u/EmbarrassedMoment808

AIO for feeling manipulated by my boyfriend over a short sleeved shirt?

I know deep down I don’t believe that this is a healthy relationship, but i still proceed because I love him with all my heart.

When me and him first met, i used to dress normally. Balanced not too revealing and not too modest. I spent 2 years like that. Then he started telling me to dress more modestly (long sleeves, baggy clothes, wear a scarf etc) and i went through with it not because of what he was encouraging but because at the time i chose to wear “modestly”

(he is very religious)

For 1.5 years everything about me got diminished like my personality and my mental state. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I spent that entire year at home mostly, and lost a lot of friends because of my mental state. I gained more weight and quit my sport. My relationship with god was barely existent. At the beginning i would cry whenever i was going out.

So i started returning back to my old version. It felt like breathing for the first time in a while.

His reaction was kinda supportive, but when i told him i will wear a short sleeved shirt, he changed. Told me that i don’t respect his boundaries so in return he will do whatever he pleases without prioritizing me.

I told him that i became so depressed and i want a release and to feel alive again.
He said “Sure so please excuse me i am depressed too so imma go have a release my own way”
He also said that if i complain about what he will do it will in a break up. “And one complain from you about anything i do, it will end in a break up”

And it goes on and on like that. I’m currently out wearing the short sleeved shirt but i wished i went out while being supported. I was barely holding my tears in while talking to him.

It’s my first relationship ever. I am someone that is very soft that it helps so hard to breakup, it actually feels impossible.
I want advice on what to do and how.
Thank you so much for reading my post, and sorry if it’s too long.

It’s toxic and i wanna break up but i don’t have the strength or whatever it takes to do so. We made a lot of memories together. He is my best friend but idk

AIO for feeling manipulated by my boyfriend over a short sleeved shirt?

I know deep down I don’t believe that this is a healthy relationship, but i still proceed because I love him with all my heart.

When me and him first met, i used to dress normally. Balanced not too revealing and not too modest. I spent 2 years like that. Then he started telling me to dress more modestly (long sleeves, baggy clothes, wear a scarf etc) and i went through with it not because of what he was encouraging but because at the time i chose to wear “modestly”

(he is very religious)

For 1.5 years everything about me got diminished like my personality and my mental state. But I couldn’t take it anymore. I spent that entire year at home mostly, and lost a lot of friends because of my mental state. I gained more weight and quit my sport. My relationship with god was barely existent. At the beginning i would cry whenever i was going out.

So i started returning back to my old version. It felt like breathing for the first time in a while.

His reaction was kinda supportive, but when i told him i will wear a short sleeved shirt, he changed. Told me that i don’t respect his boundaries so in return he will do whatever he pleases without prioritizing me.

I told him that i became so depressed and i want a release and to feel alive again.
He said “Sure so please excuse me i am depressed too so imma go have a release my own way”
He also said that if i complain about what he will do it will in a break up. “And one complain from you about anything i do, it will end in a break up”

And it goes on and on like that. I’m currently out wearing the short sleeved shirt but i wished i went out while being supported. I was barely holding my tears in while talking to him.

It’s my first relationship ever. I am someone that is very soft that it helps so hard to breakup, it actually feels impossible.
I want advice on what to do and how.
Thank you so much for reading my post, and sorry if it’s too long

My brother is 4 years older than me. He started committing COCSA on me since i was 4/5 years old. It a bit blurry, but I got introduced to porn pretty early on and other forms of SA ( touching my intimate areas etc)

That’s when i started committing COCSA on my cousin who is 15 days younger than me. I don’t know how it started but I guess i started it?

Recently i talked to my cousin about all this mess and he informed me that my brother sexually assaulted him when he was 9/10.

It’s all a mess I know. And it hurts so much when me and my cousin get blamed for everything. Our family don’t like us to stay alone and are always weird around us. But hadn’t they asked how can 6 year olds know about porn and kissing etc? It hurts deeply that i was never protected by my parents when it was happening and after it stopped, i was the one getting blamed. ( they don’t know what my brother did to me)

I don’t like how it affects me rn. How i get disgusted sometimes when i see men. I get this sense that it’s a smell like salt and it makes me so uncomfortable.
I don’t like how careful i am around kids, always thinking of sexual assault when they are around.

I go through days where i isolate myself from people. It happens often like once a month where i get so drained of everything.

