r/motherlessdaughters

I just miss my mom, every day, but today especially. I have been grieving her longer than I had known her— how sad is that?

God. It is a chronic grief and it fucking changes everything. I am so tired. Every year the picture I have of her in my minds eye gets a little more blurry. No adult in my family has coped properly, I never get to talk about her without someone holding back tears or an ache that will never ever go away.
I would do anything to hear her laugh, smell her perfume, and get some advice.

Every year on this day, I feel differently. Today, I am sad. Please just let me be sad.

Im 17f and my mom 52f who had cancer died about an hour ago in her sleep, she was in no pain. I just had gone outside with my sister when it happened and my brother called me to come back, he sounded calm. When we got to her room my brothers girlfriend was there crying and we knew right away she had passed.
I felt nothing even though i started crying but i know i havent prosessed this at all and im scared when is it gonna hit me.

We spent the whole day in the hospital because her condition had crashed, she barely was breathing, she was so heavily medicated she wasnt making any sense and was just staring straight forward and was really quiet. She didnt even look at any of us. Then they had to give her something to make her fall asleep basically unconscious, after that her breathing sounded so painful i couldnt be in the room, for the most part i was just sitting outside her door waiting for her to wake up, which she never did.

What should i focus on now? What has helped you with losing a mother? How do i continue in life rn, im starting my last year in school and i have finals i should be studying for and i dont know how im supposed to do any of that

I'm a 15 year old girl and I lost my mother a month back. I don't even know how any of this is real, how does someone lose the person who gave life to them? Who do I talk to now? Who scolds me now? Who guides me now? She was never sick, always healthy and happy. We were a team and loved each other a lot. Not a day goes by when I don't think of her. Just wanted to share my pain.

Hi everyone.

I lost my mother recently, and I still can't believe she's gone. She had cancer and was going through treatment. We hoped she would recover, but then she developed a severe infection that turned into septic shock. She spent time in the ICU, and even though there were moments when her blood pressure and oxygen seemed stable with medications, everything changed very suddenly. Within a short time, her blood pressure dropped, and despite the doctors' efforts, she passed away.

We had so many plans together, including starting our own clothing brand. Now everything feels empty. Things I used to care about, like the gym, weight loss, fashion, and everyday life, don't seem to matter anymore.

I keep replaying her final days in my mind, wondering if something could have been different or if I missed anything. I know these thoughts may never have clear answers, but they are hard to escape.

If you've lost your mother, how did you survive those first weeks or months? Does this unbearable pain ever become easier to carry? I would really appreciate hearing your experiences or any words of comfort because I feel incredibly lost right now.

Thank you for reading.

has anybody else here lost their parent(s) whilst they was under the age of 18?:(( i was 11 years old when my mum passed away of terminal cancer.

i constantly feel robbed of a normal childhood becuase my mum first became sick when i was 7ish?? years old..she got better within a year but she was never normal again, then 2 years later her cancer came back. i have so much trauma of hospital trips and random ambulances coming to my house in the middle of the night and me waking up from the sound of unfamiliar voices.

It also feels like this whole thing possibly could’ve been avoided.. my mum went to her doctor complaining about a lump in her breast and he told her she was fine? (he also did this to one of my friends mum who also ended up having breast cancer) so not only do i have anger towards the world but also to a doctor who has most likely failed multiple people and families.

The hardest part about this whole thing is that i never see things improving, im constantly stuck in the same mindset of sudden realisation she’s gone and never coming back but also the thought that i can’t actually process it’s been 6 years. i’m 17 now and i fear it’s only gotten worse.

In the first few weeks and months following after he death i rarely cried. i forced myself to be somebody i wasn’t also, i was pretty harsh towards people and nobody understood why. That’s another thing, nobody gets why i am the way i am. I could explain it to myself in my head but the words coming out of my mouth make me feel like im attention seeking.

In dec of last year it got bad i stopped going to school, i go through constant waves of emotions, im never at all balanced and happy.

even here practically posting this anonymously i feel embarrassed but here goes

I’m now an addict and have no family.

I just want someone to see things the way I do.
How can I stop doing❄️

I do 8balls by myself

Can someone give me some advice on how to overcome this

I feel silly writing this, but I think I just really need to feel like there’s a mother figure listening to me for a minute.

