r/ForeverAlone

I’m a 30 year old guy living on the west coast in the PNW. I work in tech. Have a decently high net worth. East Asian American. Never been in a real long term relationship.

Been told by girls I’ve matched with on apps that I look good and take care of myself. I was on dating apps for half a year. I’ve gotten some first dates on Hinge, normally for coffee, but very rarely 2nd dates. Gotten the “you’re a great guy but I didn’t feel any romantic connection” text a lot. Which is strange to me since I barely know them! I'm not someone to try and “woo” someone on the first date since I'm pretty introverted.

Part of the issue is the demographics of the west coast. Competition is so fierce on the west coast since the number of single guys way outnumber the number of single girls. For every girl you match with, there are other 20 guys like you. So if there's something about you they don't like, they can just reject and move on. It’s just frustrating going through a constant stream of setting up dates and rejection. Here, it’s hard to meet women outside of work that isn’t on dating apps. And honestly, some Asian American girls prefer white guys over Asian guys, so you’re competing against them too.

The feeling is bad, when I watch everyone around me get engaged or married. I’m worried that if manage to get a relationship, I won’t know what to do. My parents also don't know anyone, so they won't help me find a gf. I feel like I will have to accept that I will be single forever. It’s frustrating, I have a job, look decent, make good money, and still struggle to find a gf because dating is so broken in US tech. I feel like I’m running out of time….

I'm 28 and I've never had a gf, well tbh my life is pretty shit so I always avoided that part.

I haven't landed a job anywhere, and decided to stay with my family for a while, sometimes wish my life circumstances were different but I tried my best and didn't succeed at anything.

I have 0 friends that I talk to, and stopped really looking for anything.

I've never done anything romantic before, haven't experienced any moment of intimacy, and spent most of my life completely alone.. and I don't feel like that will change even after 100 years.. I have a high sex drive, but it's happening exactly how someone told me, which is that I have no choice but to use my hand lol.

I don't know exactly how I ruined my life.. but it is pretty ruined.

Now why is this?

Well for one, I went alone, no friends. I tried rawdogging it but to no success. There was this big group in behind me who were having the time of their lives and laughing and screaming and shit and it just pissed me off.

I waited for like an hour in line. Thankfully the bouncers let me in (somehow). I wasted like eighty bucks on drinks and I couldn’t even get drunk. I ended up sitting at some table scrolling tiktok and twitter.

When I went to get my last drink, I tried talking to this one girl; we had a semi decent conversation then I offered to buy her a drink. She got some shit that was thirty bucks and once she got it she went away to go talk to her friends and I never saw her for the rest of the night.

TL;DR- Had no fun at the club, wasted my time, felt lonely, and got scammed out of a drink.

Well here I am again...and this time things have changed. About a month ago I received a message from social media from a woman I've been essentially admiring from afar on an alternative social networking app (no, not those red hat ones, scouts honor). Due to that app not having a direct messaging feature she found me on Instagram and what would end up happening would change my life forever.

She ended up "shooting her shot" as it were with me and asked to get to know me in a romantic sense. Cut to a few weeks later, she saw & heard enough as did I, and I asked her to be exclusive with me...to which she said yes. Full on long distance relationship & everything. Video-calls were more frequent. THOSE types of messages became common, especially at the most inopportune times... But that's not where this story ends.

As I'm writing this, she's en route back home. She came to my realm, and we had quite possibly the best holiday weekend of each other's lives. She told me herself she was really happy to finally unleash the soft side of her and I was more than happy to supply the princess treatment she had been looking for all this time. We had went out across my realm, visiting some of my local favorite spots, and even going to the local fireworks show for the 4th of July (though we were mainly there for the food and the fireworks, nothing else).

But throughout all of this...she did something I thought would NEVER happen on my 32 years on this earth. She took my virginity. My wizardry has been siphoned. My magic gone. Despite this, I feel the happiest I have ever been. So it is with a joyful heart that I announce my departure from /r/ForeverAlone effective immediately.

