r/MarkNarrations

Since childhood, I never had many friends, so the person closest to me back then was my cousin. We were truly very close, to the point that our family and the people around us thought we were in love (I’m Arab, and relationships between cousins are acceptable to some people here, so it wasn’t considered strange). We explained many times that this wasn’t the case, but no one believed us. Then, years later, he confessed his love to me! I was honestly shocked and confused, but I gathered my courage and told him that I only saw him as a friend and a brother, and that I did not have any other feelings for him.

A few years later, I was shocked for the second time when my father told me that this same cousin had asked for my hand in marriage. I immediately called him, and we argued because he had put me in a situation where I felt cornered. However, it turned out that it was actually his father’s idea, because he believed we were close and suitable for each other. The matter eventually ended there.

But now, a year later, he has started hinting at his feelings for me again, indirectly and jokingly. I truly love him, but not as a lover or husband — only as a friend and brother. My sister thinks I should give him a chance and try, but can I really be in a genuine relationship without romantic feelings toward him? I don’t want to hurt his feelings for the hundredth time; I feel like I’ve hurt him enough already. And now I pretend to be oblivious and foolish by acting as if I don’t notice the things he implies...

By the way, he is always expressing jealousy over any male figure in my life. He even gets jealous of fictional male characters I write in my novels and refuses to let me gush about them in front of him hahaha. It’s honestly kind of funny.

What do you think I should do? Should I give him a chance like my sister suggested, or should I reject him clearly and firmly?

I 25f live with my husband 24m and my brother 23m and my brothers girlfriend 22f is driving me insane

2 years ago my husband and brother wanted to start a business, and I happened to be in the position to be able to cover all our bills (albeit with a TIGHT budget) so they can get the business off the ground. My brother moved in with us, he's not the perfect roomate but he was neat and tidy. They are not pocketing money yet but the business is paying for itself with a bit to spare.

He got with his girlfriend about a year ago and at first I was really happy for him, she was loads better than his previous girlfriend and things were cool.

She basically immediately moved in, and since then, nothing but misery on my side, I'm just gonna list some things that really bug me in no specific order:

She brings home food all the time from going out and leaves it in the fridge until it molds and we have to throw it out

The floor in their room is completely covered with clothes and fast food bags and cups and bags left half unpacked from a trip months ago

She's 22 and doesnt have her lisence, she makes my brother cart Her and her coworkers and her family around everywhere (and gas is not cheap right now)

She doesnt let him cuddle with his cat at night cause he (my brother) can only cuddle her

Uses her bipolar diagnosis (unmedicated to my knowledge) as an excuse for everything

Makes him wash her clothes, she also showers here and has her big computer set up. My water bill and electricity bill have gone up $50 each since she "moved in"

They fight (yell fighting) literally daily and its always something he did wrong (2 days ago, she signed him up to take her family mini golfing 30 min away, didnt tell him about it, then got mad that he said no when she told him last minute)

He works day shift, she works evening shift, and she makes him stay up ALL NIGHT (2am+) so they can have time together, so he's always tired and not doing his best for the buisiness

She said he was in a dead end job (starting his own buisiness) and he was a deadbeat for living with his sister (I pay all his bills and groceries etc)

My husband and I are both really bad with confrontation, and he mostly feels the same way as I do, but im so afraid that its gonna cause something bad between my brother and I, shes gonna make his life hell if I say something but I literally dread coming home just in case she's there.

I came up with a list of non negotiables, I guess I'm asking if these sound reasonable

If youre going to:

Use our wifi

Use the shower/wash your clothes/etc

Have your computer plugged in

Youre going to need to:

Help pay bills

Keep room CLEAN 100% floor visible

Get your license

No more:

Having brother drive your coworkers and family all over

Youre 22 learn how to drive. Non negotiable

Critters in my house

I'm sure I'll think of more but its midnight and I can't stop thinking about it as I hear them bicker in the next room. I just want a clean, peaceful home again. So I'm throwing this into the void to try and get some feedback. Thank you for your time. :)

TL;DR: Brothers girlfriend moved in, Might be related to Oscar the grouch, I just want a clean peaceful home.

If anyone could be so good, pls consider an upvote and comment. I know it's low effort but I don't know what else to do

https://www.youtube.com/live/KdhFjgLraMM?si=7obSW0GeZrhAUaj-

https://youtu.be/gRdvaik-dJI?si=wNpU1EKKC57I9l3A

I (31F) bought my nephew “Eli” a toy drum set for his 2nd birthday today (17 May), and now my brother is angry with me.

For context, Eli is OBSESSED with music and noise. He constantly grabs spoons and bangs on pots and pans while screaming/singing Baby Shark at the top of his lungs. It’s adorable… and also slightly irritating after a while, but he was 1, so everyone just laughs and lets him do it.

Morning rolls over, and my Nieces “Maya, “Nina (fake names), my sister inlaw and my Nephew came downstairs so I bought gifts for all of them. Eli got the drum set because I genuinely thought he’d love it.

My mom bought him a toy car, and my brother and SIL bought him a toy gun set.

At first Eli looked hesitant opening my gift, but once I set it up and showed him how to use the drumsticks, he absolutely LOST HIS MIND with excitement. He immediately started banging on the drums and laughing. My SIL was taking tons of pictures because she thought it was cute.

My brother, however, was dead silent the entire time.

Eventually everyone packed the gifts up and went upstairs while I went back to studying. A little while later I suddenly heard screaming downstairs — specifically Eli yelling “Daddy no!”

Turns out my brother was trying to take the drum set away because Eli wouldn’t stop playing it and was making a huge racket.

Then my brother came downstairs angry at ME asking why I would buy that and saying I’m “encouraging this stupid phase.” He also brought up that when my nieces Maya and Nina were younger, I bought them LeapFrog educational toys instead of “annoying crap like this.”

That turned into a full argument because:

Eli genuinely loves music/noise already.

He’s 2 years old.

THEY bought him a toy gun set and my mom bought him a noisy toy car, so I don’t get why my gift is suddenly the issue.

I honestly wasn’t trying to make their lives harder. I just bought something based on what he actually enjoys.

AITA?

{Note: The names are fictional, just so you don’t get confused between the events.}

I feel like I’m losing my mind from overthinking. I desperately need opinions about this issue I’ve been struggling with.

I’m (Linda), 27 years old. “Helen” is my close friend, 25. I met her through a social media app 7 years ago. Our relationship was very strong to the point where we used to tell each other that we were family — sisters not connected by blood.

Recently, however, she has become extremely bothered whenever anyone gets close to me, even if she was the one who introduced me to that person in the first place. She also doesn’t want to hear any news about me from a third party; she wants me to personally tell her every little detail about my life before anyone else does. It got to the point where I was even telling her what happened during my therapy sessions. She once sent me a direct message explicitly saying she was jealous of me getting closer to “Sally,” a mutual friend she herself introduced me to. Now she doesn’t want me and Sally to have any connection with each other — she wants each of us to speak to her separately, without involving the other.