I’m 28, and lately I’ve been feeling really emotionally worn down. I’m trying so hard to build a life for myself. I have a job I care about and I’m proud of how hard I’m working, but I still feel like I’m behind somehow. Like everyone else is moving forward, becoming settled, building homes and families and futures, and I’m still trying to get myself into a place where I feel like I'm an individual person.

At home, I often feel invisible unless I’m useful to someone. I've never been mothered. I was always my mum's parent. I’m expected to manage, help, absorb, fix, and stay quiet. And I'm financially stuck here as a result of my mum's choices. I'm working on leaving but I don't know when that will be.

I’m tired in a way that’s difficult to explain. I keep trying to be strong and sensible and adult, but there’s a little part of me that just wants someone to notice that I’m struggling and say 'I know. You’re doing so well. You’re not behind. I’m proud of you.'

I think I’m grieving the kind of mum I wish I had. One who asks how I am, who notices when I’m overwhelmed, who notices me. Who makes me feel safe instead of guilty or responsible. I try to get along with my mum, but I don’t feel like I exist to her outside of my service and as a wall to talk at, and sometimes that hurts more than I know what to do with.

I don’t think I need advice so much as a bit of comfort. I just want to feel like someone kind is on my side tonight, and like I’m not failing just because my life doesn’t look the way I hoped it would by now.

Thank you for reading.

Hi guys I'm 20F my mom died last year in May 2025 and me and my ex he was my first boyfriend and maybe even my first love and we were together for 2.5 years and when my mom was in hospital she wanted to talk to him and he didn't pick up her call coz he didn't want to commit to me (he thought she was gonna ask him to commit) they have talked on call for 2-3 times before when she had cancer but when he didn't pick up phone in hospital and then she passed away I was sad coz when my mom had cancer for 3 years he acted as comfort to me a distraction so even after she passed away we still used to be on and off and now it's been over a year and we are still on and off and ik it's linked to my mom and that time period but I'm not able to study not focus I always try to distract myself through social media and all I just can't deal with loss of 2 people mann I have number my feelings this past year i am even taking therepy and i still feel like I haven't really gotten better.

I am actually very new to Reddit. I literally just made this account and this is my first post.. so please forgive my ignorance lmao. But I am a 31F. I have no one to turn too family wise. My father passed when I was 16. Parent wise he was my HERO and my only REAL PARENT. He was a shining example of what a parent SHOULD BE. Unfortunately, he also lost his father @ 3. So I never had a grandfather. His mother and my aunt (dad’s sister) are the CLOSEST THING I EVER HAD TO MOMS. honestly my grandmother more than my aunt. She was mom. Sadly, I never got to appreciate them for the role they so heavily in my youth. When my father passed I got really angry with everyone and everything. NOW for the villain of our story. The human incubator I affectionately call her now or my biological mother in official terms. THIS WOMEN IS THE DEFINITION OF WHAT THEY MAKE DOCUMENTARIES ABOUT. She is pure evil. One day maybe I’ll drop the lore on her. But long story short I went no contact with her when I was 27. And over the past couple years I have never felt so alone in my life. I watch everyone w their families being able to go ask their parents for help advice or even just shoulder to cry on. If not their parents they have someone. But not me.. I don’t know how to heal any of this and I feel wrong for just wanting to be treated like I deserve a family….. if anyone could give me some advice guidance god jus a ear to listen… again im sorry this is long.. my heart has been heavy and I see people on YouTube going to Reddit and finding community and just not feeling well so here I am. This is my first throw of a life vest if you will.
And to the people who actually read this 🥂

