u/no_insurance_money

I'm 25 and I have absolutely zero romantic experience. I never went on a date, hugged, flirted, or held hands. I grew up very quiet, had social anxiety throughout school, and was very awkward as a result of it. I'm in a much better position now since I'm becoming a teacher, but I feel some level of hopelessness.

I always disliked the gender role in our society that the man has to approach the woman or else nothing will ever happen. To me, it feels like nothing about you or your personality/qualities matters at all anymore if you are shy or come off even a bit awkward. I never approached a girl or asked anyone out before. But I often feel like if I was the woman version of myself I would have at least experienced something in my life.

I talked to my therapist about this and he genuinely felt stuck on how to respond to it. He said something along the lines of that societal norms are what they are and tried to encourage myself to get myself out there.

I live in one of the most socially progressive cities in the world. I've had 2 nonbinary friends who were female and I've seen them get boyfriends who initiated and did everything first.

I don't want to participate in hookup culture or anything, I just want a girlfriend and know how it is to be loved for who you are. Maybe I'm pressuring myself to have to follow social rules and appear socially smooth perfectly. I'm already 25 and I already feel behind, I don't want to wait until I'm 30 to have the social ability to get a girlfriend.

Throughout my life when I have a group project, someone will say "OP said they want to be the one to present" when I never mentioned anything like that.

Other times where I would be at a restaurant for my birthday and a relative would pretend to raise their hand to tell a waiter to sing in front of the whole restaurant. Even when they know I don't want that to happen.

Like I know they are doing it as a joke but I take it literally.

Today was my first solo day and it went badly. It was mostly because of 3 students that made today very hard for me. I am placed with the same 1st grade classroom for the whole year, 4 days a week. I've subbed for over a year and I thought today would be easier because I know the routines and kids. It was worse than other 1st grade classes I've subbed for.

I had one student who is ADHD and Autism and needs constant overwhelming attention. From the start he started pushing boundaries. It wasn't that bad until the middle of the day where he would bang his pencil and water bottle on the table and the floor. He would yell and make weird loud laughing sounds. And each time I can see in my peripheral he was looking at me to get his attention, even when other staff told me to ignore him. It's hard to ignore him when he constantly provoked other kids at his table and going out of his way to provoke and move another kid's stuff at another table to chase him. Whenever I confronted him about it, he tried to blame the other kids and act like he was clueless and innocent. I called the principal 3 times, and every time he got sent back and the behavior came back again. I don't even know if he got a call home.

I had another kid who is also attention seeking and would constantly and try to mess up other kid's papers and bother people in line.

We don't have negative consequences in our classroom except for taking away minutes from choice time. I feel like there isn't a bunch of things I can do.

I hate it when my parents say the words "finish all of it" or "eat it all, it won't be good tomorrow". I get visibly annoyed and upset and my instinct is to say no a bunch of times so they get the message and stop trying to get to eat more than I want to.

I also hate it when I hang out with friends and they try to put their food on my plate, even when they have good intentions.

Also when I went to a wedding and one of my cousins tried to insist and really pressure me to take a whole bag of leftover cookies and oreos with the reasoning of not wasting food. And I got internally upset about that.

I'm particularly writing this today because my dad bought us a big bowl of noodles and tried to insist that I eat everything or it won't taste good tomorrow, and I gained 2 pounds on the scale this morning. It's hard for me to lose a pound and it seems like I gain a pound so easily.

I just turned 25 and I never approached or asked a girl out before. I never had any romantic experiences. So no holding hands, kissing, or ever been on a date before. I also don't have any evidence of a woman liking me for my personality. I do have aspergers and I've been very shy and socially awkward for my entire life, up until 2 years ago.

I think being shy or awkward is the worst and most unattractive personality trait to have and no girl would like that. My social anxiety was so bad and I had severe awkwardness in social situations because I didn't know what to do in them. There were many times where I felt shame and humiliation from other people during school, college, and in public because of it. I also have trauma from peers and my parents from it.

I never approached a girl because I don't know what to do or say. And also the fact that I don't want to mess up, humiliate myself, or face the awkwardness of it then be rejected because of it. I also feel jealous about the gender role that the man has to be the one to initiate. It feels like nothing else about me or my other traits matter anymore if you are a man and you're shy or awkward. But if you are a woman, you can be shy or awkward and can still be loved despite it since you can be approached. It's not like I can't speak to women at all, this only happens with women I'm interested in.

I've improved a lot of my social skills the past 3 years where I feel social situations are very manageable, but this is the one of the few things I feel like I can't get over. I've had male and female friends point out that a girl is looking at me in public or say that she wants me to talk to her but I can't make the first move.

