r/malementalhealth

For context, I'm between 16-17 years old and I am, of course, male.

Anyway, this is going to sound selfish, but I think I've came to the consensus that I want to kill myself. Not right now, but at some point, particularly before I turn 18 so I can die a 'child' (before 18) and say that I lived the best part of life: childhood.

Why am I killing myself, you may ask? I feel like I was doomed from the start. Witnessing parent's fighting verbally and, in rare cases, physically. In pre-K, I held a LEGO flag up like a gun and got in trouble for it. I remember being at most 4 and crying to my mom because I was bleeding profusely and she refused to help me because I was in trouble. Basically, been taught my opinions or feelings will never matter in any context. I've been exposed to gory, graphic content and first-person shooter games since at least 2014. I feel like I've always had some sort of behavioral issues, and my parents never checked me out for it, either.

Speaking of that, my parents refused to check me out on a lot of things. To keep things short, I most likely suffer from a variety of mental disorders and illnesses, but I don't know what ones because my mom thinks my 25% Asian heritage makes me immune. Dad thinks I'm too tough to be "threatened" by stuff like that so it's automatically out the window. My dad also is very masculinity-obsessed (refers to me as "sir" all the time, history freak, etc.) and Christian. I started going through puberty, and I locked my door for privacy to do my own things. My dad believed I was either jacking off, looking at gay porn, or participating in it, which I don't. He would constantly yell at me for locking my door to the point of me physically shaking and crying. Strangely, he tries getting me into porn so he can have a reason to kick me out as soon as I turn 18. To this day, he still thinks that I watch porn and goes far to a point where he thinks it's "CP" that I'm watching.

If you couldn't tell, weirdly enough, my dad favors his daughters over his sons. He finds it necessary to compete with men 40-50 years younger than him for whatever reason. He likes being in control but knows no one in the house takes him seriously because he's just an alcoholic who's abused everyone in some sort of way. If he sees me having fun, he immediately gives me a useless chore to do. Constantly asks stupid stuff like, 'What are you watching on your phone?' like I'd be dumb enough to watch porn and start beating the beanstalk in the middle of a crowd.

My mom's cool but also has her downs. She doesn't really want to care for me and would rather care for her 100 inside and outside cats that I sometimes have to deal with, too. She finally treated me for something: my acne that's been clawing at my physical and mental health for four years but only did it because my brother had his treated, so she wanted it all out the way (still something I guess). Tried telling my siblings about some conditions I might have but they either laugh at me or yell at me. She likes complaining to me about what's going on in her life, but when it comes to me, the conversation's basically over.

To sum it up, my parents exhibit some signs that show they were probably never meant for children, at least not the amount they birthed (10)

I also don't 100% enjoy being male. I feel like I would, but my environments kinda shaped my opinion. Dad's rude to me because of it and I don't feel safe sharing my feelings like most men. I feel so weak and alienated after saying "I'm scared" or something like that. If I got a haircut my siblings would ignore me or laugh and it made me insecure, so the same can go for me saying I'm depressed or just "not normal". I struggle with food a lot; walking past my siblings with a plate of food makes me feel like a greedy obnoxious pig that deserves nothing but a slap across the face for even thinking it deserved something to eat. This could be related to my really bad social anxiety and/or paranoia. Only my sister gets sympathy for hers because she's a female and I'm a disgusting male who supposedly has everything figured out. This same specific sister gets babied a lot. She skips out on her chores all the time because she works as a clerk. I try being positive for once and joke about skipping my chore and I get yelled at. Her dog rips up something of hers and I'm forced to pay for it because I apparently looked after the dog last when I was just sitting in the living room with it, NOT EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO IT. I get treated like this all the time yet I'm foolish enough to still show love for my family for some reason. I tell myself, "They hurt you, don't help them", but picturing them sad, or just anyone, makes me upset. I help them, they don't say thank you, but at least they're happy. I constantly worry if my life would've been better if I was born female. I feel like I would have friends, people would love me, and things like that. I could share my opinions without being hated because I'd be pretty. I could vent my feelings without feeling weird.