As for my therapist, she kept telling me she didn’t trust him and that I should be careful, until eventually I stopped attending those sessions altogether.

The problem didn’t stop there. For over two years now, I’ve been telling her that I want to regain passion for something in my life. Since we share the same interest in this hobby, I wanted us to work on it together. But every time, she suggests we do a video call to motivate each other, and then the whole thing falls apart before it even begins. She changes the subject completely, starts screen-sharing dramas she watched and became obsessed with, or talks endlessly about things happening in her own life.

She also deliberately does things she knows I’m trying to quit while we’re on calls together, or sends them to me insisting that I look at them.

“Sally” introduced me to “Eddie,” a friend of hers who needed emotional support, and she wanted us to volunteer together to help him. I asked Helen, and she agreed. Later, she admitted herself that she only agreed because I did. Then, when she found out that me, Sally, and Eddie were on a call together, she got angry because we hadn’t invited her. She left all the group chats between the four of us and didn’t speak to me again until four days later. Her attitude was cold and emotionless, and she said she wanted to withdraw from everything, including our friendship.

Every time Eddie is mentioned, she starts an argument, interrogates me, and gets upset that I talk to him — to the point that she swore never to bring the subject up again after giving me a long lecture about how uncomfortable she feels about him.

At one point, she even told me that my father and brother were absolutely right not to approve of me leaving home because I’m too naïve and treat everyone with excessive openness, which she believes is dangerous.

She once told me that she sees me as her daughter, even though I’m older than she is, and that she considers herself the “mother” responsible for protecting me from everything and everyone.

I know how dear I am to her, just as she is dear to me, but things have become out of control. I can no longer handle not being able to speak honestly about what I’m going through because she won’t accept it and will start a fight with me.

What should I do? I’ve started taking important steps forward in my life, and every time I tell her I want to do something, she discourages me and emotionally manipulates me.

I honestly don’t even know how to process my marriage anymore and I need outside perspective because my reality feels shattered.

My husband and I have been together for over 9 years, married almost 7. We built a home together, had a baby, renovated our house, planned a future. I moved countries for this man. I left behind my family, friends, familiarity, my support system — everything. I worked jobs I absolutely hated at times because we were prioritizing his schooling, career moves, and opportunities that would bring more income and stability for our future together. I truly believed we were building a life as a team.

About a month ago, my entire world collapsed.

I found out he had been cheating on me for over 3 years with escorts/prostitutes. Not one mistake. Not one drunken night. An entire hidden life.

And somehow it gets worse.

About 2.5 years ago he brought an STD home to me. I was completely blind to what was actually happening. When I confronted him, he turned it around on me and suggested maybe I had cheated. Then he reassured me it “couldn’t be him,” and I believed him. I genuinely thought maybe one of us somehow got it years ago and just never got tested for it. Thankfully it was something treatable with antibiotics, but mentally it destroyed me after learning the truth.

The hardest part is that he says he “didn’t want feelings attached” and “didn’t want to lose me.” Meanwhile I was home raising our 9-month-old, working full time, trying to survive postpartum, trying to hold our household together, and trying to make our relationship work — believing intimacy struggles were something we could heal together as a couple.

Then a month ago he admitted that during a training trip for his license in California, he hired an escort to stay with him at his hotel for multiple days. According to him, she stayed longer because she “liked him,” and over those few days he developed feelings for her. They started talking about an actual future together — her moving into my house, him proposing a polyamorous relationship, and building some fantasy life together while I was home with our child.

What completely shattered me is that they were even discussing creating a fake “origin story” for her so people in our lives would not know she was an escort if she moved here. It made me realize how deep the deception actually went.

And like a lot of people with betrayal trauma, my brain started spiraling trying to understand what was real and what was a lie. We shared passwords for years, and he was extremely good at hiding everything. Deleted emails, hidden conversations, lies layered on top of lies. But eventually I found email chains with other escorts and realized he had even tried inviting one to our apartment while I was away — during the same time I was pregnant and going through a difficult pregnancy.

That part especially broke something in me. The idea that strangers were being brought into the home and space I considered safe while I was carrying our baby feels deeply violating.

I also found messages, photos, plans, promises between him and the escort from California. And what hurts even more is that after everything came out, he promised he would cut contact with her, go to couples therapy, and focus on healing our relationship at least enough to become healthy co-parents. But he continued lying and continued contact behind my back again.

The craziest part to me is that no emotionally healthy person throws away a marriage, a family, a child, a home, and years of shared history over a one-month fantasy relationship with an escort. I knew for years that my husband had emotional issues and unresolved problems, but he refused therapy over and over again.

What they had existed in a completely controlled environment — hotels, trips, excitement, no responsibilities, no baby waking them up at night, no bills, no real-life accountability. Of course it felt exciting and easy. It was basically an escape from reality.

But I also think people in situations like this wear rose-colored glasses. They confuse fantasy, validation, and escapism with real love. Real relationships are built in ordinary life, through responsibility, loyalty, stress, sacrifice, and consistency — not during a few days in a hotel while paying someone to be there.

Looking back now, I realize how much instability he brought into my life long before I knew about the cheating. Constant impulsive decisions. Need for validation. Lying and exaggerating reality to impress people. Wanting admiration from everyone around him. I kept hoping maturity would come with time.

Financially, emotionally, mentally — I feel like I sacrificed everything for our future while he was living a double life. Over the past couple months alone, he spent thousands of dollars on this woman while our family life was falling apart.

What destroys me most is the level of deception. This wasn’t just cheating. This was manipulation of my reality for years. Taking away my ability to make informed decisions about my own life, health, marriage, finances, and future.

At this point, staying is no longer an option. I don’t recognize this person anymore and I don’t think trust can survive this level of betrayal. The part I’m struggling with now is accepting that the future I built my entire life around is gone, and figuring out how to rebuild myself after all of this.

Has anyone gone through rebuilding their life after something like this? How did you even begin?

Mood Spoiler: A heavy, depressing read

Trigger warnings: >! Rape, Emotional abuse, Disordered Eating!<

This is a particularly saddening post for me to put together, as India is yet to criminalize marital rape despite courts pushing for it. If this has occurred to OOP post her wedding, we would be hearing a different chain of events than these updates bring us.

As always, I am not the OOP. That would be u/the_rice_life

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Broke off my engagement because consent was not respected

posted by u/the_rice_life in r/TwoXIndia on April 18, 2026

I was in a long term relationship and was supposed to marry last year. But one thing led to another and last year because some of my relatives passed away so the wedding was postponed.

My ex always had a higher libido than me and while mine is on the lower side. When we were doing long distance before, then it wasn’t a big issue and we have lived together for past 4 years almost.

Past couple of years we had a lot of friction regarding intimacy. We managed to solve our differences but his need for intimacy and penetrative sex grew exponentially. We started having on and off fights.

He’s going through a rough time professionally also. So sex became his coping mechanism and that started to cause more friction. Like this man was so understanding and rational before, now fought about the frequency of sex.