Thank you all for allowing me to vent here for the past few years. Y'all helped me through some dark times and for that I am forever grateful. I pray the same success I have now reaches to you all as well.

Good Night...and Good Luck,

gG

As I get older, people my age are getting engaged, married, and starting families. It's just widely accepted that once you have a partner, they become the most important person in your life, and then kids if you have them.

Once my parents pass, there will be nobody who will love me unconditionally or always be there for me. Because I'm not anyone's "number one".

No matter how much I love and care about someone (friends, family), they are likely to have a partner who will always come first, and that's just how it is. Romantic love relationships are always seen as more important than platonic love relationships. And if you lack a romantic relationship, you're doomed to watch as your closest people find their partners and your importance in their life naturally diminishes. It's sad, but that's just how life goes for most people. Most people accept it and are okay with it because they have their "number one" already. But what about the rest of us?

I was talking with my friends and I realized how truly “weird” its considered the what i do completely alone.

I go to the movies alone, try out restaurants for lunch or dinner, sightseeing, live shows, standup comedy or concerts (at a Joey & Valence concert they asked if anyone came alone and after seeing the raised hands they went “wait really? Um… good for you”😭).

Bro i cant always convince my friends to go with me or have a companion as I’d prefer.

Albeit, going to a candlelight string quartet concert by myself was admittedly a very dumb idea💀 (i really wanted to experience and i cant wait 50 years for the possibility i find someone).

I’d love to be that (insufferable) person in the group who is always out doing things with his girlfriend. Yeah i know thats toxic but whatever man i wish i could do everything i do with someone else.

Anyways what about you guys?

One thing that's always stuck with me about the pandemic was the way people reacted to lockdowns and social distancing. And before anyone misunderstands me, I'm not saying people didn't have a right to struggle. Of course they did. Human beings aren't meant to live in isolation.

But that's exactly my point.

When the pandemic hit, millions of people suddenly found themselves cut off from their normal lives. People talked constantly about how much they missed their partners, their friends, their families, going on dates, having sex, hugging people, going out and simply being around others. There were endless articles about loneliness, touch starvation, declining mental health, and the psychological effects of isolation.

And yet, for years, many of us who have experienced chronic loneliness or have been forever alone have often been told the exact opposite.

We've been told that relationships aren't that important. That sex isn't a big deal. That we should just focus on ourselves. That we need to stop complaining. That happiness comes from within. That we should learn to be alone.

But then the moment average people were forced to experience even a fraction of that isolation for a year or two, it became one of the biggest mental health discussions in modern history.

I remember seeing people talk about how they were having breakdowns because they couldn't see their boyfriend or girlfriend for a few months. People talked about how much they missed physical intimacy. They talked about how depressing it was not to be able to see their friends every weekend. They talked about feeling trapped, isolated, and disconnected from humanity itself.

And all I could think was: "I've been living like this for ALL MY LIFE."

Some people here have never had a relationship. Some have never experienced romantic love, intimacy, or even simple companionship. Some have never had someone to text at night, hold hands with, spend holidays with, or just exist alongside. For us, isolation wasn't a temporary public health measure. It became our entire adult lives.

That's why I've always found it difficult when people dismiss loneliness as some minor inconvenience that can be solved with hobbies or positive thinking. The pandemic itself proved that human connection matters. It proved that companionship matters. It proved that intimacy matters. Otherwise, why did so many people suffer so deeply when those things were taken away?

I think the pandemic accidentally validated something that many lonely people had been trying to explain for years: human beings genuinely need connection. We aren't weak for wanting it. We aren't shallow for desiring relationships or intimacy. We aren't broken for struggling without them.

And whenever lonely people try to express this, one of the most common responses is, "You're not entitled to a relationship." And that's true. Nobody is entitled to another person's love, affection, or body. But I don't think that's what most lonely people are actually saying. Wanting companionship isn't entitlement. Wanting to experience love, intimacy, and connection isn't entitlement. Mourning the absence of something that most human beings naturally desire isn't entitlement. If anything, the pandemic showed just how deeply people suffer when those connections are taken away. So when someone who has gone decades, or even an entire lifetime, without those experiences says that they're hurting, dismissing them with "you're not entitled" feels less like wisdom and more like a way of avoiding the conversation altogether.

