r/Healthygamergg

I'm a 32-year-old man. For most of my life, I wasn't living. I was surviving.

Growing up

My father carries his own unhealed wounds — he grew up hurt, and he passed that hurt down. Our home was always tense. He poured his anger onto everyone in the family. My mother, meanwhile, spent years complaining to everyone around her about her miserable marriage. I was the container for both of their suffering.

I learned very early that my needs were a burden and that asking for help was dangerous. So I kept everything inside — my voice, my anger, my sadness. I became very, very good at being quiet.

The collapse

The turning point came in my mid-20s. I was studying for a graduate school entrance exam when my parents' marriage finally fell apart.

My mother had been planning to leave for a long time. She left right after I graduated and found my first job — the day I called her to tell her the news. It felt like her "task" with me was finally done.

Then came the divorce. I was dragged into the center of it. They both stood in front of me, accusing each other. My mother had an affair and left. When I refused to blame everything on her, my father told me to get out of the house and said he was cutting off our father-son relationship.

I felt abandoned by both of my parents — at 25, feeling like I was the extra person in the world, the one with no value. The exam failed. Then came years of fog: jobs that drained me, quitting, starting over, quitting again. I never understood why I kept failing — until recently.

Now

For the past few months, I've had someone to talk to who helps me sort things out.I'm slowly understanding that my "failures" were never because I was broken. They were survival strategies of a nervous system trying to keep me alive. Feeling worthless wasn't a flaw in me — it was a message I was given every day, by the people who were supposed to protect me.

Now I'm 32. I'm learning game development — the first thing I've ever chosen for myself, not for survival. Most people my age have careers, savings, families. I'm starting from almost zero.

Some days I feel like I wasted everything. A voice tells me: it's too late. You should just take a "stable" job and give up on what you actually want.

But deep down, I don't want to give up. So I'm asking here: has anyone else started over like this — at 32, or older? How did you deal with the voice that says it's too late? How do you keep going when you feel like you're behind everyone?

I'm not looking for a guarantee. I'm just looking for someone who understands.

HI so idk if this is a common experience but I TALK a LOT I just talk and talk and I don’t think really before I do it just pours out and then I’m like

Dang it

Why would you say that? How did that even occur to you? Why y you react like that? That joke wasn’t funny at all and they’re all going to hate you and you’re going to get fired / expelled / cut off

And then you just keep thinking that over and over and over for like days and you can’t forget and all the different times it happened add up and then you don’t want to socialize at all bc you’re bound to mess up again

And you don’t want to mess up again

Idk I don’t know how to fix this honestly but it’s eating away at me help pls

Let's say a friend of mine always had a childhood dream of owning a certain sports car. But as he grew up he realized he won't ever make enough money for that. Over the years he accepted it and lost emotional attachment to the car.

Fast forward to today he actually can afford it, but will it still be worth it buying it? He kind of lost interest in it after he accepted that he can never ever have it (which was wrong in retrospect). Maybe if he never accepted that and kept dreaming it would be so much more worth to him.

Would he be able to un-accept and reattach emotionally to his dream? Or is it over as soon as he accepted never owning it?

Hey guys, I'm new here. I believe I need to learn to love myself. Over the years everything has started to feel meaningless. I have things I do, but nothing brings me true enjoyment. I believe I was happy in my last relationship, but that's the only time and I made her unhappy and if I'm the problem I don't want that to happen again. I'm currently dealing with an injury that is limiting my mobility so long walks and significant exercise have been wrote off. Though I do understand exercise can be a significant mood booster. I will also add I am autistic and believe my sensitivity may be relatable to that.

I am currently enrolled in University and deal with a lot of anxiety as I am a 30+ male and the common age gap fills me with some dread. I am going for a 4th year with a 5th year to be had to complete a bachelor of science. The idea of having a degree gives me a sense of hope, but it's been very difficult, my health has caught up to me the past year. I want to do well, but finding people my age that I can connect with hasn't happened and I'm doubtful to find these people.

What can I do to find a sense of happiness for myself? I have my video games, but that only makes me happy when I feel other areas of my life are filled. I believe at my age I should be in a romantic relationship and having a family, I should have a career and a home already.

My thoughts are diet, exercise, music, good grades and whatever social connections I can make. I believe making social connections is going to be a major obstacle (I haven't made any significant connections after 3 years) along with good grades as I will be very busy between school and work.

Any advice is appreciated.

\-Professional\_toe

Every time my parents call, I get upset somewhat. I got upset with my mom earlier because she asked about my internships, and I had to explain that I needed to apply to 200 internships before my university would consider giving me a job or help. Then she went on a tangent: "Oh, that's good", and I don't know why I just got mad. I got upset. I got upset because I immediately assumed my mom thought that was all I knew, and I hadn't already cold-applied to about 100 internships.

I got flashbacks of a time when the level of knowledge on a topic in the family was limited to what my mom or dad knew, so even if I knew more, they wouldn't listen or would try to apply sweeping generalisations or assumptions about the process.

I hear them in my head saying, "You are wrong, you don't know anything, I know better. Always. I can hear my father saying that, "Object Perminence doesn't exist; everything in my perspective is God's word", "I am superior, you are inferior", "My social rank entitles me to higher innate respect and default credulity." "My words are reality", but they never say any of these things.

It's always how conversations go, even if they already apologised or we have moved on. I am afraid they might do something drastic, like they've threatened in the past, like stop paying me to go to school.

I always feel underestimated when I talk to them. They always think I need their help or asking. Even though there's not often anything in their behaviour supporting that.

They'll admit they haven't been good parents in the past, but they try every day to be better, and my heart doesn't want to forget. My heart just doesn't trust them.. Maybe it's an excuse for my anger and anxiety so I don't have to work on it, or it maybes it's resentment because they don't understand the importance of just understanding me.

I don't know. I just struggle to talk to them without getting physically and verbally upset.

I nearly always freeze up when I want to talk with strangers, especially if I feel intimidated by them because they are conventionally attractive. If it's a girl passing me by on the sidewalk, I can't even look in their direction without feeling like my chest is being ripped out. I dare to go to pubs and sit at the bar, but am always terrified to ask for a drink unless the bartender asks me directly what I'd like to have.

I do want to work on improving this skill to talk with strangers, as I looked for advice on YT the most practical/realistic advice I came across was to do an easier version of what you want to achieve like "just compliment them as you walk by" or "simply say hi", and I guess I'm just wondering if there is anything easier than that I could try or is this actually the easiest exercise where I'm just looking at a very long road ahead of me?

To give just a little more context, I do have acquaintances whom I can easily dab up if I ever see them on the street. I do kickboxing, where on the team I feel and act like one of the older guys who help newcomers find their footing in the gym. It's really just something about inserting myself into other people's lives where my mind draws the line.

I'd like some help overcoming my issue of being a seemingly awkward and unsafe person to talk to.

I am worried about how I am around people, even when I am not thinking about how i'm acting and simply hanging out with my friends, I often do things that I get odd reactions from. I often talk about or tell people things that they don't really care about, things like what I am being recommended on youtube, or what I ate today, or how a amazon listing has a strange picture, all of which I would think to be alright conversation topics.

For some insight, I don't really get out much, have no friends in real life, have no hobbies or interests that I'm really great at, and am not much of a character in general. I know that sounds pretty fucking obvious, but I've met people similar to me with similar or opposite circumstances, either having hobbies they're super good at but still being awkward like me, or having no hobbies and never going outside while playing video games all day, but still seem to get along with everyone they meet.

So I want to make sure that I am doing the right thing, and not putting a bunch of energy into something entirely separate from what I want to be working on.

For some background on me, in case it might come in handy when replying:

I'm 18, I have dreams of making a huge story and animation, I am very socially anxious, I often times feel fake, even to myself when trying to journal and talk to myself, I am the middle child, I feel like I can only understand surface level topics of any given media, I don't have any friends in real life, and have only a small amount of friends online who never open up to me or want to call one on one, I feel oftentimes I am "too much to handle", "overbearing" or otherwise too assertive, I feel as if people feel unsafe around me which is something ive been told, and I feel as if ive never really made friends and have only made good acquaintances with people.

I have moved around a lot, and attribute some of this lacking in social skills to that, but I know that I can change wherever I might be. I just don't know what to do about this.

I know that this might uncover a lot of underlying issues, but I thought it might help to know.

Please! Ask questions if you need to if you feel that it will help your understanding and advice.

And thank you!

I know reddit is not a place to get advice, and i don't expect a advice that will change my thinking pattern in a split of second.

I am 25M, I do remote job i don't like it anymore just wanna quit. though Its not like i have any other passion or anything i don't even play games well. the fact is rn i don't even wanna play something, meet someone, have conversation with anyone. but deep down i just wanna cry and vent out. in fact I am doing the same here crying and writing.

I have ADHD diagnosed a year ago as well been on meds but i feel like its pointless its not just meds can help your life its stupid. it feels like I never did anything its like i am always at same point.

when i was school despite failing each class i somehow made it to high school but i failed high school so I had to redo it but even then i had the courage to move the mountain. but rn its just feels like i can't breathe despite sitting in a swarm of oxygen. i just want to quit this game honestly. i wish i could exit this without any consequences. but yeah 'am a coward as well to quit it.

it feels like i am gonna rot here, rot here and cry.

forgive my grammar if i wrote something you couldn't understand, my head is just not working

thanks for reading :)

Hi, I need some advice on how to stop thinking constantly about someone I dates for three weeks. Back in 2023 I dates this girl, whe texted each other all night, play roblox together, and felt a deep conection to her. But she rejected me almost a month after I started talking to her.

She blocked me from almost all social media, and I havent heard anything from for years now, and I mean ABSOLUTELY nothing, she vanished from my life, havent even crossed paths ever again.

The thing is that (and i hope this doesnt sound as crazy), since two years ago, I carry this feeling of her watching me live my life, judging me. Is not like a physical manifestation of her, it feels like if am being stared at by her but I cannot see her. And Also I have this fictional scenerios where, somehow, somewhere and somewhat we meet again, regardless of the situation. Sometimes I even imagine her getting into the same college am studying at.

(I have theorized, but never concluded, this is because of problems with how i see myself, as if I need the approval of her so I can feel enough for anyone else)

It is something I dont want to do, my mind just decides to create all of these scenerios. I ve actually made some work to fix this. I’ve done journaling, talking to someone about this, going on dates with other girls, sitting with myself.

Am an Artist, I like to write and drawing comics. And I have even dedicated my time to create a story about this so I can express the way i feel about this situation. I think I’have had a good progress over this, I feel like she has been slowly being decentered from my life. The problem is that I still feel stared at by her, and my mind still (but slowly letting it go) creates fictional scenerios.

Is there anything more i can do? Is there anything am missing? Or do I just need to go on and continue this process? (I have been doing this like since 6-8 months ago) Thanks for reading my paranoic thoughts!

Does anybody else struggle with this? I hate Christmas shopping with a passion and I think secret Santa is ridiculously stupid. Is there a way to make it less stressful? Thanks.

I've seen many videos on Dr.K talking about adhd, where he says very valuable information, but I've noticed a lack of supplementation discussion.

Which is a little disheartening, because as someone with adhd, I've found immense benefits from well known supplements that many adhd people use including omega 3 and magnesium.

Magnesium specifically has been studied to show a very high deficiency rate in adhd people.

So I'm just curious...why not hear these things from the psychiatrist himself?

20m. I feel like when I was younger, I spent a lot of time in fight-or-flight, but in a weird way, it was also good for me because I was constantly forced to meet people, be around them, interact with them, develop social skills, etc.

Now that I'm an adult, though, I'm out of school, I'm not working because of my anxiety, and I don't hang out with friends that often. I feel like my social anxiety is starting to get worse because I'm not getting that constant exposure anymore.

I don't really know what to do. I keep pushing myself to hang out with friends, but I don't really have money to go out. I'm only not homeless because I still live with my parents. I'm meeting some friends today, but I'm so incredibly anxious about it. It's insane. I genuinely don't know how to overcome this. Everything feels so difficult.

I need to make an appointment to get my eyes checked and update my prescription, get new glasses because these ones are scratched, find a job, make money, get back into school, get my driver's license... and I feel like I'm going to get killed just by leaving the house or something. The fear is that strong.

I miss being a teenager, man. It sucked being scared all the time, but at least I had constant interactions with people. I was around others every day, so my social skills were at least being maintained somewhat. Now I feel like I'm slowly losing that, and I don't know how to stop it. I'm becoming one of those awkward mute people that never talk and have trouble speaking. I sometimes physically cant get myself to get words out, so I just stand there awkwardly smiling. I hate my life man, social anxiety truly has just ruined my life.

So I was talking to my Mom and Grandma the other day and the subject of kids going back to school came up. My grandmother asked me what I thought about school and I said I never really liked it that much which surprised her. I told her I liked seeing my friends, but school wasn't the only way I could hang out with them.

She then asked me what my earliest memory of school was, and it brought a very potent memory to mind.

In kindergarten I went to a Catholic school. We were in class one day doing I think either a math or cursive writing assignment. Suddenly I really had to pee so I went up to the teacher to ask her if I could use the bathroom.

She said that I couldn't leave to go use the bathroom until I'd finished my assignment. So I scrambled to finish it, all the while my bladder feels like it's bursting. Eventually I did finish, and she let me go.

I practically ran to the bathroom, I got to the stall, and then before I could get my pants down, I accidentally peed myself.

So embarrassingly, I got the attention of one of the staff in the hallway, told them what happened, and they called my dad who picked me up and took me to a clothing store to buy me some pants to wear.

When I told this story, both my Mom and Grandma were a little shocked. I asked them if what the teacher did was mean or not, and my Mom basically said that it was a slap her across the face for making me wait to use the bathroom kind of mean.

I can see how an early experience like this might make me dread going to school, and then sort of create a self fulfilling prophecy as I got older where I engaged less and less in school, and didn't really think highly of any of my teachers.

What do you think?

I (F18) have an older brother, let's call him Ray (M20). He's a good guy: intelligent and kind. But what he did to me still hurts.

When I was about 11 and he was 13, Ray went to walk the dog, and I left him locked outside for about 15 minutes. It was an accident. I closed the door and went to take a shower. Then he opened the door with a towel on, and angrily demanded, "Why did you leave me outside?!" Then he pushed me into the kitchen. My head hit the refrigerator, and I was left n4ked and dizzy on the floor. I thought Ray would help me, but he just glared at me and left. He could have killed me.

About four years later, something else happened. I started working out, but my parents wouldn't let me go to the gym alone, so I had to go with my brother Ray. I was 15 then, and he was 17. I have big thighs and I'm not very tall, so I'm naturally slow when I walk, and that bothered him. He'd say things like, "I don't like going to the gym with you," or he'd make a face when I started getting ready to go with him. When i tried to go faster sometimes bumped into someone and Ray would criticize me for it. Maybe it doesn't sound like much, but his rejection hurts me deeply. Because of him, I asked my parents not to pay for my gym membership so I could exercise at home instead. Because of my brother, I gave up something I loved.

A few months ago, I told him how much the things he did hurt me, and he apologized. I know he's sorry because we love each other, but i don't think it was enough. Every time he gets angry or bitter, I get scared and want to cry, but I know consciously that he won't hurt me. I'm aware that a young person tends to be impulsive because their brain hasn't fully developed or something like that, but I still feel resentment and pain over what happened. What should I do?

So i just turned 30 this year and this is killing me! I’ve always been the goody good guy, obedient, studious, ethical, etc. And i got squat! Nobody to count on, no friends, just me and my thoughts! Porn and food are always at my rescue but deep down i know they have sucked my youth away! Fat af so can’t look myself in the mirror, there goes self-esteem for a toss! When i feel people talk to me and want to be friendly with me i feel there comes a silence and emptiness that shoo them away! I read a lot of self-help but still end up asking for advice from people younger or dumber than me, which makes me even more dumb! Can’t bottle my emotions so always tend to be real rather than diplomatic! Cant just cant ben consistent with anything for over 3 days! Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

So I have a feeling this could be contrroversial especially depending on how I say it. This is not to say to push people's boundaries when they have communicated it clearly and before people jump in with extreme examples, I'm not disagreeing that we should respect when people say no and take their no as an answer, this is not an excuse for entitlement.

I'm tired of the narrative that basic enthusiasm or expectations automatically equal "pressuring" someone or you have to be overly accommodating for it. Hear me out, to be very clear in most cases pressure and expectations are only a problem if your boundaries are weak, and I'm not talking about more extreme cases where people are being coerced and there's deep psychological stuff at play and people are guilt tripping you, although you can argue that even if people are guilt tripping you can still have strong boundaries, that doesn't frustrate me as much though and it's a lot more understandable.

The problem that I've seen time and time again is a lack of boundaries and lack of communications skills framed as "you're pressuring me." I've even seen dynamics where enthusiasm or excitement for something is taken as pressure and it's basically implied that you need to lower it, you need to be less expressive of your desires of your passion towards something, instead of people taking accountability for their lack of boundaries and being like "hey I get it you really want to do this X thing but it's not happening." And it doesn't have to be sexual it can be anything honestly. People often mistake the internal guilt of saying 'no' with external force from the person asking.

In these contexts that I've described, there's a level of victim mentality and deflection which I'm tired of, and if you've been around people pleasers you know exactly what I mean, it's very frustrating to be around people who you have no intention of pressuring, you're not attempting to get them to do anything and being told you're doing that because they percieve any repetition as pressure when there was no clear communication involved from their side. I think we often times fall into enabling such dynamics, such behaviors, because we take on the responsibility of guessing, making sure people are comfortable and what happens then? they don't learn anything, they don't learn to set boundaries because we keep them comfortable because we take on more of the responsibility.