r/socialanxiety

Im 16 years old and i have Social Anxiety.
A few weeks ago I met with a few of my friends to drink. It was my second time drinking a lot of alcohol so I kinda blew my limit and got really drunk (my friends as well except for one so it was “save”). But despite that I had a great time. My anxiety was gone and I could just be myself. It was awesome. A few hours later even one classmate that I’m normally very awkward around joined but I could just talk to him like a normal person. I felt really free and great in this situation.
Bevor you all criticize me I know that what I did wasn’t right I know Alkohol has some pretty bad side effects and isn’t a cure to anything but I really want to get drunk again. I want to feel free and I want to talk to people like it’s easy. And if Alkohol is my temporary solution to that then I want to drink again.

Before I start I know how the title sounds but it’s not a suicide post i swear, I mean i do struggle but it’s not the point. Just venting.

I’m just really exhausted with life and it’s been getting worse just as my social life started getting better. Is this happening to anybody else? Like I don’t know every time I think I found good people i turn out to hate them either they turn out kinda shitty or i just get an ick and by this point i feel like I’m just forcing myself to get along and I’m tired of being nice to everyone while nobody else gives a fuck about me in return.

I’m really considering now just cutting everyone off and going “lone wolf” so I can have some peace for myself but I know it’s not a good thing yet i feel like it’s the only way without offing myself that will grant me some comfort. But then again I also don’t wanna be alone i just feel like i wasn’t meant to have people in my life because everything is always so fucked up and my anxiety is just making everything so much worse then it should be.

Anyone got any advices?

I used to think I just had social anxiety for a long time. The idea that it was based on something else felt insulting. But Ive now got to the point in life (29) where I agree that it seems social anxiety is a symptom (and a bad one) of something else. Social anxiety isnt itself disorder.

Mine comes from living and growin up with autism and adhd, which i was only just recently diagnosed. Never being able to fit in or be normal. Always getting in trouble where i was trying my best. Constant over thinking and over stimulation. And also growing up with alcoholic apathetic parents.

I grew up not being able to control if i did something right or wrong. I think i changed to expecting things to always go wrong, then trying to work out how ill expect and sort that out rather than do things right.

Who else has has larger issues? For those who dont believe they do, I would advise looking into it to he sure while your as young as can be.

I really want to do more sports/be fitter in general.

But when I do sports I feel really good for the day, my social anxiety is better etc., but the next day when my body feels different and I have sore muscles, my social anxiety is much tougher to handle. Because I am distracted by how different my body feels and can't focus all my energy on social interactions anymore, so I fail at some more than usual. Which in turn makes my social anxiety worse on these days.

I really don't know what I should do, but todas is one of these days again. I have slightly sore muscles and suddenly everything feels different and I had a really awkward call at work where I was just so distracted by the different feel of my body. My muscles aren't even THAT sore, but it just takes my focus away and makes my day very difficult.

But I can't just stop doing sports or only work out when I know I have the next day off 😭

I think mine comes out sometimes for the right people but generally I can’t express myself. No just because of nerves even although that can play a part sometimes. I just lose my quick wittedness around others and can’t loosen up and I forget how to socialise. A lot of people think I’m autistic as a result I think. Even when I’m on my best form I can be funny but I don’t think I’m a leader or that respected. I’m still not the most chatty etc. I’ve received some condescending remarks from people close to me even. Anyone else?

Just wondering how much a big of a deal it is for you? Is it just shyness or is it more than that? Does it affect all socialising most of it or just some of it? Do you have any other MH issues?

Tried to go out for breakfast. Pulled in the parking lot. Parked. Almost threw up. Left. Now eating a microwave TV dinner at home. I wish someone would invite me out to eat. I'd pay, glady!!

I just started as an assistant a week ago, my friend resigned from this position and I am taking over after her. We are/I am alone in our own office all day, sometimes my boss is here for an hour or two but other than that it's pretty isolated.

She has friends here at another part of the company with whom we had lunch in the last week, one of the guys is also from my boyfriend's friend group too.

That work group is 99% guys and for years, I couldn't bring myself to talk to men due to trauma. It's gotten alright, but by myself it's difficult as hell.

What's confirmed is that they likely have no problem with me and say hi to me when I walk by, but I haven't been the chattiest.

