u/73shay

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/NOSjpIyakV

This happened three years ago and my daughter "Mallory" still resents us for this. I'm asking now because my son is going to be starting the eighth grade next school year, permitting that schools will reopen again and this event isn't cancelled.

At my kid's school, there is a big annual spring break trip to New York City and Washington D.C. It's something that most of the kids, including my own, were looking forward to. When Mallory started the sixth grade, she talked about wanting to go on the trip. We said she could, so long as she got good grades and didn't get into trouble.

When she was in the seventh grade, her aunt Linda got engaged and set her wedding date for the following year. This was going to include a big family reunion with all the relatives because Linda was the last of my siblings to get married (big fat Catholic family), many of whom we haven't seen in years. Unfortunately, Linda planned her wedding to take place the same week as Mallory's 8th grade spring break.

We ended having to tell Mallory that she couldn't go on the trip afterall because everyone was going to be going to the wedding instead. Like I said, this was going to include a family reunion, and it may be the last time we got to see some relatives including her great-grandparents for a long time.

Mallory was heartbroken. We offered to take a family trip to New York, but she turned it down because she wanted to go with friends and not family. Understandable.

Cut to the week of the wedding a year later. We flew out to New Mexico for the ceremony and crash at my sister's (not the bride's) house. Mallory is still upset about having to be in New Mexico when all of her friends are in New York. A few days before the ceremony was to take place, Linda called off the wedding.

Mallory was furious. I can still remember her blow up. She screamed, "so I missed my trip for nothing?" and stormed off into the room she was sharing with her cousins and wouldn't let anyone in.

It was a mess afterward. I tried to cheer Mallory up by offering to take her sight seeing or go see a movie with her cousins, but she refused. I gave up after she refused to go to the movies with us, saying that she didn't want to watch a 'dumb kids movie with a bunch of babies' (while she is the oldest of the cousins, the next nearest cousin in age was nine at the time). Mallory refused to speak to us during the flight back. To this day, she's still angry at her aunt Linda.

I know Mallory was upset, but no one could have predicted that the wedding would be called off. We have tried to make it up to her, but she has refused every offer. I know she wants a trip with her friends, but that New York trip is expensive and many of her friend's parents were not willing to spend more money on another outing for the girls.

Because of this, Mallory thinks I am an asshole. Am I?

My BIL (married to my sister) is a general contractor. About 10 years ago, my dad and brother was building a deck at my parent’s home. They asked my BIL if they could borrow his skid loader but he said no. They prepared the ground as best they could without the skid loader but got to the point they couldn’t go on without it. They went to my sis’s house to ask again but found out BIL went out of town. They talked my sis into letting them borrow it so she took them down to his construction lot and they hooked it up to dad’s truck.

This next part I’m not sure of since I don’t know much about towing but from what I was told, dad’s truck wasn’t big enough or powerful enough to tow the skid loader on the dump trailer so he lost control and wrecked. The truck, trailer, and skid loader was totaled. The insurance was barely enough to cover the medical costs and the truck. There was none left over to cover BIL’s stuff. When he got back to town, he exploded. He threaten to sue and things just went downhill from there. My parents are not rich and he wouldn’t have gotten anything so in the end, sis talked him into letting it go.

However, from that day on he wouldn’t have anything to do with our family. He doesn’t come for birthdays, holidays, nothing at all. Next month is our parent’s 50th anniversary and we’re planning a big family gathering to celebrate. We’re also chipping in to send our parents on a cruise to Mexico because they’ve never been out of the country. I spoke to sis about it the other day and she said she’s coming with the kids but BIL is not coming. I was fine with that but when we were discussing their portion of the cruise money, I heard him yelling in the background to deduct their portion from the cost of the skid loader and dump trailer. That pissed me if so after my call with sis, I called BIL and told him to get over himself. I told Dad and bro made a mistake but that was 10 years ago and he needs to let it go. He said he’ll let out go when they give him the money he lost. I told him he’s an ass for holding on to a grudge and putting money in the way of a family relationship.

Sis called me a few minutes ago and said they’re not coming and that I was out of line. We argued for a bit and that’s where it stands.

I don’t think I’m wrong for telling him to let go of the past but they’re not coming to the anniversary party so now I’m not sure.

Answers to your questions:

Let’s get something straight. My dad and brother are not bad people. They are good people who made a mistake. They couldn’t pay back BIL because he wanted almost $70,000 and again, we’re not rich. Dad had to buy another truck because he needed it to go to work.

On the other hand, BIL had 3 other sets of skid loaders and dump trailers on his lot that day so he could take the financial hit while my parents would be homeless. BIL and sis are way better off then the rest of us so while I understand your reasoning of paying BIL back, he doesn’t need it.

The cruise to Mexico isn’t some millionaire trip. The total cost is about $3,000 and it’ll take over 20 people to pay for that. Again, we’re not rich. We can barely cover $3,000 spread out over 20 people so there’s no way we can pay $70,000.