Back and so confused
MM is on vacation with his wife and kids.
Said it’s the last one and he wanted his kids to see his family.
We met over the weekend and I asked him directly, all things aside, do you want me yes or no.
He said no.
He looked me in the eye and said
No.
After 2 years and endless patience and heartbreak,
He said the no was in relation to the context and it is just because of the kids.
He said when he’s back there will be action but my question to him was then why be with me if he doesn’t want me.
He said we will talk about it when he’s back. I texted him about how it all made me feel and he said he understood didn’t want me to feel scared and that the no was in relation to the context which I’m assuming is that he would not be able to see his kids everyday once they seperate.
I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know how I feel too.
Today he’s off on his family vacation and I’ve spent the last few days and today just sobbing.
I don’t know what to believe, I don’t know what to think.
My therapist told me this morning there always seems to be an excuse.
I’m just shocked that with everything that’s going on, this man seemed to think it was normal to just plan this perfect family holiday and off they go like everything is fine and normal. And I get it- in their house it probably is. They’ll spend an entire week together living this fantasy typical normal family life and it’s gutting to me.
I’m beyond my breaking point I have very little interest in life or anything now, I trusted him, I honestly just can’t believe it.
They’re two parents taking their kids on holiday. Quality family time. This is bullshit. I’m so enraged and I’m also devestated. I don’t know what to do, it’s day 1 and I want to implode.