r/ForeverAlone

And whenever they share stories about meeting new women and dating them, when they talk about their body count just makes me feel very unwanted, inadequate and unattractive. Hearing them how they pull and bed with women, and when they ask me about it feels like they're about to rub raw salt to an deep open wound that never heals and keeps gushing blood.

I got complimented by a guy today. I know it might sound silly but this has made my entire month and I will be thinking about it for awhile after. Does anyone else feel like this? Im not ugly or anything but VERY socially awkward so I dont talk to guys at all. I feel like im on cloud nine fr. I know it probably won't ever lead to anything and ill still probably be forever alone but its the little successes that matter

That is all.

Tonight I keep remembering my grandmother. ( she passed away few months ago )

She is gone. Just gone. And the regret sits heavy on my chest. I can’t meet her anymore. That simple fact keeps repeating in my head.

She was the only one who ever believed in me. Really believed. In my decisions. In the messy choices I made. She always defended me when nobody else did. My parents never truly believed in me. Not the way she did.

Now look at the person I became. Some nights I think even she would regret it. Regret that she got a grandson like me. That thought cuts deeper than anything else.

I miss her so much tonight. And I hate that I can’t even say sorry to her for turning out this way.

Tbh i've only been rejected one time and after that I have barely tried approaching anyone, well mostly because I've been depressed for years and I just never really had many people around me.

Although throughout my life I have always felt like an outcast and never really fit in that well with normies I probably only had like 2 friends that I was close with but we aren't really in contact anymore.

Any older people here want to share any tips ?

Im 28M now and unfortunately the path for a relationship has too many barriers for me, realistically its almost impossible and i have mostly accepted that

However i would like to know what to be aware of as i get older, if anyone here has some advice on how to prepare for a FA life on the long run

im a 3rd culture kid and don’t really have a place to call home, recently moved to the US and have my own business but i dont have any friends here and while my parents and siblings are around me now all of them are planning on moving to different states/countries soon, i also don’t really know where i will end up in the future but if anyone has any advice or experiences to share please do

I don't think things will ever change, I'll probably stay like this forever. I haven't gone on dates or anything like that.

how do i stop watching porn when my mind is always on sex. this is completely normal it's like being hungry for food and not being able to stop thinking about food

I'll probably never know what it feels like to have sex.

I truly believe this will be the reason I’m unable to ever find a girlfriend. I’m not super attractive, I’m not super ugly. I’d describe myself as a little below average, but nothing that personality can’t make up for.

I haven’t pursued that many women, about 7 (I’m 23). One of them ended up being a pretty terrible person, the other didn’t work out due to differing views. The others were just flat out rejections. Most of the women who have liked me in my life (2/3) have done so for extremely gross and superficial reasons (fetishization) and it has left me incredibly demoralized.

Some of these rejections were said in a pretty hurtful manner, and while I understand I shouldn’t be affected by this, it’s easier said than done. I didn’t do anything to deserve it, they just felt the need to let me know that I wasn’t good enough for them.

I think I’m done. If an amazing opportunity comes up naturally, of course I’ll take it, but I doubt it will. No one ever seems to have romantic interest in me, they just want to be my friend. Worst part is they wonder why I’ve never been in a relationship, isn’t the reason obvious? It’s the same reason that they wanted to be friends and nothing more.

I guess I’d like to hear some of your stories, and hear what others have to think. I hope you’re all having or have had a good day.

I know 20 is still very young, bear with me.

The advice elders often give you is that “you have time”. You don’t need to bloom in your 20s, 30s, or ever, and you don’t need to experience teen and college love. 

Shit, it’s good advice and all but I feel like I am just completely lost when it comes to even setting up a date. Actually, it kind of infuriates me because I KNOWW I have time, but I don’t know what to do with it. Like, of course a pirate adventure takes a long journey before they reach treasure, but how are they supposed to do it without a fucking map??
 
Legitimately, people are an enigma to me, especially girls. I came without a map that others naturally have. I need guidance. What do girls like? How do I meet girls? What if I’m very shy and autistic? I’m literally on a campus, chock-full of attractive women. Why the fuck am I failing in ideal conditions? Also, how the fuck are there so many couples walking around on campus when school just started?

And since I'm failing in the literal EASIEST time to form a relationship, I already know that I am doomed once I leave college. Less girls will be around me and people will marry each other, so I think I will be left in the dust. GGs!

I’m Heather, 31, trans (she/her), and I’ve never been on a date, never felt interested in, still a virgin, and no one has ever seemed interested in me in any relationship way.

I’m literally losing my mind under the weight of crushing loneliness, becoming a more bitter person, rude, mean…I can’t take this anymore, I really really can’t. Seeing people in happy relationships and also seeing other trans women successfully transitioning and thriving absolutely is destroying me.

I need help. Somehow.

I've been on dating apps for 11 years and a half and I haven't gotten even one single date. I was never under the impression that I was ugly, I thought I was average looking, but I see other men claiming to have installed a dating app and gone on multiple dates in a year, to have found a girlfriend, or getting multiple hookups in a year. Those men usually claim to not even be anything out of the ordinary in terms of looks, which made me feel like I must be extremely hideous and don't realize how ugly I am in other people's eyes.

On top of that at 29 and a half I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed, never had sex. It's not like I'm doing any better in real life.

There have been a few instances through my life of women showing some degrees of interest towards me, but I feel like those don't amount to anything considering the results.

