r/AmIOverreacting

im 17 and my parents found me a summer job through my dad’s school partner (a hotel).

The thing is, they want to test my skills before they take me in, the thing is im supposed to work 12h on saturday and sunday, and THEN they will tell me if they want me or not and my parents said i wont get any money for this probably. Im supposed to work in several places, in the kitchen washing up dishes (because theres some event), as a waiter, in general several diffeent related to hotel jobs. I told them its not fair that im supposed to work more than full time job on my free weekend (since im still at school) and get absolutely nothing for it, and then they will decide if they take me or not. We argued very hard and idk if its just my way of thinking or its fucking stupid to work so many hours for literally nothing

I (22 M) met Randy (23 M, fake name) a year ago from college because we took the same class. We found out that we have a lot in common and got along really well. A couple months after meeting Randy, he introduced me to his "boys" and we got along pretty well. The thing about Randy and his "boys", is that they're HUGE party people. I mean like going clubbing every week, getting very drunk, and coming home with different girls after the party. I was the odd one out in this because I don't really enjoy getting drunk but I do enjoy clubbing, so I was always the "caretaker" of the group, staying sober and making sure they don't do anything stupid and getting them home safe.

So last week, the whole group was hanging out at Randy's place. Randy had a bottle of whiskey and vodka, so as per usual, they started drinking and got VERY drunk. Everyone except for me. Things got pretty rowdy, blaring loud music, incoherent screaming, and weird conversations, but I stayed sober. The conversation then somehow shifted into inappropriate things. They were talking about their manhood (for some unknown reason) and was bragging about their size among other nasty things. One of them even pulled their pants down. I was getting uncomfortable, but I just laughed along and stayed silent. Randy eventually pointed out how quiet I was, and nagged me to join in on the conversation. One of them suddenly said "he's probably small. that's why he's so quiet", and they all started laughing. They then started making all kinds of nasty jokes about me and my manhood. I was getting even more uncomfortable, but I just endured it and laughed along because to be honest, I was feeling a little FOMO (which in hindsight, I would GLADLY miss out on this). Randy didn't add anything to the conversation but he didn't do anything to stop it as well and just laughed along. At around 5 AM, things eventually died down because they were all pretty much dead on the floor. I went back to my place and their "jokes" stuck with me. After a little nap, I started reflecting on this whole friend group. I decided that I'm going to stop going clubbing with them and that conversation making fun of me was very inappropriate and I shouldn't have just brushed it off to them being drunk.

Flash forward to today, Randy called and says that him and the boys are going to go clubbing again tonight, and they need their "guardian". I told him that I'm not going to go clubbing with them again because I was tired of it and the things they said about me was hurtful. Randy then got mad because he thinks that was just fun banter and they were drunk anyway so they never meant anything they said. He said me getting all offended like this is just me being insecure and that it proved all the things they joked about was true. I was still trying to salvage the friendship, so I apologized if I was just being insecure but I'm still not going clubbing with them ever again, but I was still willing to just hangout and chill. Randy said I was being a total loser and I sounded like a loser and just hung up. A few minutes later he kicked me out of the group chat. It was then I realized that I just lost my whole friend group and it made me think that maybe I am over reacting over some drunken conversation.

So reddit, am I over reacting?

So maybe I just need to rant and be calmed down by strangers, maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, but ever since telling my MIL that we are having a baby, I’ve been slowly coming to resent her. For reference, I’ve know my MIL for almost 6 years now and we’ve had a good relationship up until now.

At first, my husband and I were very excited to share with our close families that we were expecting and everyone had great reactions. We shared early, at 7 weeks, but made sure to emphasize that we didn’t want to go public with the info yet, knowing the risks of miscarriage but that we wanted our families to know for support at this early stage. Nevertheless, my MIL started to beg both me and my husband to know when SHE could finally break the news to the rest of the family and her friends. We kept telling her that we would like to wait until the start of the second trimester after we get genetic tests done. She ended up pushing, saying we should at least tell her sisters because she talks to them everyday and can’t keep a secret like this. So we did at 10 weeks just to make her happy.