The pandemic showed just how much emotional pain people experience when they're deprived of something that many of us never had to begin with.

While i do want to change, i genuinely do not know what to fix except losing weight. I wish i could get honest feedback, especially from the opposite sex, but i don't have anywhere to get it.

Because i don't have male acquiantances around my age(early twenties), i don't have anyone to ask. I do have a guy best friend who i've known since we were little kids, but his the type of person who'll just compliment you to not hurt your feelings.

Just approaching strangers for advice seems weird, and my poor social skills could never do it.

Posting online would be just subjecting myself to ridule and bullying from multiple strangers online, rather than constructive criticism. Plus i'm scared my face will be used as a meme. (This new fear was unlocked when i saw a pic that was posted on r/ugly a few years ago being used as a "girls that like me vs girls i like" meme)

I genuinely can hear the “where‘s your partner?” and see my friends share their lives with a SO when I stay alone.

the more I age the less it‘ll get better. I guess I should stick to the “independent, funny, ugly“ friend 💀

Another vent...

I dont know what to say. Just that Im so lonely. Im suffering so much that I have to say something but I already said everything many times. No girl would ever want me because Im weak and insecure and needy... I need so much attention and affection... But I would also give the same back, maybe even more... But of course, I cant give a life of social stuff, traveling, going out... And much less be a rock of feelings... So of course nobody would want me...

I search every day in the internet. Im so tired of searching, of sending messages that never get replied or, the very few times someone replies back, it always ends bad...

Of course in dating apps I dont ever get likes...

Im frustrated writing here because I cant be fully honest... Im banned from r/depression and the other one for something I didnt do... In fact, it was the same mod who saw me in the other reddit and immediately banned me for no reason too... Imagine banning someone who is suffering for some bs. reddit mods at its best...

Im so tired of everything, of survivng every day, of this loneliness...

I just need someone who wants to spend time with me and cuddle with me... But of course... That its just impossible... And it hurts so so much...

Just completed a workout with weights. Yesterday I did cardio. Friday was my cheat day, so I did eat junk food then, but I mostly make my own meals. All fresh vegetables and lean protein like chicken and turkey. I do snack more than I should, but I'm trying to cut down on that too.

I've been in better shape in my life, particularly when I was a teenager, but I'm trying to get back in very good shape and I'm in decent shape now.

Putting in all this effort to look as good as I can. And yet... I'm basically the only one who sees it.

Not gonna lie, I've actually thought about posting a picture or two on a sub where you post that kind of stuff. Not naked, but shirtless. Just because I want to feel like some girl appreciates what I look like after all that effort.

Like, I feel as if, if I at least had one woman ay something like "Oh, yeah, you look hot right now" that would make me feel so much better atm.

I'm not actually gonna do that. Because, well, first of all I'm not sure I feel comfortable showing that side of myself to strangers online. And secondly because the last thing I need is to be told that I don't look good, or just be downvoted wiht no one commenting. That would not improve how I feel at the moment...

So I know it's a bad idea. But, man, it is tempting at times like these. Having even one woman say she finds me attractive shirtless would make me feel like my effort was actually worth it.

And, yeah, I'm sure some people say "you should do it for yourself." And in part I do work out for myself. I do, ideally, want to stay healthy-ish. But, I'm not gonna lie, the majority is just because I want to feel attractive to women. And I don't feel bad about admitting that. I just wish I could actually, you know, feel that way somehow.

Its a weird feeling i get all the time and wanted to see if maybe others feel the same way, this feeling really depends on the day but alot of times ill think that i can probably find a partner if i really worked on it but there is something deep down also preventing me from doing so

It maybe be some things that are wrong with me that i subconsciously know would prevent me from finding someone, is it that i know deep down i wont be good enough or is it something else i really don’t know

But what I’ve noticed is that when i get this feeling i don’t feel as sad or depressed, i kind of just feel confused

now that I’m writing this it also feels like a mix of daydreaming and fake hope, is this just a way of the brain coping with being forever alone ? Idk consider this a vent or discussion I’m not really sure what to flair it as

I don’t want help. I don’t want any advice.

