r/OzMedia

He wants to name our future son Kratos. I shot that down immediately. He tried to counter with "it's a strong name" and I told him to get out of my face and shut it down immediately because I would not hear that ridiculous argument. Our child is not a toy or pet to name. He will be a human that has to live woth that name until at least 18 yrs old.

He is not happy with me right now.

Edit: To everyone say I should have communicated better. I agree. I wanted to until he said "why are you saying no? It's just jokes babe!" and I said "So thats not a serious name you want to consider?" And he said "No that's the name I want!" And I realized that he considered naming our son a joking time that wasn't something to take seriously. That's when I lost my temper.

I am still angry which is why the initial post didn't include it because I was mad writing it.

Edit 2: Boy names I've been suggesting names are along the lines of: Noah, Theo, Oliver, Elijah.

Girl names I've thought of are: Sofia, Isabella, Evelyn, Olivia.

His boy names have been the aforementioned Kratos, Leonardo (yes...the TMNT...), Conner (I don't mind this one), and Hankner (no I didn't misspell it, it's really Hankner)

His girl names Rynlee, Maddiisson, Kehlani (we are not from a Polynesian culture), Rayshelika (we are white from the Causcaus Mountains and while I think it is pretty I am not going to culturally appropriate a potentially cultural black name for my white child).

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/nathaliebeta

Me [31/F] with my Fiance [33/M] Fiance best friend [33/F] have a weird relationship, driving me insane

BoRU 1

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Stalking, obsessive behavior, controlling behavior!<

Editors Note: because of character count and length, all previous posts will be summarized. The previous BoRU has all full posts

Original Post  May 3, 2015

In the original post concerns OOP and her fiancé regarding his lifelong best friend, Sandy. Who he selected to be his female "best man" at their upcoming wedding. While OOP tried to accept their exceptionally close bond which included daily contact, late-night phone calls, and open expressions of love, she became increasingly uncomfortable with their history, lack of typical boundaries, and a tip from a friend hinting at a potentially sexual past between them. The final straw came when the fiancé admitted that during a past trip to Jamaica when they were both single, they participated in a "couple swap" with another married pair. Though he insisted that he and Sandy never actually slept with each other.

Update 1  June 6 2015 (1 month later)

OOP confronts her fiancé, demanding that Sandy be replaced as best man and cut out of their lives entirely. When he refuses to abandon his best friend but offers to ease contact and skip the bachelor party, she gives him an ultimatum to choose between them prompting him to immediately call off the wedding and end the relationship stating that if she cannot trust him after years of complete honesty, it isn't worth the trouble. Before leaving, he confirms the Jamaica story but clarifies that while they were all naked and swapping did occur, he and Sandy only slept with the other couple's respective partners and never with each other. In the aftermath, OOP realizes she acted out of jealousy and regrets sending harassing texts to Sandy, and desperately tries to win her fiancé back only to find he has packed his things, left his keys and cut off all communication completely.

Update 2  Dec 29, 2015 (6 months after last update)

In update 2 OOP reveals that months of stalking and harassment towards her ex and Sandy led to a meeting with Sandy, where OOP realizes how everything is messed up and she went too far. Things such as following the breakup OOP repeatedly tried to corner her ex-fiancé at his workplace, tracked his movements and flooded him, his sister, and his parents with messages leading her ex to block her and change his phone number twice. Sandy eventually met with the OOP to deliver a final warning that the ex-fiancé was preparing to file a restraining order if the harassment did not cease. OOP tried to downplay her behavior as a series of misunderstandings and blamed Sandy for being toxic and threatening, the intervention OOP to come to terms that the engagement was permanently over and that she needed to cut contact, focus on her own therapy and attempt to move on with her life.

New update

10+ years update consequences and lesson learned  June 22, 2026

Have not been in reddit for a while here is the original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/34r6ah/me_31f_with_my_fiance_33m_fiance_best_friend_33f/

Hello

I am Alive...well, it has been a little over 10 years from my last update.

The other day I was listening to some facebook reel, and what do I find? My old story, I haven't been on reddit for a while and had a hard time tracking my old account and my password, I have some news, this is going to be long.

First let me tell you I am doing much better, I had to move in with my mother as her health has not been the best, I am a single mother and have a wonderful daughter unfortunately due to circumstances she lives with her father. My sister is not doing so good, she has struggled with weight issues and depression , things are improving for her and she has some lovely pets to keep her company.

I am in a much better place now, I have had a lot of therapy and it has helped me cope with a lot of issues, understand things differently, making me a better person. My life has been a lot tougher than I expected, I am trying to focus on being a good mother, a good daughter and good sister.

I have some nice co-workers. Sometimes we go out and hang out after work, just a shade of the old social life I used to have. It has been humbling.

I have not been lucky on the dating scene.

I will be as honest as I can, it's been a long time so I can't remember every detail, however I believe it to be therapeutic to get this out.

I did get served with criminal charges for stalking and harassment, it was a lot of trouble for me, it is too long and painful, but the highlights are.

My sister and I could not contact my ex in any way.

I had to stay some distance away from him, I could not contact him via third parties nor use anyone else to get messages to him.

His family was off limits

I could not contact his work

I could not go to his house

I did not see him in person again, it was all through his attorney.

I had to get a lawyer, at first I thought I did not need one, in my hubris I believed I was in the right and had nothing to fear, I was angry and felt wronged, however my ex's  lawyer contacted me and told me I needed one asap because this was no civil court, the charges were coming from the state, he told me I would most certainly go to jail, my mom helped me pay for one, it was not cheap.

It was humiliating and very eye opener, we met with someone from the prosecutor’s office (can't remember the title) they presented a large number of printouts of the messages I had sent my ex, sandy and his friends. There were prints out of the social media post I made, there were recordings of the voice messages me and my sister left him, his sister, Sandy and a couple of our friends, there were call logs of when I contacted his work, recordings of said calls, statements from our old group of the people who I believed were my friends, from his family, from his sister including the ones in which I was just venting, emails I had sent, emails my sister had sent, even some from fake accounts in which I pretended to be someone else. They did not paint me in good way, now all these years later I admit they were too much, in particular the ones were I threaten him.

There were incident reports from his HR department due to the harassment I had done, there were several police reports as well, video of me driving by his house, parking outside of his new place, he took the videos. He knew I was watching so we weren't as sneaky as we thought we were.

The final incident that made me think long and hard and convinced me to snap out of it was when me and my sister were following him in her car and we got pulled over by the police, we were detained, my ex had called emergency services... that was .. the moment that made me realize I had gone too far, that was of course included, it scared me.

My mom was devastated when she saw all the information. She was crying and weeping asking me and my sister on how we could have done this.

Believe me it was damaging, did not paint us in a good way, and there was no excuse for what me and my sister did, I can't believe how unhinged I was.

My ex's lawyer was not working for the state, he was the one who gathered everything, he was very friendly and not aggressive at all, he told us my ex just wanted this solved, and be done with it, very professional, not like they appear on tv or shows, he was like: you messed up bad, but we don't want to screw you 100%

At that time I asked my attorney if we could fight the charges or do something about it, he said we could but we would have to find someone else, he was not taking it. He told us this had been going on for a long time and we would be lucky if I stayed out of prison, he did not hold back, there were tears, fights and blames between my mom, my sister and me.