Last Friday, I had lunch alone because they already had earlier which would have been fine if the head of the HR didn't say "oh I'm sorry we didn't you this time, we forgot I'm sorry:(" which didn't feel genuine to me at all and made me spiral all day, which might be a me problem.

Today I got to lunch earlier than the guys, they then sat at their usual table as I was close to finishing my meal and I wanted to sit at their table and talk with them, but this cramp in my stomach and the future-imagined awkwardness in my head blocked me from doing it. I felt frozen, my head was a mess all around and I wanted to cry. I said hi to them and bon appetit as I left but I almost cried when I sat back in the office.

I am now thinking, if I fucked up, if they think I am weird for not sitting there with them, will her friend gossip to the others and I will be hated and disapprove by the friend group?

(Logically, there is no evidence for that and I tried to do a meditation technique which worked a little suggested by my therapist)

I keep telling myself that tomorrow I will try again, I will have a plan in my head to go down later so I will join them.

I am very open to advice, stories or anything related to these experiences.

I also know that I don't need friends at work to survive but I like to have people that I can talk with and laugh with during that lunch break.

I am 20F and have been friendless since 2018. I am a virgin and have never partied or dated anyone. Before 2018, I had plenty of friends in elementary school but then was suddenly transferred one day in 6th grade to a different school by my mom with absolutely zero warning. I made friends with students there, and then we went to the same middle school after that, but in 8th grade, I started growing distant from my friends and didn't want to hang out with them anymore, just ghosting them, no longer interacting even though I'd see them at lunch sometimes.

The best explanation I can provide is that my mom habitually has never liked my friends, always interrogating their existence out of me or watching who I hang out with after school when she came to pick me up, and insisting that we separate because she always thinks they're a bad influence. I knew for a long time that she was paranoid about the school district being evil and trying to ruin me and her lives and mental health (which also why I had been transferred), but for some reason, I just always obeyed everything she told me despite heavily objecting often. The closest thing I had to friends at that time were acquaintances.

Then the pandemic happened and I became even more separated from everyone else and became happier and more comfortable with being alone all the time. When high school came back and I attended sophomore year, I was only at that high school for one more year before transferring to a different one for junior and senior. And I still made no effort to make friends or socialize at all. Ever since the pandemic, every kid around me seemed repulsive to me. I didn't like how they dressed and how they were swearing all the time and didn't think they would want me to be their friend either, so this continued.

Then I went to college and completed two years without friends again, only forming something akin to friendships in my second year by joining a student club and getting a partner "buddy", and also briefly being friends with a roommate who then moved out in 2 weeks or less. I lived in a building where all the sorority girls were and everything about them just rubbed me the wrong way, from how they all were these blonde white girls with tans and botox that dressed scampily and talked way too loud, too often. In the first year, there were parties down the street but I wasn't interested in joining them at all except for one time on Halloween, but I wasn't even ready for my first party because I wasn't able to stay up late and my costume had never arrived. But now I was starting to get curious about what all the rage was about and I asked online to learn about what college parties are like and if I'm missing out on them.

I didn't really know what parties were exactly back then, I just thought it was friends hanging out at a bar or each other's house having a chat and a drink. I didn't know that the main point was getting extremely drunk, experimenting with illegal drugs, and sleeping around with strangers. Not having friends during my teen years or going to any social gatherings before, both because I didn't want to and because my mom was strict and hated all my friends, led to me learning everything in one huge shocking moment that opened a Pandora's box of all sorts of anxieties and questions.

I wasn't really thinking it'd be that before before I learned all this and now it's all become so intimidating, especially with how people who are even normally nice so quickly turn to bully or treat you like an outcast for saying you're not into partying or don't drink. What completely baffles me is why society is accepting of differences and not everyone liking something, even glorifying being different, until you say this.

I dread the idea of binge drinking until I puke, pass out or black out, getting a hangover, waking up on the floor in some random place, doing something horrible or stupid you would've never done sober. I don't get why people talk about this like it wasn't absolutely humiliating, and even have an air of pride about it. The idea that everyone is just completely unafraid of experimenting with drugs completely shocks me...weren't we all raised with emphatic teaching about how dangerous drugs are? And that's about the only knowledge we have of them? Then how and why do many people just ignore all of that just to rebel against their parents and blindly believe everything they say is wrong or think they're invincible and that you absolutely should, even if you shouldn't?

