I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Patient-Tea9555

Originally posted to r/AITH

Previous BoRUs: #1

[New Update]: AITAH for asking my stepbrother to take eggs off the menu at his own wedding?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/soayherder & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Thanks to u/FunnyAnchor123, u/Accomplished_Tip9422, & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting me know about the latest update

Trigger Warnings: >!deliberately ignoring food allergies, ableism!<

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RECAP

Original Post: June 14, 2026

This is a throw away account because both my step brother and his fiancée have Reddit.

My step brother and his fiancée are getting married soon. It is a destination wedding, the destination is very hot.

For some background my step brother and his fiancée met at the gym about 7 years ago. Didn’t start going out till about a year into their friendship and finally got engaged summer. They met through a mutual love for the gym and with that comes a mutual love for protein. Here the problem, I am allergic to a majority of animal protein (seafood and eggs mostly) I am also a little bit of a picky eater, but I believe that is my own problem, so I don’t let it affect other people (in everyday situations obviously).

Now I have known my step brother since he was 4. I obviously lived with him for many years, baby sat him, drove him everywhere (I am 7 years older than him). We see each other as if we are blood related.

For his wedding I have done a lot of planning with them because I had a wedding myself, so I know how it goes. For their destination they chose a beach and the wedding will start before sunrise. So they can have the sun rise while the ceremony happens. It’s super cute!!

I looked at the menu and there will be literally nothing I can eat. For breakfast eggs Benedict on some sort of potato patty with either herbs or mushrooms on top. There will also be a seafood bar throughout the day. And course an alcoholic beverage bar. They hired a caterer to do all this and the request for substitutions I have to go through my step brother first (which is a no brainer, and I have nothing against that).

When I found out the plans for the food I asked if I could have a substitute meal he said no, I offered to pay for it he said no because “I would just feel so guilty if I made you pay for your own meal at my wedding” or something like that. TBH I’d rather pay for my own food than die. There are no fast food places around. My hotel doesn’t start serving food till 8 and I’ll be at the wedding still. I don’t and literally can’t go the whole day without food because I am literally disabled. I have a connective tissue disorder there are a lot of symptoms that come with it and I need to eat or else I could get very sick and irritable.

I understand why he might be upset by me asking for my own meal because growing up I was really picky with my food. But now I try my best to eat what I can. Eggs give me a rash and the shits. Seafood gives me anaphylaxis, but only when I eat it so I can still touch it and be fine, it’s a kind of mild allergy but I can still die if left untreated.

Having an alternative or just replacing the eggs with something else would make my life so much easier. My husband is on my side obviously but the rest of my family while still concerned about my allergies thinks I should just suck it up. So AITAH for asking my step brother to take eggs off the menu at his own wedding?

Edit: there are hors d’oeuvres at the wedding that do not have seafood in them. My options are pickles and spinach dip with crackers, there’s also cream cheese.

Relevant Comments

OOP on skipping meals at the wedding

> OOP: I’m disabled skipping meals in the heat can kill me.

Commenter 1: TBH I thought this would be one of those things where someone just didn’t want to eat what was on the menu but in your case you literally cannot eat any of the foods. Why can your step brother not just let you have something that you can eat. He might feel bad but at least you’d be able to eat something. Surely you can be an exception > > OOP: He said that I can eat some of the hors d’oeuvre from the seafood bar. But I don’t think that will be enough. >> >> Commenter 2: You said in your post there is literally nothing you can eat. Now you're saying there are foods you can eat. YTA >>> >>> OOP: There are pickles I can eat that’s literally it. Technically, due to contamination I shouldn’t be eating this either. >>>> >>>> Commenter 2: So your brother wants you to only eat pickles at his wedding? >>>>> >>>>> OOP: Basically yes and artichoke dip!

OOP on calling the caterer directly to figure out the meal accommodations if her brother doesn't want to deal with this

> OOP: I will be doing that at some point. I’m going to have a sit down convo with him and his fiancée about this. Also there are other people going to the wedding who might need meal subs I’ll talk to them, see if they have asked yet and if so what he told them. I’m really confused on what’s going on with him. I tend to dance around ideas when I’m talking to people so maybe he didn’t clock what I was trying to say. Idk but I might give an update on Monday.

> I’m going to talk to him either tomorrow or next week just to see if maybe he’s just not understanding what I’m saying. Most of my conversations with him was over the phone or text.

Commenter 3: I think you need to be a bit more assertive - "this isn't me being picky, I'm allergic to eggs. It will be a bad time for everyone if I eat eggs. I'm willing to talk to the caterer and pay for my meal to not make your wedding about me absolutely shitting myself because of eggs. This doesn't have to be hard on anyone - I need to eat and it can't be eggs."

> OOP: Thank you for this, I really appreciate hearing this kind of advice :)

Commenter 4: YTA bring your own food if you are that picky/allergic and there truly will be no other food available at the venue (which is unlikely) But I seriously doubt that every single dish has eggs or seafood. You don’t ask someone to change their entire menu just for you.

> OOP: It’s not a venue it’s a beach, a tent and a catering service.

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Clarification Update: June 17, 2026 (three days later)

CLARIFICATION UPDATE, AITAH for asking my Step brother to take eggs off the menu at his wedding?

I wanted to come on here clear some things up and answer some questions. First of all, thank you everyone for your opinions, both positive and negative. I understand that people don’t really like picky eaters, or enjoy having to go out of their way to help someone who has my issues. And I wanted to confirm that my title was click bait and I am extremely apologetic for that. It won’t happen again, I am sorry. My further titles will be 100% to the point.

Now for the question,

- Am I karma fishing?

No, I’m not karma fishing. This is not my actual account so karma fishing on this account would take me nowhere. This account will be scrapped after I solve my issue.

- Can I bring my own food?

This question was more of a statement less of a question a lot of times, but I will end up bringing my own food, If it comes down to that.

- Does my brother hate me?

No, I don’t think he does. His response to me asking for a substitution was very out of character. This entire situation has been very weird and I’m excited for it to be over.

- Am I faking my disabilities or allergies?

No I am not, I am allergic to seafood (shellfish and fish) and have a sensitivity to eggs (they make me shit and vomit) and I’m not faking my disabilities, saying that someone is faking their disability is insanely disrespectful. I didn’t want to be specific to what I have just for personal reasons, but I have POTS along with EDS, and some other smaller issues.

Here is a more in depth rundown to the conversation we had on the phone:

I asked, “so what kind of food are you going to be having at the wedding?” to which he responded and told me about the breakfast and the seafood after. I asked him about substitutions for anyone who is allergic and he said he wasn’t sure about substitutions and he was probably going to have to run with no for right now. I told him that people weren’t going to be too happy with that answer and that at my own wedding I had to make multiple different substitutions. I said that I would be more than happy to pay for those substitutions if he needed it. to that he replied that he would feel bad for me to have to pay for substitutions.

I am having a sit down conversation with him on Saturday so y’all will be getting an actual update by them. I’d love any advice on what to say to him. This situation has been so confusing for me. Thank you all.

Relevant Comments

Commenter: So you're mildly allergic to eggs (your body vomiting the eggs is an allergic reaction. I found this out because I have a mild allergy to shrimp and nuts.), and you're allergic to seafood and shellfish... but you just said that's his whole menu.

I can't say if he hates you, but this makes it sound like he doesn't want you at the wedding. I'm not sure why POTS or EDS would be an issue. I would see where his head is at and say I'm not going for my own safety because it is. If he is like "great ok this was a good talk", he didn't want you to go. However if he's like "why can’t you go?" then he's not seeing that you have allergies. Honestly I wouldn't go personally because I know the feeling of your throat swelling and not being able to breathe and being in the hospital with all sorts of machines around me.

Good luck.

> OOP: POTS and EDS (editor’s note: Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome & Ehlers-Danlos syndrome) is an issue because they make me severely prone to dehydration, blood sugar drops and blood pressure drops. I have fainted in the past and not going without eating a big enough meal for this long could cause me to faint. There is even a possibility of death. dizziness and severe brain fog are also symptoms.

Commenter 2: Does he know you're allergic to eggs and seafood? The way you describe the conversation was you asking about "people with allergies" instead of saying that YOU have an allergy. Just tell him you're allergic and in order to attend, you will need a different meal and that you're happy to pay for it. If he says no, then you tell him that you're sorry he feels that way, but since you would like to continue to be alive, you will not be able to attend.

> OOP: He does know I’m allergic to seafood and eggs, we’ve been siblings for a long time I said that in my OG post

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Update #1: June 20, 2026 (three days later)

UPDATE, AITAH for asking my Step brother to take eggs off my menu at his wedding?

It’s Saturday y’all here’s the update you guys have been waiting for.

After I made the original post. I talked to my aunt who is also going to the wedding. She has a dairy allergy. I asked her if she had talked to them about food at the wedding and she said she had and they were fairly understanding and explained to her that the only part of the food she might have to substitute would be the hollandaise sauce and she would just not eat cream cheese from the hors d’oeuvres. And butter for any seafood is on the side. They were fully supportive in giving her the substitution she needs. So confused me gave my aunt the rundown on what I had experienced, and she was just as puzzled as I was.

Today, I had a sit down conversation with him asked about the food situation. I asked why he said no about my substitutions. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I asked why everyone else who wanted substitutions got them. Again he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. But when I brought up paying for my own substitutions. Oh, did he talk! he said that the whole not wanting to let me pay for my own substitutions was just a misunderstanding. He thought that I meant I wanted to pay for everyone’s substitutions (I would be fine with if that was something I had to do btw), but he didn’t want me doing that, ofc I understand.

The last question I asked was, if accommodations were available, why was I the only person being told no?

I told him that I talked to our aunt, and I know that her food substitution was granted. He then danced around that topic as well. Saying stuff like “well you know aunty, she can get anything she wants. You know how she is!” basically making a joke about our aunt being a Karen (not my fav thing to hear). Finally I just said I would be more than happy to talk to the caterer myself if that was necessary. That’s when he got quiet.

Then he asked me not to contact the caterer. I was so confused and still am! the more I pushed for answers, the more uncomfortable he became. Finally, after about five minutes of going in circles, he admitted that he knew substitutions were possible (obviously, me and him both knew this already).

Apparently the caterer had offered allergy accommodations, which is what my aunt told me as well. Not only that but several guests had already requested modifications to their meals (my aunt being one of them).

That's when things got even weirder.

He told me that his fiancée had specifically mentioned me when they were discussing dietary restrictions. Apparently she thought my dietary restrictions were "annoying". He said he tried to convince her that it wasn’t a big deal, but she shut down any further discussion about it. I told him that I had medical needs and I can’t be in the heat without food. Therefore, I do not feel comfortable attending. He got really frantic and said he’ll talk to her. I told him I was going to talk to her anyways. He got weird about that too. I also made sure that he knew even if I wasn’t going I would still continue to help with the planning, which didn’t really calm him down, I just left after that. This entire situation is getting weirder and weirder..

I’m going to talk to his fiancée next, probably tomorrow. But for now the saga continues ig lol.

Thanks for the support and suggestions! lol

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Just don't go. For real. His wifey-to-be doesn't like you and doesn't care if you're going without food. I would never celebrate the union of such a couple. > > Commenter 2: I reckon it is not the wife-to-be but the step brother. I bet there is some weird resentment about 'special treatment' from when they were younger... >> >> OOP: Idk about special treatment I am quite a bit older than him. I also don’t think his fiancée dislikes me we get along nicely, she’s very lovely to be around.

Commenter 3: Is there any reason your step-brother may have to resent you? Even a very petty reason? Do you get more attention from parents because of your medical issues? Are you considered the "successful" child? Did your family avoid eating your allergens and now he might hold a grudge over it? I find his dancing around the questions to be very odd. You can talk to his fiancée, but I'm genuinely wondering if this isn't his decision and his way of somehow "getting payback" for some imagined slight.

> OOP: Not really. I got diagnosed with most of my medical issues around grade 2 so I didn’t know him yet. I’m not particularly successful, I’m not poor. I work in an art field so you can probably imagine how that’s going right now. I really hope this isn’t payback for anything because I don’t see a reason behind it. I’m older than him. I basically took care of him all the time, aside from one weekends when my mom and step dad weren’t working.

Commenter 4: It's sad that your brother would marry someone so rude and lacking compassion. It's up to you to go to the wedding or not. The future does not look bright for your relationship with your brother. Sometimes it happens that way. My sister-in-law and her mother hated me. It went on for years until she cheated on him and they got a divorce and then my brother and I were closer than ever. So you never know.

> OOP: What I don’t understand, though is why she hates me. Me and my husband have been friends with her for years. It makes no sense.

Commenter 5: I’m sorry but it sounds like they just don’t want you to go and the fiancée has issues with you. Just don’t go, don’t even bother talking to her!

> OOP: I’m not planning on going if they don’t want me to go. I’m in at place right now where I don’t feel respected. I put a lot of work into helping them now and over the years. I’m really confused on what’s going on. I could be oblivious, but I see no reason for either of them to dislike me. I’ve known both of them for years obviously, my stepbrother is my brother, I was almost always taking care of him when he was a kid. And his fiancée has been a friend of mine even before they were dating. This entire thing makes no sense. I’m so confused.

Commenter 6: Well, will there be egg in everything? What specifically can you not eat?

> OOP: I’m not 100% sure what the entire event is going to look like food wise because that’s not where I was helping. I just recently got a rundown of what the food is going to look like it was just what they told me. The only things that won’t have egg in it or the little potato patty with mushrooms that I mentioned in my first post and some artichoke dip with crackers and cream cheese and pickles.

Commenter 7: Why on earth would you go talk to the fiancée about this? Respectfully that is absolutely not your place. Let him deal with her, your relationship is with him. If he’d rather capitulate than stand up for your legitimate medical needs to ensure you can be a part of his wedding, then that should tell you everything you need to know. Also, wtf do you mean you’re gonna keep helping these people!? Girl, no! They can’t give basic respect for your HEALTH, they don’t deserve your money or your time.

> OOP: I didn’t mention this, but there are a lot of people asking about it, but I was friends with the fiancée before my brother and her got together, I was the one that introduced them.

Commenter 8: If you go PLEASE bring an epi-pen with you just in case the sweet and lovely bride "accidentally" gets seafood in your food. I wouldn't trust that one.

> OOP: I absolutely will be bringing an EpiPen. I always bring one in my bag that I keep all of my other fun medical gadgets in in that department I am safe.

OOP on accepting their health issues

> OOP: As a disabled person, I have learned to accept no my entire life. I’ve also learned to speak up for myself when it is necessary, and I truly believe that this is a point where it is necessary I’m going to try my best to help myself without needing others as I’ve done my entire life. This isn’t disappointment. This is just me trying to not have a medical emergency at someone else’s wedding.

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#----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: June 29, 2026 (nine days later from the previous update)

I know I said I was going to update y’all after I talked to the fiancée, but things got a little too hectic with work and this stuff, so I forgot.

To start off I did go and talk to

I called her and we had an odd conversation. I asked if I could have the substitutions and she said that she would not be able to do that for me. I told her that I could pay for it myself. She said no. I asked her why, and she said that the accommodation that I was too “random”, also she said I was and I quote “strong enough to handle some eggs” (whatever that means!!!?) and that I could just deal with it myself. I explained to her that there was absolutely nothing at the wedding I could eat other than pickles and artichoke dip, which is not enough sustenance to last me the hot day. She told me to stop complaining and suck it up. How kind of her.

I was very taken back by this because we have been really friendly over the years that I’ve known her. In fact I knew her before my brother and her got together because she was a part of my husband‘s friend group and still is. I was the one who actually set up her and my brother up, which is another reason why I offered to help with their wedding.

I called my brother again and asked him what the hell was going on because, I had a very odd and somewhat disrespectful conversation with his fiancée. He made up an excuse saying everyone is stressed and that wedding planning is stressful, which it is 100% true and things got blown out of proportion. But I still can’t figure out why I was the only person who got a different answer.

On Monday I finally just took all of your advice and sent my brother a message where said I would bring my own food and if that was a problem I wouldn’t come. As much as I love him I live my health and respect a little more. Left me on open for about 6 hours then wrote back “that’s fine just don’t make it too noticeable please” and that was the last I heard of him for a bit.

BUT on Friday after work I went out with one of my best friends who is in the same friend group as my husband and the fiancée, but I’ve been friends with her for a long time. Basically me her and her sister were childhood friends, but she only met my husband and that friend group in college. Anyways, she told me that the fiancée and my husband had a very minor talking stage relationship sort of thing during college but that ended as fast as it started. My friend being her gossipy self said that she thinks my brothers fiancée might still be in love with my husband.

I didn’t think that was true till I was jokingly telling my husband about what our friend said and my husband said he believes that could be a possibility. UMM WHAT?!

So I asked to take a look at their private messages. And well.. she is messaging him almost every day. Despite them being in the same friend group he isn’t insanely close with her. So these messages are him either having casual polite conversation, short conversation about shared plans or interests or him ignoring her. I didn’t go all the way back, but from what I can see there is nothing weird going on. I trust my husband with my whole heart and believe he is loyal.

From this point on I’m not really sure what to do. There is no real proof that my friends intuition is what’s actually going on and I truly believe this situation to be one big misunderstanding. I don’t even care about the food I’ll bring my own.

Anyways just let me know what should I do now? I’ve basically given up.

Edit: I think I confused everyone with how my brother and his fiancée met. So first of all ignore the wording of my posts in general. I introduced them because I invited my brother to a get together that me and my husband were having. I didn’t introduce them with the intent of them ending il together because there is an age gap. But at that gathering they started as gym buddies and worked their way to getting married soon. I didn’t mention the fact that I introduced them because that wasn’t important at the time.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: I know family is important to you, but it sounds like you are not important to them. Good luck.

> OOP: Thank you, they truly are so important.

Commenter 2: Do you have the kind of relationship with your step-brother that you, or better your husband, could let him know that his fiancée is attention seeking in that way?

> OOP: I might get my husband to tell him. Because he never told me they had that kind of relationship in the past and I wouldn’t have set my brother up with her if I had of known. So it’s the least he could do lol.

Commenter 3: Warn your brother then back away. Give him receipts. Then back way the fuck up. Don't attend that wedding, would be my advice. And tell your husband to block this nutty dame. Yikes.

> OOP: I just wish I had receipts all I have is whispers that they were once together.

Commenter 4: Sorry, your brother's fiancée has been texting your husband for months, is thought to be possibly still in over with him, he sometimes texts back, and you were unaware of how often she texts him? I think that is something he should have mentioned that to you, even if her texts were mundane.

> OOP: They’ve been friends longer than I’ve been with him. So I was expecting them to have conversations it just looked a little desperate on her part since they don’t hangout outside family gatherings and the friend group. Also with my new found knowledge that they once were together things looked a little more sinister.

Commenter 5: INFO: brother’s fiancée is texting your husband? Daily?

Why didn’t he ask her about your meal in the first place?

> OOP: Because it’s my issue not his. I think this is either a me thing or a disabled person thing, but I don’t really like when people ask things for me. I like to be at the table when discussing my own issues.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Apart-Landscape220

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH for not wanting to help with my niece’s party?

Editor's note: made small edits for ease of readability

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Original Post: May 23, 2026

My older sister (29f) and brother-in-law (28m) have struggled financially for basically their entire adult lives. they became parents to 3 girls really young, so I’ve always tried to give them grace and help where I can.

Last year, my son turned 2. we had his birthday party about two weeks early because his actual birthday is usually too cold for outdoor stuff where we live. my husband and I invited my sister to do a combined birthday party at our house for my niece, who was turning 8 around the same time.

because money was tight for them (and because they were stressing about costs constantly), I ended up paying for basically everything for my niece’s side too — decorations, food, cake, etc. I had already rented a bounce house for my son, but upgraded it so older kids could use it too.

I also promised my other two nieces (11 and 10) that I'd help make their birthday special this summer because they did not have a party last year due to their parents finances.

so now their party is coming up in June. this past weekend, my nieces called me asking if I was still helping plan it. obviously I said yes because I love them and would never want to disappoint them.

at first, my sister wanted to do the party at a park. my nieces didn’t even want that because it’ll be hot, humid, or raining. I suggested renting out an arcade in my city and doing a stranger things-themed arcade party for 3 hours. the girls were so excited about it.

then my sister shut it down immediately because she said the “50 people she invited” wouldn’t want to drive 25 minutes.

here’s the thing: most of these people aren’t even there for the kids. half of them don’t have children, won’t bring gifts, and are basically just my brother-in-law’s family/friends who turn every event into drinking, smoking, loud music, and drama. my nieces didn’t even want a lot of them there in the first place.

meanwhile, I offered to pay for:

• the arcade rental

• food

• decorations

• cake

basically everything.

but my sister still refused because she wants everyone to be able to come.

at that point I told her if the priority is hosting a giant cookout for adults instead of an actual kids birthday party, then she can pay for it herself.

now we’re arguing about what I “should” still contribute financially. and honestly, I’m frustrated because they’re planning to feed 50 people while barely having groceries at home. I literally had to door dash dinner to their family recently because they had no food.

at this point, I’m considering just mailing my nieces their gifts and stepping away from the whole thing.

aitah?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP received the majority of NTAs

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: Stop arguing. You offered a kids' party as your gift to your nieces just like the one for their 8 year old sister. That is all you are offering. Not an adult booze party. Your sister can take it or leave it.

If she doesn't want the kid party at a park or arcade she can do her own thing. Next time I suggest you do not make promises to children.

> OOP: I will no longer be making promises that I intend to keep but ultimately involve another, bigger decisive counterpart. (my sister) > > worst mistake of my life. my poor nieces are miserable.

