u/im_justkendra

This is weird, but I seriously cannot remember really ever having a crush on anyone… maybe my first boyfriend before we started dating.

But I’m now 28 and I don’t think I’ve had one since!

Is this odd 😂

Maybe I’ve had them and I just explain it as something else… like what’s the difference between “oh this persons cool and attractive, I’d be down to get to know them more” and a crush? A crush feels more like you’re almost obsessed about the person.

I mean easy answer is the same shit we’ve been dealing with forever (improved but still a long way to go)

But what other things?

I don’t know about you, but I have a mini anxiety attack every time I order an uber or Lyft.

But also like being in an elevator with a guy(s) alone .., I get uneasy

But it kept getting flagged!

So here I am… with another generic post, sorry guys!

On the surface I’m probably your fairly standard basic TikTok white girl lol. Which isn’t exactly wrong… it’s just definitely not the whole picture…

I’m diagnosed ADHD/neurodivergent, so I have a million random interests but absolutely hate being asked to list my hobbies.

I don’t really have a “thing.” I’m more into experiences… trying a local restaurant, wandering around an art fair, doing something random with friends, finding a new place, whatever. I mostly just like doing things with people I enjoy.

I also really match people’s energy. Ask me a boring question and honestly you’re probably getting a boring answer. Give me an actual thought, a random observation, an opinion, something you’re excited about… now we have something to talk about.

I’m definitely more of a quick back and forth person too. Please don’t send me 10 questions at once lol. Say something, let me respond, we’ll go from there.
Mostly I just like people with personality. Have opinions. Be passionate about something. Tell me what you actually think, even if I disagree. I don’t need you to say the “right” thing or to be nice and give me lip service… I just want to feel like I’m actually talking to you!

I think men find me a little overly cold, blunt and just not great at showing empathy in a traditional way.

Firstly, I’d really like to clarify that I am not asking about specifics, this isn’t about kinks, your fav positions, the size of your partners… etc.

And to double qualify, that is not me shaming or judging those things, rather just clarifying the heart of this discussion.

So back to the main point of my post.

Basically it’s sort of like a “check in”… and a broad overview of how you are and how you connect with sex.

Besides your partner, do you discuss sex with anyone else (some of us have friends, some even our mothers, some prefer to keep things private).

If you’re open and actively enjoy discussing it, what’s the reason behind it? If you’re private, do you have a particular reason?

If your mindset has shifted or evolved, what was the catalyst for it?

Just anything really related to the topic.

I realize that my journey has really changed as I’ve grown and matured (much much healthier). I lost my virginity in high school to my bf and at that time sex was all so new, in college after breaking up I really made the mistake of attaching my worth to male validation, and I felt I needed to be sexually active to be liked. After college I had a super healthy ltr that was kinda a great partner in my journey to become both more in control of my sexual side, while also not shaming it or timing it down.

I (f28) met a guy at an annual conference for people in my field, there was a mixer/networking event after and we really hit it off… he seems like a great guy and I haven’t seen any clear red flags.

But it’s only been a week since and we’ve chatted every single day but nothing too serious. Now he’s asking if I’d fly out to see him and he’d pay (also offering first class, not that it matters to me, but it’s not cheap and I’m not sure if that may change the meaning).

Is this weird? Does he just really like me? Like I don’t want to use a guy for a free trip or his money, but I mean if I did agree, do you think he’d have certain “expectations” having spent his money to get me to him?

I mean I obviously can decline, it’s my choice… and if I truly felt uncomfortable or unsafe I would. But this is more like just “a lot” on such short notice… even if I like him.

Edit: just want to add, besides some light/normal flirting and mutual attraction… he has not been forward or pushed boundaries at all sexually or anything

I don’t know about you, but I’m never talking about how much muscle a guy has.

But I mean Self-assured, emotionally intelligent and stable, comfortable with themselves and not needing to posture or make themselves bigger, being kind, compassionate and authentic… I could go on, but it really feels like they think we still mean it in some hypermasculine/macho archaic way.

“That’s why you’re still single” 😂

I love that one, bc you say it like it’s a bad thing… when in reality it means I have standards that I stick to and I’ve built a healthy life not centered around men and their approval.

Same goes with “enjoy your cats”, umm cats are great, I mean I’m more of a dog person but still!

Anything goes:

• Sports
• Life updates
• Weekend plans
• Pets
• Work drama
• Travel
• Whatever

Like not your total “no go’s”… but like that thing where you’re like looking through most things seen good and then it’s like “oh, that kinda sticks” when you see it?

So I (f28) went out with this guy (m30) recently and at one point he suggested “let’s get a picture together”… I instantly felt awkward and sort of tried to politely laugh it off, he insisted a bit and when we kinda bantered back and forth about “why” he really didn’t give an answer. I ultimately denied the request…

Couple things, I’ve been on a good amount of dates, this is a first for me… but is this more common than I know?

But the real question for me is “why”, anyone have any thoughts on this?

Let me add, this pretty much soured me on any chance of a 2nd date.

Just not feeling great today.