r/malementalhealth

When you’re going through a tough phase, your own mind can make everyday life harder than it needs to be. You want to feel better, but somehow, getting there isn’t that simple. If you’ve been through periods like this, what has helped you get through them? Is medication the only sound option?

People have no idea what to do with these unwanted/unattractive men.

Maybe there is no way in helping them being attractive to women or finding relationships. But it doesn't mean their job opportunities, quality of life, the way people treat them in general should also be negatively affected because of how they look.

Yes the horn effect is very real as well, and unattractive men don't just suffer with dating, all other aspects of their quality of life is significantly reduce because of the way they look.

People in general who are unattractive will even say that their overall general quality of life is much worse. Now imagine unattractive man who has to pull himself up by the bootstraps except all the opportunities are shrinking because society doesn't want to give opportunities to unattractive/unwanted men (i.e think less promotions, more grunt work, shitty quality of life)

I think the most humane thing to do for these unwanted/unattractive men is UBI and government subsidized housing so they can survive and cope with gaming or some other hobbies to help ease their harsh lives.

First problem i'd like to mention is the use od the term "nice guy". This label very rightfully belongs to the field of popular psychology, aka bullshit psychology for individuals without the inteligence and empathy to pursue real-life studies of human psyche. "Nice guy" should mean someone entitled, not just any man who expresses insecurity, jealousy, vulnerability or any "beta male" behavior. Idk about cases with real people but the fact that e.x. Leonard from Big Bang Theory is labeled as "nice guy" nowadays says a lot about the society. I even heard vile comments that "it's always the nice guys who are the rapists" when it's clear that this label is very flexible and can include any "undesirable" man.

Second of all, the general culture on reddit; I am an extremely progressive person, but I will never accept bullying and bodyshaming with terms like "low value male" that is appearently tolerated on some subs, even if it is used to call out "flaws" like height or penis size that no man can reasonably influence. Male mental health subs have been attacked many times by these extremists who call any male vulnerability or venting incel behavior.

And lastly, as a young man suffering from Aspergers syndrome and anxiety disorder (that is into guys not women), I find comments about "self-inflicted" male loneliness nauseating. I am not saying the "loneliness epidemic" only affects men, but most men who struggle with loneliness to a pathological degree have some underlying condition that kind of explains it; and no, that condition is very often NOT simply "being an incel". Just because I have mental conditions that have been toxically associated with being "creep" or "coward" if a man suffers from them does not mean that I am one!

I (35m), as the title said, do not enjoy being a father.

My wife and I had an incredibly challenging pregnancy. It took us a very long time to get pregnant and once we did I thought we’d crossed our biggest hurdle. However, at the scan where they determine gender we found out that our baby was abnormally small. Several weeks and numerous scans later we discovered there was a blood flow issue in the umbilical cord that was stunting proper growth. We immediately became a high risk pregnancy and had to start having scans weekly to ensure the baby could remain viable. I thought the entire time we would lose her. So outside my wife’s knowledge, I mourned her death. I would weep while driving to and from work so that I could eventually be strong for my wife when she needed it.

But thankfully that was never the outcome but our journey never got easier. We went from one scan a week to two. From two scans a week to three. Every scan every drive to the hospital was terrifying because we were told that eventually my wife would not be going home. That the baby would be so at risk that my wife would need to be admitted so they could monitor 24/7. Throughout this my wife got more and more depressed. All she wanted her entire life was to be a pregnant wife and have her own family. And I am getting more and more tired from being strong for her and helping her through this incredibly hard situation.

Eventually, the time came where at the scan the doctor said it was too risky to send her home and that she would need to be admitted. (I’m sure how many weeks my wife was pregnant would be helpful to the story but it just all kind of ran together at this point, but we were either at the very end of the second trimester or the very start of the third).