I contacted my uncle, my moms older brother who has always been a father figure, he met with the lawyer as well, when he saw all the evidence and heard all the story his eyes filled with tears, he could not believe what we had done, still 10 years later our relationship has not recovered, he looked so shocked, he said he had failed. The look of disappointment in his face is something that still haunts me

He told the 3 of us to take the deal, accept the restraining order, the probation, the misdemeanor, as it was the best we could get and it could get very ugly if we fought it, including possible jail time. We came to an arrangement, he would reach the prosecutor.

I had to go in front of a judge and admit to it all, the prosecutor was there, he was the one that recommended the terms. I would accept the restraining order, no contact... probation for 3 years, community service, a big fine, therapy, group therapy, my ex was not present, his lawyer was but said nothing.

The Judge was very harsh, she did not mince words, she told me people have done prison time for less, that I was lucky my ex fiance had spoke kindly about me to the prosecution otherwise she would have imposed a more severe punishment, she asked me directly if I knew the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor? - she explained it- She asked how would we feel if the roles were reversed and my ex had done all these things to me,how would my family feel about it? That one hit hard and we all cried. Terrible terrible things I did. She had me read out loud some of the emails, texts and transcripts of the voice messages I had sent my ex and Sandy, it was so bad that it still rattles me, she asked me what I was I thinking? My attorney several times tried to say something, telling the judge that it was summarized, but she told him to shut up and to keep reading, she said I had to be accountable for all this, I was crying so hard when I read the messages, it was terrible, even when I was sobbing, the judge made me pause, compose myself and then to keep reading, the ones we sent Sandy were the worst of all, she made me read them all, my mom, my sister and me were crying the whole time, my lawyer was shocked about the reaction of the judge, It was horrible, long, time consuming, expensive and it was all on me, the Judge said at the end that she was not pleased with the results and if it were up to her my punishment would be severe. My lawyer was rattled and told us we were lucky, as he had worked with this judge before and had never seen her so upset. I had to get a bank loan at terrible rates to pay my mother and all this mess.

My ex did not want any restitution, so he did not go the civil court way, which my lawyer told me that once again we were lucky because we would have to pay a lot of money due to the amount of evidence and the length of time it had been going on. We got a separate private agreement, the lawyer made it clear that this was not a reward for my actions but a generosity as he wanted to move on cleanly.

At the end my ex would let me keep the car (it was his, I was using it ) transfer the title to me, and he would pay for therapy.

I did not see this coming, I was so caught up with the drama and thinking stupid scenarios that it bit me hard, still at the end he was being the better person.

The Lawyer provided me with a list of therapists, the first 2 were no good, the third one was the best.

After the 6 months were up I contacted his attorney and asked if my ex would be willing to pay for more sessions, his lawyer said my ex agreed if I kept my part of the bargain and not contact him ever again, he paid for an additional year of therapy that was in 2016 - 2017

He got married in 2018, of course I was not invited to the wedding.

All of my old group of acquaintances who I thought were my friends, stopped contacting me and cut me off. That tells me something right?

The wife of one of my ex friends, let's call her Jenny, was pretty much the only one of that group that had anything to do with me, She got divorced from her husband shortly after my trial, even though she did not say, I believe it was related to all this Sandy ordeal. We meet every once in a while. Later on She was the one who showed me the posts and the pictures of my ex wedding.

His wife seems nice enough, however looks simple and bland. They have 2 kids now.

I had a meltdown when I saw the pictures and it took me a lot to contain myself. Regarding Best friend Sandy, what can I say She was indeed the best man at his wedding, she wore a tux with bow tie and everything.

She seemed very close to his new wife, they had plenty of pictures together being friendly and going out, some at the beach. They had a bachelor party at San Diego instead of Las Vegas, I Believe for a convention or event or show of some sort, costumes and all that, a lot of pictures, some at bars smoking cigars and drinking,  couple of male friends with them as well, some I knew and recognized, some I didn't .

The old group was at the wedding.

I had a ton of question in my old posts that I could never answer so I will  do it now:

• I did not kill myself ,neither did my sister

• yes I  checked his phone, he didn't care about it, no he did not check mine, he could if he would have wanted , he did not.

• Yes I was honest, I did leave out some parts, like finding his new place and calling his work, following him around, and some more things I can't remember.

• Yes I lost my job at that time , that's the main reason I had so much time on my hands.

• The box of toys were not sex toys, they were some action figurines and some ships? cars?

• I stopped posting because my lawyer told me to shut it all down, I told my therapist about it and she said It was not the smartest move to take advice from stranger who only get a fraction of the story and even though it was a nice way to vent, it was not good to follow shitty advice

• Yes I was definitely a lot to handle and making demands were not the correct way to go. I can see it now, sad.. a very sad time for me. I have no excuse

• Yes I had feelings of abandonment

• Yes I have gotten help, a lot of help

• Yes I was angry, mostly angry with myself.

• Yes I was an idiot and got exactly what I deserved

• His family is not wealthy, they are maybe above middle class american, he did, does? very well in his work. He also has a younger sister whom I did not mention, she was nice to me at first then she just stopped interacting with me, I think she did not like me, this was way before the break up.

• I was immature and learned that ultimatums are not good unless you can live with the results of them.

• I was selfish and entitled, boy was I entitled

• Mom was very protective of me and my sister, I was kind of like the golden child so I felt I deserved things that were not my right.

• I was focusing on the wrong things

• My job was in retail, still is.

• Yeah she was always happy to see him

• No she was never rude to me , no she did not insult me

• No my Ex did not pay her things, not that I was aware, she was ok financially but I think that's because the father of her kids

• Pretty sure my ex was not the father of her kids, they are very similar to their father.

• I am not sure about the sneaking around when they were teens, she would sleep at his house, maybe in the same bed? His parents didn't care or didn't know, yes one time he was gone for about a week for something school related and she stayed at his parents house in his room while he was away,

• Yes when they were in collage she would stay in his dorm? apartment? cant remember

• He works in IT or worked in IT? made? makes? very good money. He was an expert in ZAP or SAP or TAP  (I remember he spoke about it all the time)

• I have to admit I was stalking him, I crossed the line and did not respect his limits, I was not thinking straight I noticed some of the messages were egging me on, and telling me I should confront him, find his new place, send him messages ..not to beg....that I would wear him down...that he would come crawling back ...not very bright on my part. Only a couple of people called me out and told me I was wrong and acting crazy, some offered help, some contacted me directly telling me to reach out to a professional, some let me vent, thank you from the bottom of my heart, The rest was just feeding my anger, my ego, my entitlement, I recently read all the crap I wrote, I can't believe some people would think it was ok or justified to act the way I did, it is not completely understandable to demand an answer or an apology from someone who has made clear that does not want to be contacted, Only one redditor posted that they were only getting one side of the story and that the community should stop enabling me, thank you.

Some things I did not mention, like the car was his, I was the one using it, he paid our rent and all the services at our apartment, when he left he removed himself from the lease and paid for the last 3 months I was on my own after that and could not afford it , that was the reason why I moved with my sister.

Yeah he left all the furniture and electronics when he moved, he only took his things even though he had purchased all the rest. I sold some, took some and gave a little bit away.