I’m a 30-year-old man from China. I’ve never been in a relationship, and I’m even still a virgin. I want to share my own story of emotional trauma, because in real life I don’t even have a single friend to talk to about this (lol 😄). At least here, I hope I can find a community where I can belong.
My being single may have its roots in the trauma I experienced during adolescence. It is honestly incredible how much the experiences you have during those years can affect the rest of your life.
I suffered from severe acne during my teenage years. Because of my parents’ neglect, it left me with severe permanent scarring. My skin looks almost like the surface of the moon. In high school, I was even mocked by some of my female classmates. At one point, I was so desperate that I actually thought about killing myself.
Ever since then, I’ve been afraid of women and deeply insecure around them. As the years went by, I was forced to become a nerd. I avoided social situations, focused on my studies, and kept throwing myself into exams, because studying was the only thing I felt I could actually do well. It was the only place where I could find some sense of confidence and self-worth.
And that’s how I lived until I got my master’s degree and started working.
During all those years, I turned down or avoided countless attempts at being set up on dates, because I simply couldn’t overcome my fear of women.
Then, last year, my sister basically dragged me out of my comfort zone and introduced me to a woman.
I know this may sound ridiculous, but as time went on, she actually started messaging me first on WeChat and talking to me. And she really was a very kind person.
So I gathered up all my courage and asked her out.
We went on three dates.
That might not sound like much, but for me, it was incredibly difficult. It took me three months just to get her to go out with me three times. And I know I probably didn’t make a very good impression.
Eventually, I confessed my feelings to her.
She told me:
**“You’re a good person, but I don’t have romantic feelings for you.”**
That almost drove me crazy.
I still had gifts I’d bought for her that I never got the chance to give her.
After a period of intense emotional suffering, I eventually decided to let her go. I have to respect her feelings. I can’t allow myself to become someone who keeps pursuing a woman after she’s made it clear she isn’t interested. I don’t want to look like a stalker.
And I guess that’s the whole story of a 30-year-old virgin.

I also want to clarify a few things.
Although attitudes toward dating, marriage, and relationships can differ greatly between China, Europe, and the Americas, there is a particular aspect of Chinese society that I find very difficult to accept.
After graduating from university, it can be extremely difficult for Chinese people to find what you might call purely romantic love. Dating and marriage can become heavily intertwined with money, sex, fertility, and economic exchange.
Many men who are, like me, considered unattractive or lacking in romantic appeal eventually end up using bride price, or caili, as part of a marriage arrangement with a woman who may not actually love them.
I’m not saying this is forced or that every Chinese woman expects it. That’s certainly not true. But it is common enough to be a major part of the marriage culture in some parts of China. In many cases, men are also expected to provide a house, a car, and other substantial financial resources.
This is probably the part of Chinese marriage culture that I hate the most.
I sometimes look at these unfortunate men and feel that they aren’t really so different from me. Even after getting married, they may still never experience being loved by their wives. They may have to spend every day living with someone who doesn’t truly love them.
And there is even the fear that they might someday discover that a child they believed was theirs isn’t biologically theirs.
Living in an environment where marriage can feel so heavily intertwined with money, social expectations, appearance, and reproduction makes me feel suffocated.
Although, maybe this is how the whole world works to some extent.
Perhaps genuine romantic love has always been rare.
Maybe “love for money” and “love based on appearance” are simply much more common.
So please forgive me for being a 30-year-old man with physical imperfections who is still foolish enough to dream about finding love.

Nowadays, on an average day, there is literally just one topic floating in my mind: The lack of a girlfriend. I'm so tired of the very word girlfriend. I can't normally function anymore, I'm a heavy drinker because my entire emotional world is formed by this one missing thing. I cannot enjoy anything about life anymore. I used to be so enthusiastic about pretty much everything. Sometimes I wake up motivated but as soon as I leave the house the first handsome guy comes strolling along with his gorgeous new girlfriend and my day is ruined already. I really don't want it to be like this but I'm just too easily triggered.

In other words we were invisible enough that no one noticed us but if you got a question right or did something right in shop class one or two normies would be like “good job” and fist bump

now some of you might be thinking “why the fuck does it matter atleast your existence was acknowledged”

yeah it doesn’t until you realize they only did it with the ones who were extroverted and maybe on the spectrum and the quiet kid that was treated 50/50

even now it feels weird, i dont even know the right word to describe it

I was raised by two parents who don’t maintain any friendships. When I was a kid, instead of having friends over I was always drawing or watching movies.

It feels like a lot of my attention was directed towards consuming media instead of interacting with other kids. And while I have a great relationship with the arts, to this day it feels impossible for me to connect with others in a meaningful way to the point where I don’t think I’ve ever had a fully unguarded and meaningful friendship.

Moreover, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to a person and felt understood in my 23 years of life. I’m often shy. But even when I’m not, when I can hold the conversation I can’t help but feel that I lied to that person by contorting who I am around what I think I’m supposed to be. Like I succeeded in prolonging the moment when I inevitably disappoint them.

It feels hard to not blame myself. I’m working on nurturing my friendships and reaching out more as well as the self criticism, and I’ve been in therapy for two years, but I wish the work could just be done already.

I'm FA because I've turned down every girl that has ever asked me out, never pursued anything with girls who would flirt, disregarded the few that confessed they liked me, and declined every time friends would try to set me up with someone.

The only reason I am technically not kissless is because a girl forced it on me in grade school.

I genuinely don't know why I do this and it happened again recently with a coworker who reached out to me after they quit.

Now another bday is coming up without a partner and I can't help but reflect on the potential of what could have been.