Downvoted Commenter: I think it is very nice that you want to celebrate your nieces knowing their parents are broke. However, you kind of undermined the parents by planning a different celebration with the kids. I would offer my sister the amount of money you planned to spend on the arcade. Please do not use your money as a weapon. The kids have it bad enough

> OOP: I would never weaponize any money, I also wouldn’t just hand over $350+ to my poorly financially educated sister. it will be gone and nothing for the party will be bought.

Commenter 2: How did she issue invitations without knowing the venue?

> OOP: she used Facebook, apparently it doesn’t have you put a venue in, and you can leave it blank. she posted in the event and said the location is TBD.

Commenter 3: I wouldn’t go so far as to say YTA because you obviously don’t have to pay for a big birthday party, but it sounds like you have a lot of judgements and assumptions about your BIL’s family and are using your initially kind offer to impose those judgements and assumptions.

> OOP: they are not assumptions, I have known this family very well for about 11 years now. I’m only 25. they have been around for 11 birthday parties. it is always the same outcome. drunk, fights, drama and my nieces get about 2 gifts from 25 people.

Commenter 4: take your nieces out for a 'Birthday Day' & let your sister have the home party she wants. NTA

Commenter 5: "What are you doing planning such a huge event ON MY DIME when you can't even afford dinner?" NTA.

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Update: June 16, 2026 (3.5 weeks later)

so, update time since some people were asking for one.

for starters, I told my sister ahead of time that I will not be attending the party due to my brother-in-law’s extremely annoying family and I will not be helping with the costs because it is not what they want to do. instead of attending, I sent my nieces money over cashapp two days after posting the original post and agreed to take them to the arcade next week for another birthday "party".

my sister and brother-in-law took their money and used it to buy fast food for themselves, my three nieces and my brother-in-law’s aunt. so, there's that.

let's cut to this past Sunday, their birthday party. it stormed the entire time and about 45 minutes before the party ended, it got extremely humid and gross. their decorations were destroyed, the food was rained on, it was a mess. just as I assumed, there were about 30 people there and they received TWO gifts each and around $150 each from their grandpa (my sisters father), mine and my sister's great aunt and their aunt (my brother-in-law’s sister)... one niece had NO friends there because the storm and the other had a friend show up for about 30 minutes and left because of the rain. barely ANY kids were there.

my nieces are very much looking forward to going to the arcade and getting some boba. they seemed so disappointed in their birthday party, and I am genuinely upset for them. I wish they would have had a better party, but I will always strive to give them the best, even if I look foolish.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: So the nieces got nothing?

Why did you give them money instead of taking them somewhere? I think it was obvious to everyone reading this what would happen to it.

> OOP: we are very much still going to the arcade.. I said that in the post. I sent them money because they were going to the skating rink and wanted to buy some stuff. they didn’t get to go.

Commenter 2: Absolutely agree. How did she send money to a 10 year old thinking the parents WOULDN’T intercept it?

> OOP: they have their own cards through cashapp kid accounts, didn’t expect my sister to snatch it out.

Commenter 3: How about open a new bank account under your name and you hold the money for them until they are old and independent enough? Also for in the future if they have a job it can be deposit to that account.

Commenter 4: I don’t know if you can actually protect your sister’s kids from your sister’s lifetime of (?willful) financial incompetence. Their selfishness, short sightedness, greed and laziness seems endless.

Commenter 5: Clearly your sister is irresponsible as they are the sort of people to have kids when they can’t afford them but have the mindset of “family helps family” or some sort of other bullshit.

I agree with the other posts. Take them for a fun birthday day every year or every year it’s going to a shitshow.

I like the idea of setting up bank accounts for them in your name so their parents can’t touch shit.

Give them a yearly birthday budget of say $150, they can blow it all or spend $20 on a cheap meal and bank the rest. If they do this btw I’d personally just pay the full $150 so they get the concept of saving money.

At 18 years old they get the balance to do whatever they want with.

When they are 18 set up bank accounts in their name that their parents cannot access unless they want to commit fraud.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Positive-Rest6444

Originally posted to r/GirlDinnerDiaries

Original Post - June 6, 2026

DISCLAIMER: this is a lot to read, but it’s worth it. and had to post again!

two days ago…i got a text from my boyfriend, now ex boyfriend, who was upstairs in his room btw, that said “im done” followed with “should i find a new place to live?”…um okay? what. let me tell you, i was CONFUSED. me being in the headspace i was, i was begging him to have a conversation with me in person about this. all i wanted was for him to open his door and let me know what even happened. but this dude hid in his room and ignored EVERY text i sent for over an hour. he finally answered and said “i don’t think we’re compatible” along with “i don’t think this is working out for us anymore”… every message sent started with “i don’t think…”. like what? at this point i am sitting outside his door knocking, because why am i being broken up with over text after 5 years??? he proceeded to ignore me for another 30 minutes. his final text he sent me that night was “i think i’m done and i’m not even trying to be an asshole”…you know what, fine. so i went to my moms and SOBBED.

at my moms place, i cried for a good 30-40 minutes, then…i just stopped crying. i ended up being SO mad over the situation. 5 years and you broke up with me over text??? in the same house??? my mom was just as confused as i was. i debated on staying at my moms that night, but then decided i’m going to stay in the damn place i pay for too. i went back to our shared place and spent the night there.

my friend ended up calling me and was just as dumbfounded as i was (she never liked him that much, but understood him and i’s relationship dynamic). i think if she didn’t call me that night, i would have not felt the way i do now. she described our relationship in an outside view perspective, and oh my god…what have i been dealing with for so long???

now…i’m not saying i was perfect, i started fights sometimes, and nagged over certain issues, and there was a point in our relationship where i was on the fence whether i should break up with him. but i will divulge in the specifics later on in these paragraphs.

the following day we didn’t speak at all, i had the whole place to myself while he was at work. i took that time to look for places for me to move in to, thought more about our relationship, and just got even more pissed over the situation. once he came home from work, he went straight into his room and turned on the shower at 7:40pm (this is an important detail). i texted him at 10:23 pm, after being ignored all day, that “we needed to have an in person conversation tomorrow”. his shower is still running 3 hours later, and he ignored me the rest of the night.

yesterday morning i went downstairs to my kitchen and WAITED for him to come downstairs before he went to work so i could confront him about ignoring me. i stood in the kitchen for about 15 minutes before he came down. i said “why have you been ignoring me” in a nice tone, despite how i was feeling. yet i was met with such attitude from him, he said “i have to go to work bro, i don’t have time for this”…understandable, he had to go to work…i wasn’t expecting him to have that conversation with me right then and there. but the attitude??? you broke up with me over text bro, why do YOU have an attitude with me.

that pissed me off for the next couple hours. so i took that annoyance and found myself a 1 bed 1 bath in the same complex we are living in right now (just because i love the area, its nice and quiet, and i wouldn’t have to move far). i obviously would prefer to move out of this town, but nothing is available for a decent price nowadays. i also ended up writing a text that i would send to him if he couldn’t speak to me face to face that night. and then i just waited….

he gets off at 7:10-7:20 every day. he didn’t come back until 9:40. immediately he got home and turned on the shower. i waited an hour to text him if we could talk after his shower (shower is still currently running). this was the text chain, verbatim.

him: “i can’t should i find a new place to live?”
me: “we need to have this conversation in person”
him: “no we don’t”, “i cant”
me: “what do you mean you can’t?”
him: “i just can’t i don’t have the heart to”
me: “you have to get over that and do it anyway”, “i don’t want to have this conversation over text”
him: “there’s nothing to talk about”, “do i need to find a new place to live”
me: “yes there is, we need to figure out what’s happening with this place”, “you at least owe me that right now, once we figure that out we don’t have to speak again”
him: “what do you mean what does talking in person have to do with anything”, “wdym i owe you this was your doing?”

my doing???? YOU’RE the one who broke up with ME over text. anyway….

me: “an in person conversation about what’s happening to our place”
him: “what does that change and what does that mean”, “what is happening to the place”
me: “that’s what we need to talk about”, “that’s all i’m asking”
him: “what does that mean what can’t be talked about over text or me just texting the property people”, “i’m not talking in person”, “i literally can’t”
me: “are you serious”, “you can”, “this is a conversation that needs to be talked about in person so we can figure out a plan”
him: “i just can’t this is the best for both of us this is what you wanted for a while”
me: “i am not asking for you back or to stay together”, “i am soley talking about what the plan is”, “can we end things on a good note and figure out a plan”
him: “it’s not on a bad note there is no difference between talking over text what is there to even talk about with the place you can just text me it?”
me: “you’ve been ignoring me for over a day, i’d rather this just be in person”
him: “there is no difference? i’m not talking tonight i have a headache and im stressed”
me: “seriously, i asked yesterday to have this conversation”
him: “yeah i just can’t”
me: “when can you?”
him: “idk”, “what needs to be talked about in person”
me: “this is ridiculous right now….i’m going to find my own place, something is available next month that i am going to get, so either you stay here and i find someone to live with you, or you pay for this place on your own if you want to live by yourself”, “there’s more stuff regarding the lease that would be easier to talk about in person”
him: “i can’t talk in person and i know it’s ridiculous”
me: “so i need to know the plan”
him: “i’ll pay for this place my self until the lease is up”
me: “okay”

to start off, i am thankful he is willing to pay for this place himself until the lease is up, that takes a lot of stress off me…it’s a very kind thing to do, and i appreciate him for that. but…to not be able to have a face to face conversation with me after 5 years of being together??? that is so disrespectful.

now let me tell you all i have done for this man.

he is not a clean person, even before we lived together, i would have to pick up his room at his moms place because he wouldn’t do it by his own will. his “trash can” is the floor under his desk. he would throw his trash on the floor and leave it there for WEEKS, enough to the point where it piled up almost to the height of his desk. i gave him trash bags to incentivize him to throw it away, but somehow that trash bag ended up in a random corner of his room. his dirty laundry is always all over the floor, i even gave him one of my extra large laundry baskets to help him out. but clearly that never worked. he would sleep on his mattress without sheets for weeks if i didn’t make his bed. one day, i spent over 9 hours doing all of his laundry and putting it away for him, reorganizing his drawers, his closet, where he keeps his towels, and not even a week later, it was back to how it was before. i have had to scrub his toilet, shower, sink, and floor because somehow there was pee everywhere. back to the shower point, he would run his shower for HOURS…enough to where the pain has completely peeled in his bathroom from all the moisture. he would fall asleep on the toilet or bathroom floor. no matter how many times i told him to not run the shower for that long, he still did it anyway. now before i go further…i have ocd, i am a very neat person. i am not perfect, i sometimes leave a pile of clean clothes on my floor that i’m too lazy to put away for about a week, or have empty monster cans on my desk, sometimes i don’t do the dishes for about a week because i forgot about them. BUT i always ended up cleaning it up without being told. i spent the past year and a half of my life cleaning up after him, trying to help him manage his money better, and get him into good habits. i was his mommy. yes, he took care of me financially, but you’re a grown adult, i shouldn’t have to tell you to clean your room. i have two cats, why would i want them to possibly get into the trash on your floor and get sick.

one time i went on vacation for a week, i came back to the place smelling like SHIT. why? because since i wasn’t there, there was an insane amount of trash on his floor, smelling up the entire place.

this led me to not want my mom to ever come over, she came to our place maybe 2 times out of the year and a half i was living here. my mom is my best friend, we have a very close relationship. the fact i was too embarrassed to have her over tells me a lot.

despite the cleanliness situation, he would never spend time with me. there was a point in time for about 3-4 months where he was never home until late at night getting high with his friends, and then hopping on games with them right when he got back. i game A LOT, so i have no issue with the fact he would play games, it’s just that he would never make time to play with me. he would spend maybe 5 minutes with me in total everyday. it was absolute hell. i would tell him about it, and it was a fight every time. during that period we didn’t ever have sex. and his excuse was “my friend and his girlfriend haven’t had sex in a year”. oh i’m sorry? am i your friend, am i his girlfriend??? no, i’m not…so i’m not even sure how that correlates.

now i am not putting the blame ALL on him for the duration of our relationship. i dealt with a lot of stuff for so long that there was always resentment and issues. during the time he wouldn’t spend time with me, i picked fights just so i could get an ounce of attention even if it was negative. i sometimes wouldn’t speak to him for a whole day because i was annoyed i had to clean his room for him. there are plenty of things i did wrong, but i believe it all comes from a place of reason whether he sees it or not.

another thing was promises. i told him when we first got together that promises and pinky promises are held to the HIGHEST standard with me. if you promise me something, you have to follow through with it. if you can’t do that, then don’t promise me. he would break promises CONSTANTLY. he would promise me he’d clean his room, or take out the trash, or not take my drinks or food. in the past year, he hasn’t kept a single promise other than taking care of the cats when i’m gone. i slowly started to lose trust in his word. he would tell me things i wanted to hear then never act upon them. i shouldn’t have to remind you for 5 days in a row to clean the trash off your floor…after you promised me it would get done the first night. or i shouldn’t have to hide my drinks and food in my room just so you don’t eat them in one night, after promising you wouldn’t do so. from the broken promises, became lies, he would lie over little things…like getting high, or ordering food at night when we both promised we would eat better. he would shove door-dash bags under his bed and they would MOLD. and the ones that weren’t old, he would convince me that they were from so long ago, when the receipt would show it was ordered last night, or the day before. i have never lied to him in my life, let alone broke a promise.

i was never taken on dates, he never truly wanted to spend time with me (disregarding the past two months of our relationship, he spent more time with me towards the end, that’s why this whole thing surprised me). he never just planned anything for us for us to do. most of our relationship living together was me helping him be a clean person, being disregarded, and left alone.

i take this as a big win. this is not what i deserve. i don’t deserve to be broken up with over text while he is in the other room. i don’t deserve someone who can’t have a face to face conversation with me after the fact. and i deserve someone who wants to spend time with me without me having to beg for it. i thought i would be more sad over the whole thing, but i honestly just feel relief.

my little snack: açaí bowl with mango, honey, and granola in hawaii

UPDATE - June 18, 2026 (12 days later)

EDIT: here’s the link to my first post: bf of 5 years broke up with me over text while living in the same house.

So. This is my little two week update after all this went down.

Since that night, he has not spoken to me since. It’s mostly him hiding out in his room whenever gets off work or on his day off.

I have reached out to him over text for housing related questions, because….well, there needs to be SOME sort of communication. When I reached out, the question from him followed: “are you 100% sure you’re done?”, along with “is this what you really want?”. Yes, this is what I want…and NEED. You can’t break up with me, ignore me for two weeks, and expect me to get back with you!

With that….I FOUND MYSELF A PLACE!!! It’s a nice little 1 bed 1 bath with my own balcony! I move in at the end of the month! I am so excited to be able to be on my own, in my own space, CLEAN space, and be able to invite whoever I want over without feeling ashamed.

I have reconnected with people these past two weeks, and made some new friends as well! I have never been better. I am actively looking for a job at a vet clinic to help further my career. I have the motivation and confidence to do things now, because I am on my own. I was so dependent for so long that this is all so exciting for me. I am doing things I never thought I would do.

My skin has never been clearer, most of my anxiety went away, my hair isn’t falling out as much anymore. I have truly never been better. I am not settling for anyone anymore, I know what I want and how I want to be treated. I FUCKING love life!!!!!

Little dinner: SCALLOPSSS 😌

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/amithethrow

AITA for threatening to sue my parents for taking out student loans in my name?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Identity theft, financial abuse, probable malpractice!<

Editors Note 1: there are a few different student loan options: Federal Student Loans as well as Federal Parent Loans and Private Student Loans which go directly to the school. There is also Private "Direct-to-Consumer" Loans which goes straight to a bank account. (Its this one that OOP's parents seem to have used)

Original Post  Nov 20, 2018

I graduated college 4 years ago and I rarely speak to my mother or father. Maybe 2-3 times a year and even then it’s only for a few minutes, they refused to let me play sports in high school or have a social life and they’ve basically cut me out of their lives since I and about 75 other people got a city drinking ticket 7 years ago in college. Since I live about 800 miles away, I only go back to my hometown once a year either for Thanksgiving or Christmas, most years I stay with a friend or at a hotel, last year I stayed with my parents. No way in hell am I going back for either this year.

Just about 5 months before I graduated college, my parents bought a boat. I know they got a good deal on it and they have used it a lot. They took it out of the water for the season in early October. I’ve literally never seen it in person, just pictures from Facebook.

Last week I had texted my father (first contact since March) and let him know I would be able to make it back for Christmas. About a minute later he called and over the course of 5 minutes explained how he and my mother decided since their last child was about through college, they would buy a boat. The only problem was they didn’t have the ~$20,000 to buy it.

What was their solution? Take out a student loan in my name of course! My mailing address was always their house through college so I was none the wiser. Why was my dad telling me about it now 4 years after the fact? Because they can’t pay it back, they actually never paid any of it back. They kept putting it in forbearance but that ran out early this year. Fast forward 7 or 8 missed payments later and my dad tells me the only reason he’s telling me now is because he doesn’t want me to bring it up at Christmas and he knows it’s going to default in a month or two. His exact words were “If you’re going to make a big deal about this it’s best if you don’t come home this year”.

He also said it’s “about $25,000” is what I would need to pay it off. I hung up and just sat in shock for a couple of minutes. I called my brother yesterday and told him what was happening and that I think I’m going to sue them for whatever it takes to pay off the loan. I still don’t know what that amount is yet, I should probably find out by next week. I’m cool with my brother and he’s cool with my parents and I’m sure he probably talked to them because this morning I get a text from my mom just saying “Do NOT sue us”. I texted her back saying she would need to immediately pay off the entire loan and show me proof. She texts back that I need to grow up. Obviously I’m not even going to respond to that.

The boat is probably worth half of what they paid for it by now and with the hours they’ve put on it. I don’t know if they have the money or not to pay up immediately if I sue them but I figure I can at least garnish their wages. My other brother called and asked me to hold off a few months before doing anything that it was shitty of them to do that but to give them a chance to start paying if off.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

DDisseldr15

> NTA. ONE MILLION TIMES NTA BUT I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO SUE THEM BECAUSE WHAT THEY DID IS EXTREMELY ILLEGAL > > Your parents are the assholes and horrible ones at that. > > You and I are going to solve this problem though one step at a time > > * You don’t have to wait until next week to see what you owe. AnnualCreditReport.com gives you a credit report from all three of the credit agencies free once a year. If you want to see how it’s hurt your credit score and get notifications anytime things are added, taken off or your score changes, you can try a score and tracking service like this > > * FILE A POLICE REPORT** which I’m putting in big bold letters because you have to get the police involved unless you want to deal with this for years and have to live with the missed payments on your credit. Most police officers have seen it before and they’ll see it again. Be sure to mention the boat in all of this, if they bought a freaking boat just weeks after the money was loaned out, they look incredibly guilty. Make the report and get a copy of the report when they say it’s ready. If the police or the county decide to pursue it, your parents are going to get charged with a felony. They aren’t going to tell the police to “grow up” when they show up at their doorstep with a summons or a warrant. If you aren’t willing to do this then enjoy paying the loan back or dealing with bad credit for a decade or more because student loans aren’t even dischargeable in bankruptcy. > > * Send the loan company the report and send the credit agencies the report. You want everyone involved to know that you aren’t responsible for this loan. 99.9% of the time, they’ll drop the loan from your credit within a couple of months. At least you’ll be able to tell your mom that you won’t be suing them….because the student loan company will be suing them and the county might be prosecuting them at the same time. > > As far as the relationship with your parents goes, I’d say good riddance for a long time because once they get a hint that you are standing up for yourself from either the police or the lender, shit will meet fan. I don’t know much about your parents or their backstory but from what you’ve said, it sounds like your parents have real issues. Maybe this will give them a kick in the rear to start being decent human beings, or they’ll try to turn other family members against you for it. > > Edit: Lots of excellent advice in the comments. Yeah, the parents are getting in trouble but they might stay out of jail. I would also recommend checking out these subreddits r/stopidtheft and r/personalfinance.

~

athrowingway

> I’m an attorney who works with a lot of financial services companies. I cannot emphasize enough: FILE A POLICE REPORT immediately and do NOT agree to any kind of repayment plan. You don’t want to accept any responsibility for this debt, because it will make your case infinitely more complicated. > > Don’t wait to take steps to absolve yourself of all of this. The longer you wait, the more problems it will create for you.

Update - rareddit  Oct 25, 2019 (11 Months Later)

This update has a happy ending of sorts. Basically what happened is that I did end up having to make a police report about what happened. My parents weren't arrested but they were charged with deceptive practice. As part of a negotiated deal, they agreed to become responsible for the debt and they received 12 months of court supervision.

The student loan company removed the loans from my name then made it clear they planned on suing my parents and myself. My parents for obvious reasons and myself because I benefited from the crime (my degree). My parents and I spoke to a lawyer who agreed that they probably could come after me for at least some of the debt.

Our lawyer and their in-house counsel came up with a deal that basically said if I paid half myself, they'd forever give up their right to sue me or try to collect the other half from me. I wasn't crazy about the deal but it's cheaper than going to court where I'd likely be found to be jointly liable with my parents for the full ~$25,000 and attorney fees.

I paid my part of it three months ago and it's like I've never had student loans. Nothing on my record at all regarding it. My parents sold the boat for a loss and are making payments on the remainder of the balance. They've apologized to me pretty profusely about it and I do think they are remorseful.

As a cherry on top, my brother told me they opened a credit card in his name around the same time they took out the student loans. He only found out after going to purchase a house and the loan officer asked him about it. That was paid off in full before he found out about it though.

I speak to my parents maybe once a month now, more than in the past and our relationship is still fairly cool but not nearly as bad as what it was. Also, I definitely did not go to Christmas last year, I think I will be going this year though.

