r/AskMenOver30

Any wisdom or watch outs from those later in their 30s are welcome.

For example, you dreamt of becoming a musician in your 20s then things happened - has it still metamorphosed into another form in your older age or do you think you completely discarded and severed such a path?

I’ve done everything to feel better. I fell in love, tried to fuck it away, did a lot of drugs (almost died), chased prestige, converted to a new religion, did a bunch of community service and helped others, gone to therapy, tried a bunch of psych meds, but I’m still this way.

When I was younger, it was easier to manage it and hide it by smiling. But at 26, I cannot deny how heavy it is. I feel my resistance to it losing strength everyday and we all know what leads to.

It’s pathetic, but I’m sad that no one can save me from this not even myself, and not even my higher power. The only thing keep me going is my mother, because she’s the best, I wouldn’t want to put her through the pain of losing her only son.

I’m hoping maybe by the time of 30, this will magically go away, but I doubt it.

I just turned twenty a few months ago I’m having really strange feelings about it and where I am now.

I know I’m still really young but when did you feel life started getting good?

So, I’m at a point in life where I’m single, I have no family, I do have wonderful friends however they’re getting busy with wives & children etc, and good for them. It leaves me a little isolated socially for stretches of time. I go to the gym, I have hobbies, I’ve taken classes, I’m part of social groups etc. I do my best with what I have.

However, I’m identifying my job as an issue. I work in manufacturing, technical work on heavy machines. I work a 2-shift pattern, so 1 week early and 1 week late, rotating. Since my promotion, it does mean I’m working alone for most of it. On weeks where I’m on the early shift, I can at least go out in the afternoons/evenings and see people, but on the late shift it’s devastating; I can go Mon-Fri almost entirely without having a physical conversation. I feel long term this will be harmful to my soul. I do like the people I’m with, it’s just the logistics of the job that we are working mostly by ourselves.

So my question for the hive-mind is; what’s a job that works Mon-Fri, relatively normal hours, that puts me around people? I feel that’s really what I need to feel less alone in life.

Had a rough life.. and now I wake up every day and I'm 40 years old. So many close calls and experiences but time marches on

on one hand life is ok in my little corner. on another hand the world is currently on fire, scorched and staring down the barrel of a major energy and subsequent food crisis. im having trouble juggling the present and what feels like a truly unknowable future. some days I just have to throw my arms in the air and smell the flowers, other days it feels like the weight of civilization is collapsing on my particular shoulders. is this something y’all experience these days? how are you managing? what are you doing with your mental health? spiritual health?

Men of AskMenOver30! In the interest of creating a deeper, more engaging, and more relevant community for all of us, we've implemented a recurring, Weekly Wednesday check-in thread.

• How are you doing this week?
• How are you feeling this week?
• How have things changed from last week (if at all)?
• Are you proud of anything you've done this week?
• Are you struggling with anything this week?
• Do you need advice or feedback on anything that's happening?

Feel free to share your wins, losses, and general progress. You can talk about anything from work and career, to personal projects, to personal development and family, to friendships and socialization, even dating.

Life is ongoing, and sometimes it's good to have a community around us that can reflect that. Hopefully this weekly check-in will serve as a good tool and outlet for those who need it.

You are encouraged not only to post, but to respond to posts by others. Support your fellow men in their trials and tribulations.

Please be respectful in your comments.

It’s time for some new skivies, man. What brand do you recommend for boxer briefs and why? Not a huge tighty whities guy, but sometimes boxers are chill.

I’m just really curious about like a guys youth, what common “coming of age” things are there, what aspects do you remember that most guys you think you go through? What things are you thinking about or worrying about, what concerns did you have (some of these things are sort of adolescence around high school age… but open to younger too).

Not sure where to start this but I'm 31 and I'm at a crossroads in my life

I've made some bad decisions and gambles regarding career and relationships and now I'm starting to feel the weight of those things, my situation isn't as bad as I think it is (Mid tier job had to move back home) I don't blame anyone and I take full responsibility for things that have happened. but I still feel very embarrassed and oftentimes I think about just completely withdrawing from normal life until I get things together.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation and how did it come out for you? Did you still have a normal life in regards to relationships and stuff like that?

This is my first post on this sub but all comments whether criticism or motivation are welcome.

I'm 38 and getting close to 40. Your 40s seem like a time where you legit see subtle signs of aging for the first time in your life. It wouldn't surprise me if it catches a lot of people off guard and they're like omg I have to do something now!

I'm sure everyone does it for different reasons and not everyone cares but I'm wondering if the acceptance part is the main reason people do it. Not that I would do a procedure but for the first time in my life I'm paying more attention to anti-aging products.

Hello, my name is Diana. I am 22F, and I am wondering, what is one life lesson that you've learned in your 30s that you wish you knew in your 20s?

I’ve heard several men state that they rarely receive compliments, even from their S.O.

How true is this for you?

I did purchase one for myself a few years back. I felt a lot of shame about it. I feel like there is a stigma associated with men using sex toys on themselves that doesn’t really exist with women. But man, they can be quite enjoyable.

Have you ever owned one? Did you like it? Did you feel shame around it? What are your thoughts? How old are you? Feel like younger folks might feel less shame about this than older generations.

I’m a gay man, and I‘m close friend with a man. The friendship is pretty much one-sided, I admire the guy, and he seems to not have people to vent to. He would get drunk and vent to me everything, and I basically would listen and comfort him everytime. He got drunk and bombarded me with text just tonight again. I got nothing out of the same care back, but somehow I still stay, somehow being needed also makes me feel life has purpose.

But I wonder, how hard is it for a straight man to get support and people who listen, that he has to be like this? It’s been years

On days when I lift and then do CrossFit, I can easily spend 2+ hours at the gym, and my anxiety afterward is almost nonexistent. I feel calm, focused, tired in a good way, and much more like myself.

On days when I don’t train, the difference can honestly be night and day. My mind races more, I overthink everything, and I feel that anxious energy sitting there with nowhere to go. Sometimes I get so anxious I want to cry.

Obviously spending two hours in the gym every single day isn’t realistic, and I also don’t want exercise to become something I have to do just to feel okay.

I deal with ADHD and anxiety, and I’m pretty cautious about taking medication for either, so over the years I’ve had to find other ways to manage them.

For anyone who uses fitness as a big part of managing stress or anxiety, how do you maintain the benefits on rest days or days when you just don’t have time for a full workout?

What gives you the same mental benefit, or have you found other things that scratch that same itch?

Would your answer change if that number changed to 5 grand? Would you have to keep it a secret?

In corporate sales. We have old dude that makes dumb jokes at the expense of others and me included. Luckily, he has no role in my job or pay. Just someone who’s a man child that we have to tolerate. I’m also not the only one who is tired of it.

An example would be that I see him trying to say something to another co worker and look at me and start laughing and then walking away. Making it look like it’s about me.

How do you deal with these type of personalities? Is this something I should bring up to the managers? I like my job and it pays well so I don’t plan on changing that just for this issue.

I’m curious to know What’s Your Happy Place?
What’s that one place where you instantly feel peaceful, happy, and completely yourself? It could be a beach, a coffee shop, the mountains, your favorite travel destination, or even somewhere simple like your backyard. What makes that place special to you?