Few days ago we had sex and he left a lot of hickeys. I was okay that day as he had asked. The next day I was laying next to him and he didn’t ask for my consent. Wide opened my leg and penetrated me and ejaculated inside me. I was crying in disbelief. I packed my bags and took my dogs and left for my hometown immediately.

I left the ring at his place and broke things off. My phone has been bombed by calls and texts. He doesn’t seem very apologetic about it and rather is worried about how this breakup will affect his image.

His mother calls me and tries to convince me. She was justifying, saying that fights and wanting time and intimacy was because he loves me too much. I politely cut the call saying that I can’t continue this and will file a restraining order if they keep bombing my phone.

I loved this man so much. We were together for 6 years now. Never expected him to become this demon. I’m unable to process all of this and I feel so violated. I’m disgusted of my own body.

OOP Comments:

>I had to run for my life. I had to take refuge at a guy friend’s place very late at night because it got worse. My ex was fumed and he started yelling and calling me names

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Update 1

Posted April 22, 2026 by u/the_rice_life in r/TwoXIndia

This is the original post and I’m so thankful for all of you for your support. I wanted to reach out individually but my mental state is all over the place.

I’ve reached my hometown today and till yesterday what happened is a series of unfortunate circumstances. My ex abused me a lot on the call from various numbers. His mother called me names.

He called me a wh0re, s£ut, opportunistic and a manipulative woman. Suddenly after breaking up people are giving him tips about me and also called me a cheat because I took refuge at a guy friend’s place. Said that people always had bad taste about me as I make people fight. So far I was the best person till I didn’t comply to his demands of sex.

Yesterday they bombed all of our phones and said that they want all the gifts back. His mother said, “how can you not love the person but love the gifts?”This started because I told a mutual friend about the abuse and they happen to confront my ex. The ring was already in our flat and I sent double the estimated amount of money that he could have spent on me.

Ex and his parents wanted to meet in person and possibly humiliate mine. They wanted the “gifts” and money in person There were 50+ calls in all our phones. We had to involve police and they stopped calling us for good. Like his mother was hell bent on fighting with my mother and the narrative of me being a cheat is all over.

What makes it worse is that my ex said something so lowly, I never foul mouthed him. He said, “you’re a woman and you came to my bed. The world knows who’s what.” That broke something so deep in me and that I’ve to prove my abuse socially too. He also said that he’s not letting me off the hook easily.

FIR (First Information Report) has been filed. My lawyer has all the evidences ready. All texts and call records are available. CCTV footage of him barging in my friend’s house too. All numbers are blocked and we’re not picking up any calls and laying low. But I’m pretty sure that they’ll consider this cowardice and create more drama.

My world flipped so quickly and this bad that I’m having a very hard time keeping calm. I had built a reputation around me and it came down crashing when I had to prove my abuse.

I don’t even know what’s going to happen and will I ever recover from this. I don’t know if I’ll make out of this mess alive. I wasn’t expecting this level of drama. I’m scared.

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Update-2

Posted by u/the_rice_life in r/TwoXIndia on May 6, 2026

This is what had happened.

TW :- mental health crisis discussions

The threatening calls have stopped, no chasing me around and my lawyers are doing phenomenal with the case. It’s an on going case and so I can’t speak more about it because I could be doxxed. I’ve also got my period so there’s one less thing to worry about now. But there’s silence now and it’s both calming and terrifying at the same time.

I don’t know what day it is and I’ve lost track of time. I’ve developed an eating disorder, I get panic attacks on a regular basis. Smiling one moment and then a minor inconvenience can make me cry. I cried sometime ago because I didn’t feel like getting up for drinking water. I’m very scared of going outdoors without a company and I fear that I’ll never be able to get past this fear.

I’ve no siblings and my parents are old and they can’t accompany me everywhere. They’ve had their share of humiliation and now they’re worrying over time. Some relatives have made it a point to let me know what an asshole I’m. That’s making parents even more uncomfortable. So I refrain talking about things to them.

I’m contemplating to restart therapy but I can muster the courage to restart talking about whatever happened. I want to forget all of it like a bad dream. But I just can’t. At random hours of the day, I hear those voices calling me wh0r€, s£ut. My ex chasing me at my friend’s place. Phone ringing gives me massive anxiety.

The irony in all this is that I have massive trust issues and I doubt my ability to recognise people. But I still want companionship and safety because I have no one to turn upto. Something is so wrong with myself and I can’t dim that want down. Yes, friends are being supportive but they are also getting uncomfortable looking at my situation I believe.

I’ve lost control of myself, my emotions. I’m so tired and I want to rest without having to worry about anything. Atleast one night of no overthinking and peaceful sleep. Like a baby who has nothing to worry about what will happen the next morning.

I’m tired.

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Marking this as ongoing as legal proceedings are still going on.

Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Hi, this is my first time posting to Reddit so please bear with me if this is a bit all over the place. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes I’m writing this on my phone.

Im 16(f) and my mom is 40(f). Me and my mom’s relationship has been a bit strained for a while now and it’s taken a toll on me. I don’t really know where to put this so I’ll just list some of the stuff my mom does that really mess with me.

- My mom yells a whole lot, it’s incredibly easy to make her angry and her and my sister 12(f) have gotten into screaming matches in the past which have ended in them physically fighting, though I fighting is usually my sister my mom had hit my sister before. The fighting is especially bad as me and my sister’s rooms share a wall and since that’s where I go when they fight so I can get away from it I’m stuck in my room while they fight in the hallway.

- Me and my sister get in trouble for being sick or hurt. A few months ago me, my sister, and my mom went camping with my cousins and aunt. I got a bad sunburn on my feet to the point I was sobbing just putting on my socks. I was sitting my the lake reading when my mom told me to go with my cousins on a scavenger hunt. My crocs were too small for me and this wasn’t somewhere I wanted to walk around barefoot so I had to put on my shoes. Dispite trying not to I started crying from the pain and my mom looked concerned and asked what was wrong. I told her my feet hurt and she rolled her eyes and reluctantly let me stay. Another time was close to the beginning of school, I got really sick to the point I felt physically weak, but we needed some clothes for school so my mom dragged me and my sister to the mall. I was very obviously not okay and it was making my mom upset and passive aggressive, which she is often about most things, and I ended up throwing up on the car ride home and my mom yelled at me demanding to know what was wrong. For context I have anxiety so when I told my mom I thought I was sick she didn’t believe it and told me it was just my anxiety. It wasn’t until the next evening when we were at a family members house to check on there pets because they were out of town that my mom final believed me because I almost passed out. I wasn’t able to leave my bed or eat for two days because I was that sick.

- Adding to the yelling thing my mom yells at me over grades. I’m not good at math, my mom spend two straight years yelling at me over my math grade, fifteen minute screaming fits where she’d take away things I liked until I cried, instead of actually helping me. Now I can barely do math without my mind going blank except for a small voice in the back of my head call me an idiot. When I tried to talk to her about not yelling at me over my grades, I was calm when I asked to talk, she yelled at me and said I was always making her out to be the bad guy.

