u/OkSwimming517

I feel defeated. It's so complicated, I damage it further every day by washing it, and washing it badly at that, and brushing it. And on top of that it doesn't even look good at all anyway.

I feel like I sadly need to just embrace a more "masculine" look, even though I don't want to, and get a lower maintenance haircut that would be easier to manage, and wouldn't be harmed too much by being washed daily.

Because it just looks and feels so awful. It makes everything so complicated.

And I hate the way people communicate. Everyone is so gross and disgusting.

Wouldn't be surprised if this post either doesn't go through to begin with, or it gets removed for one reason or another. This website can be aggravating like that.

Not trying to complain about it I guess, but I kind of am. I mean, I'm not trying to imply I deserve people to care. But everything is horrible, everyone is horrible. Everything is miserable, uncomfortable, and lonely, and it's never going to get better.

I'm sorry, I'm not hesitant to admit that I guess everyone else won, you made me want to die. Congratulations.

Why do people procreate. What was the point of any of this.

This isn't mean to be a "h*rny" post.

I mean more from a place of yearning for deep affection.

Maybe it's just me noticing more, maybe I'm just "masking" less, unintentionally or not. Maybe I was masking when I was younger and didn't even know because I didn't know what masking was.

In recent times, I have actually started just "being myself" more in public. At least for the most part.

Maybe I was always noticeably "off" though, and just didn't realize it. Maybe it's a mixture of all of these things.

I think I've gotten better both at socializing for the most part, and presenting myself as more "normal" (I feel silly saying that because I kind of feel like maybe I'm trying too hard to paint myself as this super unique and zany person), and it depends on my mood, but nowadays, I think more often I just don't try as hard. I feel tired in a way and just don't feel like putting in the energy. It just depends on the day though.

I know I'm disgusting, but yeah.

I hate when this happens. I just think about all of the other stuff I could've and should've spent that money on.

It's so dumb but the only reason I bought something unusual was because they didn't have the *specific size* of what I usually get. So I bought something completely different, rather than just buying a smaller quantity.

Ugh.

I felt so out of place physically and just as a person. I went to a baseball game with some family members because it would've been "making a scene" if I didn't tag along.

Just seeing a bunch of very normal people around me, hearing them talk about "Love Island", making fun of someone for using wired earphones (?), etc, I still feel like I "came out of the oven" too early, if that makes sense. I feel very underdeveloped and "off". It made me feel extra hopeless.

I was infinitely more sad feeling about all of this after I got home last night, but I didn't have the energy to brood, I just had to get in bed and go to sleep immediately. I don't know if I feel like thinking about all of that stuff now though.

At least going to that event fixed me sleeping schedule for now, which makes things easier for me even if I prefer being up at night.

All I want to do is stay home and sleep.

Ugh.

They're stupid too.

But I guess my mind works in extremely specific and indescribable ways that I don't even really understand. I guess it wasn't obvious enough that I needed a lot more guidance and instruction.

I know, I know. It's terrible and selfish to say, and probably makes one think "wow, you didn't deserve them, no wonder they left you, etc".

Should I be happy for them? Yes. Does it make me sad instead? Yes.

I don't resent them, or feel *unhappy* for their apparent happiness.

It's just that, honestly, my reaction isn't "Aww good for them :)", even though that's what it should be.

It just makes me feel so much more alone and by myself. I wasn't good enough for them, I didn't deserve them and I was cut off as a consequence. I feel abandoned. And they definitely don't think about me anymore, but they were one of the only friends I've ever had.

I felt like such a bad person when it ended, because I was a bad person. I cried and I almost miss feeling that kind of active emotion. I just feel mostly empty now. I could kill myself tomorrow and they would never even know the difference.

It can still be a very imaginative and interesting experience outside of just the physical pleasure, but I never really feel happy after or anything. It's just the complete lack of any kind of emotional, human connection to go along with it.

I usually just feel empty, if not actively sad afterwards. Sometimes even before/during it, because I'll get reminded of something, or get some thoughts in my head that make me feel totally worthless as a hypothetical sex partner, and extremely insecure. But I still just do it either because it's just a thing that I need to get out of my system, or because it still at least feels kind of good, or both.

It's not always a horrible experience really, but it would just be a whole lot better if it was an actual special experience I was having with someone, but that's kind of unimaginable. It can be great if I get really immersed in my imagination, but even if it feels good physically, or even if it feels almost emotional, at least in the moment, it still doesn't make me happy or feel special.

I just feel extremely alone afterwards and more unattractive.

It's hard to explain but I keep putting off going to bed because I'm lonely, I don't know why. Like I'm just desperately keeping myself up delusionally hoping for someone to reach out, but I know it's not gonna happen. Time to finally try to go to sleep, I guess. I feel like I want to hug & and say goodnight to someone but there is no one to do that to.

