r/Healthygamergg

My IQ is 79 and I struggle a lot with coming to terms with it. I often do not understand people who are more intelligent than me (which encompasses most people, of course) because they exist within a completely different intellectual realm; they comprehend things in ways I can‘t. It doesn‘t help that I am autistic and have adhd— as a consequence, I don‘t perform very well socially either. I don‘t have any inner talents or skills, and I have become very indifferent towards everyone and everything as a partial effect of it.

I struggle a lot with abstract thinking, logic, hypothethicals, communication, self-awareness, creativity, processing speed, verbal comprehension, spatial awareness, manual labor/eye to hand coordination, understanding other people more intelligent than me, making connections, etc.

So, it basically makes me feel absurdly sad. I feel very indifferent now, and I barely care about learning anything or resolving my ingrained ignorance. So I just don‘t want to feel sad anymore. I go to therapy but it doesn‘t work that well because I am also severely depressed and have two personality disorders.

TL;DR:

20M, stuck in years of severe anxiety and avoidance. Never really launched into life (no job, license, dropped out of college, multiple gap years). I understand my issues on some level and have improved a bit, but I still can’t consistently act or change my situation. I feel like I’m falling further behind in life while being mentally aware of what I should do, and I don’t know how to break out of this cycle or accept that life involves constant discomfort and suffering.

(20M) I feel very stuck. I have felt very stuck for years, and I just cannot understand why I'm like this and why I can't just "do it."

I've been watching Dr. K since 2020. I've meditated on and off since then, and recently I've started doing it more consistently.

I almost failed high school. I was depressed and anxious the whole time and have VERY VERY strong avoidant tendencies. Horrible social anxiety to the point where I can't even take a walk in my own neighborhood sometimes, and when someone knocks on the front door, I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack.

I've never had a job. Never got my driver's license. I feel alone a lot. My room's a mess all the time.

I went to college and failed, then took a gap year, and now I'm on gap year number 2 trying to get into university. I actually have a chance to, but I just can't get myself to work and get it done, so I might be going onto gap year number 3. At that point it'll have been 4 years since high school, and my friends will have all graduated and gotten jobs.

I just don't know what's left for me, man.

I started cleaning my room last week, and I'm happy about it, but nothing ever seems to change with me. I'm more self-aware and compassionate with myself these days, which has helped, and I've made A LOT of progress with my social anxiety considering where I used to be. But I'm really just the same motherfucker I was in high school.

I remember always struggling in school. Teachers were always calling my mom about something growing up. Then in 8th grade I got a really shit grade, and my heart sank. From then on, for the rest of the year, I was the TOP student. 90s, 100s on some tests even. I conquered some of my social anxiety too.

Then COVID hit.

Still, when 9th grade started, I guess I still had some momentum going. I did well, got my 80s and a few 90s. It was great. I also made some friends.

Then from there it's been genuine downhill, and it seems like I'm still going downhill. And that was what... 6-ish years ago? Going on 7?

I don't get what happened to me, and I don't get why I'm still like this.

I almost feel like I just don't give a shit about anything. Like genuinely, I just don't care, because that's what my actions show, that I really don't care, and that me doing this whole "woe is me, I'm a piece of shit" thing is just an act to escape responsibility.

But then again, me understanding that on some level doesn't change anything. I'm still me.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore, man.

I'm letting myself down. I'm letting my family down. I don't know if there's hope for me.

And even that, I understand, is fucking stupid because I'm not the arbiter of truth. Who am I to say what's possible and what's not? I understand that.

But like... c'mon, man.

It seems like every step I take is just another stumble into another failure.

I don't know why I went on a tangent. You don't have to read all that if you don't want to.

This seems to be the crux of the issue.

I don't want to feel discomfort and pain and suffering. I don't want to wake up feeling like shit because I got bad sleep and still have to fight.

I don't want to feel that.

And I don't want to accept that that's what life is.