-I’m not allowed to get mad at my sister. A month ago my sister stole and lost my favorite jacket, it was a birthday present. When I got angry at her my mom screamed at me and made me apologize to my sister. (I did end of getting my jacket back after a few weeks)

I didn’t think I should bulletpoint this but my mom has also been forcing me to be in Girl Scouts since I was in kindergarten. Before we moved I was in ballet and I absolutely loved it, when we moved to where we currently lived my mom said she ‘couldn’t find a ballet studio’ and signed me up for Girl Scouts instead. I’ve been wanting to quiet since sixth grade, I’m a sophomore now, and my mom has only now agreed because she’s ’done arguing with me’. My mom is also very guilt trippy, every time I asked to leave Girl Scouts my mom would use one of my friends or college as leverage to guilt me into staying. It should be mentioned that I also look like a you get version of my mom and my mom had to quit Girl Scouts when she was younger so I think that may be why she’s doing this.

Anyway I really just want advice, sometimes I feel like I’m crazy for wanting to go low or no contact with my mom. Sometimes she’s great but other times I’m scared being around her. Please just give me some advice on what to do. Thank you

Edit: I should have specified this but I was saying when I move out, I am aware I am unable to cut her off at the moment.

I’m not sure what to say but my roommate left it in the open on are house bathroom bathtub on the and saw and I got very mad because why should leave that in the open so I put a glove on and throw it out in are bathroom trash I told my mom on her lunch break she’s mad to it’s not like she doesn’t have a bedroom or anything but I’ve also heard her boyfriend going at in the middle of the day I’m getting upset because they don’t care

I’m not sure what to say, but my roommate left it in the open on our house bathroom bathtub and I saw it, and I got very mad because why should she leave that in the open? So I put a glove on and threw it out in our bathroom trash. I told my mom on her lunch break that she’s mad. It’s not like she doesn’t have a bedroom or anything, but I’ve also heard her boyfriend going at it in the middle of the day. I’m getting upset because they don’t care.

Hey everybody I feel like I need to add more information yes what I did was completely wrong.

No there’s more to this but the other day I noticed 90% of my old skin care is gone from the bathroom storage thing we have. And yes I’ve spoken up for myself and they say like I add to some comments your 21 and older then basically it’s falling on deaf ears and yes I told my mom she’s renting to them also I’m going to add my stuff is constantly being moved out the bathroom or shower like I found my body wash next to the toilet idk

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAsisterswed

Originally posted to r/AITAH

Previous BoRUs: #1, #2, #3, #4

[New Update]: AITAH for telling my parents they were deserve to be kicked out of my sister’s wedding.

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Thanks to u/queenlegolas & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU. Thanks to u/zipper1919 & u/frankzzz for letting me know about the latest update!

Editor’s note: made small edits for ease of readability, removed older relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU

Trigger Warnings: >!health scare, sexism, entitlement, bullying, favoritism, golden child syndrome, emotional abuse and manipulation!<

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RECAP

Original Post: May 15, 2025

This is a throwaway as my brother is on reddit and I don’t want him knowing my real account name.

So, my 37f, brother Mike 35m, is a knob. Always has been and always will be. He has been babied to the point of uselessness by our mum and dad and that's made him an entitled slob.

When he was younger he showed promise playing Rugby which had my mum and dad believing he was gonna be a superstar. The problem was though that he never had the work ethic to fully fulfill his potential. However this meant that he was the golden boy of the family and he could do wrong in my parents eyes.

He was a bully at school, which they brushed off as other kids making up lies, but he was an even bigger bully at home to our younger sister Kelly 31f. He would constantly 'prank' here. Which basically meant he would do anything he could embarrass her, including things like pulling her dress up in front of the whole family at a wedding when she was 15. Mum and dad just said it was siblings being siblings, but the rest of the family were mortified by his behaviour.

I did try and stick up for my sister, and it worked to a certain extent, but after I went to away to Uni, there wasn't much I could do as mum and dad just don’t listen to anyone.

It got so bad that when she was 18, my sister gave up going to her dream University, St Andrews and instead moved to London to go to the Imperial College London. This was a huge shock to all of us as she had been talking about St Andrews since she started high school at 11. When I asked why, she said that St Andrews was too close to home and she would be expected to go back home more often, but if she went to London she would only have to go home for Christmas. This broke my heart.

After she left, she did exactly that, the only time she was home was Christmas and when I got married. This really annoyed mum and dad as they said she was abandoning the family. I kept my mouth shut and just let them whine occasionally as I didn't want an argument.

After graduating from Uni my parents expected her to move back home, but she didn't. She got a job working in southern England and stayed down there. We are from Scotland for reference.

Six years ago, Kelly met a great guy, Jake, 30m. The day she met him she called me gushing about him and I've honestly never heard her speak about anyone the way she does him. I've met him several times when I've gone down to visit Kelly and he's great. Good looking, funny, great job, his family are lovely and most importantly, he treats Kelly like she hung the moon. It’s very cute.

After she met him, she cut down how much she came home even more as she spent the first Christmas with his family and then the pandemic happened, so she ended up not coming home for 3 years.

Her first Christmas home Mike started his usual bullshit, trying to be there center of attention. When it didn't work out as well as he wanted, as most of the family were more interested in getting to know Jake, he then tried to 'prank' Kelly. He got a big bowl of water and was going to pour it over her. Jake saw what was happening and stepped in front of Kelly telling Mike to not even think about it. Side note, Jake is 6ft 3 and a has been doing martial arts since he was 4, so he can be very intimidating when needed.

Mum and dad tried to play it off as a harmless prank, but Jake was having none of it. Mike started whining about it just being a prank and Jake told him that if he 'pranked' Kelly one more time, he would 'prank' Jake by putting his foot up his arse and his fist down his throat. Kelly and Jake left about an hour later, but after that Mike, mum and dad all had an issue with Jake. Kelly hasn't been back home since.

That leads us to now, Kelly and Jake are getting married. They sent out invites in February for August. However, they didn't invite Mike. Mum and dad are obviously incensed by this and had a huge argument with Kelly. They threatened not to go, and Kelly just said no problem she would get grandad to walk her down the aisle.

I went around to their house on Saturday with my kids. Immediately my mum started complaining about Kelly and the wedding. I sat and listened for a while before I'd had enough. I asked her what did she actually expect? Her and dad have allowed Mike to be the golden child and get away with everything. Because of that, he can't keep a relationship, due to him thinking everyone should do everything for him, he can't hold down a job because every job is beneath him and he still living at home with zero prospects in life. The man-child is a bully who I don’t trust to be around my children unsupervised. He bullied Kelly for most of her teen years, and her only escape was to move over 400 miles away and never come home.

My mum got very quiet and then asked me to leave. A few hours later my dad called going mad because I'd upset my mum and was taking the side of an ungrateful little girl instead of my parents who gave me everything. This started a huge argument between me and him where I told him he'd been a crap dad to Kelly and didn't deserve to walk her down the aisle.