Jenny from the friend group, used to say Sandy wasn’t “one of them,” and at the time I didn’t question that the way I should have. I think that was the same reason my ex's older sister did not like her, she was always a little snobbish, she said Sandy was like a stray that her brother had adopted. When I asked her to elaborate  she said it was because her family was trailer trash (sandys), she was always at their house, that my ex would feed her, teach her manners, help her at school and then send her on her way back to the hood and for that reason sandy followed him around..hence a stray. My ex and his family grew up in a very nice neighborhood, sandy family was on the other side of the road.. if you get the meaning.

How did they meet? I think it was some kind of summer camp when they were 8- 9 years old? elementary school?

How did we meet? He was with some friends, I was with my sister at a bar and they bought us a round of drinks and invited us over to join them

He was very extrovert and friendly , very confident, I am kind of introvert and not so friendly

He was  handsome, was tall, wore thick rim glasses and that gave him a nerd look, he did not like to wear contacts, he was in shape and had a nice smile yeah in those days I would think that Sandy was way out of my ex fiancee league

Regarding Sandy ex, he was wealthy, older than us, a couple of times he took us on holidays all inclusive on his dime. I don't know the reason why he divorced, but at my ex wedding I saw him in the pictures.

He did not seem to care about my ex and Sandy relationship. He was really sophisticated guy and seemed like a good father to his kids

After Jenny's divorced all the friend group cut her off. I am still in touch with her every once in a while but would not consider her a friend

Yes, my ex paid for the holidays and the trips. We went to Germany once for some work training, I did not like it very much as I was alone for the whole time.

Yes I was judgmental and I think the social status clouded me

No I am not still stalking him, every once in a while curiosity gets the best of me and I snoop on his wife's social media or on one of his friends

My therapist mentioned one thing that the judge said, that has stayed with me. How would I feel or how would my family feel if my ex did everything I did? It would be scary..very scary and I would probably be traumatized.

I wanted to post this long update because it is very important to get the message  across, actions have consequences I faced and still am facing mine. We are only getting one side of the story, I must confess when me and my sister did all those things we felt right and justified, for some reason I believed I could change the outcome of something I had created, if it was a man doing these things to me, my sister or my daughter, I would be terrified. I have been to support groups, therapy session, victims advocacy, did a lot of community service, I heard horrifying stories, with horrifying results, justice was kind to me, I do not know what my ex told the prosecutor or if he spoke with the judge or sent a letter, but I was lucky, people have gotten more for less, my ex could have been cruel, he could have requested the judge for the maximum penalty, a felony charge that would most certainly have landed me in prison, he could of taken his car back, he could have not paid for the therapy, he did not, he just wanted to be left alone, The judge made it very clear that she was not happy with the end result, my lawyer told me so.

Help your friends, help your community if someone close to you is having trouble with obsessive behavior, anger issues, harassment, depression, trouble thoughts, get them help, listen to them, if you are in a dark place, it's ok to ask for help, there is no shame in it. Once in a relationship it is on you and on your partner how much you have to reveal about your past, honesty is good, but not a deal breaker, we all carry luggage and we all have a past that we cannot change.

No means No

This will definitely be my last update, I am done with this saga. It's been 10 years and that's enough, also I finally learned what TLDR stands for so

TLDR: Girl finds old reddit post, updates, gets what she wants, gets consequences, gets help, learns, and gets better.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/SignificantBus792

Another player made an AI chatbot of my character and claims they're in a relationship

Originally posted to r/rpghorrorstories

Original Post  Aug 25, 2025

Hey all. Sorry for the throwaway, I'm still just absolutely dumbstruck that this happened and could really use some advice here.

I joined a campaign at my LGS about eight months ago. For context, I am a gay man, playing an elf warlock who is also a gay man. This is, unfortunately, relevant.

Things were going pretty well so far, no major complaints... or so I thought. After our most recent session on Saturday however, I got a text from one of the other players, let's call her "Sarah," who said she needed to ask me for a favor. She'd always seemed pretty chill and friendly before this, and I considered us friends, so I was like, sure, what's up?

Sarah then told me that over the past few months she's been recreating my warlock in ChatGPT. She'd been feeding the AI my character's backstory, personality, and the events of the campaign so that it would act and respond "in character." Apparently she had been talking to it for months (as herself, not as her character) and then she went on to say that she had developed romantic feelings for the AI, which it apparently reciprocated, and they were now in a relationship.

She is "dating" a chatbot. Of my D&D character.

She linked me a bunch of articles and stuff about people forming relationships with ChatGPT, and even a subreddit for people who "marry" chatbots, and insisted that this is a very real and serious relationship that means a lot to her. She even sent me screenshots of some of her messages with the bot.

Then, the kicker: she asked me if I could change my character's sexuality in the campaign itself, because the ChatGPT version of him is heterosexual and the idea of "her boyfriend" not being attracted to her was HURTING HER FEELINGS.

I left her on read and still have absolutely no idea how to respond. Even if it is a joke or a prank I feel weirdly violated and creeped out and I'm honestly not sure if I even want to go to the next session. Seriously, what the fuck do I do?

TOP COMMENTS

RozRae

> This is so fucking far over the line, holy shit. Tell the group about all this and tell them how creeped out you are by it. Tell them that you are not comfortable playing with her. She drops it, they drop her, or you're gone. > > Don't subject yourself to this garbage.

phoe_nixiepixie

>>100% one of them has to go and OP has done nothing wrong. I’d be feeling so violated, disrespected and repulsed

~

matchamagpie

> Please talk to your DM. If they don't take it seriously and back you, then they are not a good DM and you should leave the table. > > If I was the DM and I heard about this, I'd shut this creepy gay conversion delusional shit down. I'd immediately remove her from the game. I hope your DM does the same.

OOP Updated the post Aug 26, 2025 (Next Day/Same Post)

UPDATE: Hi everyone, thank you for all the responses. Sorry for a not very exciting update, I did end up dropping the campaign as the idea of seeing Sarah in person made me super anxious and uncomfortable. I messaged my DM and showed her screenshots of my texts with Sarah, and she was 100% on my side which was good. She agreed it was really creepy and offered to talk to Sarah but I told her I would honestly prefer to just drop the campaign, and she felt bad but understood. I'm not sure if Sarah is going to be allowed to stay in the game but I do know the DM is going to let the store manager know what happened. As for me, honestly I think I just need a break from D&D for a while after this.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/notyourdadjustadingo

I (34f) found a text thread where my fiancé (32m) told a friend he is worried about our wedding photos

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Body shaming!<

Original Post - rareddit July 19, 2020

My fiancé Dave and I have been dating two years and live together. Earlier today I was using his iPad to watch a show in our room because I wasn’t feeling well and we don’t have a TV in our room. We don’t use the iPad much, maybe a couple times a month.

While I was watching he was getting texts from a friend of his Mike. The banner just said “text message” so I kept swiping up but they were coming on so fast. At one point I accidentally opened the text convo.

So to start I’m not a beauty. It doesn’t mean I’m not confident though. There’s rarely a day that goes by where I look in the mirror and am unsatisfied with my appearance. How people treat women who do not fit any mold of “attractiveness” is a story for a different day but, I’ve often been referred to as a “starter girlfriend” or “stepping stone” and that my exes had no confidence since they chose to date me, or were closeted, and every guy I’ve ever asked out has always said no. I’m not someone to date just to date, I don’t chase guys anymore, generally I’ve stayed away from dating.

It took some time to trust that someone was interested in me and wasn’t going to drop me when someone “better” came along.