I’m a 20yo Female that has had anxiety since i was a pre teen, and only intensified over the years. My anxiety has mostly been school related, and now as a med student, it is the worst it has been. I just have this feeling of doom and despair about everything. For example, for not being good enough as a student. You see, most of my classmates were pretty smart growing up, top of their class. And me? I struggled through every stage of my academic life after it became MY responsibility. I was the type of student who would get very distracted at class and would have a hard time keeping up. And when it came to signing in assignments? A total mess. I had to go to detention multiple times because I kept forgetting to hand in my homework on time. Either forget or just procrastinate. It's been like this for as long as I can remember. Eventually when I got older and almost failed a subject I started to try harder. And I mean I have always been considered a smart kid, just not very disciplined. Long story short it worked pretty well for me and I graduated high school with an average of 93.

I’m now a Med student and currently seeing subjects such as physiology, anatomy, genetics etc. I am struggling so hard. I’m very disciplined studying but it doesn't really bring any results. My grades are an average of B’s and B+'s and I'm sick of it. It frustrates me to just go blank every time I take an exam. Nerves get the better of me. My anxiety peaks so much I had to start taking contraception pills to keep my period in check. I hate to feel like I’m dying every exam season. I hate to see other people do so well while I struggle so much and fail. It makes me question if I want to study this field at all.

I used to be pretty depressed as a teen and didn’t really see the point in getting up and going to school every single day. When I started University, I felt like I finally had a goal in life. But now, I don't even know if I want to keep going. On the other hand, I don't see myself doing anything else. The thought of seeing my boyfriend after class is what is keeping me going lately. He just numbs all the pain I feel sometimes.

My boyfriend is my favourite thing in this world. I don’t know how to express the admiration and love I feel for that guy. He just gets me, holds me, soothes me. we’ve been together since January 2nd 2024. He just fills me with joy. I’ve dated before him. It never felt like this. 914 days since we made it official and I feel more in love every single day. It is as if my brain gets reset every single day. I trust him like I never trusted anyone. I love him like I never loved anything. I feel like i can just melt into his arms and i can be his little girl, like nothing can hurt me as long as he’s with me. But sometimes I ONLY think about him. As if it protected me to think about things that hurt me. I developed a big self hatred rooted in my academic frustration, and other things. Thinking just hurts. I also picked the horrible habit of doomscrolling when I don't have anything career related to do. I just don’t do anything

I used to be an art kid. I would spend whole days drawing in my room and listening to music. I miss being an art kid. Now I feel like I can't pick up a pen without being frustrated by my lack of skill. It’s been like this… since I'm 17. I draw from time to time but never like I used to.

Sometimes when I'm alone with my thoughts, I think about how sad my relationship with my parents is. All you need to know is that I am the first daughter of a divorced couple. I don’t have any memories of living with my dad. My mum used to be my hero, my role model when I was a child. As I grew up, I started to see sides of my mother that just disillusioned me so much. The day i mooved to germany i saw her hold hands with another man (that wasn’t my siblings dad). After that i would hear her talk with other men too.
When i was little i i lived with her (before my siblings were born) she was so fun and unserious. When my siblings were born she didn't know how to split her attention and made me feel like I wasn't worthy of her attention and love anymore. She wouldn't appear to my school functions, or spend as much time with me as she did with my siblings. It really frustrated me as a child. Because I used to have a ton of activities and she wouldn’t come. Or if she did, she would stay for 10 mins and then leave. Meanwhile, my other friends' parents would be there. Its a stupid little thing but it still hurts me to this day. Her preference was obvious enough for my stepdad to notice. She would tuck my siblings to bed, call them to her room, buy them gifts, and just give them more attention in general. Meanwhile i was expected to be self-sufficient, take care of my siblings and chores from a very young age. My siblings were never expected to do the same. We used to live in germany with my siblings dad until one day we went to the dominican republic (where i come from) for some vacations. Turned out it wasn't some vacations and stayed. From that moment on my resentment for my mum only grew bigger and bigger until it exploded when i was 16. I was stressed, i was depressed and suicidal. I wanted help and she would ignore me, or tell me hurtful things. I would reply with more hurtull things. Our relationship was pretty bad at that time. Things are better now and we get allong pretty fine. But i just feel like i can’t ve very affectionate with her anymore. It is as if there was this emotional barrier. I wish i could delete everything and just be my mums little girl again. I wish i could just hug her like i used to when i was a child. (this is a very sensible topic for me, even now. I’m bawling my eyes out writing this)

