I got 3 new piercings on my left ear just a few weeks ago, so no cool jewellery yet. 😅 I'm very happy with it so far! I also have a few facial piercings, but my ears are definitely more interesting. ☺️
Hello guys,
I don't know who else to talk to, because my family members and friends all might be biased and definitely would be on my side. This is going to be a bit long, because I want to give as much context as possibly needed. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, English isn't my first language.
Context: my ex (H, now 25/m) and I (now 24 - almost 25-/f) met in March 2024. It was shortly after my grandma died and my ex-bf of 5.5 years broke up with me (he cheated and left me for the other woman). We fell in love quite quickly, but I always tried to push H away. I looked for every little excuse to push him away, I was confused, mentally not ready for a relationship after everything that happened before, but wanted to be with him and I have BPD (was not diagnosed back then, but I am now thankfully). We weren't officially together, just dating/getting to know eachother. He never had a girlfriend before, was a virgin and because of this and my own problems, I didn't want to rush things.
In late July/early August 2024 we had a disagreement - I never want to have kids, he wasn't sure if he wanted any or not. So I thought about ending it before we even got together. I thought "What if he wants kids in the future? I don't want any, it'll never work out." (definitely an extreme reaction on my part). It was stupid and I regretted it almost immediately, apologised to him and wanted to talk, but he blocked me. A few days later I got a message from one of his female friends (long-time girlfriend of his best friend, they have a child together). She sent me a pic of her chest and acted like she and H slept together, he had a looot of fun with her, wasn't sad anymore etc. This friend made some jokes in the past about threesomes with her boyfriend and H, which H mentioned on our first date and it made me uncomfortable. They didn't actually sleep together, but they let me believe that for months.
H and I were no contact until November 2024. In our no contact time, there was another woman from his friend group trying to hit on him. They slept in a bed together, but he didn't want to touch her. She wanted more and even "joked" once with the friend group that maybe they should drink some alcohol at the next event and he can "loosen up", so they could sleep together.
We got officially together after everything in November 2024. I loved him. Our whole relationship, his friend group tried to push the "OP is so manipulative and toxic" narrative and he played into that, told them lies about me to make me look bad and he even confessed to it. He just didn't want to "upset his friends by telling them the truth and being actually happy with me". I forgave him.
In June 2025, we broke up because he didn't love me anymore. We still had an on-off friends with benefits situation/situationship with eachother until January 2026. We had no contact again until March 2026.
And now we're in this weird situationship/friends with benefits situation again. We decided on being exclusive/monogamous and not sleep with other people. If we want to, we'll end it with the other person. He was the one who broke up and ended it every time. I never really ended things with him.
To my current issue: He's at a Ren Faire with this specific friend group. He slept in a tent with one of these women for two nights (he didn't tell me before he did it the first night and after I told him it made me uncomfortable, he still did it a second night). He didn't apologise or change the sleeping arrangement until I asked him to (which was possible from the start, they just didn't do it). He doesn't communicate well with me, often doesn't text me for a day, I feel like sh*t and I am confused. He says he cares about me and doesn't want things to end, but he currently behaves in a way that deeply hurts me and he is surrounded by people who I never got along with and who treated me badly. I know/he told me that he is definitely not attracted to any of these women. And if he wanted to do things with them, he could have done that in the past. That's why I think I could also be overreacting.
But I also feel like I can't fully forgive him at the moment and I need some advice. I told a friend about all of this on Wednesday and she is fully on my side, even questioned why he is still friends with these people.
I plan on having a conversation with him once he is back. I also think about ending it, but I still really love him, even though he shows me quite often that he doesn't love me anymore. We wanted to go to the cinema next week. My birthday is in less than two weeks. We had things planned... I am so confused right now and I am dealing with this since Tuesday.
How should I handle this? Am I overreacting to this current situation and it's actually not a big deal? Or is a big deal?
EDIT for context: this friend group doesn't like me, because of the disagreement we had about children and that I thought we couldn't have a relationship because of this topic. This was what started their dislike/hatred for me. After that it was his lies etc.