I’ve just had enough, but now I've got extended family members telling me I've gone too far as my mum is barely speaking to anyone and keeps crying. My grandad said it was about time I told them off, but my grandma is upset by all the arguing. So AITAH for telling my parents that they sucked a parents and deserved to be kicked out of my sister’s wedding?

AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA

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Update #1: May 18, 2025 (three days later)

Hi all, that post took off a lot more than I thought it would. There was way too many comments for me to respond to, but I tried to read every one of them. I was asked for an update so here it is.

There were a few things that came up repeatedly, so I'll address them first. The "pranks" only started after I had left and gone to Uni. He would say things to Kelly, and I would have a go back at him when we were younger, but it wasn't anything more than that until after I'd left home so there wasn't anything I could really do to stop it. I did speak to our parents, but they're useless.

Second thing was about my kids. I didn't bring my kids around them very much as they didn't like going to my parents’ house. They said it was boring and they don’t like Mike. However, after all the comments I got about this, I sat them down and asked them again. For my daughter it really is just that she finds it boring and says that Mike is a weirdo. My son however, said that he doesn't like being around my dad as he keeps trying to make him play Rugby. I have heard these comments and told my dad to drop it, but he would still make the comments occasionally. I had no idea that it was upsetting my son though, so this surprised me. My son doesn't like sports, be it watching or playing. He's very much like his dad in that regard. He's a Pokémon kid, playing online and goes every Thursday evening to play in a tournament at our local card shop, so Rugby is an absolute no go for him.

The third thing was about security at the wedding. I spoke to Kelly and Jake and Jake said that two of his groomsmen are police officers who are aware of the situation, so that won’t be a problem.

Lastly there was a lot of comments about Mike being the golden child. For a bit more back story, he wasn't really the favourite until his talent in Rugby came to light. After that, he was special and had to be treated that way. I think he was seen as Mum and Dad's way of being special themselves within the family as they had such a super talented child.

Anyway, today, I decided to sit down with my parents and tell them I needed a break from them. When I got there my dad immediately wanted me to apologise to my mum, but I said that wasn't going to happen.

There was a bit of back and forth between him and I, until my mum stepped in and asked why I was there if not to apologise. I told them that I'd spoken to Kelly and she didn't want them at the wedding at all. That they needed to stay away and respect her decision. They weren’t happy but said they wouldn't go where they weren’t wanted.

I then told them I wanted space until after the wedding as I couldn't keep being around them and keeping my mouth shut. I thought that space would be good for all of us.

My mum wasn't happy and started on about seeing my kids. I told them the truth, my kids hated coming to their house and told my dad exactly why my son doesn't want to be around him. He got upset by this and said that rugby would be good for him. I shut that down and said I'm not going to force my son to do something he does want to and something I know he will hate. I also told him that if I hear him mention it around my son again then he won’t see my son again. Right now they will only be seeing my kids at family events, so I'm hoping that it won’t be a problem.

I then asked them what their long term plan was with Mike. Are they going to keep things the way they are until there 90 and mum will still be making his all his meals? What happens when they're gone, who will look after him because it won’t be me? What happens if they get ill? Who will look after them? Mike is incapable, Kelly lives down south and I plan on moving back to my husband’s home town 3 hours away once the kids have left home, so I can't do it.

They just looked at me blankly. I really don't think that they had ever even thought about any of that before. I told them they had set Mike up to fail and now they needed to deal with it. I also told them I knew that they were leaving everything to him in their will, but that with how they have babied Mike, he would blow through that money in less than a year and then what. I could see the panic in my mums eyes when I said that. She either hadn't thought about it, or she thought I would look after him, which she now knows isn’t gonna happen. I also think she was shocked that I knew about their will.

After me telling them what low contact with me was going to look like going forward and them not being happy about it, I left. Hopefully I've given them a lot to think about.

I will check in with them from time to time, but that's all right now. I’m going to visit Kelly in the next couple of weeks, so I'm looking forward to that.

My extended family have also backed off after I sent them all a text saying if they were so concerned about my mum then they could be her support system and deal with Mike the same way Kelly and I have had to for years. Not surprisingly, none of them wanted too.

Otherwise, I'm going to just try and get on with things as normal. Thanks for the NTA verdict and all the advice, it opened my eyes to a few things that I'd been brushing off.

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Quick Update: August 16, 2025 (nearly three months later from Update #1)

Quick update

Hi all, sorry I went MIA, but I’ve been super busy. Not with this issue, but just with life in general.

So Kelly got married last weekend and everything went without a hitch. Our parents and Mike didn’t even try to attend, but I know that Mum did try and contact her a few times before the wedding via other family member. Kelly wasn’t interested and made that clear by not responding and/or threating the family member that they would be uninvited as well. That put an end to it.

Mike is still a drain on society according to a cousin of ours. I don’t know first-hand as I’ve not been in contact with him at all. I’ve spoken to Mum and Dad once since the last post and they haven't changed so I don’t have the energy to deal with them. My kids don’t miss them one bit either, so it’s not been a problem keeping the kids away from them.

Right now, I'm just going to get on with my life with my husband and kids. I’ve been talking to Kelly a lot more since all of this, which is a huge positive to come out of it.

Sorry that there were no dramatics, like Mike and our parents trying to storm the wedding, but everything went smoothly. Thanks for all the comments and advice in my previous posts.

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some progress: November 27, 2025 (a bit over three months later from the previous update)

Some progress

Hi all, I said I would update if anything changed and something has started too. I think my mum has finally woke up and seen the light when it comes to Mike.

It was my son's birthday 2 weeks ago and my mum reached out to say she had got him some presents. I was a little reluctant to accept the presents as in the past they've all be rugby based, but she promised that they weren't this time, so I let her come around to my house and give them to my son. Turns out my son is easily bought lol. A friend of my mums had gone to Seoul on holiday in October and my mum had asked her to bring back some Pokémon cards if she could find any. My son loves Asian Pokémon cards and has a whole separate binder just for them. She brought back 20 packs back for him. My mum also got him a Pokémon backpack and a teddy and Funko pop of his favourite Pokémon. She had really put a lot of thought into what he likes and even gone to our local card shop and asked there about what to get him. Needless to say, my son was ecstatic.

To me this showed that she was really trying and after that I agreed to meet her for lunch a few days later. She told me that her and my dad were fighting all the time because of Mike. She had put her foot down and said that Mike needs to get a job and stick with it and that she isn’t going to give him any more money. My dad defended Mike, no surprise there, and said he just needed more time to find himself. This had led to loads of arguments and my mum going on strike. She isn't cooking for either my dad or Mike and isn’t doing their washing or ironing. This is something she had done before when she is royally pissed off. She said that I was right when I told her that they weren't helping Mike by babying him and he needed to grow up.

I was a little shocked by this, but very happy about it. I am speaking to her regularly again and she seems to be adamant about Mike getting and keeping a job. I’m still a little reluctant to trust her fully as she could very easily go back to how she was before, but I’m calling this a little bit of progress. My dad still has his head up his arse though, no change there.

