r/aspergers

Are there any members of r/aspergers here - specifically those with an autism spectrum disorder of the Asperger type - who engage with religion? I would like to ask these members which form of religious activity they prefer: doing breathing exercises while sitting cross-legged, or seeking peace and relaxation through prayer - perhaps incorporating some breathing exercises while praying? I personally lean towards the practice of prayer.

So first backstory:
I struggled a lot in high school. I went on to community college, where I continued to struggle and barely graduated. After I moved out of my childhood home and tried to join the workforce like a functioning adult, but the complete lack of any sort of response from 99% of employers (and rejections from the remaining 1%) would send me into depression spirals and I'd just shut down. After a few years of this and some physical health problems, I ended up moving back home. I've been there ever since (15 years+).

I got medicated for my depression and anxiety. I help take care of my aging parents (they're in their late 70s now) and they help take care of me. I found a partner who understands me and loves me even with all my issues (we live apart so I only see them in person on weekends). Sure, I wasn't a "productive" member of society, but I was more or less happy.

And now the US government is pushing an 80 hour work requirement on anyone with Medicaid. I don't know what to do.

I'm not physically disabled and, so I feel like a disability exemption is completely out. Mentally, the thought of going back into the job search market feels overwhelming, much less the thought of trying to maintain a 3-4 hour work day every day for...forever (or at least until there's someone who isnt terrible in power). The knowledge that I have to maintain a requied number of hours or lose the ability to see a doctor or get my multiple medications without paying a small fortune makes me want to curl into a ball and cry. I'd completely lose my ability to have a longer weekend with my parrner or have a few days to just shut down if I need it.

Help.

I genuinely don’t understand 🤣

I've heard many discussing autism in women (or girls),
and how they are "masking". My question is, are women really masking,
or are they, generally, better at discussing emotions and personal stuff
than autistic men? In my experience, it's been the latter

I also use the term "mothering."

It's where I get these little lectures from people who are allegedly friends or acquaintances, and they speak to me like I'm a child who broke a rule at recess (I'm 53 years old). To quote an autistic comedian, "It's not that I don't understand the rule. It's that I think your rule is Bull S---."
Also, in most cases, the rule only applies to me. Like, if I use the F word, I get told, "Hey, there's children around here," but then notice the same exact phrase being spoken multiple times by a variety of other people in the same context, sometimes within a minute after getting lectured.

I should add here that my special brand of autism is similar to a lot of educational creators on youtube. I work in communications for an engineering company, so I am actually extremely good at understanding how people communicate, different perspectives, racism, sexism, professionalism, etc, etc. Like I'm literally the guy who sees and understands conflict between people on a social level better than most.

But there is something about the way I present myself to people that makes maybe 5% of them think, "This person doesn't get it and it's my job to treat him like a child in front of everyone."

The only solutions I can think of are to either identify these people and either be very careful about what I say in front of them, or avoid them altogether. Or, mask really hard around them so I give off the, "It's not cool to treat me like a child in front of everyone" vibe.

Anyway, it is frustrating and annoying.

Edit to add: I use a phrase "The Group Gilligan." Gilligan was the lovable childlike idiot on the show Gilligan's Island. One of the running gags was that when he'd say something stupid, the skipper would hit him with his hat.

The message here is that when you give off a "Gilligan Vibe," certain people in the social group believe, "It is appropriate to treat you without respect, because that is your role in the group."

Hi. I'm (m57) diagnosed earlier this year. I have a good job ( qualified accountant ) and, in fact have never been unemployed. I own my own house, have a family, two cars, foreign holidays a few times a year. Outwardly no one,even me, suspected I was on the spectrum.

Except my wife. We've had issues, literally for decades. To be brief,she says I have never been a husband. Yes, materially I have always provided. On a practical level,I do anything and everything. But,on an emotional level I have never provided. I believe and accept her experience.

I'm not a bad person. I listened to her and every time was determined to change. But I never actually did. Eventually it left time doing as she'd asked for years and going to a professional who had no trouble diagnosing me as ASD 1, high functioning autism, Asperger's - whichever you choose.

I do still sort of question the diagnosis. There are other traits, obviously there have to be for a positive diagnosis, but none have impacted me, or anyone else, like my inability to connect at an emotional level. Even when trying to talk to my wife it is evident I just don't get or understand how to have that spark of connection.

I'd be interested to see if anyone relates or, do you have a particular area that has impacted you ? I know many Aspie's now, online. All are men. All are normal and many are professionals.