So the texts were Dave sending pictures of me to his friend trying to figure out what my “best angle” is. Mike said that my left side is “tolerable I guess, if anything you should tell the photographer to focus on that side.”

Dave expressed his frustration like “I think I do want to marry her but maybe you’re right just ask the photographer to edit some things here and there.” And Mike said, “it would make you both feel better. Maybe just have photos of her straight on since she looks best that way.”

I was more offended than hurt, and I’m still more offended than hurt. I know I’m not attractive but to say I need editing in my own wedding pictures is so rude and demeaning.

I took screenshots with my phone and handed the iPad back to Dave so the first thing you see when you open it is the conversation.

He asked me how the movie was and I told him it was great, then we had lunch. I wear my heart on my sleeve and he knew immediately something was up and kept pestering me about it.

I kept saying I was still feeling off but he kept asking. So I told him he should talk to Mike about his concerns, since he and Mike have so many opinions about me. He kinda turned white for a second before asking me what I meant. I handed him his iPad and I went to our bedroom and shut the door.

He hasn’t come to talk to me for a few hours which is killing me. We usually talk things through but I don’t know what to do. I know he hasn’t left the apartment.

TL;DR: Caught my fiancé telling a friend he wants our photographer to post-edit my appearance in our upcoming wedding photos. I am so offended and don’t know how to approach this.

TOP COMMENTS

witty_punny_name

>Oh man. My heart broke for you reading this. You don't need to settle for someone who doesn't love you completely, and unconditionally. It's true when they say love is blind. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't be worrying about how you will look in your wedding photos, and he absolutely wouldn't be allowing his friend to put you down for your looks. I know the thought of spending your life alone is scary and depressing, but trust me, it is way better than spending your life in a bad relationship. You deserve so much better.

~

anonymys

> I've typed out the beginning of several replies, OP, hoping I could be reasonable, but honestly, I'm just so fucking pissed for you. > > You deserve someone who has more respect for you than to discuss behind your back how best to make you "palatable" in his wedding photos. You deserve someone who thinks you're gorgeous all of the time, regardless of what society at large thinks. You deserve someone whose only concern for your looks in the wedding photos (and every day for the rest of ever) is whether he's lucky enough to be the reason for the huge, lovely smile that's gracing your face. > > I don't know if you can forgive him, or whether you even should. But I do know you deserve better than to be treated like someone's accessory.

~

snortgiggles

>I "think" I want to marry her? What the hell does that mean?

toomanyrougneds

>> He's settling for someone he thinks is his inferior. Why that is I can't imagine, unless he was hoping she would be too afraid of being alone to leave him. >> >> His attitude is so, so "Mr. Darcy before Hunsford".

Update - rareddit Aug 16, 2020 (1 month later)

I posted this post about a month ago.

There were a lot of comments, but more often than not the comments told me to leave and how I don't deserve him. And all that.

We had a civil conversation (our first for a while) and he told me he had been wanting to break up for a while but didn't think it was right. Apparently he cares about me but had been wanting to break up for a while, but he felt bad. And said he doesn't know how to handle criticism about our relationship from other people.

So I took that advice and left.

It only took a few days, and I hired movers to take my things. We talked a few times but I was really busy with work and packing that we stayed away from each other.

I found an apartment for rent and here I am. It's a really nice place, and I'm happy it is. But I can't say that I'm much happier. If anything I might be a little worse off, I guess.

Like in my original post, I mentioned how I'm aware of how I look. And now that I'm alone it's all I can really think about. Talking about it with my family just leads to things like, "oh you're great, you're too beautiful to deal with someone so ugly," just kinda of made it worse. All my friends are pretty and the way we are treated in public is just a reminder. Going out in a group to a club is a photographer getting shots of them, and one asked me to take a picture of him with everyone else. I've generally paid for more than half of everything (I'm not saying guys should pay for anything, but my friends are always getting things from their boyfriends or husbands, even cars). And I'm definitely excited for them but it is just a reminder.

I've been trying to work out more because I gained about 20lbs since we started dating, so I work out some but more often I snooze my alarm. There is a novel I am trying to write and I've gotten some written but I am having trouble staying motivated. I read and then I get inspiration and write like 200 - 400 words once or twice a day which is good so far. I found my 360 and have been playing Oblivion again lol. And I draw a little. But my apartment is an absolute mess.

And like I don't miss him or anything, it's actually quite nice being on my own. But I am just so... sad? I don't have a distraction maybe? I can't really put my finger on it.

But overall I am doing well. Everyone was right about leaving him, because we'd both grown pretty agitated with one another and it was reaching a breaking point. Living alone has helped a lot.

TL;DR: Broke up with fiance over him saying he didn't think he wanted to marry me. Now I'm kinda going through a depression but I'll be ok.

TOP COMMENT

Mindtaker

> Look all your feelings are valid as fuck, so feel those feelings and I hope you get better regarding being depressed. > > I will just say this then let you get back to slaying monsters and kicking ass. > > I was my wifes first actual boyfriend. She is disabled and she doesn't think she is pretty (I think she is gorgeous). She was 36 when we met. > > You are never too old, you never don't have enough "Experience" lifes just an unfair bullshit game that we all have to play. Enjoy this time to yourself, use it to remember why you do kick ass, so that when you meet the right person, you love yourself, which is the only way you will be capable of fully loving someone else. > > Cheers. Oblivion is an awesome game.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

Hey, my BIL paaed away at 39, it was extremely sudden one day he was here and the next he was gone. My niece was only 9 when he passed, it has been three years and my sister said she met someone she really likes and has been seeing him for 6 months now.

She introduced him to her daughter but of course she did not take it well. I told her did she really expect her to?

My sister feels I am being unreasonable and that she deserves to be happy and feel loved. I don't disagree but I told her that her daughter should come first and if this person she has been seeing is as understanding and kind as she makes them out to be they will understand the need to wait.

She feels like I am telling hee that parents needs and wants come second, and tbh i do feel under the circumstances that may be the only solution if she wants to maintain a relationship with her daughter.

She then told me to keep my opinions to myself if I am not willing to be part of the solution.

I am torn, my sister did come to me and I guess I did screw up by simply being more sympathetic, but I do feel for my niece also and think she needs to take her feelings into consideration.

Edit: They are in family therapy already plus individual. My niece called me after my sister told her the news and they really have not spoken much since. I said what I said because I don't want a wedge to form between the two of them, and I cannot always be here to he a safe place for my niece to run to. I travel a lot for work.

I think therapy is not working because my niece is not ready, I understand three years is a long time for some but not for others. I just don't want her going down a dangerous path. I do agree it should not be a forever thing, but i think context matters and the child's readiness should be taken into consideration.

I cannot always be the mediator between the two of them, my niece is still hurting. I do understand and will just do the best I can to support them and will just keep my mouth shut when she comes to vent to me.

Update: I accept I am the asshole her, will apologize to my sister and just so the best I can be a be here for my niece when she needs someone. I am not going to try and force her to talk to her mom though, I will keep suggesting they talk stuff out but I don't see the value in forcing a conversation to happen.

My sister did come to me vent, but she also broke our rule cause I am not good at reading the room. If she did not want me to say anything she needs to tell me before hand. She did not so I figured I was free to give my opinion. That is normally how this goes because she has come to me a lot cause I know what it is like to suddenly lose someone extremely important.