Also, she immediately asked me what gifts she can buy us as soon as we announced. We thanked her for the very kind offer but said we’d like her to wait until at least the second trimester and ideally for a suitable occasion (e.g. baby shower) to offer gifts because we don’t have the space yet (we’re moving in a few weeks to a bigger place). I told her to feel free to start getting stuff if she would like, but to keep them at her place for now. We set the same boundaries with all family and friends and everyone has respected this. Except for her. Every time I have seen her since announcing, she has given us multiple gifts (clothes, pacifiers, even massage oil…). She says they don’t count as gifts because she is the grandmother and can give whatever she wants, whenever she wants to her grandchild (I should mention, this is her first grandchild). She also said she wants to “reserve” gifts to buy (e.g. a baby carrier) so that my mom doesn’t buy it first. This is most likely because I have mentioned that I would like my mom to help me in the first few days after birth (because she’ll take care of ME) and my MIL says it doesn’t make sense because my mom works full time (she will take time off when the baby comes) and my MIL doesn’t work so I should be with my MIL after birth. While I understand her being upset about missing those first few days, I need to prioritize my recovery first (which my mom will do).

For now, most of all of this can come down to the excitement she feels about becoming a grandmother and I sympathize. She also regularly texts me to ask how the baby is doing and insists on knowing when and where all my appointments are so she can be the first to know how it went. I have tried to avoid telling her because what if I get bad news? I don’t want her calling me while I’m working through it. I just try to tell her that I’ll tell her when I’m ready but she’s very pushy.

The last straw was a few days ago. I went in for my 13 week scan, finally made it to the second trimester after a rough first one. It went well and of course she called us right away to know how it went. She also knew that we had found out the gender (it was through the nub theory though, so it’s not 100% sure). I asked my husband not to tell her (or anyone) because it’s not 100% sure yet and I would like to some sort of fun gender reveal.

However, a few hours after sending a scan image to my family, my mom texted me privately to say she thinks she knows the gender from the image (she knew how to read the scan). I didn’t confirm her suspicion and I told her to keep it to herself which she said she would. But I told my husband and he mentioned on the phone to my MIL that my mom has guessed correctly. She was angry because she thought it wasn’t fair for her to not know. She pushed my husband (without knowing I could hear her) to tell her. I eventually stepped in saying that I didnt confirm my mom’s suspicions and that I didn’t want to share yet because it wasn’t sure and I wanted to do a gender reveal once we know for sure. She said she just NEEDS to know because she needs to buy the right clothes based on gender. I told her that’s the whole point: we’re not sure yet so please don’t buy gendered clothes (which is easy these days). She then laughed and said I had revealed the gender because only girls have gendered clothes (i.e. dresses) and I’ve said too much because now she knows. I don’t agree with her but it is the case that the baby is a girl so my husband confirmed. I was furious and felt like all my boundaries and desires are constantly being pushed by her because she believes she has extra rights as the grandmother. Im grateful for the gifts and the fact that she’s excited but I’m scared about what it’ll be like when the baby comes. She doesn’t work, as I said, so she has mentioned moving in with us once I go back to work so she can look after the baby full time (we can afford childcare, I don’t need to live with my MIL). Sorry for the long rant and there are more things but how do I handle this? AIO?

UPDATE: Sent my husband this post and he’s insisting we cancel/reschedule. I told him I didn’t want to start drama and make his family feel unwelcome. They haven’t seen our son since they got back from down south a few weeks ago. He reassured me that it was his mother that he’d rather have a relaxing night and with my unexpected doctors appointment tomorrow he felt like it was too much. Said he’d be clear there is time for her to visit with our son this weekend and they are welcome but we are not hosting dinner tomorrow. I feel guilty but that’s just my own issues I think. I don’t want to let anyone down or cause conflict.

My MIL asked if we could do dinner this week. Fine. We found a day and time that worked. Then afterward she says, “Let me know what I can bring.”

And I just sat there thinking… wait, I’m hosting too? Because in my mind, “let’s do dinner this week” sounded mutual, not “you cook and host everyone.” I made it work, planned a menu, scheduled time to tidy before her arrival (around a surprise drs appointment for gestational diabetes), admittedly it was out of spite and to avoid conflict.

I’m 8 months pregnant. We have a 17-month-old. I work part time 2–3 days a week, and my husband is the only full-time income right now. Money is tight. We still manage our own bills and never ask family for help.

Meanwhile, my MIL heavily subsidizes her adult daughter’s life. Financial help, constant support, etc. Again, her choice. But it’s hard not to notice the contrast when we’re over here barely keeping all the plates spinning and nobody ever says, “Hey, can I bring dinner over?” or “Can I help you guys out?”

Instead I somehow ended up planning and hosting a dinner that wasn’t my idea while very pregnant while I want to do is nest and prepare for our next babe.

What irritates me most is the assumption. Like because I’m the wife/mom, I automatically become the social coordinator, grocery shopper, cook, and hostess. And if I’m honest, I feel taken for granted. She would never act like this with her daughter whose mortgage she is paying.

Am I overreacting for being really irritated by this?