Anyway I had a spare 10 mins and thought I’d keep you all updated. We will see how Christmas goes and if my mum backs down, but fingers crossed she has turned the corner.

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Hi all: March 19, 2026 (nearly four months later from the previous post)

I said that I would update after Christmas, but life got complicated. I found out I was 4 months pregnant in early January, which was definitely not on my bingo card, and I’ve been busy trying to get ready for our little boys arrival.

Kelly is doing great, she super happy with Jake and is over the moon that she is going to be an Aunty again. I saw her over new year when she stopped off on her way to Edinburgh for Hogmanay, which was great.

My mum stayed with her sister over Christmas and New Year as she needed a break from Mike and Dad, who went to Dad's parents. Dad is still fully enabling Mike, but mum has really turned a corner. I think her nearly losing both her daughters and grandchildren got through to her and she has realised that her and dad have set Mike up to fail as well as not being fair to us. She is trying to get Mike to get a job and be a productive member of society, but dad is still giving him money and making his life as easy as possible, so Mike hasn’t changed at all. This has lead to mum and dad arguing constantly, so she decided to be away from them over Christmas and when she went back, she moved into mine and Kelly's old room. She is still on strike, as she puts it, so isn’t cooking, washing, cleaning or really doing anything in the house. I don’t know what will happen with mum and dad, but things can’t stay like they are right now.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with mum. She has been coming around and making tea 3/4 times a week, her cooking is amazing so myself and my husband are not complaining. She is also ecstatic about another grandchild. She's been making a lot of effort with my son and daughter. My son trying to teach her how to play Pokémon, is arguably the funniest thing I've ever seen. Me and my daughter couldn’t stop laughing. She has also been spending time with my daughter going to the cinema as my daughters favourite thing to do.

She wrote Kelly a letter apologising for everything and they had a long phone conversation in January. Kelly has gone from no contact with her to low contact, which is more than me or mum thought would happen. Myself and Kelly are still no contact with dad and Mike.

That’s about everything. I think dad is a lost cause, but I’m happy that mum seems to have turned the corner.

OOP on giving her mum some space or room in case if Mum needs it.

> OOP's only comment in this latest post: She has a room at her sisters which is 5 minutes away from me. She knows that if she wants to leave then she can move in with her sister and would have my full support. My auntie's husband died a few years ago so she lives alone and I actually think she would love it if my mum moved in.

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#----NEW UPDATE----

Me again: May 2, 2026 (over 1.5 months later from the last update)

Me again

Hi all,

Just another quick update. My mum is now living with her sister. I don’t know exactly what was said, as my mum won’t tell me, but basically my brother is a dick and so is my dad.

I fainted at work last week due to low blood pressure and was rushed to hospital where I had to stay for 2 nights. I'm now officially on maternity leave and have to rest. Doctors say that everything looks fine and there's no signs of premature labour or pre-eclampsia and baby boy is just fine, but to be on the safe side I need to take things easy.

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I'm ill I want my mum. My mum has had her shortcomings, but she's always been the one that looks after me when I’m ill. So, as soon as id told my husband I was at the hospital I called my mum and burst into tears. She was at the hospital before my husband was and has barely left my side since. She’s also been a huge help with the kids and making sure we are all fed delicious meals.

On my second day at the hospital, something happened with my brother. All I know is that mum had gone home after visiting hours had ended and my brother had said something horrible about me and my baby. My mum was furious and shouted at him. Of course, my dad backed up his special little boy and this lead to my mum screaming at my dad that he was a monster and a terrible human being. She then called her sister who went around and helped my mum pack her things. So she has been living with my auntie since Wednesday. All of this I have found out through my auntie as my mum refuses to speak about it. She won’t even tell my auntie what my brother said, so it must have been bad.

Dad thinks my mum is just being dramatic and will be back soon, but my mum has said she isn’t going back and wants nothing to do with my brother or my dad. She’s even joked about getting money from her half of her and dad's house so she and my auntie can travel. I really hope she does that.

My dad hasn't even contacted me to see if I’m ok, so I’m officially done with him as well. Just thought I’d give another update as and people are still reaching out and my husband and kids are out whilst my mum is busy cooking, and I’m trying to find something to watch on Netflix. Growing up we had 5 channels and there was always something to watch, now we have hundreds and multiple streaming platform, and I can’t find a thing lol.

Editor's note: OOP did not leave any comments in this latest update

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DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

OK, so here's the thing. Every couple of years, I look up the couple of exes that I've had that things ended very, very badly.

I do this to find out where they're living and working so that I can avoid those places as much as possible.

Does that make me an asshole or a bad person?

Hi everyone, here’s a final update from my previous posts (Part 1 & Part 2).

TL;DR: My fiancé’s mom wanted a large, prestigious wedding and refused to support our small ceremony because she felt it would embarrass her socially. Things escalated far beyond what we ever expected — screaming, insults, destroyed belongings, and eventually my fiancé leaving home entirely. After everything that happened, we chose peace over approval.

In short….we’re married now!!

A few weeks ago, we officially became husband and wife. In the end, we decided to keep things small and intimate. We had a simple celebration with my extended family, good food, and lots of laughter.

Of course, not having his side of the family there was painful, especially for him. I know there’s still sadness underneath it all, and I don’t think anyone imagines their wedding turning out this way. But despite everything, we still had such a beautiful day together.

I’m incredibly proud of him. I know it wasn’t an easy decision for either of us to get married under these circumstances, especially in a Southeast Asian country where family expectations and approvals can be very strong. But I saw firsthand how difficult this entire situation was for him, and despite everything, he never stopped choosing kindness.

His family stopped contacting him for a while after calling him and my family horrible names, insulting my family for being “poor,” and even demanding that my family repay all the money they had spent raising him. We honestly don’t know what the future looks like with his family, and maybe that’s okay for now. Right now, we’re focusing on building a healthy and peaceful life together instead of chasing approval that may never come.

Thank you to everyone who showed us kindness and support on my previous posts. Your words genuinely helped us get through some very dark moments.

For now, we’re happy, and that's enough for us.

Preface: I LOVE YOU MARK. I've been listening to you religiously everyday for years. You've even narrated my dreams before lmfao. Thank you for being open with your life and providing such comfort in mine.

I do not know where to start, but I guess a little background is necessary for context. I, 29F, met my boyfriend 41M at a union job about 3 years ago. It was a whirlwind from day one. I have a child, and his youngest is the same age as mine so life-stage wise we were pretty compatible. Both of us make good union money, have a good head on our shoulders, and there honestly isn't the age-related power imbalance I was initially worried about. We are on equal footing is all I'm going to say on the age gap.

