r/TrueOffMyChest

I am now almost 31. I did not lose my virginity until this year with this woman I met (she’s 32 now), and she started cheating very early on. She did a piss-poor job of hiding it too, I found out everything the day she started doing it.

One of the men knocked her up and I pretended to just kind of accept it and move on, even saying I’d help raise the child. But in truth, I figured I’d learn sex from her then move on to a woman who doesn’t cheat on me and get pregnant. I was planning to leave when the child was born so that I don’t fuck the kid up.

She is nearly due. And for 7 months now, she has been going to therapy and repeatedly apologizing for what she did when we started dating. And she thanked me for forgiving her and agreeing to help raise her kid. She appears to be legitimately remorseful and I’m just realizing it. I thought she was bullshitting me just to fool me into helping her raise her kid, but she hasn’t asked me to sign anything stupid yet. I found her asking her best friend for advice to prove that she’s sorry (she left her phone out), and she agreed to not force me to sign any papers to prove it.

Simply put, I still left her, I was never able to forgive her for what she did. I stayed with her to gain experience, that was it.

6 months ago a trans guy I had been dating for a few months broke up with me. While I was still inside of him. We were cuddling afterwards and then he just ended it. Right there. I’m over him I don’t miss him anymore, he was a bad guy tbh lol but that event is haunting me so much. Especially since he told me right there that, while it was still inside him, that my dick was too small for this to be a relationship he wanted to be in.

I feel very broken. I’ve become very sex adverse and can’t even feel intimacy or safety even with my friends. I don’t feel worthy of love at all if this person felt the NEED to get out so bad that he broke up with me while we were both so vulnerable and soft with each other. I’m in therapy but it’s not helping. I’m still so deeply damaged and I’m not healing. No matter how much I try and love myself, how much patience I apply, how much I try to rationalize and compartmentalize my feelings, it just keeps coming back. It’s like a gash in my brain, a wound that’s warping everything around it. I’m in so much pain all the time. And nothing is helping, except drinking sometimes.

Around the age of 11, I developed this weird thing that’s like a stutter, except it’s not, some weird speech impediment. It just came out of nowhere. By then we were reading out loud in the class, and it was a horrific situation for me. Not that the teachers gave a shit even when it was clear.

When I’m talking, some letters won’t come to me, like I can’t sound it out randomly, so I either freeze and pick a different word, or I force myself so hard to say the word, I have to squeeze my eyes really hard, and end up stuttering on the first letter.

I tried to counteract it by speaking fast, so I don’t have time to freeze. But then people told me I was speaking too fast all the time. So I slowed down again, and it came back. It went away when I got into high school. I don’t know how but it started happening less and less.

But then around senior year it appeared again. So I started talking less again. Because it’s so frustrating. I pause randomly and I have to either think of a different word, or just pretend I forgot and change the subject because I don’t wanna be stuttering.

Ever since, it’s remained there. Goes and comes back but for the most part it’s there for good. It’s been over a year, it’s still an issue. I don’t know why it happens. Like I can’t even pitch into conversations as often as I want to because I have to get the courage to say the word without freezing on it, and by then the conversation already moved along. So I mostly stay quiet, and only say specific shit to my friends. Mostly boring things, and not what I actually wanna say.

It’s so embarrassing, as an adult, to have this fucking issue. Like I have so much to say but I don’t wanna be forcing out the words like pulling teeth, so I limit myself. It’s so horrible. Talking is exhausting.

My first language isn’t English, but when cashiers ask for my number for their coupons or whatever, I give them my number in English just because it dosent start with a sound I’ll be trying to force out.

Sometimes it randomly goes away, usually when I’m relaxed. But sometimes it’s there even if I’m just by myself.

I’ve even noticed my sister does it now.

I’ve never told anyone about it, I’m sure some people had noticed it when I slip up, but it’s been genuinely a problem for years that I don’t know how to overcome exactly. It’s such a sensitive topic for me because it genuinely limits my communication with people. I don’t like that I have to worry about whether I can say words or not. So embarrassing to admit.

I don't know how many times I will ask an innocent question, and someone will respond with something so useless it does absolutely nothing for the answers I am seeking, or treat me rudely and sometimes even insult me for something in the post.
For a few examples I have had personally these few weeks.
A post I make about a game not displaying customisation and if there are any options to enable it or any mods that do something similar - A guy responds saying he never cared for it and doesn't know if there is anything.
Why in the world would I care that a random stranger doesnt know my answer, and doesnt care for it. Why is he here. It's such a useless comment to make.