I'd also be interested in the views and experiences of women although there seems to be relatively few Aspie women - maybe they are active in other subs or sites.

Thanks in advance.

I absolutely love my friends, im so glad that they are willing to hang out with me and actually enjoy being around me, but i often find that my friends tend to treat me as incompetent in some aspects of life (mainly social stuff, as an example, when going out they say "someone should stick with me because they are going to get lost" which is probably a joke but does kind of hurt and countless other examples)

I don't know what to say to that in the moment of it happening, I'll usually brush it off or stay silent, which is not the best alternative to it, i have tried to voice my opinion to some of them but it still hasn't changed much.

It's just a gripe i have, because i know I'm competent, and while yes i do struggle socially, i am able to take care of myself, and the contrast between how they say I'm smart, but then treating me as incompetent confuses me a lot.

Anyone else tired of seeing the above line in EVERY SINGLE thread?

I have had comments removed multiple times and was even BANNED once for “dogpiling” simply for mentioning this behavior and how unpopular it was , never once even linked to the profile. When I was banned I simply asked for an explanation as to how what I posted constituted dog piling and I never got a response. I received snarky deflections instead of an explanation every time I comment was removed.

I think that it’s one rogue mod who is doing this, as an every case I was banned/comment removed at least 24 to 48 hours after the fact. moderation on the sub is generally good, it feels like this is the work of one bad actor not something organized or planned.

This is absolutely embarrassing behavior for someone who is supposed to represent our community especially since we are a people who are disproportionally affected by bullies and idiots in power abusing their responsibilities and shirking any duty towards accountability.

In the past few weeks, in addition to this users’s comments, I’ll also see just about as frequently people talking about this user and lambasting their approach. They are not wanted here , not because of their autistic traits, but because of their refusal to engage in any sort of productive conversation. Copy pasting the same shit we’ve read 1 billion times ad nauseum that never changes no matter what the context is not helpful to anyone. What he does is indistinguishable from an actual bot and I can’t remember the last time I saw a comment of his with positive karma.

If this post is removed or I am banned without at least some cursory explanation, I’m going to start posting the same thing in every thread and let’s see how long the mods let that happen.

What if everyone was like this person, and we all had our pet little phrases that we pasted in every thread?

What if we made this mod actually stand by their decision and see how antisocial and harmful to the social contract it is if we let everyone behave this childishly?

What other options do we have if this mod is literally using fascist tactics to silence people who are expressing a very popular opinion, accusing us of things that are wildly inaccurate, and refusing to even put up even a cursory explanation to their actions?

Youre walking outside and you feel it, the gaze on you, your body freezes.
Suddenly you start walking weird and it gets worse and worse, like a robot who forgot their script.

But it got me thinking, do you freeze and fear being perceived by everyone?
Or is it just those that are likely to judge you.

Imagine an old lady sees you, do you freeze?
I want to say likely not, which means ultimately it really is social anxiety, and I personally am a lot more likely to freeze when i see peers or for example women/girls of my age.

Strange question, I guess, but I’m curious how many people are completely indifferent to what cutlery they use vs how many people are really particular about it.

Like, does the shape, weight, length or feel of a fork/spoon/knife matter to you? Do you have a certain type that you prefer and get annoyed when it’s “the wrong one”?

Or do you genuinely just grab whatever is there and not think twice about it?

I’m curious if this is an autism thing, because I’m definitely in the *“there is absolutely a correct fork for this situation”*camp 😂

i only did back in high school never tried to fit in after that and stopped masking also. now am totally outcast to the greatest extent and life is a struggle esp in a third world country . they think autism means kid with special needs and intellectual disability.

I've had my diagnosis for 17 years (31 y.o.) and was really looking forward to connecting to people that might face the same pitfalls in daily life. But jfc all I read is just so incredibly negative? It's scaring me away lol. Is this a me problem?

https://www.reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/pdL4w4i52V
don’t know if that’s allowed, but I saw it in another sub, and it enraged me. NO, shoplifting isn’t a “special interest“, and if you believe it is, you’re probably a kleptomaniac or something. Also people who “shoplift for the greater good” or whatever are idiots, do they actually think the corporations are the ones paying the price for their shoplifting?! NO, it’s the low salary employee!

For me, I use Ai to just organize some stuff in my email, and also I vibe code just for the thrill of it, maybe I’ll make a serious thing soon idk.

What are your thoughts/uses for Ai could be anything ranging to, vibe coding, if you have ai as personal planner, or anything I’m interested in your takes.

