r/malementalhealth

Hey guys, I am a 28 year old guy who has never gone on a date and has no experience with women. Now as a guy, I know and am totally fine with being expected to put in all the effort into dating and getting to know women. But is it normal to have never gotten any interest, or even signs from women at all? Like never?

Even a few of my friends who are also somewhat inexperienced, they have at least had women try to flirt with them, match with them on apps, show interest in them or anything like that. I don't know what that's like.

Now I am not a bad guy, I think I am a really solid catch. I have a job I love, a good head on my shoulders, am in good shape, social with good friends, and cool hobbies. But I guess that's not enough to attract interest.

I have asked my girl friends from time to time if they know anyone who might be interested, had a crush on me at one point, or knew of any girl who though I was cute. And nothing. How normal is that? It seems like most other guys have at least had a girl like them, but I haven't.

What gives? Is this common for guys? What am I lacking or missing that other guys have? This is something that has really been starting to dig at me over the last couple years.

You reckon subconsciously they respect you less and it comes out in their interactions with you?

TLDR: Suspect wife (higher-earning, senior job) is having an emotional/possible physical affair with a divorced male coworker. Past incident: caught her on a late-night video call with the guy, spiraled into a suicidal-ideation episode, got counseling, we talked and moved past it. Recently: saw the guy near her workplace, she’s coming home later than usual, and her location tracked off-route near where the guy lives. I handle most parenting/household duties while she’s mostly absent/exhausted, and only physical contact is when she wants a massage. I don’t want to confront her, hire a PI, or file for divorce — I’m asking for outside perspective and am open to an amicable separation if it comes to that.

I am here to get things off my chest. I suspect - underline suspect - that my wife is cheating on me.

I know, I am being a selfish, possessive bastard. If she's not interested in me and likes someone from her office more, that's her life and choice. But somehow it hurts. I've been living with this inside me for a few weeks now. It's a recurring wound that has opened up again.

I had gone through the whole cycle of depression after the last time I had suspected the same, and received help through counselling. I requested the mental health counselling as I saw myself as suicidal. I didn't want that for myself, my wife and my kid. But now that the snake has raised its hood again. I am struggling to deal with it.

I know it is someone from her work. He is divorced and has moved to the US. Last year, I caught her on a video chat with him late at night. I had gone to sleep, but woke up to pee, and saw her having a video chat with him in the other room. I saw his face on the phone - her back was to me. She noticed I was awake, and they closed the call - it wasn't work they were talking about - just chatting. I spiralled after that. One day, I shaved off my hair. A few days later, it occurred to me that for someone who likes his looks so much, to have taken that razor to my hair in a burst of anger - if I had a gun in my hand, I'd have shot myself too. And that scared me, and I reached out to a counsellor. They advised me to speak to my wife. I did. We had a round of crying and apologising, and that was it.

Or so I thought.

A couple of weeks ago, she called me because our car stalled close to our place of work. Our offices are nearby. So I walked down to where she was. As I was walking, I saw the guy walking in the opposite direction. I thought I'd imagined it, or perhaps it was someone similar looking, and I ignored it. But since that day, I noticed she's been coming back late from work. Not very late. Just later than usual. Usually, she would come back in the afternoon to avoid traffic and then take calls from home. For the past few weeks (since the car breakdown), she's been coming back late in the evening and still taking office calls from home. Just yesterday, I saw her on FindMy on the way home, but she was way off route - closer to where he stays. She may have dropped him or perhaps another colleague. I have no way of knowing. She didn't mention anything when she got back home - she was on calls.

Her role is demanding. She earns 2-3x as much as I do and holds a senior role at her company. She barely has the time or energy to even talk to me or look at me. I manage my time, come back home early from work to make sure my son isn't home alone. Or take exceptions to work from home now and then as needed. In the mornings, I get my son ready for school while she sleeps. I pack his tiffin, give him his milk, etc. And she barely even checks into the kitchen. If the maid's on leave, she orders food in.

I feel I am giving this relationship and the family everything I can, and she is not. And she is way too busy with her life and work to even acknowledge our presence. The only time she needs me is when she needs her shoulders, back, or legs massaged. That's the only physical contact we have.