Here's another, I asked a question in regards to fitness (i find the fitness community here to be especially volatile, you do anything wrong or not optimal and people jump down your throat) basically going "here is my routine, should I add a core day to it?". Someone responds saying my routine is terrible under a false presumption that I cleared up in the change I made, and when i respond elaborating on how my personal split works, he then further insults it and says "no wonder your core is weak".
The whole reason I made the post was to remedy this problem, and the only thing this guy could say was to be insulting and rude to me over having this problem. And if there is an issue with my split, i would love some suggestions however he did none of that besides being just mean.

A last one (but there are others I and others can think of), I asked a question to a male oriented sub about shaving. I am 21 years of age and a man, but I have never been hairy so when I go from having to shave once every two weeks now to once every two days, I asked if there is any way to slow down hair growth and if not, how to manage it.
However, with the way I typed the post (aka, a lighthearted one), I had way too many people assume I was a child and then insult me repeatedly, saying I am a dumb kid, that I'm throwing a tantrum, etc, when all i was doing was asking a question and then saying "No, im actually an adult with autism, that's why im strange". It was over 60 i think total of comments from people insulting me simply because of the way I typed and assumptions they made? All because I asked how to shave! Of which, there were plenty of people that gave great answers I use today, which makes the insults even more unnecessary.

There are so many more things I can takl about with how people act on this site, like how if I ask a seemingly stupid question people will take offence in my comments rather than just, scrolling, but I'll save the rant.

Is this post gonna accomplish anything? Fuck no, but it feels good to bitch about people on this site because I'll look like a loser anywhere else and especially irl, so id rather look like a loser to a bunch of reddit strangers

I’m in my late 20s, and I just got my science bachelors after years of grinding. I would have graduated years earlier, but the 2020s forced me to delay several courses (I am more than grateful that my university allows students to pick their courses), because these courses in particular were very hands on based. And it’s impossible to do these courses with a computer; can’t examine a hand sample (texture, shine, etc) the proper way on a screen. Not to mention field courses got severely delayed. So it took a few extra years to graduate.

Now, because of the way rental prices went in Canada, especially in metropolitan areas, and the struggle with part time job security (again, a certain pandemic), I stayed at home with my parents. My Mom refused to charge me rent, instead asking only that I help around the house when I need a break from classes. A very fair deal, and it allowed me to pay for some events the student union set up, giving me the change to have some fun on campus as well. Great social experiences, especially with my Autism.

My Dad, however, never fully agreed. He was raised by parents who expected him to move out at 18 and be fully self sufficient. However, part minimum wage doesn’t afford a $1500 a month rent along with university and transit. Let alone food, clothes, books, etc. Even living frugally with the way grocery prices went.

So even during the lockdown, he’d be making comments, getting upset if I was sitting on the couch on my laptop (doing homework, mind you). Mom would shut him down every time, remind him that the times had changed, and that she would rather me stay home and not take predatory loans than risk being homeless and in debt. Honestly its led to a lot of fights. Worse, he’d vent about my laziness to family (my laziness being me finishing an online paper the day before it’s due because I have a midterm the next day, instead of doing the dishwasher or another chore), my lack of work (like I chose to be laid off in a pandemic!), or my screen addiction (again, most homework ended up being online!). Worse, when I wasn’t bogged down by schoolwork and forgot to do a chore once in a blue moon, he’d lecture me about not doing anything in this household. Including when I was sick and still had homework. He’d even vent to me about strangers, including when I was with him!

It’s chipped away at me for years. To the point where I’ve screamed at him, in public, that he was banned from any celebration in my life. Because I was sick of him always souring events because of his whining about my supposed failings. Mom has tried so hard to get him to back off, and even his parents have gotten on his case over it.

After that blow up, which happened just after Christmas, he finally seemed to stop. I still kept him banned from my graduation, if only for my mental health. I couldn’t risk spending the event paranoid he’d do it again. But every day until recently he’s not made a comment.

And, thankfully, the day of my grad went well, and I came back home with a degree and a big smile on my face. Everything seemed fine.

Then came the family get together on his side for this past Canada Day. An event only because my grandpa was getting old and there’s worry he won’t be around next year. I was so happy, and my paternal side of the family was so excited for me. The first one on that side to get a Bachelors. I actually let my guard down with my Dad there; not paranoid about him starting to make comments about me.

When dinner was finishing up, my gran asked me what I planned to do next. That was when my Dad said it. He said, “Move out hopefully. She needs to get with the real world.”

