r/depression

This life is too much. The weight of shame, jealousy and anger. Constant failure. Fuck this world.

I'm not sure how to start this but all I have to say is that please check on your friends they might be going through a war they can not fight alone.

I woke up to a message on my phone it was from last night 3:28 AM

"You truly are a goat"

"You're a great man, never think of yourself as a bad person"

"Wish we had more time together"

"I'll be watching over you"

"Thank you"

"<3"

I am so sorry I couldn't be there for you I saw you as my brother and If only I stayed up that night you probably would still be here. You'll be watching over me? wasnt I the one who had your back? Why didnt you tell me you were going through all of this I would be there for you why?

I will carry your story with me

I could not be there for you

The best I could do now is to be there for someone else.

Life has been extremely shitty to me. I pushed through each time, barely making it out alive. I have treatment resistant depression. My therapist and my psychiatrist have given up on me. I’ve given up on me. But he never did. He was the only light in my life. He was good. And he loves me. But seeing how shitty my mental health was, he realized he didn’t want to be with someone like me. Only the romantic feelings died. But he still loved and cared about me so much as a friend. He kept showing up for me. He’s going to get married now. I’m happy for him. I truly want the best for him. But it also hurts so much. I hate my depression and what it’s made me. I’m in so much pain and the only person I’ve ever can speak to about this is him. But I can’t do that. Will anyone ever be able to love me if I’m not cured?

I don’t even wanna be conscious or have any memories. Just the thought of it is enough to make me depressed.

I don't quite understand why people go on about life being "short". I'm 36, still about 45 years short of my life expectancy, and sick of how slow and laborious life is. Maybe it's fun if you at least have any hope that somebody will ever love you, but for ugly, unlovable me, it's just a very, very long and pointless bore.

I'm ashamed (and kinda scared) to say this, but I wanted to get this off from my chest.

I've been depressed for a long time, and I am also a victim of CSA, so maybe it has something to do with this.

Since I have memory, I've known about masturbation, and I've been doing it as a way to cope with stress and probably the trauma of the sexualization I suffered when I was a child, but I just now realized that I'm doing it as a way to feel something else apart of the emptiness on my chest.

I really want to know if this is somewhat common.

I remember watching a video about how depression is a mismatch from reality. However, if your life is depressing then it’s a normal reaction to your environment/situation.

My eye is in pain I can't close my eyes or it will hurt more so now all I do I stare at the ceiling all i want to do is curl up and die

i'm sighing all the time, i used to enjoy video games and still do but still they do not give me the enjoyment they used to, i'm bored of everything i don't know what to do

9 years ago I just started a downwards trend and everyday is like hell. It caused me to never get sleep to the point of me getting epilepsy and most of my freedoms have been stripped away like driving and being able to drink alcohol or smoke weed and on top of that the medication I have to take only makes it worse. It also lowers my sex drive to the point of me not wanting to even talk to women at all. The only thing keeping me going is I don’t want to create grief for my parents and my brother from my death. I’ve tried once and failed but not again. I also feel like no one ever can fucking hear me. No matter what I say or how I say it no one ever fucking listens and I’m getting so sick of it I just want to curl up in a ball and disappear from reality. I wish I was never born.
I’ve lost the girl of my dreams before due to her leaving for college and she didn’t want to stay in a relationship with me. I can’t even fucking cry anymore cause I’ve cried so much. I’m just over all of it and hope I die in a car crash or some shit, I don’t know how else to say it. I can’t fucking land jobs cause of my epilepsy and I don’t have anyone who can relate to me and it all just makes me feel that much more distant from everyone and everything and no one ever asks me if I’m ok cause I can’t tell people no matter how hard I try . I also have no direction in life I don’t know what I want to do

My life is worthless shit and I'm always fucking miserable.

I miss fall and winter. I'm actually happier in fall and winter - and more motivated. Summer time makes me want to die

I’m lonely. I’m sad. I thought the feelings would go away, but here I am, 30 years old. It’s so painful. How do people live like this? How do people get through life?

I've struggled with depression for a long time, since I was a child, but at least back then I had some semblance of hope for the future... The world still felt like a realm of possibilities. There were still so many things I could possibly do, so many people I could meet, so many places I could go.

Now I'm 24 and adulthood is nothing like I imagined. Every day I just work a job I hate, then I go home and try to enjoy my free time while dreading going back to work, then I go back to work and the cycle repeats over and over. Is this all there is to life?

I (M) had my 26th birthday two days ago, but I’m not happy about it. In fact, I’m very sad about it because I feel like I never got to accomplish anything in my life and now I feel too old to do so. I lost all my friends three years ago and I’ve never been in a relationship. I wanted to move to LA to become an actor, but now I feel like I’m too old and it’s gonna be difficult doing so. I feel so ugly too, I need to lose weight and get a haircut, but I don’t have the time or energy after work to go to the gym or a barber. But it’s not like that would change anything now, even if I got into shape I’d be the weird 26 year old man larping a younger person and it’d be just sad and weird. I just want some support, I’m crying in my car alone with the only person reaching out to me right now doing so out of pity. Idk what I need to hear, but I feel so lonely and just want some support that I’m not going to get in my actual life.

