r/motherlessdaughters

Currently 28 (F) and lost my mom when I was 17.

About a month away from my due date with my first child, who is a little girl.

I’m having such a hard time without my mom through this. Nobody else gives me the comfort that she would if she were here.

My husband is supportive, excited, and is there for me. I just have hard days sometimes.

His mom came over to see the nursery and i missed out on her reaction to the room I’ve spent so much time working on with my husband. She helped my husband build our new baby swing we got from our baby shower. And I immediately just wanted to cry.

I don’t want her doing anything because it’s not the same. She offered to come help out after baby was born. I told her to give me a couple weeks. I don’t want HER, I want MY MOM.

So now I’m just sitting in the nursery crying because life feels unfair right now. Everyone in my life is so overbearing and she was SO gentle and quiet and calming. I have none of that now.

I hate having a dead parent.

She had a pancreatic tumour removed in Feb - all margins cleared. Successfully completed 6 rounds of preventative chemo about a month ago.

She had pre-existing pulmonary fibrosis, went into hospital with a non-specific chest infection and we had to say goodbye today.

I’m so scared to have to live now in a world that doesn’t have her in it. I love her so much, I had 47 years with her but I’m just not ready

I lost my mom to cancer at fourteen- caught late, from diagnosis to death it was about 20 days.

Im 18 now, i feel as though my grief is growing more and more vicious.

I hate that i have to keep living with this feeling i always carry. I am so jealous of my friends ( and them not having dead moms ), it’s pitiful.

I miss having a mom, I so deeply wish i still did. I wish I could change the world.

Im currently living with my dad, his wife of 25 years. We have all ( plus my 2 older brothers) lived in poverty my whole life. My mother worked and spent everything on us, so as she has died, my dads wage isnt covering the full month anymore. Im desperate, im mourning but im in therapy and not drinking or doing drugs. Im desperate for me, my dad and my eldest brother who has a daughter and is also equally struggling. Im not sure if this is the right place to post, ive never done this before.

Anyway thankyou for listening

My grandmother is 88 yrs old.. My mom and I go over to her house every Sunday. My grandma cooks and my mom and I do the dishes.

We never miss a Sunday unless someone's sick. Thos past Sunday I had some other things I should have been doing. So I wasn't going to go to my grandmas. But then something came over me and I thought what if this the last Sunday I get to eat what she cooks.

So I went to grandmas to eat and hang out. She made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, homemade Mac and cheese, garden grown green beans w/ ham, and chicken gravy. It was delicious. So happy I went.

That made me think about if that was the last meal she ever cooked me I would definitely remember that forever. And I would also miss her cooking.

So, since my mom died 13 years ago, my dad has remarried and become completely self absorbed. It honestly has been like a slow motion ghosting process.

And now, we’ve finally reached the point where he didn’t acknowledge my birthday in any way. Not even a text. That was about 3 weeks ago now and I’ve heard nothing from him since. I am 35 and have been more or less without parents for so long now. I’m just tired and sad and lonely.