My Mom had then immediately stood up and yelled his name, but Dad stood and shouted that I was a “failure of an adult for not being independent.” Then he went on this whole rant about me being lazy and… and… honestly I can’t even type it. It still cuts deep. I just remember sitting there, crying quietly, as my own Dad said the worst things about me. About my poor mental health. About my lack of work ethic. Everything. All my failings both true and perceived. Even that it took me xtra years to get my degree.

My gran stood and yelled at my Dad, everyone was yelling…

And I just ran. I ran from the party, ran to the nearest bus stop, and took a long bus ride close to home before walking the rest of the way. My Mom came home later, checking in on me; Dad had been forced to stay behind by his parents. But ever since then, I’ve been unable to leave my room except for the bathroom. I can barely even type this. Dad’s finally come home, but I won’t answer his knocks. I’ve blocked him. My mom also called me out sick to my shifts at work; claimed a really nasty flu caught me and took me out. Because I can’t leave. I don’t have any drive. I feel… broken inside. Useless. Like the failure my Dad screamed I am.

Moms booked me an emergency appointment with my therapist for tomorrow. Honestly I’d be lost right now without my Mom. And that makes me feel more pathetic. What adult needs their mother to bring them food or water or basic necessities? Even like this I should still be getting up and doing basic stuff. But… I can’t. I just can’t. I’m a failure and that’s all I can think about.

Im not posting this for sympathy, or help. My Mom is going to drag me to the ends of the earth to pull me out of this. I just… need to get this off my chest. Post it. To, maybe, prove to myself im not a failure…

Call it fake or whatever. I honestly don’t care anymore. Might as well become a lazy bitch like my Dad’s been saying I am… a failure…

I pretended to be asleep while my roommate was having an asthma attack

I was already having issues sleeping that night, I had an iced coffee and iced tea earlier that day (did not know green tea had caffeine). But on top of that, my college roommate and her bf argue every damn night about the same thing.

"Get off snapchat", "where are you going and why", "who were you texting", etc. I think they cheat on each other, or one on the other more often, but I couldn't give a damn because its always a yelling match at like 11PM. (It's 9PM right now and that's exactly what they're doing too, right now, in this very moment.)

One night, he must've worked her up to the point she was crying on and off, and talking about how she couldn't breathe right. Next thing you know she's crying and coughing, running out the room into bathroom for water.

See, I thought her and her bf would leave to go to the ED, but no, the damn paramedics came all the way here to our suite and into the room. I had to lay **dead still,** because I didn't want to be apart of it, that had nothing to do with me so why should I get up?

Re-reading this, this sounds mean as shit, but like I said, it had nothing to do with me so yada yada, maybe you shouldn't smoke if you have asthma and continue to sleep in bed with same man with the guy you think might be cheating on you idk. And maybe you shouldn't leave food crumbs and dirty clothes in the bathroom, dirty bitch.

So, I'm nearing 30, I have a stable job but even with it the price of everything is so high, I feel suffucated. The thing is I don't want a relationship, I've been in a few ones with amazing people and even those made me understand I don't care for them.

The problem is money though, all my engaged/married friends can split all expenses, especially bills and rent or mortgage, while I will have to take them all headon by my lonesome.

I've had roommates before, but it's not sustainable long-term, and it's just not something realistic if you ever wanna buy yourself a house.

Am I just doomed to either live forever in a cheap rental? Is this world just this hostile to single people? I hate this...

I'm (28F) and recently married to my husband (35M). I've had a close relationship with his family, except for his brother, who is not great.

The brother is always rude to my husband. They run a family business together, and the brother is technically my husband's "boss." Even though his brother treats him poorly, my husband has always admired him. My BIL was engaged around the same time we were, but his engagement fell apart, he claims his ex-fiancée was "crazy."

Earlier this year, he asked to hang out. During that hangout, he mostly ranted about his ex, but as he got drunk, he started oversharing personal details he really shouldn't have been telling me. I cut the hangout short and went home. I told my husband about it, and he brushed it off, saying his brother is "usually just inappropriate" and not to take it seriously.

Fast forward, my BIL was hospitalized, and once he was better, we planned a lunch together while we were in town. On the day of the lunch, he and my husband got into a fight I didn't know about, so it ended up being just the two of us. During lunch, he was extremely inappropriate with the wait staff, constantly making comments that made everyone uncomfortable. I got so uncomfortable that I asked my maid of honor (who has a prior history with my BIL) to join us, since she worked in the building next door.

