r/aspergers

I know I shouldn’t have argued with her, being logical and honest, but she literally accused me of being weird and of being like my mom without any evidence. At one point I told her that she’s complained about having been bullied at home, yet she basically does the same thing and just keeps repeating it. No matter what justification people give, it’s essentially the same behavior. In the end, it all came down to her basically telling me to stay in my room all day; she didn’t want to see me anymore, and at one point she also said she didn’t even want to see me having my snack. It’s kind of ironic because I didn’t eat either, and obviously I’m not going to be pushy or insist if she doesn’t want to see me.

Im tired of going through the difficulties this shit has, but people act like im good because 'oh but you look normal', 'oh but arent asperger like high functioning? ', what does that even mean, im not neurotipical i have my struggles but people think i have it as easy as them just because im not second grade or third on an arbitrary basis,autistic enough to feel like an Outcast but normal enough to not be recognized and seek the aid i probably need

After a bunch of traumatizing events and years of isolation because of said trauma I'm finally getting my life back on track by I'm finishing high school but I have to do it from home, trying to find a job but the job market is awful right now and also trying to socialize and meet people again. So I was wondering how do people meet each other outside of work and school?

I've tried church but its mostly old people, i guess i could try the evening mass on saturday it seems more likely there would be young people at that one or some other church but people arent very practicing where I live. When I go to libraries they are usually entirely empty apart from the people that work there and i guess there's bars but i'de be scared to go alone because my town is not very safe. I've tried the gym but people don't even do small talk so it's impossible to meet and I've tried a pilates class but people didnt seem to talk either.

The only places where i've seen a bunch of young people are at stores but this doesnt seem like a place where you can really meet people for long term friendships or relationships.

I read it pretty recently, and I am absolutely certain that Meursault is written to have Aspergers, and a very good depiction of it at that, which is impressive given that it was written in 1940.

The way that Meursault thinks and expresses himself feels similar to how I do. He thinks a lot and picks up on things, but doesn't speak unless he sees a reason to. He doesn't do much unless asked or instructed to. When asked or instructed to do something he just goes along with it unless he sees a strong reason he shouldn't. He has little things that overstimulate him easily. He doesn't form connections and experience emotions like grief or love in the ways that most people do. He struggles to believe in things like religion that lack firm proof.

Of course there are a few things in the book that are very much a product of it's time, being 1930s France, that I disagree with Meursault for doing, but my main point and relation to him comes from his mannerisms like I described above.

I won't go into any spoilers for the book here, but it's one of the best books I've ever read and I highly recommend it. If you've read it, what are your thoughts?

The main thing that comes to mind: your worth is inherent regardless of what you bring to the table.

This is the best example of NT therapy.
This is geared for people who have brains that by default bring: developed sense of self or developmental stages, healthy levels of being an animal - taking care of self, having sexual value, having a self that offers enough in friendship because of shared life experience, having ability to offer back forth in communication.

Basically a NT brain offers something to the tribe by default.
Its enough to not anger the tribe by default.
Hence this therapeutic advice.

NDs suck in most areas, at least in majority of cases.
And when i think about it, the saving grace IS excelling at something that gives you utility.
This is the ONLY thing that will make the tribe not bully you, but respect you.
You cant respect something that isnt there.

Think Lionel Messi.
Dude is a space cadet.
If he didnt hyperfocus in football, dude would be a random nobody, a ghost.
But people sense his *achievement* and it evokes respect, even when on a personal note people deep down want to disrespect him for not fitting in.