I don't even know what to do. I am having thoughts of separating. I am ok with an amicable separation. I don't want to be that needy bastard who says please love me and no one else. I don't want to be the arsehole who suspects his wife, when there is nothing more than work pressure. But I cannot help but think the thought I am thinking.

I am putting this out here so that I can get some diverse perspectives. Please let me know your thoughts. Jokes will make me smile. Taunts will make me hate myself .. or her a little more. What would be more helpful is if you could help me get some perspective on this situation. Put yourselves in my shoes and let me know what you'd do.

I don't want to have her followed. I don't want to initiate a divorce. I am OK to say yes if she wants to separate. But let me know what other options I have. Telling her that I suspect her will only get me more crying and drama. And of course, she will deny it, whether it is true or not.

Of course, there is much more to the story than I can relate here. I can't put down 18 years of marriage into a single post. I am not perfect and haven't made all perfect choices. But here I am cribbing about the choices she's inflicting on me. Given what you have above, go ahead, do your best or worst. Let me see what comes of this.
I am hoping some of you out there will speak up for my wife, too. I'll be grateful to receive some alternative perspective.

Hello everyone,

My name is Maciej. I was recently discharged from a psychiatric hospital after my ninth hospitalization. For the first time, the treatment has genuinely helped me, and I’m finally experiencing a real positive shift in my condition.

I’m currently waiting for admission to a specialized depression and anxiety treatment center. The waiting time is approximately 3 to 6 months, which leaves me in a difficult transitional stage where I’m no longer in acute care but not yet fully stable.

My past includes long-term trauma, violence, and bullying. These experiences shaped a large part of my mental health struggles, but I want to be clear that I am not defined by them anymore. I’m actively working on rebuilding my life, stabilizing, and moving forward in a more functional and independent direction.

A friend kindly helped me cover my hostel accommodation, so I currently have a safe place to stay. However, I am still struggling with day-to-day survival needs, specifically **food and prescribed medication**.

Specifically, I need help covering my prescribed medication, which includes **Asentra (Sertraline) 200 mg daily, Lamotrigine, Prestarium, Betaxolol, Budesonide for asthma, and liver-protective medication**.

I have also managed to find a job, but I won’t receive my first paycheck until the 10th of next month. This creates a difficult financial gap that I am unable to cover on my own right now.

I’m not asking for long-term support — only help to get through this short but critical transition period while I continue building stability.

If anyone would like proof of my situation, I am more than willing to privately share redacted hospital documentation and discharge papers. I am also open to sharing more about my story if needed.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, and for any kindness or support you may be able to offer.

I'm from Łódź, Poland.

**Link to my fundraiser**

https://4fund.com/5ch4dr

We are living a world that right now it’s ok to shame men for the size of the penises openly. I was shamed maybe 6 different times in my life for my average size penis. To my face 3 times and 3 times that I know of behind my back. It was extremely cold blooded. No one cared how good of a person I was. How I contributed to society. How I was as a father to my kids. How I was as a brother, uncle, and son. The news of my penis size spread and it viciously got worse with everyone it passed to and exaggerated. It truly made men feel like less of a human being. Penis shaming is demonic and it’s celebrated in the demonic society. Sadly I’m a black so even tho I am just above 6 inches in length, there is only big and small for my race. Pure vanity

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I am jealous of women because they get to be more the likable, more desirable, more beautiful gender. They get to have more sexually interesting bodies. I mean I'm 26 and I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago and my key takeaway was that she looked like she was having way more fun than I was. On some level I guess that's a good thing but damn my body just seems really boring by comparison. Etc. I really just want a really good reason to believe that I'm not just the worse version of a woman. I don't want to be told I'm trans or whatever. I'm a man I'm just feeling jealous and kinda inferior.

I tried to commit suicide, today.

I had a good life up until now and now I'm 55, divorced, quit my job, and I'm completely alone.

Living in my ex's basement suite and my daughter and ex live upstairs - can't afford to move out and It's driving me over the edge.