He then invited some friends who were nearby, and we ended up having drinks. As he got drunker, he started showing the wait staff and others at the table content on his phone that was completely inappropriate to share in that setting. He also kept trying to get me to look. That was the last time I agreed to hang out with him. I decided to fully cut him off after that.

Fast forward to yesterday. I met up with my husband and my BIL's cousin, who was in town for a concert. She told me my BIL had been acting very weird with her, making comments about her coming back to his place and saying he "didn't mind" that they were cousins. He'd also insisted on getting her an inappropriate gift and, in front of other people, made a comment about wanting proof she'd used it. I found this genuinely disturbing given that they're related.

I want to tell my husband and my SIL, but I'm conflicted because everyone in the family admires him so much. They're all aware he behaves inappropriately, but they write it off as "that's just who he is." The cousin doesn't want to come forward about what happened either.

Honestly, I'm just worried, for my nieces, and for any future kids my husband and I might have. I don't want this person anywhere near them.

I'm a 23 year old woman, and I was in a relationship for three and a half years with a guy I've known for five years. I thought we were in love and that we were going to get married, even though we didn't state it out loud.

​He asked me for intimate photos back in October 2025, and I sent them to him because I trusted that he wouldn't ask for them if he was planning to leave me. Then, months later, he told me he didn't love me.

​I left him in March, but I feel extremely guilty and humiliated. I feel like I would never be loved if someone knew about this, and I feel disgusted with myself because I know he still has the photos.

He was my first love, ​I don't know how I will overcome these feelings. I feel used, and I don't have friends to help me

When I (22) was 17, I was going through a really hard time in my life because of many factors. I was attending counselling sessions which never really helped me, and I was prescribed anti anxiety medication.

After my first month of taking them and getting a new box, I decided one afternoon to just take all of them. In my mind it was almost a game to me, like I just remember thinking to myself "oh, I could take another, and then another", and so on.

I just sat on my sofa for about half an hour just thinking about what I had done, and at some point my cat sat on my lap and I just didn't even know what to think. I eventually ended up calling an ambulance on myself and I was taken to hospital where they called my parents and flushed my system and had a metal health team speak to me. Following this day I began to self harm and that really gave me a rush that I hadn't felt before, and it continued on for a few months before I eventually stopped because it stopped giving me that feeling.

But this day just haunts me because I cannot figure out if I genuinely wanted to die or if I was just attention seeking because I was a teenager. I just can't believe I called an ambulance on myself, like who does that after they've just tried to overdose?

I feel so much shame and embarrassment when I think back to this and I just want to erase it from my memory so badly.

I still struggle with suicidal thoughts now, and I do have moments where I relapse with my self harming because I get that same sick feeling of happiness seeing it on me.

I just really needed to get this out there I've never spoken to anyone about this because I feel so disgusting.

I 21F moved in with my father 57M and my stepmom ?F (don’t know her exact age, but I think she’s in her early fifties) last year after escaping my mothers 60F abuse

Anyway, my dad and stepmom broke up for a bit after he found out that she set us back over $2,000 dollars on bills that were overdue, she was being given money by my father ($500ish a month) to pay these bills and it turns out that she just wasn’t, she has a very bad alcohol problem and she has been known to buy drugs as well…it was relatively hard for me and my dad to bounce back

On top of that, their relationship is just abusive and shitty, they REFUSE to communicate with each other so it never gets any better

She’s also a hoarder…like pretty bad, just piles shit everywhere like it’s normal…and she won’t throw away trash either, she’ll put it in piles too, she doesn’t clean up after she cooks, she just leaves it for me to take care of, or my dad to take care of…other than that she’s just nasty and passive aggressive, her and my father are always getting into spats…

So imagine my surprise when I come home from spending a lovely weekend at my boyfriends house and I see bags and fucking bags of shit back in the house….i lost it…I am so mentally exhausted…my father told me she was going to be here tonight, but he never told me she was moving back in…I moved so much shit of hers out of my room, if she thinks she’s putting it back in..she’s getting a rude awakening..my father is a fucking idiot.. I love him to death but he’s fucking stupid for thinking she’s gonna change…he’s just subjected us to more risk of financial instability…I’m so tired of being the only adult in this fucking house 😭

Edit: I wanna make some things clear since I forgot some details, I had brain surgery last year and because of it I wasn’t able to get my license when I wanted to, I rely on my father to take me to and from my new job…getting my license stuff done tho is like pulling teeth with him, it’s almost like he doesn’t want me to leave..and that makes me want to leave even more, so for now I’m stuck where I am..I plan to move in with my boyfriend after we’ve been together for a year or so but we’ve only been with each other for a few months