FINAL COMMENTS

TabbyFoxHollow

>.... you actually speak to your parents more now than before? WTF?

sammers510

>>This should be the main takeaway, Holy f'ing shit how crazy do you have to be to let these people back in your life? Their sorry now? Now that they were in trouble and legally required to make amends financially? What happend to "grow up?" and he ended up having to pay half? JFC I wonder if he's going to be surprised the next time his parents f him or his brother over?

~

IsitWHILEiPEE

>After all of this, how is your credit score?

OOP

>>Pretty good, no judgement, no collections, the student loan account is gone, like I never had it.

~

bruh31198

> 1) Youre awesome for giving an update > > 2) Where’s the juicy stuff. Did they apologize? You’re thinking of going for Christmas this year, are you just super forgiving or what? I’d be beyond pissed and maybe I’m just petty but I don’t think I’d forgive something so selfish and rude. Your mom telling you to “grow up” for being mad about them basically stealing 25000 from you and lying about it? that’s blood boiling territory lol

OOP

>>They did apologize and I think they really did realize how it could have really fucked up my life....

Editors Note 2: in the comments lots of lawyers were saying OOP got screwed on the deal, and his parents lawyer should not have represented both parties.

chantillylace9

> I’m an attorney in this area of law and vehemently disagree with that attorneys advice, You had a degree before all this which completely destroys that argument of benefiting from this. > > You did not benefit with a degree because of this loan and should definitely not be jointly liable. > > I don’t think that was a happy ending at all and I would have loved to handle this case. > > Sorry you got screwed but your parents and it sounds like your lawyer too.

Blewedup

>>notice it wasn't "his" lawyer. he and his parents went to the same lawyer. that lawyer, presumably hired by OP's parents, conveniently decided that OP should pay up -- which coincidentally benefits his "paying" clients substantially.

chantillylace9

>>>Yes it was “our lawyer” which makes me think OPs parents hired the lawyer and told OP that they lawyer would help them too. Super shady

Edit regarding why I may have been found jointly liable - My parents paid 50% of my rent my senior year of college, I also (unhappily while interviewing) lived with them for half a year after school. They asked for half and wiped it off of my credit forever. It's more than 50% of rent but I was done with it. I have a decently-paying job now and wanted to move on. I did a crappy job of wording it but they sold the boat for ~$9000 (paid to the lender), I paid ~$8000 (a little more than what half of my rent was) and they are making payments on their ~$8000. Apologies for not being more clear.

Edit 2 Alright maybe I should have gotten a different lawyer. I just wanted it to go away with no lawsuit. Looking like that was short-sighted. Overall, I'm ok with it. I never paid my parents back for the 50% rent in college, they were just going to let it be, I feel like I've made up for that now.

Really good advice in this comment if you're worried about it happening to you. Just don't get a shitty lawyer.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/meowmeowkittykat21

My friend/bridesmaid [28F] dropped out of the wedding/ended our friendship sent me [25F] a text months later... I'm not sure how to/if I should respond.

Original Post  July 13, 2017

Diane and I had been friends for 5 years and I thought of her to be one of my closest friends. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding last year and she was supposed to be one in mine this year.

Things seemed normal.  We work at the same company and had lunch most days, she went dress shopping with me and got her BM dress for the wedding, we got our nails done together regularly, her husband was super excited for our wedding, etc.  Nothing really felt out of the ordinary to me.

Then in Feb, she told me she couldn't be a BM anymore.  I initially thought it was a time/money thing but then she said it was bc she didn't feel like our friendship was in a good place and that our lives were going in different directions and there was too much rivalry between us. I honestly didn't know what she was talking about. I asked her what this meant then... Were we still friends?  Was she coming to the wedding as a guest?

She said she didn't know but still wanted to have lunch once in a while.  I told her I couldn't do that.  It felt too much like trying to stay friends with an ex.  If she felt so strongly about us then I'd rather not have a half assed friend like that.

So I deleted her number, threw out the trinkets from her wedding and such.  It honestly felt like a romantic break up haha.  But I got over it.

Today out of nowhere she texted me a screenshot of Facebook of a pic of my cat with a toy she bought her (hence she was tagged) 4 yrs ago.  It was one of those Facebook "remember this?" things and this text:

"I know you still don't want anything to do with me and that's cool but this came up on my Facebook news feed and I thought I would send it along. I almost forgot how little she was when you first got her. And happy anniversary with her because I know that was last week."

I feel like she makes it sound like I ended our friendship for no apparent reason.  I'm not sure how to feel about this and just haven't replied.  I probably won't, but I was just feel confused and maybe just needed to vent.  What do you thing?

tl:dr:  friend cut off friendship randomly and then randomly texted me again as if I was the one to cut her off.  Unsure how to feel.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

katkolos

>Dont get sucked back in

OOP

>>I don't plan on it. I summerized it here but there was a whole week of her going back and forth on being a bridesmaid and being friends. I had to pull teeth to even get the "explanation" that it did. It was such a terrible experience that I'm never going back to it.

~

LuvBamboo

> It appears that the rationale your ex-friend gave for ending the friendship didn't make sense to you, and her behavior then and now is really bizarre. > > You have every right not to respond. While it's purely speculation, it sounds like your ex-friend might not be all there.

OOP

>>I've talked to a few people about it (a friend, my fiance, and my hair dresser) and they basically said the same thing. I think it's best just to ignore the text.

Update - rareddit  July 21, 2017 (8 days later)

Hello there! It's been a week and I have some updates, so I figure I'd close the loop for anyone that was interested. First of all though, I'd like to thank everyone who commented and helped talk so sense into me. It really was a wake up call since these past few months, I just thought I did something wrong or it was a mystery, but as most people concluded for me, Diane was having issues of her own and took it out on me.

So, shocker, I didn't text her back. I just ignored it.

I did get some insight today though so keep reading if you're curious about that. So Diane and I have (I guess I should say had) one mutual friend left. Her name is Cindy (30F).

So a little background, Diane and I used to work in the same department when we started working at this company years ago and became friends. Diane would eventually leave the dept because she said she wanted to grow, but constantly still tried to butt in and tell me what to do. Last year, Cindy joined that department as I was leaving so the 3 of us became friends. Cindy is still in that old dept now.

So since the whole ending of our friendship in Feb, I've told Cindy I'm totally cool with her being friends with Diane and also stayed totally neutral whenever Diane came up, but today Cindy exploded to me over lunch about Diane and it all came out.

Apparently Diane has been feeling very insecure about her life vs mine and has been going for promotion after promotion whenever a job opened at the company and has been rejected every time so when I got mine, it was too much for her. She's also apparently been really upset about her weight (shes a size 16) and when I started losing weight for my wedding (I was a size 6 when I got engaged and am now a size 2), she was also upset. She's also upset that I bought a bigger house and a new car (paid in full) this year.

So why did Cindy tell me all this? Apparently Diane has been butting into Cindy's work also and also criticizing everything Cindy does (her diet, her dating life, her dog) and Cindy finally had enough and cut Diane out and wanted to vent this all to me since she knew Diane and I also stopped being friends.

tl;dr: So long story short? Diane is toxic and insecure and Cindy and I are happier without her. Happy ending after all?

FINAL COMMENTS

poopnado2

>Oh man. I hope Diane gets some help. I feel bad for her, but of course there are way better ways to react to your life going poorly than lashing out at your friends. She should be happy for you, or maybe even ask you for advice about her career or dieting or whatever. It must be hard to see your friends succeeding while you stagnate, but she ought to be looking inward, rather than comparing herself to everyone around her.

BelindaTheGreat

>>I've never pulled a Diane on anyone, but truth be told, I've thought about it. OP is not only more successful than her, but wildly so from how she describes it here.

OOP

>>>I think it is okay to cut someone out of your life if you feel you are unhealthily comparing yourself to them or just unhappy with them, but it would have been nice if Diane just told me this instead of making me feel like I did something wrong and left me with no closure for months.

not_homestuck

> I bet she knew it was wrong though. I mean, since telling you would've had no benefit (what would you have done? Quit your job/gain back the weight?), if she really couldn't get over the feelings she probably figured it was better to just part ways rather than guilt-trip you. > > That's a bummer though :(

OOP

>>I think I would have just appreciated something like, "I need to work on myself for a while." or anything like that..? All I got was a I don't know what's wrong and it's not that I don't like you but also I don't want to be friends but I kinda want to have lunch sometimes...

When OOP was asked is she is the competitive one and doesn't realize it when telling her friend about her accomplishments

> I stated all these facts because I am explaining a situation to strangers on the internet so I'm trying to be as descriptive as possible, but I obviously never mentioned this to her in that way ("you're a size 16 and I'm a size 2"). > > I obviously did tell her about these things that were happening because she was my close friend. You tell your friends when you get a new job or get a house. I never said, "Hey Diane, I got a house that's bigger than yours", but in this post I had to describe it to you strangers what the situation is bc to Diane and I, we both already know the sizes of our houses if that makes sense? So things sound more comparative on here than they were in our real life relationship. > > In real life it was more like "Omg! FH and I are about to close on a house :D"

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/viserya127

Originally posted to r/AITAH

AITAH I don't want custody of my sister's 3 kids?

Thanks to u/SmartQuokka for the suggestion!

Trigger Warnings: >!mentions of drug use, health issues, finance struggles!<

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Original Post: June 2, 2026

I (29F) have 1 kid (11F). My sister (32F) has 3 kids (11F, 8F, 6F). The oldest is also autistic. About 3 years ago my sister lost custody of her kids. The girls were split up in the system for a little over a year before our mom (52F) got custody 2 years ago. Over the last 2 years the girls have been really thriving. They're happy, healthy, doing well in school...

Recently my mom got some unexpected health issues that are severely impacting her mobility and energy. There is no cure. She called me last week to ask if I would take the girls, so they aren't split up in the system again. My heart sank.

I LOVE my nieces. There's no denying that. And my daughter loves her cousins. The kids all get along great. They live on the opposite side of the country, but I visit whenever possible. I'm always planning all sorts of activities and experiences for them, and encouraging them to pursue the things they love. The oldest loves art, the middle child loves gymnastics and the youngest loves Pokémon and video games. I plan things we can all do together and I make sure they each get one on one time too. I would die for these girls. But I just don't have the means to care for them full time.

My husband and I are considered a low income family. After a decade of saving, we finally bought a small 2 bed townhouse, but there's barely enough room for the 3 of us, let alone another 3 kids too.

I suggested my mom move closer so I can help more day to day, but she shot that down rather quickly. Her reasons were she didn't want to pull the kids out of their current school (but I guess it's ok if I do??), and with her health issues she didn't want to have to find a new Dr (that one is pretty valid, there's a serious health care crisis in my country). Us moving closer to them is not an option, we would both have to find new jobs and my husband's current job has really good benefits we can't afford to lose. My mom is retired so the only thing tying her to her current location is her Dr.

My heart is breaking. I don't want to lose my nieces to the system again. I love the relationship we have. But I don't see how I could sustainably take on the 3 of them full time. My mom and my sister have been calling me heartless and that I haven't fully thought it through, but I have. I've been thinking about it every day for over 3 years when my sister first lost custody.

TLDR: My sis lost custody of her 3 kids years ago. My mom got custody a couple years ago but now she has health issues and asked me to care for them instead. I don't think I have the means financially or the space.

EDIT: Oh wow I already can't keep up with the comments so I'm going to address a couple questions here. The dad is not in the picture, he has 2 other kids from 2 other women that he also walked out on. My sister is on drugs and living in a tent (but it's got a great view of the lake! 🙄). There's no other family that could help.

My mother is also low income, and her retirement funds barely cover their costs of living as is, but I will definitely be looking more into other resources and government funding. Thank you to those providing actual helpful advice and suggestions.

I am not in the US

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was unanimously NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: Why can't the sister regain custody at this point? it’s been years.

> OOP: She hasn't given up the drugs yet

Commenter 2: Someone who lost custody of her kids doesn’t get to have an opinion about my parenting choices. Where’s the dad? Because she & he let them down, not you. Time to be honest.

> OOP: The dad is a dead beat with 2 other kids from 2 other women

OOP on her husband's views regarding the situation

> OOP: He works 60 hours a week with an hour + commute. He's barely home unless it's to sleep. At the end of the day he supports whatever I decide, but I think that's because he knows it'll be me doing the vast majority of the heavy lifting

Commenter 3: NTA. What does your Mom expect? She is ok with 4 kids crammed together in one room to sleep in, 6 people to 1 bathroom?? And the emotional fallout of the change and everyone in a small space together as well as 3 more hungry people to feed a d clothe. Your Mom knows how expensive it is to have these kids, how does she expect YOU to do it? It’s entirely plausible to temporarily place them through a case worker while the family comes together to brainstorm any possible solutions even if the end result is still no. Your Mom has to know that it's not like you HATE these kids. The money and the resources aren't there. What is she expecting? Very cruel for people to dump it all on you and call you heartless. Not cool.. I’m so very sorry! You are doing the best you can. Huggzz🥰.

> OOP: Thank you! It's been a very long running pattern that I'm expected the pick up the pieces of every mess in this family. I've worked my butt off to give my own daughter a better life than I had. I would do the same for my nieces in a heartbeat if I thought I could actually sustain it

OOP responds to a comment on caring for an autistic child

> OOP: > > > it sounds like you haven't fully considered the responsibility of taking care of an autistic child and how draining that can be at times? > > She struggles socially, but she's incredibly smart and likes being independent. With the right guidance she's going to go very far in life. I have all the patience in the world for her beautiful soul

Commenter 4: NTA So your daughter would spend her teenage years sharing her room with her two three female cousins, who are highly likely to eventually have behavior problems from their trauma. And the boy cousin would probably be sleeping on the couch I guess? You can’t do this- it would harm your child, and your primary responsibility is to your child and your husband. Your marriage and your daughter would not come through this unscathed.

Edited to correct gender of the children.

> OOP: The kids really do all get along great. Whenever we visit my nieces say they want to adopt my daughter as their 4th sister. I get where you're coming from with the behavior issues from trauma, but my first instinct when my mom first got custody was to put them in therapy and she did. They really are thriving now. And my patience knows no bounds when it comes to those kids

Commenter 5: Certainly not TAH. If you asked child services to come take a look at your house and tell you if you could take in three more children and still have them thrive, I am sure they would say no. You don’t have the space, the money, nor the time to take in all three. Your mother can’t move closer to you, and you having just gotten a new place certainly can’t move closer to her. I don’t see a way in which this works without the girls getting taken again anyways.

That being said, my heart breaks for you and I’m deeply sorry. It’s not your fault. Can you still keep contact with them if they’re in foster care? Even just knowing that their family didn’t give up on them would make a world of difference I think. And what is your sister doing? Does she see the kids at all? Is she helping your mother in any way? Or is she out of the picture and just pointing fingers at you as the only person left? That doesn’t seem fair to me.

> OOP: My sister is not allowed to see the kids unless it's CPS supervised AND she can provide a clean drug test (which she can't)

OOP on if there are any other family members who can take in the kids

> OOP: The godfather (kids uncle) is dead. We all went no contact with the godmother (our cousin) after she married a pedo. My sisters only friends are just as reliable as my sister

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Update: June 29, 2026 (nearly four weeks later)

It's been a hectic month, but before I dive into the update I wanted to address a few more comments and questions from my last post that I was just too overwhelmed to elaborate on at the time. I'm sorry if it's a bit long. You can skip to the bottom for the update.

I've spoken to the kids case worker. She interviewed me when my mother was first trying to get custody to ask about my upbringing and ensure it would be a good environment for the kids. I reached out more recently to go over logistics if I were to take them in. The case worker told me she thinks I would be a great fit to give them a stable home, but I lack the adequate space needed to be approved as their guardian. She offered to look into low income housing options in my area that would be big enough, but the waitlists are unbelievably long.

Finances:

Yes, we would receive a decent chunk of funding per child (and twice as much for the eldest on the spectrum) to help cover the kids costs. But its money that I would be spending on food, clothes and other day to day necessities, not money I could put towards a down payment on a bigger house. That financial assistance also wouldn't be considered income as far as my mtg approval goes because its money for the kids, not me. And when I say we JUST bought a small townhouse, I meant we closed a little over a month ago and haven't even finished getting settled yet. It also took our entire savings to do so. We are financially sitting back at square 1 again. Breaking our brand new mortgage (not to mention the legal costs and realtor fees etc.) is not financially feasible. We also received first time home buyer rebates in our closing costs/ land transfer tax (thousands $$) that we would have to pay back if we don't live in our new house as our primary residence for at least a year. The rent prices where I live are about twice the cost of my mtg, so even putting aside all those other factors, renting again still just doesn't make sense. The math is not mathing. If I could just win the lotto my problems would be solved.

Luckily my husband has an amazing benefits plan through his work, so dental, glasses, meds, and even therapy are all covered and would extend to the kids if we got custody. All 3 need glasses and the youngest has a nasty habit of losing or breaking hers.

Caring for special needs:

I mentioned the eldest on the spectrum struggles socially and with emotional regulation. She's also incredibly bright and appreciates her space and independence. I spent a lot of time volunteering with special needs kids when I was in high school and I know how difficult it CAN be. My niece is not what I would consider difficult. She might operate a little differently, but it's nothing out of my scope. My daughter is actually very similar to my niece in all of these aspects and as I said before, my patience knows no bounds when it comes to these kids.

I'm also fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work from home when needed. I do have to go into the office a couple days a week for some tasks that can't be handled remotely, but it's flexible enough that I can be home for emergencies, sick days, or even if it's just to go see their school talent show or something. My husband on the other hand has a very demanding job. It's impossible to do remotely and it's not something he can easily call in sick from. Even if I had a huge emergency, he would have to wait for his replacement to enter the control room before he could leave.

Building resentment in my husband and daughter:

I've talked about this with my husband extensively since my sister first lost custody. He knows how much I love those girls and would support my decision to take them in if we could swing it. While I haven't talked to my daughter about it because I don't want her to get her hopes up over something that likely can't happen, I can say that she's begged me for a sibling every year since she was a toddler. She's had a really hard time with bullies at school, and her cousins are her best friends. She would happily welcome them all with open arms even if it meant being cramped in 1 room.

THE UPDATE:

My mom and nieces are currently visiting me (we're camping just outside my city), and we seem to have found our compromise. My mom is going to take the year to scrape together what money she can for a down payment to move closer to me. She's also going to ask her dr about referrals to a dr in my city. In the meantime, I've offered to take the girls during major school breaks (summer, spring break and Christmas). The house will still be very cramped during those weeks, but we spend the majority of the summer camping anyway, so the tight quarters aren't for very long periods of time.

My husband (I truly don't know what I did to deserve him) has offered to work as much overtime as he's allowed to help us replenish our savings and hopefully get a bigger place when it's time to renew our mortgage. My work won't let me do any overtime. On a totally unrelated note, does anyone have any advice or insight on how to get into selling feet pics? Asking for a friend 🤣

My sister found my original post and has been blowing up my phone with nasty texts and voice messages, she even made some wild Facebook posts about what a traitor of a sister I am. I simply don't have the energy to listen to her 2 cents on the matter so I'm ignoring her on all fronts.

We definitely can't take custody any time soon, but we haven't shut down the possibility of taking them in in the future when it makes more sense. I think this possibility is what's keeping my mother cooperative for the time being.

This will likely be the last update unless the plan for my mom’s move next year craps out (knock on wood). Thank you to everyone that gave genuinely helpful advice and support. Time to go swimming.

Relevant / Top Comments

**Downvoted Commenter: ** Renew your mortgage? A mortgage is a loan to purchase a home that is 15-30 years. Do you mean a lease? A lease renews yearly. Your sister should be thanking you for trying to take care of her children! You didn't take away her custody! Why does she think you’re a traitor? Makes no sense

> OOP: Our mortgage is 30 years, but it get renewed every 3 years

Commenter 1: Depending on where OP lives, mortgages can be renewed every few years, e.g. take advantage of better interest rates, switch from fixed to variable. Etc.

> OOP: Yes, this is how it works where I live

Commenter 2: Are you going to this over the kids heads? If this angers you don’t help them. It sounds like you’re more concerned about money. You don’t break a mortgage. You sell for more or rent it out for income. Kids need to know they’re more important than money

> OOP: I'm not more concerned about money than the kids. Money was the one thing everyone stressed in my original post, so I elaborated here to provide clarity. Yes money is a big factor, but the anger you sense here is you projecting. > > Where I live, selling or paying out your mortgage before the term is up is called breaking the mtg and it comes with very large pre-payment penalty fees. As I mentioned in my post, that's not feasible at the moment.

Commenter 3: Careful about the first time home buyer rebate. Many people found out the hard way it was a loan, and they had to pay it back.

> OOP: The FTHB rebate isn't a loan. If they had to pay it back then they either weren't a FTHB or they didn't live in it as their primary residence for at least a year.

Commenter 4: Your sister can kick rocks, you are handling this in the best way you can. Far better than me I wouldn’t be able to do this for my sister (and only one of her kids is a minor). Because it just wouldn’t be feasible since I can barely care for myself and I have to keep an eye on my father (brain damage and just overall declining health). Your sister should be grateful that you and mom are doing your best to find a way to make this work as soon as possible. People like your sister need to learn that not everyone can drop everything and take in family that they can’t afford/don’t have room for/jobs don’t allow for flexibility/can’t physically or mentally handle it. Especially when it’s children.

