r/Healthygamergg

I have been in one relationship and 2 situation ships after all this I have come to the realisation i don't crave any emotional support from women as i think I'm okay with myself i can handle my emotions pretty well, what I crave is for physical intimacy I have zero options right now for casual flings , as an average guy it's hard to find hookups but I do feel like I want to be desired by many women at the same time even having normal chats with 5 girls at the same time give me an ego boost what am I suffering from or is this normal. Whenever I'm talking to someone and I get the vibe i can not have any type of physical intimacy with them I'm turned off even though I have not hooked up with someone. But I want to feel like how does it feel like to be desired by many women at the same time.

Hi, so im 17F and the dude I bullied is also 17M. At first, I would like to acknowledge. I'm not sure if this is bullying. You can judge yourself after I tell the story

. I was bullied in my previous school, and I had no firends. i was really isolated, but I really made it my goal to not give up to keep trying to change and improve because I knew i was a weirdo and that's why people didn't like me so i had to change, well then i went to high school, and i was mostly liked but if there was any issue i would want to lean from that to be better.

i was involved in multiple dramas in our class, i am really impulsive nd i have anger issues, so yeah, tho after asking a few people around me what i could've done better for these situations to happen, I got so feedback critisising me so I'm aware that yeah there must be a reason why im getting easily into conflict and it is defidenetively something i need to work on

There is this dude that's really an asshole most of the people in my clas laugh at him and just talk behind his bak how weird he is, well i mostly avoided doing that, once at the board game i had with friends, he forcefully tagged along, and what i mean by forcefully, he was asking enough times that the time girl at our table eventually said sure. While we were playing, he started to change our rules and say he won, he won, where everyone was getting annoyed but complained anyway, I said "no fuck you, this isn't your game, you are playing by our rules" he got kicked out of the game because i waslo insisted to stand our ground and not willing to bend the rules just for that asshole. there were few ore instinces like this and he went to the teacher saying im bullying him and setting people agaist him, which well is mostly untrue most people didnt like him i just wanted to say it to his face because when i was bullied in my other school nobody would say what i do is wrong to my face and i didnt know what to change about my self, so i prefer to say to him ven in a mean way what he is doing is wrong rather than comply and talk badly about him. Now the teacher said im the bad guy, and I can't even critisize hi as he insults me for being fat. I know I did wrong, and I know im doing bad right now because I'm talking about him behind his back. After all, he truly pisses me off. One more thing, during the math lessons I always try to correct others' mistakes on the board, I know it might seem a little annoying, but most of the people don't mind it and even appreciate it. I don't correct like big mistakes they do, I just say "hey, you did that calculation wrong" cause if the math teacher sees it, she'll just insult you for being a dumbass. Anyway, whenever I tried to say "dude, you are making the same mistake again," he'd flip out or ignore me. I know I could stop, but he was doing the same exercise for 20 minutes, and I wanted to do the next, so I wanted to speed it up. He just gets insulted because his ego is too high

. I don't know its hard for me to let go... Most of the class said I'm right, but still im the only one that has problems with that dude cause i only truly spoke agaist him. Oh, and also, he is treated like a child because he has autism, which pisses me off more because I know people who have autism, and they do not act like spoiled rich brats. I have ADHD, so it's just unfair that people with autism are treated like special smart kids while im only treated like a problem

. Sorry for such a rant. I genuinely want to listen to advice or critisizm cause i dont want to be the bad guy in this situation

edit:
I read through the comment, and I have to admit I am the asshole. I feel really bad cause i got bullied and now I kinda became one, and well, it's hard because I never wanted to be this way. It doesn't matter if the dude is mean or if he insults others, I shouldn't speak in such a way about him if I know im more liked and it can turn others agaist him. But to be honest, it just pissed me off that everyone was encouraging him to act a certain way and everyone would laugh behind his back; it's just cruel, and I thought that telling him to his face was a better way, but I am also a bad person to him. It's my fault. It's my fault he felt the need to go to the teacher and ask for help; he probably felt really shitty and didn't understand why I'm insulting him like this. I'm at least glad even tho it's hard to deal with my anger issues, I truly apologized to him, and I am trying to change. And even happier I am that he managed to kind of change too, and he has a few friends now, the only thing is that they all laugh at him behind his back, but that is not my problem to solve.

But still it confuses me cause when I tried to talk to anyone about this, they see the situation and say that I did a lot of bad things, but say that I am not in the wrong.

(I wanted to aslo he was, he was bullying in his prevoius my now best friend to the point my best friend was scared to go to school)

Context:
So I'm about to turn 20, and I have been looking back at all of my close friendships so far, which is fewer than 5.