A niche that gives us value is the saving grace.
I think we need therapy akin to coaching completely separate from NT stuff

Before I start, I would like whoever responds the first validate what I’m feeling you know share what you think and then if you had advice to give then you can give it, but I am just so frustrated

I found out I had autism (Asperger’s) February 18 this year ( had adhd diagnosis since 2025) also in the beginning of year I was on guanfacine XR which took me into hypoarousal and then from there to be honest I was hopping around to different psychiatric and peas or doctors because I just felt like no one really knew how to help me and even now I’m with a psychiatric MP and she has dealt with a lot of emotional dysregulation and children and so I hope that she can help me and guide me but it’s just been such a frustrating process because now it’s been all up to me really and just researching

I’m in graduate school now. I have been since May. I only work two days a week as a clerk and a labor and delivery department, but it’s so loud and noisy and my nervous system has just been out of whack. I think I’m definitely burnt out. I am now on the guanfacine only in the evenings I take .5 2 times once early evening second late evening we are going to add in the stimulant but right now my nervous system is kind of volatile so we’re waiting, but I’m just so frustrated because now I’m burnt out

I’m also frustrated because I have no one to talk to about this. My family doesn’t understand completely. My friends don’t understand my community and church. Don’t really understand it. Very few people that do understand and they themselves are going through a lot and I also just feel like a burden when I’m talking to them and there’s very a few people that just understand experience of having autism and ADHD in my life and it’s been such a isolating experience feeling burnt out and no one to talk to you about it with really

I’m just so incredibly frustrated and exhausted and just want it all to stop. I don’t wanna have any of these conditions no more. It’s really put me in this corner where not only am I still juggling all the different demands of life but also emotionally struggling to process it cause I don’t have people where to talk to really I did find a recent AUDHD therapist. And I hope to start with her soon, but I don’t make enough money. My mental health has a bit strong enough for me to be able to work a lot especially with school too. The first fee I’ll have to pay is $130 which I plan to try my best to pay my next paycheck

My birthday is next week and I just know I’m already gonna cry that day. I’ve never felt this isolated in my life and I kind of wish I could go back to when I didn’t know even though before it wasn’t much better I was still depressed for days back to back and then I would come out of my shell and that would happen like 2 to 3 times a month in the past but I’m not depressed necessarily right now I am kind of. It’s just all the executive dysfunction the sensory sensitivities from just having audhd and shifting psych medication, making me like a Kermit in a in a shell.

I don’t know. I just need to talk to somebody and I feel like I’m not alone.

Hello! How r u guys doing? So, I read a post about "being good looking and having ASD" and it motivated me to ask if something that happens to me is common to other individuals with ASD or i am just a statistic anomaly.

Almost 90% of my friendships are with the opposite sex, idk why, but they're more welcoming and "open". I know that having male friendships are very important for ur social development, but I just don't know why I just don't connect?

Is not something related to special interests, as i like a lot of manly stuff (football and working out for example, ik that they're not 100% manly, but r more associated to male behavior). I rly don't know, a more welcoming appearance perhaps (but it should reflect also a proximity with the same sex, right?, idk).

I am posting it to see if it resonates with someone, is it common or not and if anyone have an explanation for why it happens?

I get anxiety because I overthink the way I am.

I think it stems from the relationship side of things. People say they get married because they feel lonely and unfulfilled. But for me, I never felt that was the reason or is the reason to find someone. I don't think I ever feel any heartbreaks or desperation for a relationship. That's why I feel scared because I feel that should be the main reason you'd be in a relationship. I was in a breakup once, but I never felt sad or anything. I was like.. 'meh'. But it seems as if there is a genuine consensus that if you break up, you must feel heartbroken.. or if you are single, you must be lonely and desperate for a relationship.

I never felt any desperation to get into a relationship. It's not that I'm avoiding it, but I'm just relaxed. Seems like every guy I know is hunting for the perfect wife, but I never felt that I'm on the hunt or anything like that. I dont even feel I'm missing out. Sure, I wouldn't mind a relationship, but I don't think I'd get bitter over a heartbreak.

Am I normal?