Also, not entirely important, but I've been suicidal since 11. I remember going outside at night and trying to hang myself with yarn. When I was 14, I wasn't technically TRYING to die, but I was testing to see how long it'd take for me to "pass out" by hanging and putting a plastic bag over my head and tightening it, and I was doing that 5 times a day at LEAST. I finally decided to try and kill myself when I was 14 in a forest but chickened out because I was sweating, unbearably hot, bugs, and I could hear people. Made a whole manual going over different suicide methods and saw that some people purposefully gave themselves STDS as a suicide method. I kinda piggybacked off of that and began living off a diet of 2-3 carbonated sodas and chips and stuff like that in hopes it'll trigger a health condition and I can die. Hasn't worked yet, the only results being undiagnosed diabetes that my parents yet again refuse to treat me for, and cavities. When I went to public school, I was forced to learn around 'bad' kids who talked about sex, rape, and shooting 24/7 like it was all that was programmed in their brain. I swore I'd never get bullied but during this time, I feel like I was. A rumor spread around that I was gay. I had my behind grabbed at times, which I'm not sure if that counts as assault. I was accused of saying the N-word. This made me more suicidal because I essentially feel like my life was ruined, like I lost that little bit of innocence I tried to hoard for as long as I could, like I lost at a game or something.

Last but not least, my family have a weird fixation on animals. They bought 3 dogs and 5 kittens. They adopt a dog and get bored, so they adopt another. I don't know what's gonna happen when my dad retires, stays home 24/7 to yell, and they'll be 50 dogs and cats running around costing at least a thousand bucks a month. I'm starting to hold a grudge between every single one of them even though I have "custody" of three of the kittens. The cats brought large amounts of fleas into the house. We had to make small renovations here and there to make it easier for this one dog to climb of the stairs. Mind you, this dog wasn't even 2 years old at the time, and I felt like it was faking it so it can be carried up because it STILL whines barks and cries at the bottom from time to time. I feel like these animals are loved more than me and I envy them so much. They're loud and everything. I miss when I had a house and not a zoo. I stay in my room practically all day to avoid seeing 'reality' and my parents scratch their head as to why.

To sum it up, I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate living. I don't know how to cope. I don't know how to react to things healthily. I write poetry but it doesn't help a whole lot. But thank you for reading every word I wrote.

I think I broke myself mentally over the years and now I’m trying to figure out how to become a normal person again.

I spent so long numbing everything that I genuinely forgot how to deal with life in a healthy way. Stress, loneliness, boredom, anxiety… all of it just became automatic escape mode. There were points where I honestly didn’t care if I woke up the next day or not. I pushed people away, isolated myself, lied to people I loved and wasted years feeling completely disconnected from who I was.

Now I’m trying to fix it before I lose everything completely.

Trying to be better for myself. For my girlfriend. For my mom. Trying to become someone they don’t have to constantly worry about anymore. Some days I still feel mentally exhausted and broken for no reason though. Like my brain forgot how to feel normal after years of chaos.

I’ve been trying anything that helps me stay grounded and not spiral backwards. Music, late night walks, gym when I can force myself to go, even plain leaf kratom and occasional natural 7oh helped me stay away from harder stuff that was genuinely ruining my life.

Don’t really know why I’m posting this. I guess I just want to know if other guys here feel like they’re rebuilding themselves from scratch too.

Im Struggling with a crippling insecurity and feeling left behind and excluded and unwanted

So for context I am 27M and still a virgin and never had a girlfriend and currently don't have a lot of prospects for one right now. I made the mistake of working too hard and focusing on other things when I was younger I spent my college in the library rather than at bars and frat parties and I got my bachelor's and Masters in electrical engineering and moved across the country to start my career.