My relationship with my dad is kinda weird. I used to be papas little girl when i was little. He was just THE  man for me. I also grew disillusioned with him over the years. A common complaint i used to hear growing up is that he never helped my mum financially regarding me. And seing him star a family and be financially present with my 2 sisters, but just not with me. That hurt. Now it feels so forced when i reach out to him. I need him to send me money so i have to keep a good relationship with him. I like my dad but it just feels forced to me to say that i love him and stuff. 

My relationship with my stepdad wasn’t the best either. I was pretty disorganized, and i hated doing chores. He was pretty severe and very mean at times. He didn’t really liked me. He would say mean things about me being “faul” and “eine dumme Kuh” and that i should go back to my country and my biological dad should take care of me. He used to yell at me a lot.

Now i’m a student, privileged enough to have someone to pay for my tuition, sad enough to still complain. I’m only getting older and i don’t even know what i wanna do with my life. Everything feels like too much. I just wanna crawl in my boyfriends arms and disappear.

I’m 27M. Lost everything. My hopes and dreams have been crushed and I don’t know how to recover. I feel hopeless and I’m close to pulling the plug.

I feel like I don’t understand life. I have the classic Puer childlike view of the world and I hate it. I would do anything to go back and start from the beginning. Can life really get better at 27? I have no college degree and never experienced love. I don’t feel like life is worth living.

(nsfw is just because of the pissing, unsure if it's necessary)

Set up: My friend Alexis is friends with me, Bethany, and our other friend Craig. Craig and I both live in the same neighborhood whereas Alexis lives in a fancy downtown condo.

Yesterday, we all went out clubbing together. We've been out partying maybe 4-5 times before. We were definitely all drunk. All three of us were out socializing and talking to strangers all night.

Even after the club closed, we still ended up hanging out and talking with people until ~4am. Typically, I order the 3 of us an uber to Alexis' house and then Craig and I will chill there for a bit then go to the nearby McDonald's where we will get post clubbing food before heading home.

Alexis met someone that happened to live in my neighborhood, we can call them Daisy. Daisy saw that we were getting in the uber and asked to come along cause she didn't have a ride back. Alexis invited her to come along and neither Craig nor I protested. I told her we were only going to Alexis' place downtown and Daisy said that was fine and she could make her way from there.

Even though I didn't protest, I got mooch vibes from her (probably because of the fact that she was bumming a ride from people half her age) so I wasn't super interested in inviting her with us to the McDonald's pitstop. As an aside, Alexis' place was much closer and was in a much safer part of the city than the club, so we weren't putting Daisy in a worse spot by bringing her there.

So we got to Alexis' place, and Daisy was like "wtf this isn't the right neighbourhood." And I was like "yeah, well Craig is probably a bit car sick and we'll probably just wait around here for a bit", I explained, trying to get her to leave. Unfortunately Craig didn't pick up on the hint and was like "I'm fine to go" and Alexis was apologizing to Daisy and was like "Don't worry Bethany will give you a ride home"

So Alexis went inside to go to bed while the 3 of us waited for the uber outside. It's 5am now and the sun is rising. The uber is 10 minutes away and my phone dies. So we're kind of just waiting around together. Daisy suddenly announces "I'm gonna go pee" and walks around the corner, we presume to go into the front desk of the condo. Craig and I both say "Oh no you can't, it'll be locked". Then the Uber arrives, so we say "The Uber's here let's go" and Daisy says "I'm peeing!" and we both say "hey wtf?" From announcement to pissing took ~7 seconds.