I have friends in other cities that know what's going on, but my ex is completely unaware that she's going to find me in the basement and it'll be the last time she has to deal with me. I think she'll be relieved at not having to see me as depressed as I am.

Though no one I know will ever see this post, I want to say goodbye to them, now. No last letters, no last hugs, no last words... just gone and in peace.

Men's mental health is going downhill and the world just seems to turn a blind eye to it. It should be a priority, because the stories of grief are plastered everywhere.

Goodbye to all those that cared and to all the good times I've shared with my family and friends. Had a lot of fun times in the last 55 years, so I figure I'm blessed for that.

Real confidence for men: when the usual advice falls short

A lot of advice aimed at young men basically says the same thing: go to the gym, dress better, improve your skin, become more social, build discipline.

To be clear, I do not think this advice is useless. For many men, practical changes like exercise, better sleep, structure, socialising and taking care of appearance can genuinely help. They can build momentum and help someone feel more capable.
But I think there is a problem when this becomes the whole answer.

A lot of self-improvement advice carries an implied message: once you become disciplined enough, attractive enough, socially confident enough or successful enough, you will no longer have to feel anxious, ashamed, lonely, uncertain or worn down.
I do not think this is how difficult feelings work.
There are a few ways this can go wrong.

Sometimes the self-improvement works, and you do feel better, but your sense of being okay becomes dependent on maintaining the result. The moment progress stalls, comparison shifts, or life gets in the way, the floor drops out.

Sometimes the self-improvement works externally, but does not produce the internal change you hoped for. You go to the gym, improve your social skills, dress better, and still feel fundamentally not good enough. Then the conclusion can become, “I did everything right and I still feel this way, so maybe the problem is just me.”

Sometimes the self-improvement does not get off the ground at all. Low mood, anxiety, shame, ADHD, financial stress, isolation or low self-esteem can make the advice hard to engage with. When the advice is presented as simple, like “just go to the gym” or “just talk to more people”, struggling to do it can start to feel like a character flaw.

So the issue is not the desire to improve. The issue is when feeling okay becomes dependent on improvement working, being maintained, or producing the promised result.

I think there are probably two parts to a healthier relationship with self-worth. One part is practical: look after your body, build structure, develop skills, seek connection, and create a life that feels more liveable. The other part is internal: learning how to relate differently to the parts of yourself that feel anxious, ashamed, lonely, doubtful or worn down.
That second part matters because those feelings cannot simply be outperformed. You can become fitter, better dressed, more socially active and more disciplined, and still carry a harsh relationship with yourself.

This is where therapy can be helpful, though it is not the only route. Therapy can help someone notice what they make struggle mean. Do I attack myself when I fall short? Do I assume rejection proves something about me? Do I withdraw when I feel ashamed? Do I try to become impressive because I feel unacceptable underneath?

For some young men, practical changes may be sufficient. For others, there is a more difficult but worthwhile task: namely, coming to terms with an inner world that cannot simply be outperformed, disciplined away, or made irrelevant through success. This does not mean giving up on improvement. It means developing a relationship with yourself that can hold doubt, shame, anxiety or loneliness without treating those feelings as evidence that you have failed.

I’m a trainee counselling psychologist/therapist and wrote a fuller version of this for my Counselling Directory profile. I’m sharing the main idea here because I think this is something a lot of men run into when self-improvement advice starts to become more punishing than helpful.

Would be interested to hear people’s thoughts. Does this distinction between practical self-improvement and your relationship with yourself feel accurate?

Hello everyone,

M25 here, and, as the title says, lastly I have been having suicidal thoughts because of many failed attempts of getting a girlfriend. I will tell my backstory in order to fully understand my point of view.

Ever since I was a child, I had difficulties in socializing with girls when it came to romantic interest. Until I was 16, I have been rejected 3 times. Each time, I have been respectful, kind and with pure intentions. But each time I have been rejected. And one time even brutally rejected and bullied by my classmates for shooting my shot. ( "Hahah you are such a loser kid, did you seriously think you had a chance?" - something like that). When I was 14 I even had a suicide attempt because of a girl rejecting me. My mind was telling me that: "Dude, you have done everything that society told you to do: be kind, gentle and respectful and girls will accept you; so if this doesn't work it means you will never find true love so what's the point of living".