No estoy solo, vivo acompañado de mi familia y mis animales pero siempre he tenido el anhelo de una pareja, pasan los años y aunque intento socializar se me hace muy duro ver a parejas felices viviendo algo que probablemente nunca viviré, por eso me duele tanto ir a lugares como el cine, se que tengo una cara atractiva pero eso no es suficiente para compensar mi torpeza social la cual ha ido mejorando a medida que me he expuesto a situaciones sociales pero siempre hay algo que nunca será suficiente en mí... Hay temporadas que me deprimo por estos sentimientos... No tengo amigos de mi edad, en realidad nunca he podido tenerlos, siempre he querido tener una amiga o mejor dicho una novia, las veces que me he atrevido a dar un paso he sido rechazado de manera cruel o peor aún me han hecho breadcrumbing lo cual solo me ha acomplejado aún mas, soy hipersexual pero parece que no puedo tener sexo sin una confianza previa entre la persona y yo pero creo que no es posible que alguien quiera construir algo así conmigo, me siento juzgado y humillado por mujeres que parecen estar ahogadas en pretendientes mucho mejores que yo mientras muero de sed en este desierto, tengo un grado alto de discapacidad y cobro una pensión por ello... tengo 22 años y ojalá pudiera simplemente no tener este deseo, solo quiero coger de la mano a una chica y sentir su calor, quiero abrazar a alguien por las noches y sentir que puedo ser yo mismo con esa persona, quería desahogarme aquí por que se que muchos como yo lo entienden, hoy siento que no tengo energía por culpa de estos sentimientos de frustración

Querid@s tod@s,

Busco amig@s en suiza (región de Berna) y/o en Tenerife, quienes se encuentran en el espectro autista y sean aficionados a plantas/botánica... y tal vez tengan dificultad de encontrar "parecidos"...

I've been diagnosed recently with ASD lvl 1 and realised I've been masking my whole life (I'm 36 male). In a previous post, I mentioned being the people-pleaser type and when I reduce masking and become more honest surprisingly my social interactions improve. People seem to like this version of me better. I say inappropriate things sometimes, but my friends are fine with myself not being perfect because they are not perfect themselves. In fact, when I people pleased I tried too hard sometimes which was objectively worse.

But now I'm facing another challenge: in certain situations, not masking means disappearing. That is, I have no reaction whatsoever. I don't feel like talking or responding. I just don't exist unless the social interaction involves a topic I'm actually interested in. I've even thought that maybe I don't even have a personality and don't really know who I am. Does anyone relate to this?

So what is it like being good looking while on the autism spectrum?

I (28M) I was born in 1998. Here's how I'd rate (0 to 10) my life divided on years.

-From 1998 to 2002: I can't rate because I have some random memories, but I wasn't aware for the most part. Some issues were running on my family (like my parents divorcing) but I was too young to care...

-2003: This was the year I started to retain memories. I was a precocious kid, very good at reading and speaking. Everything was funny to me back then: Kindergarten, Cartoon Network and Fox Kids binges, playing most of the time. My life wasn't perfect but I was very happy. 8/10

-2004: This year was even better, it was the year I started to collect DVD movies and I remember watching a lot of cool movies at the cinema (Catwoman, Scooby Doo 2, Van Helsing, Spiderman 2...). I started elementary school back then but what was relevant for me is the amount of cool movies and TV shows I binged. 9/10

-2005 to 2006: Worse than before, I started to be a victim of bullying at school, and was the years I started to go to therapy. I received my asperger diagnosis back then. One of my cousins died in a motorbike accident which affected all my family. My siblings were born in 2005, and my stepdad was very aggresive to me. Bleak years, TV and movies were the best part. 4/10

-2007: I attended a new school. Change was for the better because my new classmates were very nice. Was a funny year, but not perfect because I had to stand my mom and my stepdad arguing in my home. I loved going to school... 6/10

-2008 to 2010: Terrible years. I got overweight because of risperdal. My mom had to sue my stepdad in 2008. My grades droppes in 2009, and I stopped feeling at the new school in 2010. 2/10

-2011 and 2012: Well, I was a 13-14 teen. It was the cool thing, I had the first crush in my life, I and I developed an interest in alternative music. I also got in a better shape. Bad things were: my grades. 5/10

-2013 to 2018: Awful. From 2013 to 2014 I got great grades, but I had to deal with bullying again. I stopped going out for a long period due to social anxiety. In 2016 I lost all my friends forever. 1/10