We go around the corner and see her just pissing on the ground on Alexis' driveway. She doesn't have underwear on. The doorman comes out and starts yelling at her (fully validated). The uber is there so we get in. She also gets into the uber. We drive away, and both of us text Alexis explaining wtf just happened.

Alexis is pissed at us (understandably) for how we let this happen, how she's going to get into deep shit because of this, how there's probably going to be a huge fine for it. /End

The money part: Obviously the relationships that are involved are much more important than the money, but I'm also stressed about the money and I know people will ask.

All three of us agree that Daisy should pay. We have her phone number and vaguely know where she lives. But none of us think she actually will, especially if the number's high enough for the next paragraph to be relevant.

I have a minimum wage job and Craig is currently a student. Alexis expects the two of us to both pay half of the fine. Which is whatever if it's like $100, but if it's like $500, that's a much bigger problem for us. Obviously I wouldn't expect Alexis' parents (the condo owners) to pay the fine, but there is a number that Craig and I would be unable to afford. I don't know how to deal with that conversation without it immediately coming across as not wanting to take responsibility.

The social part: I struggle a lot with friendships ig, especially friendships ending. I'm already in a really fragile place because one of my great friends for the past year suddenly ghosted me out of nowhere. My other good friend just left for a 2 month vacation with her family. I also just had a break up, so I'm just not handling any of this stress well.

I've just kind of been crying on and off all day. Alexis has been my good friend for like 3 years now, and it just feels like this is going to ruin it forever. And I just keep cycling between being so sad and angry at her and trying to not care and just wait it out.

I know at some point the 3 of us have to meet up and talk about it. Craig and I talked about it for like an hour last night (~6-7am) and he has a much more level head than me about it. I trust him to explain things clearly. But I also feel like I'll just look terrible for sitting there quietly the whole time. But also I don't know what to say without just making it worse. There's no apologizing for this mess. I also know I won't take it well if Alexis is still very angry at us. I feel like I'll just explode into tears or anger back.

Tl;dr some random drunk lady pissed on my friend's driveway while we were waiting for the uber. My friend blames me for not stopping her. What can I say to my friend to preserve the friendship? What can I do while I wait for them to reach out to me?

I'm 25, and I've realized something that scares me.

Every time someone chooses another person over me or I even think they're losing interest I don't just feel disappointed. I immediately conclude that I'm not enough.

It's not really about one girl anymore. It's happened enough times that my brain has started treating every rejection, missed opportunity, or unanswered text as evidence that I'm fundamentally unlovable.

The strange part is that I know this isn't rational, but emotionally it feels completely real. It turns into intense self-hatred, worthlessness, shame, constant comparison with other people, and the belief that I'll never be enough for anyone.

I'm already in therapy, but I wanted to ask: Has anyone else experienced this? How did you stop tying your self-worth to whether someone chose you romantically?

Am I wrong to believe that if a project isn't feasible anymore and not worth all the time, stress, and money spent on it, it's okay to end it? Projects fail all the time, and the successful ones eventually end along the way. I don't see the point of working on something that's meaningless and just causing pain.

I've been revisiting Dr. K's YouTube videos on depression as I'm going through a depressive episode. I have Dr. K's guide to mental health as well, but I have always found rewatching his YouTube videos to be of more value than the guide.

I'm reaching out to the sub here to see if anyone else resonates with this sentiment or if not, I am curious to know how has the guide helped you? Thank you!

Hi,

Essentially story is my sister struggles with ticks and we were talking about cooking dinner. I asked can she make it and she said no because I might just stick my hand in the pan. I laughed at this because I thought it was a joke because of how bluntly she said it.