I am a hemicorporectomy amputee, meaning I am amputated from the waist down. As a result, I have both a colostomy bag and a urostomy bag. Because of my anatomy and being in a wheelchair, finding clothing that fits well and keeps both medical devices completely covered is difficult.

At an appointment this afternoon, a woman in her 60s looked at me and said, “You should wear longer tops, we don’t need that on display,” while gesturing toward my colostomy bag. The bottom of the bag was peeking out about two inches from under my t-shirt. It was clean and functioning normally.

In the moment, I was caught off guard and simply pulled my cardigan closed. Then, I went to the bathroom and burst into tears.

Honestly, the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. These bags help me stay alive. It feels pretty unfair that I’m expected to stress over them popping out to say hi just to keep a stranger from having to think about poo.

I (29F) had been talking to a guy (28M) on a dating app for 4-5 days and we planned a date for yesterday. Up to the date we would talk a lot on instagram and send many voice notes. I must admit that even though I would respond quickly and warmly I started feeling tired by all this constant conversation which ended up being meaningless at some point. In all these days, he gave me the impression that he liked having someone to talk to (no matter who this person was) and that he felt lonely overall.

On the date, I had the same impression I had before we met. He seemed to be interested in getting to know me but only superficially. Like he would ask questions but only to start a conversation and then he would start talking mostly about him and the things he liked without reading the room. Towards the end of the date, he asked what’s the younger I’d date. I said around 26 because any younger than that would be weird. He admitted that almost a month ago he was seeing a 19 year old girl!! The reason things didn’t move forward was because SHE didn’t want to, not him. That felt so off putting and alarming to me and by the end of the date I was sure I didn’t want to see him again. He seemed worried that I lost interest but at this point I just didn’t care.

I walked him to his car and went back home. Less than 10 minutes after, he sends me a voice note while driving. He said he was afraid a second date isn’t happening in a disappointed voice. I didn’t even have the time to answer and there’s another voice note saying that maybe he misunderstood things. I messaged him that we’re not a good match and we’re not in the same mental place to start something more meaningful.

And then all hell broke loose. He sent me multiple voice notes (still while driving) trying to convince me to give him another chance and that it is unfair of me to presume he doesn’t want anything serious with me. I clarified that I’m not debating he doesn’t want anything serious but rather that he still needs to work on himself before he tries to have a relationship. I had to explain myself at least 3 times until I sent him a voice note myself saying that I don’t appreciate him pressuring me into giving him a second chance and that I want him to stop. He sent a final voice note saying that I’ve been telling him bullshit all this time, I’m immature and deeply insecure and that this is why I’ve been single for so long. I wished him good night and then he blocked me.

My question is, should I have skipped the “you’re not ready for a relationship” part? Was it too harsh to say to someone? I know his response was even worse but I’m just wondering what I could have done differently.

EDIT: Since I didn’t really clarify, I am 1000% not continuing to see this man. I made that clear with him
before I left his place.

EDIT: I totally understand asking a question can lead to possibly receiving an unwanted answer. I just felt really confident about my makeup and wanted to emphasize it. It’s really not about me feeling self conscious about him not liking my makeup, it’s about his actions and the principle of it all.

EDIT: We never slept together. I established a boundary almost immediately that I was looking for something serious—so he knew this and continued to see me.

I’d been seeing someone for a few weeks—we knew of each other through mutual friends, and he pursued me pretty hard. Mind you, this is someone I’d had my eye on for a few years, so it felt so good to feel wanted by him.

Last night things took a turn. We were hanging out at his place planning to watch a film. The first thing that threw me off is he commented about how I sounded like a “snorting pig” when I laughed. Kinda just ignored it. A bit later I asked him if he liked my makeup—was feeling cute and proud of it, honestly. He looks at my dead in the eyes and says:

“Not really. I don’t like how you put that line above your eye. I also don’t like the way you wear makeup on your cheeks.”

Mind you, it’s not like I have a full face of makeup on. Think Sharon Tate with that iconic 60s defined crease. A little blush on my cheeks—nothing crazy.

Regardless, I felt crushed. The night felt spoiled at that point and the conversation turned sour. As much as I wanted to enjoy myself, I just could not. He then opened up, saying I should protect myself emotionally due to his lack of interest in seeking a connection beyond sex.

I’d had a few glasses of wine at the point, and became a bit weepy. Probably unattractive, but damn, he hurt my feelings. It felt like one blow after another. I stayed a bit to sober up but cut the night short, which he seemed surprised by.

I do feel embarrassed by my reaction honesty, but I also believe it wasn’t necessary for him to put me down like that. The combination of my long time desire for him and such a quick burn made me unravel emotionally. I appreciate honestly, but it came
off so rude. Am I justified to feel like this way?