Since I rarely meet someone new (both online and offline), I can become quite obsessed with every relationship I have. I'm fine with having colleague-type relationship, because I can act docile around people I don't know, but when I do become friends with someone, I start to have this 'love hate' relationship with them. They have started distancing themselves from me after months or years.

Because of that 'love hate', I sometimes say rude things or act rude, or show what I want from them more obviously as I get more comfortable. It started from respect, and then, as I grow closer to them, my respect drops, and sometime I either hate them or really, really like them, I did have crushes on like more than half of my close friends, and it turns into a situationship sometimes, it's exhausting on occasion but that is not what this is about.

My respect drops because they stopped aligning with my values, and with one very close friend, I feel like they don't really respect me based on the stuff they have said in recent years. It could just be in my head. But they are not bad people in general, so I could be nitpicky. At the same time, I still need them because I have no choice. Well not really, I do have a choice, but it's hard for me to make new friends that turns to close friends.

I look at my dad, who seems to be really content with his relationships. My mom died when I was 14 and he is not really interested in having another relationship. With his friends, he speaks to them like 1 time per 1-3 months, and he meets new ppl through playing tennis. But he does exhibit narcissist traits. Overall, he's not really interested in having friendships/relationships, and I wonder how much did he influenced me.

I then asked myself: If I was rich, and didn't have to care about money, would I still care about my friendships?

No, not really? I think? I feel like I need to network with people, I need to have relationships in order to survive, and that's what mom's family side always told me and that's how they do things as well. So my close friendships feels like I'm using all of them. They don't owe me anything and I don't owe them anything, but I feel like I get more out of them and I think I have these friendships, just in case I need them for some specific stuff.

If I had money I would just buy a small house with large land near nature and I can entertain myself pretty well. Or I would just travel with my family. And my business overall does fulfill the top of the needs hierarchy, but not the safety one yet. And that's where things kinda fall apart, I think.

Questions:
Since I don't have many friendships, and I can become obsessed with each person I know, I wonder how does a healthy close friendship looks like? Should I just have casual friendships for my own sake in order not to become obsessive? Should I have colleague relationships only? Can a human be okay with casual friendships? Is it necessary to have close friendships?

I don't know why I'm not feeling fulfilled in the 'connection with other people part' of my life, whether it's because of money, the nature of my friendships, or just who I am. So I am open to others perspective on this.

I got to preface this that this is not my problem, but I'm helping some people right now with "overcoming" their social anxieties.

So what I noticed is that oftentimes they are really anxious about how their behavior makes them unpopular in a group of people, but the aspects of their behavior that they worry mostly about are so irrelevant and neutral while socializing. Meanwhile they confidently make huge mistakes in social settings that make them really unpopular.

So for example they worry that people will start to hate them for not having watched (and not knowing about) the latest Netflix series. Or they worry about not knowing the answer to a question in class. They will fear being an outcast if something like this happened. But then again they will happily say hurtful things to their friends or be a general nuisance towards the group, which will eventually make them end up unpopular and alone.

I really wonder about how this cognitive dissonance comes to be. Worrying and ruminating so much about completely irrelevant social aspects, but then again alienating themselves by absolutely inadequate behavior. Has anyone of you observed something similar? What is the reason for this? And what can I do to help them better?

In a video about trauma, Dr. K discussed how, in a family in which one parent was abusive and the other was loving, the hardest thing to do is allowing yourself to show anger towards the loving parent. You feel so ashamed of being angry towards a person you love, that it turns into shame and you turn it inwards, beginning to hate yourself.

But... what if both your parents are the loving parent?

That's my life, and it sucks because of what they did to me.

It feels incredibly selfish and rude of me to feel angry at my two loving parents, who worked and provided, but I know I need to feel angry and hold them accountable for what they did to me.

They created an overprotected, anxiously-attached, people-pleasing, fawning, ineffectual young man, with no experience when it comes to the real world.

It's like a monkey who always got carried by both their parents when it needed to climb a tree. Now, it struggles to do it alone, because it never exercised that capacity.

And I loathe them for it. I hate that they took important formative opportunities from me. There are many I'm still insecure as it comes to it, because I never got to actually do them on my own and learn.

I never got gut punches from the world, so now, they hit extra hard. I was deprived of due contact with society *as it is*, and now, I'm struggling.

They robbed development from me with their love, and I will confront them.

I need to grow up already.

