u/Plane-General-8649

I (36F) am trying to figure out if I’m completely overreacting here or if my mom’s (66F) behavior is as deeply strange and unhinged as it feels to me.

Yesterday, my stepdad (69M) lost feeling in his left arm for a few hours. My mom took him to urgent care, and they immediately sent him to the ER for a suspected TIA (mini-stroke). He was absolutely terrified because his own father died of brain cancer, and the sudden neurological symptoms triggered a massive health scare for him.

Around 10:00 PM, the ER doctors decided to admit him overnight for a full stroke workup (MRIs, CT scans, blood work). My mom told me that the exact moment the doctor said he was being admitted, she stood up and said, "All right babe, I'm going home. Love you, bye," and left him there completely alone. She called me from the car, literally chuckling about how she dipped out, and asked me what fast food places were open at midnight because she was hungry.

I was floored. Her excuse for leaving him was that she had to work at 6:00 AM the next morning. For context, she works a part-time baking job at a tiny country restaurant two days a week. It is not an essential or high-stakes job. When I asked her, "You're not actually going into work tomorrow, right?" she doubled down, making a huge scene about how she had to go, despite her boss explicitly telling her to stay with her husband.

Shockingly, she did end up calling out of work this morning—but instead of rushing to the hospital, she used her sudden free time to go grocery shopping. She then started aggressively texting me, insisting on driving past my house to drop off groceries for me.

I don't need groceries. I told her I was incredibly confused by her priorities, that I didn't need anything, and that she needed to get to the hospital and be there for her husband. She immediately got defensive, played the victim, and claimed I was being dramatic. Her excuse this time? "He text me and said not to rush because he wanted to sleep, and he asked me to bring him Kind bars."

To be fair, I might be extra triggered by this. Three years ago, I almost died from sepsis and was hospitalized for five days. My mom only visited me for about an hour a day, leaving me entirely alone to deal with the trauma. (She did feed my dogs, which I appreciated, but the emotional abandonment stuck with me).

I know my mom has a lot of repressed childhood trauma and completely shuts down/flees when anything serious happens. But I feel sick to my stomach for my stepdad. I know exactly how cold and lonely it feels to sit in a hospital bed facing a life-threatening scare by yourself. He hasn't even been there for 24 hours, and she is manufacturing every possible errand just to avoid standing by his side.

Am I overreacting? Or is this really fucking strange behavior for a grown woman?

**edit to add - as soon as my mom told me they were at the ER, I told her I was on my way. She told me to wait until they received his test results. I asked if she at least wanted me to bring a phone charger and snacks but she said "no we're okay" plus my step dad is very private so when my mom told me no and to wait, I respected that.

TL;DR: My stepdad was admitted to the hospital for a suspected mini-stroke. My mom immediately abandoned him in the ER to sleep at home, tried to prioritize a part-time baking shift the next morning, and is now delaying going back to the hospital by running grocery errands and trying to force food onto my porch. AIO for calling out her behavior, or is this completely dysfunctional?

I'm 34 years old, I live alone and I'm flat broke. I've been struggling financially for the past two years. I work hard but had some health issues and was out of work for a couple months and frankly have just been playing catch-up ever since.

I have a friend, 29yo, who still lives at home with their parents, adult sister and adult brother. They know I've recently on the brink of foreclosure and some days I literally don't even have food to eat. They asked me recently if I had food and I answered them honestly, no, and then they offered to send me $20. I wasn't expecting this, nor did I ask them for anything, but they insisted so I accepted. I told them (multiple times) I'd repay them as soon as I could and their response every time was, "no way! Absolutely not. Just keep it!"

Their sister has been upset with them over private family issues, involving the recent death of their family pet. My friend doesn't have any financial responsibilities. They don't have any bills, don't have a car, don't pay for groceries, etc. A couple days ago, they randomly asked if I "happened to have that $20" because "they wanted to give their sister a little gift."

Literally their next sentence, they told me they just purchased several grams of dabs (thc) which prob cost them around $150. This, quite frankly, really rubbed me the wrong way. So...they spent a ridiculous amount of money on weed, and now they're asking me, someone who's literally broke - like my checking account is currently in the negative broke - to give them money so they can buy a GIFT FOR SOMEONE? WHAT? 😭 Am I overreacting?

*note - I plan on paying them back as soon as possible because I feel that it's the right thing to do and I don't want to owe this person anything. I'll also never accept help from them again*