AIO for refusing to donate my kidney to my dad

My dad left when I was 7. No child support, barely any calls, missed birthdays, everything. He eventually started a whole new family and basically acted like I didn’t exist unless it made him look bad publicly.

I’m 26 now. We’ve barely spoken in years.

A few months ago I got a message from his wife saying he has kidney failure and might need a transplant. Turns out I’m a match.

Ever since then, relatives I haven’t heard from in YEARS suddenly care about family. They keep saying things like, you only get one father, be the bigger person, don’t live with regret, God will bless you for this...

But here’s the thing, I don’t even hate him anymore. I just genuinely don’t feel connected to him. The idea of going through major surgery and lifelong health risks for someone who never acted like my parent feels wrong to me.

I told them no.

Now half my family is acting like I sentenced him to death. My aunt literally told me that if he dies, part of it will be on me because I had the power to save him.

At the same time, some friends say nobody is entitled to another person’s body no matter the relationship.

I’m starting to feel guilty because technically I could help.

AIO?

So I made a post a little while ago about this situation and it has continued to escalate and I don’t know what to do anymore to protect my family and mental health.

Here’s a recap and what has happened since.

I’m currently pregnant with our second baby (due in July) and we already have an almost 2 year old. Honestly I feel like my entire life and support system has completely blown up over the last few weeks and I genuinely don’t know handle this anymore since everyone around me is minimizing this situation.

My husband’s brother “Ryan” has a long history of drug abuse, jail/prison, theft, lying, and stealing from family members. He’s currently on parole. A few weeks ago I overheard my MIL talking to his parole officer and the conversation was basically that he had two choices, rehab or jail, because he has been pissing dirty for months because he is on meth again.

Shortly after that he moved into my MIL’s house, which is literally a block away from us.

Ever since then I haven’t felt safe. I’m pregnant, home a lot with our toddler, and my husband works long hours. My MIL was also supposed to be our main support person after the baby is born, so this situation affects our daily life a LOT more than people seem to understand.

The issue was never just that he exists. It was that my MIL repeatedly ignored boundaries after we said we were uncomfortable.

She would show up unannounced with him, try including him in family things involving our son, continue pushing interactions after we already said no, and every time there was some new issue involving him we somehow got dragged into the fallout.

At one point he borrowed her car and disappeared. She called me during my work day needing me to drive 30 minutes away to pick her up because she claimed he had “gone to rehab.” Turns out he never even went.

After weeks of this I finally hit my breaking point emotionally and sent my MIL a harsh text basically saying I didn’t want her around our children while she continued enabling him. I also told her she would not be meeting our unborn daughter right now and asked her to stop buying baby stuff.

I was emotional, overwhelmed, pregnant, exhausted, and honestly terrified. But it was also the first time I had directly spoken up instead of just letting my husband handle everything quietly.

After that everything spiraled.

Instead of anyone actually acknowledging WHY I felt unsafe, the entire family shifted focus onto ME and my emotional reaction.

My SIL started sending me long messages about how I “don’t know how to set boundaries properly” and how I “didn’t handle it with grace.” My MIL cried nonstop and suddenly everyone was treating me like I was some unstable monster for upsetting her.

Meanwhile my husband was texting family members saying I was falling apart, nonstop crying, saying I wished I was dead, etc. To be fair, I WAS emotionally overwhelmed. I felt completely unsupported and devastated because I felt like our entire support system was disappearing right before I give birth.

But then things crossed a line for me.

My MIL and SIL started talking about having me “302’d” and committed to a psych ward because of how emotional I was over the situation. My MIL literally texted my husband:
“We have admit her to the psych ward using code 302.”

That completely shattered any trust I had left.

Instead of hearing:
“pregnant woman feels unsafe around unstable family member with a history of addiction/criminal behavior”

they heard:
“I am the problem.”

Then my MIL compared me to Ryan’s “crazy/toxic/addict” ex and told me my husband seemed “scared” of me the same way Ryan was scared of his ex.

Meanwhile all I kept trying to explain was:

I do not trust him
I do not trust people who repeatedly ignore my boundaries involving him
I am not willing to gamble my children’s safety because everyone wants to believe he changed
I am exhausted from having my concerns constantly minimized

Now everyone keeps insisting:

he passed a drug test
the parole officer conversation “wasn’t true”
he’s changed
he has PTSD from prison
I’m overreacting
I have some “vendetta” against him

But honestly even IF all of that is true… am I not still allowed to decide who I trust around my kids?

What hurts the most is that before all of this I genuinely loved my MIL. We were close. I wanted her heavily involved with our children. Losing that relationship has absolutely destroyed me emotionally.