I’m going to be 29 in October and man.. it’s a lot. Daily. It all comes in waves. Mom passed after my dad, both were super traumatic as I watched them both die a slow death. So bad that I just could not go to my mom’s funeral, I was incredibly traumatized and still am. My dad was like swelled up and purple-ish green in his casket and I mean, growing up seeing him as this handsome super man marine with strong hands that help me and a healthy bronze face saying “hey mija” so lovingly, it really fucked me up. I know my mom’s spirit understands and will always understand. But anywho, I started dating my bf shortly after momma passed. Known each other since high school. That entire first year was good, hard but good, around the second year things just got bad with me. Fast forward, there’s just no healing in our relationship I guess. I think about the friendships I’ve lost along the way, I mean none of my friends came to my dad’s funeral so that speaks for itself but.. this is the first time I’ve actually shouted out into the void of this traumatic late twenty orphan identity bull, I see as I age how much it truly effects me. I mean I’ve even envied my bfs connection with his family, and how his mom doesn’t truly love me like how my mother did. I’m constantly jaded. I’m pretty bubbly and happy but man, at the end of many days I tend to be sad and angry. I’m lost. I dunno if I even want to be a mom now knowing my parents won’t be there, I feel alone. Thank God for my sister. I have an issue with feeling like the biggest pos for my grief and the way I can’t always be happy for others or for myself, bc a huge part of me is constantly remembering I’ll never have my two biggest supporters and protectors.

Hello fellow motherless daughters

I hope everyone is as well as they can be and doing our best to remember all of the amazing times we had with our mums.

I don't know if this is allowed here but I wrote the book that I wish had been available to me when I first lost my mum.

It's called Motherless at 21 and is really a guide of what has helped me to feel more at peace without my mum. Hopefully it will help you too.

It's available on Amazon if you want to read it.

I also have a guided journal for motherless mothers too again something that helped me as a Motherless mother and something I would have benefited from had it been available to me when I was a new mum.

Wishing everyone well and sending positive vibes to you all.

X

My husband and I finally got pregnant for the first time this year after ttc for a few years and unfortunately we lost the baby in the first trimester. That destroyed us and we were learning to cope and grieve and move forward. About a month and a half later I lost my mother after 5 years of battling cancer complications, started out as breast cancer, then rectal cancer that was treated but sadly metastasized to her lungs. She passed at home with hospice. I have never posted on Reddit and I’m just trying something out because I can use all the advice or support from anyone who has gone through something similar. She was my best friend and thinking of the fact that she will never see me be a mother or that we won’t ever be able to talk on the phone, shop, or cook together again kills me. It has only been a little more than a month and I can imagine time will help but I feel as if a part of me went with her when she passed. These losses were practically back to back and I have never gone through something so traumatic.

I don’t even know where to start.

I’m a 26 year old single mom, and I feel like I’m drowning.

I grew up surrounded by dysfunction and chaos, and I’m scared that I’ve recreated the same life for myself and my son.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a mom. I imagined giving my child the kind of life I never had. Instead, my son is autistic and has a speech delay, and parenting has been so much harder than I ever imagined. I love him, but I also carry a lot of regret for becoming a parent, and I hate admitting that because I know people will judge me. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I emotionally shut down, and then I feel guilty because none of that is fair to him.

After my mom died in 2020, I felt like I had to become the parent in my family. I stepped into that role for my older brother and younger sister because I didn’t want them to feel alone the way I did. In the end, my brother used me, and my sister stole money from my son (his ssi). Losing my mom was already devastating, but feeling abandoned by the people I tried to take care of made everything so much worse.

Now I constantly question every major decision I’ve made. I left a relationship. I moved to Ohio. I’m living with a cousin who I don’t know if I should have moved in with. She is the only person in my family I talk to though. I spent a long time praying and thinking through those decisions because I wanted to follow God. But now that life feels so heavy, I keep wondering if I misunderstood everything. I don’t know if I made the right choices or if I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I did.

The hardest part is how alone I feel.

I don’t have my mom anymore. I don’t have a support system that actually makes me feel supported. I have people around me, but I don’t feel understood. It feels like everyone needs something from me, but nobody really asks how I’m doing or notices that I’m barely holding myself together.

Every day I’m trying to juggle being a single mom, working, taking care of my son’s appointments and needs, dealing with finances, car problems, school, and everything else life throws at me. I keep pushing through because I have to, but inside I feel like I’m drowning.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear from everyone for a while. I miss the version of me that had hope. I went from 145lbs to barely hitting 100, and i hate to see myself in any mirror.

I’m not posting this because I want pity or for people to tell me I’m a terrible mom. I already criticize myself enough.

My son is 4 and turns 5 this month. He’s incredibly smart, and I love him. I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt this broken, this overwhelmed, or this full of regret and actually made it to the other side. If you did… what helped?