Social anxiety is framed as false beliefs about how you're perceived and so the solution is exposure, to go out into uncomfortable situations and learn that you aren't broken. But mostly when I do that, I do find signs that people truly begin to dislike me. It will be fine in the beginning, but after some time things shift. At a conference the best case is I will talk to someone and the conversation is fine but it just kind of goes nowhere and fizzles out whereas other people somehow build a rapport and keep going. Maybe I say something too political, or too weird or just don't have the right filter and the vibe starts to shift - maybe they slowly try to leave the conversation, or it just doesn't work. Someone who was friendly one day becomes cold the next. Then I know I've done something wrong, but I never know what, and they would never tell me.

I tried working with therapists earlier but its a totally artificial environment with them, i don't behave the same with them because I'm not afraid of being judged as much, im not trying to get them to like me so much, and they don't judge me the same as normal people do. I have worked on my social skills to some extent and they are decent I would say, but they never get sophisticated enough to handle real situations.

So it feels like an unsolvable problem to me. You can't simulate the game, and no one ever tells you what you did wrong in the real game and anyways there is no room for mistakes there. You can read books or watch videos or whatever but its not really learnable like that. So you're just fucked. What am I supposed to do?

Hi everyone hope you're having a good day!

i know the title sounds like someone who's headed the wrong direction lol, but just to be clear i don't use it often at all i use it very occasionally and intentionally anyway,

I've had this weird experience when i get high, i feel like my mind does not play those mind games that make me suffer in my day to day life, like I'm able to track down the patterns of my thought, take action on tasks i want to do, feel like i can function if that makes sense,

an example of this is what happened to me the other day where i saw and accepted why i just don't do the things i want to do, i only do things i want to do and in the rare occasions i do things i want to do i do them in the way i think i should do, but usually that "should" just makes me not do the thing cause i end up piling an infinite list of shoulds (or the should becomes this massive huge mental load) that i just want to avoid it. until now i didn't notice that a lot of my suffering came from not doing the thing like i struggle to add brushing my teeth into my morning routine but when i got high i just got into this mode where i just thought ok I'm going to brush my teeth and instantly i did it, and after that session I've been brushing my teeth pretty often and on a good schedule (i know it might just be the initial phase where i feel good about the action but I'm committed to making it a habit cause damn im 25 i gotta have that down already anyway),

this was even the case with my hobby/pursuit of making it on youtube, i actually went through with a video idea without pausing and making this enormous expectation of quality out of it, point is it weirdly makes me productive and not like making me go after money but makes me do the things i want for my life, now i have a feeling this isn't the best solution to rely on weed for that lol,

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has had that happen to them as well and if you did, is there a way to do that without weed (the whole oh i have an idea, let me just execute, instead of going into intellectual mode)?

also sorry fore all the typos, got my first mechanical keyboard cause i thought it was cool but it just makes my friends think I'm having a stroke so far.

As a kid I was taught how to deal with unwanted advances & to be wary of men (my mom has always been skinny & beautiful, and has had very negative experiences bc of it) Unfortunately, I was left completely unprepared for the loneliness & rejection I deal with instead.

I always see men online talking about how much they want to get hit on. Real life men are way less desperate, and I think I come across as more of a creep or best case I just seem polite (I smile at ppl/ give the occasional compliment, scared to do more than that)

A couple months ago I got a new co-worker, she's very beautiful (first really attractive woman my age I've been friends with) and she's always talking about the men she's rejecting/flirting with. (She enjoys being pretty)

The problem is, when I'm around my mom or this coworker, I'm so consumed with envy & shame. My mom thinks I'm lucky to not deal with all the male attention, and I think if my co-worker knew how much of an incel I am she'd just get a kick out of it.

I know I'm lucky to have never been SAd, but it feels shitty to miss out on that solidarity/ trauma bond with other women. And it hurts to see how much friendlier people are with them.

I was so shut off as a kid, I can't even explain it. It wasn't until high school that I realized how disgusted/uninterested people were in me, and I feel like I missed out on so much socializing as a kid that I'll never be able to make up for it. Maybe if I had the fun personality my co-worker does things would be better.

So I'm left with: ugly, overweight(180lbs), tall(5'8) awkward, incompetent, and unpleasant. And I'm just so LUCKY to have NEVER faced any ACTUAL abuse in my life.

