r/socialanxiety

Whenever i find myself in a space where there are loads of people and they are all interacting with eachother and have conversation with ease, i just stand there puzzled thinking why can't i do this? I may start a convo but find my self lost in middle of it. Anxiety takes over my body, wondering how everyone is quick and better in not only having conversations but also other aspects of life. I just feel like an empty bucket in middle of the room.

Until recently, i found it very hard to use greet/formal words. I couldn't greet people or ask how their day was going or thank them or apologise to them for something.

My condition was more weird because i had trouble calling my close ones with the words we should be using to address them like sister-in-law, aunt, uncle, brother etc (in our language, there is a word for almost every relation which is a polite way of addressing). i would frame my sentences in such a way that i wouldn't have to use those words and mostly avoided talking.

I really don't know why this happened. I came off as a rude person who doesn't know how to respect elders or didn't know how to talk politely growing up. Some people cut me off from their life while others accepted me for the way i was.

Lately it has been better. I see myself saying words like thank you, sorry, etc more often or try doing some small talk when needed rather than come off as a complete @ss.

But I still cannot address my close ones politely and sound rude to them. I don't know this can be changed anymore it is just the way it has always been with them. But i try to be more polite with new people i meet.

I am not diagnosed with social anxiety, I don’t even go to therapy, but I believe I might have a very bad combination of social anxiety + avoidance + people pleasing. I even stress out about replying to a freaking email! Yes that’s right! It is 4 am where I live and I can’t sleep because all what goes on my mind is that!

I just hate how this combination is actually making my life dysfunctional!

I’m so nervous for my first retail job phone interview tomorrow. And when I’m nervous, I know I tend to sound incredibly stupid, like stuttering saying “umm… uhh…” mid thought, and ending my answers with “yeah” or “that’s about it”.

Idk how to stop that. I sound so immature when I’m nervous as hell.

I need some advice and encouragement. It always catches me off guard when a recruiter picks my application out and I never feel ready.

Every. Single. Time. I go in public, i head home just full of regret. Was I too loud? Too quiet? Accidentally rude? Annoying? Didn't make sense? Weird?

It's so exhausting. I cry all the time following social activities because i just feel like i make a mistake every single time. It's so hard and so exhausting.

I feel bad for having off days where i seem down. I feel bad for being too excited. I tell a joke and feel bad if it doesn't seem to land 100% correctly. It's just like man idk. Can't even fix it because if I'm too quiet and don't joke, don't talk, i feel bad for being awkward and quiet.

Its like everyone is moving on with their lives while im stuck unemployed, with zero intimate relationships and still living with my family.. I feel so stupid since even my best friend can have a boyfriend, a stable job and lives independently from her relatives..

Sometimes i think "why did i have to be born, just to live like a complete failure?!" , i know that as i have autism and a mild social anxiety i have to be more patient/gentle with myself, but i still cant help having these uncomfortable feelings.. i just wanna die already, why its taking too long.. i have tried at 17 and failed, but now i get so guilty of even wanting to try again as my mom and gradma would be so destroyed by my self-inflicted demise.. idk what else i can do

I have a hard time conveying myself in a respectable light.

I do want a functioning dating life eventually, what to do?

I cannot get my social anxiety under control to the point where I come off in a confident and respectable way?

Besides drinking, what do I actually do lol?

There was a thread in this sub titled something along the lines of "I only feel inferior and anxious around people who look better or seem more confident than me".

To anyone who relates to that sentiment, my question is:
How do you guys deal with those situations to suppress that feeling?

How I (unvoluntarily) deal with it:

Ever since I learned about facial anatomy, facial harmony and halo effect, I'm now able to analyze people's faces and can tell why they look attractive or unattractive (or average).
I can also predict how someone will look like in the future as they age.

Most of the time however, when I perceive someone more attractive than me I do this:

If it's someone taller than me, I will solely analyze their facial attractiveness to avoid the halo effect of height. Same thing for muscularity.
If it's a woman wearing makeup, I will imagine how she would look like without it since makeup often emulates attractive features and enhances facial harmony.
If it's a man with a beard, I will imagine how he would look like without one since beards can give off a more aggressive demeanor and hide a weak jaw / chin.
To me, a bare face without makeup/beard is your "true face" for the lack of a better term.

It gets even worse that I will also imagine how people would look like if they were bald because hair can frame your face in a way that completely hides flaws in your upper facial third or changes the perception of all facial thirds.
After all, hair is not essential for survival hence I don't consider it as part of your "true face".