At this point of my life, I can talk to women I'm interested in, but I can't flirt because I'm scared to and I don't know what to do. But I can only talk to her if she talks to me first.

I'm talking about Mien, Hmong, Karen, etc. Even really small ethnic groups with low populations in the US like Burmese or Lao.

I'm Mien living in the bay area. Only maybe 10% of people I've talked about race/ethnicity to has ever heard of Mien people. Even when I do tell them, they just see me as Laotian because my family came from there.

If you are an ethnic minority, how is your experience interacting with people? Especially to other Asians where I still have to explain what I am.

I'm 25 and I never had any romantic experiences. I never talked to a woman in a romantic way, I never held hands or kissed, and I never asked someone out before so I've never been on a date.

I have asperger's and it makes me really sad that nothing about my personality or traits matters anymore if you're shy or awkward. I've always wanted a genuine romantic relationship, but it feels like you can be anything but shy to get in one.

I have a lot of female friends throughout my life, so it's not like I can't talk to women. Only recently was I able to talk to women I'm interested in or attracted to, but only if they talk to me first. I can't for the life of me approach someone and ask them out because I don't know what to do or say, I will stammer, and it will be really awkward. Then I would be rejected over my shyness or awkwardness. I've had trouble socially growing up and through college where people would always make fun of me for it.

I've had both male and female friends point out that I'm attractive or that some girl is staring at me when we hang out, but I feel very hesitant to do anything and they will never approach me either.

I've improved a lot of my social skills, but I still feel very behind. I also feel jealous of women I know because they can just be approached and asked out.

My social life hasn't been good at all the past 2 years. Since I've moved back home from college, I lost my core friend group. I made a few friends from my job, but hanging out with them is a little inconsistent, we hang out once every 1 or 2 weeks. And usually, we're doing activities that seem boring to me and I rather be doing something else.

Pretty much all the friends I've ever had in my life, the other person was the one who initiated it/invited me out first. This was due to having aspergers and I used to have very bad social skills and anxiety.

I want to go back to my local underground rave scene that I used to go with my old friend group. But this time, I don't have anyone to go with. The thought of going to an event like this where I don't know anyone and having to approach random people and groups to talk to is very intimidating for me. It always seems like everyone is talking to someone and I'm awkwardly left out standing around.

It's tricky because a lot of the things I'm interested in are one-time events like raves, vintage and thrifting fairs, concerts. I can get myself to go to farmers markets and vintage fairs alone, but I barely talk to anyone.

I joined a boxing class lately, but I only really talk to a few people in the class, and the relationship never made it outside of class.

Let's say there is some type of concert or open venue that you go to by yourself.

To me, whenever I go to one of these events it feels awkward and overwhelming. It looks like everyone came with someone. Everyone is already talking to their friends or talking in a group while I'm just standing there alone. How do you even integrate yourself with other people or approach and insert yourself into groups conversations?

I have a lot of anxiety with this and I usually make an excuse to not go to something that I wanted to.

I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and I've never had any romantic experiences. Never went on a date, never kissed, never held hands. Diagnosed with Aspergers, and had trauma from my parents, classmates, school/college due to shyness and being socially awkward.

I struggle with the idea of the gender role that the man has to approach and initiate things because I wasn't able to do it. I always felt like if you were a man that was shy and socially awkward no girl would see you romantically. I always felt like not being shy or awkward was the prerequisite for being worthy to experience love and be loved romantically. It's like nothing about me or my personality matters anymore because girls don't like shy or socially awkward men. I always felt like if I was a girl with the same personality, I could still be shy but someone can still ask me out and still love me for who I am.

I'm not a bad looking guy. I get looks and stares from women in my class and in public. I have both male and female friends that point out when a woman was checking me out. But I still have a lot of trouble making the approach because I don't know what to do or say. It tells me that they like me for how I look, but I never had any girl like me romantically for my personality. I always feel like my shyness or social awkwardness would put them off if I did try to talk to them and that's why they're not interested in me.

I've been working on myself socially for the past 2 years but I still realize I'm still so behind everyone else. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to escalate, I don't know how to plan a date, I don't know how to approach, I don't know how to ask someone out on a date. I only now felt okay enough talking to girls I'm interested in but only if they talk to me first

I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and I've never had any romantic experiences. Never went on a date, never kissed, never held hands. Diagnosed with Aspergers. Had trauma about shyness, quietness, and social awkwardness from parents and people at school/college.