But at this point I don’t trust her anymore because every boundary somehow became about protecting his feelings instead of understanding why I felt unsafe in the first place.

IDK how to move on from this I’m so devastated and unsupported and don’t feel safe

Miscellaneous flair since it’s not actually for health advice:

Met with new doctor since last summer and expressed at every appt how anxious I am about getting a new IUD because of the pain. She said I had options and we can discuss before the appt so I can avoid what happened the first time.

2 weeks before the appt, I sent a message through the very reliable app and was left on read. 1 week before I said “following up from last week. Appt is in one week” and left on read again. I called the morning before asking Dr to call me back as appt is less than 24 hrs away and she never did.

I’ve been so anxious and upset all that trust built just shattered. I’m deciding not to get the service done but I want to ask her why she and her office ignored a patient like this.

**Edit: Thank you all very much**

I (33M) have lived in my apartment building for about five years. It is a mid sized building, three floors, maybe twenty units total, the kind of place where you recognize faces but rarely know full names. Most people keep to themselves which suits me fine. I work long hours and I come home tired and my social energy outside of work is limited.

About two years ago a woman moved into the unit directly across the hall from mine. I will call her Diane. She was friendly in a hallway kind of way, we exchanged names, occasionally commented on the weather or a package left in the wrong spot. Nothing deeper than that. She had a cat, a small orange female named Clementine, who I knew about because Diane mentioned her once and because I occasionally heard soft meowing through the door when I was coming home late.

Clementine was an indoor cat as far as I could tell. I never saw her in the hallway or anywhere outside the unit. Diane seemed to take decent care of her, nothing about their situation ever raised any concern for me. I barely thought about either of them beyond polite hallway recognition.

About eight months ago I started noticing that Diane's unit was quiet in a different way. Her door mat disappeared. Her packages stopped accumulating. The small potted plant she kept outside her door was gone. I assumed she had moved out but I did not think much of it because people come and go in apartment buildings and it was none of my business.

Then on a Tuesday evening I heard meowing in the hallway.

I opened my door and Clementine was sitting directly outside it looking up at me. I had no idea how she had gotten out. I picked her up because she came to me immediately and did not seem feral or frightened, just hungry and very alert. I knocked on Diane's door. No answer. I tried the handle out of concern and it was unlocked, which surprised me. I opened the door slowly and the unit was empty. Completely empty. No furniture, no boxes, nothing. Just bare floors and the smell of a place recently vacated.

Except for a small pile of cat food cans stacked near the kitchen and a litter box in the bathroom that had not been cleaned recently.

Diane had moved out and left Clementine behind.

I stood in that empty unit for a while trying to process what I was looking at. There was no note. No contact information. No indication that she had made any arrangement for the cat or that she had intended for anyone specific to take over. Just a stack of food cans that suggested she had known she was leaving and had made a decision anyway.

I took Clementine into my unit that night because I did not know what else to do. I fed her, set up a temporary litter situation, and spent the evening trying to figure out my options. I asked the building manager if they had a forwarding address for Diane. They said they could not share tenant information. I asked if they knew about the cat. They said they had not been aware of the situation.

I kept Clementine for two weeks while I figured out what to do. I want to be clear about this because I think it matters. I did not act immediately. I gave it two weeks, fed her every day, kept her comfortable, and genuinely tried to figure out if there was someone I could contact or a better option I was missing. I checked the building notice board. I asked two other neighbors if they knew Diane or had any contact for her. Nobody did.

At the end of two weeks I surrendered her to a local shelter that had a good reputation, a no kill policy, and a reasonable adoption rate for adult cats. I told them everything I knew about her temperament, that she was gentle and indoor trained and good with people. I left my contact details in case anything came up.

About three weeks after that I got a message on my building's community app. It was from Diane.

She had apparently heard through someone in the building that Clementine had been taken to a shelter. Her message was long and very upset. She said she had only been gone temporarily and had expected a neighbor to look after Clementine informally until she sorted out her living situation. She said she had intended to come back for her. She said surrendering her to a shelter was a drastic and cruel thing to do to an animal that was not mine and that she was devastated.

I replied once. I told her that I had found her cat alone in a vacant unit with no note, no contact information, and no arrangement made with anyone as far as I could tell. I told her I had kept Clementine for two weeks before making any decision and had tried to find a way to reach her. I told her the shelter had her and gave her the name and address.

She did not reply to that message. I do not know if she went to the shelter. I do not know if Clementine was adopted or reclaimed. I think about that last part more than I expected to.

