u/Capable-Practice8894

I nearly always freeze up when I want to talk with strangers, especially if I feel intimidated by them because they are conventionally attractive. If it's a girl passing me by on the sidewalk, I can't even look in their direction without feeling like my chest is being ripped out. I dare to go to pubs and sit at the bar, but am always terrified to ask for a drink unless the bartender asks me directly what I'd like to have.

I do want to work on improving this skill to talk with strangers, as I looked for advice on YT the most practical/realistic advice I came across was to do an easier version of what you want to achieve like "just compliment them as you walk by" or "simply say hi", and I guess I'm just wondering if there is anything easier than that I could try or is this actually the easiest exercise where I'm just looking at a very long road ahead of me?

To give just a little more context, I do have acquaintances whom I can easily dab up if I ever see them on the street. I do kickboxing, where on the team I feel and act like one of the older guys who help newcomers find their footing in the gym. It's really just something about inserting myself into other people's lives where my mind draws the line.

In an attempt to socialize, I've decided to hit up the city for an evening on my own; I did some shopping, had a pint of Guinness at a pub where I watched Manchester City win the trophy, ate dinner at an Asian spot, had some cocktails at a speakeasy-style cocktail bar, and stopped by another Irish pub on my way back to the train station to watch a rugby match.

I haven't accomplished any of the goals I set for myself, I wanted to try chatting with the bartenders at least (not trying to be a ****, I've up to recently worked in hospitality myself, and talking with guests at the bar is part of the job). Unfortunately, every time the possibility occurred, I would shut down and know not what to say or lose the courage to do so.

Altogether, I came out of the evening with a few insecurities answered:

Will I feel lonely surrounded by couples and friend cliques?
I didn't, I guess, because I haven't set my expectations beyond what is realistically achievable for me, and because I went alone, there was no way for me to actually be excluded.

Will it be awkward?
I don't think it was, not for me at least. I actually enjoyed the vibe at the places I visited, and nobody looked at me weirdly.

Will I feel invisible?
I did at times, mainly when the servers wouldn't notice me trying to get their attention through eye contact. Though I think it's forgivable considering how busy it was.

On the positive side, I have to acknowledge and pat myself on the shoulder for actually going out despite my whole body screaming at me not to, and better still, actually finding some joy there, making it worth repeating eventually. Also despite my history with alcohol, I didn't overly consume it whist out there and I remained appropriately hydrated throughout the night. More importantly, I woke up today without a hangover and was thus able to go to the gym in the morning (at the gym I got approached by an old colleague of mine who I haven't seen in a while, and we had a cordial chat to catch up a little. This made me happy.), and to make things better, I'm not craving alcohol whatsoever right now. It was like a no-regret cheat day on my diet and sobriety that I will now feel more confident at doing again.

But before doing this again, I should try to figure out and prepare for the following:
How to be physically more present so I feel seen?
What can I do to not freeze and have a back-and-forth chat with people?

Should I start my next entry with a "Dear Diary"?