My mom died in November. Long battle with dementia. My son (9) wants to do something for her birthday. I have no idea what. What did you do for your money first birthday after she died? Or any suggestions would be great. I’m not good at coming up with these things. I still cry at night several nights a week, so it’s still quite hard.

My mom had stage 4 cancer and vascular dementia. The hospice nurse said she had taken a turn for the worst and believed mom had a few days to a week. I booked plane tickets. Connecting through O’Hare, as no direct flights are available. My brother was there and texted me to tell me he thought mom was gone. The hospice nurse confirmed her passing. I missed her by three fucking hours. We had already had our “last talk” about a month ago when she was still coherent. Her last words to me were “I love you sweetie, be good”. I know she didn’t know I wasn’t there at the end. I wanted to be there for my dad and my brother, together as a family when she passed, to support each other. I feel like I failed them. And then I could only stay a week, so I feel like I abandoned them. My heart is breaking in a million different ways. I just want my mom back.

I lost my mother 3 years ago and I still feel the pain like when it first happened. I feel so alone. We could tell each other anything. All I can do is cry. I try and socialize with people but what I really want to do is be alone and write her letters. My mom was the best person to know. I feel dead inside and I don’t like the person I am now without her here. I may sound weird but I really need someone to say something to me about how to handle this and just get through the night.

(24M) and my girlfriend (24F) have been together for the last 8 years About two months ago her mum passed away. Before that she'd already lost her grandma a few years ago. Those two basically raised her. She was an only child and got parents divorced when she was like 2 and then she moved to the uk from Australia w her mum and started living w her grandparents here and they were literally her whole world. Ever since her mum died, it's like she's just... gone. Every time I go see her, she hugs me and just cries. Sometimes she won't even say anything. We can sit there for an hour in complete silence while shes crying in my arms. She barely eats. She's stopped going to university. The family business that she used to run with her mum has pretty much stopped as well. She still gets out of bed and showers, but that's about it. What scares me the most is that she's said things like, "My whole world is gone," and, "I don't think I have a reason to live anymore."

I honestly can't remember her exact words, but it was smth along those lines.

I love this girl more than anything but I feel completely helpless. I keep wondering if I'm doing enough or if I'm somehow making things worse. One of my cousins even told me to break up with her and give her space, but I honestly can't imagine leaving her when she's already lost so much.

She has relatives staying with her right now, but I'm terrified they'll eventually go back to their own lives and she'll be left alone. She depended on her mum for so many everyday things. She doesn't even really know how to cook because her mum always took care of stuff like that. Now she's expected to figure out life on her own overnight.

Another thing thats been bothering me is my own family. My girlfriend's mum knew me well and genuinely wanted me to be her son-in-law one day. She even spoke to my parents about us once. My mum rejected the idea because she judged my girlfriend's mum for being a single parent and assumed things about her that weren't true.

When I told my mum and grandma that my girlfriend's mum had passed away, they barely reacted. They didn't seem to care at all, I hate em so much their ego is too high and hearing that while watching my gf suffer honestly hurt me.

I felt like I was dealing with this alone

I've never dealt with grief like this before, so I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I keep visiting her? Do I just sit with her even if she doesn't talk? Should I encourage therapy now, or is it too soon? Has anyone here been through something similar?

I know I can't fix what happened, and I'm not trying to. I just don't want to fail her when she needs someone the most.

It's been exactly 2 months since my mom passed. The grief is unbearable. Sometimes, whenever I think that I am happy, it fades away in a millisecond. It's exhausting, it's tiring, and it's painful.

Probably because I still blame myself for everything. I should have researched more prior to the operation. I should have known that there's really a small chance that she can survive the surgery. I should have asked the doctors multiple times if they're really sure on my Mom's survival rate.

I feel responsible because I am the only one in-charge of everything. My sibling is useless, my father's mind is out of whack. I should have been the smarter one and acted like it. If I was able to pull her out of surgery, she would have been with us still.

I don't know why I still have to carry all the burden while I already took care of my parents for years. Provided for them, took them to nice places, and even gave them cute grandkids. Why do I feel that I fail as a child this time? I should have opted for other options. I've been always the wiser one. I should have decided more thoroughly.

Now every time I remember, it's not sadness anymore, it's guilt, it's the agonizing feeling that I could have done something. I should have.

I miss my mom so much and it always hurts. I want the pain to stop. How? :(