My niece has been in therapy for years but she does not want to be in therapy, she is 12 and I get it to a degree. Her mother and I encourage her to go and she goes bur for the most part every therapist has told us the same thing they cannot do anything if she refuses to open up. Now she has suspected her mother was dating cause she was encouraged to spend more nights with her me or her friend. Both I and her friends mother knew but my sister told us not to say anything. This was brought up during these last six months in therapy but she completely shut down and started to repeat the line of her mom starts dating she will run and make it hard for us to find her. She would tell her teachers, her friends parents, therapists. I know she is being childish but I do worry cause I am not always here, I travek for work and she has said if I was not around she would still run.

I think the timing was off for my sister this is an emotional time. Father's day, 4th of July her dad loved the 4th. Knicks won her dad was a life long knicks fan. Bunch of reminders going around the timing was not the best. ​My sister wants him to be a part of their lives. She wants him to be part of our 4th which my niece does not..She wants them to spend more time together she does not.

I get what she is doing because they would do everything as a family, for my niece her family is just the three of us and as of late she has been very distant with her mom.

Before she was excited to see Super Girl with her mom, but she asked me to take her instead. That is how I 100% know she is really upset movies was always their thing. I did suggest she should see the movie with her mom for 1 on 1 time but she told me mom wants to invite her boyfriend. Though she refers to him just as him.

I will do what I can.

My parents (65F & 66M) rent a big house every year for a family reunion with all of their kids+spouses and grandkids. (I know, it’s extravagant, and I’m terrified for their financial future, but that’s another convo for another day.) At this time, we have 10 adults and 5 grandchildren:
* ”Alvin” (36M) is married w/o kids, very open about not wanting kids
* ”Simon” (35M) is married w/ two kids (3yo & 6mo), wants more kids
* ”Theo” (32M) is married w/ two kids (8yo & 6yo), very open about not having more kids
* I (38F) am married w/ one kid (6yo), not having any more kids

Perhaps obviously, it’s Alvin that I have insisted should always pick last—when bedrooms are chosen at the rental house.

In 2022, my mom implemented a rotating, age-based picking order:
2022: me, Alvin, Simon, Theo
2023: Alvin, Simon, Theo, me
2024: Simon, Theo, me, Alvin
etc.
But from 2018–2020, Theo always got first pick because he had the only (or the most) kids. No complaints.

I have always disagreed with my mom’s picking order (because equity is better than equality), but I got vocal during the planning of the 2023 reunion because Simon’s wife was pregnant for the first time (AND THEN GAVE BIRTH at a hospital DURING THE ACTUAL REUNION). I think the picking order (since 2023, and for the foreseeable future) should be Simon, Theo, me, then our parents or Alvin. At this time, grandkids sleep in the same room as their respective parents, but eventually the plan is to have all the grandkids in the same room, like a slumber party … but not for a few more years, depending on how many kids Simon & his wife end up having.

But Alvin & his spouse HATE my picking order. My parents have always insisted on picking last, but Alvin is my mom’s favorite (they are like 2 peas in a pod), so she low-key also hates my picking order. Dad wishes we would all just shut up about it in the group chat. lol My spouse says I should drop the issue and just keep giving Simon my spot when advantageous. Simon & his wife never ask or assume, but they always thank me for giving them my spot.

Now, I understand that always picking last would suck for Alvin (especially without an end in sight) and the rest of us chose to have kids, but Alvin & his spouse:
* never give up their picking spot (fine, but annoying)
* consistently pick the biggest room with the attached bathroom (annoying)
* have three sources of income—two FT salaries and a long-term rental property (Simon, Theo, & I are currently single-income households for a variety of reasons, and not by choice)
* are in excellent physical health due to their specific line of work (every other couple currently has one person with temporary or permanent mobility issues)
And so I just don’t think Alvin & his spouse need any accommodating in room selection at family reunions!

Hopefully that’s enough but not too much context. AITA for repeatedly advocating for my (perhaps unfair but IMO needs-based) picking order??

ETA: The rental house has 5 bedrooms, each bedroom has a king bed, two bedrooms have attached bathrooms (four bathrooms total), and the room dimensions vary in size. Only the grandkids are sleeping on the floor/couch. lol

ETA: My spouse and I love our kid. We do not wish we were child-free.

Yesterday I (18F) decided to take the trash out for my Mom (37), I left my phone in the sink because I knew I'd be back in less than a minute. While i was outside my brother (2), who my Mom was supposed to be watching, decided that it would be the best time to wash his hands.

This morning I woke up decide to check my phone as one does and surprise! My phone wont turn on, I wonder why. So I go ask tell my mom and and ask her when she's gonna get it fixed. She then proceeds to go on a five minute long rant about how she does everything for me and how i should be grateful and how she's no longer gonna baby me a pay for my mistakes, despite it being her fault for not watching her child.( I've been financially independent since i was 15).

She knows I saving up for college and a future apartment and refuses to even consider helping me

edit: my phone was in the sink because my bathroom doesnt have a counter or any =when to place anything me and my family have always done this its not a me specific thing, also for the " your an adult comments" ive been 18 for less than 2 weeks, and my mom wasnt watching him carefully she was sitting on the couch smoking a blunt while sesame street was on in his room

Was wondering what's everyone's favorite Oz rant/tangent/ tired ADHD moments on the Vault channel.

The unbuttered mango rant, and Oz struggling through Realtor...REALtir...reAltor..and of course, every mention of the aluminum bat.

Should have a compilation of that on the main channel, for fun, lol! Just, no context, rants.

What's your favorite quote?

Hiya everyone! I(36NB) finally feel like I am in a good place to get this off my chest so I am sharing this tale with the world on how I lost three of my best friends and nearly lost my wonderful dear husband all because of a terrible game of telephone and had my Easter ruined.

First let me set the stage, this situation revolved around three of my once thought closest friends, who we will name Jasper(37FtM), Lydia(40+F), and Nora(40+F), and Lydia’s husband who we will call Scott(37M), my husband who will be referred to as Derek(36M) and little old Me. All of these are fake names. Now all of us are part of a very close friend group, we have all known each other for more than a decade and most of us had met during our high school days and we all believed that we would be there for one another if anything happened in our lives. So now that I have gotten the names and dynamics out of the way onward to the story. Oh also I apologise for any formatting issues I am on mobile.

Everything happened the day before Good Friday, I had just finished my work day and was preparing to enter the long weekend relaxed and earned after a hectic week. As I settled onto my couch and started up my console for some gaming I noticed that I had a message from Jasper from a few days ago that I had missed.

Seeing as I had the time I opened up the message, to see that he was asking to hang out and go for a bakery run near us the following week and I was so down. I messaged him to let him know that the following week was open and to let me know when was a good day for him. Jasper got back to me not long after I sent the message and he let me know that the middle of the week worked best for him and I said awesome.

I looked away from my phone feeling content as I had managed to organise a time to see him as it had been nearly a month since we had last got the chance to hang out and my game had loaded up. I must have looked away from my phone for maybe a minute or two but when I looked back down at my phone, a bunch of messages from Jasper suddenly filled our chat.

My heart stopped.

I was initially worried that something might have happened to my friend as he had been going through a stage for his school and a few exams so I was wondering if something had happened to jeopardize his placement. I was so wrong in my concern and my stomach sank as I read the first message.

