r/depression

I’m 30, been depressed since I was a pre teen, and it’s gotten significantly worse over the past 5 years.
I didn’t come from much but was able to graduate college, get a good career, get a house, and have been financially independent from my parents since I moved out. This was my dream, but now that I’m here, it feels so pointless. I sacrificed everything that I am to get here. I have no interest in my hobbies anymore.
I’m tired of trying to make things work. I’ve gotten concerningly suicidal over the past couple years. Hygiene is hard. Sleeping is hard. I feel like I’m ruined and broken and I’m going to be miserable no matter what I do. Some days I just want to go be a drunk in a ditch somewhere or flip my car on the freeway.

I don't know where to start exactly.

I'm not exactly diagnosed with anything, but I haven't gone to see a specialist, but I've been numb for a really long time.

And it's not that I don't want to do things, but I find it almost impossible to actually do more than the bare minimum to stay alive unless someone else asks me for something.

I'm not suicidal or anything, but it's like nothing is going to happen.

I have friends, I go to events, I'm in college, I'm employed, so I feel like I shouldn't be high on the roster of people who need help with this sort of thing, but I feel stuck. I don't know how to ask for help with this kind of thing except for just: help?

Literally, what's the difference between me and a corpes. I'm just existing, drifting through life. Having a body is a prison. Having to care of it is so burdensome it hurts so much, i can't end it because of human survival instincts, and because im a coward. Im currently in my feelings because im in pain because of pooping too hard, seriously, as if life being ass wasn't enough im also tormented by bodily functions because I don't know how to care of myself properly because im too depressed which leads me to being even more depressed due to feeling physical shitty. I don't even know why I'm writing this, to be honest, I just needed to let something out into the void, and im in pain. I'm depressed over not being able to shit properly without pain, i feel a little pathetic because I feel like I'm being a bit over dramatic. Has anyone felt the same way when even bodily functions and having a body are burdensome and a chore?

Anyways, sorry for rambling. To whoever reads this, I hope your day is better than mine, or at least not too bad.

I’m depressed out of my mind. I even paid for expensive useless therapy and the only advice i got was you’ve been through a lot, you deserve empathy, sleep if you feel like cry if you feel like. I’m so done fighting, i don’t have it in me anymore. I just went through a breakup and I’m dealing with a chronic illness that has no cure. I don’t want to continue living in a diseased body and with an illness that has no cure. I have pcos and hormonal imbalance. I have no libido because of it. My partner broke up with me because of it. I feel i will never be loved or chosen by someone. I don’t want to be destined to die alone. Euthanasia is not legal in my country so suicide is my only option. Everyday i wake up grieving the loss of the relationship and the fact that i will never recover. I’ve been trying to improve my health for months now but it doesn’t seem to improve even a little bit. Ive been to several doctors and no one showed me empathy or care. I was judged by them when i brought up sexual dysfunction as a symptoms. I don’t even feel human anymore. I’ve been enduring all this for months. I just want to go with dignity since living with dignity is no longer an option. My self esteem has taken a hit. I even carry childhood trauma where i was physically abused by my mother for decades. I have no siblings, i have no support from family. Finding a partner is no longer an option. I don’t want to live alone, i don’t want to live with condition forever, I’d rather be euthanised.

I can't do this anymore, death is a better option than living my life

Is it just me that i dont want to improve my physical appearance yet? I've seen most people on reddit especially in my country, they value how they look or taking care of themselves and post their workouts something like that, in my case, i want to improve my physical appearance since im nearly 25 next year but i just dont want to be pressured you know?

I hate people telling me you should workout, take care of your physical appearance, how may i supposed to take care of myself if i haven't cure my depression or anxiety yet? i havent even book for a therapist just to release whats inside me

As much as i want to take care of my appearance, it would take years for me in order for me to change my life because IM A LATE BLOOMER! People don't know it takes years for people to change slowly. This is the main reason why i kinda hate social media, you compare other people's body to someone who's hasn't deal with depression yet or unresolved traumas yet you force someone to work out? YOUR ADVICE DOESN'T APPLY TO EVERYONE!

I want to be happy for myself, not for other people, IM FUCKING TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING ME TO GAIN MUSCLES AND SHIT, LET ME DO IT BY MYSELF WITHOUT THE PRESSURE PLEASE! I'M SO FUCKING TIRED! FUCK SOCIAL MEDIA, FUCK PEOPLE , FUCK MODERN LIFE!