And I can't stand the idea of having sex with strangers. I already don't feel sexual attraction to people I don't already know well, and the idea of throwing myself into an environment that I've learned often has violent, pushy, gropey, rude people coercing you into dangerous things and only wanting to roof-dive or race their car when they're in the worst condition to is unbearable. If I show up, I have to drink until I can't make any good decisions anymore and I have to end up in some man's bed at the end of the night. People drink and that leads to them doing stupid and degrading things, and I feel like it's also that people drink so they'll be fine with stupid or degrading things happening. I cannot say yes to going into these places. And yet everyone insists that you have to do this every weekend, every day if you can, be as reckless and extreme as possible, and that this is the peak of being a young adult and that you'll have never lived if you don't do this.

I admit I learned all of these things off of media and some personal stories online. They don't represent reality accurately, but I can't help be afraid. I don't think I can control how I'll behave while I'm drunk by setting rules when I'm sober. I can't always fight against peer pressure to ride with a drunk driver. I can't control that I will frequently have to put up with random men catcalling or being forceful to me.

I don't think I have a choice. I have to just be okay with all this bullshit of dealing with assholes, creeps, gross and dangerous situations, and keep coming back anyway, every time. I have to go party and give up my safety, dignity, and personal boundaries as much as the people around me want me to or else I get bullied and treated like an outcast. That, or I can sit all day in my bedroom, surfing on my computer and sleeping, completely alone, which may be no better, for as long as the world stays the same. If I had just had friends throughout middle school, high school, and college, and been able to make new ones without a problem, maybe I wouldn't be so afraid to be an adult and vibe with what everyone else is vibing with, and just be a happy, normal person without such an insane problem to deal with.

TL;DR: I have never been to a party, had sex, or dated. My mom kept pulling me away from my friends until I gave up resisting in middle school, I'm in college now and still don't have true friends, and the pressure of becoming an adult and doing adult social life things (sex, parties, dating) is growing on me despite me really not wanting to do any of those things. How can I just get over it or make the fear subside?

So my bf made some new friends which are really cool and fun to be around, the only problem is my crippling anxiety and not know wtf to say in groups of people. This new group of people are loud and fun and there’s this one girl who my bf meshes with and they have the same energy and can talk about whatever. Meanwhile I’m just smiling and nodding at people and not know wtf to say to the next person next to me, and this can go on for hours and hours of me doing this. My bf will take short glances at me to see how I’m doing and probably feeling bad for me not talking to anyone and being lonely. I start randomaly shaking sometimes cause my anxiety is on overload of being a mute when my bf wants to connect and have a good time. Any tips we are going out later with this new group and I really hate it but I do it for my bf cause I know he wants to make friends.

well when it comes to being in crowds and people looking at me, but when it comes to socializing i still find it quiet hard. Though not as hard as years before of course. My anxiety has gotten down but at the cost of my depression going up. I'm not motivated to literally do anything. I just sleep, eat, watch movies or doomscroll and repeat.

its so epic that i can get a huuuge amount of views more on socialanxiety than on any other community but still this will have no comments or much less comments that other ones bc its a social anxiety group, and i think yhats so cool

I’ve always been a quiet kid and everyone joked about me that i was mute, until i was 15 yo and everything changed bc i went to a knew school and met new people. before i had actually no friends.
well that time i began to feel better and be happier and be more excited for everything, but then at the end of 17 everything just began to go worse and worse. well first of all i finished school so i was on a gap year for this year one year (im 18 now) and well i was not studying, i was working 4h a day but in my dad’s office (so a room in my home) and i still work there.
in this gap year i made much more friends, and i still have my 4 friends group from school, and we are still 4 friends, but 3 of us are now in a much bigger group of like 10 people.

