u/Logical_Art875

So i just turned 30 this year and this is killing me! I’ve always been the goody good guy, obedient, studious, ethical, etc. And i got squat! Nobody to count on, no friends, just me and my thoughts! Porn and food are always at my rescue but deep down i know they have sucked my youth away! Fat af so can’t look myself in the mirror, there goes self-esteem for a toss! When i feel people talk to me and want to be friendly with me i feel there comes a silence and emptiness that shoo them away! I read a lot of self-help but still end up asking for advice from people younger or dumber than me, which makes me even more dumb! Can’t bottle my emotions so always tend to be real rather than diplomatic! Cant just cant ben consistent with anything for over 3 days! Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

I need to get this off my chest because it’s eating me alive, and I don’t know who else to talk to.
I’m a 31-year-old guy. I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for a little over a year and a half. On paper, things should be fine, but inside, I feel like a walking definition of "wasted potential."

I know I have so much potential. In my alone time, I try to better myself—I read books, I watch productive YouTube videos, and I try to absorb knowledge. But the second I step into a social gathering, my brain completely shorts out. I get totally blank. I literally don’t know what to say. Because of this, I feel like people look at me and think I'm some sort of "man-child" who doesn't know how to navigate the world.

It’s incredibly frustrating because when I’m alone, or when it's just me and my wife, I don’t feel like this.
But even my marriage is suffering from my habits. When I’m spending time with my wife, I find myself constantly doom-scrolling on my phone. She has to point it out and tell me to stop, which makes me feel incredibly guilty and annoyed at myself. On top of that, I realize I struggle to maintain eye contact—not just with everyday people in life, but even with my own wife.

My shyness and lack of eye contact are so severe that I’ve started getting paranoid that people might misinterpret my awkwardness and think I’m gay or something, just because I can't look them in the eye or engage normally.

I don’t know what is going on with me. I feel disconnected, trapped in my own head, and like I’m letting my life and my marriage slip through my fingers while I watch it happen through a screen.
Thanks for listening. If anyone has ever felt this way and broke out of it, I could really use some perspective.

I need to get this off my chest because it’s eating me alive, and I don’t know who else to talk to.
I’m a 31-year-old guy. I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for a little over a year and a half. On paper, things should be fine, but inside, I feel like a walking definition of "wasted potential."

I know I have so much potential. In my alone time, I try to better myself—I read books, I watch productive YouTube videos, and I try to absorb knowledge. But the second I step into a social gathering, my brain completely shorts out. I get totally blank. I literally don’t know what to say. Because of this, I feel like people look at me and think I'm some sort of "man-child" who doesn't know how to navigate the world.

It’s incredibly frustrating because when I’m alone, or when it's just me and my wife, I don’t feel like this.
But even my marriage is suffering from my habits. When I’m spending time with my wife, I find myself constantly doom-scrolling on my phone. She has to point it out and tell me to stop, which makes me feel incredibly guilty and annoyed at myself. On top of that, I realize I struggle to maintain eye contact—not just with everyday people in life, but even with my own wife.

My shyness and lack of eye contact are so severe that I’ve started getting paranoid that people might misinterpret my awkwardness and think I’m gay or something, just because I can't look them in the eye or engage normally.

I don’t know what is going on with me. I feel disconnected, trapped in my own head, and like I’m letting my life and my marriage slip through my fingers while I watch it happen through a screen.
Thanks for listening. If anyone has ever felt this way and broke out of it, I could really use some perspective.

I need to get this off my chest because it’s eating me alive, and I don’t know who else to talk to.
I’m a 31-year-old guy. I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for a little over a year and a half. On paper, things should be fine, but inside, I feel like a walking definition of "wasted potential."

I know I have so much potential. In my alone time, I try to better myself—I read books, I watch productive YouTube videos, and I try to absorb knowledge. But the second I step into a social gathering, my brain completely shorts out. I get totally blank. I literally don’t know what to say. Because of this, I feel like people look at me and think I'm some sort of "man-child" who doesn't know how to navigate the world.

It’s incredibly frustrating because when I’m alone, or when it's just me and my wife, I don’t feel like this.
But even my marriage is suffering from my habits. When I’m spending time with my wife, I find myself constantly doom-scrolling on my phone. She has to point it out and tell me to stop, which makes me feel incredibly guilty and annoyed at myself. On top of that, I realize I struggle to maintain eye contact—not just with everyday people in life, but even with my own wife.

My shyness and lack of eye contact are so severe that I’ve started getting paranoid that people might misinterpret my awkwardness and think I’m gay or something, just because I can't look them in the eye or engage normally.

I don’t know what is going on with me. I feel disconnected, trapped in my own head, and like I’m letting my life and my marriage slip through my fingers while I watch it happen through a screen.
Thanks for listening. If anyone has ever felt this way and broke out of it, I could really use some perspective.

**Body:**
I need to get this off my chest because it’s eating me alive, and I don’t know who else to talk to.
I’m a 31-year-old guy. I’ve been married to my beautiful wife for a little over a year and a half. On paper, things should be fine, but inside, I feel like a walking definition of "wasted potential."

I know I have so much potential. In my alone time, I try to better myself—I read books, I watch productive YouTube videos, and I try to absorb knowledge. But the second I step into a social gathering, my brain completely shorts out. I get totally blank. I literally don’t know what to say. Because of this, I feel like people look at me and think I'm some sort of "man-child" who doesn't know how to navigate the world.

It’s incredibly frustrating because when I’m alone, or when it's just me and my wife, I don’t feel like this.
But even my marriage is suffering from my habits. When I’m spending time with my wife, I find myself constantly doom-scrolling on my phone. She has to point it out and tell me to stop, which makes me feel incredibly guilty and annoyed at myself. On top of that, I realize I struggle to maintain eye contact—not just with everyday people in life, but even with my own wife.

My shyness and lack of eye contact are so severe that I’ve started getting paranoid that people might misinterpret my awkwardness and think I’m gay or something, just because I can't look them in the eye or engage normally.

I don’t know what is going on with me. I feel disconnected, trapped in my own head, and like I’m letting my life and my marriage slip through my fingers while I watch it happen through a screen.
Thanks for listening. If anyone has ever felt this way and broke out of it, I could really use some perspective.