Sorry for the long post, just had to put it somewhere. I just wanna know if there's anyone in my corner

Edit: thank you all for your insight and support. There are 2 things I'd like to address:

1. I'm hearing a lot of 'you're underestimating yourself'. I found out today with 100% proof that I was being bullied by a couple of people at work a few months ago. I think this especially really fucked with my head, and I think it brought me back into the same negative headspace I was at in high school. I'm going to find either an adult beginner ballet class or a spanish class, because I really need to bring value to my life. Thank you everyone encouraging me to focus on hobbies & self worth

2. Thank you to those of you who called me out for my negative views towards assault victims. I know I'm lucky to have not faced sexual abuse, and I didn't mean to go as misogynistic as I did. My closest friend growing up would tell me that because I was never assaulted that meant nothing I felt really mattered (paraphrasing.) Additionally, whenever I tried to reach out to my Mom as a kid, she wouldn't listen & just launch into a lot of trauma dumping about how much worse she had it. I need to work out my complexes about those situations, because if there's anything impacting my ability to connect with other women, that's what it is.

Love you guys, and thank you so much for the support ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

When I(21f) was a kid my mom used to hit us when we did something bad. It wasn't severe, more like slaps or using the belt and she once used a plate of glass to hit me. What would make her do it was primarily us not cleaning the house, she'd come home really tired to find me and my sister (8/10 years old) in a whole mess and she would hit us, and she would hit me when I got math problems wrong

Well she eventually stopped by the time I reached teenage but after I finished high school I started to hit myself now that I fell behind in college. Again, no really strong but I do and then I start crying and I don't even know why I do it, it is just a first response I have when I disappoint myself. What can I do to stop?

I'm a single guy ,28M, never been in a relationship or even really talked much to girls in life– super awkward/introverted, desi family pressures, all that usual stuff. While traveling in Southeast Asia , I ended up doing things I'm really ashamed of now.

I have for a long time, tried to go to meetups, only am able to talk to the men. I get intimidated by women and so have able been able to bond with women in any way possible. I tried getting on dating apps and marriage apps but there generally got very few matches with girls and got rejected by girls when I told them about the experiences below.

Lost my virginity in Thailand (paid service). It wasn't that I had gone to Thailand for sex. I was exploring Thailand and had landed upon a strip club, there I had taken a liking to a stripper and then she invited me and her friend for a threesome paid sex and drunk me obliged. There, I could only have sex for 10 seconds with condom and after that blood started coming from my foreskin, so had to stop after 10 seconds and had applied cream to heal the wound. I think it was somehow due to friction between foreskin and condom. So, it was a traumatic experience for me.

Had sex once in a massage parlor in Vietnam. Like above, it was not planned, I was just there for chilling, was just tired and had gone to maasage parlour, and they asked for boom boom and I couldn't say no.

For over a year, on an average of twice a month, I went to various massage places in Bangalore for handjobs or body-to-body rubs(basically making out but only kissing shoulder and boobs) – no penetrations or bjs, but still paid services.

Everything was with consenting adults (as far as I could tell), I was single the whole time, no cheating on anyone. I never went looking for underage stuff or anything violent/forced. But now that I'm back in India, the guilt is eating me up – cultural shame, family values, wondering if I'm "damaged goods" or a bad person.

I have gotten std test for it and it is negative for all. Also, I have stopped this habit from quite some time.

Could this come back to bite me somehow (like if it gets out)?

More importantly, women, How would you feel if a guy you're considering for dating/marriage/arranged setup admitted this? Is it a dealbreaker forever? Does it make me seem like I objectify women, or just lonely and pathetic? Would you advise total honesty in AM setups, or bury it and move on? Has anyone dealt with similar regrets from guys in their circle?

I know that what I have done is shameful and have quit it. I also want to know whether there is some redemption for me. Also, I did ask each masseuse or stripper whether they were below 20 or trafficked , they did say no to both. Still, I know what I did is shameful and ick and disgusting and doesn't make anything right, but maybe could anyone please how can I help any victims of abuse from my side for the same?

I am truly sorry—for reducing anyone to a transaction, for any unseen burden or discomfort caused, and to every woman (affected or not) who feels disgust, anger, or disappointment because of choices like mine. You deserve respect and full humanity, not this.

TL; DR : Took handjobs for a year in India. had sex once in Thailand and once in Vietnam, all above at massage parlours. Filled with regret now, how would this impact my future chances of marriage? What can I do to redeem myself from this ? I have gotten std test for it and it is negative for all. Also, I have stopped this habit from quite some time. Women, How would you feel if a guy you're considering for dating/marriage/arranged setup admitted this?

I (27M) have played lol since 2011, and my dream jobs were to either be an entertainer or a pro gamer. Right now I'm a doctor(It gave more money) because turns out studying is easier for me than any other skills I attempted. However I still like the game but It feels like a time sink where I could be doing literally anything else and doesn't improve my life. I tried to stop playing but i'd constantly get bored and not want to do anything else. I also do digital drawings as a hobby, but nothing feels as autopilot as clicking league or a roguelike such as slay the spire. What are things I can put in place of time-sink gaming when i'm not studying?