I even saved up enough money to put it down payment on a house - just closed Thursday and I'm moving in now. I've also joined running club and strength training and I'm over halfway towards my weight loss goal of 80 lb total (49 lbs this morning). Additionally I go to munches on fetlife and have met some amazing people. And the girls at run Club are super warm to me and compliment my weight loss.....So that's something.

So guys.....why do I still feel like a loser? Why do I not feel masculine? Why do I feel like shit because I've never met a girl that had any romantic interest in me and I've never gotten close to any form of sexual success? Why do I feel like it's all pointless?

I'd really like some advice for how to deal with the insecurity and feeling of inadequacy that comes with that because it has really made me question myself worth a lot. I feel like it's too late and the world has told me I'm not wanted. I feel like at 27 there's not much I can do to change my outcome. Dating apps are no for me because I'm still too fat and when people judge you by one picture there's no way I can win.

I've (29m) been drinking literally every day for the last couple weeks and I've been having fun as sad as it sounds. I'm stressed, depressed, short (5'5), Black (I like being Black though) fat (180-185 last I checked), out of work (union carpenter). Unemployment cut my benefits off so I'm currently not getting unemployment. I can't workout because I think I tore my meniscus in my knee and might require surgery (I don't want surgery), I have mental illnesses and learning disabilities (ADHD). I still live at home because I'm from Southern California where even a small studio is 1600$. Drinking is the only cope that is rewarding to me, lmao.

I Decided yesterday that I want to try a 30 day sober challenge. Its day one and this shit sucks. Its boring and I notice my life is more shitty sober.

I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic. I still go to work and get my daily tasks done for the most part. I have driven drunk a couple times but I haven't hurt anyone (thankfully). With that being said, the last time I tried to give up alcohol, I started shaking a couple days later...

Idk, I'm just not happy sober.

Idk if this is the right place to post this but I'm seeking advice for my 18 yrs old son. I had him in high-school and the first few years of his life was tough. My husband and I fought a lot as we carried a lot of trauma from our childhood into the relationship. Needless to say, we've scarred and damaged him good. We've both acknowledged and have discussed this with him. We've also apologized many times.

He has always been kind, sensitive, and silly as a child. Once he became a teenager, his mood and temperament changed. His highs and lows are extreme. His crash outs are violent such as punching a TV, walls, windows, breaking down doors, etc. At 15 yrs old, he threatened to take my life. Instead of putting him into thearpy, I took the backseat on parenting and told my husband to step up and be the parent for him. Instead, my husband decided that he too will take the backseat on parenting.

This resulted in our son linking up with the wrong crowd. His friend group has gotten in trouble with the law this time and it's pretty bad. When I explained this to my son, he appears to understand but I dont know if he truly understand the depths or severity of the consequences. Just this week, I found out that a girl at school filed a report against him and authorities are involved. It's one concerning thing after another.

My husband and I have been arguing about him since he became a teen. Our marriage is at the breaking point and we're both truly exhausted. This might be it for us. My solution to this is to pack my entire family up and leave to a different place but my husband is against this. His solution is to "give him an ultimatum or he gets out". I dont agree with this. It feels like we're giving up on him when he needs us the most.

In the past, we've continuously missed opportunities to get our son help, so today, I reached out to mental institution for an evaluation along with thearpy. We are going to sit down with him tomorrow to discuss this. My husband says if he refuses thearpy, he needs to leave as we still have young children in the home who are witnessing his emotional crash outs every hour of the week. We need to protect them as well.

I feel like he isnt beyond help because while he may be moody, when he calms down, he does attentively listen to us when we explain to him why he cant say or do certain things in his raging episodes. He acknowledges this each time and would even cry because he's apologetic. From your perspective, a parent or not, what advice can you give? We've tried understanding, empathy, patience, tough love, gentle parenting, all sorts of approaches but we're stuck and are worried we're losing him.