I hate my fucking body. I have endometriosis and the pills I was taking to help are starting to lose effectiveness, but I’m struggling to get in contact with the doctor who prescribed them since it was through college’s healthcare team who is closed for the summer. I feel bloated, in pain, and like shit. I either have to have a surgery in my hometown or at college with a four week recovery period in order to get a chance of helping, but that alone is taking forever to do. I wake up, I’m cramping, I go to sleep, I’m cramping worse. I can’t even get off to help with the pain because that makes the pain 10 times worth. A laparoscopic surgery isn’t even guaranteed to help, and if it does the pain could come back within as short a time as a year. A hysterectomy wouldn’t be a cure, but apparently it can really help.

It’s not even like I want kids. My genes are something that should be passed down, by 16 I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia, by 18 another chronic illness, I get dizzy standing up or standing too long, i don’t need a kid and if I, one day, for some reason, decide I want one, I can adopt! I want this stupid fucking organ out of me. At least then maybe I can get some relief.

I have no friends I have no future I’m so tired of feeling like this. Since leaving school I’ve been lonely me and my girlfriend split and now I feel truly alone, I get home from work and just stare at my monitor hoping someone messages me but no one has.

I hate waking up on the same rumination thought. I can’t study without forcing myself. I can’t reading or eating or talking or dreaming anymore. And for sure I’m not enjoying sleeping because I hate trying to sleep and I hate waking up on a rumination thought . All that because a useless meaningless thought. My brain is fucked and I don’t know if there any hope to unfucked it.

Sorry for myself sorry for my mom and sorry for everyone care about me. Sorry because I can’t be relaxed sorry for faking I’m living. Sorry mom because I let you worry about me. I don’t want to be like that I swear I was a fucking dreamer boy. Before a rumination (OCD not sure) fucked me. Logically the thought has nothing to do with my life and it is not my business. Unfortunately my brain (me) has another opinion.

To be honest I wasn’t happy before it. But at least I was living and looking forward. Now I’m repeating almost the same day since 3 months. Waking up and the first thing I think about is the same thought then it continues with me the whole day.

Edit : I’m 18M and I’m not depressed or anything similar. But I’m hopeless and extremely upset.

I (27M) am lucky enough to have an amazing friend group. In particular, I am the closest to three people (25M, 26F, 26F). We ve been friends for more than 5yrs, and went through so much together. We've been knowing each other since we were fresh out to high school and still figuring it out. Now we are all almost adults, we graduated and we have since entered the job market. And thats the problem. All three of my friends have chosen, partly out of passion, mostly for the job prospects, universities that they knew would lead them to good career. One is an electrical engineer, the other an environmental engeneer and the third one went into economics. I would have loved to choose one of those courses too. Unfortunately I am extremly poorly versed into anything that isn't art/literature so I choose something that I felt would interest me but still give a decent shot at finding a job, so I went into psychology and did a master in HR. Unfortunately due to my country's not great financial status (I live in Southern EU) I have since been bouncing from internship to internship, related to my field or not, with very low pay and no prospect, while they have since moved on to very profitable and extremely low effort career. They managed to score well paying and cushy jobs given the high demand for their figures (they themselves described their job as very very easy). Now they find themselves in a position of being able to plan marriages, buying houses and travel while I am still stuck in my parents house. Now, I want to reiterate they are great people and despite me not being able to take part in their activities due to financial constraints they never made me feel excluded. I want to be happy for them, I really do but I can't help but feel jealousy and wish that I too could be mathematically inclined, expecially when we talk about our work days and they describe it as "sending some mails and attending some meetings" while I as the intern do all the grunt work for 1/4 or less of their pay. Its no ones fault, life's like this but I can't help but feel jealous, despite me trying to not have this show in the relationship I am afraid it does a bit. Plus now they're planning another trip i won't be able to attended, so yeah.

Sorry for the formatting, I am on my phone. Also sorry if my english isn't the best, English is only my second language.

End of rant

Today is my birthday. It didn’t feel like it and it was just another day. The two people I wanted to hear it from didn’t even say it. It just sucks.

Just need to vent this somewhere because I’m sitting here trying to process it and it hit me way harder than I expected.