Commenter 5: NTA. Best possible outcome. It takes a village. Just make sure your husband doesn't overwork himself. He comes before cousins.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/Sad_Knee_6060

Originally posted to r/Marriage

My son claimed that my husband hit him and my husband denied it. Now he wants a divorce

Trigger Warnings: >!false accusations!<

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Original Post: June 22, 2026

My son from previous marriage is 13 years old. I have been married to my husband for 5 years and we have a newborn.

My son said that my husband slapped him and I kinda freaked out. I confronted him and he was confused (at least from his expression). He denied it vehemently and I kinda was not hearing it. He walked away from me.

After I calmed down after, I talked to him and he said that he didn't hit him and he has no obligation to prove anything. So if I want to be mad, be mad in another room. I did leave.

At night, when I joined him in the bed, he said he wants a divorce. He said that my son lied and he doesn't care why he lied. Whether he is jealous of him or want me for himself, he is not interested in finding out. He doesn't wanna deal with it and he doesn't want to be accused of something he didn't do. So he is out.

Here is the thing, I talked to my son in detail, and he is being evasive, defensive and I am seriously doubting him, but I do have the obligation to protect him..

Did I destroyed my marriage for nothing? What should I do? How do I know the truth. If my son lied than I need to deal with him and I am gonna be talking to him again and getting full story.

But my husband? He just left. I was not gonna leave him over just one slap without knowing the full story. He has never shown aggression towards him or anyone. I would have tried other methods first. Is that bad? Am I a bad mom for it that I didn't jump to divorce straight away?

I have tried to talk to my husband, but he basically said that he doesn't want to be painted as a bad person. It's not like he can prove his innocence. So he would rather not wait for another false accusation and just protect himself

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in the original post

Top Comments

Commenter 1: Yea he didn’t go nuclear over just this one incident. You’ve probably done this before and he’s not willing to lose his freedom over a false accusation. I don’t blame him either. You either get your kid help or loose a good man, but it seems like you already have. > > Commenter 2: Not necessarily but this is the kind of wakeup call that only needs to happen once. > > If the kid is willing to falsely accuse him of this (if truly a false accusation) what else is he willing to accuse the husband of? > > People's lives have been ruined by accusations like that, and nobody wants to feel like they have to be on guard in their own home.

Commenter 3: I get the husband's side. People go to jail or prison over false accusations all the time and if I thought I might get put away because someone fibbed, I'd bounce too. You pointed out he's not an aggressive person. You can't blame him for wanting to protect himself. > > Commenter 4: Plus if the kid gets away with it this time, the lies will just get more and more extreme. The husband is right to get out now.

Commenter 5: So your husband who never shown signs of being violent was accused by your 13 y old son, who according to you is evasive, and the first thing you did was to be aggressive on your husband instead of talking to him and not give him the benefit of the doubt.

And you can't understand why he wants a divorce?

Next time that your son (now that he sees that you act first and ask questions second) tells you he hit him again or worse, you will again back up your son without any hesitation or proof and he will end up in jail.

Your husband is protecting himself, and rightfully so given he has a kid to take care and 0 support or trust from you.

Commenter 6: All it takes is one false accusation to ruin someone’s life. My stepdaughter once accused us of doing drugs while we were in the middle of a nasty custody battle and it derailed our lives for months and cost us quite a bit of money. Were we innocent? Absolutely, and testing proved it but that could have cost us our jobs and could have cost me my kids if my ex didn’t know me as well as he does. It had a lasting impact on our family and there is still distrust and uneasiness.

So, yeah… your husband is choosing himself and I don’t blame him. You didn’t sit them both down and ask what happened, you jumped to accusing him. If his own spouse doesn’t care to find out the truth before making a snap judgement, why should he stay?

&nbsp;

Update: June 23, 2026 (next day)

I questioned my son again and he admitted to lying. He has never acted out this way and he is crying now. I am still processing it and figuring it out.

I apologised to my husband, and he accepted it but made it clear that he has no interest in living with my son. So he is gonna leave and wants equal custody for our 10 month old, who is still breastfeeding btw. So I was against it

He basically told me that either I just agree or he will take me to court. He would rather not spend the money on lawyers, but he will bankrupt both of us if he is forced to. Which has happened to one of our neighbor.

So I am pissed, sad and angry. I have reported your DMs, and I am gonna keep reporting if you keep harassing me.

For people who were nice to me, thank you for it. My life is completely destroyed and nothing I can do about it

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any relevant comments in the update

Top Comments

Commenter 1: I can’t blame him. If he stayed, he’d be forever living in fear of your lying son doing it again and you flying off the handle and taking his side without getting the info first. He’s making the right choice to protect himself. Your son’s lies and you blindly siding with him could literally jeopardize his future with his biological child as well if he was wrongly convicted of abuse.

Commenter 2: Something tells me this is the last straw in a long line of things your son has done. Get a lawyer and get your kid the help he needs.

Commenter 3: Husband is right to leave to protect himself. You were right to question him and protect your son.

It's just a shitty situation for both of you, This seems to be unpopular from the comments I have read but I don't believe you deserve the harassment you are receiving.

Commenter 4: Congrats to your husband. I wish him all the best.

If I could, I’d pay for all the beers at the bar for him to celebrate.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Nearby-Comfortable79

AITA for walking out of a dinner after being accused of supporting incest?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Biphobia!<

Original Post - rareddit  Dec 9, 2023

Hey. I'm posting on here because I need people's opinions on this. It's so fucking stupid and such a non-issue, (unless I'm wrong about that too) that turned into something bigger.

For reference, this happened on Thursday evening. We are all in our early 20s and all names are fake.

Thursday was our friend "Sarah's" birthday. To celebrate, our friend group decided to go out for dinner. There were about 10 of us. Everyone was in a good mood and it was really nice to just talk to everybody about whatever for hours, especially since I kind of had a stressful week.

Hours into the dinner, we landed on the topic of movies/TV shows that we were watching. Our friend "Amy" mentioned a show that I had also watched. As soon as she brought it up, I said that I really liked the show, and that the acting, writing and directing was top notch. "Mary" chimed in and said that she really didn't like the show and how she had been watching other things. Cool. To each their own. Mary then asked me how I felt about the main romantic pairing in the show. I responded that I liked it, and thought the romance was cute. This is where the drama started.

For context, I don't want to get too much into it because it might be confusing, but basically, the main romantic pairing is between the male lead and the female lead. There are some people who have interpreted that these characters to be related to each other. I do not. But I know that people are free to think whatever they want, and honestly thought that this topic was harmless. Well, I was wrong.

Mary took offense to me saying that I liked the romance. She asked me if I supported incest. I said of course not, as the characters are not related. She said that they ARE related and that me supporting their pairing is supporting incest. Mary then said that I should "educate" myself before saying "stupid shit". I was dumbfounded and thought she was joking but she was REALLY angry with me about this. She told me to rethink my values because supporting incest makes me a horrible person. I told her she was making harmful accusations over a TV show. Our other friends were telling her to stop, including Sarah, but she kept claiming that I was a disgusting incest supporter. She then claimed I was homophobic, since the male lead is bisexual but still ended up with a woman. Mary just wouldn't stop saying shit like this.

So here is where I may be the asshole. I left Sarah's dinner. My friends were asking me to stay but I felt uncomfortable, so I paid for what I ordered and left. Many of my friends reached out to me on Friday to ask if I was okay. Some of them, while they understood why I was upset, said that it was wrong of me to leave Sarah's birthday dinner and that I should have just ignored what Mary was saying and stuck around. I feel like they may be right and that I may have ruined her birthday by getting up and leaving, but I felt like I couldn't stay because of Mary throwing accusations at me over something that doesn't matter.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

HauntedReader

> NTA and Mary seems like she takes things FAR too seriously. > > I am super curious what the show is though. Do you mind sharing?

OOP

>>Loki

HauntedReader

> See this doesn't even make sense with her argument. It wouldn't be incest because the two aren't related, they're literally different variants of the exact same person. > > It definitely falls on the weird side of things but definitely doesn't count as incest. > > Also I'm going to assume neither of you finished the series yet so like I'm even more confused by this take.

OOP

>>I finished the series. I don't know about Mary. I know that they don't end up together, but the point is that even in season 2 the implication is still there. But Mary was just upset that they were romantic in the first place.

TOP COMMENTS

mmiggs

> Mary is a clear asshole. There's no question here. And a very stupid asshole, if she thinks that bi people ending up in a relationship with someone of the opposite binary gender is homophobic. (Clue: half of the people that a typical bisexual person is attracted to are of the opposite gender. You might actually expect bi people to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender significantly more often than half the time. If you're a bi man, then your set of possible partners are (for the sake of argument, and there's some simplification of sexuality here) gay men, bi men, bi women, and straight women. The largest of these groupings, by quite a long way, is the group of straight women. > > NTA

~

PurpleMarsAlien

> NTA > > Mary is acting weird. Attacking someone over fannish beliefs that are not part of current canon is being rather extra and over the top. > > And even if this eventually becomes part of canon, someone who like the couple when it was not canon, were not supporting incest. They would have been misled by the creators.

Update  Jan 3, 2024 (Nearly 1 month later)

Hi everyone. First, thank you all for your comments and advice on my last post. It's been about 4 weeks since the incident at the dinner, and I just wanted to give you guys an update if you're curious.

First off, I just want to say that I have no hard feelings toward my friends who said that I should've stayed. I get me leaving was probably the best thing to do in that situation, but their intentions were purely good: to make sure that Sarah enjoyed her birthday dinner.

I reached out to Sarah and apologized for what happened, and for me leaving so abruptly. She said that I didn't need to apologize and said that all was good between us. I took her out for drinks. We had a great time.

Now, onto Mary. Since the dinner, I have been texting and calling her, just to talk about what happened. So far, she has either ignored my texts and calls, or given me very short responses, either telling me that she doesn't want to talk to me, or that she's busy. Sarah told me that she also reached out to Mary, and while she was actually willing to talk to Sarah, the conversation pretty much went nowhere. Amy also reached out to her. Like many of you were wondering, she asked her if she was a victim of incest. I mean, It would make sense based on her reaction. However, according to Mary herself, no, she wasn't. As far as I know, she isn't bisexual either, so it just seems she's throwing a tantrum over things that have nothing to do with her. Or it's possible that she's been spending too much time in online fandoms, but who knows.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not OOP. The OOP for this post is u/throwraclassrooms. Her posts were made to r/family

Important Context: There was some confusion in the original post about which graduates would and wouldn't be honored by the church. The only graduates who'd be walking down the aisle to the graduation song would be the homeschooling graduates alongside their mother who homeschooled them, and those were graduated from public school would not

Trigger Warning: >!intentionally choosing to slight others, politics!<

Mood Spoiler: >!unfortunate!<

Original Post: (June 22nd, 2026)

I'm currently attending college out of state. I'm no longer religious and haven't attended church since I moved out for college at eighteen. The church in the title is the one I grew up in along with my sister. She'll be graduating this year, and I made plans to come home to attend two things: the ceremony at her school, and a Sunday church service where graduates are honored. I, myself, was honored with other graduates when I was eighteen, and the church asked graduates to wear their school gowns to church to walk down the aisles as they played the graduation song. Once everyone was on stage, the youth pastor announced each graduate by name, the school they graduated from, and what they planned to major in college. They then gave respective gifts for males and females, and the pastor prayed for us at the end. It lasted about five minutes, and a great many churches have their own way of honoring graduates this time of year. But for whatever reason, that tradition is being broken this year

When I was being honored, the church sent an email a few weeks in advance requesting that graduates wear their gown and submit a graduation photo to show on screen. This year, however, they didn't do that and sent an email explaining why. Instead of honoring graduates on stage this year, the church will honor homeschooling moms in the congregation, and there needs to be some context. Our church has a homeschooling group that meets in their classrooms for activities. The group is an official program of the church and is advertised on their website too. The email said that homeschooling is a "thankless job" and that parents who sacrifice careers to stay at home never receive recognition. So the church will honor them by having them come on stage in place of the graduates from recent years. Furthermore, the only graduates that will be honored on stage are the homeschooling graduates of the moms in the congregation who will supposedly come on stage with their mom. In years past, the youth pastor gave the sermon on graduation Sunday since most of the graduates went to youth group. However, the head of the church's homeschooling group will give a sermon about homeschooling instead

My sister is disappointed as are my parents, and we're wondering why they can't do both. Why not have the non-homeschooling graduates be honored on stage before honoring the homeschooling moms? What about potential homeschooling graduates who may feel embarrassed walking down with their mom and may prefer to walk down with graduates their age? Why must we exclude anyone when the church has been flexible with time in the past? There have been Sundays when worship was shortened because a baby dedication or something similar was taking place. They also do a very brief worship on Missionary Sunday each year when they pass a microphone to each missionary who comes on stage to say what country they serve, and there's at least 20+ missionaries. My parents are considering sending an email to one of the leaders along with speaking to one directly, and they also talked to other parents who felt similarly about the email. In addition to the email and trying to talk to a leader, would anyone have any suggestions on how to convey that no one has to be excluded? Church is the one place where you'd want to include everyone, and this seems to be a very avoidable mishap. Graduation Sunday is July 12th at our church this year, so there should still be some time

Update Post: (June 26th, 2026)

Something I forgot to include in my previous post was the reason our church's graduation Sunday was on 7/12. The last day of school for our school district was 6/27, and the commencement ceremony was the following week, so that's why. I took the advice many gave and asked my parents if I could co-write an email to the church with them (as other parents they spoke to were also considering). However, they suggested sending my own because two are better than one, and higher statistical numbers may change minds. I agreed and sent one expressing my disappointment as a former member who was honored upon graduating, and I included a powerful point that another commentator gave. Churches often have many kids who attend different schools, and each school has its own graduation. However, church graduations allow kids from different schools to be part of the SAME ceremony with the church as the unifying factor. When I was honored, kids wore different colored gowns from local schools as they walked down the aisle during service, and it was a beautiful representation of each school. I argued that by choosing not to honor non-homeschoolers, they were depriving kids who grew up in the church of the chance to be celebrated together regardless of school district. And if nothing else, isn't the point of church to bring people together? According to my parents, other parents sent emails in addition to in-person follow-ups. And the church sent a follow-up email a few days later

The email addressed how numerous people reached out asking that they honor non-homeschooling graduates too. However, instead of correcting course, they said they'd allow parents to send graduation photos to be shown in a slideshow on the foyer TVs that are often used to show announcements and whatnot. But that is the extent of their capitulation, which is pathetic in my opinion. I shied away from personal opinions on homeschooling and the church's motives (in my first post) because I deemed it irrelevant if a simple course correction could be made. But since they decided to double down on a decision to slight non-homeschooling graduates, I feel no need to hide those feelings anymore

As many comments stated, it seems as if the church is choosing to slight those who attend public school for reasons not said out loud. I personally believe those reasons relate to promoting homeschooling as a superior form of education based on two things. The church has its own homeschooling program, and it's promoted as a faith-based program. So I believe the church is choosing to exclude the "secular" public school graduates to honor Christian indoctrination instead. This is the reverse of the "Eradicating Anti-Christian Bias" BS. And I agree with commenters who pointed out that the current regime loves devaluing the US educational system, a regime that many Christians and churches have fallen in love with. And given how our church has veered into politics in recent years, that is my belief about what they're not saying out loud. They could so easily choose to honor all graduates, but they are choosing to intentionally slight non-homeschoolers

My parents and sister are disgusted to say the least, and we will not be attending that Sunday. I broached the idea of considering a new church, but my parents aren't willing to go that far yet. I think they'll change their mind, and they've talked with other parents who were disgusted too. We will instead go out for breakfast during the time we would've attended the service, but I'm taking it a step further. Not only am I going to make posts about the church's decision on my socials with screenshots of the email, but I'm also gonna blast a detailed email to all my ex-friends who received the church honor when I did. I'm also gonna email the local school districts and follow up with a call. If the church wants to intentionally slight others, then they should bear the weight of their decision. A part of me is even considering emailing the local news, but I'm not sure about that one yet. All we know is that we're not attending that Sunday, and I support my parents' decision because fuck the church's decision

_________________

(Comments)

(WheelsOnFire_1973_: "Is this a very conservative church that's pushing the trad family/trad wife narrative and public schools are bad because trans kids and vaccines? Because if so, the exclusion is the point"

(sunbear2525): "I don’t know what your political alignment is but I want to point out that this shift indicates that the church is fostering an environment in which far right ideologies thrive. This political alignment is, at its core, about destroying the US education system, ending woman’s rights to vote, removing child welfare programs and protections and fostering environments in which children can be exploited in every way possible without government intervention or oversight

I am not saying your church is full of bad people with bad intentions. Many people on the right are unaware of what they are being sold as freedom and protecting children is really about removing social safety nets and increasing the vulnerability of woman and children.Even if you trend towards the right, these are not traditional republican values. I would seriously question if there isn’t a church that is a better fit for you. I understand first hand how painful these decisions can be. A church is community and often a second extended family. However, it is important to surround yourself with people who truly reflect your values. You seem to value education. It is clear your church no longer does"

(SomewhatBougieAuntie): "My church honors graduates every year by calling their names during service and having a reception after service. It's to show appreciation to them for a job well done and to support and encourage their future plans. My church also gives scholarships to high school grads who will attend college or vocational school or trade school. Depending upon the number of graduates, these scholarships can be from the mid 4 figures to the low 5 figures each year. All the money comes from donations by the congregation. I hope OPs church "sees the light" and continues to honor traditional high-school grads along with home school grads. Because what they're proposing now is dumb"

(mn-mom-75): "There are 52 Sundays, why can't both be recognized? I think anyone who is disappointed in this decision let the leadership know. I was a homeschooled kid but my Mom would have raised holy hell if our church skipped over recognizing the graduates in lieu of a day about homeschool moms. Graduation Sunday was definitely something I looked forward to and still have a photo somewhere of my friends and I in our caps and gowns from that day. We represented 3 different highschools as well as homeschool, it was the one day we all got to be in cap and gown celebrating together"

(mcmurrml): "Someone took charge of this to send everyone a message. That's a crappie thing to do. This homeschool thing through your family's church sounds to me is their advertisement. You don't go through our school you won't get the recognition. They absolutely have room to honor the kids who went to either public or private school. Sorry OP. Whoever the decision maker is did this and are trying to send a message. This isn't a mishap. This was done deliberately"

(Difficult-Finger4830): "homeschooling is not a “job” and no parent should EVER receive recognition for a reason - unless you have legitimate Medical or family reasons to homeschool (moving around a lot, living in a super-rural area not close enough to a school), homeschooling is the dumbest thing ever. I won’t apologize for saying that some crunchy anti-vaxxer mom is unqualified to teach kids. There is a reason teachers get masters degrees, and it’s not because they enjoy accruing massive student loan debt. It’s because you need a certain skill set and knowledge base to teach children. This “honoring” of parents who intentionally crippled their children intellectually is the way of thanking them for keeping them in the fold and unable to function by themselves"

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Upset-Feeling-3507

AITAH for not wanting our groomsman to bring his horrible partner to our wedding?

Originally posted to r/TwoHotTakes

Original Post  Aug 12, 2024

First time posting in this and I’m really at my whits end here. So I (27 Female ) and marrying my fiancé (31 male) in a few months.

We had previously set a standard that if people hadn’t been in a relationship 6 months prior to wedding day they couldn’t have a plus one so we wouldn’t have random people at our wedding that we didn’t know.

Long story short, one of the groomsmen got a girlfriend and we can’t stand her. She is mean to him and others, controlling, manipulative, and just a horrible individual. We’ve tried getting to know her on 4 separate occasions and have not enjoyed ANY experience as she always makes it about her and they ALWAYS end up in a fight where they break up. (They’ve broken up 8 times in 2 months that we know of ). She got mad at him ( and screamed and yelled at him)  for talking to me about getting her involved and me inviting her out with me and my friends more all while she was actively dancing on other guys and intentionally making our friend jealous

She deleted every text I sent so it looked like I was ignoring her and went to him crying that I was ignoring her and that we weren’t putting in effort when I was! I have every text I ever sent her where I was being nice and trying to make plans with them.

Said groomsman brought up bringing her to our wedding and my fiancé and I discussed and ultimately said no and gave all our reasons why. She doesn’t respect us, me or him individually and she is not someone we want to surround ourselves with because the drama that comes with her is NOT something we want to deal with on the best day of our lives. (There’s soooooo much more she’s done in the multiple encounters we’ve had and the things he’s told us but it’d take forever to get through. )

He sent us a text and said he, in fact, WILL be bringing his partner or he will no longer attend. Before hearing our response he went and got fitted for his tux. Which made me even angrier that he thinks we’re just going to let him bully us into letting them come.

We are trying to decide what to tell him as he’s veryy important to my fiancé. Like family important.

So I guess I just need advice?  What should we do…. And AITAH for not wanting her there and getting angry?

Edit: the relationship thing 6 months before the wedding was so there weren’t people that we didn’t know at our wedding day that’s supposed to be surrounded by the ones we love! There are always exceptions and anyone who questioned the “rule” text or called and we had conversations and tried our best to accommodate. He was not given a plus one. And she very clearly does not want what is best for us. Our venue has a very strict guest limit so we had to make cuts somewhere.

Second edit: he did not start dating her until after invitations were sent and  +1’s were decided.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

kikivee612

> I guarantee that text was not sent by your friend, but his girlfriend. > > Why don’t you and your fiancé invite just him over and just lay it all out there and tell him exactly how you feel about this girl and how unhealthy their relationship is. > > Honestly, she’s not going to be around in another few months when you get married. They’ve been together 2 months and broken up 8 times? Yeah…they won’t be together.