I tried to search for all the possible things that can replace the self esteem that comes from having a license, but none of them can.

I’m a 20M Omani I have a scholarship but I really don’t give a fuck about it anymore

and I can’t get a driving license due to a health condition. I’m not here to ask for stupid transportation advice because all the alternatives aren't as good as driving, and most of them don’t exist anyway.

I’m here to ask if anyone knows someone who tried to overdose and succeeded, because I’m planning to overdose on Xanax with alcohol tonight and end this

Don’t Fuck with me; there’s nothing better than a driving license,Part of being an adult is having independence, and if I can’t have that, I’m ending it today. Please, like I said, no stupid advice; it’s all bad and doesn’t work. I’m just here to ask for personal stories, about benzos and I’ve stated my reasons so you guys don’t have to ask me why I want to do it there’s a reason why everyone here gets a license after finishing school and my self esteem can’t handle this anymore

Anyways, enough about this. Does anyone know someone who succeeded with odosing?

Basically what the title said. I think about what would happen if I died suddenly, who would care if anyone would care. Even how long intensely or even if someone would mourn me. I realize the more I think about it I don't think people would actually "care" maybe for a month or two but then I'm forgotten forever. I guess this is just some buĺlshut rant ig.

Ps: Im not suicidal

I'm writing this because I need to understand what's happening to me. I'm 23 years old now, and the problem is that I hardly feel anything anymore. No more joy, no more fear, no more anguish, nothing. Faced with super serious situations that should make me panic, I remain unmoved. When someone annoys me, 5 minutes later I've already moved on.

However, when I was younger, I was just the opposite: hyper angry, fearful, I cried for nothing.

Sometimes, without warning, otherwise, the pressure cooker explodes. I let go of everything, I totally lose control of myself and I can become super hurtful or threatening with my words.

So that you understand the context, I am coming out of 4 years of absolute suffering. When I was 18, I left my parents to run away from my stepfather, a verbally aggressive guy who spent his time blaming everyone else for everything that happened in the house (he never questioned himself, and he ended up cheating on my mother).

​During these 4 years alone, I lived in misery: total lack of money, exhaustion, I earned nothing. In terms of food, it was chaos, I ate anything (McDonald's, candy) or I ate almost nothing. To top it off, I was cheated on by the girl I loved the most in the world. During this whole period when I was suffering, I felt extremely alone, abandoned by everyone.

​It ended in total collapse. I went bankrupt, I found myself in debt, my car has broken down for 10 months, I lost my job and I had become completely suicidal.

Because of all this, I was forced to go back to live with my mother and her toxic husband. Except that now, the balance of power has changed: I scare him. We have brutal arguments, him and I, and we stop because my mother tells me so (they still live together but the story will be long if I say it)

Thank you.

I’m not very short, I’m 5’9 while she’s 5’0, but how do you even reconcile with matters like this where you will forever know she wishes you were different like some other guy? And don’t tell me to break up with her. That’s bad Reddit advice. Not everything is solved by cutting people off over the slightest inconvenience and most women are interchangeable.

I know people are struggling more than me and if I offend someone im sorry its just I have no one anymore my gf left and took my best friend with her I despise looking at myself and I barely have an appetite ive lost 15kg in the past 2 months simply from not eating I got a new job and the job is great its just im not i feel like I never belonged and that I disgust everyone I think about ending it atleast 5 times a day and ive came close 3 times but everytime I back out like a coward just to suffer more and more and I dont think I can do it anymore im just so fucking tired I really dont know what to do anymore

We're a UK research-stage project trying to design a digital tool for men 35–55 who've been hit hard by money problems, relationship breakdown, work stress, health issues, or feeling lost. Before we build it, we want to hear from men who've been through it.

• 5 minutes, fully anonymous
• No name, email, or contact details captured – Samaritans (116 123) and NHS 111 option 2 signposted in-survey
• Open answers will directly shape what gets built; may be quoted (fully anonymised) in research summaries

Link: https://form.typeform.com/to/mJXnS8pL?utm_source=reddit

Happy to answer anything in the comments.