The community app thread got a few responses from other residents. Most of them were sympathetic to me. One person said I should have waited longer before doing anything. Another said I had no right to make that call about an animal that was not mine regardless of the circumstances.

I keep turning that last part over. Technically Clementine was not my cat. But she was also sitting alone in a vacant unit with a stack of food cans and no human being accountable for her welfare and at some point someone had to make a decision.

I made one. I am not sure it was wrong but I am also not sure it was entirely mine to make.

AIO?

throwaway account

This happened yesterday. I was standing naked in a bathtub getting ready for my bath (was waiting for the water to start running warm). My girlfriend of 6-7 years was brushing her hair with a wooden brush.

I wasn't paying attention, looking mostly at bathtub faucet (water was oddly long running cold) when she smacked my butt with the brush. Mind you, it was a big, wooden, thick and flat brush which could be considered a spanking paddle.

I raised my voiced saying "what are you doing?!" alongside raising my hand in the air. It hurt like hell. I even told her the day earlier (when she smacked me first time through my pants) not to do it as it hurts.

She apologized immediately. I wasn't mad after a minute, we all do some stuff without thinking, makes mistakes, it might take time to stop doing something etc. After few minutes I saw she was down. I asked what's wrong, she replied that I scared her because she thought I would hit her.

Then she asked my if I plan to apologize to her (for raising my hand). A small argument broke out which ended with me apologizing. I tried to explain that it was just a unconditioned reaction, my body got in defensive position waiting for me to process what's happening. I didn't hit her, I never did nor did I hit anyone in my adult life. She claimed I shouldn't have raise hand and I need to apologize. She then demanded that I swear I never do it again.

I felt like this whole situation was turned to made me feel guilty for it. AIO that I shouldn't need to apologize here?

I (24F) am going to try to write this as plainly as I can because every time I have tried to talk about it out loud it comes out either too angry or too sad and neither of those feels like the full truth.

My dad (51M) left when I was seven. Not dramatically, no big fight that I witnessed, no single moment I can point to. He just became less and less present over about a year and then one day he was not there anymore. My mom never spoke badly about him in front of me which I respect her for but which also meant I spent a long time filling in the gaps with versions of him that were more generous than he probably deserved.

He would call sometimes. Birthdays, occasionally. Christmas, maybe half the time. When I was nine he promised to come to my school play and I told everyone in my class that my dad was coming. I watched the door for the first twenty minutes of the performance. He did not come. He did not call until three days later and said something had come up at work. I told him it was okay because I did not know yet that it was not supposed to be.

When I was twelve he went through a period of calling more regularly and I let myself get attached to the rhythm of it. We would talk on Sunday evenings and I would spend the week collecting small things to tell him. It lasted about four months and then the calls got shorter and less frequent and then stopped without explanation. I kept picking up on Sundays for a while before I accepted that the calls were not coming back.

My mom worked two jobs for most of my childhood. She was tired in a way that was visible but she showed up to everything. Every play, every parent teacher meeting, every early morning when I had a bad dream. She is the reason I know what it looks like when someone decides you are worth the effort.

I got through high school quietly. Did well enough, stayed out of trouble, tried not to need too much from anyone. My dad resurfaced when I was sixteen with a new partner and what seemed like a renewed interest in being present. We had a few dinners. They were stilted and strange, like spending time with someone you are supposed to know but do not. He asked questions about my life in the way that people do when they are trying to appear interested rather than because they actually are. I answered them and went home and cried in a way I could not fully explain.

He did not come to my high school graduation. He sent a card with fifty dollars in it that arrived four days after the ceremony.

When I got into university I called to tell him and there was a pause before he said congratulations that I have thought about more times than I should have. He came to my orientation weekend, which surprised me, and for a brief strange period I thought maybe things were shifting. He took photos and posted them and wrote something about being proud. I saw the post because a cousin sent it to me. He had not posted about me before that and has not since.

University was hard in ways I did not expect. I struggled in my second year with my mental health badly enough that I had to take a reduced course load. I did not tell my dad because I did not know how to explain a crisis to someone who did not know the baseline. I told my mom and she drove four hours to spend a weekend with me and did not make it about herself once.

I graduated last year. My mom was in the front row. My dad came, which I had not fully expected, and brought his partner and her two kids who I had met twice. He cried during the ceremony. Afterward he hugged me and said he was so proud and that he always knew I would do it. I stood inside that hug and felt completely hollow because I kept thinking about all of the times I had needed him to show up and he had not and how he was now attaching his pride to an outcome he had played no part in building.

At dinner afterward he made a toast. He talked about watching me grow up and the young woman I had become. People at the table who did not know our history smiled and raised their glasses. My mom looked at her plate.