-2019: Good year because I stopped taking meds so I got very skinny, which made me feel more confortable with my body. I overcame my social anxiety and I could hang out again. But I was unemployed and not studying. 6/10

-2020 to 2023: Terrifying. I got institutionalized in 2020 due to a mental breakdown. Also in 2021 and 2022. I was violent and I got arrested many times. I regret nowadays but I guess it was my mental illness' fault. 2023 was the year I had to recover slowly. 1/10

-2024: Was a bit sad, but better than before. I was fully recovered and I could study again, I started a telecommunications vocational training course, I met cool classmates and everything felt a bit more chill. 6/10

-2025: I left vocational training because I got my first job ever (CNA). Which made me feel very useful and I earned money. Felt like a very stable year. 7/10.

Sorry for making this post so long xddd. If you wanna try it yourself I swear I'll read you all :)

Im 19, uni student rn, people around my age is starting to get their first job at fast food shops, waiters and baristars even while being on uni. I havent had a real job before. All I did was designing someones website page and getting paid a little online.

I know i am not meant to be a waiter chatting with customers, however, isn't that kind of part time jobs part of adulting? If I can't survive under those part time jobs how else can i survive at other jobs?

I want to ask other autistic/aspergers people who had or have a job, how was it and how satisfactory is it considering autistic symptoms such as hyper sensitivity and social struggles.

I’m a 21-year-old guy with Asperger’s, and I recently had my first real dating experience. Honestly, instead of making me excited about dating, it made me realize just how much I struggle with being autistic.
For some context, I grew up overweight and wasn’t the best-looking kid. I spent years changing that. I lost the weight, started taking care of myself, and somewhere along the way I convinced myself that if I looked good enough and got really good at masking, I’d finally fit in. Like maybe people would see me before they saw the autism. Then one of my customers asked me out. I was genuinely shocked because she was really attractive, and I never expected something like that to happen to me. Our first date was at the movies, which was honestly perfect because I didn’t have to constantly think of things to say. I even brought her flowers. After the movie she gave me a really long hug and said she wanted to see me again. A few days later we were supposed to go watch horse races, but it stormed, so she invited me to her house instead. That absolutely terrified me. I’d never been to a girl’s house before, and I kind of knew her mom already, which made it even more stressful. I almost didn’t go, but I pushed myself because I really liked her.
The night actually went way better than I expected. We smoked, talked for hours, watched shows, and just hung out. There were a few awkward silences, and those always make me panic because I never know how to recover a conversation. My brain just freezes. Somehow it ended up being 2 in the morning. Normally I like being home by 11 because socializing drains me, but I completely lost track of time. She told me to stay the night. We shared a bed, and she definitely hinted that she wanted to have sex, but I wasn’t comfortable with that since we’d just met. I don’t judge people who would, it just isn’t me. So instead we just laid there holding each other all night, and honestly it was one of the nicest moments I’ve ever had with someone.
The next morning was when everything hit me. My social battery was completely dead. All I wanted was to go home and recharge in my room. The problem was it was her sister’s birthday, and she wanted me to stay so she could introduce me to her family and friends. Just hearing that made my stomach drop. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet them. I did. But the thought of meeting a whole room full of new people after already spending the entire night masking felt impossible. I knew I’d have to be “on” for hours longer, and I just couldn’t do it. So I made up an excuse and left.
When I got home I replayed the whole night over and over in my head. I kept wondering if I came across as weird or if she noticed how hard I was trying. There were little moments where I thought she looked at me differently, but I honestly don’t know if that actually happened or if I was just overanalyzing everything like I usually do. What stuck with me wasn’t whether she liked me or not. It was realizing how much effort it took just to spend one night with someone I genuinely liked. That was one evening, and afterward I felt completely drained. Then I started thinking about what an actual relationship would look like. Meeting her family. Hanging out with her friends. Birthdays. Holidays. Family dinners. Parties. Having to constantly socialize. I realized I don’t want my relationship to be another place where I have to mask. I don’t want to feel like I have to be at 110% around the person I’m supposed to feel safest with. I want someone I can actually unmask around without worrying they’ll think I’m weird.
That’s when it really hit me. No matter how much I change my appearance, lose weight, or improve myself, I’m still autistic. I can change my body. I can change how I dress. I can learn better social skills. But I can’t change the way my brain works. Sometimes I genuinely hate that. I hate that something that seems so effortless for most people feels like running a marathon for me. I just want to fit in. I just want to feel normal. I want relationships to feel natural instead of feeling like I’m acting the entire time.
I ended up ghosting her, and I honestly feel awful about it because she didn’t do anything wrong. She was kind to me the whole time. Looking back, I wish I had at least explained myself instead of disappearing. The truth is I wasn’t running away from her—I was overwhelmed by myself. I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else on the spectrum has experienced something similar. Does dating ever stop feeling this mentally exhausting, or do you eventually find someone you don’t have to mask around?