I’m hurt. You cut things off with me, without saying bye or why. I have to just sit with the feeling of losing something that woke up my spirit. I got some good advice, realising the love you woke up in me came from me not you - and I’m going to try continue living life in love not hardness. I’m just confused. And this has hit me deeper than I realised, deeper than I cared to admit. I have nothing to apologise or say sorry for this time. I’m just letting you know it hurt me, and I valued you in my life for a moment. I guess the beauty in it is you helped me feel again. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, because now I feel sad… but nevertheless I’m not as numb, I feel something. This might of all been a joke to you, but thanks anyway for waking up something so pure in me. It hurts to feel even if it’s an old fire 🔥 in my heart, it hurts to be able to feel again with no where to place it.

Take care, I honestly don’t understand. Your last message to me was beautiful. I’m confused, but I’ll be okay.

Maybe I’ll message this thread every time I want to get something off my chest, cos I know you’ll see it somehow, some way. Maybe I won’t. I reach out because my heart desires real connection, human interaction.

You take care now… you always said you valued communicating feelings but you fell short there at the last hurdle. I appreciate some things don’t require communication, but I don’t know what’s changed your mind so quickly.

Take care.

I value connection, intellectual conversation… if anyone has any healing words, I like responding to the comments. Thanks guys. If I don’t respond it’s because I have no words but I appreciate every kind word said.

Im trying to heal the child within.

I give the fuck up. I’ll never have a good life. It’s just been shit for as long as I can remember and only ever gets worse, why would that change? No point to even give a shit about how I live. Fuck life it’s a damn joke. If I can’t get the balls to end it then I’m gonna numb this pain and give no fucks about anything anymore.

I have autism, been depressed and suicidal since middle school. I have no money, I have terrible credit, can’t get motivated to work or hold a job, have an eating disorder, fat, can’t save money, live with my grandma, have so much debt and an eviction. My biggest supporter I had was my mom, she’d do anything for me to make sure I’m living a good life, and she died of breast cancer in 2018. Life is a fucking cruel joke. The worst thing is I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I can’t get one. I’ll never be able to get married or have kids, which is what I want more than anything in life. I can’t socialize because of my autism, I don’t know how to, and no girl will ever give me attention. Whoever said tall guys get girls deserves to be tortured to death.

So fuck it, if I can’t find love, if I can’t get what I want, I’m becoming a junkie. About to finally feel good, peace out bitches! Maybe one day I’ll get so high on something I’ll shoot myself, yay!

as the title says, I feel like I can’t keep going anymore, Im at lowest point in my live and Im completely hopeless,I know that I just want the pain to end but I think the only way is to end it by myself .I tried medication and therapy but nothing seems to help. I just want a way out of this miserble life.
 I just want a painless and effective way to do it. I have a lot of medications, but I don’t know if overdosing would be fatal. Any suggestions?

I live in Japan with my husband. I desperately want to go home. My job sucks. All I do is work, doom scroll, sleep. He gets frustrated when he gets home at 9 p.m., and I'm asleep bc I get up at 5 am. I don't blame him he just wants to spend time with me, and I'm always asleep or crying.

I told him I want to go home but he wants to stay in Japan forever so if I go home I go home alone and risk ruining the marriage and I leave him alone in an apartment he has to pay by himself. We both make low salaries, so I'm really worried about him.

I've gotten sick bc of my job a lot. I was bleeding for 2 months straight. I have hormonal problems bc of stress. I switched birth control, and now I'm ok, but I bleed a lot. I fainted on the train to work once, and I put in my 30-day notice after that.

I have an interview with a new job. Same thing, different company.

I keep crying or talking with my husband about my inability to make a decision, and the other day, he got so frustrated. He said he only has so much patience, but he's trying so hard to make me happy and spend time with me, but I'm never happy.

I want to go home. I want to feel like I belong again. I see people talk with coworkers and friends in their language talking about their culture, and they fit in. They belong. I sit there alone at my desk, no one talks to me, and no one wants to sit next to me. I'm so tired. I miss my mom. I miss the life I had before, but my husband loves this country. I'm so tired. Why do I have to make this decision? Why can't I just be happy here.

I need to shut up and suck it up. Ever since my husband told me he's losing patience, I try to cry in the shower in the morning when he's asleep. I cry before he gets home. I cry when I call my mom. I can't show anything to him, or he'll get tired of me. I can't keep ruining everything.

I don't know what to do anymore. I want this feeling to go away. Why won't he come back home with me?

I don't want to live here forever.

I’m sick of it. Sick to god damn death.

I’m so jealous of cis people. They don’t have to go through puberty a second time. They don’t have their entire identity and existence debased for no reason other than being what they are.

And it’s also crazy that I’m supposed to be one of the lucky ones! I’m in a western country that supports queer people. And I’m still not happy. I can’t even imagine what my poor compatriots are experiencing in less accepting countries.

I keep hearing that eventually I’ll look and feel better, but I don’t believe it. Even if that is true, which it’s not, there are YEARS of work in front of me to MAYBE not want to die. And multiple surgeries. What the fuck is the point.