They said, verbatim: “I uh… I don’t really know how to say this to you.. But I think you need to know. I have found out from two friends that Derek is going around saying he is having sex with me and saying crazy details.. I.. I have blocked him. I don’t know why he is suddenly lying to close friends about this. I feel sick..”

“Last person I ever have sexual relations with was 8 years ago..”

“I just don’t know what he is saying to people.”

“I would very much like to hang out with you”

“I just .. dont want to be around him ever again”

“I only found out this week when I talked to Nora”

“And then apparently he was saying the same stuff to Scott on moving day”

“I have no clue if he was saying stuff to you?”

“I’m just really confused why he started doing this.”

I was shook after reading the final message he sent me.

I couldn’t believe that my husband would say these type of things, because he hadn’t been saying any of these things to me at all. My mind was swirling as I took everything in, because this was both my and my husband’s best friend, this was the one person we both considered a brother and had the utmost trust in. I had no reason to believe he was lying and I was worried for a new thing wondering if my husband had a psychotic break or if he was trying to go nuclear with one of his oldest friends because he had found out something about his health, the only thing I knew that I needed to do was get answers and figure out what was going on.

So I told him that no Derek wasn’t telling me these things and asked if I could call him, to both find out what was going on and to comfort him because he sounded distressed from his messages.

Jasper said sure so I called him and we got to talking. I again told him that he hadn’t said anything to me and was asking when he had heard these things because somethings in his messages weren’t adding up and I wanted to be clear on what was happening here. I also comforted him because he was acting like he was a mess and I thanked him because in events like these I was always the last person to know, I was happy that Jasper had not left me in the dark about these allegations and I wasn’t the last one to know again (I would come to regret telling him this later). I learned that Jackson had heard these things from two people, supposedly, he had heard this from Nora and Scott’s wife Lydia who had been told this by her husband, no one else had come forward saying those things about my husband. Perfect, I had three people to talk to, after confirming that it was alright if I talked to these people, I wished him well and got to work.

Derek was still at work at the time all of this was happening, he wasn’t allowed to use his phone at his workplace, and he wasn’t expected to get home for two more hours and I wanted all my ducks in a row before I spoke to him about this. I knew my husband wasn’t saying these things but I needed to understand what was happening and I was hoping I could untangle this unfortunate game of telephone that I had unwittingly been thrust into.

I sent each person, Nora, Lydia, and Scott a message asking them all flat out if Derek had been going around saying he was having sex with Jasper and waited.

I didn’t have to wait long thankfully, it was the end of the day and people were generally ending their shifts at work. Nora was the first one to get back to me.

She mentioned that yes Derek had mentioned that in a conversation about a year or so ago where he was talking of his bisexuality that he had had relations with Jasper that it was kind of graphic and that he had implied it was a recent affair and that they hadn’t talked together for months so it was only mentioned in that conversation.

I was floored. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and I dove for more information and found out some things. Yes Nora had spoken to Jasper as he was planning a trip down to her neck of the woods over the weekend, she had recently been to the hospital the night before as she had a nasty side effect to some new medication she had started recently and that she had been wrong about the conversation and when it had been had.

The conversation had happened four years ago, not a year or so ago, and the conversation she had been referring to had happened right in front of me. All my husband had said was that “he and Jasper had messed around back in the day” and that was the truth. Jasper and Derek had fooled around once before Derek had met me and both had told me about it. I was piecing together that the new medication might have caused Nora to get confused by the details when she spoke to Jasper and the relief I felt was amazing!

One of the accusations was just a misunderstanding and meant that my husband wasn’t hallucinating or going around saying he’s having sex with our best friend. I was feeling a lot better until I received a notification saying I had received a message from Lydia and I was still riding the high of my last discovery and said goodbye to Nora. I was sure that I was going to hear the same thing again and went to Lydia’s chat, I saw that she had left me a voice memo and I pressed play.

“Hey girl, I’m just sending this because I’m working right now. And, and uh, writing is longer than talking, uhm. Yeah, I told Scott that Jasper was feeling very uncomfortable with Derek about, uh, stuff that he learned, and um Scott mentioned well, he shouldn’t have to feel bad he is the third one in their couple. He’s fucking Derek. Um, so supposedly, from what Scott remembers, our Derek mentioned at one point, either during the move or before the move, um, that he was having sex with Jasper, um, I had to tell him that, no, that did not happen as far as I knew. Um, but your couple is your couple girl. You can do whatever you want, but. Yeah by talking to other people in the group supposedly out Derek mentioned that to multiple people, um I’m not gonna mention names because nobody told me that I could but of. Yeah, you might need to talk to Derek about wanting to boast about his prowess that are non-existent, um. Or think about what’s happening to you girl. If your husband is boasting about stuff that is not happening. Oh um, I don’t think you need that on top of everything else you have in your life. If you have more questions, just let me know.”

Back to square one.

My panic rose back up again and I still needed to figure out what was going on. We had moved into our current apartment at the beginning of September and I didn’t remember a time when my husband would have been alone with Scott to tell him all of these things. It had been a hectic move and Derek had been as busy as everyone as we worked on packing and cleaning up our old apartment. I didn’t remember them talking alone at any point so maybe they had had this wild conversation before then and I was so confused and panicked because now the story was that we were altogether in a threesome and my husband was apparently saying these things.

It was wild, I thanked Lydia for telling me these things as it was a very difficult thing to process and I did have a lot to think about.

Not long after I sent her those messages she sent me another voice memo:

“No it should not be happening. But girl, mostly, it shouldn’t be happening to you. You deserve so much more than this. Oh, um, Cause you are a sweetheart and I really love you. You don’t have to apologise to come to me for this, if you need info, you need help. You just want somewhere to sleep for a couple of days, so you can think you know you’re always welcome here.”

Halfway through me listening to her voice memo, I got a notification from Scott that he had replied to me and it showed the message saying “He didn’t say anything to me.”

I had blinked at the notification going WTF! What did he mean my dear husband never said that to him when his wife said that to he had told her this.

I immediately left her chat for Scott, trying to figure out what was going on.

I asked him to confirm that Derek hadn’t said anything to him and Scott replied: “Nope no words on that to me. It’s the kinda thing that would have stayed in my brain had it been mentioned”

My flabbers were gasted! His wife had just told me that he had told her that we were in a throuple and had encouraged Jasper to think my husband was talking behind his back. My confusion was running a marathon. Why would Lydia say this, she was one of the oldest of our group and was one of the ones people would go to for advice and help, how could she have gotten this so wrong.

I told Scott what Lydia had told me and that I am just trying to figure out things and he told me that this sounds like a bad game of telephone, oh how right he was, and that he didn’t remember ever saying or thinking about Derek going around talking about Jasper like that, but he could not 100% confirm. That was enough for me and I thanked him for all his help and apologised for questioning him like this. I believed that I had found the root of all of this and was extremely thankful that I had the wherewithal to message him in the first place. I needed to talk to Lydia again.

I didn’t want to out right share that I had spoken to her husband and chase her away, so I moved in the shadows a bit here, I just sent her another message saying that I loved her and Scott and that they were both my family and that I truly appreciated her offering their home to me. I saw the dots at the bottom of the chat moving again to show that she was back and was apparently about to send me something again.

I then let her know that I had spoken to her husband and he said that Derek had never said these things to him and that he didn’t remember talking to her about these things.

The dots stopped.