OOP

>>We’ve tried and he agrees with everything we say but won’t leave the situation unfortunately:(

~

[deleted]

>I understand you don’t like her but she’s the groomsman’s significant other. After your wedding day he has to still deal with the fallout of his decision regarding her coming or not. I wouldn’t stay with a boyfriend that went to a wedding where I was banned. Most significant others would stand up for their significant other. Does she meet the 6 month criteria you set?

OOP

>>She does not. They have broken up once a week since the beginning of their relationship. ( no im not kidding or being dramatic. Literally once a week). And in my opinion I should want to be surrounded by people who love us and only want the best for us on one day in my whole life. She clearly doesn’t since she’s deleting texts and making it look like I’m ignoring her when I’m not and talking bad about me and pretending to be my friend only to scream at him because he and I had a conversation.

~

OOP

>She has made every single encounter we’ve had with her miserable. I do not want to risk that on what’s supposed to be such a happy day for us I guess is where my issue is!

SnarkingSnarker

>> I understand. Personally, I think I’d also prefer them both to stay home so there’s no risk of causing drama. You have the right to form boundaries on your special day. They don’t have to agree with it but they have to accept it. I just hope that it doesn’t cause a rift between him and your fiancé if he doesn’t show up. >> >> My boyfriend didn’t go to one of his long time best friends wedding as it was in a different state and he couldn’t get the time off to fly over there… and that friend never spoke to him again.

OOP

>>>I’m letting my fiancé ultimately decide what he wants as I don’t want him to ever resent me in the future! I also hope it doesn’t cause a rift! I’m so sorry about your boyfriend’s friend! I hate that so much and scares me which is why I guess I was seeking advice from people who don’t know any of the parties involved! Thanks for your response and best of luck!

Update  Oct 12, 2024 (2 months later)

Wow! I didn’t not expect so many people to comment and give advice!

If anyone is even reading this or cares, here’s the update.

So our wedding went amazing and was everything I ever dreamed of having. It was truly perfect. She stayed away and he stayed the whole time. Not as juicy as I know some were probably hoping. My (now husband) was able to celebrate with his favorite people without her ruining anyone’s fun. I did hear through the grapevine that she caused a bunch of drama when he met her out after the wedding, but at this point… who cares? Maybe that’s mean but they’ve pushed me to my wits end.

He hasn’t spoken to me since we told him she couldn’t come and has only spoken to my husband to get his things out of our shared house because he is… moving in with her :) so I guess misery wants company and they can enjoy being miserable and he can enjoy picking up his things that she throws in her front yard, calling him names, yelling at him in front of his friends and family, and just overall her being an absolutely vile individual. They need therapy separately and together but that’s not my place to say anymore.

Thank you everyone for your kind words, I married my best friend in the whole entire world and now we get to spend a life time together.

And yes, when they inevitably break up, he will have a spot to come to so he isn’t alone. We will always love him but at what point do we stop enabling? Thank you again everyone!

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/CloudySide7

Originally posted to r/TwoXChromosomes

My dad ate my birthday cake

Thanks to u/BakingGiraffeBakes & u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!controlling behavior, theft, misogyny!<

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Original Post: June 25, 2026

I've been seeing a lot of videos online about how men will weaponize food and how it's seen as acceptable for men to eat up a lot of food even if it means other people won't get any of it. That same situation happens a lot with my dad, but I guess I had assumed that since it was my birthday I'd get some of my birthday cake. This happened about two weeks ago but I'm still pissed off and really upset about it.

I made a birthday cake for my birthday which was two weeks ago. I had one slice of my cake the day of my birthday. Within 2-3 days the cake was gone. My dad ate almost the entire cake and left the empty container in the fridge. I had told him several times to slow down and even bluntly to stop eating it because he was going back for multiple slices a day. It was also in the fridge and later freezer, so it would've go bad. I was pretty upset about it and tried to complain about it to my mom, but she yelled at me that I was a bad person for "tempting him" and that it was rude abs cruel of me to leave food in the fridge and not expect people to eat it. I never said he couldn't have cake, I just wanted to have MY birthday cake.

I don't know what exactly it is I'm feeling about this whole thing. Sadness and rage I guess? I feel like I should be over it, but I keep getting reminded that I only got one small slice of my birthday cake before a grown man ate the entire rest of it. And it was a really good cake too. Sigh. I know I could just make another cake, but I'm still upset that I'll never get back it being my birthday cake, does that even make sense? I guess it's also the concept that I told him to stop and he still ate the cake. Also that he left the empty container in the fridge. Also it was a fairly big cake. It's not something that should have been gone in 2-3 days consider it's just me and my parents.

Guess I'm just venting but also wondering why is it acceptable for men to do this to their families but women are the bad guys for getting upset about it? Why is that it's okay for a man to eat almost his daughter's entire birthday cake but she's the rude one for being upset about it?

ETA: The reason I didn't eat cake in those 2-3 days is because I was constantly out of the house and doing stuff. I went to get a piece on the evening of the 3rd day and saw the empty container in the fridge. The pieces I had put in the freezer were gone when I checked as well. There was none left. I didn't think I needed for force myself to eat the cake those days because I kept seeing the container in the fridge

ETA 2: To everyone saying cake goes bad after 2-3 days, the cake was in a container in the fridge. That makes it lasts longer, and a simple Google search will tell you that generally speaking cakes can last 5-7 days if stored properly. It was literally in a cake container (the kind they sell to keep cakes fresh longer)

ETA 3: I know I literally said it was a bit of a trend to see these stories posted around, but I'm actually still shocked about how many people have either a very similar or the exact same situation happen to them. And I will say I know it's not all men, I have a primarily male friend group, so I definitely know that majority of men are not like this. I was more so saying that this specific mentality only seems to be present in men and that I never see women doing this. It's not all men but it always seems to be a man.

Editor’s note: OOP has made lots of responses, I am listing some for more context that were not mentioned in the original post

Relevant Comments

OOP on the birthday tradition and cake

> OOP: > >> My dad loved ice cream cake. I loathed ice cream cake. > > Honestly my entire birthday was just this. I wanted a chocolate pistachio cake, he didn't. I ended up getting a vanilla cake which he wanted. I didn't want any ice cream this year and he complained, then went out and bought himself an entire tub of sherbet so he could have ice cream since I "didn't get any for him". > > In my family the birthday person picks a place to eat on their birthday. I wanted Indian food. My dad hates Indian food so that was out. I wanted Middle Eastern food as my second pick, he didn't so that was now out. Eventually I said let's go to Cheesecake Factory, which he agreed to but then complained about the whole time. > > In my family birthday person also picks a movie and the family is supposed to all go see it. I picked Backrooms. He didn't want to see it and since I refused to budge he said he didn't want to come along so I ended up seeing it by myself

Commenter 2: It's also a bit telling of your parents' attitude toward you that you had to bake your own birthday cake.

> OOP: I had just wanted to buy a cake already made but both of them threw a stink about it. My dad threw a fit because he didn't like the kind of cake I originally wanted, and my mom threw a fit because she doesn't like how store bought cake tastes. So I just changed the flavor and made it myself to try and keep the peace

Commenter 3: The putting back the empty container baffles me. How old are your parents?

As a mom, I’d never eat all of something before checking if everyone else had their share. I know my husband does the same. It’s very upsetting when you are looking forward to food and later find that you can’t have it because someone else ate it or even threw it away without asking you first.

You’re not just upset about the cake but the inconsiderateness of all of it. Don’t feel bad for not “getting over it” because it’s not just about the cake but the idea that your dad didn’t even think about your feelings when he ate all of it knowing he had multiple slices and proceeded to take the LAST one and leave the container for you to find.

I’m so sorry. I hope he has the decency to buy you a new one. Or take you out to get a special slice at a nice bakery. Please know that you deserve to be treated with consideration, and I hope you have people in your life that will do that for you, even if they are people you haven’t met yet but will be part of your life in the future.

> OOP: > >> How old are your parents? > > Both are elder Gen X born in the early 1970s > >> your dad didn’t even think about your feelings when he ate all of it knowing he had multiple slices and proceeded to take the LAST one and leave the container for you to find. >
> He left a bunch of frosting in the container, so I was literally digging through it to see if there was any actual cake left and he yelled at me for that. > >> I hope he has the decency to buy you a new one. Or take you out to get a special slice at a nice bakery. > > They won't. Neither of my parents will because they both say I'm being a greedy brat for being upset about this

Commenter 4: Sounds like you need your own fridge with a padlock

I had the same issue as my dad because men don't fucking think, they just go by their base emotions, in this case I see food I eat food.

I talked to my dad and raised a stink and he stopped, if yours won't then a mini fridge is a good options

> OOP: I asked for a mini fridge, but my parents said no, sadly. I'm only here for the summer since I go to college the rest of year. > > I've tried to talk to him about this. I've been polite, I've been firm, hell I've actually been mean about it just to try and get my point across, but he always screams at me and then gets my mom to lecture me about "making a big deal out of nothing" and "tempting him with food"

OOP on her father and her birthday cake

> OOP: He actually didn't even bother to show up for when I did blow out my candles😭 Didn't want to sing happy birthday or watch me blow out my candles but could show up to eat my entire cake

Commenter 5: I'm sorry, HE DIDN'T LIKE THE KIND OF CAKE YOU WANTED... on YOUR birthday.

I don't know if this is intentionally rage-baiting us at this point, because your parents are both behaving like total assholes. Big yikes also that your dad either has

(a) binge eating disorder (b) zero self-control of his most basic impulses, or (c) zero respect or consideration for you.

Possibly more than one of those.

Personally I think you should bake another cake, and tell them loudly and specifically not to eat it as it's YOUR replacement birthday cake, and spike it with surprise ghost chillis.

> OOP: I fully believe he has BED because he hordes fast food wrappers. It's not the first time he's stolen food from me. > > I got a box of protein bars for Christmas (it was a box of 12) and he ate them all and left the empty box in the pantry. Then screamed at me for being upset about it and asking him to replace them. I used to go to Crumbl Cookies more often, and he would eat the cookies I bought with my own money. When I was still in school and buying snacks to bring with my lunch he would eat the entire pack. My mom likes to make large portions of food so we can live off leftovers for the week, and he eats it all in a day or two.

OOP on getting a job to support herself

> OOP: They won't let me get a job while I'm under their roof. I have no savings, no friends that could take me in, no way to get money since I have no car and need their permission to leave the house and the town we live in.

Did OOP get to celebrate her birthday away from her parents?

> OOP: I got to go out with my friends, and there's a boy I like who wished me happy birthday so that was nice! I got to see a movie the following weekend so that was also nice

OOP's background

> OOP: White, deep south America

Commenter 6: Your mom blamed you, too, for tempting him? If I were you, I’d literally make the most fattening/sugary, calorie dense cake I could find a recipe for, and keep it stocked in the fridge for the rest of the summer. Sorry if that’s too petty but I treat myself for my birthday too, so I get it.

> OOP: Her exact words were "You just like to be mean and cruel. You leave food in the fridge that he likes and just expect him to not have any of it knowing he likes it, and then you throw a temper tantrum after tempting him with it"

Commenter 7: Let me guess. He doesn't ever cook or bake a damn thing?

> OOP: Correct. When he does cook he makes it how he likes (which for him means no seasonings at all because according to him it "ruins food") and then yells at us if we don't like it or complain

&nbsp;

I got my cake! (Post update from the birthday cake girl): June 28, 2026 (three days later)

So, hello. I'm the girl who posted a few days ago about how my dad ate almost all of my birthday cake while I only got one slice.

Things between me and my dad are still not really on good terms. He had a flip out on me the night of my post because he (the man who never cooks) was hovering over me while I was cooking and trying to micromanage everything I was doing. He was constantly opening the oven after I put stuff in there and repositioning it, lecturing me about what seasonings I was using, asking me repeatedly if I was sure I knew what I was doing. I hate when people hover over me when I'm doing stuff, so this really bothered me. I calmly told him I didn't need help and that I could do it myself. He then went on a rant about he was trying to "educate and help me" and if he wasn't wanted then he would just leave. I repeated that I didn't need any help and he proceeded to take the pot holders I was using and make a show of throwing them across the room before he stormed off.

I told my mom and she just sighed and said that I probably "caught a tone" with him even though I didn't. I admit that I can sometimes catch an attitude (I'm 19, I think I get a bit of a pass lol) but I swear that this time when talking with him I was calm and levelheaded, I made a point of that when I was telling him I could handle the cooking. So yeah, dad is still a giant toddler, and mom is still an enabler.

Anyways, back to the actually good news and point of this post. Day of my post I ended up borrowing the car later in the day and buying myself the cake I originally wanted for my birthday. It was a Walmart/Marketside cake so nothing special or expensive. It was small so it's all been eaten by now lol but OMG it was amazing!

My mom didn't really care for it because it was store bought and my dad outright refused to touch it. He complained about the flavor of the cake and also said he wasn't going to "set me off" by eating it. My mom did unfortunately make me go bring him a slice and apologize for making him feel that way, which my dad thought was hilarious. He ate the cake despite complaining about it, go figure.

So yeah, while this update isn't things getting better with either of my parents, especially not my dad, I did end up taking the suggestion of a lot of people and just went out and bought the cake I originally wanted.

ETA: I also saw that my post was reposted on TikTok, so that was quite the surprise to be doom scrolling and then hear a "Reddit Storytime" of my own post, lol.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: It’s really sad that your mother just accepts this kind of bullshit from him and thinks you should too. Does she not want men to treat you right?

You don’t need to keep contact with these people after you move out if it’s not adding anything to your life.

There’s a r/raisedbynarcissists, I found it helpful when I left my shitty parents. My dad was an unemployed food thief as well.

> OOP: > >> Does she not want men to treat you right? > > I hate the pull the "it's just how things are in my family" card but there's a lot of mean and toxic men in my family. My whole family is a bunch of addicts or untreated mentally illness, and nobody talks about it outside of the "oh we're all crazy haha" joke. > > There was an incident where my mom set me up with a guy, we dated for over a year, and he dumped me for not sleeping with him and my mom was on his side at first and wanted us to get back together. She eventually came around to my side, but it still hurt.

Commenter 2: I’m so mad for you that you have to put up with this fucking bullshit. You deserve better than this. I’m glad you bought your own cake to make yourself happy, but holy shit everything else in your post made me livid. > > OOP: Yeah, I think I was just used to it during my teens years, then I moved out for college and it's making everything affect me a lot more. It's like I got desensitized from my desensitization. > >> Commenter 2: So you said you’re 19, are you (hopefully) at your parents’ house just for the summer? >> >>> OOP: Yep. Just summers and the winter break when school makes us go back. Probably going to spend Thanksgiving, Easter and Mardi Gras break at school

Commenter 3: good for you! it’s also good that you are clear on who your parents are. you can just observe your dad throwing his tantrum, and your mom adjusting his pacifier, and keep a blank face.

save every dime you make in an account they can’t touch and plot your escape. living alone someday is going to be glorious.

> OOP: I can't wait to live on my own one day. I also can't wait to one day have my own kids and have them grow up in a house with parents that act like adults

&nbsp;

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA-000000

My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding.

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

BoRU 1 Posted by u/bestupdator

TRIGGER WARNING: >!racism!<

Original Post Feb 11, 2020

We met in the summer of 2018 and got engaged last year. Although our relationship is pretty solid, she can be very hotheaded. For example she gets upset when things don’t go her way and takes it as a personal insult. It’s definitely a “princess” syndrome that can be difficult to deal with but it never caused serious issues.

A couple of months ago she told me that I will get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said no and she straight up told me that “it’s not a choice”. We argued for a bit and she said that I wouldn’t be attracted to her if she had an “outie” vagina with “extra skin” hanging (her words, not mine). I told her that it’s not really the same thing at all and that I’d be attracted to her regardless. However she got very irritated ignored me for the rest of the evening.

She has not stopped talking about this since that day. Everyday she sends me articles talking about the benefits of circumcision, that it’s totally healthy/safe and why I should do it. She says that “civilized” men get circumcised and that “we’re not like those Europeans”. The thing is, she’s mixed race (half French) and grew up in France so I don’t understand her thought process here. Her ex was French but she repeatedly said that she dislikes French people and wants me to be “better” than that. According to her, that includes getting a circumcision.

Yesterday she brought it up again and I said that she has no right to tell me what to do with my body. She yelled that she spends a lot of time/effort into her appearance and isn’t asking for much in return. While it’s true she spends a lot of money on beauty/hair/facial treatments (around $800 a month) I don’t think you can compare that to a circumcision. She got very upset, calling me “selfish” and “heartless” and basically told me to fuck off. Normally when we argue she doesn’t get that heated but I could hardly tolerate her attitude yesterday.

Later that evening we had sex (yes...I’m stupid) and in the middle of it, she brought up the topic again. It felt very manipulative and when I told her that this is not the right time, she accused me of not loving her and actually started crying. Since she rarely cries this didn’t seem genuine. She got up and told me that “we” will get this done either way and that I shouldn’t let such a small issue ruin what we have. To be honest, that sounded ominous and I don’t even know what to think of it.

Is this something we can work out at all? Throughout our entire relationship she never complained about my uncircumcised penis and now it’s such a big deal to her. It’s giving me anxiety about our future and I don’t even know what to do. We’ve had so many discussions about it and it always ends the same way.

TL; DR My fiancée wants me to get circumcised before our wedding later this year. I said I won’t but she keeps bringing it up and trying to make me feel guilty. Is there any way we can solve this problem?

TOP COMMENTS

AmensFuror

>This relationship sounds hellish. I can't imagine wanting to stay with someone who makes such demands, and who cries during sex in an attempt to influence me. What are you doing?

OOP

>>I’ll be honest, I don’t know

AMarmaladeSandwich

>>> If you don't know, there's no way you should be marrying her. >>> >>> She's showing you who she is, I think you should believe her.

~

Leohond15

> WOW. This girl sounds absolutely awful. It's bad enough to try and pressure your partner to change their appearance in small ways, but she's trying to force you to get an unnecessary procedure on your dick. And harping on it! Her tears were 100% manipulation. You need to tell her that you are absolutely not altering your body for her ridiculous preference, and i it bothers her that much you will leave (and you should). This is a woman that doesn't respect your bodily autonomy, and therefore doesn't respect you as a person. I honestly don't think this relationship will last, and if you stay with her or god forbid go through with this, you're setting yourself (and potential future children) up for a lifetime of emotional abuse and being controlled. > > I have to add too that I find it pretty strange she's been presumably fucking you for quite some time now and is just insisting you get circumcised now that you're about to be married.

OOP

>>That’s what I don’t understand. When we first had sex she didn’t even comment on it. This came out of nowhere and I don’t understand why she didn’t bring it up earlier.

Leohond15

>>>Did you ask her why she suddenly feels this way? I mean, I don't think the answer will change what I think about her or that this won't last. But I'm genuinely curious.

OOP

>>>>I asked her but she won’t give me a reason. She just says that it’s her preference and that discussed it with her friend

Update Feb 18, 2020 (1 week later)

I don’t know where to start but I’d like to thank everyone on here first. I have received countless PMs, all pretty much saying the same thing. Yet I still wanted to work out things and marry her.

Then a few days after my post we had a huge fight. She threatened me. I won’t give too many details but it was more than enough to give me a wake up call. And that’s when I finally realized that this relationship isn’t healthy or normal. I had those thoughts before but her action that day confirmed it.

Right now I’m in the process of completely removing her from my life. That incident had a significant impact on my mental health and at this point I just need a long break. I have spoken to her parents in private and they’re almost begging me to rethink the whole situation. I won’t.

I still love her but couldn’t do this anymore.

It’s a shock to the system - I went from planning my future with her to now actively cutting off everything that connects us.

I read through all comments again after the incident and they put things into perspective. Thank you again for all the advice and PMs.

TL;DR We are no longer together.

Edit: Post got locked I guess. Thanks for all the kind PMs. (But...please stop asking me to rate the sex out of 10)

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwaway-ww24

Originally posted to r/amiwrong

Previous BoRUs: #1, #2

[Old New Update]: AIW - My friend told me she loves me 4 weeks before her marriage

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Trigger Warnings: >!death of a spouse/parent, physical violence, emotional infidelity, assault, possible emotional manipulation!<

---

RECAP

Original Post: January 3, 2024

My (35M) friend Brie (35F) just told me she loves me 4 weeks before our marriage, and I am not sure what I am supposed to do here. I want to know if I am doing the right thing.

To give some context, I lost my wife 2 years ago. I have a 5-year-old daughter. I have not dated in the last 2 years because I have major trauma from losing my wife. I still love her a lot and don't think I am ready to move on. I invested all my time in my daughter (who looks exactly like her mother) and my work to keep my sanity for the last 2 years.

I have been friends with Brie since we were in elementary school. We lived in the same neighborhood growing up and were best friends. She is an awesome person, and we were inseparable growing up. The weirdest part was we had completely different personalities. She was very outgoing and always had a lot of friends. I am a big introvert and Brie along with a few friends was all I needed. Brie was a serial-dater, and I don't remember any time since middle school since she was single. Brie and I never dated though.

Brie and I also went to the same college. She never had a stable boyfriend, but just jumped from one relationship to another. I, on the other hand, did not date seriously until I was in my junior year. When I met my wife, she was a freshman and we hit it off instantly. We fell for each other and spent all our time with each other. This strained my relationship with Brie as I would generally hang out with my wife instead of her. That was the time Brie, and I slowly started drifting apart.

After college, I moved to a different town for my job, and Brie and I occasionally messaged each other, but nothing beyond that. Brie attended my wedding and that was the last time I saw her. We kept in touch, but mostly by commenting on each other's pictures or keeping each other updated on significant life events. Brie did reach out to me when my wife passed away, and we talked on a phone call.