I feel like every thing is too much effort. Talking to people, replying fast, hanging out with my boyfriend, hanging out with anyone. Just everything feels too much all the time like it’s a burden or a task i have to do

I used to cope with the sexual assault by being more boyish and strong. I hated being feminine and got all my confidence from being strong
I also struggle with porn addiction now

All of it is hard and amidst all that i just wanna forgive my brother and move on with life.

sometimes I feel like I don’t wanna marry anyone, i just want to be alone with myself

I have known that girl since the first day of school, she was always my friend. Few years ago we started getting closer and closer. She was the first person I opened up to.
We spent the first summer of our friendship inseparable. God, i just miss that summer and the version of myself in it.
It was so beautiful and alive like the way some vintage cameras capture life.
Then the summer of that year ended and winter came, something happened to me that made me so depressed and i was going through a toxic relationship.

I lost myself and my confidence, and with it i lost her too.

Our friendship wasn’t good by all means. I disliked a lot of stuff in it.
Example:

95 percent

1. of our hangouts, she would be talking about a book series she was reading. I read books too, but she was excessive with what she tells me. She would talk about every single chapter in detail and i would just nod and say “wow” or “noway!”

One time i told her about being sexually abused for all my childhood and we cried together then she started talking about her books again.
When i would talk about what I am reading she would get so uninterested and I would just talk for 5 minutes maximum, then she would return to talking again about her books.

I did resent going out with her for that reason to be honest.

2. she didn’t get me any gifts for my birthday.

When it was her birthday, i got her something so sentimental to her. And it didn’t cost that much, but it was full of love. She said it was the best gift she got.
Then comes my birthday, and she doesn’t get me anything. I didn’t need anything, but the thought behind a gift is all i wanted.
And what made me angry back then, was months before my birthday, we went out because she wanted to get a birthday gift for her other best friend. And i thought that surely she would get me something. But no, nothing came. I felt less than her best friend and that I wasn’t as important to her.

3. I genuinely love her other two best friends, but every time i was with them. I would feel so excluded.
   Once i was with her and her best friend, and they were literally walking in front of me and crossing the streets and i was just trying to catch up. They didn’t even notice I was behind

At the end, with everything crashing on me. I started to pull away. And i was wrong to do so without explaining what was happening. I wanted to tell her, but i was just so afraid. I felt like it’s better to let her hate me for pulling away than tell her the real reason.

I wanted to reconnect again and again but i just felt like the same effort wasn’t put.
So i stopped.

I miss her beyond words and i really miss her hug. She was my first real best friend and the first person to ever see me cry.
I just don’t know what to do now. It will feel weird to tell her all that now, right? I am no one to her now.
I just don’t know where to put all these feelings I’m feeling towards her. I wanna let go, but I don’t know how.
If anyone reading this can help, please do.
Thank you for reading🩷

I have a friend of 14 years, let’s call her S.
S had a very huge argument with her best friend ( will call her M) .

The argument was: S was in touch with their geography teacher so they can have a final revision before their exam. The Teacher told S that it’s better to have the final revision in another place so they can include more people.
M disagreed because she won’t pay attention with a lot of people next to her. S couldn’t do anything and at the end the teacher decided to cancel their final revision and make it in the other place.

M accused S of canceling their final revision revision and shouted at her the middle of uni.

S then came to me and my boyfriend and confided in us. We supported her and talked with her about the situation a lot. My bf would spend hours talking to her and helping her. And when she would get lonely, we would tell her to come hangout with us.

When she would get sad, i would go get her ice cream and tell her it’s okay.

2 months go by, then her and M go back together.
Me and my bf KNOW for a fact that M didn’t apologize to her. And we told S multiple times that it was not okay what M did to her and she should not let someone belittle her or speak to her that way.

But, either way that’s her life.
The thing is, S now doesn’t talk to us. She doesn’t wanna hangout with us anymore and doesn’t check up on us.

My birthday was last month, and my bf wanted to surprise me with a party.
He went to plan the part with her and M and some other people.
Safe to say, she wanted to be a part of that surprise party, but then she backed out for no reason.

I got so disappointed at her after my bf told me.
I just idk, i feel like she should have at least been civil with us not just ghosting us and not talking to us.

I would love to know what yall think of that, because i still feel so disappointed and used.
I kinda don’t wanna be friends with her now.
So AIO?
P.s: M is also my friend

Thank you for reading

I have a friend of 14 years, let’s call her S.
S had a very huge argument with her best friend ( will call her M) .

The argument was: S was in touch with their geography teacher so they can have a final revision before their exam. The Teacher told S that it’s better to have the final revision in another place so they can include more people.
M disagreed because she won’t pay attention with a lot of people next to her. S couldn’t do anything and at the end the teacher decided to cancel their final revision and make it in the other place.