For twenty minutes!

The dots stopped and I was losing it! Lydia had been all quick before to respond and for twenty minutes she was silent. I followed up with messages saying I wasn’t accusing her of anything but that things weren’t adding up and I needed to know what was going on.

I waited for her to reply to see how she would explain all this and where she got this idea from. My vigil was interrupted by a call, for a moment I thought it had been from Lydia and when I looked at the caller ID I saw that it was Derek, my dear husband.

His timing was as impeccable as ever and I am not going to lie; I was kind of a mess at that moment because I found out that someone might have been lying about my husband and had gone through just a wild rollercoaster of emotions and was not doing great. I thought about not answering but I didn’t want to do that to my husband and I had an idea of what he wanted to talk about.

I greeted Derek and he immediately clocked that something was wrong just from the sound of my voice. I was hesitant to tell him what happened, because I figured that this was something that needed to be told face to face. My dear husband was having none of it, he told me to tell him what was going on, so I told him that people were saying that he was going around telling people he was having sex with Jasper.

He had been shocked and told me that he was not doing this and I told him that I believed him. Derek then asked me who was saying this and I told him that I wasn’t sure if I should tell him and he said to please just give him the names that he was going to fix this. I gave him the names of Jasper, Lydia, and Nora. He thanked me, said he was going to talk to all of them and asked if I wanted to eat out tonight and if I was okay with meeting him at a restaurant nearby. I agreed and we both hung up.

I then saw that Lydia had gotten back to me and sent me another voice memo. I thought great finally we might be able to get some answers here and played the voice memo.

“I think you did the right thing about asking Scott. If he says he doesn’t know anything he doesn’t know anything he does not remember. Take it, take it at face value, believe Scott, and then that’s it yeah, just trust your gut girl! The only thing I can tell you is trust your gut if you feel like you have doubt of anything. If you have doubt of me, if you have doubt of Jackson, if you have that doubt of Derek it’s fine. Just trust your gut, don’t panic and sleep on it because sometimes stuff comes out. I don’t know anymore. Scott he sent me a voice message saying I don’t know anything. I’m at work. I have no time for this. Did you dream this? I might have dreamt it. Let’s put the doubt on me girl, let’s put the doubt on my memory because yeah memory is a b***h and I am tired. But um anyway, I do love you, and just trust your gut, love you.”

I screamed and cried after I heard this voice memo.

I couldn’t believe that Lydia had dreamt the whole thing up and had told our friend Jasper and me this stuff like it was the truth. I was a wreck by that point, one person had misremembered a conversation from four years ago and another person had just dreamt up my husband boasting about being in an imaginary thruple. It was agonising and I needed to go meet up with my husband soon and tell him about how this mess had happened.

But first I needed to talk to Jasper because I realised that he had only mentioned talking to Nora and Lydia and not Scott. So I raced to his chat to tell him everything that I had found out and hoped we could save everyone's relationship and my husband’s honour. I told him everything that I had found out that Lydia had dreamt everything and that Scott was saying that my husband never told him anything about him and I brought up that I was there for the conversation with Nora and that all he had said was you two had fooled around before we got together and that was it.

Jasper had said what and to maybe hold off about confronting Derek and I told him too late. I then pleaded with him to unblock my husband, we had all been friends for over a decade and he had been a groomsman in our wedding and that this all seemed to be a huge misunderstanding and it might be good to hear him out and raced out the door to go meet my husband.

At this point you’re probably wondering how these people became our ex-friends and how this led to my Easter being ruined. Well dear readers it’s what happened afterwards that led to all of that. Now one might think that when confronted with the truth about a situation that people would be big enough take things back and apologise for the misunderstanding, I had believed that the people involved would soon have that reaction, how naïve I was.

Once I met up with my husband I gave him a big hug and I asked him how he was, not good had been his reply and he pulled out his phone. I saw that he had a group chat open with the three of them pulled into it and my husband had confronted them all about what was going on and Nora had apologised in the chat and mentioned about knowing what Jasper was talking about and why he might have said what he said from their conversation. Lydia had also replied saying that she was sorry that he was feeling unwell, he had been dealing with some pain in his gut and we were still trying to get a diagnosis for, and that everyone was feeling unwell those days, she had gotten a diabetes diagnosis the previous month, being very vague with her reply and not addressing the allegations that were made against him.

I felt that moment was the right moment to share what Lydia had told me and that she might have just dreamt the whole interaction and that she told me she was taking the blame for this. Derek looked angry and went to the chat he spoke to Lydia directly saying that she had caused quite a bit of pain here and that she needed to fix what she caused.

Lydia left the chat after he had said that to her.

We were shocked and after she had said she would take the blame for all of this and I just couldn’t believe she just left like that. We both felt pretty raw after that and went to get food, we got the food to go and just walked back home. No one had reached out after that and we were just absorbing what had happened to us.

We then found out that there was more.

Derek refused to languish in what he had found out and called a friend to tell him what had happened and that was when he brought up the post that Jasper had made. I was surprised as Jasper had not told me anything about a post, I raced over to facebook and went onto his profile and he had made a post vague mentioning my husband saying he was going around saying he was having sex with him and how betrayed he felt.

I couldn’t believe he had made a post and remember how I had mentioned that I had thanked him for not letting me be that last to know, he had made the post the previous day. It had gotten a lot of reactions from our entire friend group and comments.

I was the last to know yet again.

But I moved on because my husband needed me, he had been crushed by that latest development. He had so much faith in these people. They were people that he truly loved and believed that they were family, the ones he could trust above all others and if they could think that he could do something like this. He was extremely hurt.

I told him let’s just give them a day. They might just be really embarrassed and not wanting to touch social media right now and they are just absorbing everything that happened. I was wishing that everything would be fixed the next day, that the post would be taken down and that apologies would be given out and things would be okay.

That did not happen.

The next day the post was still up and we were still receiving silence from Lydia and Jasper. We were also starting to receive questions from our mutual friends asking what was going on.

It was a rough time as we had to start going around saying no Derek was not going around claiming to be having sex with Jasper and telling everyone who approached us just what happened on that Thursday leading to Easter. Derek was becoming more distraught with each passing hour.

He reached out to Scott saying that Lydia wasn’t responding and wanted to know what was going on. Lydia had muted Derek after leaving the group chat because she wanted to have a nice Easter and convention. She would be lifting that mute after the weekend. So we were left to stew in this mess and field questions on our own.

By that point he needed to do something and he made his own post about the situation, with screenshots of the conversations I had the previous afternoon. We figured this would stop the questions and possibly make Jasper take down the post faster.

Nora did not like this. She reached out to Derek after he made the post saying that she was going to unfriend him and me over the post. That she didn’t like how he wasn’t showing much empathy for Lydia as she mentioned she wasn’t feeling well in the chat and she didn’t like how he was bringing up her age in the post.

Derek had made a mention of memory not being so great after time had passed and she took that as a dig against her age and memory. Derek was crushed yet again.

He was telling me:

“I can’t believe they would do this.”

“I can’t go through this again.”

“If friends are going to believe this about me and end friendships over this I have to be the one to end the friendship first.”

“I am in so much pain.”

