u/Alu71

I tried to commit suicide, today.

I had a good life up until now and now I'm 55, divorced, quit my job, and I'm completely alone.

Living in my ex's basement suite and my daughter and ex live upstairs - can't afford to move out and It's driving me over the edge.

I have friends in other cities that know what's going on, but my ex is completely unaware that she's going to find me in the basement and it'll be the last time she has to deal with me. I think she'll be relieved at not having to see me as depressed as I am.

Though no one I know will ever see this post, I want to say goodbye to them, now. No last letters, no last hugs, no last words... just gone and in peace.

Men's mental health is going downhill and the world just seems to turn a blind eye to it. It should be a priority, because the stories of grief are plastered everywhere.

Goodbye to all those that cared and to all the good times I've shared with my family and friends. Had a lot of fun times in the last 55 years, so I figure I'm blessed for that.

I woke up shouting from a brutal dream where I was stabbing my stomach while my ex just looked on, waiting for me to die. I immediately downed about 10mg of Klonipin, got up and started drinking strong ciders. I'm totally wrecked atm. Thought I was getting over this - just yesterday I was calm and collected, then I woke from this dream and everything went sideways. I'm shocked that my mood can be so contrasting from day to day. Today is unbearable.

I lost my job due to work injuries and my wife's immediate response was to sell our house and move into another house that she owned before we met. Things were going downhill for us - even before we sold the house - so she moved upstairs with our 17yr daughter and I moved into the basement suite and now pay her rent.

Shortly after that, she ended our relationship, but I'm still living here, with a lot of grief and stress about the divorce. I'm still attached to her and the routine that we had as partners and a family. It currently feels like I'm about to go through a nervous breakdown, because we live in the same place, but now treat each other like acquaintances... not friends. No small talk between us and she's found a new boyfriend.

I know there's a lot of people out there that split up and remain in the same house - the cost of living is a huge factor. But I don't understand how people manage to stay in the same house, when there's so much pain floating around.

Is it just a time thing? It'll level off and we'll find mutual ground? Or is it absolutely insane for me to remain living here and not just leave and make a clean break?

Never once told her that I was going to kill myself, yet here she is telling me I've been making suicide threats and the words have never left my mouth. She told me to come to her for help if it ever came to that and she's actually the last person I'd come to if I felt like that, because it would probably end up causing me to do it.

It hurts. I'm hurt. But if I ever decide to end my life, it certainly won't be over her.

She told me, "I cannot sacrifice my well being for yours" so, why would I do that for her?

My ex keeps reminding me that there's no future for us, so I went out and bought 2 cased of Strongbow and I've taken about 20mg of klonapin. I'm totally fucked and I.m hoping I don't wake up tomorrow - Ill be sadly disappointed. I have about 120mg of klonapin saved up. If the 20mg plus alcohol doesn't work, then I'm going to try the full 120mg and buy another couple of cases of strongbow - love that cider. Hope it does the job.

Looking for someone to draw a native styled wolf from a top view of it walking.

It seems to me that the best way to get over my heartbreak is to just keep focussing on myself and whenever she pops into my head I should immediately question why I'm thinking of her and focus on my feelings at that moment. I'm managing to ghost her texts. Next step is to tell her that "No, I don't want to go for a walk and chat" and that if she has a specific question, she should email it to me.

It's hard to put into practice, being that I feel so heartbroken over her/us. But, this torture has to end sometime.