Last year, Brie and her fiancé moved to my city. I was still grieving, and both have been amazing support for me and my daughter. My daughter loves dancing, and Brie helped me enroll her in dancing and gymnastics classes and sometimes takes her to them. I also became good friends with her fiancé, who is indeed an incredibly good man. My daughter also loves Aunty Brie and Brie sometimes helps me babysit.

Last week, Brie came to my house and asked if we could talk. Her tone sounded serious. She told me that over the last few months, she feels like she has started to develop feelings for me and is not sure anymore if she wants to go ahead with the wedding. She felt I also had started developing feelings for her. I told her that I am not ready for any relationship before I can deal with my mental health (for which I go to a therapist regularly). She tried to convince me that she loved me, we are soulmates, and she felt that we were meant to be together. However, I do not have the same feelings for her. I love her as a friend, but nothing beyond that. We were both emotional, but she said she was glad we talked about this. She left after that.

Brie called me that night and told me not to talk about our conversation to anyone. I thought a lot about it and decided that I would not tell her fiancé about B and my conversation from last week. I feel it's their relationship, and I do not have the right to ruin their moment if Brie decides to go ahead with the wedding. However, I feel guilty that her fiancé does not know anything about this and is going into a marriage where Brie might not be fully ready for it.

Can you guys give suggestions on what I should do in this case? Am I wrong for not telling her fiancé about our conversation?

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Update #1: January 30, 2024 (27 days later)

A month ago, I (35M) wrote a post regarding my friend Brie (35F) telling me that she loved me, only 4 weeks before her wedding. The last month has been crazy, and my whole world has turned upside down.

Again for context, I lost my wife 2 years ago and we have a 5-year old daughter. Brie and her fiancé Jason (~33M) moved to our town a year ago, and we have reconnected as friends and they have done a lot to cheer me up during this year, and bring my life to normalcy. After Bree told me that she loved me, I told her that I was still not ready to move on as I still miss my wife. She said she understood, and I did not hear from her or Jason for a few days. The guilt was killing me, as I was not sure if I should tell Jason about what she told me. Thanks to everyone who commented on the post, it helped me think the situation through.

I finally called Brie after a few days and asked her to meet me for lunch. I talked to her and asked her if she was going ahead with her wedding. She broke down and told me she was not sure. I told her that she should at least talk to Jason regarding her feelings and not be dishonest with him. I also assured her that I would not say anything to J, but I just wanted her to be happy. She said she understood and left.

That night I put my daughter to sleep and was watching TV. Around 9.30 pm, I heard a loud knock on my door, and it was Jason. I opened the door, and he was in tears. He started yelling at me and asking me why I had to steal Brie out of all the people. I tried to calm him down, but he just kept on shouting. I was trying to get him to sit down on the bench on our porch. I told him my daughter was sleeping upstairs, but he slowly was getting more and more physical. He punched me in the face, and I was able to push him off. I told him to get out of my house, and he sat in his truck and drove away.

I immediately called Brie, and she was crying and did not sound well on the phone. She told Jason that she could not marry him, because she had feelings for me. I was really scared for her, after the physical altercation with Jason, and told her to gather some clothes and get out of the house. She did that and came to my place. I just didn't feel she was safe with Jason. I consoled her for almost 2 hours and was able to get her to sleep.

The next morning, we had to call her parents to let them know about what had happened. Brie kept a brave face, but I could see how much she was hurting. Her parents asked her to take a few days off, and immediately come back home, and she did take a flight in the evening to go home. Over the next two weeks, the wedding was called off. Brie and I were talking every day, and she was just very exhausted. She talked to Jason a few times and kept on asking her to take more time to think. However, I think Brie just wanted to get out of it and decided to just break it off with Jason.

Currently, Brie is staying with us for the last two weeks. She still has a job here and started going back to work last week. I have talked to Brie in detail about what happened. Brie told me that Jason and her were dating on and off for the last 4 years. Jason is not very career-oriented, and Brie is very good at her job. She felt he was a nice and reliable person, but was unsure about him from the start. She felt that she was not getting any younger, and hence they decided to get married. When she heard about my wife passing away, she just felt really bad and wanted to be around me to comfort me. When she got her big promotion, which meant she could work in a corporate office, she immediately chose my city and moved here. Jason also moved here and got a new job. She never had any romantic feelings for me back then. As she started hanging out with my daughter and me, she started feeling the bond we shared when we were growing up. Except, I was the broken one and she was taking care of me. She said that she realized that she was enjoying her time with us, more than with Jason. She realized she made a mistake with Jason, and what she wanted was right in front of her. Hence, she slowly started thinking about me in that way and finally told me about it. She knew her relationship with Jason was over the moment she confessed to me. It's a shitty situation, but I am glad that she realized that before getting married vs. after.

As for Jason, I feel bad for him. He is moving back to our hometown closer to his family. He is currently in their apartment and will move sometime next month.

I know a lot of you would be curious if we were dating. We are not dating. I don't think I can date anyone right now and neither should Brie. She is my friend, and I am happy that she is staying with us, and plans to be here until everything is sorted out. My daughter loves having Auntie Brie around too, so that's a bonus. Plus, it's really nice to see her slowly get back to normal.

Thanks again for helping me during my last post. Cheers.

Additional Information from OOP:

> OOP: One of the comments from the original post from u/mid40smomof3 really stuck out to me when I was trying to decide if I wanted to tell Jason myself about what Brie told me. Following is the comment. > >I would not share your conversation. I'd also find a way to pull away from spending any time with her that also does not tear her out of your daughter's life. Not that she is or ever will replace your dear wife and your daughter's mother because that is impossible. But your daughter at a young age had already lost her mom and I'd hate to see her traumatized by having another woman in her life abruptly leave. > >My daughter really loves having her around and I also do not want her to lose Brie. I have thought about the pros and cons, and I feel I am happy she is staying with us at this point.

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Trigger Warnings: >!assault, emotional manipulation!<

Final Update: November 8, 2024 (9.5 months later)

I wrote a post nine months ago about my friend Brie telling me that she loved me a few weeks before she was supposed to get married. For context, I lost my wife three years ago, and we have a six-year-old daughter. Brie and her fiancé, Jason, moved to our town a year ago, and Brie confessed her feelings for me just weeks before her wedding. Things went south quickly, and Brie ended up breaking up with Jason and canceling the wedding. She was staying with us when I last shared an update.

I think the story was picked up by some popular YouTube channels, and people have been messaging me to find out what happened afterward. I wanted to maintain our privacy, especially since many of our family members saw the video and recognized my post. They didn't know that Jason had assaulted me, and I had to assure everyone that we were safe and okay. I'm feeling particularly happy this week, so I thought I would share an update.

Firstly, the reason Brie moved in with us while Jason was still in town was because I had a temporary restraining order (TRO) against him. Brie also filed for one but was denied, as he had never directly threatened her safety. She said she felt secure with us because of the TRO, and I agreed. Jason didn’t cause any issues after that, though he continued texting Brie, asking her to work on their relationship. Eventually, he moved back to our hometown in February, and we haven’t heard from him since.

Brie got her own apartment once Jason left town, but she remained very much a part of our daily lives. I enjoyed having her around, and my daughter loves her. In April, Brie brought up the idea of us dating again. I explained that I wasn’t over my wife’s death and didn’t want to be unfair to her because I still love my late wife deeply.

Brie told me she knew she could never replace my wife, nor did she want to. She shared a beautiful analogy: she said my heart is like a big pot. It holds a lot of love for my late wife, but it also made room for more love when my daughter was born.

Loving her wouldn’t erase my love for my wife or daughter, it would simply mean there’s more room in my heart than I realized. I took a month to think it over, talking to my mom and mother-in-law (late wife's mom), who both encouraged me to give a relationship with Brie a chance.

We officially started dating in May, and it’s been surprising how quickly we fell in love. I think the strong foundation of our friendship helped a lot. The last six months have been amazing, and I’ve never seen my daughter so happy. She’s a big chatterbox now and insists that Brie comes to all her school events and recitals. Sometimes, I feel a little jealous of their bond and even a bit left out of their little chats.

The reason I’m writing this update is because I’m planning to propose to Brie this Christmas. It’s not a surprise proposal, we went engagement ring shopping last weekend and finalized the ring. We also have wedding plans for next summer. I know it seems quick, but I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.

Brie deserves to officially be part of our family. My daughter is thrilled, and she and Brie are already shopping for dresses for the engagement photoshoot. Our families couldn’t be happier, and we plan to get engaged at a small gathering of family and friends over Christmas weekend in our hometown.

I know some people judged me for taking Brie in after she left Jason, and others judged her for leaving him at the altar. Life isn’t easy (trust me), and things don’t always go as planned. But I’m grateful Brie found the courage to tell me how she felt back then. Thank you all again for your support on my last post.

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1 (downvoted): Thanks for the update. Glad things worked out and wish you both a great future.

> OOP: Thanks. We are excited for the next chapter.

Commenter 2: Wait - so why didn’t she end her relationship before ever sharing with you that she had feelings for you?

> OOP: It was such a crazy time (4 weeks before the wedding). I know the right thing should have been the right thing to do. However, I am also glad she did not go through with the wedding when her heart was not at the right place. I feel bad for Jason too, but I think it's better for him it happened, instead of learning about it after getting married. > > I did initially blame myself for all the pain that I caused Brie. I know she would have been married (happily) to Jason, if I did not exist, but through therapy, I have learned to let go of the guilt. It was something I could not control.

Commenter 3: So you explained to her that you were still grieving your wife, and she gave you some stupid analogy to pressure you into dating her. She sounds desperate and dumb, and not a good influence for your child.

I feel bad for your daughter. I seriously doubt your wife would approve of this for her.

Commenter 4: Her analogy was pure manipulation, and you are too stupid, or too horny, to see it. It’s been less than a year. Good luck dear horny man, you are going to need it. Your wife would be ashamed of the damage you are going to end up doing to your daughter in all this. You let a manipulative woman con her way into your bed and home.

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----NEW UPDATE----

Editor's note: the final update below is nearly 11 months old, and it has not been posted here onto the sub

Editor's note #2: the video links in this post no longer work

Last Update: August 14, 2025 (over nine months later from the previous update)

It's been 9 months since my last update. I wrote my first post almost 2 years ago, which seems crazy now and I could have never imagined how things would turn out. Many of you messaged me for an update, so I am writing a short update instead of replying to all the messages as you guys have really been helpful through all this time. Thanks to this YouTube channel, who created this beautiful short film based on our story. Although, I am not as handsome in real-life.:

Part 1: https://youtu.be/O_IiQGO1vDA?si=T8-s57X2G55t_Y_w

Part 2: https://youtu.be/Kh5oHjM5KFk?si=e-NCzVsC0dlGaiwM

Part 3: https://youtu.be/ES6xsH-KuIg?si=M_zWR-aQOG9ploRc

Brie and I got engaged last December. I know that my love for my late wife would never go away, but I felt it was the right thing to do for Brie and also for my daughter. I proposed to Brie at our old high school ground where we would often hang out when we were younger.

There was a lot of drama that unfolded after our engagement. Jason had already moved back and told everyone made up stories about how Brie cheated on him and ruined his life, and how I played the victim after he kicked my ass (his words). I lost a lot of old friends in this process, but some of our friends were willing to give us the benefit of doubt. Luckily our families know me well enough to know that I would not have an affair with Brie, before she broke off her engagement. I think the news of our engagement did not sit well with Jason. Things got ugly when Jason tried to break into Brie's house to talk to her, but luckily me and her brother were there and called the cops. He still thinks we were sleeping together before Brie broke off her engagement.

I know a lot of you guys warned me that Brie was planning on being with me the entire time and moved to my town specifically to be with me. I talked to her about this and we had discussions about what exactly happened. She told me that marrying Jason never felt right, and maybe she just subconsciously wanted to be around me because I had always been honest about guys she dated in the past (let's say she had a type growing up) and she just wanted me to tell her to not marry Jason. However, she told me that she only started developing feelings for me after she met me. I also do not agree with the theory that she moved to my town do be with me, as we had not met each other in person for many years prior, and it would be crazy to make such a big change in her life just on a whim.

Our relationship is far from perfect, but something that works for both of us. Brie lost her job after we got engaged and helps me look after my "now our" daughter during the last few months. My daughter loves her too, and they have a great bond. I have a good job, so Brie decided to take a break for wedding planning and looking after our daughter full-time. I am glad for her decision as my daughter will get to have a parent in house fulltime, something I was not able to provide to her because of my work.

Onto the good news, we got married around month ago. And as many of you had predicted, Brie did not run away, and we had a wonderful ceremony. I wanted a small wedding, but Brie and her parents wanted to invite a bunch of people, and we ended up have a really nice wedding.

Right now, we just came back from our honeymoon and are getting ready for my daughter's school year. I know many of you misunderstand Brie, but she has been nothing but a blessing in my life. I thank god every day for sending her into our life as she has made our life beautiful.

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/throwra_nowherehouse

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1, #2

[New Update]: AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/arifault for suggesting this BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!manipulation, possible controlling behavior, possible misogyny, death of a loved one!<

---

RECAP

Original Post: August 4, 2025

I don’t know how to start this. I, (27F) have been with my fiancé (28M) for 5 years. We’ve just recently saved enough for a deposit on a house, and he’s found this cottage in the middle of nowhere, two hours away from where we currently live. The thing is that I already work an hour away. I am a nursery practitioner and I love my workplace, I’ve been there since I was 20 and I’ve worked my way up to a room lead position. Living three hours away from my job would not be ideal, but my fiancé won’t budge on this house. He says it’s perfect within our budget and quirky enough to fit our tastes in home style.

I’ve tried to communicate with him about this issue multiple times, bringing up the fact there’s not even any nurseries in that area that are looking for staff, and I don’t want to find another job that’s a bit further out but start from the bottom again. He says it’ll all work out if I just stop overthinking it, and I’ve been at my current job for so long that it would be nice for me to start fresh.

Another issue is that I want children, they’ve always been a huge dealbreaker for me and I don’t think it would be such a good idea to live so remotely when it comes to children as we will have to get them to/from school or nursery before and after work every day, the nearest school/nursery is a 30 minute drive away from the house he wants and we both start work fairly early and finish quite late. It will also be an issue of their freedom as they grow up, because I think it would be horrible to have to rely on your parents for transportation all the time and have to skip out on plans if they can’t drive you.

He really thinks I’m being dramatic about this and I’ll just ‘figure it out’, so AITAH for not wanting to move so far away from my job and basically all civilisation?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

Relevant Comments

Commenter 1: NTA. Y'all didn't talk about where you wanted to live? You both should have discussed where EXACTLY you wanted a home. You don't have to move where you don't want to live.

> OOP: We did discuss it, we both want a nice cottage that’s out of the way of lots of people, but there’s options near us, and even more options that are actually closer to my job, that also still have access to regular buses and there’s even a few up for sale in a town with a train station a reasonable walk away. I don’t know why he’s suddenly so set on this house that’s so far out when we have plenty of options available to us that won’t move us hours away.

Commenter 2: NTA. You two are not on the same page. You need to sort that out before you get married.

> OOP: I am desperately trying to sort it out. I’m considering telling him that I will end the engagement if he continues to be unreasonable and doesn’t consider my feelings on the matter

Commenter 3: NTA. If you have joined the funds, immediately remove your contributions from the account and safeguard the money. He absolutely will use all of it to buy the cottage. His plan is to isolate you and keep you away from your network of people.

> OOP: Luckily I control our finances because I’m better with numbers, so I’ve already transferred my half of the savings into a different account, he won’t even notice. He’s usually very sweet and considerate so I’m not sure what’s got into him about this house. He loves my family and we have the same friend group as we’ve known each other since high school, so I don’t think he’s trying to isolate me

Commenter 4: Is the house also three hours away from his workplace? Or does he WFH?

> OOP: He works in tech and he does go physically to work but has the opportunity to WFH if he wants to. He says because it’s ’worked out’ for him it’ll work out for me too and I can always just find another job in a nursery, but I don’t think he gets quite how difficult it is to find a genuinely good job in a great nursery that doesn’t have a toxic environment and crazy high staff turnover

Commenter 5: Who exactly is the “we” who received the money for the deposit? Who did the money come from? if it came from somebody in his family, he is probably being very proprietary about how the money is spent. That isn’t a partnership and this kind of thinking will spill over into other areas of their life. If the money came from someone in your family or if it is somehow attached to your career, like a bonus, then he is a dictator who will force his ideas on you time and again. Buying a house is a partnership. He will expect you to help pay your portion of the mortgage and the upkeep, but you don’t get to say in where the house is located. Is that what you want? NTA

> OOP: We’ve been saving for a while, nobody gave us any money. I was already saving before we got together, so was he and after a couple years together we decided to pool our house savings for our future which I now realise was probably a really dumb idea because we aren’t married. I’ve actually put more in than him despite spending less because I’m happy to live a frugal lifestyle while he likes holidays and expensive cars, etc.

> Despite *earning less, sorry I’m completely exhausted

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Update #1: August 6, 2025 (two days later)

UPDATE AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

I wasn’t expecting to be able to update this fast, but here we are. First off I want to thank everyone that commented on my last post, and also add some context as I realised my last post may have been lacking some. Fiancé and I have been together five years, but I have known him for twelve years, and in all the time I’ve known him and especially since we got together he’s always been sweet, taken my feelings into consideration and hasn’t actively ignored my opinion like this. It’s always been a two yes, one no situation in decisions before this.

We had a good relationship otherwise, we had date nights once a fortnight, we enjoyed each other’s company, had aligning plans for the future and the same ideals for a relationship. He had watched me go through a few quite bad relationships over the years before we got together and did his best to be the opposite of my exes, though he’s always been quite pushy when it comes to sexual intimacy, so I guess that’s an issue. But other than that it was great, and we had actually had a lot of talks about what we wanted in a house. We had agreed that we wanted a house or cottage either the same distance away or closer to my work, a bit more remote but still with a town or city easily accessible by public transport and car. I’m not sure why he suddenly switched to wanting a house so far out from everything and everyone we both know. We live in the UK, and a two hour drive can have you in basically a whole other world.

Anyway, the actual update. I had annual leave from work yesterday, and my now-ex fiancé was having a WFH day, something he’s been doing more and more frequently as of late. This is another reason he is so okay with the house he wants being where it is, because he can just switch to full time work from home.

In the morning I sat down with him and tried to bring up the house. I laid out my points from my last post yet again and told him I am under no circumstances leaving my job, I love it and I do not want to search for another. I brought up the countless other houses that fit our criteria that are in our area and closer to my work, some of which we have viewed. We haven’t viewed the place he wants yet as we haven’t had the time, and I told him I do not want to as I already know it’s not what I want.

I also asked him if he really thinks it would be okay for me to have a 6 hour round commute every day, especially considering my shift starts at 8am so I would have to leave by 5am every morning and be up by around 4am. My shifts typically finish at 5:30pm, so I wouldn’t even be back home until 8:30pm. Would he be okay with doing all the childcare in the future, housework and just everything that needed to be done because I would not be home for any of it?

He didn’t seem to take any of it to heart, and still insisted I could find another job, maybe one not even in child care, and that’s what finally pushed me over the edge. Child care has been my dream since I was a little girl, and I managed to find an absolute dream of a workplace that I know many child care practitioners would kill to work for. How could I possibly leave that all behind when I’ve worked so hard for it? He told me he’s set on this house, so either I accept it or I leave.

I chose leave. I gave his ring back and told him we’re done, that he’s not being the sweet, considerate man I fell in love with, and I don’t know why he can’t see my side of things in this. I do not want to live a life with somebody that doesn’t consider how I feel in all of this. This completely shocked him and he started begging me to rethink, that we can figure something out, but I refused and went to pack my things.

I’m staying with my brother and his wife now, which is nice because they live closer to my workplace (a 30 minute drive instead of an hour), and I get to spend time with my little nieces. I am hurting, but I also feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I do not deserve to not have my opinion valued, and he certainly did not. I guess it’s onwards and upwards as they say, but I definitely won’t be dating for a long time after this

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: You mentioned that the two of you had saved up enough for a down payment. If the money is in a joint account add up how much you contributed plus interest on the amount, and withdraw it Fast.

> OOP: Hello! Sorry for my absence I have been very busy. I withdrew all money that I contributed from the shared balance before I left my ex-fiancé. It’s all safe in my own bank account now!

Commenter 2: He didn't even give up. " We can figure something out" means his option is still on the table. He just wants to keep debating even after you dumped him. Man he really wants that house.

Commenter 3: Oh damn. He thought he could strong arm you into agreeing with him. He thought you would relent because you were engaged and you'd never walk away. And then you called his bluff and he realized he didn't hold the control over you he thought.

Good on you for calling his bluff and being rid of him. He would have 100% used that tactic again and again if you had stayed with him.

Commenter 4: NTA and good job advocating for yourself!!! if current You starts to waver, which is a totally normal emotional cycle for people to go through post break up, just remember that future You will be so glad that you stood up for yourself and made space for better relationships to come.

&nbsp;

Trigger Warnings: >!death of a loved one!<

Update #2: December 4, 2025 (nearly four months later)

UPDATE: AITAH for not wanting to buy a house 3 hours away from my workplace?

Reposting here bc I didn’t realise I could only post one update on the AITAH sub

Hi all. Sorry I’ve been almost completely MIA for the last few months, life has been completely hectic, but I wanted to give an update because I saw some people asking for an update. I also saw my post being read on TikTok a few months ago by one of my favourite Reddit story accounts actually and that was crazy, I truly did not think it would end up anywhere but Reddit.