He has always been a high functioning alcoholic, his whole family is if I'm honest. He travels for work so he's drunk everyday after work consistently the month or two he's gone. Calls me slurring his words and the whole shebang. It's not much better when he's home. I've repeatedly asked him to stop drinking or at least moderate his drinking when he's home and especially around the kids as I refuse to have them be around addiction. I didn't really realize the extent of it until I bought a house to be closer to him. He's drinking.... everyday. Or he'll go over to his dad's shop and drink with the guys there to seemingly get away from us. He'll say he'll be home soon and then 4 hours go by... He'll drive messed up home.

I gave him an ultimatum about 6 months ago that if this path continues then I am done. Well and truly. I told him that I didn't care if he drank while he was at work, as that's kinda what everyone does. Myself included, just not remotely as heavily. As of 3 months ago I am a stay at home mom, in order to help take care of his kids while he travels. (custody crap with his ex that I don't think is relevant). I do not drink at all or use any kind of substances. He is home for the summer and he didn't drink around the kids for approximately 3 weekends... then of course something happens that's stressful with his ex and he's been mildly messed up every day since.

He's easy to read when he's had too many, eyes slightly cross, obvious stumbling, can't understand him, his whole face changes. It's awful. He doesn't get mean or anything like that, none of us are in danger or anything close.

I guess, what do I do to get him to stop? Or moderate his drinking. I have no care in the world if he drinks a couple here and there like a normal person. But this man can throwback 10-15 in one sitting and thinks that he's cool as a cucumber and fine.

Tonight was the last straw really. We haven't been intimate, we've been arguing a lot, both feeling overwhelmed with kids (trauma on their end), and I asked that tonight since his kids are at their mom's house, and my kiddo is really easy, that there be no booze, no hanging out as his dad's, just come home... have a home cooked meal with me at the table, do some intimate stuff, reconnect and talk. Comes home with a beer in his hand an hour late. I expressed how disappointed I was to no avail. Just kept on drinkin. He's not blitzed or anything, but definitely feeling good. The only thing he really asked about was being intimate, surprise, my answer was F no, surprise.

This is only the 'bad' I'm sharing. I am absolutely in love with this man, he's planning on proposing this summer. What do I do? Should I cut my losses, go back to the hall for work and be the badass single mom I was before? Or is there things I can do to salvage this relationship. He really is worth the effort, but I don't want to teach my daughter that it is okay to accept less than what we deserve in a partner. I don't know.

Edited to add: Thank you for all the comments, I wrote this while a bit emotional and feel like I botched the details, I wanted to clarify some things here 😄

1. Work: We both work federal jobs and those of you who work them know how strict they are on alcohol and drugs. There's no drinking on the job. Ever. Any drinking would take place after work around a fire by the campers. I might have one while cooking everyone dinner, and the other guys would be getting blitzed outside.

2. My consumption: Like stated above I might have one after work while cooking, exclusively when I would travel for work which was about 3 months of the year. I do not consume any alcohol at all at home or at other jobs. I don't believe in it, or using drugs. I don't like feeling buzzed or drunk, & I am a lightweight.

3. The kiddos: His ex is not a safe person. I am invested with his 2 children because I am the only consistent safe presence in their life. He is not home for about half the year, not all in one stint but still not home a lot. Their mom is an even worse alcoholic, abuser, drug addict, and brings violent felons around the kids. *NOT AN EXCUSE* He doesn't get drunk in front of the kids, but HE DOES start drinking in front of them, nor does he drive with them in the car. He has since stopped drinking and driving (yes, I know bar is in hell) because of the fact that I had to instill it's not just him he's putting in danger but the innocent people on the road.

I know it doesn't mean much in this context, but he is an absolutely incredible father. He attends everything and anything, goes above and beyond to provide for his kids, the children adore him and he they. He hides his alcoholism from them as much as possible. We have been fighting relentlessly for full custody of the kids so they can be safe and away from their mother. Which is a huge argument I bring up with him that he cannot drink & hide his problem forever, they will see him in the same light that they see their mother. He has an addiction, just like her. He might not be abusive, but addiction is addiction no matter the rose colored glasses you put on it.

I have said that he cannot be a great father with this problem. That it's like he's playing that part, but simultaneously lying to them almost.

I hope I'm not coming across as defensive, I'm really not. I appreciate all the hard truths in the comments. I do plan on having him read this, as well as give that final ultimatum. Me & the kids or beer. That's it. AA is free, our love is free, & our support is free... but it's not the life I want for myself or our kids. I love him, but not as much as I love the children. They call me Mom and it is an honor, I will do what I need to to keep them safe.

Thank you all. I needed to read this.

My wife (38F) and I (41M) have been married for 11 years and have 2 kids (9 & 7). I work full-time and she works part-time while also doing online classes to finish her degree (she dropped out of college after 2 years and wants to finish). She has ADHD and anxiety and, if I'm being honest, sometimes it feels like our entire lives revolve around her symptoms.

Last Friday my wife didn't have to work and decided to go visit her sister who lives in a small town about 45-minutes away. She didn't tell me she was going so I was very surprised when she called me shortly after noon. She was obviously upset when I answered and between sobs I was able to make out that there was an issue with the car. Eventually, she calmed down and told me that she ran out of gas "in the middle of nowhere" and didn't know what to do.

Because she hadn't told me she was visiting her sister, I was very confused and had a lot of questions which only made her more upset. I was getting frustrated too so I finally just asked her what she wanted me to do. She told me she needed me to come help her. I told her I was at work and had meetings in the afternoon that I couldn't skip.

I suggested she call her sister, but she went to work after my wife visited and my wife didn't want to bother her. I suggested she call AAA to come help but she said she didn't know how to do that. I suggested she call an Uber but she was in the middle of nowhere and didn't show any cars available. I suggested she call a friend or someone else that might be able to help and she yelled at me to "Just come fu&$ing help her."

I tried to remain calm and reiterated that I am sorry she's in this position but at this moment I am unable to help her. I told her I had offered numerous suggestions that she could try to help herself but I can't leave work.

She then hung up on me. My first meeting of the afternoon was starting in 5 minutes so I tried calling her back and she didn't answer. I kept trying to text her during my meeting too but she never responded. I tried calling again between my meeting and still no answer. Which I admit pissed me off because even if I was trying to come help at that point I couldn't reach her.

She is the one who picks up our kids from school so I was kind of freaking out at this point because I was completely in the dark about whether I would need to get them or if my wife was OK. So, I called the school and asked them to please let me know if my wife comes to get the kids because I can't reach her. I didn't include any details about why. The school called me back at pick-up time and told me that my wife was there for pickup.

When I got home at the end of the day, my wife refused to talk to me. She gave me the cold shoulder the entire weekend. I apologized for not being able to help multiple times. Finally, this morning she spoke to me but all she said was "I can't count on you anymore."

Did I really mess up that bad? Am I the jerk for this?

Me (31F) and my coworker Dana (I'll call her that) have worked together about two years. Fine relationship, no drama, she's good at her job when she shows up. That last part is the thing.\

Dana is late probably three times a week. Not five minutes late, I mean 20-40 minutes , walks in with coffee, sits down, headphones on. Our manager does a walkthrough at 9:15 every morning and for the past four months I've been doing this thing where I cover for her without even really deciding to. "She's on a call." "She just stepped out." "She mentioned something about the parking lot." All lies, all from me, all protecting someone who has never once said thank you or acknow ledged that I'm doing it.