When an autistic person is isolated and discriminated against by society, the common answer is: "oh well I mean they have a social disability of course that they will struggle socially".

And even if this is partly true, there is just something that doesn't fit in, a piece of the puzzle that we're missing.

Because... yeah, obviously autism comes with social struggles and those struggles will cause bad social outcomes, but it's me or those outcomes are a little bit... Disproportionate?

The social deficits of an autistic person (usually level 1) can be a weird voice tone, abnormal eye contact, weird body language, trouble understanding things like sarcasm, etc.

And even if those symptoms can impact us socially, the social ostracize that autistic people face for it is absurd.

When you ask an autistic individual their social problems, most of the time they won't say "oh sometimes I don't understand sarcasm jokes hahaha" or "oh my friends think that I'm angry when I'm not", their description of social issues would be: "people literally hate me for no reason by just seeing me, I get constantly bullied and rejected by strangers or even friends and family, people who are supposed to be my support group ghost me, etc".

This is weird considering that even in the mildest cases where the social deficits can be easily accommodated, autists still heavily struggle with random acts of bullying or discrimination.

Something even more weird, is how NT individuals who break important social boundaries at a higher level than most autists don't struggle with this, for example individuals with ASPD are way more prone to commit crimes statistically but they don't suffer from the same social rejection as autistic individuals, how is literally being a criminal way less socially punishing than having abnormal eye contact?

Hell, let's use some statistics: autists are almost 10× likelier to suffer SA than an average NT, at any point of their life time, how does this happen and how can this be explained by something like not understanding sarcasm? It makes zero sense.

So, the question is: what is exactly a "social issue" and how can we point out difference between a normal social inconvenience and straight up discrimination over mild social clumsiness, is the constant rejection against autistic people proportionate with their social deficits or society has a bias against them similar to racism or homophobia?

Idk, but I feel like there's something more to the reasons behind the social exclusion against autistic folks from NT's.

My son is 9 years old but struggles to know when he needs to go to the bathroom. I have to enforce bathroom time after each meal but there are times when he has accidents in school, or when around other children. I'm really terrified about how he will be treated as he gets older in school. He is in mainstream , he is a bright articulate boy with ASD 1 and ADHD. He has been tested for irritable bowel but it's not that. It's like he can't sense it coming.

Has anyone been through this , or have any tips about how to educate him about it. He is very resistant to me helping him and although he feels bad when accidents happen, he doesn't have the focus or interest to try to learn how to prevent it.

I seem to cry over everything. Movies, a beautiful painting or tune, a sunset, a little critter getting hurt, just a thought in my head. Anything beautiful, sad or otherwise moving to me really. Yesterday I took my nephew to a dinosaur show, and I started crying when the dinosaurs came up with this epic music. Just sobbing. I used to get people come up to me and ask me if I am ok, and my friends telling me to get it together. I’m a grown guy, and I get embaressed (even though I know crying and being sensitive isn’t wrong, it’s just so excessive with me). I am somewhat better at controlling it now, than some years ago, but I still feel it coming all the time, as a knot in my throat or teary eyes. Makes me shy around any stimulating activies. Not sure how to deal with this.

As an autistic person, Is It better to be self-employed? I've been looking for a job for months, hoping to not have to go back to some toxic factory job, but It's really difficult.

I'm 25, I have some experience, but Its all unskilled jobs where they hired people in batch. Before that I did lots of failed interviews, but I hoped that now having some experience would make it easier. Now I had interviews for maintenance, warehouse, gardener, garbage collector, plant nursery, but I didn't received any offers, despite doing all the rehearsal, smiling, asking questions and so on. To me It's really depressing because I know that even after getting the job, there would probably be lots of other issues, like bullying, isolation and so on.

I still remember how in my home country, I was horribly abused by students and teachers for being different. I got physically assaulted, followed home, harassed in the toilets, and the teachers did nothing... Often worse than nothing, they actually joined in on the bullying.

I am now in the UK, doing a PhD in Liverpool while being a lead programmer and I am treated better by the Scousers than my own countrymen. They accept you for who you are while Bulgarians act like NPCs and if you don't fit in the roles they force you in, you are ostracized. You must be a macho with a tracksuit who spends all day in the gym, drives a BMW and has 0 empathy towards others, THIS is normal in Bulgaria! But caring about knowledge, empathy, community and acceptance makes you "weird" and "in need of psychiatric help", while the "normal" Bulgarians break the law and abuse others just to be "manly".

Having autistic with a high IQ makes it incredibly difficult to relate to such a society.