Like an idiot I spent $30 on HingeX as a last ditch effort and have nothing to show for it. Before then I spent another $30 on Boo to see who my one like was only to see it was a bot. “daTiNg aPpS doN’t wOrk” yeah they don’t work for mutants like me. And just to be clear it’s the straw that broke the camels back. I have no hope. All my efforts are meaningless & pointless. I don’t feel like brushing & flossing, showering, going to the gym, and eating food. I just want to keep drinking until I develop AFLD.

A relationship was never in the cards for me.

It’s all over the place, even in this subreddit. What do normies not understand about someone simply being born undesirable, and that there’s nothing we can do to change our circumstances, not even a little bit. Countless posts and comments here describing our everyday experiences as an FA, and people still have the gall to spout useless generic advice like “just hit the gym and self improve bro” as if the thousands of people in this sub who are 25+ and 30+ haven’t tried various forms of self improvement extensively already.

I’m so tired of the bullshit invalidation and the discounting of our entire lived experiences. Also, mental health care is one of the most blatant, unhelpful scams to ever exist, especially here in the states. I’m only pursuing it to get excused off work for an extended period of time. Other than that, the actual treatments and medications themselves are complete bullshit and just as invalidating as your typical normie visiting this sub and making a comment here for the first time, thinking their generic advice and bullshit anecdotes are even remotely helpful to us.

Rant over.

So today, I went a Fourth of July event in my city because it was a nice day and ‘Murica.

I went by myself because I hate making plans, and I don’t have anyone to make them with.

So I went, and let me tell you, pretty much everyone was with their friends and family. I felt like an outsider. People gave me looks as if I was lost. I tried to strike up a conversation with some dudes and I got one word, then dead silence.

Now I know what you’re saying: It’s the Fourth of July so it’s going to be group oriented. But it’s not just that. Everywhere I go, people are in groups, even the bar.

Like how am I supposed to make friends at events when people already show up with their posse? So I should steal the show? Or be another side character that people will tolerate, but won’t actually appreciate your presence?

Being a Lone Ranger just sucks sometimes.

As if everything would work out.

As if you were deserving of "love" and a normal life.

I don’t know how high school reunions work but I don’t plan on going to mines. I never made actual friends and was mostly an outcast who got picked on from time to time. It seems like high school reunions are only for people who peaked in high school. I only made like 3 friends in that school and all of them were the outcasts too who aren’t planning to go there either cuz they know it’s not for them.

I honestly would only go to take majority of the food away (if there is some free snack buffet) and then maybe troll people by pretending like I knew some of them then just leave after 10 minutes 😂. Anyways how was your guys experience like?

I'm probably gonna kill myself the moment I get the chance, which is hopefully soon.

For context, I'm 27 years old dude from the middle east, and my story is very unusual but I'll share it anyway.

The main reason I'm alone is that I'm living in a religious country, among religion society, in a religious family while being a closet atheist.

Of course, marrying a Muslim woman will always end up in misery for both of because of our different beliefs, which I can't hide forever from someone I'm living with, and I can't really leave my family behind and travel to another country just for a relationship.

I resent my family and society for my whole situation...I resent everyone...I've never done anything to deserve this...This was but among the many dreams that I've lost, and I know the universe won't ever make it up for me, because the universe isn't a thing or even an entity...It won't make it up for me because the "universe" I'm talking about is fucking lifeless and unfair.

I'm done with this world...I wasn't even given the chance to hope or think things would be different one day...This is the definition of a lost game that didn't even start.

I don't even know if I would be a good partner or not because I was never exposed to the dating world to begin with....I deeply resent this world...I have way too many things to actually complain about, but I've kept it limited to the sub I'm talking in.

I don't actually expect anyone to read this because none could relate to my unusual situation, but I had to vent it anyway.

Goodbye world...my standards were already low, but you found a way to go even lower.