She brought up the problem with me (initially with a lot of backhanded comments) essentially saying she was really mad that I laughed at that. I said I'm sorry that it made you feel that way I won't laugh when you bring up that stuff again. She then brought up that I constantly do it which I might do I don't really notice too much at least I remember no negative reactions when I laugh. So I said oh I didn't realise in those situations how would you like me to react? And she said idk but I still want the apology for laughing.

I explained my intention was to make the situation better and thought it was a joke and my intentions were good so I won't apologise for laughing.

It's been a few days and I feel really really conflicted.

A) my intentions were good. I tried reading a cue and hopped on it. I don't control how she reacts to things I say.

B) it still caused a negative effect because of me. While I don't control her reactions what I said was disrespectful looking at it from her perspective. If I tried to help draw someones painting but it ended up looking horrific should I apologise or if someone tried to help someone who was hurt and caused a negative effect should they apologise.

I feel like I should idk I feel a negative feeling I'm not sure what. I also feel like I'm being thick and potentially narcissistic.

Thanks in advance.

I have been tired of having to live with my toxic older sibling. We both live with our parents and we work together on our family's business. I myself have left my job 1 year ago in order to focus more on our family's business. My toxic sibling have also left his job almost 2 years ago. As time went on, my sibling kept on being toxic and immature. He is disrespectful towards me and my parents. Even though my parents have given him everything that they could. My parents also helped him financially even though he already had his own income back when he still had his corporate job. And guess what? He never showed our parents respect, and he liked to blame them for his own mistakes. He also has a really bad temper and never admits his own mistakes. And whenever we try to give ideas, he would always try to oppose our ideas and whenever we disagree with him, he would be upset and gave us silent treatment or he would be passive aggressive towards us, instead of trying to have a proper discussion like how mature adults should do.

I have tried many things to keep myself sane. I have tried to go exercise, trying to focus on my health. I also have tried hanging out more with my friends. I have tried to limit any kinds of interaction with him. Set my boundaries. But still, sometimes, some days are just hard for me emotionally, having to live and work with him. Even after I have been out with my friends, sometimes I felt sad by the end of the day because I couldn't tell them how much I hate my toxic sibling and from a month ago, I have decided to not consider him as my sibling anymore since we had a big fight last month.

Trying to live outside of my parents' house is not possible for me since we live in such a small town and I honestly love the comfort of my house and not having to spend money for rent. Actually I used to have a dream of studying abroad for my masters, but seeing the current job market makes me think that it is not worth the try to go study abroad again. I honestly don't mind if I have to spend money for my master's degree, but if I fail getting a job abroad, that means I would have to go back to my hometown, working with my toxic sibling again. Even finding a job in my own country is also really hard and most jobs are only in the big city; I have experienced living there and I hated it, that's why going back to corporate jobs in my home country is not an option for me if I fail to secure a job abroad (I'm from SEA).

I also have tried to seek advice from the healthygamer youtube channel. Got some quite helpful advice, but still, some days just feel hard for me emotionally. Been also trying to explore new skills like coding and learning a new language, because I have always been someone who likes learning things, but this season of my life, living with my toxic sibling have made me kind of lose my spark(?) Like it's been so hard for me to be consistent with my learning. Sometimes, I would think to myself like, "what's the point of it all? How long do I have to endure this suffering of having to live with my toxic sibling? What should I do with my life? How can I survive out of this? How can I be sure that there would be light at the end of tunnel? Is what I'm learning now the right thing to do?"

What should I do with my life? Thank you for reading this.

I am aware of the general addiction episode and I have listened to it but I am looking for something more specific. Are there any episodes that deal with alcoholism/alcoholics head-on?