There’s so much shit in front of me and so much baggage behind me. I don’t know how I’m expected to stay alive like this. Over the course of the past few months I’ve slowly began to give up more and more and it seems inevitable that I kill myself. I’m surprised I haven’t already honestly. I’m not sure what’s keeping me here. I feel like I could die right now, where I stand.

There really was never any hope for me. My life was dogshit before my egg cracked and it’s somehow even worse now. I don’t have many regrets, mostly because I don’t give enough of a shit about my own existence to have any, but I wish I killed myself before all of this. I almost did it, but I stopped at the last moment. If I had just done it none of this shit would’ve happened. I hate myself for not doing it so much.

I have massively fucked up my life, time and time again I have been give a chance to redeem myself and every single time I fuck it up. When I’m going through my low points I always tell myself that I will remember how I feel in the moment and I’m going to change but I never do it’s like I just forget as soon as I get another chance. I had one final chance this week and I fucked it up. Now I have nothing : no prospects, no skills, no future and I have no one, I don’t have a single friend I can vent to. And every time I get close to a girl I just tell myself that she deserves better than a piece of shit like me . The amount of evidence that my life is destined to be a heaping pile of shit of my own making is undeniable. The only logical option is to kill myself. Then it all ends. Then i find peace. No more sleepless nights crying myself to sleep, no more not being able to look at myself if the mirror out of hatred, no more being a disappointment to everyone around me. Who know maybe I could do more good if I was dead then alive. My mom would finally know peace, she wouldn’t have to worry about what a piece of shit I am. Maybe it’s for the best. I’m sorry. Goodbye.

i just what we’d all die, i hate this shit we call “society” i hate the horrible disgusting pointless system we live in, i hate that we have to “earn a living” as if i had a choice to be here? i didn’t ask for life, nor do i want it, i hate it all, i just wish i would’ve been born an animal so i didn’t have to do all this shit, animals can get depression yes, however i hate how complex my brain is, i question everything, i do not agree with the system, i hate the world, people, society, money, jobs, it’s all fake, all our food is processed and bad for us, we work our lives away just to “ survive” and even that’s impossible these days. this whole job market is made to benefit people who never had to do anything in their lives, i just hate at all, why can’t i have been born in a different time, in a different life? doing something meaningful, instead i was given this pile of absolute shit, and because of it i have to deal with severe depression for my entire life? great. looking forward to it.

I went through life a cute kid, a handsome adult, not in the extreme, but not ugly at all. I was so easy to get along with. I didn’t make a ton of money, but I took care of myself, I was shy, but only at first,
no one gave me a chance. I had the deepest heart, a sensitive gentle soul. I wanted only to love someone,and I never got it, so I had to let it go, as I am old now, my time has passed.

14M. my life sucks. all of the “friends“ I’ve ever made have left me and my family barely knows I exist so nobody’s gonna know I’m gone and even if they do their not going to miss me in fact they might just throw a party. so I’m saying goodbye for the last time.

I (f22) had a recent breakup with someone who I loved and I spiraled and pushed him away further and now I’m blocked and I feel like I can’t even breathe or function.

I got attached so easily after living together almost 2 years like I feel so broken and sick. My stomach hurts and I haven’t been able to eat.

I’m constantly breaking down in tears everywhere I go and I struggle finding joy in things.

I’m in so much pain and the amount of regret I hold is torturing me. I feel so broken…

I don’t know what to even do because I’ve never felt this way in my life.

I haven’t really accomplished anything besides Highschool. I dropped out of college and live with family. My whole day is waking up, drinking coffee, walking around, watching videos, playing games, going to bed and doing it all over again the next day. Sometimes my family would drag me out of me room to go do something but I wouldn’t be with them mentally. I would have passive suicidal thoughts on my mind 24/7 and would want to go back to my room to watch videos.

I know therapy would help. I know medication would help. I just don’t have any motivation to get help. I don’t have motivation to tell my family what I’m actually thinking or feeling. I think I’d just get annoyed or angry and stop talking. It feels easier to smile and say ‘I’m fine’ than ‘I feel like I’ve been wasting your money and effort to keep me alive and I’m sorry for dragging you along for years’.

Anyone else know that feeling? I genuinely hate how people’s looks have that much power over me and my self esteem. Sometimes I be having a decent day but it just takes one glimpse of someone to ruin my day and potentially my entire week. I’m way too fragile oh my god

Don’t even care to write this really
I have no family I’m about to be homeless
I lost my job and can’t afford my apartment I’m a loss cause Whos never done anything I’m 29 and I’ve never even been in a driver seat of a car , anyway I don’t why I’m still typing

Life review 3/10 definitely do not recommend
Peace fuckers