I used to resent the gender role that the man has to approach and initiate things because I wasn't able to do it. I always felt like if you were a man that was shy and socially awkward no girl would see you romantically. I always felt like not being shy or awkward was the prerequisite for being worthy to experience love and be loved romantically. It's like nothing about me or my personality matters anymore because girls don't like shy or socially awkward men. I always felt like if I was a girl with the same personality, I could still be shy but someone can still ask me out and still love me for who I am.

I'm not a bad looking guy. I get looks and stares from women in my class and in public. I have both male and female friends that point out when a woman was checking me out. But I still have a lot of trouble making the approach because I don't know what to do or say. It tells me that they like me for how I look, but I never had any girl like me romantically for my personality. I always feel like my shyness or social awkwardness would put them off if I did try to talk to them and that's why they're not interested in me.

I've been working on myself socially for the past 2 years but I still realize I'm still so behind everyone else. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to escalate, I don't know how to plan a date, I don't know how to approach, I don't know how to ask someone out on a date. I only now felt okay enough talking to girls I'm interested in but only if they talk to me first.

I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and I've never had any romantic experiences. Never went on a date, never kissed, never held hands. Diagnosed with social communication disorder.

I used to resent the gender role that the man has to approach and initiate things because I wasn't able to do it. I always felt like if you were a man that was shy and socially awkward no girl would see you romantically. I always felt like not being shy or awkward was the prerequisite for being worthy to experience love and be loved romantically. It's like nothing about me or my personality matters anymore because girls don't like shy or socially awkward men. I always felt like if I was a girl with the same personality, I could still be shy but someone can still ask me out and still love me for who I am.

I'm not a bad looking guy. I get looks and stares from women in my class and in public. I have both male and female friends that point out when a woman was checking me out. But I still have a lot of trouble making the approach because I don't know what to do or say. It tells me that they like me for how I look, but I never had any girl like me romantically for my personality. I always feel like my shyness or social awkwardness would put them off if I did try to talk to them and that's why they're not interested in me.

I've been working on myself socially for the past 2 years but I still realize I'm still so behind everyone else. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to escalate, I don't know how to plan a date, I don't know how to approach, I don't know how to ask someone out on a date. I only now felt okay enough talking to girls I'm interested in but only if they talk to me first.

I'm 24M

I live with my parents but I barely talk to them at all. I never initiate conversation with them, and when they ask me something, I can only reply in one or two word responses. I can't get myself to share information about myself. The things I like to do, who my friends are and what their names are, how my day has been. I can't get myself to talk to them about anything.

This affects the way I interact with extended family members too. I feel like if I'm able to be more authentic with them, they could use the information I tell them and how I act and it will somehow spread to my parents. Even if it would be basic info. I can't interact with people normally if I'm out in public with my parents either.

I wasn't always like this, but this has been happening for the past 8 years. I have a quiet and introverted personality so I think my parents just assume I don't like to talk to them.

I do have trauma with my dad and he would take his anger out on me and criticize me throughout my childhood. My mom kinda enables it and says he's mean and yells at me, but he still loves me. Now that I'm older, I guess they figured that out and stopped doing that since they don't do that to my 14yo sister anymore. But deep down, I think they regret doing those things.

I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and I've never had any romantic experiences. Never went on a date, never kissed, never held hands.

I used to resent the gender role that the man has to approach and initiate things because I wasn't able to do it. I always felt like if you were a man that was shy and socially awkward no girl would see you romantically. I always felt like not being shy or awkward was the prerequisite for being worthy to experience love and be loved romantically. It's like nothing about me or my personality matters anymore because girls don't like shy or socially awkward men. I always felt like if I was a girl with the same personality, I could still be shy but someone can still ask me out and still love me for who I am.

I'm not a bad looking guy. I get looks and stares from women in my class and in public. I have both male and female friends that point out when a woman was checking me out. But I still have a lot of trouble making the approach because I don't know what to do or say. It tells me that they like me for how I look, but I never had any girl like me romantically for my personality. I always feel like my shyness or social awkwardness would put them off if I did try to talk to them and that's why they're not interested in me.

I've been working on myself socially for the past 2 years but I still realize I'm still so behind everyone else. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to escalate, I don't know how to plan a date, I don't know how to approach, I don't know how to ask someone out on a date. I only now felt okay enough talking to girls I'm interested in but only if they talk to me first.

I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks and I've never had any romantic experiences. Never went on a date, never kissed, never held hands. Diagnosed with social communication disorder.