When it comes to people (particularly celebrities) who look more attractive after cosmetic procedures or a general glowup, I will always remember their former appearance.

All of this sounds so cynical or even narcissistic / toxic but basically, I'm trying not to fall for the halo effect and as a result, not to feel inferior and anxious around people.

Therapists are super useful because they have a model of social anxiety, they know what generally works for people like you, they know whether or not you are actually exceptionally screwed, they know how the process should look like. They know to recognize things you should do differently based on some pretty vague things that you yourself wouldn't have realized. They know when the problem isn't actually social anxiety and rather your mindset and they know how to tackle that.

Even a mediocre therapist is probably better than you alone, because no matter how smart or self aware you are you will probably get caught up in your blindness to yourself and the world.

Like I need to make a college counselor appointment to properly enroll and that requires a zoom call or meeting irl and also I need to probably explain my past terrible academic record (hs dropout) or why I haven’t been in school/college ever for a decade since then (because of anxiety).
So I have just been delaying it because I am terrible at talking to new people.

Hi, I’m new here. I hate admitting that I’m in my mid-40s and been struggling with this since just about when I’ve had memory.

Looking around here, I‘m coming across suggestions to stop caring about how others judge you, like that is kind of the key? This makes so much sense to me, and it’s what I’ve been trying to get myself to do.

So how have you done this? What things have you done, told yourself, what strategies in the moment do you use, and where do you begin?

I’m in a profession that involves a lot of interpersonal interaction, often in high-stress situations. With my ‘masking’ I learned early on, repeated exposure in my work, lots of therapy, and a quite supportive partner, I’ve mostly ambled through it. But those occasional highly-triggering incidents still happen, they’re still highly distressing, and as much as I’ve worked through all the shame, etc., it’s still really frustrating and embarrassing. Even as I tell myself after the fact that there’s nothing wrong with me and mostly believe it.

It’s in the moment, either the full-on flood (awful!) or the less dreadful fawning (the be funny, be friendly, talk fast so you don’t take too much time and attention, which I am not even aware of until minutes later)— I’d like to function and think, and not be “weird” because im so clearly uncomfortable.

What have you tried? How do you get yourself to stop caring?

Guys please. I need medical help but I cant get it. But i can't handle it on my own anymore.

I got diagnosed with social anxiety around 5 years ago and I was once in a hospital for awhile (for another reason) and I asked them there for sedatives. They had one that was "more strong" and a less stronger one. For some reason they would only give me the less stronger one and it NEVER helped. I think it was "Tavor".

That's the only experience that I have with medication used for anxiety.

So I need help. The problem is: i dont have any access to a therapist anymore. The only thing I have is the diagnosis from 5 years ago. But most sedatives are only available trough a therapist.

And technically I know how to handle social anxiety without medication but I just cant do it anymore. The symptoms always got unbelievably bad anyways.

There HAS to be SOMEthing that could help that you can get without a therapist 😭

Does anyone else get unreasonably triggered when people notice how quiet or shy you are?
Earlier today, I was at work talking to a coworker who I was doing a task right next to. This coworker is one of the few people there that I feel comfortable talking to. After we chat it's quiet for about 5 mins, I'm still doing my task, when one of my higher ups rolls around. She takes notice of how quiet it is and immediately starts talking about how were so silent, how "we don't talk about anything", how "we don't get to know each other", how if it was her in my place doing my task she'd be chatting up a storm, just bullshit I guess. I felt deeply ashamed of myself when she left and I went to cry in the bathroom.
Every single time someone points out how quiet I am it feels like I'm being bullied all over, no matter how objective or not their statements are. I get flashbacks to people in middle and high school calling me creepy, a freak, weird, boring, stupid. I feel like such a failure for not being able to speak like how I truly want to. It hurts so much. I know I'm a socially defunct failure, just leave me alone and let me work instead of talk.

Seems like no matter what my mindset is I always tend to get tense and nervous visibly in social situations.

I feel like I already know the answers to this. I have a feeling most of us share the same hobbies, but I’m still curious to know what are everyone’s hobbies? Normally I hate answering this question when an outgoing extrovert asks me this because they gonna think I’m lame, boring, who never leaves the house, but I’m totally fine answering this with y’all.

I enjoy reading, video games, watching documentaries, listening to podcasts, walking my dog, and cleaning/organizing can be pleasant too. I don’t really have friends so I enjoy spending time with my parents, nieces and nephews.

hi, so as i am sitting at work with cup full of ice at my desk cause the work coffee machine needs add beans and i am not able to do that cause i am afraid some might come to the kitchen at the same time as me, what's the most stupid thing social anxiety made you do? some of mine:

- avoiding coffee machine at work for a year cause i didn't want to ask how to use it so i watched youtube tutorials and colleagues from distance before finding the courage to do it myself.

