u/Longjumping_Ant8349

Every time my parents call, I get upset somewhat. I got upset with my mom earlier because she asked about my internships, and I had to explain that I needed to apply to 200 internships before my university would consider giving me a job or help. Then she went on a tangent: "Oh, that's good", and I don't know why I just got mad. I got upset. I got upset because I immediately assumed my mom thought that was all I knew, and I hadn't already cold-applied to about 100 internships.

I got flashbacks of a time when the level of knowledge on a topic in the family was limited to what my mom or dad knew, so even if I knew more, they wouldn't listen or would try to apply sweeping generalisations or assumptions about the process.

I hear them in my head saying, "You are wrong, you don't know anything, I know better. Always. I can hear my father saying that, "Object Perminence doesn't exist; everything in my perspective is God's word", "I am superior, you are inferior", "My social rank entitles me to higher innate respect and default credulity." "My words are reality", but they never say any of these things.

It's always how conversations go, even if they already apologised or we have moved on. I am afraid they might do something drastic, like they've threatened in the past, like stop paying me to go to school.

I always feel underestimated when I talk to them. They always think I need their help or asking. Even though there's not often anything in their behaviour supporting that.

They'll admit they haven't been good parents in the past, but they try every day to be better, and my heart doesn't want to forget. My heart just doesn't trust them.. Maybe it's an excuse for my anger and anxiety so I don't have to work on it, or it maybes it's resentment because they don't understand the importance of just understanding me.

I don't know. I just struggle to talk to them without getting physically and verbally upset.

My mom is kinda tired of me talking to her all the time, because about 99% of what I talk to her about is negative. My mom wants me to be more positive and says that my negativity holds me back.

I struggle with loneliness and being taken advantage of, as I can see that I am isolated and ignored in my karate group, and I had 3 groupmates who made me do all of the group work. I say that it's because I am not 6'0+ or ripped or look generally respectable, so people look down on me by default. It's the same for karate, except the biggest contributor is my lack of skill at the sport. My mom says that it's possibly due to my negativity.

I fundamentally believe human connection is really only found once you have something beneficial to offer to another person.

I don't like my mom's push because I don't want to gaslight myself and her into thinking my problems are minor. And most of the time, the most positive thing that happened in my life is just being able to play a game or jerkoff or binge eat. Which is not healthy.

What are HealthyGamer's Thoughts?

I was playing Assassin's Creed Black Flag and also reading Dune and it made me wonder how potentially powerful the Hidden Blade could be. Dune combat is all about moving the blade slowly enough to penetrate the shields and go for the kill. Usually knives and swords are used, and I think the movie they added Spears.

Assassins specialise in and usually possess a blade that can be instantly unsheathed to kill an opponent. So fast an Assassin can kill someone by walking past them and can even kill in rapid succession or two at a time.

Assassins have also historically been very good at swordplay since the times of Bayek in the Ptolemaic period of Ancient Egypt in 49 BC to the 1860s with the Frye twins with the Cane Sword. Assassins are even capable of dual-wielding swords or a sword plus dagger such as Kenway and Cormac.

Also, this is more for the film, but Kenway and Cormac both have access too Darts that allow them too have opponents go to sleep, go beserk or create fireworks. I wonder how effective those would be compared too the dart guns they have in the film.

So I wonder how an Assassin would fair in a fight in Dune. I'd imagine they'd be as powerful as the Fremen, as most Assasin's were not trained in combat with the safety of the Holtzman Shield, like most of the houses.

I feel like I am not learning anything. I just use AI to help me make the documents and with code. But no one else is doing anything, and everyone in my university uses AI, so I do not care. I intentionally record all the bugs I get while vibe coding and ask Claude to give me line-by-line explanations so I can study my projects and code later during my internship period. But I am just tired. My groupmates are so fucking helpless. They send me screenshots of bugs they encounter in my website, but they don't explain. They take forever to even send in their designs for a simple website wireframe. And when they encounter problems, they just come to me and wait for me to fix it, or literally waste days trying to fix it themselves while I already have the problem fixed. But the biggest fucking issue I have is how much they message me or on the group chat saying we need to get stuff done. But whenever I send in work or do something, they get confused and ask, "What is this?" or they struggle on a basic job like rearranging the order of images and written sections. I'm just tired. Sad thing is, my whole family isn't usually available to call cause my grandmother just entered palliative care, and we are debating whether to keep her alive or just give her a peaceful death. I am more just bothered by reliance on AI. I don't feel like I am learning a lot, but I have no choice, and everyone I have spoken to has said that using AI makes accomplishing assignments easier and faster, but also usually yields better grades. I still have like a year left in my degree, and I have an internship period coming. I am jealous of another guy who's better at karate than me and does ComSci and seems more knowledgeable. I have to constantly remind myself of my gym progress and the fact that he ALSO USES AI. I don't know. I just want some guidance and encouragement.

https://pastebin.com/fEHgLZpX

Crash log too do with Faster HDT-SMP apparently. Already re ran Pandora. Pandora Output ovverides Nemesis BFCO Output.

I told my buddies wanted a girl who was my weight or less and that was my only physical dating standard. One friend said I was shallow while another said I needed higher standards

For reference I weight around 100 KG or 225 LBs for you Americans. ​