M accused S of canceling their final revision revision and shouted at her the middle of uni.

S then came to me and my boyfriend and confided in us. We supported her and talked with her about the situation a lot. My bf would spend hours talking to her and helping her. And when she would get lonely, we would tell her to come hangout with us.

When she would get sad, i would go get her ice cream and tell her it’s okay.

2 months go by, then her and M go back together.
Me and my bf KNOW for a fact that M didn’t apologize to her. And we told S multiple times that it was not okay what M did to her and she should not let someone belittle her or speak to her that way.

But, either way that’s her life.
The thing is, S now doesn’t talk to us. She doesn’t wanna hangout with us anymore and doesn’t check up on us.

My birthday was last month, and my bf wanted to surprise me with a party.
He went to plan the part with her and M and some other people.
Safe to say, she wanted to be a part of that surprise party, but then she backed out for no reason.

I got so disappointed at her after my bf told me.
I just idk, i feel like she should have at least been civil with us not just ghosting us and not talking to us.

I would love to know what yall think of that, because i still feel so disappointed and used.
I kinda don’t wanna be friends with her now.
P.s: M is also my friend

Thank you for reading

I posted this on another subreddit, but i wanted to put it here so i can get support from people that went through the same thing.

My boyfriend hurt me a lot throughout our relationship ( 3 years ). It always happened in arguments where he would call me names, compare me to other girls and belittle me so much.
He broke up with me a lot and always came back to me. I developed an anxious attachment to me because i was always afraid that he will leave again.
I feel like i am constantly walking on eggshells when expressing my feelings, because i don’t wanna say anything that might lead him to argue with me.
He always says that i ask “useless” or “stupid” questions and that makes him so mad.
Example: one time he told me that boys were looking at me, and i asked him “when” and he got super mad that i asked that.

What is hard is that he is also my best friend. He always supports me, compliments me, he always lift me up and is always there for me. He puts so much effort in wanting to meet me or talk to me.

And I truly want him to be the man i marry one day. It’s just hard to ignore what he does in an argument. I am someone who likes to discuss what made us argue or what hurt us and our feelings. But he just wanna get his point straight.

I still keep screenshots of when he belittled me, i don’t know why. I can’t seem to let them go, as if they are a reminder of what he said or done.

I want him to apologize for how much he hurt me, for the days i spent crying, for the days i ignored my feelings just to make him happy, i want him to tell me her regrets it and truly mean it and then change it.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, i am sad and heartbroken and scared of what the future holds.
He is my first boyfriend and i just can’t seem to let go.
I’m writing this here, because i have no one to share this with. And i just wanna let it out even if it’s a fraction of what i feel. And i would love if anyone could give me advice on what to do.

Thank you for reading🩷

Edit: once i opened up with him about being sexually abused for years when i was younger. ( never told anyone, even my parents)
Days after he tells me that he wanted to make fun of me and then block me because i was “touched”
When i asked him why would he say that, he said that it was just “ a thought” and he didn’t “act on it”

I wanna end things with him, but i still love him

My boyfriend hurt me a lot throughout our relationship ( 3 years ). It always happened in arguments where he would call me names, compare me to other girls and belittle me so much.
He broke up with me a lot and always came back to me. I developed an anxious attachment to me because i was always afraid that he will leave again.
I feel like i am constantly walking on eggshells when expressing my feelings, because i don’t wanna say anything that might lead him to argue with me.
He always says that i ask “useless” or “stupid” questions and that makes him so mad.
Example: one time he told me that boys were looking at me, and i asked him “when” and he got super mad that i asked that.

What is hard is that he is also my best friend. He always supports me, compliments me, he always lift me up and is always there for me. He puts so much effort in wanting to meet me or talk to me.

And I truly want him to be the man i marry one day. It’s just hard to ignore what he does in an argument. I am someone who likes to discuss what made us argue or what hurt us and our feelings. But he just wanna get his point straight.

I still keep screenshots of when he belittled me, i don’t know why. I can’t seem to let them go, as if they are a reminder of what he said or done.

I want him to apologize for how much he hurt me, for the days i spent crying, for the days i ignored my feelings just to make him happy, i want him to tell me her regrets it and truly mean it and then change it.

I just don’t know what to do anymore, i am sad and heartbroken and scared of what the future holds.
He is my first boyfriend and i just can’t seem to let go.
I’m writing this here, because i have no one to share this with. And i just wanna let it out even if it’s a fraction of what i feel. And i would love if anyone could give me advice on what to do.

Thank you for reading🩷