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed with autism at 21 and I'm 31 now. After years of therapy, my life has improved a lot. I have a boyfriend, a small group of friends, live on my own, and I enjoy birdwatching.

I also work full-time at auticon, which is a very autism-friendly company with a supportive, low-stress environment. I don't think my workplace is the problem, although working 40 hours a week might be.

The issue is that between work and maintaining my social life, I have almost no time or energy left for myself.

If I have any energy after work, I usually spend it socializing because I'm afraid of losing the social skills I worked so hard to build after years of isolation.

As a result, my weekends are almost always full of plans with my boyfriend or friends. I miss having quiet time to decompress, go birdwatching, or simply stay home and read.

What makes this harder is that I find it incredibly difficult to say no. If my boyfriend or a friend asks me to do something, saying, "Sorry, I'm going birdwatching," or "I'd rather stay home with a book today", feels like letting them down.

I also realize that if I followed my own decompression time, I wouldn’t have any time left for them lol. My natural answer to social outings would be “never,” because they drain all my energy and don’t recharge me in any way. But I’m not ready to live like a hermit (YET).

I know spending time alone is healthy, but I also worry that neurotypical people might take it personally if I choose solitude over spending time with them. So I usually say yes, even when I really need to recharge.

It often feels like I have to choose between having a social life and having enough time for myself, and I don't want to give up either.

Does anyone else struggle with this? If you've found a way to balance full-time work, friendships, hobbies, and enough alone time, I'd love to hear what works for you.

If executive dysfunction is part of the problem, have you found any strategies that help you manage your time and energy better?

A lot of them legit believed you were acting dumb on purpose to avoid any kind of responsibility and you acted weird in public and embarrassed the family. You know when you got home an ass whooping was coming as soon as pops took off that belt it was a wrap.

And you never wanted to correct your dad because he might look at that as you insulting his intelligence and that could lead to an ass whooping hell talking to him with a monotone voice can be seen as disrespect that might lead to an ass whipping too

I grew up an environment where you had to be tough. The Sheldon from Big Bang theory types didn’t really do well socially, I was 140 pounds in high school on 174 now when I tell you I used to get my ass beat every single fucking day my bullies would wait for the teacher to step out of class and punched me in the back of the head and then sit down as if nothing happened when the teacher walked back in. I gained weight during the pandemic.

And if you were not into sports like football and basketball other guys looked at you crazy “who this weirdo”

There is often a stereotype that people with autism have an ironclad memory, but I wonder how recognizable that actually is.

I notice that I can sometimes startle people because I remember small details or conversations from years ago, while they have no idea that it ever happened.

How do you experience your somatic memory, episodic memory (memories of personal events), short-term memory, and long-term memory? Are some types of memory particularly strong for you, while others are less so? I am especially curious about your personal experiences and whether you recognize certain patterns in them.

I (28M) used to be very energetic when I was a young boy. As a kid I was very enthusiastic, very curious and open about everything. I lived at full and I can't complain about my childhood. It was during my teens when I became lethargic forever. Always tired, with dead eyes, always giving sad vibes... I've noticed many people on the spectrum is lethargic too, but in my case it started on my teens, otherwise I was a very lively before my teens.

That's why I refuse to believe it's due to autism. Do you relate?