We had another argument with my dad.
And once again, he brought up his sacrifices.
He always does.
Whenever we disagree, whenever we try to defend ourselves, he reminds us of everything he has done for the family. He tells people how much he sacrificed, how much he provided, how much we should be grateful to him.
But this time, I couldn't stay quiet anymore.
Because I kept thinking about my mom.
What about her sacrifices?
Why does everyone talk about his sacrifices as if my mom didn't give everything she had too?
She worked abroad just to provide for us. She spent years away from home. She worked day and night while we were growing up. We studied while carrying our own struggles, and she worked thousands of miles away because she wanted us to have a better life.
She missed birthdays.
She missed ordinary days.
She missed being there when we needed her.
And yet she still kept going.
She sacrificed her own comfort, her own time, and parts of her own life for us.
Then one day, during the argument, my dad even pointed toward my mom's burial photo and said that we should be grateful to him.
That broke something inside me.
I told him:
“Why should we only be grateful to you? What about everything Mom did for us?”
I told him that he should be grateful to her too.
Despite everything he had done to her.
Despite the way he treated her.
Despite all the pain she endured, she still chose to stay and forgive.
She let go of so many things because she loved him.
But what did she receive in return?
More pain.
More hurt.
More reasons to cry.
How can you keep telling us how bad and ungrateful we are when you never stop to ask yourself what kind of father you were to us?
Were you really a good father?
Were you really a good husband to Mom?
Because growing up, I don't remember feeling loved the way a child should feel loved by a father.
What I remember are the curses.
The shouting.
The humiliation.
Being embarrassed in front of other people.
Being made to feel small.
And whenever I finally turned around and defended myself, suddenly I became the ungrateful child.
Suddenly, everything became my fault.
But I remember Mom differently.
In my entire life, I don't remember her raising her voice at me the way you did.
She never needed to curse at me to make me understand that I had made a mistake.
If I did something wrong, she would talk to me quietly.
Privately.
She would explain what I did wrong instead of humiliating me in front of everyone.
That is the kind of parent I remember.
That is the kind of mother she was.
And maybe that's why losing her hurts so much.
Because I didn't just lose my mother.
I lost the one person who made me feel safe.
So when you point at her picture and tell us to be grateful to you, I can't help but feel angry.
Because I know what she sacrificed.
I know what she gave up.
I know how hard she worked.
And I know how much she loved us.
You always tell everyone that you're an educated person.
You remind us of your education as if having a degree automatically makes someone a good person.
But education isn't just about what you learned in school.
It's also about how you treat people.
How you speak to your family.
How you control your anger.
How you respect your wife.
How you make your children feel.
So sometimes I want to ask you:
What is the point of being educated if you don't know how to treat the people who love you with kindness?
I know I have said harsh things.
I know sometimes my words come out full of anger.
But there is a reason behind that anger.
There are years of pain behind it.
Years of swallowing words.
Years of staying quiet.
Years of watching things happen and telling myself to just endure it.
I'm not trying to say that I am perfect.
I'm not.
I've made mistakes.
I've said things I regret.
But I'm tired of being told that I'm ungrateful every time I finally speak about how I feel.
I am not asking for a perfect father.
I never needed one.
I just wanted a father who could listen without shouting.
A father who could correct me without humiliating me.
A father who could admit when he was wrong.
A father who could look at his children and understand that we were hurting too.
And most of all, I wish you had understood how much Mom sacrificed.
Because while you keep counting everything you gave, we remember everything she gave.
And maybe that's the part that hurts the most.
She's no longer here to defend herself.
Her picture is the only thing we have left.
So when you stand there and tell us to be grateful, I can't help but look at her photo and think:
“Mom, I saw everything you sacrificed. I know how much you gave. And I'm sorry you had to endure so much.”
I will never forget her.
And I don't want her sacrifices to disappear just because she isn't here anymore.
You can tell everyone whatever story you want.
You can tell them how much you sacrificed.
You can tell them how ungrateful your children are.
But I know my own story.
And I know hers.
She gave us everything she had.
And I will always remember that.

Ever since my mama died on 10/2/2025 I have lost my way to feeling and really wanting to pray. The night before my mama died I called her late in the night which is odd because it’s just something i would never do but i think it was God telling me to do it. We talked. She wasn’t feeling good, I told her to call the ambulance. She said no but if she wasn’t feeling better in the morning she would. I told her I loved her and we hung up and both went to bed. I got woke up the next morning by husband through our camera that’s sitting on our fireplace mantel. He said honey wake up and call your daddy or Lindsey. It’s about your mama. I called. They told me she was dead. That they were doing CPR on her and was on the way to the hospital with her. I got ready. My daughter stopped and got me. We are almost 2 hours away from the hospital. On the way, the hospital nurse called me @9:43 and told me she was in critical condition but would be fine. We get to the hospital and they were waiting on us and took us in a room. The dr said I’m so sorry ms Ruby passed at 9:40. I yelled out. Someone called at 9:43 and told me she was critical but would be fine. The dr apologized for the mixup but the damage was done. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her. I got to go back to her room and run my fingers through her hair and tell her how much I love her. But since then I just can’t grasp the feeling that God is there for me. I’ve tried praying but it’s like my prayers only get past my lips. It’s like he’s not listening. Since mama died my anxiety and depression has skyrocketed. Panic attacks are horrible. WHERE DID GOD GO WHEN I NEEDED HIM MOST? I go to church every Sunday. Worship service I can feel his presence but it seems as soon as church is done, God disappears.
I NEED HELP PLEASE. ADVICE?