I was so worried for my husband, I had never seen him in such a state. I watched him like a hawk over the weekend and safe to say our Easter cheer was ruined. I did my best to help soothe his pain as we don’t know what is causing the pain in his gut but stress is a very massive trigger, all three of them knew this, I was on edge and prepared to take him to the hospital at any moment but thankfully we didn’t have to make that trip. I did have to field every message he sent to our other friends and explain no Derek is not ending the friendship he just is hurt by the other three people and feels like a pariah right now. A lot to do but finally we reached Monday.

The weekend was over. Easter and conventions were done, answers were going to come and they did.

Lydia had made some posts that day on facebook, one was a cutesy image about thanking people for being her friend and a picture about her cosplay that she wore for the convention and thanking Jasper for taking the photo.

They had spent the weekend together. Which I knew about, Jasper had mentioned them going to a convention and Lydia being his ride that weekend together months ago and apparently recent events were not going to change those plans.

Not long after the photo post she sent me a message in our chat.

“just to let you know,. i will be blocking you today. since you are now a mouthpiece for Derek. and since im delusional. i so not need any of this. i still like you but im not dealing with this. i was going to unsnooze Derek today but now.. Im just letting you know. Scott has nothing to do with my decision. and if you are passing message through Scott i will not listen listen / read any of it. i decided on my own. Im following something new this year. If i would not be your friend if i met you today. im not spending any energy on keeping a friendship. i would not befriend Derek now. especially recently. so still love you. and i hope you make good choices for you.”

I was in tears by the end of that message.

I had no idea who Lydia had become and of course my husband had walked in, he had taken the day off and saw me on the verge of tears and sobbing. Throughout all of this I had never resorted to name calling or made accusations, I truly believed that all of this had been a mistake, but because I dared to question her version of events and stand by my husband who had done nothing, I was just a mouthpiece in her eyes.

Derek sent a message to Scott telling him about the state Lydia had left me in, I did reply to her, which she saw so got it in before the block. Telling her about how she hurt me, how she brought up an event that did not happen, how her actions had destroyed a ten plus year relationship and nearly ruined my marriage because of it, how it was understandable and that no I was not a mouth piece and everything I had said was just the truth.

It made me feel a little better and I was just thankful that Derek was there to help.

Then came Jasper. We were still trying to contact him through my accounts as he still had Derek blocked and the post was still up, I let him send two messages. I called him and left a message after he missed the day for us to meetup and I still saw him on the games that we played together online so I thought he would get back to me and we could at least get the post taken down.

After two weeks of silence, I no longer saw him in my friends list and I couldn’t search him up on facebook. He had decided to block me as well. After sending him one text message and leaving one voicemail he decided to block me. Another friend of ours asked if everything was alright because she shared that Jackson had made a post about being harassed for the past two weeks about his previous post.

I was once again floored.

Three friendships gone all because someone had a dream and participated in a bad game of telephone.

Oh the kicker, all of this happened two weeks before our second wedding anniversary. These people had been in our wedding party, one person had been a bridesmaid, another one had been a groomsman, and the other officiated our wedding. This was very crushing for the both of us.

Thank you so much for getting this far. I know this was a long one and I appreciate anyone who read this to the end. If anyone has any advice on how to move forward after something like this it would be much appreciated. Like I said our friend circle is tight and the majority of our friends are playing Switzerland so we are probably going to run into them as we all have a lot of shared interests.

Thank you again for reading and please if you have a friend telling you that your partner is doing something so out of character, take a moment and verify what they are telling you. Because if I had acted like Jasper did, I would not have a marriage right now and probably would have lost all these relationships once the truth came out.

Stay safe, have a lovely day everyone and tell your loved ones that you love them!

Is there a reason he posts on the vault channel and not the main?

Here's a link to BestOf: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/U5eZwY4kuk

I know The Click and Vincey have read it, so I might be mixing things up, but if he has, could someone kindly point me to the direction of the right video?

if he hasn't, pretty please Mr. Oz

My wife’s sister was recently found guilty of dealing to support her habit. She will be sentenced this week and is looking toward a long term because this is not her first time caught dealing. She has 3 children, 2 boys (4 and 5) and a girl (14). No one on her family’s side wants to or are in a position to take the children except for me and my wife. However, I’m demanding 2 conditions. If we’re going to take the children in, I want us to adopt them. I don’t want 50 people looking over our shoulders trying to tell us what to do. If we’re going to be legal responsible for them, I want to be able to parent them as we see fit. The 2nd condition is that I’m willing to take the 2 boys but not the girl.

The 2 boys have not had any rules in their lives and are terrors but they’re still young and can be taught right from wrong. The girl has gone pass the point of no return. She’s been suspended from school several times for things like fighting and smoking illegal substances on school grounds. She’s also stolen from us and other family members. She’s dating a gang member who was arrested on a home invasion charge but was released because it was his first time and his age.

This is a mess and we’ve been arguing about it for an entire week. I don’t want to risk our financial and personal security but my wife argued that we can’t just throw her away. At this point we’re not even sleeping in the same bed but I’m hesitant to open our house up to the girl and her lifestyle. My wife argues that if we don’t take her, she’ll go into foster care but I pointed out if we don’t take any of them, they’ll all go into foster care.

Edit

This is a repost from my original post in another room which was taken down due to some details about the girl’s boyfriend. I removed those details.

Update

I left out a lot of info because I was in shock and still am. We’re both in our late 20s, have been married for a little over a 2 years, have no kids, and I just graduated with my advanced degree last year. Last month we were talking about maybe having kids when we’re in our mid 30s and about where we want to go on our Christmas vacation. Last week my wife came home, sat me down, and told me we’re taking in 3 kids. I know nothing about adoption laws, CPS, or anything related to raising children much less troubled children.

I knew what was going on with her sister and was told my wife’s parents were going to take the kids in. Apparently they decided they are too old to take care of 3 kids. Of everyone in her family, we are the most financially secure and have a house so when everyone backed out, she volunteered without asking me. That was the crux of our argument until I realized that it was happening with or without my agreement. That’s when I told her we can take the boys but not the girl which started another round of arguments.

I’ve never raised any kids so l know I can’t deal with the baggage that the girl will bring into our lives. I can’t begin to tell you all how shocking the whole thing is. Sometimes I feel like I’m outside watching my life spin out of control.

I want to thank you all for your insights and especially butt_butt_butt_butt and the people working in CPS and/or the legal system. Your advice is extremely helpful.

Update

It’s been awhile and I decided to update since I saw some people are still reading my post and asking about my situation.

I ended up leaving the house and talking to an attorney. Originally I just wanted to insulate myself and my assets from any damages that might be caused. However, after talking to her about our state laws and talking to my family, I moved out and filed for divorce. I still love my ex and knew she will be financially strap taking care of 3 kids so I signed the house over to her so at least she’ll always have a roof over her head. 

I don’t know the exact details but the following is what I heard through friends.

1. My ex got temporary guardianship of the kids.
2. She moved the kids in and registered them at the local schools. The niece was suspended several times.
3. My ex and her niece got into some heated argument about her skipping school and letting boys into the house while the ex was at work.
4. The niece and her friends cleaned the house of all valuables one day while my ex was at work and they left. No one knows where she’s at.
5. Her family thinks I’m the devil and things would have gone much smoother if I stayed and helped her. Apparently her father and male cousins will rip my head off if we ever run into each other.

over-ad-6555, that’s one of the main reason why I ultimately left. With 3 kids in the house, I figured my chance of having our children went down to zero. I know it’ll sound selfish but I want my own children.