- avoiding doctor appointments for years when making one requires a phone call.

- waiting a few steps away from flat building entrance when i see someone going in at the same time as me so i stand outside pretending i am doing something on my phone or waiting for someone and only enter once the person leaves.

- rather going multiple floors on stairs than sharing an elevator with someone.

- waiting until last minute to join work call to avoid any talking before.

- sometimes hiding my IG stories in front of certain people (usually colleagues) even though i am sure they don't care about me that much.

- feeling super anxious when something bigger and good happens to me cause i don't want people asking me about it (when i met my favourite actor and shared it on IG, i then had stomach ache from going to work cause i knew people will ask about it).

- planning my leaving work that way so i meet the least people to need to say "hi" to and getting super anxious when i know there are people in my reach but not enough so i wouldn't need to raise my voice which usually isn't enough anyway so they don't hear me and then i feel even worse.

- straight up running from some situations like a small kid despite being almost 30 years old with a job, own living and a partner.

- freezing in some situations when someone directly talks to me and i am not able to reply which makes that person mad cause they think i am just being rude and ignoring them.

- needing to eat with headphones on at work cause it helps me to forget there are other people in the office.

- feeling the urge to cry anytime people start laughing at groups or being too loud overall.

- being super talkative and leading things in online spaces, fandoms etc. where i feel comfortable while wishing to be invisible irl and feeling intense shame once someone asks about my interests.

and many more i can't remember now 😭

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has literally zero contact with anyone on school everyday. Everyday I just wake up, go to high school, and walk in and out of every classroom taking notes, asking questions, but not talking to a single person. And it's all because I suck at talking honestly. I hate small talk, I hate talking to the other person and looking stupid because they didn't hear me and asked me to repeat myself, I hate going through the awkward stage of making friends.

I have been a whole year on high school and I find it kinda ridiculous how I didn't manage to make one single friend. Well, I made one but she just kinda moved on and made new friends after christmas break. And I feel an immense hatred everytime I see her with her new friends but I feel like it's unjustified because in reality she did nothing wrong, she just has the luck of being more social than me. Eventually I figured it's not worth it to act all stupid forcing myself to have small talk and smile when in reality it doesn't even assure me a friendship. I never pass the awkward stage because I try to act all nice, it's kinda the only thing I know how to do. That's why teachers and adults like me, but I figured it doesn't really work with people my age. It's like they all know how to talk with each other naturally without even trying. My friends on middle school kinda made me feel left out all the time because I was just different from them, so I said "I wish I had no friends so I don't have to feel bad about being excluded" and it kinda came true lol. And I really mean I'm bad at talking to people. Every conversation I try to have goes like this.

Me: (Spots them playing deltarune) Hi! I have a question. Where did you buy Deltarune, did you pirate it or did you buy it on steam?

Other person: Oh, I'm playing on my sister's steam profile**(Turns around to keep talking to their friend)**

If I could describe it I would say that I feel like if everyone else were dogs and I were a cat. You know, like when there's a group of dogs just socializing with each other and playing around while the cat just awkwardly stays at a corner and doesn't know how to react when the dogs approach it. And I mean, I think I'm pretty well alone, but I don't know if I'm just really good at coping. The only thing that stops me from going insane is my cellphone. Sometimes I wonder if other people wouldn't go crazy after spending a whole year without talking to anybody at school. But please tell me I'm not the only one. Because to me it seems like I am. I don't want to sound bad or anything but sometimes I see people like me and get kinda happy because I think "Hm, well, seems like I'm not the only one". It would make me feel better if others went through the same as me, but even people that are quieter than me have friends. It's ridiculous. Like, I can't be the only one at school with no friends.

I mean, people even pity me. There was this girl who saw me crying one day and now everytime she sees me she gives me the high five of pity. She goes "Hey, high five" and smiles at me as I high five her. It's honestly kind of embarassing because I know she is doing it with a good intention but I wonder if that's the only thing people know about me, that I'm lonely and sad. I mean, I wonder if they even see me as their equal. They either pity me or take advantage of me to ask for my Mac Book's charger because they know I always say yes. Anyways, is anyone else going through the same as me, or does anyone have any advice?

ppl say it makes you more talkative and confident but personally it dosent rlly happen to me i feel the same but dizzy

Not even drunk dude I'm tipsy if that but why