lately i’ve been struggling so much with talking to them and maybe feeling comfortable with them, i dont know why, not to all of them the same way, but i just get so drained if i have to interact with them, and they go out every little days and i do too, i get fomo and i wanna go out with them but i dont actually wanna be there, i just want it over and done, so i Was there but i font wanna Be there.
but its so uncomfortable sometimes bc i feel like i only can comment words to what they say to me, for example literally they show me anything and i’ll go “woow” or “broooo” or “oh no” or “haha” but i cant get myself to say anything else, and sometimes i even try saying something and i hust say 2 worss and stop talking later before finishing my phrase bc yea i just dont know why but physically find it so difficult to talk and interact with people.
i didnt felt this way when i got to know them, i was shy rhen, vut then became more talkative, and now everyone jnowsnme as the guy thats silent, and i thoufht i actually overcame that phase of my whole life some years ago, but its coming and coming back and i hate it.

i just feel like words dont appear in my mind, im stuck and nothing thinks, and when i think its either i think too much and the time is gone so i can’t add the thing i was thinking about to the conversation bc its too late, or i just get too nervous and my head gets blank so i just stare at one point and answer i dont know, bc i actually do not know, but it coyld be anything, even my fav color, i just dont know.
and not only talking but laughing and etc also got much more difficult

does someone experience this about not being able to talk or finding it too difficult to intersct with people?

Every time I mention my social anxiety and gym anxiety, people laugh and say “don’t worry, I promise nobody cares, and nobody looks at you.”

This is objectively untrue. I don’t think others realize how many people are “people-watchers” and will proudly admit that to me. As soon as someone tells me they are a people-watcher, I feel immediately anxious. I sit up straight so they don’t notice the rolls around my stomach, keep my head tilted up to minimize my double chin, and constantly look around to see if anyone is looking at me. And I become more and more intimidated in conversations with others because these self-identified “people watchers” often are very observant in conversations and will remember if I stutter or mispronounce words, or if I talk too loudly. Some will even make fun of me.

This is even more frustrating in a gym environment. I used to force myself to go to the gym, and I’m supposed to believe that people don’t look at me at the gym when 1) people wait on me to use machines, 2) people come up and correct my form, and 3) people make snarky comments like “you have about as much coordination as _________” or “you’re exactly the kind of person that needs to go to the gym.” Eventually, it got so bad that I would get sick to my stomach, and I had to stop going.

I’m not saying people-watchers are bad people. I’m just saying that I wish people would stop lying to me and telling me that nobody cares and that nobody is watching. Because people are watching, and they will bully you and judge you.

This could also be a byproduct of me being unable to interpret humor and social cues. I am neurodivergent, so that could be the case. Does anybody else have this experience?

START MEDICATION

Guys, if you are raw dogging life, or you are abusing recreational drugs just to cope with life you are suffering way worse that you actually have to. If we really wanna change and we really wanna stop suffering, we must accept that our nervous system is completely damaged and Imbalanced. Psyche meds no matter what you believe are created for people who have unbalanced brain chemicals. We all have fucked up brains from Genetics, and trauma way worse than the average person. These meds will take a lot of the senseless suffering and weight we carry into everyday life.

We don't deserve the hand we were delt, and we all deserve help thru our healing journey. Meds take commitment and communication with you Dr tho. Not every meds will work, but that is why they have many different flavors for each of our unique flaws carried in our imbalances. It'll take time and effort, and you may even possibly get lucky and start off with the right medication. But in order for us to properly maneuver our healing journey, we need the assistance of a Dr and medication. Go to therapy as well! We gotta work with what we are given and I promise you guys, medication is a blessing in disguise, we gotta be willing to go thru the trials and errors of finding the proper meds, but when you do you will really thank yourself and see how much simpler our problems could have been! I really hope this message reaches those who have been stuck in limbo, START MEDICATION!

Hey everyone. I (18F) just graduated high school, and I'm honestly struggling to cope with the feeling of a missed opportunity. I need some outside perspective or similar stories to help me calm down and move on, or maybe someone had experience confessing in such situations and can share it with me. I asked about this in love-related sub, but I feel like my severe social anxiety is a very important detail :(

I’ve had a huge crush on this guy for the past year (we've known each other for two years).

Our graduation party was a few days ago, and there was a moment during the prom when they announced white dance, but I panicked and froze because of my social anxiety (diagnosed). I missed my chance to invite him. As well as I missed every other opportunity to be closer to him this year.