​

I've always wanted to be single for life ever since I was 11 but not because I don't feel attraction and desire. I have a rough past. Since childhood. Lots of abuse and rejection. I'm not letting it define my life but it has left it's mark. I'm doing pretty well overall but I just realized I might have to start dating the one arena i was very happy to avoid all my life. Not because I didn't desire anyone or have urges but if I was perfectly fine single, just lonely from time to time, why let anyone take such an intimate position in my life? However it is a stance motivated mostly by fear. I'm a Christian and I have very strong urges, so repressing myself solely out of fear and putting myself in danger of sinning doesn't seem very wise. Not saying a woman is just an avenue of securing pleasure (that is disgusting) but if you get what i mean especially if you're a fellow Christian. You don't even need to be to understand. Allowing fear to be the reason for making such a big decision generally isn't the best but I was comfortable with it because well who cares? Everything else is fine, great even, but if my urges will make me sin and the only thing stopping me from righteously fulfilling those urges is fear, then it starts to paint a different picture.

So now I'm trying to build a vision for the type of family life I want, becoming more social with everyone not just women, trying to figure out the best type of woman for the best type of family life I want, working on comfortability with vulnerability etc. But all of this is so much work that I would actually rather not do. The social skills thing is a given, but I find all the rest absolutely gut wrenching. But it's not because I dislike marriage or the idea of being a family man, I just hate the thought of approaching a woman and dating. And for some reason I immediately feel like a creep just for attempting to check out women discreetly However so I don't make them uncomfortable and I don't oggle. But checking women out in general is something I have effectively conditioned myself for a while to not do and my every thought at approaching any of them is just pessimistic no matter how hard i try. I'm afraid and uncomfortable and I'd rather not do this regardless of my desire. In fact my greatest desire is that attraction to the opposite sex be ripped out of me but alas God won't grant such a prayer so here we are i guess

But I am still curious, does me being scared and deeply uncomfortable mean that I am really not meant to do this? Or am I just hoping that that's what it means and would just be better off confronting my fears?

**A quick disclaimer**
Psychology isn't my field and what I'm gonna say is only based off of my research and personal experience

With that out of the way, let me explain the exercise.

**Problem with existing techniques**
The goal of grounding exercises is to relate to reality in a way which is more realistic, but I feel like exercises like 5-4-3-2-1 isn't very flexible and doesn't do justice to how much a person can possibly feel grounded. Free form journaling is much more flexible but the only problem is that it makes the person much more prone to intellectualization.

**My exercise**
This is a journaling exercise where we write down what is bothering us right now and what are the consequences if the problem is not solved. If there are no consequences, then we'll realize that this wasn't a problem in the first place and we'll feel more grounded. For example, if I fail in a class, then why should I care if there are somehow no consequences. Finally we ask ourselves if we'd still care if these consequences don't apply. This means for example, what if I get a good enough job without passing those classes.
If you'd still care, then find out what are the other consequences you might be missing out. By this time tho, you'd feel much more grounded. However, If you won't care, then tell yourself, for example, "Failing the class isn't the problem but possibility of loosing a good job prospect in the future is the problem".
Then repeat the same exercise where now, the things that are bothering you are the consequences and not the original problem.

**Why I think this would work**
I feel like this exercise reduces the risk of intellectualization by ruling out every consequences that aren't actually relevant. Another benefit of this exercise is that the deeper you go, the more you'd discover what you actually value and truly care about.

What an oversimplified way to look at hate. The whole video was to say "they hate you because they see how you succeed". The identification/recognizing yourself in others yes, but the jealousy is such a dumb thing to believe.

I know what hate feels like, I'm a very hateful guy. But very often it is also because that part that I feel inside me that I recognize in other people just sucks. I don't get that dr K has the conclusion that the hate towards him is based on jealousy. It's such a narcissistic way to view hate. If I hate a part of myself, I will hate that same part of you too. It's not out of jealousy.

or wait

Am I hating because I'm jealous of your calmth of being able to deal with hate? Or is there truth in what I'm saying? Are you able to really see when hate is valid? What about fat people hate, hating lazy people of any people that commit the other sins, or racism, sexism etc?