18M
Through middle school during Covid I was a quiet, lonely kid who didn’t talk to any girls or have any friends. Now that I’m a senior in high school, I have lots of friends, Ive had 2 girlfriends during high school and viewed as “a popular kid” by many. 2 weeks ago at prom, someone from another school came up to me, asked if I was … and I said yes. Then they said “I heard you run shit around here” (meaning I’m a popular kid). I remember a teacher asked me how I seemed so confident at all times 2 years ago, and I still remember it to this day. Now I don’t say this to toot my horn, but to explain the contrast in how I feel, vs how others view me. While I may be popular and confident on the outside, on the inside I’m the most insecure, embarrassed kid ever. How can I be viewed as such a confident and likeable person when I don’t even like myself?

In the start of high school I had bad acne, I remember spending hours researching how to solve it, trying hundreds of different products and losing my mind over my face. I wore a hood everyday for 2 years because I couldn’t stand people looking at me. I couldn’t keep eye contact with anyone because I couldn’t stop thinking about how they viewed me. But nobody has ever known this. Eventually I found good friends in high school, but they don’t know how bad I struggled, and neither do my 2 ex girlfriends.

The past year, I’ve struggled with losing my ex as she went off to college. I cried everyday for months, and couldn’t stop thinking about her at all times during the day. But nobody knew. I had this smile during the day and at all times to hide my emotions. I would listen to the saddest music, and obsess over her, but nobody knew, not even my 2 closest friends.

My brother went to a depression type of rehab place for 2 weeks 3 years ago. I didn’t tell anyone, and I lost my mind thinking about him and what he was going through. But nobody knew. I always hid who I was.

Some kid in my school explained how he never looks at himself in the mirror and took a good look in the mirror while we were in the bathroom. I thought to myself, is this what normal people are like? I spend hours everyday looking at myself in the mirror. Analyzing everything about myself trying different ways to look better and to not feel so insecure.

At the end of the day, when I make it back to my room by myself. I let the mask go. I enjoy different music then what other people think I do, watch different shows and movies, think about stuff nobody would think I would, and even write on Reddit for random people to give me advice. If anyone knew these certain things about me, id want to die from embarrassment.

How can I be viewed as confident, even when I can’t find something I like about myself? I Why do I feel the need to hide who I am? Why am I ashamed of what I like? I don’t think any advice is going to make me turn into this new person where I can voice who i really am, but I just want to know why I’m like this? So please feel free to give any advice, or thoughts. Thank you

The only thing I fear is having to do anything that involves genitals. Vaginal sex/anal sex maybe even getting a blowjob.

I mean it's kind of unavoidable during sex. Of course I wan't to give women pleasure and it won't happen if I'm just keep kissing other body parts or massage their backs.

Sure, some foreplay helps but anything other than that feels risky or unkown territory for me.

I keep thinking: "Why would she ever give me a blowjob? Why would she want to look at my body? Why would she want my penis inside her body?"

God, just writing about this stuff makes me uneasy. I don't even watch porn.

Hey here everyone. I really wanted this suggestion for myself as it's constantly tensing me up everyday. I am very short and seeing everyday of my batchmates of almost everyone taller than me, it feels really insecure about it. Please suggest something practical instead of just accept it. I know about it but it doesn't work that way. Please tell me somethin

That's in 5 weeks. I am done with this shit quite frankly. My mom is on vacation right now and I wouldn't wanna make her go on a plane knowing I am dead, but she is back next week. I am done.

No one knows my struggles. I'm ugly, autistic, have no friends, have never had a girlfriend, my coworkers don't care about me (I make ok money at my job but that is it). I have no desire to fix these things. I don't even identify as a lonely man, just as a lonely person.

Also, I don't want any advice.