I did not say anything that night. I smiled and thanked him and went home and sat with my boyfriend for a long time without saying anything.

About three months after graduation he called to say he wanted to be more involved going forward, that he felt like we had lost time and he wanted to rebuild. He said he knew he had not always been there and that he wanted to do better. I asked him why now and he said he guessed he was getting older and thinking about things differently.

I told him I appreciated him saying it but that I did not think I had it in me anymore. That I had needed him at seven and nine and twelve and sixteen and that I had learned how to not need him and that unlearning that for someone who might disappear again was not something I was willing to do. I told him I did not hate him. I told him I just did not have room for a relationship that had always cost me more than it gave me.

He said he understood, which surprised me. Then he said he hoped I would change my mind someday. I said maybe.

That was eight months ago. I have not changed my mind. My extended family has had a lot of opinions about it. His sister called me cold. A cousin told me I would regret it when he was gone. My mom has stayed out of it completely which is the kindest thing she could have done.

I do not feel cold. I feel tired in a very specific way that I think only people who have spent years waiting for a parent to choose them will fully understand.

I did not make this decision out of anger. I made it because I finally accepted that loving someone from a distance is still a form of love and it does not require me to keep standing at a door that has been closed more times than it has been open.

AIO?

A little background, I found out about this when my 15 yo daughter received a text from her childhood best friend. The friend sent my daughter a picture of the sticker and said that her girlfriend works at a cookie shop I frequent. She saw my name on an order, thought it was funny, so she printed a sticker out (with my full name and a QR code) and put the sticker on her car dashboard. Now, I get that this is a total coincident that this girl would be dating my daughter's childhood best friend, and that the best friend would see this sticker. It is a small world to be sure. This teenage girl had no idea who I or my daughter were. But, I am extremely bothered by the fact that my name is stuck to some random teenage girl's car dashboard, just for laughs, and there's a QR code to who knows where next to my name. I really want to report it to the cookie shop's manager but my two daughters and husband say I'm overreacting and that it's not a big deal. Afterall, our last name is funny. It does include a synonym for a male body part. For anyone wondering, the picture of the sticker isn't clear enough to open the QR code. My daughter asked her friend where the QR code goes, but we haven't got a response. My daughter is begging me not to contact the cookie shop manager, but I want this girl to remove the sticker. AIO?

TL;DR: My 15-year-old daughter’s friend discovered that her girlfriend, who works at a cookie shop I go to, printed a sticker with my full name and a QR code on it and put it on her car dashboard as a joke because my last name is funny. The girl didn’t know who I was, but I’m uncomfortable that an employee used my name from an order this way. My husband and daughters think I’m overreacting and don’t want me to contact the manager, but I feel weirded out and want the sticker removed. Am I overreacting?

EDIT: I guess I wasn’t necessarily upset that my name was being mocked, it is a funny name, it’s more that it was put out there to begin with, and I had no idea where the QR code went, and I wasn’t able to open the QR code from the picture. I don’t want the girl fired, but I also do feel it wasn’t professional of her. Two things can be true at once.

EDIT: I guess it was not clear, I do not know this girl. I do not know at which cookie shop she works. There are multiple stores of this cookie shop in my area. I only know her girlfriend, who was my daughter‘s childhood Bestie. I couldn’t just walk in to talk to her because I do not know what she looks like. It is not my goal to get her fired. I guess my goal would be to just have her talked to that and told that It is not appropriate.

UPDATE: I feel much better about it all today. The QR code takes you to the cookie shop’s ingredient list and menu. She has a lot of other past customer names on stickers in her car too, when she finds something funny, she prints it out and sticks it in her car. I guess it’s a collection for her. I still am of the opinion that this is not something this girl should be doing. But for my daughter’s sake, I’m leaving it all alone and have moved on.

So, my boyfriend is going to a party with a bunch of new friends he just met and decided not to bring me because he is ashamed of me.

He said, "I am going there to make friends and socialize and I don't want to keep entertain you."

I am not an introvert. I definitely do go parties, events, hiking club, run club, book club and yes, with my friends, I never really go these alone but I do make new friends along the way BUT my boyfriend never follow me to any of these before because different hobbies.

So why he got such opinion of me?

The first week into our relationship, my bf brought me to meet his friends. I was socially awkward at first because he was my first bf and I just don't know how to even.... .. yup..

Apparently my bf hates it. He said, his friends were talking bad about me, how quiet and unfriendly I was. Few months later, I became close to all them I apologized for being quiet and unfriendly at first. They all looked confused, I told them what my bf said. They laughed and told me they never said such thing.

