update before I go offline. My dad went and talked to him. I didn't go with because I couldn't deal with it and it felt way to uncomfortable. My dad came back and just said they had a talk and that he’s pretty sure it’s sorted out now and that he will leave me alone. I also unblocked him to mute him instead, so that way he can’t bother me with notifications (those he hasn’t deleted) , but I still have access to our old messages in case.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1:

> They thought his behavior had just started recently now that I'm 18

FFS, that's still bad as heck!! Man is 28, why should they be so chill about a grown ass man chasing after an 18 year old? As a parent I'd have stopped this guy and be like "The faq are you doing, big man?"

Anyway, at least your parents have opened their eyes, now.

> OOP: Yes I do agree on that if it was my child I would definitely have thought just that alone was weird.

Commenter 2: I am glad you told your parents and blocked him. Stay completely no-contact and let your parents handle everything, and keep any messages or proof just in case they decide to report it. For now just stick close to family and focus on staying safe and calm while they deal with it.

Commenter 3: You did what you needed to do - and your parents have your back: good luck OP and well done for speaking out: you need do nothing more yourself 😎

Commenter 4: I am so proud of you for speaking up and telling your parents - and I'm also really glad that they took you so seriously and will help you from now on. You are an adult now, but it's not like your 18th birthday magically turned you into someone with all the knowledge and power to tackle such things alone. Especially as a woman, men sadly often make us feel and be unsafe, so having a support network and turning to it is so important!

And I sure hope your father will absolutely (verbally) kick some ass in the morning!

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP