r/Healthygamergg

I'll try to be brief. I'm a man with a rather high libido and a preference for trying to maximize physical pleasure during sex. Being male, my sexual experience basically ends after a brief, 3-5 second orgasm that sometimes isn't even that good. I always had this vague idea that women can have much more sexual pleasure than men, but once I learned about multiple and extended orgasms I started feeling real envy. You're telling me there's women out there who regularly have multiple in a single session, each of which can last for over 10x longer than I've ever had? At the most extreme I've read accounts of women who can literally keep an orgasm going for an hour or longer, and that they absolutely love every second of it.

That alone would be enough to make me feel envy in a "damn, I can only imagine how good that is" kind of way. Except that's not my situation. I won't go into detail because TMI but about 10 years ago I had a single orgasm that was... Far beyond anything else I've ever had before. I've heard lots of women describe what their orgasms can feel like, and until that one night I didn't quite understand what they meant. All their descriptions were basically what I felt that one single time, and it all made sense. I got the smallest taste of the heights of pleasure that some women have as regularly as eating and it makes me burn with envy.

How do I handle this envy? I don't want it to affect my relationships and given how I tend to treat sex I know I'll be wanting to bring any woman I'm with to those heights and will thus have to confront it directly.

https://preview.redd.it/f3cbbixruguh1.jpg?width=479&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2c55d365347e000ffe46413a21209c093a5f8d65

Recently, there has been a trend on Twitter showcasing Draco Malfoy gender-bent into a cute, tsundere blonde anime girl. It was flooding my Twitter feed, and tbh, I thought it was just another gender-bent thirst trap like Bowsette or the Samsung girl.

After doing a deep dive into this trend, I can safely say it's one of the most refreshing pieces of media to go viral on the internet lately. I really enjoy the short comics between "Malfoid" and Harry Potter. Ironically, it even revived my motivation to continue writing my own OC story featuring a tsundere girl.

What I found surprising, though, is how many comments are from guys yearning to have a girl like Malfoid. I can definitely relate to them. I once liked a girl who was also interested in me. I thought it would be as simple as an anime show or a movie, but in reality, it didn't work out well.

Another reason for this yearning might be that dating nowadays can feel overwhelming, and it seems like there are a lot of arbitrary rules determining whether someone is worth being with. Meanwhile, Malfoid just seems clingy, teasing, annoying, and cute. The whole situation just makes me feel like that GIF of Ryan Gosling lying in the snow.

What do you guys think? Has anyone else felt this kind of dating fatigue or related to this trend?

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I’m a big fan of Dr. K, and after seeing the interview with the person who spent $50k on dating coaching, I related to him enough that I wanted to share my own experience. I wanted to make this post because I just wanna move on from this and I hope that people in this community can offer me some support and not judge me for the choices I made.

Just for context I am a 28 male, and have been single for almost two years now. I have had one long term relationship in my life and a few casual hookups. But truthfully I don't have a lot of experience with women. I can't tell you how many people tell me how attractive I am. But when I tell them that my dating life is a struggle they get very surprised and almost dismissive of me thinking that I shouldn't struggle just cause of my looks. I got made fun of it as well.

I too am someone that struggled a lot when I was younger, I didn't have any friends with high school and had terrible social anxiety to the point where I actually could not leave my house. A relationship is something I always wanted but just couldn't seem to get. I remember starting in college and I was very awkward and it was just a terrible experience.

Around my early 20's I discovered the world of coaching and I did something I never did, which was I joined a dating coaching program. Long story short but that program actually really helped me and that's how I met my first and only girlfriend. The breakup was messy but we broke up around 2 years ago. After we broke up I joined another dating program while I was travelling Europe and the program also helped me. At least in terms of getting hook ups and casual flings. But I realized that wasn't my thing and that I as a person and much more inclined to be in a committed relationship than anything casual.

Yet I still never had that normal happy healthy relationship that I always wanted. So last July I hired another dating coach. I knew he was expensive ( he charged $1500 for services) but in my mind I believed this person would offer me so much value that I would never need to hire another dating coach. But yeah I wanted this person to help me find a relationship but I am very single. Long story short I gave this person $9,000 over the span of 6 months and basically got nothing from it....

There are a boat load of reasons why this person didn't help me and i'll get into them. But one of the first things that this person told me was to go out more and talk to more women. At the time I didn't really think that advice was extraordinary for the money he charged. But I did it anyways, and I was ( and still am) was able to get dates. But they just never progressed anywhere.

Looking back, a lot of his advice was terrible which i'll summarize.

1. One of the first things he told me is that I should act like a fuck boy ( which I'm not) if I wanted a relationship. So he told me to never be upfront about your intentions ( he knew I was looking for something long term) but he said if a girl asked me what I was looking for tell them I was looking for a hookup. He also told me to always give the girl the impression that you just want to have sex with them even if you first met them lol. He said the reason for this is that women will take you more seriously the less seriously that you take them.
2. The coaching he gave me was inconsistent in a sense that early on we talked about not tolerating disrespect and walking away from women if they're being disrespectful. But he encouraged me to pursue women even when there were obvious red flags, disrespect, or lack of interest, and then blamed me when things didn’t work out.
3. It also seemed like he didn't really see women as people. It just seemed like he viewed them as objectives. There was this one time around Halloween where there was this super drunk girl and she was all over me, we all know the kind. I did not put my hands on this women she was the one that came onto me. We ended up hanging out a bit after and then I dropped her off. But I swear I did nothing sexual with her. This coach of mine told me I should have gone for it and that I have a "closing" problem. I had to tell him again that she was drunk and he told me if it was easy i should have gone for it....

But I guess the part about it is that's most upsetting is that I trusted this person and was vulnerable with him and he genuinely misguided me and gave me bad advice which further prevented me from getting the relationship I always wanted and I really can't tell if he was trying to help or just milk me for as much money as possible.

I stopped working with him at the beginning of this year and had to unlearn a lot. That was a low point for me and I had a lot of panic attacks when I realized all these things. Since then, I’ve focused on having standards, being authentic, and building a life that isn’t centered around dating.

Yet through it all I STILL didn't get the relationship I wanted and still cannot get a 2nd date. I met someone in June and it's just like the date went to well, our personalities clicked very well, we had great chemistry, and had so much in common, plus I was very attracted to her. I didn't work out with her either I guess cause of timing she was a first year medical resident and was working 10-12 hours a day. I do realize know that dating her probably wouldn't have been the most ideal situation for me cause of that. But still I really cannot remember the last time my personality clicked so well with especially a woman, like that's rare.

At this point I really cannot think of anything that i'm doing wrong that's preventing me from getting a 2nd date. I made a lot of mistakes when this person coached me but I think I largely fixed it. There's still a part of me that wants to hire another dating coach because I still have the same issue. But I just don't think it's worth it anymore.

I told myself that I didn't want to be single for years and it's been almost two years since I really dated anyone. I changed a lot since then and I tell myself that it's not the end of the world. I reached a point in my life where I can actually say i'm happy, i'm happy being single. But I just can't help but think how disappointing this has been for me especially since i've done everything in the past year to not be single.

But yeah that's everything for me, If anyone wants more clarity or can even offer me any insight into my struggles that would be helpful

TL;DR: I spent about $9,000 on a dating coach who gave me a lot of manipulative and genuinely disturbing advice. I trusted him because I was vulnerable and wanted a relationship, and realizing afterward that his guidance may have actually made things worse was really painful. I’ve since unlearned a lot, built a much happier and more authentic life, yet my dating life is still a struggle. I’m trying to stop treating being single as a problem I need to “fix” with another coach.

High school and college are the last time that you will be around peers your age and when women will be forgiving if you don’t know basic dating skills like flirting. Afterwards it’s not only infinitely harder to date but the women you date will expect you to have some level of experience and will not have the patience to teach you if you did something wrong. Many people will claim that you can get experience later on but the dating market is very unforgiving if you don’t already have experience. It’s like trying to get a job without any experience at a later age. It’s a giant red flag and nobody has the patience to teach you job etiquette especially when so many people out there have held jobs before.

After I die I will never experience anything ever again

That is the most horrifying thought to me

No thought in the entire world can ever produce fear like that thought does to me

Knowing that after I die nothing will ever happen to me ever again scares me like nothing else can

I recall sitting in class and then genuinely starting to breath heavily and feeling my legs turn to jelly after realising that reality and people turning around to see what's wrong with me

What advice do you guys give me?

I'm from India, 23M. I live in a village with my family watching over our farm. After getting continuous suicidal thoughts I went to a therapist and got diagnosed with NPD, OCPD, comorbid anxiety with Dysthymia. I've only gone 2 sessions.

The issue is no one in my circle believes that I'm suffering from these disorders. I for a fact 100% know I have these because they ruin my career, personal life etc. I have had these symptoms since childhood but thought it was just a trait not disorder since I don't have any history of physical abuse or having a major traumatic event. It has been since my dad died (2023) these symptoms grew on me. I've tried my best to distract myself by working and watching what I love, cinema. But now I don't enjoy anything, other than enjoying it I simply hate living among these people.

My family, employer(friend), friends(Msc PSY graduates) brings arguments like

"It's just our mindset, if you think you have a disorder you'll have it so just stop thinking like this"

"you have nothing, this is called second year syndrome where you research stuff and think that the symptoms match your traits"

"every human is a combination of everything, everyone has npd, ocpd, even I follow unhealthy perfectionism it's not a big thing"

"anxiety attacks are just a myth just face the situation with confidence, sorry but it seems like you are not manly and have low testosterone check for that instead"

"Don't use this gimmick, being suicidal isn't a joke and can't be used as an excuse to resign the work, and I can see you aren't showing suicidal symptoms it's not visible"

"Even I get depressive episodes, but I don't rant like you because I move on. But you seem to be stagnant and ruminating the thoughts, it's just your mindset not a big thing just take a short break and come back to work"

"Don't speak like this to other people they'll think you have some mental disorders or assume you as a retard, if they think that our family image will get spoiled don't be a pussy"

"psychology and psychiatry are scams, therapy is a scam just follow the path of god.. following atheism is the main problem you have, just visit the temple and stay for a while speak with people and there'll be no depression"

"psychiatrists will diagnose disorder for anybody, and suggest medication, even as a psychologist I can't trust them. If we diagnose, everyone in the world will be diagnosed with one disorder or another. Even if psychiatrists see small traits they'll label it as disorder. You can't trust a questionnaire. Getting misdiagnosed is common in this field"

"good sleep and physical activity will solve everything there's no disorder, just cope like everyone else it's called life"

"there are people who suffer financially and are still happy, compare yourself with them. Your situation is nothing compared to others, how come they aren't suffering from any disorder? because they have strong will, just use your brain"

etc etc

Literally no one is there to understand me other than strangers in reddit. India is the worst place you'd ever wish to be when you have mental health issues. How to make them understand this is a real thing? Even psychology graduates are saying the same. Are they taking it lightly because I had masked the symptoms well in my past? Will they only understand my argument if I finally die out of depression? I guess even then they won't understand how the individual human brain works and still berate me for being a pussy just like how they berated my father when he died. Please help me. How to efficiently make them understand and counter the arguments

I recently had a discussion with my therapist that essentially boiled down to her saying "I can't be responsible for improving your condition." I do actually agree with her on this; I've found myself in the bind of trying to improve another person's life and was entirely ineffective no matter how hard I tried. It just seems to be true that no combination of external forces/circumstances can cause a person to come to what must be an internal 'realization,' but what happens when a person finds that, despite all their effort they're unable to change the foundational conditions of their suffering?

It feels like the essential precondition to healing is having a belief in the value of life, one that I don't have yet hoped to have been able to acquire in interfacing with the mental health care system. But this is a spiritual belief, a faith one must have in life, and arguments have no authority in the realm of spirituality. But if what I'm missing is this vague yet fundamental belief that life is inherently good and worth living, then no amount of therapy/psychiatry seems like it will ever genuinely move the needle. One of the most foundational premises of mental health care is that no one is beyond help, but does this premise depend on an understanding that all people possess this belief somewhere inside them? Because I don't believe I do, and if I don't then I'm sure there are many others like me who don't either.

To personalize these questions, I've been in therapy for around six years, seen multiple therapists on a weekly/bi-weekly basis, have tried a confluence of various psychiatric medications, attended a psychedelic-assisted-psychotherapy program, all the while making many changes in my life including my own gender & hormone profile, and yet I find my both my depression and levels of cognitive distress largely unaffected compared to when I began. My reason for starting & continuing to pursue this process has been that if I want to end my suffering my only alternative is to end my own life, something that I lack reasonable means to pursue and so found to be quite unsatisfactory. But I feel like now I've come to the realization that the mental health system can't help me, and I find myself at a loss for how to move forward without simply accepting the fact that my life will be one of continual suffering.

Any advice here is appreciated, as well as if anyone has any input on the questions I posed regarding the mental health system I would be happy to hear them.

21MtF, ADHD, ASD, OCD, Mild PTSD, compulsive sexual behavior, addiction to pot, maybe some cluster B traits. It’s a bad combo.

I have been in a trauma spiral for four years, since 2022. I dropped out of high school the same year because I couldn’t produce any work and was never able to do so.

I have, what I gather to be, a very severe problem with utilizing my executive functions. I started failing all my classes in the sixth grade and it never improved no matter how much support I got. Medication doesn’t help, I can’t even clean myself consistently.

The problem is that the situation is impossible, there is seemingly no way out. In order to improve I would have to deal with the several, individually very impairing, emotional problems that plague me on a daily basis. I cannot summon the will or consistency to do this while also having ADHD, because it’s very difficult and I am functioning on a limited energy supply, so in order to face those emotional issues I would need to have dealt with the dysfunction first. But I can’t deal with that, my reward system is fried from the drug/porn use, and the emotional issues make utilizing strategies for executive dysfunction distressing and energy intensive. There’s just screaming in my head whenever I try to do something because my self-esteem issues are so bad, utilizing strategies for executive dysfunction causes immediate and overwhelming feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness. It makes me feel stupid and broken.

I can’t quit my vices or make progress on my emotional issues because of impairment related to ADHD, but I can’t assist that impairment without having first dealt with the vices and emotional issues.

So I’m stuck making reddit posts instead of making progress because the only thing I can do is plead for help online. It’s all I know how to do, roll the dice that someone somewhere has a piece of advice that will get the ball rolling and save me. I have no other hope.

I have a therapist and a psychologist, neither of them are particularly helpful. How could they be when I can’t help myself? I have been in therapy since the first grade and haven’t found it particularly useful in helping me, though I only recently developed a full understanding of the problems extent (I only knew about the ADHD until this year)

I can’t make myself do anything, no matter what advice is given one could always ask “yeah, but how do I do that?” There is no piece of advice so good that I can’t avoid doing it.

I also can’t really wait to get better, I’ve done nothing for years. I have medical debt, I need to raise a lot of money for surgery over the next few years. I can’t just wait to be ready, but I can’t do anything about it.

My life as it is right now is not worth living. I cannot act on the parts of my thinking I most identify with, I feel like an animal.

How am I supposed to act to my own benefit when the parts of me that dictate my behavior aren’t receptive to what I know to be the best course of action? How do I make changes when I can’t listen to myself?

Following an incident in 2019, I developed what was described as a grade 2 herniated disc in my lower back. The doctors told me it was nothing serious and that I did not need physiotherapy. They simply gave me some exercises to do. Over the next two years, however, my condition gradually worsened, and I repeatedly injured my lower back. I experienced episodes of severe stiffness, pain radiating into my legs, sensations of coldness, tingling, numbness, and other symptoms.

Eventually, I consulted a well-known doctor and started physiotherapy on his recommendation, but I did not notice much improvement. The rehabilitation specialist suggested Pilates. I have been doing Pilates for five years, and it has helped me a great deal.

That was the case until January of this year. I slipped on ice but did not fall; I managed to regain my balance by using the muscles in my lower and upper back. In doing so, however, I strained those muscles and went through a period of severe stiffness and pain. Since that day, the left side of my lower back has never fully loosened up.

The discomfort eventually eased, and I carried on with my life. Then, in July, my lower back seized up while I was reaching for a coffee cup on a table. Since then, I have been dealing with countless problems that have never fully resolved. Based on what doctors and physiotherapists have told me during this time, a nerve in my lower back is highly sensitive and in a constant state of alarm, I have bursitis in my hip, and I also have an inguinal hernia. As a result, every day involves some combination of pain and discomfort. I have not had a single peaceful moment since July. It has felt like constant torture.