Hello, my name is Marie. I’m 21 years old and I don’t have a family. My dad died of cancer and my mom is an alcoholic. I’ve been on my own for almost 2 years now. And I’ve accomplished so much on my own. Yet the more I accomplish the sadder I feel. I just got my own place, this will be my first place without any roommates and all on my own. And although I’m so happy and proud I can’t help but feel so miserable. I mean I wouldn’t be in this predicament, if I had a family. I was doing Jitsu for a little bit but I had to stop. I would get so happy but then when I came home, I would get so depressed. It was like I was riding a high and then when I came home reality hit and I was alone. No one to talk to just silence. I love my friends, they mean the world to me but it’s not the same as family. What they mean to me isn’t the same for what I mean to them. They have their own family, people to talk to and people that understand them on a deeper level. I’m very outgoing. I love talking to people, but I can’t help but feel so empty. I spend every day alone. I will never have a family to share a meal with, someone to call for advice, go on a family vacation, or be a part of something. I’ve gotten so desperate I’ve been looking up ways to pay people to make a fake family, I want to mean something I want to be someone’s daughter and I want to be the best I can. My birthday is coming up in October and I feel like I’m supposed to feel excited, but I feel so anxious and scared. and then after my birthday is the holidays. That’s what really hurts. I spent the holidays alone last year. My friends offered me to join, but I knew it wouldn’t be the same so I opt out. I feel like holidays were meant for families and I don’t want to play pretend or make other people uncomfortable when I’m not a part of theirs. I spend every day alone, I really just want a family.

My mom died right before I entered middle school, my dad doesn’t talk to me, and my sisters are cut off from me due to decisions in life. I also recently left my church because I figured out it was a cult after being raised in it for so many years. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, so it’s not anything new, but I just feel so alone and so much anger. Like, I hate my sisters, and my church, and the friends and family who have left me but I also miss them a lot. I miss my niece and nephews who were like my babies, we did everything together and I now I can’t see them. All of my friends from church are distant or don’t talk to me, my family left when my mom became ill and disappeared after she died, and it seems like no matter how hard I try to make friends, go out, people just leave or decline my invitation over and over again. And I know what I should do, therapy and keep trying, but I’m just so angry and tired. It’s exhausting and stressful and I just miss my mom. Everyone talks about their moms annoying them or talking to their mom about stuff and I just can’t and I feel bitter. I just miss my family, I miss my mom and sisters and nieces and nephews.

Lost my mom on 7/21/26

My mom, 68, has been very sick a long time. It started with kidney failure and self neglect. Then heart issues and lung issues and the worst was pulmonary hypertension. She had a lot working against her. It has been a long journey keeping her alive these past six years. Her condition deteriorated rapidly over the last two years. She went into the hospital last summer. We did not expect her to get to go home. She did for a whole year. We were all grateful we got another year. This summer she has done surprisingly well. My mother was a tough old bird for sure. Mentally her condition deteriorated too. I could tell by her memory loss and confusion and inability to follow movies that her mind was understandably struggling as well.

I was there for her for anything she needed. Taking her to the doctor, getting her whatever she needed, taking her out to eat. When she got out of the hospital last summer, she was nearly bedridden a while. I stayed every weekend cleaning and caring for her. I will admit it was mentally taxing trying to converse with her at times. It was tiring getting her to and from doctor’s appointments. I did it anyway. I have gotten to the point of not looking forward to calls from her although I took them religiously. It got to the point I was just going through the motions of talking to her, answering repeated questions. Listening to the same gossip… I guess part of me was trying to emotionally detach and I feel guilty. I should have cherished those calls as annoying as it was. I knew we were on borrowed time.