I keep torturing myself with the "what ifs", like, what if I had been brave enough to become close friends with him earlier? Maybe he would have gotten to know me and liked me :/

It’s still not too late to text him, but it's definitely the last chance, and since I am not sure it is (or can become) mutual, I don't know if I should. I am very afraid of rejection, even though we might never meet again unless it's intentional. And I don't know how to not make the message sound sudden and suspicious because I feel like I'd sound strange.

I don't honestly understand how people get in relationship with social anxiety, I feel like I'm gonna stay single forever.

Thank you in advance!

People are so cruel and scary man. I'm autistic so yes that may be part of it but still, I dread any time I have to leave home. Even for places I have been to many times like school or the grocery store I still get really anxious. I can't stand even being in the vicinity of people. There's just no way I will succeed in life with such an extreme fear of people. Next year when I graduate my mom wants me to get a job but thats just going to miserable. Freaking miserable. I hate people so much. Almost everything involves interaction with people I'm screwed and want to cry every day that I can't handle things most others can with ease. If I don't know you personally then I'm terrified of you.

I think my self consciousness comes across to strangers as me being unapproachable. How to stop being so self conscious and becoming embarrassed of my mistakes?

I was sociable until the age of around 5. I moved schools and I became shy. Then around 11 I started puberty and was just overly loud and said a lot of dumb things and embarrassed myself a lot, but I had friends, I would talk. I am currently 22 and I feel like I am back at my childhood self but even more quieter. I hate talking and I’m constantly fearing judgement and conflict. I’m the quietest in my university class and it’s humiliating, It feels like being the weird kid in school but as an adult (people avoid sitting next to me, all that stuff). I’m going into a career where I will have to talk a lot to clients and it’s making me rethink everything even though I’m passionate about it.. I feel like I have some sort of mental disability where even if I want to talk I just end up making no sense and people assume I’m stupid which fuels my fear of judgement even more. I wish i could communicate with people, have intellectually stimulating conversations as i’m extremely lonely and isolated but I just feel a barrier whenever i do.

Side note- A strange thing I’ve noticed, that I’m realising now is that due to the lack of conversations I have, my dreams are mainly silent and contain no talking.. it’s like I’ve forgotten how to converse all together.

Context: I attempted to push myself outside of my comfort zone by going to a Nightclub last night and talking to girls with the help of alchohol (slippery slope into alchoholism, I know, but I figured it's the Fourth of July. Just one night won't hurt. Who knows, might get laid, seeing as how I am in fact less anxious talking to acquaintances when drunk.... Heh, as if.) Keyword, ATTEMPTED. I failed though.

Everybody there was with a group of people, which in my experience at a run club, also attempting to push myself outside of my comfort zone, I am no good at group talk, and mostly just sit there uncomfortably cuz I don't know what to say, and everybody is somehow flowing conversation between eachother? Which I don't understand how that's done. It's like they read eachother's minds it feels like.

One-on-one however, I am more capable of doing... assuming I can somehow get the courage to do so. At run club, I have talked to a couple people, guys only, as girls cause the social anxiety to come ten-fold, one-on-one okayish. But that's the limit of my capabilities I feel, and it's only made us acquaintances.

At the Nightclub I noticed a girl alone a few times, but the anxiety is so bad, that it overrides the alchohol (I'm talking 2 mixed drinks, and 2 beers in, as a lightweight type drunk), and I still have to sit there and come up with something to say and workup the courage. Of which every. Single. Time. someone else would approach them first to talk before I do. Therefore shooting my confidence down yet again.

The night wasn't a COMPLETE waste. I had fun dancing. Alone. While drunk enough to not feel anxious about dancing, but my main goal wasn't accomplished.

If not even my "happy-go-lucky drunk af" self can't talk to girls, then what hope do I have to do so when sober? I willingly CHOOSE to not partake in drinking too often. I don't WANT to become an alcoholic, but the social anxiety is just so damn bad, and also I'm admittedly... lonely, I guess, wanting connection that I cannot have.

I've looked at so called "micro-steps" and "exposure" tips to getting over social anxiety, but what do I do when even those are too much? When money is involved, ie: stripclub (another one of my "social experiments" which I was able to do both drunk, and sober), doctor, therapist, waitress, phone call, etc, I manage perfectly fine. But throw casual, non-business conversation into the mix, and I'm stuck. What do I do?