So my wife is admitted to the hospital and put on complete bed rest until it’s time to deliver. However, there is no estimate how long that will be. Unfortunately, I still needed to work. So every day I would wake up early, drive to the hospital to see my wife and be with her during the scan, go to work and work most of the day before I could leave, drive home to make sure the dog was okay and cook dinner, then straight to the hospital so I can eat with my wife and spend the evening before I could drive home and start the whole process again. We did this every day. Every day without knowing how long it would last. Every day not even knowing if our baby would even live through this whole process.

My wife spent over a month admitted to the hospital until one morning during the scan, the nurse sees something that concerns her. She looks at us, then steps outside as she pulls her phone out to call the doctor. A few heart stopping moments later there’s a team of people coming into the room. My wife is put on a magnesium drip and we’re told we are having the baby. A short emergency c-section later, our beautiful baby is born, two and a half months early, weighing just 1 pound and 10 ounces.

Fortunately, our time in the NICU was good. Our baby had no real complications and my wife was able to spend a lot of time with her. My routine continued though, wake up drive to the hospital to see the baby go to work, back to the hospital then home to sleep. 75 days after she was born we were finally able to bring our baby home.

Over a year later our baby is doing wonderful. She’s active and developing (still only 2% on the growth scale) but otherwise she’s fantastic.

My wife wants a second baby.

I’m just so tired. I cook all our meals. Every night when the baby wakes up I get up to comfort her because my wife can’t go back to sleep once she wakes up. I love my daughter but nothing about this is fun. I find no fulfillment in any of this. I thought it would change when she starting smiling, I thought it would change when she started babbling dada but it hasn’t. I would be devastated if anything happened to her but I also can’t imagine doing this again. Even a perfectly normal pregnancy gives me anxiety because I know how much more work it will be. How much less I would get to spend on my hobbies than I get to now. I know I’m being incredibly selfish.

But eventually, I know we will start trying again because it will make my wife happy.

My wife tells me that I’m the best husband she could ever imagine, that I’m the best father. I do everything I’m supposed to. But I’m not having any fun, I’m not enjoying it at all. I just don’t enjoying being a father and am dreading when we will start trying again.

I turned 31 recently, and if I’m being completely honest, my birthday didn’t make me think much about myself.

It made me think about my parents.

I looked at them and suddenly felt this strange heaviness realizing that they’re getting older, and that there will eventually come a time when I won’t be able to take their presence in my life for granted.

I’m not married. I don’t have kids. I don’t even know exactly what my own future is going to look like.

But I keep thinking about one thing:

I want to be financially secure enough to take care of my parents before I die.

Not rich. Not necessarily wealthy.

I just want to be in a position where, if they need something, I never have to look at the price first.

If they need medical treatment, I want to be able to afford it.

If they want to retire, I want them to be able to do it without worrying.

If something unexpected happens, I want to be able to say, “Don’t worry. I’ll handle it.”

And honestly, this thought occupies my mind more than I expected it to at 31.

Sometimes it gives me an incredible amount of motivation.Other times, it scares me.

Because I’m slowly realizing that money, for me, isn't really about cars, houses, status, or proving anything to anyone anymore.

It’s about time, security, and being there for the people who were there for me before I could do anything for myself.

I know I can’t stop them from getting older. I can’t control how much time we have together.

But I can try to make sure that, when they need me, I’m ready.

Maybe that’s what turning 31 has done to me.

I’m not as scared of not becoming successful anymore.

I’m more scared of becoming successful too late to give my parents the life I want them to have.

Does anyone else in their 30s feel this way about their parents?

So I’m a 38 year old guy, I’m happily married, no kids “by choice”, I got a good job, gaming with friends as a hobby and my life is good. But here is the thing….

Since I started working, got into the adulthood I’ve been feeling an emptiness inside and have no idea what it is. Even tho I’m happy I every now and then sit in my car after work almost tearing up.
I have days where I feel all the pressure in the world on my shoulders almost like everything in my life depends on me. My wife earns about the same as me, so money is not the issue and our relationship is amazing but yet I constantly walk around with a feeling that is hard to describe.
Am I alone in this? Is it really so that men are more depressed then woman?
Is this a guy thing?

If there are more guys out there like this, are you all ok?