I'm 25, have no friends, 0 relationships and have been unemployed well over a year. Years ago my family used to ask or tease me about what I'd wanna do in the future, have I got any relationships and if I'm spending time with friends. Now they've completely stopped, even they realise I've got nothing. Years of having nothing and nobody and they finally understood enough I guess. Understood it's hopeless for me and it's best not to ask stupid questions. I knew years ago that I'm just not worth caring about or even knowing. That I'd never amount to anything except be a waste of space and I hate myself so much. Can't do anything except be an annoyance and a stain. My life isn't worth living. Can't fix something if it never worked at all, so why even try?

If you look like a man as a woman life just isn’t worth living :( I feel like I can’t even go outside bc everybody is secretly making fun of me for how I look, I can’t make friends bc everybody is repulsed by my appearance, etc

One of the worst things is that it’s literally unfixable. I don’t know what it is about my face: some say my nose, others say my jaw, others my eyebrows, etc. I’ve even had people hallucinate features of mine that don’t exist such as a brow ridge I do not have

On top of that there was somebody harassing me on another subreddit by claiming im a catfish /even though I have verification pics on my profile/. I don’t understand why ppl are so nasty

When does the feeling in my chest leave? It's been seven years I want to feel something other than pain. Does it ever leave? I ask myself this every single day, I feel like my hearts being crushed between somebodys hands. It's rough, and it becomes a physical pain which leads to anxiety attacks.

I'm afraid I'll be feeling this forever.

Me quiero morir, me odio completamente y mi vida es una mierda. Tengo 20 años no estudio por falta de dinero no trabajo porque no sirvo para nada mi cuerpo es frágil y no puedo comunicarme. No tengo ningún amigo porque desde pequeña no tengo amigos y no sé relacionarne, no entiendo a las personas y me desagradan, simplemente soy misantropa. Mi familia es pobre y está endeudada, mi nombre también salió manchado. Mi familia se pelea todos los días entre ellos o yo con ellos, simplemente intento tener una buena relación con ellos pero la salud mental de todos es precaria, todos tienen traumas y solo nos lastimanos entre nosotros apesar del cariño que sentimos por el otro. Me considero cada vez más una horrible persona soy más agresivo con ellos y cada vez estoy descansando más todos los pocos aspectos de mi vida, estoy más desordenada y cansada sin ánimos de nada, ya sonrio muy poco. No tengo intereses, perdí el interés en las cosas. Vivo mi vida mediocremente sin esperanza ni energía. Lastimosamente no tengo valor para morir así que solo quiero palabras de aliento porque nadie confía en mí, llevo años así y nunca ninguna persona me ha dicho "confio en ti, sé que puedes mejorar". No quiero consejos, opiniones y mucho menos críticas vivo mi vida consiente de mis fallos. Levantarme de mi cama es mi mayor reto diariamente, temo todos los días de comenzar un nuevo día y que este sea uno donde todo me sale mal como usualmente siempre es, así que talvez aunque esté condenada por mi enferma cabeza realmente quiero creer que al menos alguien creyó en mí en alguna parte del mundo, toda mi vida yo he sido la única que se ha tenido que animar sola a no rendirme así que por una vez quiero obtener eso de alguien.

(Los problemas que mencioné no son todos, hay muchísimos más)

Fyi: I am by no means the sharpest tool in the shed. But god! People really can't see through all the bullshit? Every religion is obviously man made. No you will not live past this life. Where were you before you were born? That's right... YOU weren't anywhere. So many truly believe they are somebody. You are nothing. This should be obvious to you and you should act accordingly. I am NOT saying that people can't have confidence or a healthy ego. However, stop with your useless worldview and cultural programming. The vast majority of people are npcs these days. I swear almost everyone I meet is just an accumulation of what media they consume. Why does no one think critically anymore. Can't you see that All of what you consume is just the byproduct of a person or entity looking to make money. These opinions they push onto you are only there for conformity and socialization. They need to find a common thinking ground so they feel part of a tribe. These ape minded bastards. Sorry for the rant. I have been bullied my whole life for being quiet and compassionate towards others. I can be just as evil as the best of them don't get me wrong. However, I understand how powerful our words and actions are. You never know what might be someone's tipping point. The straw that breaks the camel's back sort of speak. That's why I choose my words so carefully and act aloof. It's not because I am retarded or completely uncaring. I simply know that our actions have influence and also that reacting strongly to people only stirs them up. So stfu and know your place before I take you and I back to the void. You arrogant, low IQ, slimy mutt.