I (20M), am currently a computer science major. I am going into my 3rd year of university starting this fall. I’ve failed Precalculus 3 times already and failed the intro computer science class 3 times as well. Because I’ve failed so much, I am doing both of these classes over the summer at community college and I am currently failing in both of them as well. My parents won’t let me change majors and if I don’t pass I get kicked out. I’ve been commuting to university for the past 3 years and I have no friends as well, I’ve been scared to make friends because of the fear of them finding out how dumb I am. I am extremely insecure especially since my peers in my major are working internships and such while I am still doing high school math as a 3rd year in university. I’ve been going to the gym since January hoping that would help but if anything it hasn’t done much at all. I really do try studying and staying on top of things but I end up just failing that quiz or exam and I go down from there for the rest of the semester. I’ve messed up so much already I feel like I can’t get the this time back.

I’ve completely lost hope. Any help would be appreciated, thank you.

(TLDR): I am failing in college and I am going to get kicked out

I don't know how to write something like this but i will try my best

I am 17 and become 18 in a couple of months i have been watching porn since 11-12 and masterbating since the 13 it was usually once or twice and in extremely rare cases 4 times

My parents didn't watch my history or look after my internet interactions when i was younger it was at night so usually they were sleeping

I want to stop for religious reasons i am Muslim

And for personal reasons because I feel shame I don't feel worthless but i feel like a loser that i will not become a man

And for medical reasons i want to have a child that has my family name for my parents to know that the name doesnt stop at me they didnt force me i want that

Every time i try to quit i come back the longest was 1 week every time i try to stop and pray i lose when i intend to pray the next day i do it again and again

Even when they caught me multiple times i just became less scared and shamed instead of stopping i just got better at hiding i dont know what to do at this point please i need help i have no one to talk to

I have friends and family but i cant talk to them about this

I even started getting scared that i wont be able to satisfy a wife and have kids if i even become something

I feel the shame i feel like I want to cry. Ithay need to cry but can't I feel tired and satire so please help me

I feel like a waste of time for my parents

i have an important year coming up and it will determine my future

I like gaming electric/coding writing a novle and farming and agriculture an plants

Every try just plummets me deeper so please I am done with this and want to quit i used to go to a gym for 2 mo but stop due to it closing didnt find an alternative bcs the rest are very expensive my situation is medium but the money have better uses so thats it my life my useless life they say i am strong intelligent kind and caring but all for what i am slim fat i have no connection with god or a useful skill i cant look my self at the mirror so please any one with a similar experience please i am all ears thank you if you say sth or no for reading my breakdown i will go sleep now

I’m far down a hole. I don’t see a point in trying anymore. I sleep all day when allowed to. I don’t find joy in anything. No hobby, no satisfaction from accomplishments. As we speak, my friend is visiting me from out of town, but I can’t find it in me to do anything. We’re just sitting around, watching TV, etc. I don’t care about the TV at all. The TV is only on bc I’m not sure what to say or do with my friend, and he deserves entertainment. He came all the way here to vacation with me. It’s been planned for months. And I’m just… nothing. I feel weak, tired, blank. Lust for life is gone. At a loss for words.

Atp we have less than 24hrs before it’s over. I need motivation, need hope. I want to make his time here better. I tried getting up, I cleaned, I got us food, played music for good vibes, set up a game, even went to a bar yesterday. Halfway thru every attempt I was overcome with a need to sleep, no matter what time of day it is or how tired my body actually is. My brain is sleeping get a break from existing. I think this is happening because I have no hope. I tried talking to him about it and in the end, I felt even more confirmed that life is doomed.

Is there a shorter, more concise version of this stream? https://www.youtube.com/live/AiXiyLJz8-U?si=7AH0cI8OZmiJ5y\_9 “Dr K talks Meaning, Purpose, and Motivation”.