First off, I (27F) want to share some things about my life and how it has been since I left my ex-fiancé(28M). Life has been up and down for me. I found a therapist, and I’ve started to rent a small flat close to my brother’s house, still living below my means as I start to save for a house again, building upon my more than half of the savings I took when I left my ex (It was all my money, I had saved most of it. I did not take any of the money that was his.) The flat is small, but it’s cosy and doesn’t have any of the mess my ex always left around. I was offered a position as assistant manager at my workplace, and while the pay rise would have been nice, I decided to turn it down as I just so love working with the children and I do not want to spend most of my time in an office. Being a room lead is fine with me, I adore my job. My workplace is still great, and I’ve made some really good friends with some newer staff members. I often have a couple of them over for drinks or dinner after work, as a little single ladies club.

My absolutely amazing dad died suddenly and tragically in September, far too soon at 65. He was truly the most incredible man, and I’d been leaning on him a lot for support after I left my ex. He left me a sizeable sum of money, and while I am still waiting for that to come through, I’m planning to put it all into my house fund and I’m hoping to be a homeowner by the summer of 2026. I also adopted a little tortoiseshell cat to keep me company, her name is Lily and she’s the sweetest, cuddliest thing.

I’m slowly getting back into dating, and I actually made the realisation that I like women, so I have been dipping my toes into going on dates with some lovely ladies, which has been great. Nothing serious of course, I’m not ready for that yet, but it’s nice to have some connection with people and explore my newfound dating pool, see what fits me best and figure out my dating boundaries. Overall, while some times have been tough and heartbreaking, my life has improved.

On the ex front, I really did dodge a bullet. My sister has told me countless times that I let a man disrespect me for far too long. He was not the man I thought he was and upon reflection I realise the first red flag was how pushy he was for sex. I believe one comment on my last update called him a sex fiend. My therapist has helped me to realise that coercion was not consent, so I’ve been working through that.

Since we split, he has apparently been posting on Instagram about being an alpha male and how any woman would be lucky to have him. According to mutual friends, he has been listening to lots of horrible and misogynistic podcasts and spews that rhetoric to absolutely everyone he can, and he’s already dating a new girl what who is far from appropriately younger than him at 19. Yuck!! I will never know the full logic of why he wanted me to move so far from everything I know and love, but I feel that the comments saying he wanted me to quit my job and be a SAHM were correct in their assumptions. He couldn’t afford the house he wanted without my part of the savings, so he’s stuck in our old flat.

I had to see him once more after I left just to get the rest of my things from our old place, and he tried to talk to me, asking if we could fix what we had, but I ignored him and simply took everything I needed before leaving and blocking him for good. He’s not worth my time or energy.

I think during our relationship, I lost who I really was and forgot that I am a strong and independent woman. I have always been quite feisty, and I’ve always stood up for myself, but somehow with him I lost those parts of me. They’re back in full force now and I couldn’t be happier with that. I’ve used my found-again spine to fight for what I believe in, and I have been to several marches and protests for Palestine in the last few months, screaming at the top of my lungs, holding banners and waving flags. I have advocated for children’s rights, I have joined clubs and groups, and I have found my voice. Thank you all for your kind words, advice and encouragement. I don’t think I would have left or stayed away if it wasn’t for all of you commenting.

Relevant / Top Comments

Commenter 1: 19!? Poor girl

> OOP: I really want to message her and let her know what he’s like, but my sister and friends have told me it would cause more problems for me. She’s so young and I’m afraid for her

Commenter 2: I agree with your sister you dodged a bullet. Go have a great life now that you have found yourself again.

Commenter 3: Yesssssss. You go do what you want from now on. Sad about dad, but awesome otherwise.

&nbsp;

---

#----NEW UPDATE----

Update #3: June 27, 2026 (6.5 months later from the previous update)

(editor’s note: removed the first part of the update as they are links to the original and previous updates)

Six months into the year already, wow! Thank you so much to everyone who has been so supportive on my previous posts!

I (28F) don’t have much to update apart from, as of the 21st of May, I am officially a homeowner! I found a perfect house that’s only fifteen minutes from my workplace. It may not be the out of the way cottage I wanted, but it’s perfect and it’s all mine. I have space to just be me, and enough room for my niblings to sleep over and give my siblings a break.

On the dating front, I’ve been dating a wonderful woman (30F) since late December. I realised shortly after my last update that I wasn’t bisexual, and I am actually fully a lesbian.

We’re still taking it very slow, considering I had just come out of a long term relationship, and she was only recently divorced when we met, but so far so good. She’s absolutely amazing and I can safely say I love her. If things go well, we’ve talked about living together but that won’t happen until at least 2027, as I’m not quite ready for that level of commitment yet. She’s helped me move in and decorate my new house though, which has been lovely as she works in interior design and seems to know exactly how to make a room look incredible.

My ex broke up with the 19 year old in April, from what I’ve been told, citing that she’s “far too immature.” Like, obviously? She’s 19 and you’re 29, idiot. I haven’t heard much else about him because I really don’t care to know about his life, but what I have heard isn’t great. On top of his stupid misogynist stuff, he’s also been on some horribly racist bs. I didn’t mention this in my posts because it didn’t feel relevant, but I am mixed. My mum is Black, and I am very clearly half Black. He was engaged to a woman of colour and he’s racist!!!

All in all, life is good and I escaped a man that probably never really loved me. I hope everyone has had a great year so far, here’s to better beginnings. It may not be much of an update, but I wanted to let you all know it can get so much better 😊.

&nbsp;

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Most-Stable-2853

AITAH for wanting to go on a trip when my bf is uncomfortable with it?

Originally posted to r/amiwrong & r/AITAH

Thanks to a longtime lurker for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Controlling behavior, misogyny!<

Original Post  Feb 12, 2025

I (F, 27) have been with my boyfriend Richard (M, 39) for five years. We live together. We both work, we hardly ever argue, and we have a nice, quiet life.

When I was in university, I had a group of friends (both male and female) that I used to do a lot of activities with. We would go hiking, snowboarding, and traveling together. There was nothing romantic going on.

After graduation, a few of them moved away, and I met Richard, so we stopped hanging out. Recently, I got an email from one of my friends from that group who is organizing a reunion. I have been invited to join them on a trip to Whistler. We will be snowboarding, dining, sightseeing, and visiting Vancouver since they are renting a car. It is a three day trip.

Richard hates these people, so I knew he would say no if I asked him to join. I asked anyway, and as expected, he declined. I told him, No worries,since I anticipated his response, and I figured I would just go alone.

However, he got upset and said, “You are not in college anymore, and your partying days are over. You are not going on a ‘fuck trip’ with a bunch of drunk frat boys!” I showed him the email with the itinerary, but he rolled his eyes and said, “You are all going to end up drunk and fucking! Who are you kidding?” Then he asked if the guys were married and whether their wives were coming.

I told him I did not really know and that it did not matter. He responded, “You are not going, and that is the end of it.”

I feel so sad. I do not want to email my friends and say I cannot come, but I also do not want to make my boyfriend uncomfortable.

Am I an asshole for really wanting to go on this trip?

RELEVANT COMMENTS

invisiblizm

>He had the opportunity to come along. Has he alienated you from other friends and family?  Is your argument- free life purely because you always obey him?

OOP

>>He generally doesn’t like my friends. I hang out with them when he is not around , like when he travels for work. I’m LC with my family so we hardly ever see them but he is ok with my family .

Natenat04

>>>He isolates you from those you are closest to. This guy is a massive red flag! He doesn’t own you. Does he think so little of you that he just thinks you are going to be sleeping around? Does he regularly think you seek attention and validation from guys? If so, I’d bet it’s projection.

OOP

>>>>Yea that part bothered me. I think he feels threatened because the guys in our group are younger but why would you not trust me to act like a responsible adult ? Why would he think I would get drunk and sleep with them

~

janlep

> 1. He’s your boyfriend, not your master. He does not get to dictate where you go or what you do. > > 2. Implying that you plan to cheat on him is incredibly disrespectful. Unless you’ve cheated before, he has no reason to insult your morals like this. > > I wouldn’t stay with someone who spoke to me like this or attempted to control me like this. You aren’t wrong, and it’s time to plan your exit from this relationship.

OOP

>>I have never ever given him any reason to think like this ! I have never cheated on him! Ever

~

Jmovic

> A few questions > > 1. Will you be the only female at the reunion? If no, how many females? > > 2. Is there anyone in the friend group you have any history with (relationship/hook up)? > > 3. He called it a "fuck trip", have your past trips been just having fun and casual hook ups? > > Everyone in the comments will be quick to call him controlling or insecure, but most won't even stop to ask for context and get the full picture. I'm sure that dude whose wife cheated on him with her patients would have been called controlling and insecure if he didn't want his wife to go on that trip.

OOP

>> 1. no ! 3 girls, 4 guys if everyone shows up >> >> 2. none >> >> 3. never >> >> I did invite him to join us but he said no that’s why I said then I’ll go alone

Update  Feb 13, 2025 (Next Day)

I keep getting asked the same questions over and over in DMs or comments, so instead of repeating myself, here you go.

&#x200B;

1.  No, you can’t come on the trip instead of my boyfriend. Please stop DMing me about it. If you keep asking, I will block you.

&#x200B;

2.  Why hasn’t he proposed yet? Because he will do it when he’s ready. Right now, he’s focused on buying a bigger place.

&#x200B;

3.  Do I work, or does he pay for my expenses? I work, and we split house expenses 50/50. I pay half of his current mortgage. No, he is not my ATM, and I am paying for the trip myself.

&#x200B;

4.  No, he won’t be baby trapping me. I have an IUD, so he can’t mess with it. We’ve already discussed accidental pregnancy, and if it ever happens, I will terminate it. He is not ready for kids, and we will have them when we’re both ready. I’m not in a rush either.

&#x200B;

5.  Why does he hate my group of friends? He thinks they’re dumb and annoying. He came out for drinks with us once when we first met and said afterward that he couldn’t stand them. They’re very chatty and extroverted, while he is quiet, introverted, and hates loud noises.

&#x200B;

6.  Are other people bringing their spouses? I asked the organizer, and she confirmed that everyone is, except one girl and two single guys.

&#x200B;

7.  Is my boyfriend invited? Of course, but he said hard pass because three days with these annoying people would be torture for him. He told me, “You’re better than these loud idiots. You’ve matured. Why are you still hanging out with them?”

&#x200B;

8.  I texted him saying I wanted to talk, and he said, “If it’s about the trip, there’s nothing to talk about.” I replied, “No, it’s about us,” and he never responded. He hasn’t spoken to me since our argument.

&#x200B;

9.  Does my boyfriend have some infidelity trauma? I have no idea. He had a longterm ex before me who is now happily married. They broke up because she met someone else. I’m not sure if it was an affair or if she simply ended things with him to be with the new guy. That’s all I know.

&#x200B;

10.  Why am I low contact (LC) with my family? I’m LC with my parents because my dad never stands up for me when my mom verbally abuses me. One example was at their anniversary dinner when my mom made a toast in front of everyone about how they were blessed to have a wonderful son (my brother) and then pushed their luck by having me. She said, “We should have stopped while we were ahead!” When I confronted my dad, he dismissed it as a joke. Later, my mom doubled down, saying, “The truth hurts! You’ve been an underachieving disappointment your whole life.”

No other updates. I’ll talk to him later today. At this point, I’m more hurt that he assumed I would cheat. It’s not even about the trip anymore.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

RSTA30

>Another question that should have been asked to begin with: Do you have a sexual history with any of these friends?

OOP

>>I don’t ! I only had one boyfriend before him. He broke up with me and moved away. I met Richard a few months later. I never ever hooked up with a friend or had a casual relationship with anyone.

Final update  Feb 14, 2025 (1 day after 1st update)

Richard and I talked last night. He broke up with me. I told him I was hurt that he assumed I’d cheat on him. He said he was disappointed that I didn’t respect his boundary and chose the trip instead. Then he hit me with, “I thought you were a mature, smart woman, but you are still a silly immature little girl.” Oh, and apparently, I’m not “wife material.”

He also said he wanted me out of his place ASAP and even threw in a snarky comment: “Technically, your name isn’t on the deed. You’re just a house guest. I could kick you out right now.” I was like, “Wow, after five years, you’re really kicking me out in a snowstorm?” ( we had over 30 cm of snow yesterday )

Luckily, my grandma is letting me stay with her until I find a new place. And when my mom finds out? Oh, she’s going to love this. More material to make fun of me.

And yeah, no trip for me. I have packing and apartment hunting to do instead.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

goofygoober2006

>You should still go on your trip.  Take out the valuable things to your grandma's then go back to get the rest when you're back

OOP

>>That’s what my grandma suggested but I’m too embarrassed and depressed to even thinking about going on the trip.. maybe next time

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Reposting because the original BestofRedditorUpdates thread has been deleted.

I am not the original poster. The original post by u/ACFF in r/MaliciousCompliance.

I am not the original poster of this compilation thread. This was originally posted by u/ParadoxicalState (now deleted).

Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!

trigger warnings: none

mood spoilers: >!satisfying!<

CEO didn't understand what my department did apparently... - Sat, Jun 01, 2019

Some backstory; I was a general troubleshooter for my company. My job involved a lot of travelling to different clients we support. My area of work is Ontario, Canada (where I am based out of) and some of the nearby States in the United States (New York, massachusetts, Vermont, Pennsylvania.) I did most of my travelling by car since my schedule can change quite quickly and flying can become very expensive. I had one colleague who is technically my subordinate but we have a very good working relationship and would often handle calls independently of each other only checking in by phone once a week and in person once a month / when necessary.

A little over a year ago I get an email calling me to the head office in New York City for a meeting with the CEO and the board of directors regarding my job. I check with my colleague and he got the same email. So we make our travel plans and meet in New York City the following week. We have dinner together the night before our meeting and can't figure out between us what the issue is about (it's rare to get summoned to head office and more rare for things to be so vague).

When we go into the meeting the next day we are informed that the company is dividing our department between the US and Canada and that there would be a new person to deal with the US clients and we were to restrict ourselves to Canada. Both my colleague and I were a little shocked at this since neither of us has even heard this was being discussed. I asked who the new person for the US was and we then learned that it was a new hire that the CEO had taken a special interest in.

Trying to be of good spirit I offered to train the new person. (There are many realities of the job that are not in the job description). CEO accepted and then brought in the new hire. In walks a young lady who looks about 23 years old and wears an expression that she knows everything. She sits at the table and immediately makes it very clear that she wants nothing to do with us.

CEO - Bob, New Hire - Karen, My Colleague - Jim.

Bob: Welcome Karen, we have just informed OP and Jim about the change in structure and they are willing to give you the support you need to get yourself started.

Karen and Bob both look at me.

Me: Glad to have you aboard Karen, I think both Jim and I have a lot of experience to share with you and we are happy to do so, perhaps it would be better in a separate meeting so we don't take the board's time.

Karen: Thank you all. I have a lot of ideas about how I can streamline our department and new policies I can introduce that should save the company a lot of money in expenses.

I'm very confused at this point. Karen is speaking as though she is my supervisor and that is distinctly not what Bob spoke to us about. I can see some of the board members giving strange looks at this as well.

Me: Bob perhaps I misunderstood the new roles here. Would you please clarify?

Bob: Sure, Karen is the new head of your department and both you and Jim will answer directly to her.

Board member: That isn't what we discussed or approved as a board. We weren't fully convinced of dividing the department but this is completely against what we discussed.

Karen: What did you discuss then?

Board Member: That your department would be divided between the US and Canada. OP and Jim would remain north of the border and you would run the US.

Karen: That's not what I was told but I can work with that. As long as these two stay out of my way. (Indicating me and Jim)

Jim and I are both shocked and insulted to be spoken of in this manner. We are both very good at our jobs and before today have never seen this woman in our lives.

Bob: That settles it, OP, effective immediately, you and Jim are to have nothing to do with Karen. Do not interfere with her work at all. You are both to restrict yourselves to working within Canada only.

With that he ended the meeting and left the room with Karen close behind him. Jim and I sat there stunned for a moment and some of the board members came up to us to express their shock and sympathies about this. I had enough presence of mind to ask if we would get a written directive of this change and was assured we would. Sure enough both Jim and I got emails with the new directive from Bob by the end of the day.

So after sending an email to all our US based clients advising them of the change and giving them the contact information of Karen, Jim and I made our way back to Toronto and reorganized ourselves for working within Ontario only. This meant much less travelling for us so it gave us more room to breathe.

Within a week I was getting complaints from our US based clients that Karen was not answering emails and missing appointments. I forwarded these emails to Karen and copied the entire board including Bob. Another week later I get a phone call from Karen who sounds frantic but will not admit she needs help. She makes pleasant conversation and then asks how I would handle a particular type of situation. I tell her I'm really not interested in discussing work as that might be seen as interfering in her work. Later that evening I get a call from Jim telling me he had the same conversation with Karen and handled it the same way.

By the end of that month I get a call from Bob asking if I will take over the entire department again. I politely tell him no since I didn't want to interfere with Karen and her role. For the next 3 months I'm getting emails and phone calls from US clients asking if they can have me back as their contact. This confirms an idea that had been in my head.

Jim and I had actually grown our client base in Ontario since restricting ourselves here. So I had lunch with Jim one day and asked him if he wanted to go into businesses with me as partners starting our own consulting firm. We couldn't provide everything our current company provided but we could provide a high degree of professionalism for our specific field and it seemed we had a ready made client base. By the end of the lunch he was on board and we started the necessary steps to get ourselves setup.

As soon as we were clear we both submitted our resignations with explanations of why. The next time clients contacted us we told them we no longer worked for the company. When they asked if we still worked in the field we told them we had established our own firm and what services we offered. A month later we had 60% of our US clients on board, and since the former company had no Canadian support at all, we had 80% of the Canadian clients. Within 2 months we had 80% of the US and 90% of the Canadian clients.

In the year since that time our new company has grown enough that we have hired 7 new consultants. Jim and I find ourselves doing more office work than road work, and a lot of client courting. Our old company has had to stop offering the in person troubleshooting (what our department did) and Bob was fired by the board. No idea what happened to Karen.

Update was added to the original post

UPDATE

Because of interest expressed in the comments I made a phone call to one of the board members I remained on friendly terms with. Here are some answers to questions.

How did Karen get the Job? Apparently Bob had set up a business school scholarship out of his own money which had put something like 6 or 7 students through business school. Karen was the latest graduate and Bob wanted to give her a start in the business world.

Was Bob sleeping with Karen? No clear answer was given. But Bob's wife divorced him shortly after he was fired from the company. Make of that what you will.

What happened to Karen? Apparently she got a job as middle management in a financial services company. Hopefully she can still build a life for herself and had learned some important lessons.

What happened to Bob? Last heard he was a regional director for a large hotel chain. Hopefully he also lands on his feet. Everyone deserves a chance to make a life for themselves.

Some questioned why the board was there for this meeting. I honestly don't know and neither did the board member I spoke with. It was one of their regularly scheduled meetings and Bob added things to the agenda.

Some questioned my use of non competes saying its not nice. Its a normal reality in the business world. The oddity is that my old company did not have one. The non compete I have my employees sign is not overly burdensome. It protects our intellectual property and professional contacts. It does not in any way restrict the employees ability to work in the field. That said, Jim and I have both agreed that if an employee leaves us on good terms and reasonably asks to be released from the non compete we would oblige.

Some inquired if we are still hiring. Unfortunately we are not. We are taking a pause from expansion right now as Jim's wife is dealing with cancer. I don't want Jim to worry about the office while taking care of his wife so we have decided to maintain our size (which I can do with minimal input from Jim) until his wife is in remission and he has a chance to rest and return his attention more fully to our company. Jim and I treat each other like family. So this is a natural step for us.

Thank you all so much for your interest and the great feedback and discussion in the comments.

Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/roolw

WIBTAH if I didn't invite my dad's wife to my high school graduation?

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU

Original Post  May 14, 2026

Notice how I said my Dad's wife, and not my step mom. I don't see her in that capacity at all.

English is not my first language.

My (18M) parents had a rough divorce, and my Dad immediately moved on and got married to his former high school gf (before my mom). So my dad's wife was someone who was forced into my life without me wanting her in it. She doesn't have kids, so she's always clingy and trying to make it seem like me and my sister are her kids and we are this one happy big family. Imo, excuse my language, she is emotionally and socially a dumbass. She just doesn't know how to act. Once when they first got married, they had a get together and me and the kids were apparently making lots of noise so she took us to a room and locked us in (she was inside with us). She refused to let us out unless we vowed to not make any more noise (we were 6 and 7). Would love to add the fact that I got a lot of shit for that because "she was just joking" and I "don't know how to take a joke". She just doesn't know how to act.

This is going to sound crazy, but I actually love her mother (my dad's MIL). She's stood by my side during a lot of problems and has called out her daughter's behavior.

Now my graduation is coming up. My mom thinks I need to invite her because I have previously stayed over at her vacation home, in addition to the fact that she doesn't have kids and I am "the closest thing she'll ever have to kids". Now she and my Dad were very horrible to me in their first year of marriage, so personally, I've never liked her, and still kind of resent my Dad for the way things went.

I don't have enough tickets to invite her anyway, in addition to the fact that even if I did I want to invite people that in a way or another raised me or helped my parents raise me. Those include my grandparents, and my aunt and uncle (who one of which doesn't have a kid and I'm the actual closest thing he'll ever have to a kid, in addition to the fact that I share last name with him).

My mom thinks it's going to be very awkward for my Dad to leave the house to go to my grad, and for her to ask him and for him to reply and say [my name]'s grad. I think it's insanely inappropriate for her to be there, my mom is trying to avoid problems with my dad. But what business does she have being at the same event (concerning me) with my mom and grandma. Personally, I don't care about what people will think. I care about my happiness and the fact that I don't want her there. I feel like I shouldn't need to justify this to anyone and it's my decision.