As for the psychological side, during the two years following my initial injury, I unknowingly began restricting my movements. This led to changes in my posture and the way my body functioned. Some of my muscles became very weak because I was no longer using them regularly, which contributed to frequent injuries. For example, because I barely used my lower back, bending forward to pick something up from the floor would trigger pain, even if the object was light. As a result, I have not bent forward for five years. My fear is now so intense that, even with support from a doctor or physiotherapist, I can only bend forward about 15 degrees.

I also cannot run or jump, and this prevents me from taking part in most sports. I suppress my sneezes because I believe that sneezing freely will injure my lower back. If I absolutely have to sneeze, I first press my lower back firmly against a wall or the back of my seat so that it feels supported and secure. The same applies to coughing.

I cannot carry anything heavier than 4–5 kilograms, and I cannot pick anything up from the floor. Sometimes, I am afraid even when I am simply about to sit down.

Over these seven years, I have taken anti-anxiety medication and attended therapy. The medication helped at the time, but it did not enable me to challenge my fears. It only allowed me to feel less anxious in situations where I already felt safe. Therapy helped me in almost every other area of my life, but it did not help with this particular issue. The main reason is that I seem completely unable to work through this fear; my mind simply cannot relax when it comes to movement and the possibility of injury.

My biggest goal this year was to regain the movements I had lost, but instead, I now feel as though I am back where I was five years ago. My physiotherapist says this fear is called kinesiophobia, but I cannot find a therapist near me who specialises in it. What kind of expertise or specialisation should I look for in a therapist to help with a situation like mine?

I am nearing the end of my current course of physiotherapy, but I do not feel that I have made any progress. My physiotherapist says I will need treatment for a long time, but I do not think I can afford to continue for an extended period.

To be honest, I feel completely helpless. My life has turned into a constant suffering, and all I want is a little relief—a chance to rest. I’m exhausted from putting in so much effort. I feel overwhelmed by not being able to live a normal life, by constantly depending on others, and by living in constant fear. I don’t know what to do anymore...

I’m 23 and I don’t have a single particular goal. I have a bachelors degree which was five years long.
I still have zero passion to do anything in this field. I don’t have a single skill which will get me, Money. I have done Moderate work in my field as internships, and each employer had a feedback that I was not hard-working enough. I read it somewhere that you have to be extremely intolerant to things, which do not align with your goals.
I have no purpose in life which I am passionate about. I like adventure, but I don’t have money everything. I like money is the factor which prevents me from doing these things. I don’t know which skill I should upgrade so that it gets me the money, or which is lucrative. I am a perfectionist and its stopping me from exploring new avenues or even stick to the field i have a degree in. Most of my days are spent doomscrolling, i wake up, scroll, breakfast, try to make plans and schedules to study, lunch, watch a series for a couple of hours and then go to gym, getting ready commute, workout takes about 4 hours, come home tired from gym, shower dinner doom-scroll and continue the show, watch porn or doom-scroll and sleep and i have done nothing productive.

This would be the case if i were working, majority of time at work not doing anything meaningful then scrolling in the office due to monotonous work home gym sleep, thats it.

I dont want to spend my time gaslighting myself into doing grunt work for the sake of it and not doing anything that makes me feel alive.

What was the defining moment in your lives when you knew what you wanted to do, found your purpose in life and what makes you happy? Does Money make you happy? Does it make you miserable?

Are we used to romanticise everything we do , is there any real meaning to all this or are we just performing our respective roles, and bound by obligations of family society, is there any authenticity in our actions and what does true authenticity mean, is it what we believe to be true, or is it what society has told us to believe to be true.

Hii, for past 1,2 months i totally stopped playing pc games , today i downloaded residental evil 9 but after playing for 5 to 10 mins , i was experiencing motion sickness type of feeling . Few months before also i stoped playing because of this same issue . I don't know why this is happening only while playing games . Do anyone suffered this same situation? Need help. I was not a hardcore gamer before only played 2,3 hrs a day max