I wasn't really in touch with comics when Ultimate Invasion happened, or when the Ultimate line of books was announced. Were those expected in any way or did they just get announced pretty much out of the blue?

Also, if an announcement for a relaunch happens in the solicits for example, does something like that tend to be reveled within a specific time frame in between the announcement and the release?

For example, with the Zdarsky Avengers run being announced roughly six months before it's release, would a relaunch be announced around that far in advance? Or could it be announced, with only a gap of a couple of months or so in between the announcement and the release?

I've already left a couple of comments here about whether or not the line will relaunch sometime relatively soon, or the Ultimate Universe returning is referring to it's inclusion in an event in the future, like a "Secret Wars 2" in 2027.

The vagueness of the promise of it's return makes me get the feeling that they don't really want us to expect anything too crazy like a full on relaunch, but at the same time, the setup for future storytelling in the Finale issue does make me feel like a proper relaunch is coming.

I always assumed that after the Maker storyline was resolved, there would be some kind of restructuring or relaunch, with new writers taking over at least some of the books, like USM. I think that was always the plan. ]

But maybe the "cancellation fake out" truly was a sort of last minute marketing gimmick decision?

Because I recall that in the description for the fourth trade, or maybe it was the last issue of Ultimate Spider-Man, it literally said that it would leave set up for future storytelling, but they removed that portion at some point. Maybe around the same time they potentially decided to pretend it's ending?

Maybe they decided to do a cancellation fake out, to sort of act as a metaphorical, real-world reference to the in-universe premise of changing a seemingly un-changeable future? If that makes any sense?

How do you think they're going to go about bringing this universe back?

>A person who I talked to on and off for four years, ended our online friendship thing because talking to me was a chore and mentally taxing.

>It's definitely completely my fault, but it just sucks. I'm not entirely sure if any of it was ever real. They kept distancing themselves and ghosting me, and finally talked to me about officially ending it once I directly asked what was going on. I just wish it happened sooner.

>Like I said, it's not their fault, but it still hurts. It sucks that I was a bad friend.

>It makes me sad knowing that while she was one of my only friends ever, to her, I was just a creepy, annoying, mentally exhausting weirdo who bothered her for four years, who she doesn't ever think about anymore.

>When she thinks about "friends", she thinks positive thoughts about all of her real life people.

>When I think about friends, I think about how one of my only ones didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

>All of the greatest insecurities I have when talking to someone ended up being true, I really was just an annoying, selfish, awkward, socially inept person. All of the talks we had and what I thought was bonding ended up being all for nothing. My existence is so pointless.

That was the first post I made on this website about this situation.

I also made this one later:

>I don't feel like explaining all of it, it's all kind of fuzzy anyway, but awhile ago this friend that I liked, who I talked to on and off for four years, decided to end our friendship thing (we were just online pen pals) and around the time I could tell things were getting worse between us, and before things ended officially, she was becoming more and more distant and cold, things just felt off, she insisted she wasn't really talking to anyone, and that it wasn't just me she was being distant with, but she kept interacting with this person in the comments sections of her posts, who was much more feminine than me, and then and now I couldn't/cant help but think if only I was more feminine and pretty, she would've liked me more and we would still be friends.

>I felt so much resentment towards that person, it felt so unfair and made me feel so upset, jealous, and angry. Not necessarily angry at them, just in general.

>I wish I had time to explain it to her but more "emotional dumping" would've been very selfish of me, but it's not like it mattered by the end anyway.

>It's possible that I was overthinking and it was just low-effort comment section interactions, but it still felt horrible. Regardless of that distinction though, and regardless of everything, I think I was just annoying and they simply didn't like me anymore.

I don't blame them at all, and there's extra context and nuance I'm leaving out, but yeah, it sucks.

Dealing with me must've been a chore and was definitely mentally taxing to her. I was a bad friend and I felt/feel awful about all of it. It's just a big mixture of knowing that on top of it being literally mentally taxing to keep in contact with me, I was being selfish and venting to her too much, did something that made her feel as if I was embarrassed of her, she must have simply not liked me all that much.

It's hard to even explain how I feel about it. I still stalk her social media once in awhile because I care to know about how she is, and I'm so creepy for doing that when she doesn't even want to be friends.

It wasn't just a crush thing or a romantic thing, I genuinely cared about just being friends most of all, but the other day I saw that she does have a boyfriend now and that did make me feel bad honestly. I would've been too insecure to be in a relationship with her anyway.

Just so many things went wrong and are wrong with me, if I was just better in several different ways, maybe things could've gone differently. If I wasn't such an ugly sheltered incompetent unpretty loser, maybe we would still be friends.

I often felt so sick and insecure when trying to be confident in her liking of me, but it turned out all of my worst fears and insecurities were true. It felt like things were going so well so shortly before it all ended, but it just ended up fizzling out again, but for good this time.

Maybe everyone feels this way about these cat things and it's irrelevant to autism but yeah.