I probably need to get over a lot of the things that happened in the past, but that's an issue for another day. Inviting her won't change that. Just to add, if I wanted to invite her, I'd have to sacrifice inviting one of my aunts/uncles. Which I'm not doing, and I'd rather not have a graduation then invite her. Also I wasn't invited to their wedding.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Glittering-Paper4516

> Just invite him. “Hey Dad, tickets were extremely limited- I’m sure you and wife will understand. Looking forward to seeing you”  > > If he makes a fuss? Says he won’t come? “I’m really disappointed to hear that Dad. This isn’t personal, it’s logistics.”

OOP

>>That's a good idea. Thank you.

~

Ok_Tonight_3703

>NTA. It’s your decision not your mother’s. She locked in a room when you were a child and nobody thought that was fucking unhinged? > > ”… My mom thinks I need to invite her because I have previously stayed over at her vacation home, in addition to the fact that she doesn't have kids and I am ’the closest thing she'll ever have to kid’s’…” So fucking what? You are not her child and she did a shit job of trying to connect with you when you were you g. Locking you a room with her is not the way to bond with a child. > > Stop discussing this with your mother. Invite who you want. Don’t JADE, justify, argue, defend or explain. Givd out the invites. If your father chooses not to come oh well. Sounds like he was a good dad anyway. > > Congratulations on your graduation!

OOP

>> They thought it was a funny joke, and that I can't take a joke. >> >> Exactly! >> >> Thank you! >> >> Again, thank you! :)

~

Leading-Summer-4724

> NTA. As a step-mom myself, and as someone who had my own family bork out over who got to come to my graduation — this is YOUR DAY. You invite who you want to be there, period. > > That said, it’s best to manage your dad’s expectations prior to the big day, and do your best to not put your mom in the middle of the conversation. I only say this because she seemed to be concerned about “avoiding problems” with your dad, and that may be because she expects the social backlash to fall on her. Make it clear to your dad that this is your choice, and he shouldn’t try to go to your mom and make her uncomfortable with the idea she will change your mind.

OOP

>>I told my mother that this wasn't her battle to fight and that he had nothing to do with it, and that I'd handle it all. Thanks for your comment.

~

notwhoyouthinkc

> NTA. This is YOUR graduation. And like you said, there aren’t even enough tickets to begin with. Do not cave, and do not let them guilt you into this. I have a similar family dynamic as you. I’m 30 now, and my dad married a textbook narcissistic nightmare of a woman who treated me, my sister, and my brother horribly while treating her own 2 kids as if they shit rainbows. When we tried to talk to my dad about her and the horrible things she did to us, he refused (and honestly still refuses) to acknowledge that he was emotionally absent and left his biological kids to deal with someone who was genuinely toxic. He hid behind the “provider” role since it was easier for him than facing his own trauma and actually being emotionally present for the kids who needed him. > > To this day, he still downplays/ flat-out denies a lot of what happened, so my relationship with him is very surface level now. I only talk to him occasionally just to make sure he’s okay because I know I’d feel guilty if something happened (like him dying) and we never spoke again. I finally stood my ground and called him out when I was around 25, and I honestly wish I had done it sooner. You are allowed to protect your peace and set boundaries, even with family do not wait to do so like I did.

OOP

>>Thank you so much for your advice, it really means a lot. Look, I've always been confrontational (and attempted to stand my ground) since I was a kid. But I was weak. I was a child, I lacked the vocabulary needed in order to defend myself. But now I'm not weak, so now I'm standing my ground.

~

CatJarmansPants

> Easy decision - hard conversation. > > You 'simply' need to have a conversation with your dad, one-on-one, and say that now you're an adult you want to have a grown up relationship with him - that he needs to understand that you don't see his wife as stepmother/family figure, and the pair of you don't get on. > > (See how diplomatic I'm being here?) > > That you accept that for him this conversation will be difficult, but that he needs to understand that she won't be part of your life - you'll be pleasant, friendly etc.. but you are not going to withhold an invitation to your graduation from someone you really want to attend (whatever their relationship to you) in order to give one to her. Add in the lie that if you had an unlimited supply of invitations you'd giver her one, but you don't. He may know it's a lie, but it's about softening the blow. > > You are going to face the rocky truth that he may decide not to attend without his wife, and that that will be a pattern throughout life - birthdays, weddings, children's parties etc.. > > You can then decide that you're fine with that. Or not. > > NTA. But this isn't a one time thing, in becoming an adult you get to make decisions about your life, but you also get to keep the consequences.

OOP

>> Yes, definitely, the diplomacy/message delivery is the most important thing in this situation. >> >> Exactly, I understand that my potential decision could have consequences but I'm fine and at peace with my decision.

Update  June 27, 2026 (6 weeks later)

When I wrote the post, I wrote it as a hypothetical scenario. Despite my mom and brother's warnings, I thought my Dad wasn't going to ask me to invite his wife. Boy was I wrong.

After I wrote the post, I went to my mom and I told her that there will not be a graduation if [his wife] comes. I then listed a bunch of shit she did over the past few months (oldest was November 2025), and my mom was shocked. One of those things was her trying to turn my Dad against me because "I don't tell him my school grades", the reason I don't is because he goes and runs to her and tells her everything. My mom sided with me, ultimately.

Two weeks after the post, I was in the supermarket with my Dad and he told me to do a favor for him. "Invite your step mom". Initially I told him I wished I could, but there wasn't enough tickets. He then told me no problem, I'll call [his uncle] and tell him to not come. He was really willing to not have his brother come just to appease his wife.

I told him no. There's not enough tickets, and that it'd be very inappropriate for her to be there with my grandma and mother attending. He told me that I'd be making him a huge problem, and that he might not be able to come. So I told him, "good riddance, now you're making it so I can be able to invite my friends who weren't gonna be able to come." Then he secretly went to my brother and started getting mad at his wife saying that she's causing him problems and he's sick of her and what not.

After I got home, he started talking badly about my mom and her family saying that he's paying for the tickets ($200) and that they're coming on his pay. He then started insulting my mother's brother, and my grandma saying how they're coming on his pay and how he doesn't like them. So I immediately went to the bathroom and messaged my mom to pay the tickets. To which she did. To which he was at shock.

Then he started saying how upset his wife would be and what not. I told him it's your job as your husband to tell her when you can't get something done for her. Not everything she asks is going to be possible, especially at my expense. He then started breaking and told me that his wife came to him and said: "why did [myself] not invite my to his graduation, when I want to make a large family gathering to celebrate him".

I told him then you're making a very big deal of nothing. She just asked a question, you could've said there's not enough tickets. You didn't need to talk to me about any of this. I then told him that he better tell his wife that whatever gathering she makes, I'm not attending.

Anyway, a couple of days later was my senior trip, so on the day before I called him and told him, that just to get the facts straight, I don't want your wife there. It's not my mom or grandma, it's the fact that I don't want her. He was kind of shocked at that, but then I was boarding the plane so I had to hung up.

I haven't seen his wife really since a couple of days before the original post, I saw her briefly in a funeral two weeks ago, to which I was very cold and distant. Going on, I'm not going to their house, and I'll be cutting contact with her completely.

Yesterday was my graduation, and his wife didn't attend, but my Dad came. It was a lovely day where I was surrounded by people who love and respect me. Not people who try to force themselves into my life.

:)

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/SixOhSixx

WIBTA if I don't go to a Personal Mastery seminar my mom went to?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITAH

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Cult recruitment!<

Original Post  Apr 11, 2024

I (25F) have my mom (63F) living with me in my apartment due to the people we used to live with (and then eventually she lived with) being horrible to her and treating her poorly both mentally and financially. It took me months to convince her to come live with me instead to better herself, but she finally did and has been happier since.

Awhile back, she was introduced to a 3 day weekend Personal Mastery seminar course. She was very interested in it and while I was skeptical, I said she should go if she wants. She did, and she ended up loving it, which was great and I was glad for her.

Every now and again, she brings up the seminar, talking about how she thinks it would help me and be good for me, etc. I have tried to keep an open mind, but I remain very skeptical of this whole thing as it's supposedly an interactive course that is meant to change your way of thinking about things. That being said, she's not allowed to tell anyone what actually happens at the seminar. No one is. It's part of the rule of the place. So me, being paranoid and skeptical as I've learned to be, doesn't trust it, and I've expressed this. My mom has been understanding of that fact.

Still though, she continues to bring it up now and again. A few days ago while shopping, we saw one of my mom's friends Julie (60s?F fake name) and they got to talking about the course which they have both gone to. They both really kept encouraging me to go and I expressed discomfort at that and they said they understood, and I could go when/if I'm ready. I thought it was finally over with.

Yesterday, my mom suddenly sprung on me that Julie has recieved an anonymous donation to sponsor someone to go to the seminar this weekend (it costs $995 to sign up) and Julie wanted to sponsor me. Julie's husband even offered to use his hotel points to get me a free room so I'd be able to go for totally free.

I felt so uncomfortable and didn't know what to do. I had a very long talk with my mom about how I feel extremely pressured to do this thing I really don't think I want to do and she seemed receptive and understanding, but now I feel like I'll be an asshole if I don't accept an extremely generous offer, despite the fact that I'm uncomfortable. My mom has given Julie's husband my number and he plans to call me and talk to me about the seminar and I really don't even want to have the conversation. I'm trying to have an open mind but I really don't like the idea at all. I feel very forced into this situation despite my mom saying I don't have to go.

So, WIBTA?

Edit because I forgot to add: friend opinions are insanely mixed. Some say I should go, some say I shouldn't, some say it would be good to get away, some say it feels fucked up they put me in this position, some say I'm an asshole if I don't go, I don't know anymore.

Edit 2: I know I literally just fucking posted this but Julie's husband just texted me sending me details on the hotel because he just used his points to book me a free fucking room. I'm literally gonna cry LOL.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Editors Note: in the comments someone links to a 7 year old post about a MLM/Cult

Quick-Possession-245

> https://www.reddit.com/r/antiMLM/comments/9h7bva/klemmer_associates_personal_mastery_what_fresh/ > > Looks like BS to me.....

OOP

>>WAIT THIS IS THE EXACT COURSE

A comment from that linked sub was shared by mauwsel

> Yeah, read this comment on there: "Sorry for the late response, I don't really frequent this sub. But it just so happened I got reminded of when I got convinced to go to a meeting of theirs a few years ago and thought I'd do a search here for fun to see if there was anything new about them. > > The wife of my family's pediatrician (who is ludicrously respected around town and still is) and a sort of family friend is some degree of coach for Klemmer and Associates and was asking my dad if he would be interested in a weeknight seminar. My dad, not knowing any better and being polite, said he would be out of town (true) but would see if I would be interested. I was in a less than good job at the time and was struggling in my career development. I said sure. Drs Wife calls me up to give me the sales pitch about how much the program has helped her and her family, yadda yadda. I figured what would be the harm in an evening seminar probably about leadership in the workplace, etiquette, your standard work/life improvement stuff. I paid twenty bucks and went. > > It was actually pretty well attended and in the ballroom of a hotel, I say about the ball park about 75 or so attendees. I even see some parents of friends of my siblings. It starts of pretty normal. Just says you standard things about self reflection, bettering yourself and this program can help you get there! It also goes into the whole life cycle of the program. This night was step one, then there was a couple of weekend conferences, then capping off with a week long training to finish the program, at which point you can become one of the coaches like Drs. Wife was. We do some icebreaker things. If i remember right, it was just introduce yourself to three people. Then they started talking about the line of books the company had for sale, and more of the same promises of what the program can do. My enthusiasm is starting to fade. > > Then the presenter said something along the lines of "So as we reach the end of the first hour, consider where you are now as we move into the next two hours of the introduction of our program" > > Strike one. It is a weeknight, I'm still in my work outfit. I'm not getting home at nine o'clock unless this is worth my time. I should add there was nothing in advance that said this seminar would be three hours long. Beneath the chair is a pamphlet about the program and attached is an order form. In very, very tiny print, I see that the cost of the full program, from tonight to the full week event would tally close to $16,000. I'm assuming (and frankly hoping) that includes lodging and meals but, still. > > But I'm the type of person that would sit through a presentation on the types of grass and their growing habits for three hours if it had good intentions. Plus I wanted to be polite, even though I was thoroughly convinced that this wasn't my bag. > > The tone of the speech turned slightly and asked you to examine yourself. What did you think were the problems in your life, are you doing anything to address them? >What are your hopes and aspirations? > > "Discuss your dreams with the person sitting next to you" > > I took one look at the middle aged lady sitting next to me, just kind of muttered out an "excuse me" and walked out. Not doing that. Somethings come up, I'm late for a thing that happens to not be in this building. Part of it was that I wasn't exactly in the best spot of my life and my dreams were being "reassessed" part of it was that I'm sure as hell not discussing that with stranger. > > With that wound picked at, I left feeling kind of miserable, out a perfectly good $20 and with no new skills to boot. I did some homework later on the company and found that this is how their whole system works. Hour 1 is the introduction, hour 2 you reflect on everything wrong with your life, hour 3 is a taste of how you, through their magical program, can fix it. Worse still, some sources I was reading up on encourage their program in place of legitimate therapy treatments. So answer your question, there's no physical product. It's about being coached and then turning around and coaching others, which compared to MLM standards might be even worse in comparison. Might there be some legitimate ideas in there? Sure, but where I work now will send you to professional development things at your request, will in some cases cover the costs and even pay your normal wage while you attend. Those programs probably teach those same lessons without three hours of tear down/buildup. > > Oh well, live and learn. Everyone steps into an amway meeting at some point. But my outright irritation at this "company" came later. > > Wife of Dr. shoots me a quick message saying that she was sorry I couldn't stay for the full program and that she would leave a free copy of my book in my mailbox. All right, fine. It shows up in my mailbox and I never touch it. I get call a few weeks later from another coach rep (Which as an aside, I was working in the legal field and Klemmer and Associates sounds exactly like 75% of the places I was applying for jobs at, which is why I didn't immediately hang up). wanting to touch base because I had attended their seminar. I kind of listened planning on letting her down gently when she said: > > "Wife of Dr said you loved the free book though" > > Ok, nope. Do not put words in my mouth. I'm obviously heated and say "Actually I did not enjoy the book and do not contact me further" > > She apologizes and hangs up. Drs Wife texts me (what timing!) saying that she was "misinformed" and that I would be removed from their list. I ask that any family members of mine that have been added to their information be removed as well. A few months later I get a similar sales esque phone call. So I've clearly been lied to. I got nasty on the phone (Which I emphasize, never happens) and I haven't heard anything sense. > > So put it simply, these guys are hacks. If you want to be a better person, there are so many great ways you can do that for free. I feel good volunteering for instance. On the other hand, If you need therapy, go get some therapy. > > They aren't talked about much online, but these guys are at best way too expensive life coaches and have drunken too much of their own kool aid for their own good. At worst, they are preying on vulnerable people for many thousands of dollars." > > I'd say scam/mlm/preying on the vulnerable.  Don't go unless you actually want to join this. There are many better, healthier and cheaper ways of gaining "personal mastery" 

OOP

>>Thank you for this looks like mom and I are gonna have a very very long and extensive talk when I get home, this is by far the worst scam she has fallen for, I cannot believe I haven't looked into this sooner.

~

Silent_Coffee_7292

>OP go and watch The Vow on HBO now! And make your mom watch it with you. It will open your whole world to how horrible these places truly can be.

Update  July 22, 2024 (3 months later)

My update wasn't approved in r/AmItheAsshole from a few months ago, and I wanted to share it here instead.

Here's what I originally put in the update that wasn't approved:

In my previous post, I detailed how my mom went to a Personal Mastery course, and she wanted me to do the same. More details on that here.

I went home and had a long talk with my mom. She was very resistant at first, but ultimately settled down and just listened. She asked a few questions here and there, and I answered to the best of my ability. I explained everything and laid it out on the table. I shared the testimonials I could find from real people who described exactly what happened during those seminars and how screwed over they got by it. She couldn't believe it, she started to cry. She felt upset and betrayed, and she asked me "how could she be so stupid". I had to calmly explain to her that she wasn't stupid, that she was preyed upon by people she could trust while she was in a vulnerable state.

She seemed to understand after I explained how they almost did the same to me while I was also in a vulnerable state. More talking and I come to find out the people that turned her on to the idea of going to the seminar herself before we're Julie and her husband. I described to her in vivid detail how they would go about this, how they would start with saying how it changed their life.. then have someone call you, then have someone pitch it to you over the phone... until you finally caved and spent a grand and went. Her jaw seemed to drop to the floor, because that was what she experienced.

After talking for awhile I later learned that Julie and her husband were BEGGING my mom to come on Sunday of the weekend I was supposed to go. After digging into this more, I think they may have been planning to start trying to bring her into the side of pulling people into the cult-like organization. She didn't go, but didn't want to believe that Julie and her husband were a part of this, and wanted to believe they were good people who didn't really know what they were doing. I was once again skeptical but I told her they are not my friends and I will allow her to handle it accordingly. She understood, and while not revealing that she knew it was a scam, has since tried to text or call Julie. She never returns her calls or texts. She's ghosted my mom. I think that was one of the bigger nails in the coffin for her.

u/Silent_Coffee_7292 had pointed out a show by the name of "The Vow" on HBO. They explained how it was a documentary of a similar sounding cult and that it may be worth making her sit down and watch it. After our long talk, I made her watch. She stared at the screen in horror for the first episode I watched with her. She told me in a trembling voice that this was the exact seminar she'd gone to, just with a few small details changed. That documentary details another company that in the end it was revealed to be a sex cult. It opened my mother's eyes and mine.

So that's what happened. My mom accidentally fell for a MLM cult and was betrayed by her friends and almost betrayed me while she was at it.

Julie and her husband never contacted her and I again. Mom still thinks about it sometimes, but I noticed the things she had from her "exercises" from the seminar that she used to hang on her wall are missing. I feel bad for her but I'm just glad I got her out of there when I did.

I hope this was a satisfying update. Thank you to all the redditors from my first post who helped me find out that Klemmer & Associates was an awful scam and helped me break my mother away from this awful thing. I appreciate you immensely. Thank you.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/verysadrightnow1234

I (23f) saw a facebook chat between my BF (23M) and his brother (27ishM) that was very cruel about my appearance. I just don't know what to do because it REALLY hurts.

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Body shaming!<

Original Post  June 27, 2016

I will try to make this is as short as possible. I'm taking summer courses and my laptop just broke. I asked my BF (Andy) to borrow his overnight so I could finish a paper. He gladly said yes. As I was procrastinating with reddit in one window the tab at the top started indicating that there was a new Facebook message. Not even realizing that actually Andy was logged into facebook I clicked on the tab, instantly realized that ooops this wasn't mine when I saw the message was from his brother. I didn't cut and paste but basically the message said "Dude, where's horse teeth at? You're up late?!?" (I have terrible teeth, yes, not a secret, so obviously this was about me).

I did not answer but my curiosity got the better of me and I scrolled through their conversation. While there were lots of positive things Andy said about me (she's amazing, she's very fun, I would never cheat on her no matter what [brother was pitching pretty hard to have Andy hook up with a girl from his work], lots of compliments about my rock climbing), he also said called me things like "NoBoobs McGee,""Rat's nest hair" and "avocado nose." He also went through a long conversation sort of at his brothers urging that I am far from the prettiest girl he's ever dated and sometimes he misses the dumb, big boobed types he dated in high school.

Here's the thing, I know I'm not the best looking girl. I wish I was but I've come to terms with my appearance...well at least I thought I had until last night. But I REALLY love Andy. It's not like a first love, puppy dog thing either because I've had boyfriends and been in love before and this is very different.

I don't know if I should or even could get over this...but I want to because nothing he said was untrue (I have no boobs, my nose is too big for my face and I spend all my spare time outside so my hair is a mess most of the time) and it was a private conversation I was never supposed to see. But it still hurts that Andy does not see me as even attractive compared to his other girlfriends.

How do I approach this? Or even should I? I know he would feel horrible if he found I knew about this...I don't want that. But I feel like I need to clear the air somehow...should I?

   tl;dr: I saw my BFs private Facebook conversation with his brother that included some very mean and negative things about my appearance. I'm not sure how to proceed.

TOP COMMENTS

surethatsme

>A decent guy would defend his girlfriend and not engage in tearing her down behind her back.  If you want a discussion with him then have one, but I don't think it's wrong of you to feel like this isn't something you want to get over.  And don't defend him by saying it's true.  We all have imperfections, and it is ok for people to comment on them, but this isn't that.  This is cruel.

~

laniferous

>I have to say, I'd never be able to stop hearing those words in my head, no matter how much he reassured me. I know it was a private conversation, but when I am  in love with someone, their flaws almost disappear.  That he talks about you that way is very telling. Personally, I'd find a new boyfriend.

~

abcdefghijlm

>Tell him that noboobs Mcgee is taking her rats nest hair and avocado nose and peacing out to find someone who actually treats her with the respect she deserves.

OOP Updated the Next Day - June 28, 2016/Same Post

Edit: took most of the advice here and broke up with Andy. I can't even see strait I'm so broken hearted and crying so hard. He was very apologetic and said he didn't mean any of it but to the person who said "can't unring a bell" is what kept going through my head. I can't even begin to describe how sad I am rights now. I always kept my fair Distance from guys...keeping school, climbing (I'm a semi-pro outdoor sport climber) and my community garden as a comfortable pad between getting hurt too bad. But I am smitten with Andy, everything about me and my self protective side I turned off because my heart skips a beat when he's around me. I'm crushed, I'm broken over this. I know things will be better in time but Mein Gott...I'm sick right now.

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