When I took my baya, they told me that Shaykh Hisham Kabbani was my murshid. But how is that possible when he has passed? Of course, he assist and praying for us, but I feel like I need a living murshid that I can talk to.
And it’s so difficult to get into contact with Dr. Nour Kabbani. I know it’s bad, but I’m wondering if I should explore other tariqahs in which the murshid is living.
I’ve done everything to feel better. I fell in love, tried to fuck it away, did a lot of drugs (almost died), chased prestige, converted to a new religion, did a bunch of community service and helped others, gone to therapy, tried a bunch of psych meds, but I’m still this way.
When I was younger, it was easier to manage it and hide it by smiling. But at 26, I cannot deny how heavy it is. I feel my resistance to it losing strength everyday and we all know what leads to.
It’s pathetic, but I’m sad that no one can save me from this not even myself, and not even my higher power. The only thing keep me going is my mother, because she’s the best, I wouldn’t want to put her through the pain of losing her only son.
I’m hoping maybe by the time of 30, this will magically go away, but I doubt it.
Assalamualeikum
I was wondering if there was any biographies about saints you suggest?
Particularly, I don’t want one that just describes their miracles. I am hoping for one that describes the difficulties they had and maybe some struggle in faith they overcame.
Thanks!
This man is is such a visceral writer. Who would’ve though of throwing up on your moms partner dead party while high of coke. Wow
Has anybody had any duas about their mental health answered. Bipolar ex addict here. Starting to think these duas are specifically not answered 😭.
I like drugs a lot, but sometimes I go overboard and scare myself (I am working on this). Something I like to do when the anxiety starts and my thoughts start becomes scary because I’m too high to read the Qur’an. I just turn to random page and read. This time I landed on surah hud, right exactly where the Quran was going over the story of lut.
I find this particularly interesting, because when I converted I was gay and I do hold some resentment toward Allah sadly, because I had to change that part of my lifestyle. I’m trying to get over it, but I really don’t know how.
Obviously - this is a story warning against homosexuality and about how disastrous looking back is when trying to leave a sin. I also took this as a warning, because I was planning on getting more drugs when I read that.
But im curious what does the storu of lut mean to you? What have your shayukh said? Perhaps I might learn something useful to change my ways inshaAllah.
I love Allah. I love the Prophet SAW. I love the Sahaba. And I love the Awliya.
Can you guys make dua for me that my love grows for them infinitesimally each day, please.
I will do the same for you ❤️❤️
JAK