I used to resent the gender role that the man has to approach and initiate things because I wasn't able to do it. I always felt like if you were a man that was shy and socially awkward no girl would see you romantically. I always felt like not being shy or awkward was the prerequisite for being worthy to experience love and be loved romantically. It's like nothing about me or my personality matters anymore because girls don't like shy or socially awkward men. I always felt like if I was a girl with the same personality, I could still be shy but someone can still ask me out and still love me for who I am.

I'm not a bad looking guy. I get looks and stares from women in my class and in public. I have both male and female friends that point out when a woman was checking me out. But I still have a lot of trouble making the approach because I don't know what to do or say. It tells me that they like me for how I look, but I never had any girl like me romantically for my personality. I always feel like my shyness or social awkwardness would put them off if I did try to talk to them and that's why they're not interested in me.

I've been working on myself socially for the past 2 years but I still realize I'm still so behind everyone else. I don't know how to flirt, I don't know how to escalate, I don't know how to plan a date, I don't know how to approach, I don't know how to ask someone out on a date. I only now felt okay enough talking to girls I'm interested in but only if they talk to me first.

Whenever I go somewhere new where there's a bunch of people like a concert or party or class or going to boxing class, it seems like it's uncommon for people to start conversations with me. It always seems like everyone is already talking to someone or everyone is in a group conversation and I'm the only one left out. I feel so self conscious and intimidated to try to insert myself in a conversation that is already happening.

I take boxing classes at a gym twice a week. There are a few people that I talk to there. We get a few newcomers trying out the class, and it seems like people that to boxing consistently are more eager and engaged to talk to them. And the newcomers feel more integrated with the people in class so much faster.

California. I got sent an email last month asking if I'm going to continue working for the district next school year. I put no because I plan on attending a program in August. I didn't get any response or documentation after.

24M, turning 25 in a couple months. Aspergers.

I've always had a hard time making friends. Honestly, all of the friends I've made in my life was created because they asked/invited me out to hang out first.

I currently do boxing, but I haven't really made any friends there, just acquaintances. I feel like no ever talks to me first and I'm often the one to start the conversation first.

The only other place where I think I can go make friends is getting back into my local underground rave scene. It feels so hard for me to get out there and randomly start a conversation with a stranger. I don't have anyone to go with since I'm not friends with the people I used to go there with. I don't want to be the guy who goes out alone and having too much anxiety to go up and start a conversation with someone, especially when it seems like everyone is in a group (I really struggle with group conversations). I don't like going out to places or events where socializing is unstructured. I've been telling myself that I'd go out to a rave for a year and a half and I still couldn't get myself to do it.

I also use my body image as a way to avoid going out. I've had body image issues about my belly since I was a kid. And even though I'm at a healthy weight, I tell myself that I can't go out until I feel skinny enough to do so.

I've had a hard time with group conversations all my life. I always prefer 1-on-1 interaction or 1-on-2 interactions, but once it get to 4 people it's like I just automatically start disengaging from the conversation and go quiet. I do listen to what everyone's talking about though, but often times I just start daydreaming or thinking about random things. It kind of feels like I'm not doing any of this on purpose, but I also feel like I should actually put in effort in this area.

My friend who works in special ed says that he notices that I generally take longer to respond to questions because I'm actually taking the time to think about my answer honestly. And group conversations are way too fast paced.

There's someone in one of my friend groups that just really annoys me. Recently, I feel like I've been quick to becoming irritated when we are hanging out as a group. Honestly, I haven't been like this with any of the friends that I had before. When it's just me hanging out one-on-one with another friend, it's all good. But when he's around, I feel like the dynamic just changes. He didn't necessarily do anything "wrong" or "bad" to me, but I think it might be incompatible personalities and I wouldn't hang out with him with just us alone. But I'm pretty sure he sees me as a friend though.

He gets me stressed out and I feel constantly pressured by him. He interacts with me like I'm a comedian and I'm just there to make jokes or do something funny when I don't feel like putting on a character for his entertainment. He constantly wants me to join in and take his side when laughing or talking about other people.

He would also just say things that would just make me mad. When I was introduced to a friend of a friend (who was black), he would make a joke saying that he hears me say the n-word all the time when I don't. He did it as a joke but that just pissed me off. He would also tell other people who got laid off that I have connections and could get them a job (I can't).

Asking me what I'm doing for my birthday, and trying to convince me that to go to the club and who we're inviting like I'm not allowed plan my own birthday (he's not going to be invited).

Also very pushy and insistent. It feels like he can't accept it when I say no to things like food, and he will still put it on my plate.

I feel like he just stresses me out everytime we hang out, and I get irritated and go nonverbal.