Long story short I’ve always been super touch-starved. I'm 21M, never been in a relationship, and I literally sleep hugging a pillow every single night just imagining what it’s like to actually cuddle with someone who wants to be there ( I know it's pathetic ).

My family is not affectionate at all I used to try and initiate hugs with them a lot but they never really give that energy back Eventually I think my brain just kind of shut down and I stopped caring or expecting anything from them.

But today, my sister came up and just hugged me out of nowhere. Completely on her own.

The exact second she did it I instantly started tearing up and had to quickly hide from her so she wouldn’t see me literally crying over a simple hug.

It made me realize how brutal touch starvation actually is. There’s a massive difference between asking for a hug and someone actually choosing to give you one just because.

Idk, I’m still trying to calm down but I just wanted to throw this out there. If anyone else feels totally isolated or starved for affection you’re definitely not the only one It’s a heavy weight to carry. 

My parents are asleep but I’m still awake and trying to deal with everything. My 12-year-old sister isn’t sleeping, my 7-year-old brother just woke up, and the house doesn’t feel calm at all. I’m running on about 3½ hours of sleep and I feel completely drained. I’m also on two new medications, and I feel kind of off from them. I just got through something emotional with My old best friend not long ago, and I’m still recovering from that. Fireworks earlier left me shaking and I never really fully calmed down after that. On top of everything, I miss my friends a lot and just feel overwhelmed and tired and like I can’t fully relax. It’s 3:35 AM and I just want things to slow down. I'm not in danger I just don't know what to do. My toe is infected from a blister so it hurts like hell,our neighbors fight to the point we've had the cops come twice and I can't wait to leave. My dad wants me to stay home for college,my mom wants me to travel for college and I wanna go to a different college because it's near my friends. I'm taking care of my siblings constantly which I was before I left and I knew the situation was going to be the same but I still came back to them like a scared freaking chicken because my grandma was evil in ways I won't even explain here. I don't know what to do or how to handle this anymore.

I’m a 26F. I have an MBA and worked in HR.

I spent four years at my first company. Looking back, I feel like I wasted those four years. It was my first job. Even though it was a lower-paying job, it still took me a long time to build up the courage to leave. Even now, thinking about that place still traumatizes me. But last year, I finally quit.

Then I joined another company. The only reason I joined was because it offered work from home. I desperately needed some space and some peace. But my manager constantly picked on me and spoke to me disrespectfully. I don’t even have the words to explain what that experience felt like. I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I resigned.

The day I quit, I cried.

The last time I resigned, I completely panicked. I looked into moving to another country, starting a business, or starting to study something again, and changing my entire life because I felt like everything was falling apart.

But this time was different.

After those first few days of crying, my mind just went quiet. I feel blank.

At first, I applied everywhere and answered recruiters’ calls. Then I kept applying for jobs but stopped answering the calls. Now I don’t even apply anymore. It’s been two months now. I don’t feel any motivation to apply for jobs anymore.

I’ve also realized that I don’t want to stay in HR anymore. But I don’t have any other talent, so what am I going to do? IDK.

Being a woman myself, I’m saying this: almost all of the people who made my work life miserable were women. They were cunning, toxic, and mentally exhausting. They mentally exhausted me in every way possible. These experiences have left me carrying a lot of fear and anxiety.

I feel like my MBA was a waste. I keep thinking that if I had spent those years learning something else, maybe I would have had more choices instead of feeling like a complete loser.

I’ve stopped talking about all of this with my family because I don’t even know what to say anymore. Right now, I genuinely can’t picture myself going back to a 9 to 6 job. It doesn’t feel like me anymore.

But I can’t stay at home forever doing nothing. I need to earn money. This is the first time in two months that I’ve actually written down exactly how I’m feeling. Even talking or thinking about jobs feels like a burden now.

I feel completely lost.

I don’t know if this is burnout, trauma, depression, or something else.

I live in an apartment complex with a pool and a hot tub. I understand kids will be in these areas. I do not understand why parents allow kids to jump and splash in the hot tub, in my opinion that is what the pool is for. I never say anything because it is a public space but I’m coming to vent today because I headed to the hot tub and asked if I could turn the jets on and the parents said, we’d prefer you didn’t because it makes it harder for our daughter to dive for the pool toys. I really think that should be something for the pool, but I didn’t say anything. I left the jets off and I sat at the opposite side of the hot tub from them. The daughter threw pool toys in my direction and I had to move when she dove down to get it to avoid getting kicked. I just wanted to sit in the hot tub to help with some sore muscles. If you read this, thanks for reading and letting me vent.