After this, I started highschool, and I noticed a change in the social interactions. The girls were dating only the cool guys instead of a shy nerd guy like me. I was devastated. - My family told me to treat girls nicely, and they will date me, but clearly the fuck boys are not treating them right and they still date them.

Ever since then, I desperately tried to be the cool guy in order to make girls attracted to me. But it felt like wearing a mask to hide that deep down I was being a loser. I started reading books about seduction and attending masculinity classes in order to learn how to become a man that women desire. I spent a quite amount of money on this courses from different "masculinity coaches" in a desperate attempt to become a man. Because that's what I realised I was lacking and those cool guys had. They were more masculine than me.

Anyway, by trying to replicate this alpha male behaviour, I finally got a girlfriend at 16. But I still couldn't believe that she was attracted by me. I was thinking like : she is attracted to this mask of mine, but if it falls, she will dump me for a genuine cool guy. Despite my obvious insecurites, the relationship lasted 1.5 years and I ended it because I couldn't keep my mask anymore and it felt incredibly stressful.

After this, I decided to get into Computer Science for my graduate degree, because the masculinity courses taught me: If you are not an authentic cool guy, you need to compensate with money or status in order to be accepted by women. And 6 years after that, I completed my bachelor and masters degree, and I am having a good job in this field. I think I am around top 15% in my country regarding monthly payment.

During these 6 years, I didn't give much attention to dating because I thought: I will try when I have enough money, what's the point of trying now, when I am an incomplete man and pile up more rejections?

But now I think I am ready. I have a good paying job, a decent physique ( not fully ripped yet, but I will get there), good fashion style and I am trying to be as likeable as possible. But the rejections are devastating. Ghosting over ghosting and low interest replies are hitting me in the heart like an arrow. With each rejection from a woman I am telling myself: "See, you are a piece of trash after all and no man at all. Otherwise a woman would be with you right now".

In the last year, I also started paying for sexual services because I want to be intimate with a woman. I want to enjoy sex, and be able to hold hands and laugh and go out, and enjoy my time togheter with her. But being a paid service, it is clearly an illusion. After the time runs out, the illusion fades, and the reality kicks back in. And after all, I have seen guys that were more rude than me with women and still got dates, and me, despite being a such a nice and caring person, putting everyone else above me, always there for helping someone, is getting rejected like he has some kind of disease. It is not fair man. Life is not fair. I worked my ass in college to get a good paying job and be a high value man. I think I deserve some attention from women.

With each day that passes, my mental health is declining more and more. I started taking sleeping pills, because I am scared that I will die alone, with no family and no children. In the meantime some of my friends are getting into long term relationships or getting married, and it seems like I am the last person on earth a woman would choose and I don't understand why. I really want to end this.

I'm 18 M

Today I was very angry about sex as thing, I'm still mad about it, it genuinely makes me so upset because I feel like I have to care about it and want it i know the simplest thing to do is not care about it but it's very hard for me.

How can I not feel so upset about sex as a thing, I don't think I have any trauma or anything like that so it can't be that.

The mother 30/F of my 30/M kids just left. Took my sock money. $6,000 the kids and the carvI just paid off and bounced

With her stealing my money is there anything I can legally do to use that against her. I don't want to but just in case she tries to pull something on me I want to have something on her

Y'all probably I think this is a sob story but I'm so f****** happy. This woman gave me hell and all I do is try to help her

So I’m a 22 year old male and just gonna get this out of the way. My penis is only 5 inches and I’ve been told it’s average and it’s not that small blackball I get it. But I’m going to be honest, I’m a Sabrina carpenter fan and definitely listen to her music a decent amount and most of the time I’m completely fine, but specifically when she sings about “big packages” and shit it just makes me so incredibly insecure. I’m probably going to be told to just stop listening to her but that’s easier said than done, I’ve followed her since I was 12 and yes I find her incredibly attractive but again I truly enjoy her music and stuff. Just don’t like feeling insecure about my penis size I guess.