She went into the hospital for blood pressure issues and confusion. This was typical for her. She went in on Sunday , 7/19/26. She called me at 1:30 am on the morning of 7/20/26. I got out of bed and went into the living room and talked to her. Assessing how she was. She started complaining how my dad got on her nerves and everyday bs. I just listened. She then said she was going to try and call my aunt. I gently told her it was 1:30 am and she may not answer. My mom was unaware of this. I let her know later in the morning I’m going to my own appointment and will be there afterwards. I told her to be thinking about what she wanted food wise.

9’ 7/20, as I was headed out the door to my doctors appointment her dr called me. They informed me mom had gone into cardiac arrest and they were working to get her back. I told them I’d be there asap I went straight there. They got her back but she was on a vent and heavily sedated l. Turns out, she needed an emergency surgery because her stomach had a hole in it…. Possibly from the compressions. ….which was actually risky because of her severe pulmonary hypertension. She had a 30% chance to survive it. But it was that or die. She survived the surgery and actually did well. Came around and was even her old self after her vent tube came out the morning of 7/21. She was stable. So when my aunt got there, I left to go home to handle a few things and shower. I went back to the hospital and when I was about two doors down from her room I heard her nurse scream for help and the code blue alarm went off. All the staff swarmed in and started cpr and other life saving measures. It was very chaotic. My aunt was sitting there in shock..I went in the room and climbed in her lap and covered my eyes. I knew mom wouldn’t get through this one. A nurse escorted us out into the room reserved for family who are about to possibly get bad news. The whole thing was awful. As I knew it would happen, the hospital chaplain and a support person came to let us know she didn’t make it. They were getting her cleaned up so we could see her. Then I got see her lifeless on the bed a bit later… when we literally had a whole conversation, even some jokes, a few hours before.

I’m having trouble trying stop thinking of that day. I wish I had never left the hospital.

Overall I guess I’m ok. I cry at weird times. Like Saturday night I was out to dinner with the fam and expecting her to call. She always seemed to call when we were out. I checked my phone then remembered and sat there crying.

Thanks for anyone who read to this point.

Came home today and everything was... fine.

Laundry done. Fridge has food. Bills paid.

But it’s so quiet.

I miss the noise of her asking 10 questions the second I walked in.

"How was your day? Did you eat? Who called?"

I’m grown. I’m okay.

I just miss being someone’s first thought when they get home.

Do you miss the noise too?

Mom,

Remember how you always said "hard work always pays off"? I got it. The job I’ve been interviewing for the past 3 months.

I picked up my phone to call you first. Then I remembered. I told everyone else. My friends said "congrats". My dad said "good".

But no one said it the way you did. "That’s my girl. I’m so proud of you." I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to be happy for myself.

But tonight I just need to hear it. Just once.

Do you think you’d be proud of me?

I did this for us too.

My mom died when I was 11 of cancer. I'm 23 now, almost 12 years ago since it happened, and I'm just now starting to talk about it and accept that this is my life. She died on August 20th and everyday day of August feels like hell knowing I get closer to the day she died. I want to do something but I don't know what. She was buried in her home country so I don't have a grave to visit. If I did I would be there every day. I don't know what to do. I feel so far apart from her. Could I go to a random grave and pretend it's her? I just want to feel close to her

I lost my mom on 12/2024, it has hit hard. My mom and dad were married for 35 years and dated for 5 so basically they were together their whole life. About 4 years ago I moved to a different state which meant instead of the 3 of us it was just my mom and dad together.
About 3 weeks ago my dad told me that he spends time with a female coworker of his and they go out to eat and just enjoys her company but they aren’t dating. He told me because we have Life360 since he has a tendency of losing things or leaving it somewhere else. And since I would be seeing him spending time at an unknown location he wanted me to know why.
I’m not sure how to feel about it I know he said they aren’t anything but the thought of him spending time with another woman feels like he is betraying mom, it hasn’t even been 2 years and they were together all their teen years/adulthood.
I don’t want him to be a loner and depressed but this also feels weird.

Any tips/recommendations?