Since starting university in September I’ve been degrading mentally to the point now where I’m too depressed to get out of bed and too anxious to even go in the kitchen to cook. I struggle to leave my room and go outside.

I feel so ashamed that I don’t have any friends and relationships to the point where when I go outside it just makes me feel bad seeing other people.

This feedback loop of loneliness, anxiety, and depression lead to me missing so many lectures that I failing 5/8 of my modules and need to now study to retake the exams in August.

The mental health support in my area is so bad as well I’ve been passed around three therapist this year alone It’s useless.

What steps do I need to take to actually overcome this myself?

I've been feeling suicidal lately. due to mix of some other things, but this is a big part of it i think for me now.

I genuinely don't know how to live in this world or how to carry all of this.

I grew up in a third world country where teachers would slap boys across the face. Not exaggerating. This actually happened to me and countless other boys. I'm 19 now and my whole life I've experienced this kind of treatment. I feel like my pain does not count, like my body doesn't belong to me, we get dragged to war to die like animals.

recently i saw Singapore's government introduce a law allowing teachers to hit boys as young as 9 and it triggered everything all over again.

I'm not asking anyone to fix all of this. I just want basic acknowledgement that these things happen. That's it.

cant imagine the fucking governments are doing this,

I genuinely don't know how I would raise a male child knowing what they'll face. I don't know how I'll live my own life carrying all of this.

how to cope or stop these things make me emotionally triggered ?

I want to get my friend (38M) one of Dr. K’s guides as a birthday gift. He’s going through a really rough time and I care about him a lot. He has autism, depression and social anxiety, and is also suspected to have avoidant personality disorder. He’s never been in a romantic or sexual relationship, which is his biggest source of distress — he desperately wants connection but has lost all hope that it will ever happen, and is increasingly isolating himself.

He’s highly intelligent but struggles a lot emotionally. He tends to over-analyze everything through a purely evolutionary/biological lens, which keeps him stuck in negative thought patterns and self-blame. He’s been in therapy before but never felt truly understood by his therapists. I’m also a bit worried he might be on the edge of falling into incel/red pill/manosphere thinking — he’s not there yet, but the signs are there.

What makes it even more complex is that he’s actually a very sensitive and caring person who is genuinely good at making friends and maintaining platonic relationships — especially with women. The disconnect between that and his romantic life is huge, and I think that makes his situation even more painful and confusing for him.

For context: I’m autistic too and we met in a support group. I’m happily in a long-term relationship, so before anyone suggests it — dating each other is not on the table! I just genuinely want to help him.

He’s in the process of finding better professional support, but I want to give him an extra push. The love, sex and relationships guide caught my eye, but since he’s in a really low place right now, I wonder if the depression or anxiety one would be more helpful to start with. For those of you who have bought them — what do you think? Which one would you recommend FISRT (i'm broke lol😭) and in what order?

I think I just experienced my first real heartbreak and it’s messing with my head more than I expected. I got rejected by someone I genuinely cared about and even though she was honest and respectful about it, I still feel emotionally exhausted. One moment I feel calm and mature about it, the next moment I feel miserable, tired and empty.

She is interested in me but not as a romantic partner because she just went through a breakup.

Part of what makes this harder is that she wasn’t manipulative or cruel at all. She was actually honest instead of dragging me emotionally, and somehow that makes it hurt even more because I can’t even turn her into a villain in my head.

I also realized I tied a lot of my emotional regulation and even unhealthy coping habits to this person, which is making it harder to process everything normally. I’m sleeping too much, losing motivation socially, and trying to understand whether what I’m feeling is normal grief, emotional burnout, attachment issues, or something deeper.

For context, I probably have AuDHD/OCD tendencies, so emotional attachment and overthinking become really intense for me.

What’s hurting me a lot right now is that I keep trying to talk to people or reach out indirectly, but it feels like nobody is really there or knows how to listen. It makes everything feel even more isolating.

I understand her situation and wanna give time but she said not to keep hopes and that she would not accept it.

I'm not in the position of continuing. She was my first love and here you go. I had been an Incel for soo long and when someone changed that she doesn't want me anymore. I just can't......

I believe I have recently found my spirituality and realized what is important in life for myself. How can I practically explore this further? Are there any resources for people who are not religious and don't follow any particular cultural traditions around spirituality?