Which btw 6 months later, all of them no longer friends with my bf because they were too introverts for him. LOL.

Back to few days ago, he told me he is going to party, this weekend and he doesn't want to bring me because he is ashamed of me.

I got upset because every time he wants to do something fun or go have fun. He would bring new friends but not me. We also barely go out on any dates because he is still studying and I'm working. I don't mind paying but his egoistic tells him man should pay but dude willing to go out with his friends but not with me?? Because I'm too quiet????

Nah, I'm not buying that.

Anyways, present time. He is not talking to me. He is upset that I am upset with him and said I shouldn't be upset and be more understanding and change myself to be more extrovert and more approachable because he finds me uncomfortable and my first interaction with his friends when we were just one week old into the relationship has left a mark on him and he will no longer bring me around anymore unless I change.

So am I overreacting?

I (27F) was with my boyfriend Daniel (30M) for two years. I want to be clear before I write any of this that Daniel is not a bad person. He is caring and warm and the kind of man who remembers every small detail about the people he loves. I say that because what I am about to describe is going to sound like I left a perfectly good man for no reason and I need people to understand that is not what happened, even though I am still not entirely sure I can explain what did happen in a way that makes sense.

Daniel and I got together when I was twenty five. Things moved quickly, not in a pressured way, just naturally. We spent most weekends together, met each other's families within a few months, and fell into a comfortable rhythm that felt easy in a way I had not experienced before. I was happy. I want to say that clearly because I think it matters later.

The first thing I noticed was small enough that I dismissed it immediately. About eight months in Daniel mentioned in passing that he had always imagined living in the suburbs eventually, good school districts, a yard, the whole picture. I said something vague like yeah that sounds nice and moved on. I did not think much of it. People share future visions in relationships. It is normal.

But then it kept happening. He would mention things in a way that assumed my agreement without ever directly asking for it. He talked about the neighborhood he wanted to live in, the number of kids he wanted, the timeline he had in mind, and every time he brought these things up they were framed as shared plans rather than personal preferences he was floating for discussion. We are going to want to be settled before thirty five. We should probably think about getting a dog before kids so we know how we handle responsibility together. When we move in together we should look at this side of the city.

I went along with it more than I should have. Partly because I cared about him and did not want to create conflict over something that felt distant. Partly because I genuinely did not know yet what I wanted and so I had no firm position to offer as a counter. And partly, I think, because the way he said these things made disagreeing feel like a larger statement than I was ready to make.

About fourteen months in I started feeling a low level anxiety that I could not fully pin down. I was happy in the present tense but something about the future that was being built around me without my direct input was making me feel like I was slowly disappearing into a plan I had never signed up for. I tried to bring it up gently once, said something like I want to make sure we are actually talking about these things rather than assuming, and Daniel looked genuinely hurt. He said he thought we were on the same page and that he had no idea I felt like he was being presumptuous. He apologized and for a few weeks things felt more open.

Then it quietly went back to the way it was before.

By month eighteen I had started dreading certain conversations. Not because they were aggressive or cruel but because I knew where they would end up and I knew I would leave them feeling like another brick had been laid in a house I was not sure I wanted to live in. When he started seriously researching neighborhoods and sending me listings I felt something close to panic and I did not know how to explain that to him without sounding like I was rejecting everything we had built.

I ended the relationship four months ago. I told him honestly that I felt like our future had been decided around me rather than with me and that I had let it go on too long without speaking up and I was sorry for that. He was devastated. He said he had been building everything with me in mind and that he had no idea I was unhappy because I had never told him directly. That part landed hard because he was right. I had not told him directly. I had dropped hints and felt relieved when they were missed and let the situation continue while quietly resenting it.

He told his friends what happened. The version that got back to me was that I had strung him along for two years, let him build an entire future around me, and then pulled the rug out when things got serious. Several mutual friends have stopped talking to me. His sister sent me a message that I have not been able to reread since the first time.

And the thing is I understand why it looks that way from the outside. I stayed. I smiled at the house listings. I met his parents and let them talk about grandchildren. I did all of that while feeling increasingly suffocated and I never once said clearly and directly that I did not want the life he was designing.

But I also know that I was slowly being shaped into someone else's future without ever being asked if that was what I wanted. And I know that every time I tried to create space for an honest conversation it was met with such genuine hurt that I learned to stop trying.

I do not think Daniel was malicious. I think he loved me in a way that left no room for me to be a separate person with separate wants. I think he confused assuming with knowing and I think I let him because confronting it felt harder than enduring it until it did not.

I ended it. I hurt him. I probably could have done it sooner and cleaner and with more courage than I showed.

AIO?