Last tuesday the manager asked me directly where Dana was and I just said "I'm not sure, I haven't seen her yet." That's it. Dana walked in seven minutes later, manager was still nearby, saw her come in, pulled her aside. I don't know what was said but Dana was quiet for the rest of the day and gave me this look like I'd done something to her.

After work she texted me "I thought we had each other's backs." I said we do, but I never agreed to lie to management for her on a daily basis and she never actually asked me to, I just kind of fell into it. She said she thought it was understood. I said I don't think that's fair to assume. She's been cold since.

I'm not going out of my way to report her or anything, I'm just done inventing excuses. AITA?

I 34f single mom 2 kids full time
Sister L single mom 35f 1 kid twice a month visits.
Sister B 40f 2 kids happily married
Mom 70f
Dad 72m
Ex duckface 32m

Some background. My mom and dad decided to buy a house for me and my sister to live in to help us.

To me it’s to help my sister L mainly. She has an alcohol problem and takes too much of her medicine that also shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol and is currently dealing with acute liver failure. She also has the mentality of a 12 year old.

To my sister L it’s to help me and my kids because I have both my kids full time.

My mom has stated this could really help my sister L to not feel so alone and she does better when she lives with others. She has stated she wants me to help be a stability for her.

I was originally not on board.

When my parents first brought up the idea of buying a house for us, they got mad that I did not want to live under the same roof. So as a compromise I made it clear we needed to have separate living or I would not be on board with this. I stated this in a clean text.

This is what the text said (only relevant parts added) :

“I’ve been thinking carefully about everything you’ve shared — not just about L but about the house itself. I understand that if you’re buying something, you want to protect it, make a good financial decision, and create stability.
Before anything else, I want to say thank you. The fact that you and Dad are even willing to help with a house means so much to me. I truly appreciate that you want to take care of us and create stability for all of us.
I also understand how much you want L to have stability. I want that too.
At the same time, I need to be honest about what works for me and my kids. I cannot live in the same shared household long-term. I need my own separate living space and the ability to run my household in the way that feels right for my family. That includes decisions about my kids.
If I move into a home, I would be looking for long-term stability.
That’s why I keep coming back to the idea of a house with a casita or separate unit. It would allow L to have stability and support, and it would allow me to keep healthy boundaries and a peaceful home for my kids. We could still spend time together, have dinners, and support each other — just without sharing the same day-to-day living space.”

My mom said she understood at the time. And I’ve always stuck to that boundary that we needed separate living.

We have moved into a house where she has her own outdoor entrance in the back yard. And there is an inside door that connects her living area (bedroom, living, kitchen, separate from general house), that I’ve asked about having locked so she can’t just come into my space. She keeps saying no. So I’ll have to do it myself. My dad won’t say much because what my mom wants is what he will go with. I also have a side back door to the back yard too.

The other night she wanted to come through the house to get her laundry. And I was uncomfortable with her just coming in that’s why I had blocked the door. I gave her, her laundry and she complained to my mom.

When my mom brought it up it wasn’t great. She started with asking if I knew L was in the hospital for looking yellow (the acute liver failure) and I stated I did not then she brought up why I didn’t want L to come into the house. Luckily I was busy because after stating my kid was having a sleep over, and she didn’t let me know just barged in. It caught me off guard. she said the kitchen and garage was shared living space.

I have no way to lock away the rest of my house if she has free access to the kitchen and garage. I did give her a garage door opener to have access to it. (Laundry is in there)

My sister B really helps L with her medication so she doesn’t take too much and lets L come over to her place but is kind of tired of taking care of her. My mom admitted everyone is kind of done with helping L and that’s why she’s hoping I will be there to help now.

The night before that I did talk to L about how we need boundaries and to not use the door that connects our areas. That she needs to let me know/ask when she’s coming over and to use the back door to my place rather than the connecting door. I don’t want her just popping in without me being prepared or knowing till she’s there. We talked about if she has guests over at least give me a heads up so I don’t think it’s a random person trespassing. We worked out starting to have dinner Monday and Fridays to start with in my part of the house and go from there. And when she has her daughter they are free to come hang out.

I have high anxiety and ptsd from my narcissistic ex so having these boundaries in place isn’t because I hate my sister L it’s because I need to keep up on my mental health and take care of me and my kids. It’s also to protect me if duckface decides to make another cyfd call just to be spiteful. If my daughter were to say she was around her drunk aunt that could be leverage for him to make another call. Even when he was always drunk or high 24/7 around our kids when we were together (I don’t know what he’s like nowadays). One kid goes over every other weekend to their dad’s place.

L when growing up was a bully to me, we never really got along. She would steal my stuff and threaten me often. I had to walk 40 minutes to and 40 minutes from school every day in high school because of her bullying I even went to a separate school to avoid her in middle school. We were cordial when adults but I would not say we have been friends ever. She is my sister and I love her as my sister but I don’t enjoy being around her. She is an energy taker not an energy giver when we are around each other aside from family gatherings.

I think I hit all relevant background. Here’s what I’m wondering how can I make it clear to my mom that her and I have talked and that I’ve said since day one that separate living means separate living. That I don’t want her in my space without me there, or invited. What could I possibly say to get her to not try and tear down my boundaries and enforce her own rules when she doesn’t even live in the same house nor city? What are some things I should mention or bring up that could help her understand I’m not giving in when I’ve already been clear about separate living since day one.

I don’t know how to handle this situation or what to do. I cannot move out right after moving in. I’m there to stay and eventually if I ever have enough money to buy it from my parents one day.

I was stupid for thinking my mom would have listened to my boundaries and not keep trying to break it down.

Other info that might be relevant?

She did mention bringing up my rent more if we didn’t share once. And i currently cannot pay more even tho that would be fair but she’s already paying 300 less for her part of the house with rent alone compared to where she was living. And so am i. Her part of the house is like a 1 bed house and my part is a 3 bed house.

I am fine with paying more but I’ll be in the same situation as if I was at my other apartment of scraping by month to month with help here and there from others still, and the point was to take off some financial stress for both of us too so that would take that away too. Just seems confusing to me.

L always smoked in her house so all of her stuff smells like smoke. I will not be going into her space ever due to the smell alone.

Out of the past 3 years I’ve only asked mom for help twice financially.
She has been helping my sister L since always.

I don’t want her to hold “helping me” over my head as a way to get me to do what she wants. Like giving me more rent, or guilt tripping me into agreeing because she bought the house and “helped”.

If there is anything you have questions or something I left out I apologize and I’ll try and answer.

Any advice on what I could say to my mom to help her understand I have my boundaries for a reason? And how to state it I’m firm on my boundaries without sounding mean or harsh. What could I say not to be mean about it but firm in my boundaries.

Moving again is not an option.