m 25 male, extremely independent, rely on nobody and haven’t asked for help since i was 18, forced myself to struggle through things alone to build resilience and willpower, forced myself to do the hardest jobs to build character, i dont cry if im sick or hurt myself I’ve continued working while puking to the side or with a sprained ankle swelling in my boot until i had to cut the boot off when the job was done.. ive got the balls to do life threatening things to make things happen and can force myself to face my biggest fears, il purposefully make something like being high up slightly more risky to force that fear out of me and change it into an adrenaline rush, i work an extremely demanding and high stress/fast paced job that takes immense self discipline and high responsibility in extreme heat without complaining even if i have to work 12 hours with only a couple burning hot bottles of water and zero AC or breaks all day….
But i dont feel like a man.. i feel like a pathetic excuse of one and like im hiding in make beleive costume and this self doubt makes life hard, i dont take myself seriously at my job because i dont see myself that way even though i do everything as serious and proffessional as possible and it seems others mostly do take me seriosly, but i dont, im extremely sensitive emotionally because i dont have any self confidence or identity to fight against it, i dont feel like im even close to being as grown as anyone around me and matter of fact feel like i cant even date women because i see them as too mature for me and i would feel like a pathetic baby by their side and not a solid man who can lead her, i cant socialize because of the same reason i feel inadequate, like my existence is actually a joke and everyone is laughing behind my back just like the truman show or maybe me myself and irene, any legitimate relationships i shut down before they begin because it feels like its out of pity so i cut them off not knowing if they just see me as a normal person they genuinely want to hang out with or some sad loser they feel sorry for, il add that day to day i always try to slide in laughs throughout the day and also act respectful and respectable and dont mope around or act sad i just dont talk much, i forced myself to go entirely sober for years and these feelings havent changed despite people telling me those were the causes of this self embarrassment and shame, why do i hate myself, why do i feel like a freak in my own skin hiding behind the mask of a human everyone sees right through, why dont i feel like a confident set it stone person?

These feelings have driven me to the point of wanting to just end it all and give the world a break from me, driven me to abuse myself with substances until i puked and defecated blood, had full blown psychotic breaks which had me holding a loaded 12 gauge to my face with the safety off finger on trigger, caused me to self mutilate and even that wasnt enough to make me feel anything, the only reason i couldnt end it is because its a sad weak thing to do and imagining the lights turning off made me feel like i would leave an even more pathetic legacy and would be a disgusting thing to do to hurt family by doing it

Il add i came out of that hole a while ago but these feelings never leave they come and go and always linger in the back of my mind and effect absolutely everything in my life and i just force myself to fake it till i make it, whats missing what am i doing wrong

I hate everything about my physical appearance i have changed drastically in the past 8 months but i still don't feel like it is enough, my physique and body fat percentage is pretty bad even though i am in a healthy BMI now etc. The main hard part is realizing my height will stay the same and i am done growing since i am 18 i might grow one inch but that isn't enough to make a difference but also cope to think i will grow, Anyway thanks for listening to a post that basically gets posted on here all the time.

Like I understand we live in a matrichical society where women are seen as these precious benevolent beings that can never do anything wrong and are always in the right no matter what and this is just goofy as fuck, they just have to be shielded from accountability at all costs. like I've noticed especially online when it comes to the dating game women can say as much negative shit about men as they want even if what they're saying is bullshit and nobody will bat an eye, shit they might even get praised for it, but the second a man criticizes women and calls them out on their bullshit you're gonna get attacked by everybody. I remember this one dude on tiktok who was calling out women for selecting shitty abusive men that they knew were no good to begin with but still got with them anyway simply because their face was attractive, he was saying that they view good hearted men as boring and weak and this is literally true I've seen it happen so many times in my personal life, but yet the comment section was filled with people attacking this dude calling him an incel, entitled, you know their favorite little words. and this just pisses me off because it's like women can talk shit about us but when we do it back we're treated as monstrous villains even if what we're saying is the truth? like nah fuck that shit. women need to face accountability once in their life, they need to stop having unrealistic ass standards, they need to stop choosing the worse type of men to date simply because of how they look, like you'd think this would be common sense but that's obviously lacking in this society.